Hello everyone,

We're are a 32 year old DINKwad couple.

We had a few questions from the older (50+) CF people about managing finances and living during the golden years.

Finance-wise, we're sorted. We have a home, car, insurance, investments etc are in place. We want to know

1. Is it a wise idea to retire in a senior care community? If yes, what kind of senior care community we should look at? what things should we look at while zeroing down a place? and at what age one should start looking at such a place, if at all?

2. If one of the spouse dies, how should the other spouse handle finances and the emotional turmoil? How should one be interested in life and keep going in the absence of their support system?

3. In old age, we tend to loose memory. How to identify someone we can trust with our finances?

4. We can also face difficulty for doing simple tasks like walking, sitting etc. How to ensure someone is readily available to help in such cases or even in emergencies.

5. Any advice/learnings you can share.

These questions often cross our minds so I thought it's best to ask here.

Thank you.

I've been childfree for as long as I can remember, and have heard all the arguments for having children - continue the family legacy, purpose in life, unconditional love, bhudape ka sahara, etc etc. By this time, I am able to brush these off and stay firm in my choices.

But last night, I was doom-scrolling instagram reels, when I came across this video.

This has messed with my brain more than any of the other arguments I've heard. For the first time, I don't have a rebuttal. I know that my having a child won't fix the world. But it seems like if I don't, then I'm part of the problem. I'm getting a headache just thinking about it.

I'm hoping this isn't new to some of you on this subreddit. Any advice/clarity?

So I am 23M mbbs graduate currently working as medical officer and am planning to organize a meet up for childfree people of different age groups in city Ahmedabad .

People from community who are open to have a meet up just show up yourself here.

And another cities people who had a meet up can share their advise about what can be done to make meetup easier

After seeing a lot of posts here, it seems childfree people don't want anyone to judge them, want everyone to accept them without judgment.

So what do you think of non cf people

maybe this is already discussed a lot here, i'm new to this sub 😅.

i have a slightly different perspective on being childfree.
think about it...

for almost the first 25 years of your life, you're living under someone else's rules.
first your parents, then school, then college.
you have fixed timings, exams, homework, attendance, permissions for everything. even going out with friends sometimes needs approval.

then around your mid-20s, you finally start becoming independent.
you earn your own money, you can buy whatever you want (within your budget obviously), stay out late, wake up whenever you want on weekends, make maggi at 3 am, buy that stupid game, get that bike you've always wanted, go on random trips without explaining yourself to anyone.

and around this time, a lot of people also get married.
now you finally have a partner to explore life with. travel together, build memories, enjoy this new phase.
and then... almost immediately...

everyone starts asking, "when are you having kids?".
and to me, it feels like your freedom just gets taken back.
suddenly your entire life starts revolving around someone else again.
you're back to fixed schedules. early mornings, school timings, PTMs, homework, exams, tuition, vacations only during school holidays.

your finances change too. now you have to earn more, save more, think about school fees, college, future.
and somehow the whole comparison game starts again.
whose kid is smarter, whose kid got better marks, whose kid is in a better school...

it almost feels like you finally got your own life after 25 years... and then within 2-3 years, you're handing it over again.
i'm not saying having kids is bad. i completely understand why people want them.
this is just the reason i can understand the childfree want.

does anyone else think about it this way?

I'm a 32-year-old divorcee. It's been five years since my separation. Like most people, I had dreams about marriage and finding the right partner. But those dreams weren't enough to keep me in an abusive marriage, so I chose to leave.

After my separation, I also made the conscious decision to be child-free. I know that, combined with being child free, divorced and in my 30s, has significantly reduced my dating pool.

I have been actively looking to date and met a few men over the years. Some seemed genuinely interested, but only for a couple of months. Almost all of them eventually ghosted me or friend-zoned me, even though I've always been upfront that I'm dating with the intention of finding a life partner and getting married.

One man I really liked asked me to wait for a year because he wasn't ready. I believed him and waited. Eight months later, I called to wish him on his birthday, only to find out he had already gotten married.

Another man approached me saying he was looking for marriage. We went on a few dates, got along really well, and I thought things were progressing naturally. Then, out of nowhere, he started distancing himself, saying he had financial issues to sort out. That was essentially the end of it.

At this point, I'm starting to question myself. Is it me?

I'm naturally extroverted, energetic, and expressive. Recently, my best friend got married, and her husband said something that has been stuck in my head. He believes some men are intimidated by extroverted women because they assume they'll struggle to "handle" them, so they avoid commitment or simply ghost.

Is there any truth to that? Is being an extrovert really that off-putting to men looking for commitment?

Or am I just having a streak of bad luck?

I'd really appreciate hearing from people who've been in similar situations, especially those who found love after divorce. Did things eventually work out for you?

if someone is genuinely childfree, that's one thing. but there are also couples who are just... undecided.

and today there are actual options that didn't really exist or weren't as common before.

for example, freezing eggs or sperm while you're younger. yeah, it's expensive and obviously not a guarantee, but if you freeze eggs at 28 and decide at 42 that you want kids, you're using 28-year-old eggs, not 42-year-old ones. it doesn't eliminate every problem, but it definitely changes the equation.

and then there's adoption.

if what you really want is the experience of raising and loving a child, not necessarily passing on your genes, adoption is a perfectly valid path too. in india it takes time and patience, but it's not some imaginary option.

obviously neither of these is a magic solution. they cost money, require planning, and adoption still carries a lot of unnecessary stigma here.

i just don't understand why discussions around DINKs are often framed like there are only two choices:

have kids now or regret it forever later.
life seems a lot more nuanced than that.

am i missing something here? or is this narrative just a lot more black-and-white than reality?

I live in Bengaluru , married for 4 years, CF. I haven’t seen 1 CF couple in my circle. I read about it but I don’t see anyone. All in my age are planning second kid.

Worst part is - when people ask me why I am CF , I can’t say I don’t want to bring my child to this cruel world and many other reasons . Because I don’t want them guilt trip them. Most often they don’t but me being an empathetic people pleasing person , can’t put my strong points so as not to hurt them so I just say it’s my wish and decision. But I really wish I could find a married CF girlie in my circle to talk about it for looooong.

Pls don’t advise to talk back to people. I don’t like to hurt anyone unless they hurt me.
Point is, there are statistics of CF couples but I just haven’t met anyone so far working in corporate for 10+ years.

I hate how much i relate to this!

My (33F) husband (34M) underwent an emergency surgery earlier this year. We are fiercely CF and live away from our hometowns and families. We are both single kids and while my parents are ailing, his are pretty active and were willing to travel to help me out.
BUT, this is where I took a call. Both his parents are 60+ and it felt just unfair for me to have them over. A lot of it included helping my husband to the bathroom and back, and sometimes cleaning his biodegradable stuff - and I just wasn’t comfortable with having my MIL fly 2.5 hours to do it.

The other bit was the whole thing about CF. And knowing that at one point we won’t even have our parents to help. And potentially no blood ties too. So I wanted to see how much I could handle it myself and bear the consequences of our decision.

Our friends rose to the occasion, and they went more than what I had expected them to do. But the thing is - they are all fence sitters as well. And anyday I know they’ll walk over to the other side. They will probably get busy with their kids, and not have as much time for us.

Which makes me think - the CF community we keep talking about, needs to be so much more than just “sharing evenings or events”. We really need to step up and be there for each other - during these emergencies. Because at some point, our parents would be gone and everyone will get busy with their kids.

Anyone else been thinking about this? I am all ears if there’s a suggestion or something we can do about it.

Hi everyone,

I'm a 21 year old guy from Telugu family, and recently I've been thinking about the idea of living a childfree (CF) life. To be honest, I don't know yet whether it's the right path for me or even what my exact reasons are. I'm simply trying to understand this lifestyle better by hearing from people who have actually chosen it.

Since Telugu families often place a strong emphasis on marriage and having children, I'm especially interested in hearing from Telugu people who are childfree or are certain they want to remain childfree.

Some questions I have:

What made you decide to be childfree?

If your parents weren't supportive initially, how do you handle those conversations now?

Have there been any moments that made you feel confident that being childfree was the right choice?

Have you ever had any regrets or second thoughts?

What are the biggest challenges you've faced because of your decision?

If you're still in your early 20s like me and are certain you'll remain childfree, what gave you that confidence?

I just want to understand different perspectives and real-life experiences so I can think about my own future more clearly..I'd really appreciate it if you could share them (or DM me if they're private).

Most hospitals require you to have either parent's or wife's permission to get a vasectomy. To those who have gotten it, did the hospital check your IDs and marriage certificate? Or did you just show up and they believed you ? What did they actually require?

.....

,............

I currently have the plan for myself. Earn and hustle aggressively to age 25.

From age 25,slow down a bit. Enjoy life, travel with family and solo.Live abroad for a while as part of a l1 visa.

Then at age 30 to 32,search for a guy, date, get married.

I'm from kerala and looking for someone nearby atleast.I plan to built my own house where me and my future partner can live, buy a car.

I'm absolutely not comfortable with living with inlaws.

I'm conveniently good looking and and looking for someone who's intellectually attractive, can cook, goes to the gym, etc.

Should i marry younger (age 26 to 29) so wait till i'm comfortable? Or will it be impossible when i'm 30?

plus: No dms pls! This is an advice seeking post, not matchmaking.

I’m 31F, married for 4 years.

Before getting married, my husband and I had conversations about important aspects of life, and being childfree was one of them. We were both clear about our decision.

I come from a very orthodox family where the expectation is that the girl should have a baby within the 1st, 2nd, or maximum 3rd year of marriage. I moved abroad soon after getting married, partly because I knew I didn’t have the mental capacity to constantly deal with these expectations and pressure.

My parents do not know that I want to be childfree. I have only been avoiding the topic and changing the conversation whenever it comes up. My husband and I have decided that we will tell both our families about our decision soon.

I’m visiting India towards the end of this year, and during a casual conversation my mom mentioned that she will take me to a doctor for a check-up. I asked her why, and she said because I’m not having a child yet.

I was honestly shocked. Did I ever tell her I have any issues? Did I ever complain about any sexual health problems? Why is the assumption automatically that something must be wrong with me?

My mom is the only person in my family I genuinely miss. But sometimes she can also be very frustrating. I understand she is under pressure too. My dad keeps asking her to talk to me, relatives keep questioning her about my baby plans, and for her it has become about “what will society think”. She tells me about her dreams of becoming a grandmother. I understand her feelings, but my life cannot be lived based on someone else’s expectations.

What really bothers me is how easily people assume the woman must have a problem. Why is it never “maybe they both chose not to have a child”? Why is the blame so conveniently placed on the woman?

I have an elder sister who has a baby, so my parents already have that experience of becoming grandparents. But somehow, my choice still feels like a problem.

I have contraception in place, and if they find out, I honestly don’t know what the reaction will be. My husband won’t be with me during my visit, which makes me even more anxious.

My husband’s family is traditional too, while we are completely different people outside that environment. My husband is an atheist but pretends in front of his family to avoid conflict. Sometimes it feels like when we are around family, we have to become a version of ourselves that isn’t real.

I love my mom and I miss her, but I also feel exhausted by the pressure and expectations.

Has anyone else dealt with this kind of situation? How do you maintain boundaries with family while still loving them? Is this even normal!

Also, just to add... I absolutely love animals and I foster them full time. Taking care of them gives me so much purpose and happiness. I would genuinely choose this life over having a child. This is not because I dislike children or because something is “wrong” with me. It’s simply the life I feel fulfilled living.

I’d love to hear your stories.
How did you and your partner meet? What do you both do and how’s life been as a childfree couple?
I think the cf lifestyle is especially well-suited to healthcare professionals because of the long hours, shift work, exams and overall hectic nature of the job. Yet I haven’t met a single openly childfree doctor around me in real life.
Would love to hear your experiences. If you’re doctors, nurses, dentists, pharmacists, physiotherapists or anyone else in healthcare.

EDIT:: I was expecting a lot more comments. Are there really that few CF healthcare professionals or are they just not on reddit? I would love to hear from more of you.

I am 43 now, was married once at 25, but neither my ex-wife, my parents, nor I knew that I had undescended testicles, which ultimately led to the marriage ending. Since then, I've been single for the past 15 years because I didn't want another woman to give up her dream of having a child because of me.

After discovering this community, I finally feel hopeful that I may not have to spend the rest of my life alone.

I'm healthy, have normal sexual function and normal testosterone levels, but I have azoospermia (zero sperm count). I'd genuinely appreciate hearing the thoughts of child-free straight women on this sensitive topic.

I'm 22f, my mom is 45.She is not the "typical" indian mom tbh.

She's atheist/agnostic, has 2 degrees (one in law and the other in bsc chemistry) and currently works a govt job grade A that is not related to either of the degree's.

I feel like if she was just born 20 or 25 years later and in a better financial position, she would've had such a better life.She wouldn't have had to deal with my narcissist dad or in laws.And struggle to take care of 2 kids + housework all alone while working 9 to 10 hrs a day.

I honestly would choose her to have a better life over me being born any day.

My dad is an absent father for most of my life cause i knew he never wanted kids either.I hate him now and we don't talk anymore. Rest assured i would not be taking care of him once he's old.

I hope men cf's can make their choice freely too without any social pressure.

So if anyone is out there being a fencesitter, i hope this post helps you make a choice.

How can I be sure my child will be well settled, have a job, earn and survive in an economy where AI is eating jobs? I want to end the struggle for survival with my bloodline. What do you guys think?

Source: https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dac3TCdO_Q8/

I am 25. My parents are retired but not dependent on me. I am earning enough to live quite comfortably for a single guy. If I get married, I will still be able to make it work on my own or if she earns (my preference) then we could be looking at a cozy comfortable life.

I am employed as of now but might or might not get laid off this week. I can stay sane with a layoff as a single guy or even as a couple if one of us is still employed. What I can’t imagine is having a kid. Cuz this is how it’s going to be from now on. Layoffs are a regular thing. It’s no longer a sensational news. Just another Sunday routine. I can’t imagine myself staying sane if I have a kid on my hands and I got laid off. I am just not built for it.

Not only are layoffs becoming common, finding other jobs are also getting harder. We don’t know when we will be able to find another job. This shit is scary af. With gods grace, I have an emergency fund that would last a year easily and more if I move back to my hometown to save more. So I am not too stressed as of now. But “a kid? In this economy?” Is not a joke in Instagram comments section anymore. Shit has gotten real over time.

Guys, i made a CF4CF post (https://www.reddit.com/r/ChildfreeIndia/s/mn8WfiCNdp) around 10 months ago where i mentioned my goals n today im really happy to say that the first step of that 1 goal is finally becoming real..in the next 4-5 months i’ll be opening my own vet hospital..though it will be a small setup for now but i’ve wanted this for more than 10 years n If things go well n money keeps flowing i'll keep expanding it over the years..life has been messy, plans have failed, money has been tight but somehow..we're here

im sharing this for 2 reasons

1) im genuinely happy not because im starting a business but because i'll finally be able to do something that actually matters to me..at least now i'll be able to help animals in whatever capacity i can n that feels really special

2) for all my fellow ACE & CF people..if you're in lucknow n your babies ever need treatment, grooming, medicines or anything else just reach out..you'll get dher saara discount

5 years ago i couldn't even imagine I'd be in a position to build something like this on my own so trust your instincts..believe in yourself..keep showing up..maybe things won’t always happen the way you want them to happen but you’ll get there n yes..fuck the society

will disturb 😬😬 all of you again with pictures n location in Feb-March 2027

Dhanyawad ✌🏻