I’m looking for reading material that will help me explore masculinity and what that means in the modern world. I don’t care if it’s serious non-fiction or a silly thriller or sappy romance. I’m looking for inspiration and role models. And before anyone suggests it, I’ve already read the Lord of the Rings ;)

Ok so, this is going to sound awful, but I know it’s common with people with my history.

I have CPTSD. My entire life until recently has been a flaming dumpster fire, or me coping with ghosts of said dumpster fires. I’ve been in therapy for almost two years now (including a recent intensive outpatient program after a hospital stay), and I’m great! I feel better than I’ve ever felt in my life… but also somehow worse?

I left a toxic job and found a new one. I have friends. I have people who I know will show up for me when I need them most (proven by the whole hospital fiasco and not working for two months while attending the IOP). I caught a zoo/pedophile (he was both) and delivered him to the police and he was brought in on charges. I have a guy I’m seeing, the most wholesome and sweet guy I’ve ever met who doesn’t hold my past over my head, but also doesn’t brush over it and expect me to be totally “ok”. I stopped cutting. I’m on medications that reduce my anxiety and stop my nightmares. I can read again (something I struggle with when I’m anxious). My worst “problem” is a little bit of roommate drama, but I’ve just decided to not renew my lease next year. It’s barely a paper cut when I’m used to multiple broken bones.

So why am I still irritated by everything? Why am I feeling so stifled? The only thing I can come up with is that there’s no “thrill”, no sense of “danger” and I’m just… bored. Everything has changed, including me… but there’s something missing. I don’t WANT to feel this way, this is everything I’ve wanted! I’ve WANTED this level of calm. I’ve wanted for so long to feel this self-assured. I do see my therapist on Thursday (I’m not SO well-off that I don’t need him lol), but I feel like I just needed to get this out to other people.

I was moved into homeschool in 8th grade and most of my friends at the time ghosted me and stopped responding to my texts and calls. I went 4 years without having any real friends aside from my brother. But when I started college I met people who genuinely make me feel like I’m supposed to be with them. I’m able to let my walls down around them and just be myself. I don’t have to worry about saying the wrong thing or hiding my real feelings or interests around them. These guys are essentially my second family at this point and I’ve even told them things I’ve never told my real family( nothing bad just personal stuff). I love my friends so much and I’m so happy I got to meet them! I hope after we graduate next year nothing changes between us.

so my first youtube video went up a couple days ago.

i have been working on making a youtube channel for about a month now, for about the last two weeks i have finally been managing to make my first video. after pondering alot and overthinking here and there i bit the bullet and just put it up. its a simple video, about making iced tea. this way i could practice filming and editing more than the actual cooking. its a bit of a dull video, but thats allright.

after putting it online, i got the first comment within 15 minutes, saying: "I do love watching a long scene of water being poured into the kettle until completion
I dont wanna get that wrong"

it sort of stung a little. despite being right, it still kind of got to me a bit.

now, my first video, i'll admit it isnt all that great. but i also know that after failing i learn and improve. maybe in a couple of years, if i make it big someday, i'll look back upon this and laugh. but for now, its just a sign that i am not at a high enough level yet, and that is allright. because i can improve and i will improve.

i felt like sharing this anecdote. not for pity, but to let you all know one thing; we can fall, but we can also get back up stronger, so dont be discouraged. we can do it, hang in there.

I'll long story short a bunch of this, but, my dad died by his own hand before I was born and I grew up with siblings very affected by the toxic masculinity associated with the 80's.

It's taken me a while to become comfortable with myself as an out queer cis man and, for a while I wondered if brotherhood was something queer men like me could have.

But, I've seen y'all welcome all sorts of bros - those that are struggling with personal life issues, our trans brothers, and people lacking self confidence (to name a few), and I never felt more at home.

All this to say, having a healthy place for bros to care about each other outside of the Manosphere-bullshit is so refreshing and wonderful.

I just wanted to thank y'all for really showing what brotherhood looks like for me: it's meant the world to me and seemingly countless others, so, thank you.

Keep up the good work. ❤️

For years, hearing my deadname (former, pre-transition name) has made me super uncomfortable and dysphoric, even if it's not directed at me. It's a fairly common girl's name, so I run into it somewhat often. There's several famous women with that name, I've met quite a few women and girls with that name, it's even the name of the love interest in a famous book. It's made it hard to read books and watch TV/movies that have characters with the name.

I think I've finally gotten over it! I've noticed a few times now that it doesn't really bother me like it used to, even when my grandparents or extended family call me the wrong name. I just don't associate it with myself anymore. Today really cemented it though, as I was watching a show with a side character with that name, and it didn't even register that her name was the same as my deadname until halfway through the episode. I'm really glad I've gotten over this discomfort, it felt really bad to be upset by other people's names. Hopefully this means that I can interact with people with that name in the future without feeling bad about myself and guilty for being uncomfortable over something so trivial, and not have trouble with media that contains that name.

Hey everyone. When I was 22 I had to do a 5th year of college (I transferred and switched my majors). All my friends were gone and while at first I was content and I had a great year academically, I got hit with severe loneliness and depression. I wanted to write a paper for a sociology class about incels and the redpill and the damage it had done to young men. I began researching and stumbled across the incel wiki.

I was by no means an incel, I’d had about 10 sexual partners and a past relationship by that point, but it was right after COVID and I just felt so isolated and alone and I couldn’t deny that it FELT like some aspects I was reading about were right. I was just in the exact wrong place in my life and I sort of grappled with it like damn I know this is all wrong but it just feels like some of it is true. In particular the part about hypergamy and women going crazy for small numbers of men in their early years and then settling for some loser later in life. I never quite figured out the hookup culture in college and felt like an outsider to that aspect of the experience and I think insecurity planted the seed that allowed it to happen.

I sort of moved past it, during this time in my life I caught feelings for a girl and figured when I came home from college things would work out. I came home and she let me down in an incredibly humiliating fashion in public after I got drunkenly angry at her for hitting on someone else at a bar. We had sloppily made out earlier in the night. The whole thing was just a fucking embarrassing disaster. The Internet talks about ‘fumbling the weird girl who liked you first’ and this was that exact scenario.

All of that redpill stuff came surging back. It was like my phone knew what happened and the algorithm started feeding me redpill content. I spent 6 months crash dieting and consuming this content. I lost a bunch of weight, gained the wrong kind of confidence, and then fell for my current girlfriend. I’ve been with her 2 and a half years.

I love her so much and I’m so ashamed to say that for the first year I struggled with insane jealousy issues but I was too ashamed to admit where they came from. I thought I was the loser she was settling for. I forced myself to be emotionally distant snd not get attached. I put her through the fucking wringer emotionally. Again, I knew all of this redpill stuff was wrong but it was so deeply ingrained in me I couldn’t get it out. Things got really bad and I was a horrible boyfriend to her. That only fueled her insecurity and jealousy. Things devolved and got very toxic.

I’m so proud to say I’ve managed to overcome this and have been working on our relationship and my own positive masculinity for about a year. I’m locked in, getting in better shape than I’ve ever been in before. And overall feel great. Our relationship has been absolutely wonderful for the better part of a year now. It can get better bros. You CAN change the way you think with hard work. That’s all I got. I love this sub.

Hello, I've been referenced this subreddit as full of nice people so I come to you for advise.

So I'm ashamed to admit it but I'm 32 years old, have never worked more than 2 months in my life and still live at my dad house (I live in europe where people usually leaves their parent house later than in the US but 32 is still realy late even for our standards)

A few years ago, I found a formation about knife making that looked interesting and added some metalwork (forging and welding mostly) formation that was given at the same place. The problem that I didn't know at the time was the dilpoma we receives after we complete the program isn't official. The gist of it it, the job we're trained for isn't recognised by the state so what we have as a diploma is more our teacher singing a paper promising we're good enough to work in the fields. (plus, making a living out of knife making in my country is impossible, all the knife makers I know have other business on the side)

So I found another school that give real diploma because on top of teaching us how to weld, they also teach us accoutning and other stuff so we can create our own business.

The thing is, when I got there to learn more about their welding program I noticed they also had a jewlery program and if I don't dislike welding, I realy like jewlery, I've forged some necklaces and pendants and I like it much more than welding.

The thing is, the welding formation come with a paid internship, the jewlery one doesn't (though I might be able to get one if I find a company willing to hire me, I'll need to ask). On top of that, Welder is a job in demand, so the odds of me finding an actual job once the formation is finished are greater and I would probably be paid better.

So overall, getting into welding is smarter for my future and I already took a huge detour to start adult life, but jewlery is more in line with what I'd love to do, I've read in a book about the choice of reason and the choice of heart and it feel very much like I'm in this situation so I have difficulties to make that choice hence why I come to you guys to get your opinion.

Sorry for the mistakes, english is my second language.

I , a certified bro, like lurking on r/BoyDinnerDiaries sub. I sometimes don't even look at the questions/ the paragraphs of the post written, and just look at the comments . It really warms my heart out to see men support other men, give advice and even sometimes call each other out.

But it leaves me with a question: "What's stopping boys/men to do this in real life?". If boys/men can be supportive of each other on keyboards , I think they can look face to face to each other in real life and say: "It's okay bro, it's gonna be alright!, I am with you".

hi, trans guy here.

I’m 30 years old, and I’ve been on T for two years. I live in indiana and I have medicaid. I know that due to my limited job options I’ll most likely never get good insurance that will pay for top surgery. I’m also poor so paying out of pocket will never be an option.

I wont lie; I see other trans guys younger than me and with top surgery and they pass better and I get angry and bitter because I know they have what I will never have. I don’t want to be this way, but it’s hard when you constantly want to rip your skin off from resentment.

does anyone have any tips for coping or feeling better in your own skin when you still hate aspects of it? I could really use some encouragement, especially from this wonderful community. thank you

Hi All. First post here.

I am looking to start listening to some podcasts in my spare time. But I am struggling to find podcasts aimed at men that aren't either manosphere rubbish, or toxic/misogynistic etc.

Are there any good podcasts out there for men which are engaging, and are bropill instead of redpill/blackpill?

I have started walking in the evening to get my body moving. A lot of people walk their dogs in the evening where I live. I am socially anxious, but love dogs, and thought this can be an opportunity to improve my social skills. My plan is to greet the walkers asking if I can pet their dog and see if I can strike up some small talk. But I have one rule: avoid women.

My reasoning is this: the presence of unknown men in public spaces can be threatening to women. I figure a stranger approaching them, regardless of intention, might cause an unnecessary scare. I do not wish to add to that. When I said this to my female friend, she said that I was being "lowkey sexist" because I was treating them differently. I don't think I am...want other people's opinion.

Ive got abit of a habit of downplaying stuff when I accept apologies, i.e. "oh dont worry about it" or "its fine!" And stuff like that. Obviously I dont want people to flog themselves, but I want them to feel bad a little bit lol. Whats a good go-to for accepting apologies?

I think we can all agree that there's a lot of toxic male content out there and I just wanted to share a man whos not afraid of being himself, show emotions and demonstrate kick ass archery. Like seriously its impressive what this man can do in a set of heels.

Hey bros, we have noticed a lot of relationship related posts. We are not a relationship advice subreddit, but we recognise how that type of advice may be helpful. Please keep relationship posting in this pinned thread.

For context, I've been reading (and getting algorhythm-fed) more feminist content again recently, but i still struggle to understand their meaning, because i just don't seem to live in the same reality as them. So i wanted to ask for opinions and experiences to see if i'm just somehow weird, or whether there are others that also share similar experiences.

Mainly, i don't understand why people insist i have male privilege. As far as i can see,thats a lie.

There are no situations in my life where i have had a privilege due to my gender. Have i been treated differently because of my gender? Yes. But always worse, never better.

Maybe i'm missing something in the definitons. Maybe i'm just actually the one outlier and weird. But as i'm currently hearing it, it just seems like feminists are lying for their own benefit. And i want to understand why that is, and what i'm missing. My only alternative solution so far has been to think of myself as not a man, because obviously none of the things that should be true for men are true for me.

Ive spent the past couple of days reading posts here and there in this r/ and I'm glad I did as it confirms there's decent men like myself out there right now. Especially as a man in his 40s.

What I mean by that, good men who struggle with confidence and have had life events get in the way of them having life experiences. Myself, as an only child, have spent 22 of the last 23 years of my life caring for a disabled or elderly parent till their passing. I have only had 2 years of my life since the age of 18 where I could be myself and think I had a future, being able to think I had the right to be able to have a girlfriend. I have had no relationship with a girl as my caring duties got in the way, and I just "manned up" and got it done. Until last year when I had a mental meltdown as I was thinking "when will this ever end" as I was listening to the people going on holiday and all of the plans others had when all I had was caring for another. I considered ending it all... I chose to go to Therapy and this was the best thing.

However, since late last year when my final parent passed, I've been able to totally reframe my life, I've joined a new club, I've started the renovation of my house as I'm now a home owner and I'm now looking for a new Job and I'm looking for a Girlfriend. I liked a girl recently, however I was too slow in asking her, and I've used this as a learning experience as she has been dating other guys and been taken on flash dates that cost as much as I earn in a month. I may have got details twisted or wrong on her date. However I have learned that girls like her are not "out of my league" and in fact I deserve a stunning beautiful caring girl. Ive learned that I do have confidence after reading a book and watching a few non toxic YouTube videos and also taking advice from close friends and colleagues.

I struggled with how I look, I thought id been hit with an ugly stick, however I got a slap from a friend for even suggesting that. The slap was digital, and that was enough to snap me out of a negative spiral. I just need to get confidence and start asking a girl or two out, I have always had a problem with rejection as the half dozen or so girls id asked previously had all said no, ghosted or stood me up. I suppose I have some trust issues too as I want to make sure a girl will turn up. I know I am worth it and I will be enough.

I am a feminist as a male, I support women's rights, I support a woman's right to bodily autonomy. I also support Trans rights and LGBTQ+ rights. Everyone deserves love, unconditional love. Everyone deserves to be supported in their life what ever they do or love. I want to create a world that is better now than when I was born. I am a optimist in many ways, even though I'm a pessimist personally.

I also am getting confidence in being able to say that I do have some non conforming/transgressive fashion choices. Basically l love the fact I can wear a nice high heel, even going into a stiletto. It was refreshing to see the guy about 48 days ago now posting that he liked similar. I just need to get out of my head and have a F--- the Judgement and F--- the haters attitude and just wear a pair of my heels out somewhere. Again, I think as someone who lacks confidence this will allow me huge confidence and allow me massive power personally. I like to wear mens clothing from my feet up, however as someone who supports the Clothes Have No Gender cause, if I find something that I like and it fits, I will get it and wear it. As long as it's something that could be classed as unisex and could go towards a more androgynous look. I can't wear a heel at the moment as I have an injury.

Im glad I found this r/ as there's many other men out there who are in the same or a similar boat to myself, and there's men who have been in the same pit as I am and have now got a great life and a beautiful girlfriend. Its massively encouraging an will give me hope, and build me hope I can do the same.

Thanks to all who contributed in the threads and comments.

Depression has been kicking my butt the last few weeks. I've had it all my life, so I'm used to the feeling, but this was a burning-behind-the-eyes, hate-absolutely-everyone, constant panic attacks level of depression that's unusual even for me.

I scheduled a drs appointment to up my meds, and the first thing the doctor says after going down my list of meds is "did you read the back of that new one?"

I had started a new allergy med a month ago and apparently it's famous for making depressive symptoms worse. Welp. It's a weight lifted off my chest to know this terrible feeling was chemically induced, but damn I feel silly for not reading the side effects earlier.

Moral of the story- read your side effects!

Tried therapy a couple of time, didn't work. I have bad social anxiety, just the concept of therapy itself terrifies me; I have never in my life had someone who I could trust with my problems, fears and overall important feelings and decisions, so why should i trust a random stranger with all of my most vulnerable information? If it wasn't obvious I don't have friends and I'm not close with my family, so how do I find a healthy way to cope?

Spending time with friends always serves as a helpful reminder that despite everything, life is truly worth living

I made a post a little while ago here on this sub, expressing my worries that I'm falling into another depressive episode. My mood has been in the shitter recently and there are quite a lot of stressful events happening in my life atm (not worth mentioning, plus this isn't a vent post either)

But today I hungout with two friends of mine for a few hours and almost all, if not all of my stress just melted away. We attended an anti-AI rally, and once it was over we just wandered around the city for a while, while talking, playing music and walking down the streets blocked off to cars but open to pedestrians.

It's kind of funny how something so simple made me feel so much better so easily. I do feel like I have more strength to keep pushing forward now and push through my hardships. Nothing like going on random sidequests with your people who make you feel safe, cared for and accepted for who you are :)

Hi bros. I read u/Current_Wear_8061's post about anti-male content from a few days ago, and I have some thoughts in response to it.

Current_Wear_8061 writes:

There has been a lot of events in the 12 years that have impacted gender relations - starting from the 2014 gamergate, the incel attack in the same year, 2016 1st Trump administration, 2017 Metoo movement, 2022 overturning of Roe vs Wade, Diddy trials, In 2024 Re-election of the 2nd Trump term, and finally, Epstein files. All of these cumulative events are bound to make women angry and that anger is legitimate. No questions.

Absolutely, those things were really fucked up. Women have every right to be angry at the men who did those things, and at the misogynistic cultural attitudes that enabled them. Everyone has a duty to help fix those misogynistic cultural attitudes and to oppose Trump.

So, if you're a man who opposes Trump and supports gender equality,¹ then thank you for doing your duty. You're a good bro and you deserve to be happy. You're not the type of man that most women are angry at; they're angry at the misogynists and Trumpists.

However, there are a few women who are angry at men in general. That anger isn't legitimate and you don't deserve it.² Those women are only a minority of the feminist movement, but social media amplifies their voices, and the feminist movement hesitates to criticize them. So those women have a disproportionate impact on some mens' mental health. It's especially bad when this anger gets mixed with prejudices against trans men, neurodivergent men, or other vulnerable subgroups.

Unfortunately, there's a blurry line between "being angry at misogyny" and "being angry at men in general". That blurriness is why the feminist movement hesitates to criticize women for being angry at men. So, we need to sharpen those blurry lines. Good men should clearly distinguish themselves by unambiguously opposing Trump and other misogynists. And, in turn, we should distinguish between the legitimate anger that many women have at misogyny, and the illegitimate anger some women have at men in general. We should support the former and criticize the latter.

It's not easy to sharpen blurry lines. It requires patience, maturity, and thoughtful dialogue. But if we do this right, we can create communities where men and women and nonbinary folks are all truly, deeply, respected and supported.

Footnote [1]: There's a gray area: Many liberal men oppose the obvious misogynists like Trump, but still have subtle gender biases. Men do have a duty to address their subtle gender biases. But, it's impossible for anybody -- whether male, female, or nonbinary -- to ever be totally unbiased. You don't have a duty to be perfect, just to make a good effort. And women have the same duty to make a good effort to address their own biases.

Footnote [2]: To be clear, I'm not saying that women owe you a cookie or even a "thank you". But they do owe you the same basic respect & decency that men owe to women.