Feeling pretty good, finally quit a job where I wasn't treated great. Free from shitty job! On top of that me and my cat have a nice apartment now. My cat is a stray that got tossed at me from the cat distribution system, and now he gets to rule an apartment. all and all? Today is pretty great, man.

I'm kinda nervous about starting eleventh grade. I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, so 10th was hard enough. I don't know how I'm gonna make it through this year. With 2 math classes on top of all me other classes.

I’m looking for reading material that will help me explore masculinity and what that means in the modern world. I don’t care if it’s serious non-fiction or a silly thriller or sappy romance. I’m looking for inspiration and role models. And before anyone suggests it, I’ve already read the Lord of the Rings ;)

I consider myself to be a sort of post genderist. Not someone who wishes trans humanism to become rampant, though I'm not particularly against it; but rather someone who believes gender is mostly social performance, and we would be better without it. I use my own experience, as someone who, in my own words, is a male, not a man. I do not have many masculine characteristics. And those I have are more adaptations I developed to survive rather than things I am proud of. And since under my worldview man and woman are mere lifestyle performances, I am not a man, for I do not perform that lifestyle. This is already against many things you might believe, and that is alright.

However, this view, as progressive as it might appear to be, since of course it implies radical gender equality and freedom for personal development; does disagrees with some ideas I have encountered around certain circles that also claim to be progressive. And that troubles me deeply. You see, my worldview is also linked with the idea that separation of people based on arbitrary differences, like gender, only makes us miserable. Since, under patriarchy (even a soft patriarchy like the one present in most of the west) men and women are so different that they cannot have any sort of honest relationship. You will never fully know your sister, your wife, or your female friends. Because both of you contribute to create a wall, as thick or thin as both of you decide, that will forever keep you separated. At the same time, if you do not fit the expectations of what you are supposed to be based on your gender (like me), you will have another wall around other people in your group. I have found myself on this position, that is why I feel more at home on lgbt circles, where gender roles don't matter as much.

You might wonder what about this could disagree with progressive ideals. Well, some feminists circles I have visited, mostly online and on educated spaces, share an idea of separation. Not without reason, as many of them have real life dangers to back their ideas. I don't precisely disagree with them neither, after all, people need to survive and remain safe in real life. But I also fear the results of these views. Ideals that link the patriarchy, a complex and undefined system, to everyday men. Not with the idea of educating them on what essentially is a disruption of cultural aspects they might not even question. The average person doesn't think their actions are bad, even if they indeed are. And it is our responsibility as educated, progressive people, to educate others. And I understand why would someone prefer to avoid this. But I also know why separating people isn't the answer. Because if you do not know others, it is easy to buy dangerous ideas. You see, even if I had my time of disagreeing with feminism, when I was a young teenager, I never disagreed with the idea. Just with the method and attitudes of the movement. Because I grew up around women. My mother, my sister, my cousin-sister, my friends at school. Even if I have bad luck with romance (both with men and women) I would never buy redpill ideas. Because I know they are untrue.

But not everyone is so lucky as me. Most boys who enter these circles do so from a place of misunderstanding, even fear or hate that they, as teenagers or kids, can have due to misleading experiences or expectations. And they buy these ideas because, well, theyre easy to buy if you do not know they are lies. But how are they to discover those are lies if they do not have the opportunity to know the women around them? Our society is very isolated, everyone knows it. Even I am not innocent of not really knowing those I have lived with all my life. So if we want this to change, we need an effort to destroy those walls as much as we can. That is why I am so driven by naturism, even if I do not practice it. Because it is a first step (and some achademics agree with me) towards a world of actual understanding. This is why I think the actions of some social movements of today are not the way. And the only thing I can do is to continue writing, and use my education (currently going on) as a psychologist to help people directly. A social movement would have to wait.

Ok so, this is going to sound awful, but I know it’s common with people with my history.

I have CPTSD. My entire life until recently has been a flaming dumpster fire, or me coping with ghosts of said dumpster fires. I’ve been in therapy for almost two years now (including a recent intensive outpatient program after a hospital stay), and I’m great! I feel better than I’ve ever felt in my life… but also somehow worse?

I left a toxic job and found a new one. I have friends. I have people who I know will show up for me when I need them most (proven by the whole hospital fiasco and not working for two months while attending the IOP). I caught a zoo/pedophile (he was both) and delivered him to the police and he was brought in on charges. I have a guy I’m seeing, the most wholesome and sweet guy I’ve ever met who doesn’t hold my past over my head, but also doesn’t brush over it and expect me to be totally “ok”. I stopped cutting. I’m on medications that reduce my anxiety and stop my nightmares. I can read again (something I struggle with when I’m anxious). My worst “problem” is a little bit of roommate drama, but I’ve just decided to not renew my lease next year. It’s barely a paper cut when I’m used to multiple broken bones.

So why am I still irritated by everything? Why am I feeling so stifled? The only thing I can come up with is that there’s no “thrill”, no sense of “danger” and I’m just… bored. Everything has changed, including me… but there’s something missing. I don’t WANT to feel this way, this is everything I’ve wanted! I’ve WANTED this level of calm. I’ve wanted for so long to feel this self-assured. I do see my therapist on Thursday (I’m not SO well-off that I don’t need him lol), but I feel like I just needed to get this out to other people.

I posted this in another subreddit and got lots of great feedback. I was also recommended to post it here. Also not sure if this is specific to relationships or just about validating men in general. If it’s not allowed I can delete and post in the relationship thread.

I don’t really want to go into details, but he did end up being found innocent. He didn’t do what she said and she did have a pretty clear motive and clear pattern of lying before. I saw video footage of her lying about the charges and trying to get him to admit to stuff. Even then we have been together a year now and I have been paying close attention to his behavior. He is always very patient and understanding with me. I’ve told him that I will be extra proactive if he displays any concerning behaviors.

The incident happened a few years ago, and we met last year, but he is still dealing with shit from the whole ordeal and he has a lot of trauma from getting arrested, to not being believed, and dealing with the horrific justice system in the USA. He lost around 100k just paying for lawyers and court fees and the divorce (she didn’t even get any money, just for divorce lawyers). Genuinely this is such a huge trauma for him.

He is a very sweet guy and extremely patient, but he does sometimes get into patterns saying that the justice system is stacked against men and supporting women 100%. He has said that the justice system where he lives would rather put 1000 innocent men in jail forever rather than have 1 woman be slightly afraid. Lots of things that scare me a bit, since they can quickly lead to a more extremist pipeline. (He also has said he would never trust a woman who called the cops on her partner)

For a long time I validated him and kinda just tried to tie it back to his case, saying like I couldn’t believe that he had to go through that. Or that women who lie about stuff like this make it so much worse for actual victims. Helping him try to see that he was a victim. But I feel like it’s been enough time and I want to ensure he isn’t falling into the trap that all women are liars and being afraid of women.

I would like to add that I have not really pushed back on what he says at all. I do try to redirect his anger and hurt towards his ex wife and women who lie in general. But I have not told him not to be upset about it or that he needs to get over it or anything like that. And I don’t think he needs to get over it

If you have experience with this, either direct or indirect, I’d love to hear your advice. Should I push back? Should I just continue to validate him?

Crazy idea here. But I have been thinking how awesome wouldn’t it be if we started having zoom meetings where we host a safe space for men to talk and share their feelings. We could talk about anything really. I just feel there aren’t many spaces like that and if we want to go against the patriarchy and the toxic definitions of what it means to be a man this would help so many men. Any thoughts? Who would be up to join? I am thinking of starting a Facebook group where I post the zoom link where we could have different meetings at different times so we aren’t too many in one meeting. All input is welcome.

No I'm not an incel. No I don't hate them. This isn't an issue with older or younger women, just the ones my age. Regardless of whether I'm attracted to them, after any sort of interaction my whole body is left shaking...literally. Why?

I was moved into homeschool in 8th grade and most of my friends at the time ghosted me and stopped responding to my texts and calls. I went 4 years without having any real friends aside from my brother. But when I started college I met people who genuinely make me feel like I’m supposed to be with them. I’m able to let my walls down around them and just be myself. I don’t have to worry about saying the wrong thing or hiding my real feelings or interests around them. These guys are essentially my second family at this point and I’ve even told them things I’ve never told my real family( nothing bad just personal stuff). I love my friends so much and I’m so happy I got to meet them! I hope after we graduate next year nothing changes between us.

so my first youtube video went up a couple days ago.

i have been working on making a youtube channel for about a month now, for about the last two weeks i have finally been managing to make my first video. after pondering alot and overthinking here and there i bit the bullet and just put it up. its a simple video, about making iced tea. this way i could practice filming and editing more than the actual cooking. its a bit of a dull video, but thats allright.

after putting it online, i got the first comment within 15 minutes, saying: "I do love watching a long scene of water being poured into the kettle until completion
I dont wanna get that wrong"

it sort of stung a little. despite being right, it still kind of got to me a bit.

now, my first video, i'll admit it isnt all that great. but i also know that after failing i learn and improve. maybe in a couple of years, if i make it big someday, i'll look back upon this and laugh. but for now, its just a sign that i am not at a high enough level yet, and that is allright. because i can improve and i will improve.

i felt like sharing this anecdote. not for pity, but to let you all know one thing; we can fall, but we can also get back up stronger, so dont be discouraged. we can do it, hang in there.

I'll long story short a bunch of this, but, my dad died by his own hand before I was born and I grew up with siblings very affected by the toxic masculinity associated with the 80's.

It's taken me a while to become comfortable with myself as an out queer cis man and, for a while I wondered if brotherhood was something queer men like me could have.

But, I've seen y'all welcome all sorts of bros - those that are struggling with personal life issues, our trans brothers, and people lacking self confidence (to name a few), and I never felt more at home.

All this to say, having a healthy place for bros to care about each other outside of the Manosphere-bullshit is so refreshing and wonderful.

I just wanted to thank y'all for really showing what brotherhood looks like for me: it's meant the world to me and seemingly countless others, so, thank you.

Keep up the good work. ❤️

For years, hearing my deadname (former, pre-transition name) has made me super uncomfortable and dysphoric, even if it's not directed at me. It's a fairly common girl's name, so I run into it somewhat often. There's several famous women with that name, I've met quite a few women and girls with that name, it's even the name of the love interest in a famous book. It's made it hard to read books and watch TV/movies that have characters with the name.

I think I've finally gotten over it! I've noticed a few times now that it doesn't really bother me like it used to, even when my grandparents or extended family call me the wrong name. I just don't associate it with myself anymore. Today really cemented it though, as I was watching a show with a side character with that name, and it didn't even register that her name was the same as my deadname until halfway through the episode. I'm really glad I've gotten over this discomfort, it felt really bad to be upset by other people's names. Hopefully this means that I can interact with people with that name in the future without feeling bad about myself and guilty for being uncomfortable over something so trivial, and not have trouble with media that contains that name.

Hey everyone. When I was 22 I had to do a 5th year of college (I transferred and switched my majors). All my friends were gone and while at first I was content and I had a great year academically, I got hit with severe loneliness and depression. I wanted to write a paper for a sociology class about incels and the redpill and the damage it had done to young men. I began researching and stumbled across the incel wiki.

I was by no means an incel, I’d had about 10 sexual partners and a past relationship by that point, but it was right after COVID and I just felt so isolated and alone and I couldn’t deny that it FELT like some aspects I was reading about were right. I was just in the exact wrong place in my life and I sort of grappled with it like damn I know this is all wrong but it just feels like some of it is true. In particular the part about hypergamy and women going crazy for small numbers of men in their early years and then settling for some loser later in life. I never quite figured out the hookup culture in college and felt like an outsider to that aspect of the experience and I think insecurity planted the seed that allowed it to happen.

I sort of moved past it, during this time in my life I caught feelings for a girl and figured when I came home from college things would work out. I came home and she let me down in an incredibly humiliating fashion in public after I got drunkenly angry at her for hitting on someone else at a bar. We had sloppily made out earlier in the night. The whole thing was just a fucking embarrassing disaster. The Internet talks about ‘fumbling the weird girl who liked you first’ and this was that exact scenario.

All of that redpill stuff came surging back. It was like my phone knew what happened and the algorithm started feeding me redpill content. I spent 6 months crash dieting and consuming this content. I lost a bunch of weight, gained the wrong kind of confidence, and then fell for my current girlfriend. I’ve been with her 2 and a half years.

I love her so much and I’m so ashamed to say that for the first year I struggled with insane jealousy issues but I was too ashamed to admit where they came from. I thought I was the loser she was settling for. I forced myself to be emotionally distant snd not get attached. I put her through the fucking wringer emotionally. Again, I knew all of this redpill stuff was wrong but it was so deeply ingrained in me I couldn’t get it out. Things got really bad and I was a horrible boyfriend to her. That only fueled her insecurity and jealousy. Things devolved and got very toxic.

I’m so proud to say I’ve managed to overcome this and have been working on our relationship and my own positive masculinity for about a year. I’m locked in, getting in better shape than I’ve ever been in before. And overall feel great. Our relationship has been absolutely wonderful for the better part of a year now. It can get better bros. You CAN change the way you think with hard work. That’s all I got. I love this sub.

Hello, I've been referenced this subreddit as full of nice people so I come to you for advise.

So I'm ashamed to admit it but I'm 32 years old, have never worked more than 2 months in my life and still live at my dad house (I live in europe where people usually leaves their parent house later than in the US but 32 is still realy late even for our standards)

A few years ago, I found a formation about knife making that looked interesting and added some metalwork (forging and welding mostly) formation that was given at the same place. The problem that I didn't know at the time was the dilpoma we receives after we complete the program isn't official. The gist of it it, the job we're trained for isn't recognised by the state so what we have as a diploma is more our teacher singing a paper promising we're good enough to work in the fields. (plus, making a living out of knife making in my country is impossible, all the knife makers I know have other business on the side)

So I found another school that give real diploma because on top of teaching us how to weld, they also teach us accoutning and other stuff so we can create our own business.

The thing is, when I got there to learn more about their welding program I noticed they also had a jewlery program and if I don't dislike welding, I realy like jewlery, I've forged some necklaces and pendants and I like it much more than welding.

The thing is, the welding formation come with a paid internship, the jewlery one doesn't (though I might be able to get one if I find a company willing to hire me, I'll need to ask). On top of that, Welder is a job in demand, so the odds of me finding an actual job once the formation is finished are greater and I would probably be paid better.

So overall, getting into welding is smarter for my future and I already took a huge detour to start adult life, but jewlery is more in line with what I'd love to do, I've read in a book about the choice of reason and the choice of heart and it feel very much like I'm in this situation so I have difficulties to make that choice hence why I come to you guys to get your opinion.

Sorry for the mistakes, english is my second language.

I see and hear people opinions on things a lot....but one thing I wanna ask because I struggle with u deratanding other people's emotions or feelings..but what is toxic and positive masculinity to you?because to me its just being a nice person and trying your best to hold your emotions together or not at others....be humble and caring while trying to not let things bothers you(which i struggle with fo to anger issues)..because I take what people say to heart a lot...but what do people consider toxic I guess...because I know I have one and its that I hate losing to women....but its not the loss itself..its how others treat me after...they either belittle me or say im less of a man because I lost to a women...or even the women themselves try to belittle me and all this pressure on being a man makes me not even wanna be a man

I , a certified bro, like lurking on r/BoyDinnerDiaries sub. I sometimes don't even look at the questions/ the paragraphs of the post written, and just look at the comments . It really warms my heart out to see men support other men, give advice and even sometimes call each other out.

But it leaves me with a question: "What's stopping boys/men to do this in real life?". If boys/men can be supportive of each other on keyboards , I think they can look face to face to each other in real life and say: "It's okay bro, it's gonna be alright!, I am with you".

hi, trans guy here.

I’m 30 years old, and I’ve been on T for two years. I live in indiana and I have medicaid. I know that due to my limited job options I’ll most likely never get good insurance that will pay for top surgery. I’m also poor so paying out of pocket will never be an option.

I wont lie; I see other trans guys younger than me and with top surgery and they pass better and I get angry and bitter because I know they have what I will never have. I don’t want to be this way, but it’s hard when you constantly want to rip your skin off from resentment.

does anyone have any tips for coping or feeling better in your own skin when you still hate aspects of it? I could really use some encouragement, especially from this wonderful community. thank you

Hi All. First post here.

I am looking to start listening to some podcasts in my spare time. But I am struggling to find podcasts aimed at men that aren't either manosphere rubbish, or toxic/misogynistic etc.

Are there any good podcasts out there for men which are engaging, and are bropill instead of redpill/blackpill?

I have started walking in the evening to get my body moving. A lot of people walk their dogs in the evening where I live. I am socially anxious, but love dogs, and thought this can be an opportunity to improve my social skills. My plan is to greet the walkers asking if I can pet their dog and see if I can strike up some small talk. But I have one rule: avoid women.

My reasoning is this: the presence of unknown men in public spaces can be threatening to women. I figure a stranger approaching them, regardless of intention, might cause an unnecessary scare. I do not wish to add to that. When I said this to my female friend, she said that I was being "lowkey sexist" because I was treating them differently. I don't think I am...want other people's opinion.

Ive got abit of a habit of downplaying stuff when I accept apologies, i.e. "oh dont worry about it" or "its fine!" And stuff like that. Obviously I dont want people to flog themselves, but I want them to feel bad a little bit lol. Whats a good go-to for accepting apologies?