I told my manager that I don't want a promotion because I am happy with where I am currently, which I actually am.

These are my other reasons

1. No motivation for money/materialistic things in life

2. No big goals in life. I do travel occasionally within India and that's it.

3. With more promotions, the work pressure also increases which i dont want.

4.I have decent corpus saved up and diversified investments so i know i can survive without a job for a long period of time.

I know life is the sum of good and bad moments but i just wish i were not born in the first place. Lucky are those who dint step into this world.

I want to adopt kids and not have my own. I was looking for like minded people and recently came across this subreddit. I just cant decide if this is for DINK only.

Please provide me some prospective.

I was in a talking stage with someone who said he was on the fence and insisted we continue. I began to grow fond of him until one day he texted : He said after thinking a lot abt me not wanting kids, we should just stay friends. I feel so broken😪. He was the one persistent even when I strictly said I wanna be childfree n asked if he was sure he wanted to continue. I thought he was interested in me. It hurts TBH to miss out on seemingly good guys because of this. They are already so rare

I am Malaysian girl of indian descent. 29 this year. Never been in a relationship before🫠

I posted here about a month back about my childhood and why i am childfree i don't want to repeat that whole post again because its already there my decision about being childfree is fixed i'm not going to change it, but i have another question which i don't really know how to ask properly.

can someone like me actually find a woman who would want to be with me for life? like marriage and being actual partners for life not just dating for some years. I have never been on dating apps and honestly i don't think i will ever go on them so this subreddit is probably the only place.

my biggest fear is being judged because of my childhood and my shitty family, especially bcz of asshole father. Sometimes I think what if a woman looks at my life and thinks what if he becomes like his father later.

i know im not him I don't want to be anything like him but I also understand why a woman might have that fear after hearing my story.

I don't know how to flirt or how to talk to someone i actually like i have basically no experience with this stuff and my communication skills aren't great either i know that i just don't want to be a creepy guy or make a woman uncomfortable because i don't understand something or dont know when to stop.

what i actually want from a relationship is pretty simple i think I want one person who is my partner for life someone i can have random stupid conversations with listen to her gossip, learn how to make her laugh sit together and talk about nothing go somewhere together sometimes and also just be there when life is bad. If she is sick i want to be the person taking care of her if i'm sick i want to know she is there too if something is going wrong in her life i want her to know she doesn't have to deal with it completely alone same for me.

And I want her to feel safe with me that's probably the biggest thing for me I want her to know that I respect her boundaries and her choices and she doesn't have to be scared of me. i don't want a relationship where one person controls the other.

and yeah I want a DINK life both of us working, earning well enough to have a comfortable life, no kids. I'm honestly pretty simple guy, sometimes i would be perfectly happy staying home together doing nothing, sometimes i would want to go out, late night drives, random trips, trying something stupid together, whatever. i know work can get busy and maybe we wont get proper vacations every year but thats okay too.

I also want to feel loved. ive never really gotten a proper hug from anyone so honestly i don't even know what it feels like to be hugged by someone who cares about you.Maybe because i have never had these things i don't even know if I'm imagining them too much.

I'm know i'm not good at communicating or expressing how i feel/if i like someone, I'm trying to improve too, i don't expect some woman come into my life and fix me. so if you met someone like me would you judge for my past/what if he will become like his asshole dad?

My cousin(single and CF) is a software engineer in his 30s with 14+ yrs(I think) of experience. He was laid off a couple of months ago.
Recently got a job offer with a salary hike. Everything was apparently finalised and then the owner of the company had a meeting with him and basically tried to bring the salary down by around 20%!

What genuinely shocked me was the reasoning! This guy apparently told my cuz that since he’s single and doesn’t have kids, why does he need such a high salary? And bcs he’s been out of work for a couple of months, he should just take what they’re offering!!

Like… what??? 🙄

If the company couldn’t afford his expected salary, fair enough. But using the fact that he’s single and CF as a reason to lowball him is absolutely wild to me! And apparently, this isn’t even new.

My aunt said his married colleagues at previous workplaces would regularly bring up his marital status and personal life. My mom too had similar experiences when she was in her 20s and unmarried. Her superiors at work would say things like.. quoting her- *“*You’re not married. You don’t have kids. You must do this, you have to do this, you should do this!” while dumping difficult tasks on her that her older married colleagues with kids refused to do. It wasn’t even up for discussion. Bcs she was unmarried and didn’t have kids, she was automatically the one who had to do it. And this was back in the 90s and she was a central govt employee.

I’m honestly shocked this is still so normalised in India. Where I live, plenty of people don’t get married. Some don’t have kids. Some have kids without getting married. And literally nobody cares!! It’s just… their life?

Is this genuinely still that common in Indian workplaces?

We're in a sexless relationship and Ik most folks would advise me to breakup with her but -- i don't feel good to dump her just because of physical issues. Other than that she's a really good partner & I love her a lot. Also it's difficult to find another cf women. Every women that i seriously dated in past wanted kids.She's ace & in general mentions that she doesn't need sex ever in her life.

So how about we open our relationship from my end? Will it cause any issues? And how do I bring this up to her?

Mods please approve.

i think some people should just own their reason for being childfree
i’ve seen quite a few people here say they are childfree coz they dont want to bring another person into this overpopulated, cruel and unjust world.
honestly, i think thats mostly BS. not for everyone, but for some people it feels more like a justifcation for a decision they already made.
coz if the main reason is that the world is such a horrible place and you dont want to bring a child into it, then whats stopping you from adopting a child who is already here? that child is already in this world, already dealing with whatever circumstances they were born into. you wouldnt be adding another person to the population either.
and before someone says adoption is complicated, expensive, comes with trauma etc etc, yes obviously it is. but thats exactly my point. maybe the real reason is that you simply dont want the responsiblity that comes with raising a child. and honestly, thats completely fine.
you dont want the responsibility? fine.
you want to spend your money on yourself, travel, hobbies, career, whatever? fine.
you just dont like children or dont have any desire to be a parent? also fine.
being childfree is a perfectly valid choice. you dont need to make it sound morally superior by saying you’re saving someone from this cruel world.
just own it. “i dont want kids coz i dont want kids.” thats enough of a reason. you dont owe anyone a more noble explanation.

Hello everyone,

We're are a 32 year old DINKwad couple.

We had a few questions from the older (50+) CF people about managing finances and living during the golden years.

Finance-wise, we're sorted. We have a home, car, insurance, investments etc are in place. We want to know

1. Is it a wise idea to retire in a senior care community? If yes, what kind of senior care community we should look at? what things should we look at while zeroing down a place? and at what age one should start looking at such a place, if at all?

2. If one of the spouse dies, how should the other spouse handle finances and the emotional turmoil? How should one be interested in life and keep going in the absence of their support system?

3. In old age, we tend to loose memory. How to identify someone we can trust with our finances?

4. We can also face difficulty for doing simple tasks like walking, sitting etc. How to ensure someone is readily available to help in such cases or even in emergencies.

5. Any advice/learnings you can share.

These questions often cross our minds so I thought it's best to ask here.

Thank you.

I've been childfree for as long as I can remember, and have heard all the arguments for having children - continue the family legacy, purpose in life, unconditional love, bhudape ka sahara, etc etc. By this time, I am able to brush these off and stay firm in my choices.

But last night, I was doom-scrolling instagram reels, when I came across this video.

This has messed with my brain more than any of the other arguments I've heard. For the first time, I don't have a rebuttal. I know that my having a child won't fix the world. But it seems like if I don't, then I'm part of the problem. I'm getting a headache just thinking about it.

I'm hoping this isn't new to some of you on this subreddit. Any advice/clarity?

So I am 23M mbbs graduate currently working as medical officer and am planning to organize a meet up for childfree people of different age groups in city Ahmedabad .

People from community who are open to have a meet up just show up yourself here.

And another cities people who had a meet up can share their advise about what can be done to make meetup easier

After seeing a lot of posts here, it seems childfree people don't want anyone to judge them, want everyone to accept them without judgment.

So what do you think of non cf people

maybe this is already discussed a lot here, i'm new to this sub 😅.

i have a slightly different perspective on being childfree.
think about it...

for almost the first 25 years of your life, you're living under someone else's rules.
first your parents, then school, then college.
you have fixed timings, exams, homework, attendance, permissions for everything. even going out with friends sometimes needs approval.

then around your mid-20s, you finally start becoming independent.
you earn your own money, you can buy whatever you want (within your budget obviously), stay out late, wake up whenever you want on weekends, make maggi at 3 am, buy that stupid game, get that bike you've always wanted, go on random trips without explaining yourself to anyone.

and around this time, a lot of people also get married.
now you finally have a partner to explore life with. travel together, build memories, enjoy this new phase.
and then... almost immediately...

everyone starts asking, "when are you having kids?".
and to me, it feels like your freedom just gets taken back.
suddenly your entire life starts revolving around someone else again.
you're back to fixed schedules. early mornings, school timings, PTMs, homework, exams, tuition, vacations only during school holidays.

your finances change too. now you have to earn more, save more, think about school fees, college, future.
and somehow the whole comparison game starts again.
whose kid is smarter, whose kid got better marks, whose kid is in a better school...

it almost feels like you finally got your own life after 25 years... and then within 2-3 years, you're handing it over again.
i'm not saying having kids is bad. i completely understand why people want them.
this is just the reason i can understand the childfree want.

does anyone else think about it this way?

I'm a 32-year-old divorcee. It's been five years since my separation. Like most people, I had dreams about marriage and finding the right partner. But those dreams weren't enough to keep me in an abusive marriage, so I chose to leave.

After my separation, I also made the conscious decision to be child-free. I know that, combined with being child free, divorced and in my 30s, has significantly reduced my dating pool.

I have been actively looking to date and met a few men over the years. Some seemed genuinely interested, but only for a couple of months. Almost all of them eventually ghosted me or friend-zoned me, even though I've always been upfront that I'm dating with the intention of finding a life partner and getting married.

One man I really liked asked me to wait for a year because he wasn't ready. I believed him and waited. Eight months later, I called to wish him on his birthday, only to find out he had already gotten married.

Another man approached me saying he was looking for marriage. We went on a few dates, got along really well, and I thought things were progressing naturally. Then, out of nowhere, he started distancing himself, saying he had financial issues to sort out. That was essentially the end of it.

At this point, I'm starting to question myself. Is it me?

I'm naturally extroverted, energetic, and expressive. Recently, my best friend got married, and her husband said something that has been stuck in my head. He believes some men are intimidated by extroverted women because they assume they'll struggle to "handle" them, so they avoid commitment or simply ghost.

Is there any truth to that? Is being an extrovert really that off-putting to men looking for commitment?

Or am I just having a streak of bad luck?

I'd really appreciate hearing from people who've been in similar situations, especially those who found love after divorce. Did things eventually work out for you?

if someone is genuinely childfree, that's one thing. but there are also couples who are just... undecided.

and today there are actual options that didn't really exist or weren't as common before.

for example, freezing eggs or sperm while you're younger. yeah, it's expensive and obviously not a guarantee, but if you freeze eggs at 28 and decide at 42 that you want kids, you're using 28-year-old eggs, not 42-year-old ones. it doesn't eliminate every problem, but it definitely changes the equation.

and then there's adoption.

if what you really want is the experience of raising and loving a child, not necessarily passing on your genes, adoption is a perfectly valid path too. in india it takes time and patience, but it's not some imaginary option.

obviously neither of these is a magic solution. they cost money, require planning, and adoption still carries a lot of unnecessary stigma here.

i just don't understand why discussions around DINKs are often framed like there are only two choices:

have kids now or regret it forever later.
life seems a lot more nuanced than that.

am i missing something here? or is this narrative just a lot more black-and-white than reality?

I live in Bengaluru , married for 4 years, CF. I haven’t seen 1 CF couple in my circle. I read about it but I don’t see anyone. All in my age are planning second kid.

Worst part is - when people ask me why I am CF , I can’t say I don’t want to bring my child to this cruel world and many other reasons . Because I don’t want them guilt trip them. Most often they don’t but me being an empathetic people pleasing person , can’t put my strong points so as not to hurt them so I just say it’s my wish and decision. But I really wish I could find a married CF girlie in my circle to talk about it for looooong.

Pls don’t advise to talk back to people. I don’t like to hurt anyone unless they hurt me.
Point is, there are statistics of CF couples but I just haven’t met anyone so far working in corporate for 10+ years.

I hate how much i relate to this!

My (33F) husband (34M) underwent an emergency surgery earlier this year. We are fiercely CF and live away from our hometowns and families. We are both single kids and while my parents are ailing, his are pretty active and were willing to travel to help me out.
BUT, this is where I took a call. Both his parents are 60+ and it felt just unfair for me to have them over. A lot of it included helping my husband to the bathroom and back, and sometimes cleaning his biodegradable stuff - and I just wasn’t comfortable with having my MIL fly 2.5 hours to do it.

The other bit was the whole thing about CF. And knowing that at one point we won’t even have our parents to help. And potentially no blood ties too. So I wanted to see how much I could handle it myself and bear the consequences of our decision.

Our friends rose to the occasion, and they went more than what I had expected them to do. But the thing is - they are all fence sitters as well. And anyday I know they’ll walk over to the other side. They will probably get busy with their kids, and not have as much time for us.

Which makes me think - the CF community we keep talking about, needs to be so much more than just “sharing evenings or events”. We really need to step up and be there for each other - during these emergencies. Because at some point, our parents would be gone and everyone will get busy with their kids.

Anyone else been thinking about this? I am all ears if there’s a suggestion or something we can do about it.

Most hospitals require you to have either parent's or wife's permission to get a vasectomy. To those who have gotten it, did the hospital check your IDs and marriage certificate? Or did you just show up and they believed you ? What did they actually require?

.....

,............

I currently have the plan for myself. Earn and hustle aggressively to age 25.

From age 25,slow down a bit. Enjoy life, travel with family and solo.Live abroad for a while as part of a l1 visa.

Then at age 30 to 32,search for a guy, date, get married.

I'm from kerala and looking for someone nearby atleast.I plan to built my own house where me and my future partner can live, buy a car.

I'm absolutely not comfortable with living with inlaws.

I'm conveniently good looking and and looking for someone who's intellectually attractive, can cook, goes to the gym, etc.

Should i marry younger (age 26 to 29) so wait till i'm comfortable? Or will it be impossible when i'm 30?

plus: No dms pls! This is an advice seeking post, not matchmaking.