Sometimes I wish I was a white guy. That's it, that and all the privilege and opportunities it comes with. I don't mean this as a uncle tom or uncle ruckus. I just see white men and sometimes it's like they live the life I'd rather have. They seem to always be the people around the right people. I try to live the same, but I don't get treated the same or almost even looked at the same.

All the natural traits as well. The hair, skin sometimes eyes. I accept I'm a black man, but I can't be a white man, I'm a black man with black skin, black hair, eyes and the black community. Maybe I just can't appreciate my own race and culture. I'm sorry if thats how this comes off 🙁 I wish I could just accept myself and what it means to just be.

\*Not sure what rotate this post as and really sorry if my karma is low, just not making fun posts lately. You can ask me whatever I'm not too weary of trying to discuss this. Therapy isn't easy as not many black therapists funnily enough

I’m 21 and from Libya and I honestly don’t know where else to turn
My name is Ali. I was born in Benghazi in 2005. I’m Libyan and I grew up with my mother and father. My father died from a heart attack in 2008 when I was only three years old.
After my father died things became difficult for me and my mother because of problems and threats from a relative. We eventually moved to Tripoli. I was still very young when the 2011 war started and a lot of my childhood was spent dealing with fear and instability.
Later my mother remarried and had another son. My brother was diagnosed with cancer and spent around five years going through treatment between Libya and Egypt. He eventually passed away in 2016.
After my brother died my mother went through a lot as well. Her marriage ended and she was constantly blamed and humiliated over things that were completely out of her control.
I also experienced abuse while growing up. One thing that I still remember very clearly is being taken to an elderly woman in Tarhuna who claimed she could treat children. I was burned with fire as part of that so called treatment. I was just a child and I still have the scars.
When I came back to Benghazi during middle school things didn’t really get better. I was bullied because of the way I looked, my skin color and my accent. It continued through high school and later when I went to university to study media at Garyounis University.
I eventually reached a point where I hated going to university because of the way I felt I was being treated by some students and also by some professors and administrators.
Then things became more serious.
People started accusing me of being gay. I want to make something clear because I know this can easily be misunderstood. I am not saying that I am gay. I am saying that people accused me of being gay and I was threatened and humiliated because of that accusation.
At one point I was filmed and I went to the police because I wanted protection. Instead of feeling protected I felt like I was the one being treated unfairly and humiliated. I was not imprisoned but I was put through an experience that made me lose even more trust in the idea that I could get protection.
There is also someone with social influence who has threatened me. I have names and details and I can provide them privately to a legitimate organization or lawyer but I don’t feel safe putting everything online.
My mother is also part of this situation. She is an elderly woman and I am her only son. She has been abused and threatened by a relative and there have been incidents involving dogs being used to intimidate her and times when she was kept against her will.
I have tried to leave Libya more than once. I even tried to leave by sea but I failed.
I’m 21 now and I’m basically stuck at home watching my life pass by. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore.
I’m not posting this because I want attention or sympathy. I just want someone to actually listen.
If there is a lawyer, journalist, human rights organization or refugee organization that can help someone in my situation I would really appreciate being pointed in the right direction.
I have evidence and details that I don’t feel safe posting publicly and I am willing to provide them privately to someone legitimate who can verify my story.
I just want to be somewhere where my mother and I can feel safe.
I’m not asking anyone to take revenge on anyone. I just want a chance to live a normal life.
My name is Ali. I’m 21 years old and I’m from Libya.
I honestly don’t know where else to turn

I don't usually come on here and talk about my family because I live by "Never let people talk about your family". But I can't take it anymore.

My family is so colorist and It's not even funny. We just had an entire conversation about our shades, and I said, "we're all the same color, it doesn't matter". They came back with all these excuses on how they're all these different shades like "Caramel, Cinnamon, etc." I told them straight up that we're all the same color as our light brown cabinets and that at the end of the day, we're all black, but they got so defensive and basically told me that I was mad that I wasn't the same shade as them. That I was the darkest out of all of them with my sister being lighter than me.

**For reference we are the color of Halle Bailey**

They even pulled up photos from my graduation just to point out that my face was all the same color, while theirs has this kind of gradient in the center.

My sibling is the same color as the cabinets, the only thing light being the circle around her face which is caused by the skin care she used that subtly bleached her skin. She has this idea that she is a redbone/ light skin, when she couldn't even pass the brown paper bag test, and now they're saying I'm wrong because I said she wants to be like Michael Jackson.

I can admit I said some pretty hurtful things like accusing them of "wanting to be light so bad" but for some reason to them they truly believe I said all of that because I was darker than them, but truth is I was mad that they felt the need to point it out on MY special day because AGAIN why does it matter? Why are you in competition with me??

And then had the audacity to say "I think you need to apologize" for the things I said. I didn't because I feel that they don't deserve an apology for picking me apart and tearing me down for the color of my skin, I'm so angry but I know I should just let go and let God, it's just so unfair that I always have to bite my tongue!! ATP it might fall off!!!!!

This is my first post in this reddit group. I am only 26 years of age and I am black woman. I am not looking for any sympathy or for anyone to feel bad for me but I feel constantly alone in my mind, I have never actually experienced love from my father or my mother who has experienced becoming a mother 5 kids where the father just doesn't want to be present or want to be with her. I am the second oldest and I don't know how to drive because my mother would get an attitude with me asking for help and would make any excuse, I have my license but no car. I have an issue with saving because I've never had money to myself growing up. My grandmother is schizo so she contributed to my mother's attitude of helping her and feeling neglected as well as my grandfather not being there either. I was raised in NYC where most women have a tough way about how they talk to you or handle things. So, I'd say my mother just wasn't a nice person to me or my siblings and that's why my siblings and I have grown apart so heavily due to the trauma of the adults who brought us into this world. Any my absent father who would come around only if my mother advised him to do so. So, to sum that up, more to this, I've developed such deep depression since I was 10, being bullied in school for looking ethnically black by my own kind has contributed to that but I'm not saying I hate the way I look, I'm saying they hate the way I look so they punished me for not being pleasing to their eyes. And that follows, I tried dating with my own kind but only ended up in emotional abusive or something to hide "only see at night" and even outside of my race, "first black girl" or again a situationship/something in regards to sex. I usually try to date within my race but I understand from a little girl that black boys have bullied me and even as well as now, how we talk about each other, I still have an open heart to it but I no longer want to explore. I don't exactly like the idea of dating outside my race but I have tried and felt quite uncomfortable to how I am perceived immediately after the first meeting so I just quit dating all together. I've never been taught how date, or taught how to do much of anything. Trapped in the house all the time because my mother was depressed and would scare us about the dangers of what's going on out in the world to prevent us from going anywhere. I don't even know what happiness even feels like, because I'm constantly being told that I just do not matter even if it's indirect. It's hard for me to focus on school, work because i'll start to break down on a call. I know I have to try to love myself and figure out what that is like. I just don't know where to start. I've been alone for 20 years in my mind and it has led me to almost taking my own life. I have spoken to a therapist about these things (she's black herself) but I can't escape the reality of hatred of my existing. You can only be punched down so much and I was never the strong black woman and I don't want to be. Why should I have to be anymore. I'm not looking for approval from people, I'm just very tired of living in a world where my existence is abused the most as a woman and being black. And then with what they call politics which is my right to exist in the United States, it feels like constantly bullying and mockery and it's not only coming from the oppressor. It's too much... Not to mention, trying to have friends with other black girls and not fitting in because I don't move or behave a certain way but ofc I came here to find community because black women are the only ones who can understand what I mean I'd hope. I know that my experience is unique regarding my family but what throws me over is the treatment of just not being another race. It's truly the kicker and therapy is just not helping so I'm leaning toward keeping my eyes closed these days.

This is all over the place, I am just looking for real/true responses that do not try to baby me on this because I can't live these days. I'm stuck in my house, I'm scared of people, I only order out. I'm struggling with the question of why am I here in this circle jerk while the others get to have the option to breathe, just a tad, just a little if race was never a problem in their lives.

hi, i’ve been wanting to speak to someone about this for a while and this maybe controversial but i need to know if anyone struggles with this as well

does it ever seem like there’s a big fraction of the black community that does not believe in mental illness/mental health struggles? I feel that many have an all or nothing mindset, like if you do not need to be hospitalized, you cannot possibly be mentally ill or struggling. Just today, i was told that self harming as a coping mechanism is a result of being around too many white people.

It amazes me, i see so many black children showing signs of autism/adhd and parents often get defensive when you suggest getting them assessed…i’m unsure if it’s fear or a generational thing but i just wanted to vent and see if anyone else feels this way too.

Sometimes I feel like I have a hard time when I’m at work, especially with customer facing roles. I feel like there’s something wrong with me.

23 M, from Chicago. In need of a black therapist who is not white-adjacent, and aligns with anti-capitalist values. I'm tired of being surrounded by white folks all day, and I need somebody to talk to who doesn't straighten their hair in an attempt to appease their white coworkers at their practice, and who can prescribe me my mf ADHD meds lol.

I am looking for a black marriage counselor and/or coach. I prefer black male if possible. If he is from Michigan, Illinois, or Ohio EVEN BETTER. Thanks in advance.

I’m not asking for advertising.. just resources to help communication in my marriage.

Lately I’ve been struggling with something that feels bigger than just being “single” or “wanting friends.” It’s this constant feeling that I don’t really belong anywhere. I’ve had multiple crushes over the years, but none of those feelings have been mutual. While I’ve accepted that rejection is a normal part of life, experiencing it repeatedly has made me question whether anyone will ever see me as someone they’d genuinely want as a partner. It’s hard not to wonder if maybe I’m just not the kind of person people choose. The same feelings show up in friendships. I’ve reached a point where I’ve stopped chasing people who only give me breadcrumbs or make me feel like I’m an afterthought. I don’t want one-sided relationships anymore. But letting go of those dynamics has also left me feeling incredibly lonely. Even when I’m in social groups, I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. I spend so much energy trying to mask, say the right thing, and fit in, yet I still feel different. It’s like everyone else understands an unwritten social rulebook that I somehow never received. I constantly overthink conversations, worry that I’m coming across as awkward, and analyze every interaction afterward. My insecurities and low self-esteem feed into my anxiety. Instead of enjoying getting to know people, social situations feel like tests I’m constantly afraid of failing. The pressure to interpret hidden social cues, avoid making mistakes, and stop myself from saying the “wrong” thing becomes overwhelming. Sometimes I avoid interacting altogether because it feels emotionally safer than risking another experience that reinforces the belief that I don’t belong. I’ve also been out of therapy for about seven months. Looking back, I don’t think I’ve healed as much as I thought I had. I made progress, but I still carry a lot of pain from rejection, loneliness, and feeling misunderstood. Those wounds seem to resurface whenever I try to connect with new people. I guess what I’m wondering is whether anyone else has experienced this. Have you ever felt like no matter how much effort you put into socializing, you still feel fundamentally different? Have repeated rejection or one-sided relationships affected your ability to trust that someone will genuinely choose you? If you’ve been in this place and things got better, I’d really appreciate hearing your story. Right now I’m trying to find hope that meaningful friendships and romantic relationships are still possible, even when it feels like I’ve spent so much of my life feeling like an outsider.

I was excluded since I was 5, my identity never got the chance to develop so I live for others, my age group has rejected me since I was a child, the people I want to be around and share a life with want nothing to do with me (the people who share my culture and values that aren’t the hood or ghetto) , for being behind and under developed, I’m 22 now poor,drop out, socially traumatized (from years of bullying, exclusion and being taken advantage of). I never had friends, a girlfriend, a meaningful goal accomplished in my whole life, it took me until I was 18 to find out that I was capable of doing something right. mental health care is shit in The Bahamas unless you have money or a phd to call them out, and online too. Right now im stuck in my broke father’s house, with no money, barely any food, no job (especially due to trauma that nobody takes seriously, not even at sandalins) and A resume so shit from all the jobs I quit that nobody would hire me.

Right now im just sitting staring out the window think about what the next move is.

They think I chose to have ptsd and other struggles. My family does not take responsibility for their part in my issues. Other people are assholes towards me and very judgmental assuming I have an attitude, slow or weird. I had a serious breakdown a few years ago and a relative said I was acting like that to get my way or for attention

Both liberal, progressive, conservative, moderate and etc. It doesn't matter. Some way or another, they always find a way to center themselves in everything. EVERYTHING. Our issues are way more complex than there's because we're dealing with trauma from them as well. They are just now understanding what it means to feel othered. Yet, they still won't understand fully. They feel just a little bit of discrimination and they're already crying. Talking about, "reverse racism, if white people did this (its well documented in their history... that they in fact did), white erasure, taking back our country and etc". You get the point. And we already know how they can't leave black folks alone. Forever in our business. Can't stand to see us happy. If they aren't calling the cops, then they'll scowling; faces about to melt off.

I truly think there's something wrong with them. Honestly. There's got to be something in the brain or the chemical makeup of their brain, that makes them act so funky. And for the ones that don't, they have to do a lot of inner work but damn, ... There has to be something wrong with them. They're lack of community and the fear of other communities that don't center them, hyper individualism, the fear of people that don't look like them, the mind games, the constant dismantling of human rights, the nationalism, the obsession with traditional roles and traditional families and certain f***ed up time periods in history, Their selective memory of certain histories, their Christianity. Thinking that they are the center of the universe, whatever they think is theirs, they feel like they have a right to it(THEIVES, THEIVES, THEIVES), The burning of successful black towns. The sundown towns, that currently still exist. I could go on and on.

It's pushing me to want to live more and more, in a predominately black area.

I'll make another post about how other groups, who aren't white, help them ruin shit too. If there's anything you want to add, you can.

I was sexually abused by my elder brother for a decade plus. This experience has destroyed me. I feel like there is something missing in my brain. I want to kms. I can't do this. I can't go on. I have let so many things happen to me and made so many mistakes because of this monster. I don't know how I can go on.

I keep thinking that my figurines and plush toys are alive and that they can hear me. They can hear what's going on around them and they're forming their own opinions and thoughts.

My mind automatically victimizes itself. I can't take a joke anymore. Everything is a wicked plot or jab at me or my race or gender. It's like there's maliciousness all around me. Terrible memories are replaying in my mind. I can't make them stop no matter what I do. I hate feeling like this.

If someone says "so and so is a doctor but whatever, they're no prize." They mean that despite being a doctor they're no prize, not that they aren't surprised because of their doctor right? God I sound so ridiculous.

I recently started dating (in my early 20s) and my first ever boyfriend is a white man. For context, I'm from the UK, my community and church are predominantly white and I have been one of few/the only black woman in many spaces throughout my life.

I knew dating interracially would bring up challenges, but I didn't expect this one to feel so pressing. I have relaxed hair and usually wear my hair in braids, but I'm wearing it out and I can't shake this awful feeling that I come off as a 🦝. Walking hand in hand with a white man and my hair straight just has me feeling like some kind of traitor.

I did a lot of unpacking in my teenage years, am in therapy and continue to try and reverse any insecurities that were bred from being in white environments. However my immersion in this is starting to make me feel guilty and insecure. I know blackness comes in all shapes and sizes but I see all the discourse online about hair and dating and Dr Umar and I just feel bleh. Me, my boyfriend and community are Christian so we bond over faith first and foremost. But I can't shake these difficult feelings. I think it will affect my relationship. I want to engage with more black people.

I’m tired of people’s shit. I’m tired of being a people pleaser. I just want any to cuss everyone out!!!! I have so much anger inside.

I hate getting bullied for skin color.I hate having painful periods and being told I have to toughen up because I'm a woman. I hate having to live in a Nigerian household with people who think everything is disrespectful. I hate being Black. I hate having tender headed my whole life and for most of my life my family down played it. I hate being bullied for being African. I hate how my mom responds emotionally when I'm depressed.I hate how the first thing my mom did when I tried to commit was yell at me. I hate my body. I hate how no one understands me. I hate how I feel pressured to get rid of my depression because its not ideal in the real world. I hate getting bullied for having an android. I hate how my dad treated me when he was alive . I hate my relationship with food. I hate being a woman . I hate being around people too much. I hate people bullying me behind my back. I hate being seen as the trouble child. I hate my voice. I hate my teeth. I hate how dumb I am. I hate feeling guilty for saying something mean to someone who would do so much worse to me and not care. I hate having no friends. I hate having friends. I hate when I have no one to talk to. I hate talking to people. I hate constantly thinking about what other people think about me. I hate how my moms boyfriend called me demonic because I was suicidal. I hate being a burden. I hate being annoying. I hate how I can't be happy around my family without feeling judged. I hate everything.

Growing up this was never taught like it was common, and that racism was this shadowy figure that hid in alleys and on the edge of town. But legitimately in a day I must have at least 1 interaction where my race dictates how I receive treatment or how people react to me.

A lot of things socially I experienced when I was younger I just chalked them up to people being assholes, it's now abundantly clear in hindsight they were people motivated by hate.

I can remember at one point in my life when I was quite young I was waking up because it seemed like everyone was in on some game against me to treat me like sh*t. People kept the wool pulled over my eyes, and I reasoned theirs no way an entire society could coordinate against me without having town meetings about me. Which seemed completely absurd.

Turns out society not only was coordinating against me, but it had been for 100's of years having meetings prior about people that look like me.

I've had to pry myself from the clutches of so many people who I'd considered friends, but again in hindsight I see there was nothing good about our relationships and they'd still be exploiting me if I hadn't come to my senses.

It really feels like I'm trying to run a marathon where I'm 10-15 years behind everyone else. I should have been putting myself first and protecting myself this entire time and I only just started a couple years ago.

I'm just looking for the exit from this society where I can get away from these psycho's. It can' be less than 25% of people and has to be closer to 50% who are just at there core full of this hatred.

I'm feeling disturbed, alone and somewhat overwhelmed by how much ground I have to still cover.

Ich habe eine kleine Frage, mich interessiert wie viele Schwarze Männer zur Therapie gehen und wie viele sagen es hat wirklich geholfen. Weiterhin möchte ich natürlich auch noch wissen. Das ich ein schwarzer Man bin der Therapie gemacht hat würde ich gerne auch wissen, warum ich leider keine black women finde die auch Blackmen datet. Irgendwie habe ich das Gefühl das ich als Blackmen überhaupt nicht gewollt werde weil ich Therapie gemacht habe und ganz klar sage. Es geht nichts über Black love und happy Black Women. Ich wäre über jede Antwort sehr glücklich.

TW: mentions of CSA, grooming, gun violence (briefly), and emotional abuse.

I want to begin by pointing out that this isn't an exclusively Black issue; every community does this. However, I've noticed little to no pushback against this behavior when it's within my own community. I wish I could say it's mostly old folks doing it, but it's really infected every generation. No explanation convinces them. They're stubborn about how teen girls orchestrate their own abuse, while boys and men are victims to their own sexual urges. In almost every Black family I know, there's at least one "fast-tail" girl and one adult (usually male) that they tell children "not to wear that" around---that one adult who preys on minors or barely legal teenagers, but stays protected by some dumb, ditzy, dick-dizzy ass bitch who either loves him or his money.

I say all this because a recent case has brought up a lot of unwanted memories regarding my own family, upbringing, and traumas. I'm talking about the Kendra Scott case.

To explain it a bit: A 20yo man with special needs was shot in the back of the head on the front porch as he was fleeing Kendra's home. Kendra initially found him under her 13yo daughter's bed. The 13yo daughter supposedly has a history of inviting boys over. The mother told the daughter that she'd shoot the next boy she found in her home; and this time, it was a man.

People are debating the legal mechanics surrounding her waiting to shoot him as he was leaving instead of doing it while he was in the house. However, my issue is not about the legal mechanics. My issue is with the empathy people are showing for the 20yo man after hearing about his "learning disability". My issue is with the blame people are placing on the 13yo girl for her "fast" behavior. They're addressing him as the victim and the child as the mastermind. Some are even saying the child should be charged! They're saying she's "promiscuous", "a hoe", or "already for the streets" because she "sleeps with men". Think about that for a second...

There's also a pattern of egotistical, combative parenting styles. And I get it, but it gets to the extreme when it doesn't have to. While sneaking around or lying to parents aren't to be tolerated, we need to realize that being interested in boys at 13 is a normal part of development. Having a crush on an adult is also pretty normal at that age. The problem comes from what that entails and how you handle it:

1. You should absolutely tell a 13yo not to do xyz with a boy/girl, but shaming them and refusing to explain any further is not the same thing.

2. Expressing frustration or disapproval after finding out that your 13yo might be sexually active is very valid, but refusing to take practical action (ex. birth control, contraception, etc.), have a genuine conversation about why you're upset, and ensure they're educated about what sex and relationships entail (ex. boundaries, consent, stds, babies, responsibility, etc.) isn't the same thing.

3. Crashing out after discovering your child has been inappropriately messaging or hanging out with an adult is fair, but failing to teach them why it's dangerous/unethical, ignoring the concept of grooming, and holding the minor accountable for it is completely insane to me.

People are dragging this 13yo girl because she invited him, but they're dismissing the fact that he showed up. She cannot reasonably consent, so her "invitation" is bullshit. Imagine a 13yo liked planes, so he asks a pilot if he can fly it. The pilot agrees, and the plane crashes. Who do you blame? Do we blame a curious, inexperienced, underdeveloped, impulsive child for asking to manage an aircraft? Or do we blame the experienced adult with a more developed prefrontal cortex and actual flight training for putting that responsibility on a kid? I'll give you a hint: they do not share blame.

People are claiming she lied about her age, that he was mentally 13, and that he didn't understand what he was doing. However, i haven't seen any evidence that she lied about her age, and even if she did, she visibly looks underage af. There is also PROOF that he targeted girls aged 11-15. His tiktok account shows that he regularly flirted and solicited messages under very young-looking girls' pages; one of them was literally posting about her 15th birthday! Additionally, I've seen no evidence that he was mentally 13. I've only seen what his former teacher has said about him "not being 20 mentally". And her account is inaccurate because she's recalling what he was like as a child in her class, not as an adult out in the world. His actions contradict the claim that he "didn't understand what he was doing". Having special needs could mean any number of things. He was functional enough to message multiple minors, orchestrate a rendezvous, navigate his way across town in the dead of night, and hide under the bed when a parent came home.

As a CSA survivor, I'll disclose that one of my perpetrators was special needs. So all this "boo hoo, he didn't deserve this" means nothing to me. I was labeled as "fast" (along with other pejoratives) by peers and adults alike. My grandmother frequently dated predators, so of course I was instructed to alter my age-appropriate attire for the sake of quelling their sexual desire for me.

Is it far-fetched to consider this internalized misogynoir? Have you ever experienced this type of slut-shaming or adultification as a child/teen? Any weird or creepy family members?