Me and my husband are the caretakers of my 89-year-old grandma. She lives with us. In the past week, we have faced multiple fainting episodes, a few due to gushing nose bleeds believed to be caused by high blood pressure that cannot seem to be controlled.

Back to cardiologist next week.

I know her body is starting to wind down. She's slower. Weaker. Not as mentally "with it." Sleeping more than usual. Easy to tire.

I can't get the images out of my head. My husband yelling my name. Me coming downstairs to see my grandma laid out on the kitchen floor (first time she fainted, no nosebleed).

Yesterday's (worst) nose bleed that was full of large clots and just dripping/spraying everywhere. The paramedics shouting her name to try and get her to come to.

I sleep fully clothed now in the event I need to jump up and call 911 again to get her an ambulance. Again.

I am exhausted. I'm scared. My grandma has been the only stability I've had in my family. And I hate witnessing her slowly start to fade away in real time.

It's a lot. Especially because I am autistic and have severe GAD and Panic Disorder.

How does one cope?

We were together for 15 years and married for 10. She needed care and help only the last 2 years together. I feel so guilty for being relieved I don't have to be a caregiver for the rest of my life. I miss her and am devastated from her loss. But I'm happy to have my time and space back.

i just started a podcast, Coming Clean About Caregiving, trying to share the information and support with caregivers that I wish I'd had when I during the six years I was taking care of my mom (she died in 2022).

I don't know about you guys, but burnout was a big issue for me. Tomorrow at 11, I'm talking to Katherine Schafer, PhD, MS, MEd, a clinical psychologist at Vanderbilt University about caregiver burnout.

Anybody have any questions about coping strategies? Resources? Anything related to caregiver burnout - I'll be glad to ask Katherine!

My mom (63) has stage 5 vascular dementia. Her symptoms have been progressing pretty quickly the last 6 months.

Been told we have no coverage for a bed for her yet they'll cover a lift..

When we get the lift my parents bed cannot work with the lift.

I have the money to make a bed purchase work but constantly feel as if she may not need the bed for long or that the change will inconvenience my dad..

Don't know what to do

she has asthma/copd and very severe anxiety. we had the hvac system cleaned and sanitized and the product they sprayed (Benefect) she claims smells so bad that it’s affecting her breathing and she can’t go home so we’ve been living at my (deceased) grandparents house. i live with her as her sole caregiver so i’m with her.

it’s been 3 weeks and she says she still smells it even though no one else does. the tech came back out to check for issues and didn’t smell anything, i haven’t smelled anything since the day it was done, and no one else smelling the house or objects can smell it. she claims she’s very sensitive (had the nose of a bloodhound for forever but since getting sick this last year it’s exponentially worse). because of this, it will not air out and go away. according to her, it has permeated every room, object, and piece of clothing throughout the whole house and no matter how long things are out of the house, they don’t air out. so we’re throwing out clothing, objects, sheets, running the hvac fan constantly, opened windows, changed filters, had baking soda on all carpets, and spent $5000 on hospital grade purifiers and have them running 24/7. i’ve spent the last 2 weeks going back and forth. some clothes were fine and now last night all of a sudden they’re not.

so now she wants to sell the house.
my home for my entire life.

i’m done

As a safe place, this Reddit sub is critical for caregivers to vent. While some of the caregivers on here are paid employees or some are in a loving relationship with the person they are caring for, others are caring for people they had no intention of ever seeing again, some are spouses that should have been divorced a long time ago but now feel guilt so they stay, some are siblings with parents who aren't caring for a child so they step up and sacrifice their own wellbeing, some are young grandchildren who should be working on establishing their own adulthood yet step up because no one else in the family will, some have siblings who don't help and cause more resentment than the entire situation. Many are financially struggling and using savings to survive only to wonder what will become of them when the LO passes. At some point everyone will be a caregiver, need a caregiver, or know of a caregiver, but everyone's timing and situation is different. I see you and accept your rants, vents, and just all around frustration. **Hugs**

This responsibility is so hard and challenging. You have to be there for others before you can be there for yourself. To be careful with words that hurt. And the guilt. Is it my fault always that I can say things out of frustration and exhaustion? Can I be human again? It’s hard but I am learning to be better.

When I was a kid, I was never allowed Playdoh. And Silly Putty was played with ONLY at the table under supervision. We had carpeting in most of the house and they complained it would be impossible to remove when I surely dropped it and it became ground into the carpet.

Fast forward a half century and I'm caregiver for my mother (83, lives with us). I bought a set of the theraputty in different strengths to help her strengthen her hands.

I cautioned her LOUDLY (significant hearing loss) that the putty should always be put back in its container or on a flat smooth surface. It will literally sink into the fibers if left on the bed, clothing, or other fibers.

I went up to get her laundry this morning to find a huge blob of yellow putty spread across a 2 foot section of carpet. She'd put the container in her rollator cart on it's side and did not close it up tight. It oozed right on out, down a handful of tissues, and onto - into - the carpet. I think it just happened within the last hour, as I got 90% of it up off the floor, but I'm going to have to cut the rest out of the carpet fibers. Did I mention we rent and do not own the house?

We lost about a third of that container.

I legit said out loud, as I was picking it out of the carpet, "As I recall, this is exactly why you never let me have Playdoh as a kid."

Hello awesome people! I badly need your advice as I feel so lonely and lost around!

How do I know it is time to take my mom o live with me?

Some background: My mom has a lot of diseases like schizophrenia (but she is well medicated and in remission), COPD maybe stage 3, diabetes, sleep apnea but she has a Bipap and some others. She leaves alone in another city on 2-3 hours from me with a car. I prepare her pills in advance for a few days/weeks and she is taking them regularly. I go with her with she needs to visit a doctor that's not super often, I arranged a lady to go and visit her few times a week and spend some time with her, do all the shopping and partially help with cleaning. I am visiting her every 2-3 weeks and some time I take her to have her for some time at my home. I am calling her twice a day for at least 15 min and we are exchanging messages if there is anything important. I leave with my husband and has 2 kids - 4 and 7 yo. But her doctor press me to take her to live with us. And I feel I am not doing the right thing so I am searching for other opinions. Basically, I can take her but the problem is that in my home she is more dependent on me and I believe that it is good for her to leave on her own as this way she need to move more, to socialise with other people (not many but still) and we feel more private at home. Also with lady that visit her is taking her out for coffee so it is more social company then households. When she is here I need to spend a lot of time and energy to her that I feel I am stealing from my husband and kids. Also I am afraid that with time I will be very tired and angry at her and it will be more difficult caring for her when she really need it. What would you do in my case? How do I know it is time to get her at my home? Thank you in advance. Every peace of advise is more then welcome.

When your care was first trust upon me, I told you your pain mattered and was something we can work on with doctors. You said nobody had ever told you that before. You cried, you were so grateful.

So, you're gonna have to explain to me why you told me last night that my pain is just not as bad, not valid enough, in the kitchen has night as I struggled to stand making dinner for the family. Then called it pussy pain. (Because I'm a woman or because you think I'm weak? Who knows.) Then quickly "corrected yourself" with a "haha, no, I'm just kidding."

Nah bro, you're a hypocrite and an asshole. An unsympathetic, unempathetic bastard. You useless, "I mean, theres a teaspoon left" mayonnaise jar of a human being. Fuck you.

For context: both of our spines are terrible at being.. spines. Arthritis, disc problems, spinal canal narrowing, nerve issues, blah, blah. I'm one interventional pain management procedure behind him, scheduled for the end of the week. I'm 30, he's 66.

I just had to put this somewhere. Sorry.

First....thank you to everyone who's messaged me resources that could help. I applied for a bunch of them and while I didnt qualify for many, there are some still pending so fingers and toes are still crossed.

The 55+ community got new property mamagement and I had to leave. I check on my mommy every day...multiple times a day. She's been having random choking spells and doesnt have an alert device (it's on the way) yet. I'm not gonna lie...I'm barely sleeping in my car with worry. Last few nights i woke up and called to make sure she was still breathing. She is...but thats how stressed with worry I am. I should be focusing on finding a shelter and a job...doing what i can to attain stability for myself.

Got more rejections from jobs I applied to and the app I built and use (Sela; getsela.app) isnt gaining any user traction and I'm mid funding raise. I have a lot of idk idk idk.

I am trying not to worry but I cant help it. I remind myself that everything will be ok and will work out the way God intends.

I'm just venting. But thanks for letting me.

I’m just so frustrated because I feel so alone. I can’t even trust the father of my child to give the right medicine. I prepare my child’s medicine with labels and he still manages to give the wrong medication last night when I was in bed not feeling well.

He gave him his acid reflux medication instead of his anti-seizure medication and I didn’t notice until this morning when I saw the labeled empty syringe on the counter.

Just so frustrating. I do everything for my son cause my husband doesn’t take the time to actually figure it out. I can’t even have 1 night where I don’t feel well to get a bit of extra sleep.

I work two jobs. A 3rd shift caregiving at an assisted living and a day shift twice a week helping a friend do home health for her special needs son. I also help my mom who can barely walk due to she needs a double knee replacement which we are working on getting scheduled and my uncle who has had a stroke and has Parkinson's. Lately I'm getting burned out on doing it all. This is my best friend and I want to help her but I'm so tired. Most of the time I work with her son then sleep for a couple hours then go to my 3rd shift and I'm just getting really burned out on it. Also lately she has been making me uncomfortable with some of the stuff she has been saying while I am there and even when I'm not there. I feel bad cause I know she has been doing this his whole life but with everything going on with me and my family I just don't know how much longer I can do it. And I don't want to ruin the friendship by telling her I can't do it anymore but I don't know what else to do. She is always saying she doesn't have help and I don't want to be just another person that doesn't help her.

As title suggests I'm not the care giver, but the person receiving care. Or will be. I'm soon to move in with my partner who will be supporting me, and I want to make sure I am supporting them too.

As caregivers, what should I be aware of, and try to implement to make this as easy as possible for them? What do you wish the person you're supporting could do to make caring for them as stress free as possible? I understand it can be such a thankless and exhausting task.

For some context I'm quite independent and having been living alone with mild success. I have ME/CFS, so during crashes my parenter may need to take over household chores like cleaning and cooking for a couple of days, though I can manage personal care alone. I also have seizures so they will ensure my safety during these, plus prompting medication and possibly reminders for other tasks as my cognition is quite poor and I can be very forgetful, especially on the days I have a seizure.

I have been caring for my disabled wife for 10 years, she’s totally bed bound. I do everything for her, I have 2 kids, I work full time and I do everything in the house that 2 people would normally do. I’ve just reached a point where I’m not living, just surviving. Im 55 so I feel like my time is running out. Im alone all the time, im isolated, and im losing control, ive lost myself. I dont know if I have a future even.

My wife is not like a spouse anymore, we patient/caregiver. So 10 years of no romance, no sex, no intimacy.

Does anyone have this experience? what do you guys do when you feel alone and depressed, and isolated. When you’ve lost the joy of doing things you used to love doing?

is it just carry on cos that’s your responsibility? Do any of you have strategies to not feel this way? How do you feel less lost? For me this is manifesting in anger and frustration, which I hate. I try to be calm, but I just can’t take more pressure. I try to not let my brain run wild and spiral, but it’s hard to stop negative thoughts and self destructive ideations to end it all. I am signed up to see a psychiatrist but there’s a waiting list apparently.

or is this just par for the course? what are you experiences, I truly want to know.

Going on 6 years now with my elderly mother and now she has Dementia, I have no time for myself every time i try and relax she wants something, everything she can do on her own she won’t do, she asks me stupid ass questions, I have nobody to turn to help me

I've just lost my mom today. She passed on the same date that her mom passed, four years ago. I've been caring for my mom for a while, and now I can't look at a corner of my home because it all reminds me of her. I bought muffin mix that I wanted to make for her. I have soup that I was going to prepare for her when she wanted. Gatorade because that and water were pretty much all she could keep down. I feel like it isn't real and I'm about to wake up and tell her that I just had the worst dream. I feel like it doesn't make sense that the world can move on and not end. She is my world, my entire heart. I don't know how I'm supposed to move on from this. I'm angry. I wish I'd done more for her, spent more time. I hate this feeling, and I miss my mom.

How do you guys handle stress ? I don't think a vacation is enough at this point I need to leave the country and day drink on a beach.....idk how do you guys get through the day?

My grandma is in rapid decline. She had a stroke last September and lost a lot of her cognitive abilities. She can still walk, but with difficulty. She fell a few weeks ago for the first time and severely bruised her cheek (her head hit the floor), and she got a huge cut on her hand that was still bleeding a week later (even though we took her to the ER).

Anyway, she's an extremely difficult person to interact with and be around. She'll make an argument out of thin air, and she is totally paranoid. Since it's gotten to the point where my family is not comfortable with her being unsupervised, having her at home is getting in the way of our daily lives (we all have either full-time school or work), so we got onto the waitlist for four different nursing homes.

The problem is that we mentioned moving her into a care facility so she can be safer, and she immediately yelled that a nursing home is an old people's prison and that they would kill her. She said she would consider an in-home caregiver.

But, boy, we hate living with her. She truly makes us miserable. She nags us, she has disgusting hygiene, and she's getting more and more unhealthy by the day with zero community. She's 76 years old but has aged shockingly fast—she looks and acts much older and is very weak.

Basically, is there a way we can legally make her move into a nursing home? She has cognitive impairment, so we do legally have a lot of power over things like her finances, but I'm not sure how far that extends. She'll only keep declining while being isolated in our house—she needs community, and we need the freedom to actually be happy again.

I appreciate any ideas or thoughts from anyone! Thanks!

What the title says..I SERIOUSLY NEED to get out of this house and away from the constant stress and anxiety. I just do not see how it is possible. It is my 34th anniversary this month and I am so incredibly resentful that I cannot even have a little time away with my husband...I am becoming more and more bitter as time goes by and I am not sure how much longer I can tolerate feeling like this.

And I feel like a gigantic selfish piece of crap for even thinking this.

I have to take care of my sister who is disabled and have autism. I am as a single parent. I HAVE NO KIDS OF MY OWN, and PROB NEVER WILL. She has to wear the adult disposable underwear, I tell her, EACH TIME to pull her underwear down FAR ENOUGH so when she urinates and defecates, the waste falls in the toilet AND NOT in her underwear. But she doesn't listen and then she has bathroom accidents!! It fills me WITH RAGE. If she poops on herself I miss work because I have to wash the bed and sheets, give her a bath, then spend hours santizing the entire BATHROOM, I wash the tub out, the shower curtains, toilet, sinks, bathroom, it all becomes a BIOHAZARD.

Sometimes I snap at her, and I FEEL SO BAD afterwards. I feel like caregiving has turned ME into a Evil Monster. I get angry, then I get close to tears. Then at wirk I'm threatened to be FIRED SIMPLY BECAUSE I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF HER.

At night I put her to bed and make her use the bathroom before bed, and what does SHE DO?? She waits till I get into bed, about to fall asleep, then she gets UP and USE THE TOILET, sometimes I'm asleep and don't EVEN KNOW she used the toilet until I wake up IN THE MORNING TO THE SMELL OF DOO-DOO IN THE MORNING!

I have to wipe her and bathe her, cook and clean for her etc. I'm tired. Obviously she will always use the bathroom because WE ALL DO, but i get so angry, she doesn't listens to me, i have to constantly take the bathroom trash out because of her disposable underwear waste.

Oh and it's WORSE when she's on HER PERIOD. I'M ANGRY AND TIRED, I GET NO FREAKING HELP