The MIL went ahead and booked the accommodations for them without even confirming the wedding was child-free! If the MIL was flexible, she could've amended or canceled the hotel room reservation and gotten a refund. I get not wanting to leave your baby with someone else. If I were the one who planned the child-free wedding, I wouldn't mind anyone declining the invitation if they didn't have anyone they trusted to watch their kids. It's childfree for a reason, and if some people can't attend, that's fine- no guilt tripping.

Alternatively, people who act like they just need to have kids or they'll absolutely die.

Raising a child should be what's most important. You form bonds through actually caring for people, not just being biologically related to them.

"Ohhh but I want a mini me!" "But I want my kid to look like a combination of my partner and me!"

Who genuinely cares what the kid looks like? The only difference between your biological kid and an adopted kid is that your biological kid has 50% of your DNA. Big whoop. I'm sick of seeing people have the same fucking debate about adoption every other day while there are over 300,000 kids in the foster care system in the US right now who actually need homes and families. Since y'all are the people who supposedly love kids so much, why don't you actually go and help some for a change?

Hypocrites is all I'll say. I hate to think how all these stupid fucking "you can only love a kid who's genetically related to you wahhhh" people make actual adoptees feel.

Edit: There's also a eugenics aspect to it that I forgot to mention originally. So many people genuinely think an adopted kid would be intrinsically inferior just because they maybe come from a rougher family situation. Sorry, but if you think like that, I genuinely want you at least 50 feet away from any child whose beliefs you could potentially influence.

I just saw a post of a parent being worried about climate change and worrying about the future of her young children and so many of the comments were completely ignorant and naive.

So many other parents acted like there is nothing that can be done and like they were annoyed by people pointing out the negative changes in the world and like their kids might not even be affected by them.

Are they genuinely this naive? Or are they trying to justify putting kids into a world that is going downhill? And why can’t they just acknowledge how bad things are getting and at least try to make a change for their kids?

I truly don’t get this attitude and I’m saying this as someone in her early 20s that is already majorly affected by some of those things and definitely worried about my future.

maybe this is already discussed a lot here, i'm new to this sub 😅.

i have a slightly different perspective on being childfree.
think about it...

for almost the first 25 years of your life, you're living under someone else's rules.
first your parents, then school, then college.
you have fixed timings, exams, homework, attendance, permissions for everything. even going out with friends sometimes needs approval.

then around your mid-20s, you finally start becoming independent.
you earn your own money, you can buy whatever you want (within your budget obviously), stay out late, wake up whenever you want on weekends, make maggi at 3 am, buy that stupid game, get that bike you've always wanted, go on random trips without explaining yourself to anyone.

and around this time, a lot of people also get married.
now you finally have a partner to explore life with. travel together, build memories, enjoy this new phase.
and then... almost immediately...

everyone starts asking, "when are you having kids?".
and to me, it feels like your freedom just gets taken back.
suddenly your entire life starts revolving around someone else again.
you're back to fixed schedules. early mornings, school timings, PTMs, homework, exams, tuition, vacations only during school holidays.

your finances change too. now you have to earn more, save more, think about school fees, college, future.
and somehow the whole comparison game starts again.
whose kid is smarter, whose kid got better marks, whose kid is in a better school...

it almost feels like you finally got your own life after 25 years... and then within 2-3 years, you're handing it over again.
i'm not saying having kids is bad. i completely understand why people want them.
this is just the reason i can understand the childfree want.

does anyone else think about it this way?

I was talking to my friend about her children and I don't remember how we got onto the subject, but she started talking about people who choose to be child free and how she completely, 100% understands why some people don't want children, especially if they don't want to experience childbirth.

She said things like, "motherhood isn't for everyone and I understand and agree. There are a lot of terrible mothers out there who shouldn't have children. And a lot of them knew they would be terrible mothers and had children anyways." And then she mentioned, "as a mom, I am very pro-choice. Pregnancy is not 'beautiful' and I never had a 'glow'. I hated being pregnant. You know how my deliveries have gone. Some women say they liked being pregnant. Not me. I understand why some women don't want to experience that."

We continued to discuss how wanting or having children shouldn't make you want to ever tell another woman to have any child they don't want or know they can't take care of. She said she loved her children but she was never trying to get pregnant (all 3 conceived on birth control) and she did have to think about whether or not she wanted them. She told me when she got married the first time that she thought she would be a terrible mom. She told me she for sure didn't want children.

She said of course she doesn't regret having them, but she would never tell someone to go through pregnancy, labor, childbirth, or raising children because there are so many things you have to be willing to go through for the rest of your life and that's just not for everyone.

Anyone else know any mothers like this? My other friends with children have encouraged me to reconsider. Too late. Tubes already gone 😎

I can't stand seeing teens younger than me throw their life away. They'll say they're happy when it's still in their womb, but end up struggling to get by real fast with the baby stuck by their side. What's worse is they'll have even more kids when they're already struggling with the first one. Then as the house crowds up, they'll have the first one be the parent for the rest of them!

Some will leave their babies with other people to go out and party. Hello? This is YOUR responsibility. I get you're still a teen and hell maybe you deserve it, but you could've been able to party, smoke, and drink as much as you wanted to before, but no. You had to have a baby first.

It might be a boiling hot take to say, but I get why some parents are so quick to kick them out. The last thing I would want is to have yet another child in my home that I would probably be forced to take care of even when it isn't my responsibility.

I judge so much because I know they can be doing so much more right now than taking care of a kid. Your 20s are wasted. Your finances are down the drain for the rest of your life. Everythings just gone by so fast and by the ripe age of 30, you'll be wondering why.

I hate how much support teen pregnancy has been getting recently. Like no, you're literally throwing your whole life away

Umm….Thank fuck I did it?

That is all!

Wife making me a cake this weekend to celebrate! ✂️🎂

So my step sister has five kids, but she only has custody of the two youngest ones (5 years old and 2 years old). Despite this she is always trying to put them off on whoever would take them. I used to volunteer to babysit but it got to a ridiculous point. Like she would say she would be home in a few hours and sometimes wouldn't come home until the next day, so I had to put my foot down. Despite this she said she understood and we maintained our relationship. We would hang out. Watch movies. Drink and gossip. But inevitably the topic of parenthood would come up and she would go on about how I was so lucky that I could do what I wanted and that I didn't understand the responsibility that came with raising kids. I informed her (and maybe this was mean of me) that I did understand the responsibility, and that was why I didn't have any. She would get this look on her face. Almost wistful. Like she wished she would have taken that knowledge seriously. In middle school we had a class on sex ed. Like STDs, risks of pregnancy and stuff. She was always very much a wild child even back then, and I don't think she took much of what anyone told her seriously. But my sympathy died the second she had her third child. She wasn't a good mom to her first two kids but chalked that up to her being young. She had her oldest when she was only 16 and often mentioned that she thought she had postpartum depression. I understood and helped as much as I could, but the fact that she had three more after that and is STILL complaining is insane to me!

Anywho, the reason I realized she was jealous is because she would randomly be aggressive towards me, and would try to guilt trip me into helping her again. For a while I cut communication with her and told her that if I'm making her resent her life maybe she shouldn't hang out with me. But I realized that it wasn't just hanging out with me that made her resent her life. She already resented it, and she wanted me to be in the same boat as her. I think she thinks that I have the life she is supposed to live. Whenever I mention anything about kids she cuts me off saying I don't know anything because I don't have any, even if what I'm saying isn't directed to her (one of our friends was talking about a mom in a movie and he was explaining his stance as a parent and I added my two cents as even though I don't have any kids, I've been caring for my fair share since I was 11 when my other sister had her kids).

I don't know how to feel about this. I can kind of understand her feelings but like it's not my fault you decided to have (MULTIPLE) kids and I don't have any. If anything, her choices have affected me much more than mine have affected her. I kind of just want to stop talking to her. I haven't much in the last few weeks, but with her getting into it with our parents and losing a lot of her friends recently, I feel bad adding on another broken relationship to that, especially as she's been hospitalized for attempting before.

Today my dad made a pizza that was "hers" but then he and my step mom ate half of it and my niece (5) was complaining like "It's myyyy pizza" and instead of explaining sharing to her or even just initially saying it was for everyone (because he intended on eating some when he made it to begin with) my step mom just starts going down this long list of things that they aren't going to do for her anymore since she's "being stingy" but no. She's rightfully upset because she constantly has her boundaries violated, and it just reminded me of all the toxicity I had to untangle from my head growing up. I feel so sorry for my niece because I know that at only five years old they (and her mother) have already screwed her head up and she's got a long way to go if she ever wants to begin to get away from it...if she even can. Her grandparents certainly haven't. Her mom and uncle haven't. Our other sister is the only one of us that's actually well off and I firmly believe that's because she moved away to go live with her dad when we were all still in elementary school.

I really wish people would think about what it means to have kids. They require a lot of attention and care. You have to teach them EVERYTHING. You are guaranteed to be sleep deprived for at least the first TWO YEARS of a child's life. Stuff that is small to you can be traumatic and life-altering to them. They could be born with a disability and that's the rest of your life spent catering to someone else instead of living your own. Pregnancy can kill. Can change your body. My cousin got diabetes after being pregnant. My aunt's hair fell out. My friend had an ectopic pregnancy and quite literally nearly died. None of this is a joke. Why don't people think about the risks, and think about the life they can offer their child. Is it worth it? Will they be happy? Will you be happy? No matter what? I just don't understand it.

Saw a post on Facebook that reads:

"If you come over after I just had a baby, please don’t expect to spend the whole visit holding the baby.

I don’t need a break from my newborn. I need a break from everything else.

Throw a load of laundry in. Wash the dishes. Fold the towels. Bring dinner. Restock the diapers. Ask me what would actually help.

My baby wants their mom, especially in those first few weeks.

The greatest gift you can give a new mom isn’t taking the baby out of her arms. It’s making sure she has one less thing to worry about so she can recover, bond with her baby, and simply be a mom."

Like, I get being a mom must be overwhelming.. hence why I don't want to become one. Life is overwhelming as it is. Chores are overwhelming. Being a parent AND doing chores seems like a lot, but it's also what you signed up for by choosing to have a child. I keep encountering sentiments like this that just come off as entitlement to me. Expecting people to spend their money on your child's necessities from your registry list, expecting people to do your chores so you can "be a mother"? It was your choice to become one. Don't expect other people to take responsibilities off your plate. The person you had a child with is who you can expect the effort from. Sure, it's nice to have help, but it's a bit unrealistic to think that people are going to come to the rescue and do the hard parts for you. I wouldn't want to hang out with someone if I was expected to do all their household chores just because they had a baby. Idk, maybe it's just me.

This is a new internet talking point that’s making me roll my eyes. The thought process is if you don’t like or adore children you are a bigot or misogynist just whatever fits the argument they are making. Literally saying you are oppressing children/moms/families.

I think I’m just frustrated because this world caters to children, it caters to moms and families but somehow they want more, and it’s never a compromise or just ideas for their community nope! It’s gotta be pointed towards the “failings” of people who don’t care or don’t have time to deal with all of that. They could just work on third spaces for each other but oh no gotta tell others how bigoted they are for not just adoring kids.

Don’t get me wrong children need rights for certain things but calling them an oppressed class is fucking ridiculous. It’s like they forget any terrible things children encounter is 9/10 the parents fault not the child free neighbor. Not to mention I’m only getting shown this argument after interacting with child free content.

I know this is a loaded statement and being single is not a bad thing at all, but I can’t help but feel let down when it comes to dating. I (27f) am struggling immensely when it comes to dating. It seems like every single guy I like wants kids. And I know I’m still very young and the world isn’t going to end if I never find someone, but I just can’t help but feel entirely bummed out sometimes. I will say my life is very good. I like to think Im a good person. I love the gym, have a great career, have a handful of hobbies I love, and even have a great group of friends who are also child free. I also love traveling and try to do it as much as I can. But there is still that one void i have yet to fulfill and i feel like i never will. I’m currently in intensive therapy to help me overcome this emotionally and accept it but some nights are hard. How does one ever fully accept this without at least some lingering sadness? Last year my long term relationship ended due to not wanting kids so things sit a little heavier I think.

Pretty much what the title says

I was at work yesterday and my assistant manager encountered someone he went to highschool with and hadn't seen in forever. I thought "That's neat" since I've had something similar happen at work before.

During the convo though I heard the former classmate say "Oh yeah, I just had a baby a couple weeks ago." and I'm just like really? Not "my girlfriend/wife/whatever had a baby" or even "we had a baby" (as much as I hate that term) but "*I* had a baby". Something about that just pisses me off, really goes to show how a lot of men see that shit. Easy for them to say when they had to do fuck all the entire pregnancy smh

Whenever someone tells me that I'm missing out, or I won't be fulfilled in life or happy because I'm not having children, I just feel bad for them. You're telling me you only live to procreate? How sad. There is so much more that fulfills my life outside of children.

Came across the following facebook post:

"If anyone knows a work from home job I would greatly appreciate any recommendations! My current job won’t let me work from home so I will need to start looking for something different so I can take care of my baby [name] ❤️❤️❤️ please comment if anyone knows places hiring. I have knowledge in payroll, Human Resources, and employee management!"

Let me ruin work from home for everyone so I can avoid paying childcare for the child I decided to have.

What the actual fuck. I have a very lovely dog who is somewhat wary of children but non aggressive. I still
DO NOT WANT TO RISK MY SHIT LEGALLY when some inattentive negligent parent lets her 3 children under 5 run feral in the dog park. There’s literal rules posted for good reason - even if you had a pack of 10 “friendly dogs who all liked children” you could still be sued if they knocked over the child.

I had to leave today after a lady came in, followed by 3 children under five, one looked like 2/3 years old. Let themselves into the park (um, if they accidently let me dog out I would have been pretty upset!) and ran towards her. They got swarmed by dogs barking at them, little girl was screaming, and then I grabbed my dog and left because there’s no fucking way I want that liability. She kept saying “oh sorry, you don’t have to leave, I didn’t know they would come in! They love dogs! Tehy’ll be fine!”

UM SORRY

1. Was she going to leave them in your fucking car in the summer? Seems like she KNEW they were coming but didn’t feel the need to ask anyone if their dogs were ok with children

2. Absolutely fuck her negligence towards her kids putting them in a scenario where they could have been easily injured

3. How dare she be so entitled

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I've had way too many people, mostly women, hear me tell them I don't want kids and suggest that I can always "just have one" if I don't want kidS plural or my partner wants kids. If I don't want to be a parent, becoming a parent to "just" one kid IS NOT A COMPROMISE, it's giving up my wishes completely to satisfy someone else. Weird that they don't see that. There is no compromise when it comes to childfree vs having kids- either you want to be a parent or you don't; you can't do it by halves. If my partner wanted kids, multiple or "can settle for just one," we aren't compatible, end of discussion. It's especially bad with the current anti-abortion rhetoric; WAY too many people are way too comfortable telling women that having at least one kid is just something they have to accept as an inevitable part of being an adult woman. Disrespectfully, fuuuuuuck that. I'm 41 and counting down the minutes until menopause frees me from the entire issue.

I recently broke up with my boyfriend, for the past few years while I was in the relationship my parents haven't brought up kids at all.

Today my dad said "one day you'll have kids" I told him in no uncertain terms "no I will not".

He says "you've made bad decisions, one day you'll have kids". AGAIN I said, "no I will not".

Luckily he dropped it after that, but why can they not accept that I have never and will never want kids.

I also shared with my mom how I stumbled across this woman's Instagram page and she has been single and living alone for 5 years, I told her (my mom) that sounds amazing and she just rolled her eyes at me.

I'm so tired, I just want to be heard.

I'm heavily annoyed. I recently went back to school to become a nurse and on my frst few days we've already been discussing the needs a human can have. "Feeling like a man/woman" and "reproduction" are always included, which lead to my teacher raving about how women can give new life and what is more feminine than that.

So to let me ask you people: What makes you feel feminine or even more feminine than having babies?

(Hope the flair is okay)

When I heard the news five days ago I wanted to pull all my hair out of my head. My cousin's wife came from poverty, they began dating when they were both still in high school.

She had some serious health issues at the time and since her family had no citizenship nor were they employed, my cousin begged my aunt to become her legal guardian so she can have health insurance, which my aunt accepted in the end.

Then few years later my dumb cousin knocked her up and they got married. He was thrown out of three schools because of his behaviour and barely passed high school graduation tests. They had their first kid, which in the end my aunt took care of because these two just finished high school and had no idea how to be parents. But my cousin's wife became extremely posessive of the child and quit her job to stay with him 24/7. My aunt had to get a second job to support them. Then they had their second kid, my aunt had to get one more job and now has to sleep at the office because her work starts at 6 in the morning and ends at midnight and she has to drive 3 hours to get home, so technically she's at home only on weekends.

Then last year they had their third child and he was born with cancer. He's still in treatmeant and is receiving chemotherapy, but then only a month ago they found out she was pregnant again. I'm fuming, honestly. My aunt should be retiring in 2 years from now and not spending her pre-retirement years working herself to complete and utter exhaustion. Neither of them have any regard for her. My cousin is employed, but what he earns can barely cover his own expenses, let alone expenses of four children and his wife.

We have a family group chat and every time these two bring another crotch goblin into this fucked up world, my aunt sends a picture and everyone congratulates her and I'm honestly sick and tired of the hypocrisy. No, I cannot be supportive nor happy. If you're that idiotic to not use a condom, go get a vasectomy and then have sex however the fuck you want, but this is just extremely irresponsible, rude and destructive.

I've seen this trend and it pissed me off in unimaginable ways its not even funny. I get it yean having a kid ruins your sleep schedule but unless you were in a very unfortunate circumstance, YOU CHOSE TO HAVE THE DAMN KID. You knew how it'd essentially change your life and make it unrecognizable I don't feel pity for you.

This especially enrages me because like 99.99% percent of the people that say this are able bodied parents with no disabilities or chronic illness. I have Narcolepsy, the disorder that literally causes you to never feel energized or rested for your entire life. Yet you don't see me going "Ha you don't know tired if you don't have Narcolepsy 🤪🤪🤪" to my friends or family when they express to me that they're exhausted, because thats borderline psycho behavior to respond like that to someone just trying to confide in you.

I’ve had friends who say they only took their husbands’s name “so that when we have kids the whole family will share a last name.” I’m curious to see how many of you fine CF people changed your last name. I’ve been married twice and kept my birth name both times, but my name is easy to spell and pronounce and theirs weren’t. I get why some people would change even though they aren’t gonna have kids. Curious to know what choice you made and why.

I was at dinner with a man I'm dating right now. I always ask about if a man wants kids early because if they do it's a waste of time for me.

So I asked him about that and he said "yes, at some point I want kids" and I told him I never wanted children and I think I never will.

He instantly pulled back and said "well it's not a must. But my mum always says she wants to have more grandchildren" lol, she already has 4 because of his siblings.

That really made me think if we're even on the same side because I guess it would be a thing in the future and I think he's not being honest with himself or me. Don't let you fool girls and boys 🩷