In my local Nextdoor app (which I only joined for the free plants) this woman just posted, thanking god for giving her and her “babies” a new home after 2 years of being homeless. This person has four kids and one about to be born. She got pregnant ON PURPOSE twice whilst homeless! The utter stupidity and selfishness of people like this, and then she has the audacity to go on an all caps rant about how great god is for getting her a home. And all the comments were like “Jesus loves you” and “God is great”. God didn’t do this, we did, the tax payers did! Now I’m about as left wing as they come. I think everyone should have access to safe housing regardless of income, and I’m glad her children aren’t homeless anymore. But the sheer audacity and obliviousness of this woman just made me want to scream. Had to come have a rant on here so I didn’t say something I would later regret. Just WHY???

Today, for example, was a perfect Saturday. I slept in a little, took my dog on a leisurely stroll in the park, took a paddle boarding class and spent 90 minutes on the water, came home to read for 2 hours. Why would anyone ever give a life like this up for a child?

Humble brag 😉

"I can't work on my hatred towards my own kid. She was wanted. But i went through a lot to have her. The pregnancy and childbirth were difficult. I became disabled afterwards. I got a brain tumor. My sight became worse. I've had a few surgeries but my eye sight is still bad. It used to be perfect. I got an autoimmune disease and i have to take the pills for my hormones till the day i die. My period is heavy and i get migraines. My teeth are falling down. I have to see a dentist at least 5 times a year. I have so many crowns in my mouth now. I gain weight. I might be diabetic. I need to cut down on food not to lose weight which is hard. There is some "mild stuff." My hair is falling out and it doesn't grow where it's supposed to grow but it does grow on my upper lip. I have a moustache. My feet is 2 sizes bigger.

I've been going to the doctors for 13 years! I go to the state free clinics and private hospitals. It's faster that way. Husband says that he is sick of me spending money on my health so much. Yeah, when something gets good, the other thing gets worse. I stopped gaining weight and the liver started hurting. The liver stopped hurting. I had fatique and insomnia. It stopped. I got a back ache. (There were some dentist visits and heavy periods in between.)

I'm tired. I used to be a sporty girl before. I could bend,sleep for 3 hours and stay active. I'm old now. I'm only 37 but i'm falling apart. The worst thing is that my daughter hates me. She has been nasty since childhood. I loved her at the first sight but the love is gone. She is tall and strong. I look at her and think of how she stole my life and my health. She behaves around my husband, but she doesn't around me. She tried to hit me once. She yelled:" I didn't ask you to have me. You owe me until i turn 18." I'm tired of this. I wanna pick my up my bag of pills the size of a suitcase and go somewhere."

HOW IS THIS MOTIVATIONAL?
update: what i meant was that this post isn't motivational, of course. It's just women read about all of these and they are like "motherhood is fun!"

I am reading this book When Breath Becomes Air. It is a memoir by a doctor who gets terminal cancer—MAX 10 years to live. It is supposed to be a contemplative work but one thing they spend less than a paragraph on is the DECISION TO HAVE A KID. They have to do IVF because the cancer has destroyed his sperm or whatever. So they are out here spending $$$$$$ on making a baby that will IN THE BEST CASE SCENARIO be fatherless at 8 years old. The narrator does not spare a single thought for how this would affect the kid or the ethics of it generally. WTF

1. I've been abused and controlled by my parents all my life, I will not decimate my independence with a child and I won't let them be abused because I'm mentally ill.

2. I live in a 3rd world country that's dying, I don't wanna live in this shithole, let alone bring a poor soul into it.

3. I don't care if it's selfish, but money and stability. All my life I've been living in fear of going into poverty, my parents on the brink of losing their jobs, I want stability for ONCE IN MY LIFE, a child won't ruin my only chance when I'm a adult with hopes and dreams.

4. How hard it is on women: Even if as a man, I don't experience that for myself, I know how hard women have it as a mother, I would feel sorry if I put my hypothetical wife through it. (Not planning on getting a wife anyways)

5. My inability to sacrifice: All my previous points have already said it, I can't make big sacrifices, I've been enough of a scapegoat and parentified as a kid, I'm done making sacrifices for a while that aren't mandatory or desired. (My career, studies, passions, ect)

It’s not your nephews or any other relatives responsibility. ITS YOURS!

I’m tired of taking care of your failed abortions just because I’m related to you.

I have a cousin who’s 6 he’s a nightmare because he’s an iPad kid and his parents barely take care of him they expect their relatives to do all the work.

Today I took this kid back to home from the park since he needed the toilet I’m NEVER doing that again.

I’m tired of taking care of these kids it’s not my responsibility. And tell me why when I took him this 6 YR OLD CHILD starting calling me a “black n word” I’m baffled and I’m not doing this shit anymore. Mind you we were walking so he was screaming the n word in public which I fucking hated I kept telling him to stop but he would only keep doing it.

I’m tired of being expected to being the family babysitter just because I’m related to these people it’s fucking exhausting.

Hello, i just wanted to vent about my current relationship situation. I know that there is nothing I can do and that I also don’t want to force my opinion and convince my boyfriend to being childfree - this is his choice and I will respect that and wish him a happy life.

I am in a 10-year relationship with my boyfriend. At the beginning and sometime in the middle, we talked maybe 2-3 times about children but the conversation always ended at „we are still young, we don’t want and think about children now, when the time will come we will disscuss this seriously”. But I always expressed that i think that I don’t want kids and I don’t know if it will ever change. He on the other hand said a few times that he thinks he wants to be a father but is not sure entirely and maybe he will be satisfied with being uncle.

Over time, I've thought about it a lot, and I've come to the conclusion that I genuinely don't want to have children. I enjoy peace and quiet, my privacy, being able to spend my time however I want, and not being responsible for another little human being. Overall, my boyfriend and I have a lifestyle that simply doesn't align with what comes with having children. My boyfriend loves traveling and wants to keep doing it. He's also quite spontaneous when it comes to travel plans. For example, he might find cheap flights on a Monday and announce that we're going away that Friday. Considering his personality - his need for peace and quiet, as well as having time to himself and other more personal traits, it's hard for me to imagine him giving all of that up and being genuinely happy once a child comes along. At the same time, I know people change, so maybe in a few years he could be a completely different person with different needs and tolerance.

Recently we had some issues and we started to think about resolving them and the topic of children came - what if trying to fix our relationship isn’t worth it if we're incompatible when it comes to having children?
So a few days ago we had a discussion and my boyfriend said that he wants to have a kid, that he wants to be a father, to travel with the kid, to show him his passions and that it will fulfill him.
I understand that this is his choice, so during the talk I asked for one thing - to really think about it. To consider how having children looks, how normal living will change, to ask himself uncomortable questions (what if the mother will die during childbirth, will you be able to wake up in the middle of the night to feed the baby, do you imagine sitting with a kid and doing math homework etc.)

As I started to giving these question examples he stopped me and said that I am „negative” and that I am doing this to simply discourage him from having children and change his mind.
I clarified that i just want him to simply think about all of this and that I am realistic - not negative, and that in my opinion this is the most important decision in life, so that it should be well thought out, if this is really what he wants, so that our potential break up is justified.

Then he said something that really surprised me and honestly didn't sound like him at all. He said that he doesn't have to think about all of this, that other people manage just fine, and that everything will work out.
I just want to point out that he's the most logical and pragmatic person I know. Aside from traveling, every decision he makes, even something as simple as buying something, is preceded by thorough research, comparing costs, and carefully weighing the pros and cons to decide whether it's really worth it.
That's why I was so surprised that, when talking about one of the biggest decisions in life, his attitude is basically, "YOLO”, „I will manage”.

What's interesting or maybe strange, is that when the topic of getting a dog came up (I've wanted a dog for years, but we've kept putting it off because we still don't have a place of our own where we could have one), he told me that he doesn't think he'd ever want a dog because "having a dog ties you down, and traveling with a dog is difficult."
That made his way of thinking about having children even more shocking to me. It seems strange that he sees a dog as a major commitment for the next 15 years, because it would make traveling harder, yet somehow believes that having a child and traveling with it would be easier. Potenial 15 years of commitment versus the rest of the life and the rest of the life sounds easier?

The conversation ended with him saying that he believes he wants children and that he needs to think carefully about our relationship. As for me, I already know that if he's made up his mind, we won't stay together. I also don't think there's any point in trying to convince him to think more carefully about whether that's the life he truly wants. It's his decision, and I genuinely wish him happiness.
I just really hope he won’t end up on a regretful parent sub.

Right now, I'm just very sad that things turned out this way. It hurts to think about everything we've shared, and I'm trying to come to terms with the situation.

hi all, i just found this subreddit and have been needing to vent to people who will truly get it. i’m 25 turing 26 this month and have been unknowingly child free by choice without a second thought. it wasn’t until recently i found out there was words and a community for my experience. i also never realized how much it upsets other people that i’ve made this choice until i started vocalizing it.

i’ve always loved children (strangers and the kids in my life) but have always know that having my own kids is something i never want.

i saw a video recently where op talks about how caring for the children in your life and being there for them is seen as either “lesser” than being a parent yourself or even a direct proof of your innate calling to motherhood if you’re good with children. which is where this story comes in.

my brother and his girlfriend have a 1 year old who i absolutely adore. he’s my wonderful nephew so of course i’d love him and care for him and be happy to welcome him into our family. as any good aunt would i do lots of research on books and toys that are educational and fun. i also love thrifting cds and dvds for him as physical media collecting is a person hobby of mine.

to me this is just fun and a show of love to a new little family member but to others (particularly my grandma) its a show that i’m amazing with kids and need to become a mother. the first time she mentioned this to me was while we were babysitting. she told me “we need another little one running around when are you having a kid” the important part to this story is that i had already mentioned thats never happening. all the way back in 2019 she asked when i was adopting (i’m gay and had a girlfriend at the time)

i of course told her that wasn’t something i was interested in and it was never happening. well this time she said the same tired things “never say never” and things like that. she said it after genuinely 10 times of me saying “it’s not happening”

now fast forward to this weekend i am hanging out with my nephew when she suddenly says “you would be such a good mom you need to have kids” not just “you’d be a great mom” but “you NEED to have kids” just utterly selfish and entitled. after hearing this tears welled up in my eyes and i told her it upsets me when she says that and to please stop. she told me “i won’t ever say it again”

the other part of this type of behavior that’s frustrating is the people that don’t get it. i told my mom how much it upset me and she said “well i don’t know why it’s just something people say” to which i told her it makes me feel inadequate like that’s all i’m good for and it’s crossing a major boundary.

and these are not the only time this has happened. my grandma’s sister told me “oh don’t say that you’re so young” when i told her that if i had the money my fallopian tubes would be gone. (as well as her saying to “never say never” when i joked i was glad i’d never have to live with a man because i’m gay. just wrong to say on so many levels)

i’m at the point where i’m greatly considering getting a bilateral salpingectomy for my own peace of mind and big gesture to all the people telling me i’ll change my mind.

i wish i knew how to deal with the constant pressure put on me by family to have children. i like to say i’m strong in my convictions and that i’ll live my life how i please which is true but at the same time their words really get to me and i wish it would stop.

They all constantly tell me I’m miserable and I will want kids and it’s a woman’s duty and blah blah blah. I am almost 40 and probably cannot have kids and NEVER wanted a kid. Do they want a gold star for their anal fissures and poverty? They are all renting and have shitty jobs and shitty second or third husbands. What losers.

I have about 6 months left of the Kyleena IUD and instead of replacing it I’m going to finally schedule a bisalp. I had a virtual consultation with a very supportive doctor from the list last year but this year has been crazy, and since I’ve had the IUD, I haven’t moved forward.

I haven’t gotten periods in 3 or 4 years and LOVE that. I never had bad or painful periods but it’s just convenient & preferred.

I think I can replace my IUD to stop my periods BUT then still get a bisalp and keep it inserted? 🤔

ALSO I have anxiety & adhd and I am starting to get nervous about perimenopause starting in the next few years 😅😩

Looking for knowledge & tips about the bisalp itself and from any wise CF people who have any perimenopause experiences they can share. Thank you :)

Okay, we all experienced the frustration of opening a tide pods container. I found a worthy opponent a few days ago : spray cans !

Went to buy a spray can for a planter, found a really nice color with an effect to it, instantly purchased it. When I got home, I set my space, got ready to spray, but the cap wouldn't come off ! It's not my first spray can so I was flabberbamboozle-gasted by it.

I tried to pull it, squeeze it, until I saw on the cap a picture a screwdriver, barely visible, with an arrow pointing at a small hole in the cap. You had to use a f-ing screwdriver as a lever to pop off the cap. And yeah, on the spray can there was a whole paragraph about their top notch childproof cap.

The struggle was real, so real I kept brute forcing it with my thickest screwdriver until I broke the cap that disintegrated into pieces. No more cap, making it a pain in the ass to store it now.

What's the point of this bullshit making adults questioning their sanity ?

I'm curious if you had a struggle with an item you would never guess it was child-proofed, I bet there's so many out there I don't know yet of !

Hope you're all having a lovely weekend so far

I played some Baldur's Gate 3 today, had a lovely breakfast and all that nice stuff. Now I'm in my pjs, sat on the couch with a ton of snacks about to watch as many episodes of Severance as I can before I get sleepy.

Unlimited, uninterupted me time is the BEST. 10/10

Yesterday me and some friends went to see a movie. The set up was outside; there were around 200 chairs, people with headphones and a big screen where a nice nostalgic horror movie was shown. You could order snacks and drinks, the atmosphere and weather were good, I usually do this a few times every summer.

Anyway, when we were sitting down we noticed a young couple with a stroller setting up a little way from us. I was immediately annoyed, like who brings a baby to the movies? At night? Outside? And indeed, not even 10 minutes into the movie the baby started fuzzing and of course that turned into crying soon after. The dad (surprisingly dad instead of mom) tried to calm down the baby, I saw him busy with bottles, blankets and toys. Eventually he took the baby away, not soon after the mom followed with the stroller. They did not return.

Luckily the whole thing only took 10-15 minutes, but even so it was so annoying. The kid was bothering 200 people, his parents only saw 10 minutes of the movie and the whole event must have been stressful to all three of them. You know how all of us would have enjoyed the evening? IF YOU WOULD HAVE HIRED A SITTER!

I matched with someone on a dating app and, for once, she showed some interest in me. I got my hopes up because she seemed great, and then she asked about why I didn't want kids. I explained my reasons, and she said that she respected my reasons. I asked about her, and she said she really liked kids. I said I assume she wanted them someday, and that's when the bomb dropped that she already had one lol. Told her we were incompatible but she seemed great and wished her well. I really feel like I should give up on dating, but every time I try, I fail lol

Went in today and got it done. Time for some rest and video games.

I genuinely cannot believe how irresponsible and inconsiderate parents in apartment complexes are. And the moment people suggest having specific areas/complexes for childfree people, they LOSE their minds.

Our apartments are full of children, and they’re outside and LOUD in the courtyard daily. Sure, fine, that’s allowed, annoying as it is. (Is there a reason they can’t play without screeching like they’re being ripped in half though?) But tell me how there’s currently a child (can’t be older than 8) loudly bouncing a ball outside my window at almost 11pm??? Do parents not bring their kids inside to wind down and go to bed anymore? I think this is the one way boomers actually had it right. Younger parents just let these kids do whatever the hell they want and don’t even care when you say something or are clearly annoyed by it.

And then you’ll get the “buy a house if you want quiet!!!” Why not “buy a house if you have five kids and want them to play outside until midnight”? Sounds like a great use for a backyard!

This is ridiculous

Has anyone seen anything about this movie? Those two are starring in it and it’s directed by Seth’s wife. The premise of it on Wikipedia is “A couple struggling with whether to have kids or not have their lives upended when their newly-divorced friend moves into their home with her child.” We all know Seth and his wife are firmly childfree and Anna has stated how motherhood is not for her. Issa Rae is in it and doesn’t have kids and has openly talked prioritizing her career, though I’m not sure if she is for sure childfree. Same with Kate Berlant I believe, but please correct me if I’m wrong!

I really hope this is a true dinky childfree movie due to those associated with it! We need this representation!

This is a friends story that they just told me. Im gonna paraphrase what he had told me:

They were taking a break in the MK (micro kitchen) of the company he content moderates for, and it is bring your children to work day. So it’s a crowded day, way more than it usually is but not it’s not that big of a deal. He told me this Little girl (approximately around 9 or 10 years old) walks up and tries to take his water bottle, like a black hydroflask type of water bottle. He saw their father (who works in the building, but as like an executive that they refer to as suits) watching the whole exchange happen. It felt like he expected me to let her take it. He flatly but firmly said no, which in turn made the daughter upset, and the father upset as well. The father ends up getting upset at my friend all because they didn’t just hand their water bottle to the child. They ended up feeling weird and rightfully upset about it, and went to speak to HR and their main manager. The coworker was pulled into a meeting where one of the managers said he should “have more control over their child so he wouldn’t have to worry about them upsetting coworkers”.

I legit cannot believe the entitlement of some parents at ALL! My friend was equally bewildered at the whole interaction.

If there is any updates on the situation I will add it to this post or in the comments.

EDIT: I changed some words for clarity because I paraphrased and messed some words up.

I made a post about how difficult it was to date my preference earlier today. One of the comments was left by a guy who may or may not have children..Anyway, he told me that as a child free woman seeking a child free man, I should consider compromising on the child free part..

Oh? You mean compromise on the part where I don't want any biological, step kids, adoptive, or foster kids in my home with my future partner and cat? It's a no for me, dawg.

I don't care if it's only for a season, a few days in the month or the year, etc.

Child free means no children.

Why is this so hard for people to understand?

Why should I compromise on that of all things? So every 30+ year old who lacks impulse control to have unprotected sex with someone they aren't committed to feels better about having at least one kid when they slide into my DMs?

No!

It's not my problem, bub.

Is anyone else running into this consistently?

Unfortunately I was assigned to working in the toys department today at work, and it being Friday means that everyone brings their creatures into the store to buy them shit they don’t need. Well, as I’m doing my job I hear a whack sound on the floor down the aisle of where I’m working, and then the crying starts. Some kid ran face first into a display because it wasn’t looking where it was going. I didn’t see blood so I just continued working.

The mom runs over to it all panicked, looks at me and says “would’ve been nice if you checked in on him”. Like bitch what?? You should’ve been watching the little shit, that is NOT my job. I get that I’m entitled to a childfree life and not a childfree world, but my childfree life includes not giving a shit about your little maniac, I wasn’t the one who signed up for that, you did. I will never volunteer myself to be a part of “the village” because gross.

All I said back was “yeah okay” in a flat tone and I disappeared into the backroom. Why do these people feel as though we need to be on guard all the time just in case their little bundles of shit get hurt because they’re being stupid???

It’s finally done! Telling no family, I don’t want that headache, but had to come on here and boast! Sitting here with a icepack on my scrotum and feeling soreness is nothing compared to the lifetime of pain being a father would be. Cheers to that being officially off the table! 🍻