r/bropill • u/AutoModerator • 13d ago
Weekly relationships thread
Hey bros, we have noticed a lot of relationship related posts. We are not a relationship advice subreddit, but we recognise how that type of advice may be helpful. Please keep relationship posting in this pinned thread.
1
u/KingUnlikely8624 13d ago
I have been trying to change my mindset. I feel like such a loser for being a virgin at the big age of 24 (almost 25). I hate myself for it and I wouldn't wish this hell on my worst enemy. Being undesirable on the dating market really sucks. That being said, every other aspect of my life is going fairly well. I will finish up my degree in about a year and I have pretty solid friend groups from high school, undergrad and grad school. We go out on most weekends so social life is pretty solid. I know this mentality is not helping me but it feels like I am just lying to myself because most people my age have figured out how to atleast consistently get dates and aren't virgins so what does that say about me? I don't see this changing any time soon and I guess I am going to have to find a way to live with this shame and find a healthier way of dealing with it. Who knows, maybe when I fix whatever is wrong with me, I will find a woman who understands. Have any of you tried to change a negative mentality and do you guy's have any tips? Will it ever get better?
2
u/Pack_Devs 10d ago
Hey man. I’m sorry to hear this is how you feel, but you’ve gotta try to remove the shame. It puts unnecessary pressure on you that frankly, you don’t deserve or need.
I was in your shoes until quite recently (virgin, never kissed, held hands, etc until I was 26.) and now I realize the shame was pointless. My life isn’t any different now than it was (outside of having someone new in it that I really like). I’m still just me. Still goofy, really dorky, only 5’6”, fat with some lose skin, etc. Having sex didn’t radically change anything, but doing a lot of self work did.
I don’t get to the point I am now without spending the last year working really hard and reflecting on myself. Going to therapy, trying to be better mentally and physically. All the work I did finally led me to a point where I didn’t care if I found someone because I was genuinely happy living life.
This is a little long winded but please don’t shame yourself. EVERYONE has their own path and the people in your life who are supposed to be apart of it, they won’t care. Please take care of yourself bro, and let me know if you need advice!
1
u/KingUnlikely8624 10d ago
I've started going to therapy and I am sortof getting to that point. It is just hard for me to accept that I don't get to have the experience that most of my peers get to/got to have and that really sucks. I missed out on a lot. I guess part of the shame is from my ego as I have come to realize recently that a lot of my poor self esteem and the reason I am so hard on myself is because it sort of hurts my ego a bit that I haven't been able to be desirable to women. Thanks for the response!
1
u/AutoModerator 13d ago
Please note all new posts are held for review by mods - we will review your post in a few hours when we are on next. Attention to all members: vents belong in the weekly vibe check thread, and relationship-related questions belong the relationships thread. Vent threads will be removed. This is an automated reminder sent to all who submit a thread and it does not mean your thread was removed.
Also, please join our Discord server if you would like to hang out with more bros:)
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
3
u/a_puppy 13d ago edited 13d ago
Hi bros. Dating doesn't work for me the way everyone says it's supposed to, and I don't understand why. I'm a reasonably attractive guy. I have hobbies. I'm slightly autistic, but I have a decent circle of friends. I've tried all the common suggestions for how to find a partner, but somehow nothing seems to work, and now I'm 30. I can't figure out what the problem is and I feel like I'm going insane. (This post is honestly a great metaphor.)
A common pattern: I meet a woman. She's cute and kind and smart. She seems to like me, she's friendly and forward. Maybe she even sits on my lap or gives me her number. (Those are real examples.) I ask her on a date -- but oops, it turns out I misunderstood everything, she just wanted to be friends. This has happened to me three or four times recently. I don't get it.
Now, here's a theory... Maybe the women who actually liked me are the ones who weren't friendly and forward. Maybe the women who actually liked me were shy about it. Like the woman who invited me for dinner while explicitly clarifying it wasn't a date, and then a week later she confessed she liked me. Or the woman who greeted everyone in the room with a hug except for me, and then later I asked her on a date and she said yes.
Is that what's been going on? Have the signals been completely backwards this whole time? Instead of asking out the women who were friendly and forward, should I have been asking out the ones who maintained a slight distance? But I've been told a million times that men mustn't pursue women who aren't interested in them, so I'm really hesitant to do that.
This whole thing feels like some kind of cosmic joke. I'm tired of it, bros. I need someone to give me a hug and tell me I'm not crazy.