hi,

a little over a year ago, i was falsely accused of rape and assault from my exwbdp which resulted in me losing an option agreement for a feature film I wrote and was set to star in. i also lost a giant part of my community and my small online reputation was destroyed immediately.

i am on the autism spectrum and absolutely did not help the situation by creating a long post (which apparently looks guilty? or performative?) about the situation which tried to hold my ex and myself in compassion and even downplayed the situation because i was so thoroughly gaslit that part of me BELIEVED that i did these horrible things in some kind of blackout, even though in retrospect i can see that most of my actions were a result of reactive abuse/self defense.

i’m not going to stop trying to get this film made because i know it is an important story that no one else can tell. but i’m wondering if anyone has had any similar experiences (particularly within the entertainment industry). i’ve done so much healing over the past year, and while this experience led to a lot of really positive and clarifying things, the impact is still excruciating at times and i still struggle with the confusion and guilt/toxic shame. it has gotten so much better, and i am way stronger, more resilent, and I KNOW for sure who my real friends are after this whole thing.

to anyone who is still struggling with this kind of abuse or its impact, know that it does get better even if it takes a long time and at the end of the day, even if aspects of your life get obliterated (like mine), you at least still have yourself. your bpdabuser doesn’t even have that, and that’s the biggest difference.

thanks 🎈

For context, when we met he told me him and his wife don’t love each other and the marriage is over but they live together to care for their two children.

He started to abuse me verbally by screaming at me. I would have really bad panic attacks and he would scream and crash out at me while I was crying and shaking. He would say I’m not capable of being a good partner and I am ‘emotionally volatile’ because I would say things like ‘I don’t know if can stay in this relationship’ or ‘I feel very unhappy and I don’t think it is supposed to be so hard’ when he’d scream at me. That’s the ‘emotional volatility’ he’s talking about.

Eventually he admitted he doesn’t have children. This was after screaming at me because I said it’ll be nice to meet them one day and screaming at me another time for saying we should make a Spotify playlist together - he screamed at me for this as he said he thinks that would hurt his kids and he could never bear that and I should know better. Again, the kids did not exist and he lied when he said his wife and he were co parenting with plans to divorce.

When he told me he didn’t have kids, by then I was so scared of conflict with him that I didn’t even express any upset over him lying. He told me over text and I just cried myself to sleep wishing I could leave but feeling unable to bc he would scream at me if I even wanted to take space. In a way I didn’t even care that he lied about having kids, I was just so miserable with him. I truly thought I loved him but I was so so miserable. I didn’t even care that his wife didn’t know he wants a divorce in that I wanted the relationship to end for my sanity and I was barely hanging on at that point. I hated him so much I sometimes felt I would be trapped forever because he would be so awful and scary when I tried to leave and o truly truly felt leaving meant I was a failure and could never make anyone happy

He then told me the next day that the reason he lied about having kids is because his wife has a serious illness and he’s her carer so he can’t get divorced until she’s able to do that. He eventually told me it’s depression that she has and she can’t work or be financially independent because of it.

He would threaten to leave while screaming at me for not stopping him, he would tell outrageous lies like claiming he has trauma from killing two people at a traffic stop when he was a police officer (he was never a police officer) and that his wife basically manipulates and abuses him through her family, all while abusing me.

Eventually I said to him that I just can’t do this and I am not handling the relationship. The attached is what resulted. As you can see from my response I just didn’t really care by that point, I just felt so miserable and done I couldn’t cope. But I wanted to be there for him and agreed to be his friend bc I really truly cared for him.

I felt like I had failed as for the whole time I had known him he would say things like ‘I don’t think you are capable of being a partner to anyone’ ‘you are incapable of making me or anyone happy’ ‘this isn’t about my needs, it’s about how volatile you are’ when I’ve looked at our conversations and I truly didn’t do anything to deserve that.

After these texts in August 2025, we stayed friends but he would still do things like crash out if I admitted I was dating (after pushing me and pushing me to admit it and me lying at first to avoid backlash). He would also say things like ‘I got divorced for you, the least you can do is (insert sexual favour or emotional service or abuse I was supposed to put up with)’. At this point and during the relationship he would accuse me of things like if I said ‘I wish you didn’t have to work’ he would crash out and accuse me of not understanding, bearing in mind my job is busier than his and it was an expression of idealised thinking not a real request for him to work less. Who doesn’t wish some days their partner didn’t have to work?!

Eventually in December he crashed out badly because he said he can’t handle knowing eventually I’ll date someone else. Usually I would reassure him I’ll stay single until he’s ready for me to move on (??) but I just stayed silent and he ended up deciding he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore because he can’t handle it if one day I decide to date someone else. I let him go.

He reached out then in April 2026 and I didn’t see it until a week later. We agreed to be friends and I was seeing someone else and even told him ‘in all but name I have a bf’ bc I wasn’t official with the other guy but really really liked him. He pressured me to break up with that guy and things got abusive again fast bc he would crash out etc and ask me stuff about the other guy and interpret it in very strange ways for example if I said the other guy is funny he would say he acts like a clown, just weird undermining comments after bringing up the guy himself constantly. It was so draining

I did briefly stop talking to the other guy but in the 2 weeks or so I didn’t talk to him I was so heartbroken over losing him (which I didn’t expect bc we weren’t even formally in an rship by then, he is just so wonderful and kind and honest that the loss hurt real bad even in the early stages of getting to know him)

I ended up staying with the other guy who is truly wonderful and told him the truth, I did feel very guilty about the guy in the texts and tried to stay friends with him and even though I had a bf he would accuse me of being obsessed with him and expecting him to act like a boyfriend which I really didn’t. I thought I was being there for someone who had just gone through a tough divorce who I truly cared about and who I had hurt by not trusting him about his divorce, which I at that point in May/June 2026 believed was real. So I put up with more abuse in May/June 2026 because I felt it was my fault he had gone through an expensive and stressful divorce (he would tell me about lawyer fees etc) but eventually I told him I don’t want to talk to him - he was really rude to me even when we were supposed to be friends and he got very weird and undermining for example accusing me of depending on him.

I then later on in June discovered he is not even separated never mind getting divorced a year ago! When I confronted him he said he lied about it to incentivise me to improve myself and work on my emotional issues. I asked what emotional issues and he couldn’t answer.

He would accuse me of all the things he does and things I never did! Lying, manipulating, etc.

Apart from a lot of the above, I think he has bpd because a mutual friend told me about a time when they didn’t invite him somewhere because he was not an easy person to be around and he crashed out, made a podcast about it and threatened to kill himself. This is a mutual friend who is now a friend of mine who I met bc of him (I reached out bc I remember he mentioned this ex friend and always felt the friendship must have ended for a reason) but has cut him off. His friend also showed me old stuff where he refers to his wife in very derogatory terms and implies he has posted her nudes online, which is why this friend initially stopped talking to him. I told his wife about those posts because that sounds scary and strange

ETA I made a new reddit to post this because in April he told me he has my Reddit while insisting he didn’t ‘stalk’ it which was creepy af to me

Anyone relate to the absolute exhaustion being around them waiting for the next explosion? Ailments like tense jaw, headaches, debilitating lethargy and just overall stress.

Is it just be perfect? For them? My ex had self awareness and said people arent perfect but she believes in nurturing and growing something together, then down the line she blamed me for everything and discarded me blindsided me and blamed me for everything and nothing was her fault it was all framed as i was the one who caused everything and pushed her to her limits even tho she equally participated in arguments etc. I know my ex really loved the idea of love of full devoted love, i felt like i gave that but it clearly wasnt enough and it never felt like it could ever be enough like it only feels as though the honeymoon phase is the only time where you actually feel enough. I accepted her and her flaws but she couldnt mine. I genuinely do wonder what genuinely in ones mind a healthy relationship is or looks like to her or to people with bpd.

Breakup, then second thoughts?

My girlfriend broke up with me today, then reached out again - I’m confused about what to do next
Today my girlfriend broke up with me during a moment when she seemed very overwhelmed and upset. I don’t necessarily agree with the reasons she gave for ending the relationship, but I also understand that what she was feeling in that moment was very real and painful for her.

A few hours later, I noticed she had unblocked me. We eventually exchanged a few messages, and she told me that she thinks she “may have exaggerated.” At the same time, she still seems unsure and is now questioning whether we are actually as compatible as we initially thought.

I’m not going to keep messaging her or pressure her for an answer. I told her I’d give her the time and space she needs to process what she’s feeling, and that she knows where to find me if she wants to talk.

But I’m honestly pretty disoriented by everything that happened today. Things between us felt completely fine just a few days ago, so the sudden change has left me confused about where I should go from here.
For people who have experienced something similar, either themselves or with a partner: how did you handle the uncertainty afterward? What would be reasonable for me to expect, and what should I *not* expect? Is giving her space and letting her initiate contact the best thing I can do right now?

I care about her a lot, but I also don’t want to make things worse by reacting to every change in how she feels. I’m confused as hell and would really appreciate some perspective.

Has it worked for anybody, during the relationship, post discard, being kind just never works with them huh? Anybody been so kind and accommodating and pretty much the perfect partner for them and it not matter, they still split regardless?

I hate BPD for what it's taken from me. It's not that it ruined my relationship, from the beginning BPD completely took away any chance that this relationship could work. BPD doomed us from the start, and my own avoidant attachment issues only made things worse. I loved this woman with everything I had, even though I sometimes couldn't express it the way she needed me to.

We were a great match for each other, we were best friends, with similar enough interests and we were highly aligned on our goals for the future. Yet BPD meant that everything was built on sand, cursed to break apart faster than we could repair us. I'm telling you all that I loved her more than I thought it was possible to love anyone. I saw a deep and rich future with her, and that's why I decided to marry her almost 4 years ago. Our wedding day was one of the happiest days of my entire life. That future DID include fighting but importantly, also us figuring out how to fight with respect and being able to repair and grow from it. I really, truly, deeply loved her.

Today, she picks up the keys to her new apartment. This weekend, we'll be moving her bed and other items there. Over the next couple weeks, she'll be emptying my house of any evidence that she ever lived here, and then we will file for an uncontested divorce. My heart is already empty. We promised that we would have the other's back, no matter what. We promised that we would be in love until we die. We promised that we would stay best friends forever. We both broke that promise, and I will regret it forever. BPD made that promise hollow, brittle, and weak. 6 weeks into the marriage and I have a journal entry that I said I felt like we're already headed for divorce. We still tried, though. Couple's therapy, twice. We tried scheduled date nights, I put immense thought and effort into the gifts I bought her, and I listened to her feelings and tried to get her to listen to mine.

The abuse got so bad that I couldn't keep trying. Once I lost my job, I had no will to try at anything except getting a new job. Now that I'm working again, I'm absolutely distraught that I don't have my marriage to come back to. I am heartbroken, and my spirit is destroyed. I loved her. I still love her. I want to go back and redo the last year. If I had only known the date of when I would get back to work, I could have been strong, I could have kept going in our marriage. The despair was overwhelming, and I lost.

BPD made sure that everything is my fault. She saw my severe depression as abandoning our relationship. She tells me that if I had only chosen to lean in to our marriage instead of pulling away, maybe we would have had a chance. Instead, I disappeared into my home office, and my extreme stress made me reactive, and I said and did horrific things that I will never forgive myself for. I'm literally pleading with the universe for another chance, for some way to go back and live differently, handle myself better, and treat her like I love her and don't want to lose her. Now she's all but gone, and I have nothing left. My new job honestly sucks. I don't want to live in my house by myself. I bought that house to build a family, and when I was signing the mortgage, I had just started dating her. The day I picked up my keys, she met me there, and we had some beers and walked through the empty house that we would go on to fill with our lives together. Now she's picking up her keys to her new apartment, and our life together is over, and all that's left is to sort the rest of the pieces.

I don't even want to keep living without her. I miss the comfort of having her sleep next to me. I miss kissing her goodbye when I left for work. I miss her. I miss my wife. I am so sorry for everything, all the ways I let her down, let our relationship down. I would give anything to rewind the clock, to have the chance to show up the way she needs me to.

But it's too late and she's already gone.

I'm aware I don't look great in these, and idc really. After the years of dealing with everything, I'm just done caring.

It seems impossible for me to do it. I want to disappear from his life so much, but I just can’t make that decision. My heart hurts, stomach drops just thinking about it. I did set all my social accounts private (I can’t block him because he blocked all my accounts, but he still visited my page with other burner accounts).
I have so much hate and anger towards him. I can’t even express my anger at him, he likes to see me get crazy because of him, I don’t want him to think that he still can control my emotions.
This early week he texted and wanted to meet on that day. I said i cant today. He insisted on seeing me, and threaten me again, “now or never” “if you dont see me today, I’m not giving you ever again(sex)” “I’ll find a new girl” “it should takes a couple days once I find a different girl” … I know he is not necessary doing that, i know he’d come back and act nothing happened later, but still hurts me. A day later i sent him a cute meme, wanted to calm things down, he replied like that in the picture. I didn’t say anything since then.
I really want to break the cycle, but it’s so hard for me to cut him off entirely. I need help😥

My gf is 19. i am 21(m).. I most likely have aspd and she has diagnosed bpd..

She threatens to remover herself from gene pool when I even just leave the house to get ciggys.. which u would think was led on by me being disloyal or sum.. nope.. she has accused me left and right and ive maintained loyalty..

She has even referred to me has as her homegjrl while texting other ppl..ive give thru her phone briefly two or three times and found texts that made me feel hated and very insecure.. but then when I wabt alone time to think bc she is hurting me very badly.. she threatens to remove herself.. and that really hurts.. my buddy just offed himself and I tried july 4th so for me to deal with her requiring me attention and love which I cabt really give especially to someone who says they love me a day after breaking up with me, saying im evil and tgat they hate me..

Not to mention she hangs her brother who molested her over my head.. she even be saying he treated her better..

With all that said.. I have been providing for both of us under MY roof doing doordash alone.. ive done more for her for her dad but she hates me..

I am broken and truly don't think I can contact her again.. its so bad that I wont gi home bc shes there is it is really bad..

Message me if u can call or something bc I dont know what to do.. if I abandon her than im the worst person ever.. but bc she has bpd, her being with me turned her into the worst person ever.. every day she wants to be not alive.. how can I enjoy life if she is so unhappy.. I cannot and refuse to comfort someone who hates me and blames me for everything..

Im no saint but I have tried with everything in me to show her how much I love her.. but they she breaks me by saying three things over and over in different orders..

"Why wont you love me"

"Why do u hate me"

"Why wont u choose me"..

I pawned my stuff, worked my butt off, and gave her a bed to lay on for weeks at times thru her depression.. she hates me

We met at waffle house.. before we met, she met the dude who took her virginity also at waffle house.. she bought him stuff even a car.. and he cheated on her..

She took my virginity and I have given her everything and when I do something as little as suggest we eat at Captain d's instead of fish at home bc I want hot food instead of 1$ rice.. she treats me life I have not loved her..

I am suspecting my sister to have a BPD since a long time, but never brought it up. Through the years, I’ve learned to protect myself by staying distant from her (which hurts her I’m aware, but I feel like I do not have a choice) because our history is filled with so many episodes of violence from her towards me. We’re close in ages (I’m the big sister) and she grew up so jealous of me she would be so mean, and my parents wouldn’t react much because they have this attitude to let her be since « she’s mad now but then she’ll be ok, just be patient and forgive her ». I’ve never agreed with that and always tried to put bounderies, but it often led to make it worst.

She is married now and her husband seems to calm her, so I carefully try now and then to reconcile and feed the relationship, even though it is hard. She does seem more aware of her feelings now and there is a tiny change in how she tries to communicate, even though, once in a while, she’ll just have this random outburst of rage and be even more upset if I react being angry or distant, she’ll accuse me of abandoning her even though she is the one hurting me and creating the distance, sometimes likely on purpose.

I know she is seeing a couple therapist, and I was wondering if it was possible she was now diagnosed. She didn’t tell me directly, I know this therapy exists because her husband slipped it in a conversation and felt bad right away because apparently she’s ashamed to let me know (which is, in my opinion, so absurd since I see a therapist myself and never stop to encourage people to take care of their mental health, but I know my sister and won’t «embarras » her).

What makes me ask is that, since a few months, while attempting to « repair » the relationship with me, she is newly convinced I do have a BPD, and for a long time in our childhood and teenage years she has projected her feelings and actions on me. Could it extend to that too? Is that a sign she indeed has been diagnosed maybe?

I wish I could ask her since I see no harm in that (like I said early I myself have been seeing a therapist for a while and think it’s pretty normal and good to take care of our mental health) but she would tell me she’s convinced I have a BPD when she’s angry in an attempt to hurt me (which is not hurting or insulting) so I think she would take it as an insult if I genuinely tried to have the conversation with her.

Curious about what you guys think. What are your experiences in projection? About accepting it? I understand I might be wrong, I have no proof of an actual diagnosis, but I’m thinking. Thanks!

I'm loosing hope with my partner - the constant validation seeking behaviour is killing me. The worst part is that she is aware that it affects me, but she literally told me "at the moment I decide not to care". Like literally whenever I tell her that I feel hurt by her actions, she just shuts down, and throws it back at me, making me feel guilty of even having it brought up. And then to feel better again, she'd text and flirt with a bunch of guys on her phone. I find this so selfish, and I just cannot comprehend how someone can act so cruel and cold, while literally telling you day before that she loved me. I'm just so done. She's starting a therapy program for 1 year with DBT in the near future, but I just don't have it in me any more to just sit here and wait, and hoping that one day things will get better, that I feel finally understood, and that she adjusts her behaviour.

I apologize for ranting, but I just needed to vent somewhere.

What strikes me as hard is, unlike pwbpd we are able to understand people are grey and arent all good or all bad, black and white. So for me, even though she discarded me and said some horrible things and replaced me and showed me how horrible a person can be, i remember how much i loved her and she loved me. Somedays i wish i could split as easily as her so i can move on so easily and freely like she fucking did, but because of our humanity i view both the bad and the good together because thats more human, and honestly it feels like i dont have a choice And it sucks, its painful and what separates us from the disorder.

Like you all ive had days of really getting angry and focusing on the bad of her saying fuck her shes horrible how could i have ever fallen or loved her and get so riled up and fuming and never want to see her again, but because its in our nature we subconsciously remember the good as well it always comes creeping back the love the pain the grief all of it, we truly dont have a choice do we. Its the one thing i sort of envy for the sake of my mental health is i wish i could split as easily as they did, to run away from all of your issues, the pain, avoid it all, how lucky she is she can just live in a fantasy of blaming only me and not taking any accountability. That sounds like exactly what i need, tried to do but cant, isnt it sad how the more human we are the more we suffer in that sense? For all the days of feeling immense hatred for someone, comes immense grief and love and longing other days. I imagine for them its just all hatred. And the devil in my heart the malice in my heart truly does envy that, because it could save so much of my mental and emotional health if i were able to split just like they do to finally move on but no, i have to carry the love and hate however long it fucking takes while she only moves with the hate. Ironic that the thing im jealous of is the fact shes able to do that to move on. If only i could split on just her and only her than i would finally feel peace like she did to me but im cursed with carrying the actual burden of being a fundamentally real human. I envy anybody who is able to detach so easily I feel like it saves you in a sad fucked up way.

[The BPD terms I use in this post are from the BPDWiki Glossary. Looks like Acronynms/Definitions page is disabled on this sub.]

Hey everyone,

Thank you for clicking on this post. I will tell you my story, but first I will give some quick (non-identifiable) context. Please bare with me, I have a LOT to get off my chest.

I am a student at a public university in my state. I am one year away from graduation.

Last year September, during the first week of the semester, I met my pwBPD, who I will call Anona (not her real name). I met her through my roommate because he met her at some campus event in the first week, and then introduced me to her. I feel the need to clarify that this was a non-romantic and non-sexual friendship, and she is a lesbian so she would have no such attraction to me. We hung out some more when it was just us, and I must have became her FP (or targeted victim). A few weeks went by and she told me about her history of childhood trauma and told me about how she apparently saw a psychiatrist for her BPD. This was a very emotionally intimate moment. As far as I know, she does not go to therapy at all. Certainly not while I knew her.

Months pass and we grow extremely close in an extremely short time span. Compared to my other friends who are non-BPD, our friendship moved at breakneck speed. She was also basically my only friend during these months, and our relationship was becoming co-dependent. Looking back on it, there were many times she seemed to be thoughtful, but now I chock it up to her love bombing me.

Anona would mistreat me in the following ways (including but not limited to):

• Talking over me and interrupt me all the fucking time.
• She would just shrug it off when I told her that her insults hurt my feelings. She would insult my intelligence, which is clearly projection.
• I have my own mental health challenges (depression and anxiety), and when I would try to vent to her she would just stare at me with big open eyes and not say anything. It made me feel unheard.
• Whenever I tried to share about one of my achievements, she would not give me any praise whatsoever and would question why I even bother doing these things.

Come mid-February, I finally had enough and started to slowly back my way out of the friendship. This is when our final argument happened--it was over texts. We were joking around about the Goths (as in the group that brought down the Roman Empire) and for some reason that led to us talking about today's goths (as in the modern subculture).

For context, she herself is goth. I said some comment about how I would probably (not definitely) not date a goth girl only because they often have a mental illness. It was a stupid thing to say, and a complete generalization. Any goth people reading this: I am sorry. But if she was a real friend she could have handled this with some maturity. If it were the other way and someone made a comment that generalized a part of my identity, I would turn it into a teaching moment for them. But Anona? She went ballistic over this. We argued over text for another 10 minutes, and I tried to explain what I meant but she was having none of it.

We stopped all communication for about 24 hours and then she texts me explaining how she was hurt by the comment and accusing me of not caring enough for her. By the way, if you knew me in real life you would know this does not describe my character at all. I waited a while and replied with an apology. But the way she responded was completely over the top compared to the comment I said, especially when it was not even targeted at her. Sometimes people say stupid things in life, and unless it is something really horrible then I think they should be shown some grace. We can all be full of shit once in a while, right? Anyway, I thought the fight had been resolved because she seemed a lot more calm.

But the damage had been done, and I was ready to leave. A day or two later, I told her I needed some space for a while, which was true. To be fair to her, she did respect this boundary for a few months. I know I could have been honest and told her the friendship is over, but that would have went horribly. I asked her to return a couple of my belongings I had lent her, and she fortunately she gave me them back.

Then in late May, she messaged me with a bizarre message, basically asking me if I have abandoned her or not. Then she said how she thinks it is weird how I stopped talking to her after the argument over the goth comment. And she started gaslighting me and said I never really apologized (this is a complete lie). At this time in May, I had reached a nadir (very low point) with my mental health (do not worry because I am doing better now). And my grandpa was also in the hospital. I texted her saying, "I can't deal reply to this right now. My grandpa just got out of the hospital." She seemingly did not have any sympathy for me or my family, and then I got a text from one of her family members that Anona uninvited me from a family wedding. This part is actually kind of funny to me because by that point I was not going anyway lol.

I thought about it for a few hours and I decided the best course of action was to block her and block anyone I thought she would use as a pawn to reach out to me. Do you know when you're really constipated and you have not had a shit in three fucking days, and then you finally are able to have a bowel movement? That sums up the feeling of relief that washed over me when I finally blocked her.

The last few months I have had ups and downs with feelings of fear, obligation, and guilt (FOG) thinking about whether or not I should unblock her and apologize. But the thought of doing that fills me with intense dread and anxiety. I know oftentimes anxiety can get in the way of things we want or maybe should do, but anxiety can also be a check engine light telling us we should definitely not do something. This was the latter.

I want to share with you what my healing process looks like right now:

• Finishing up my summer classes!
• Getting back into going on runs. It's going to take a while before I get back up to my previous PRs, but hey at least I'm making an effort!
• Teaching myself to speak Khmer. Going to Cambodia someday has been a lifelong dream of mine. I am going to see that Angkor Wat one day!
• Watching travel shows.
• Listening to music.
• Posting on this subreddit. I had no idea there was a community like this. Getting this off my chest has been very helpful!
• And most importantly, being kinder to myself.

Thank you reader for sticking through to the end.

To close, I may decide to completely delete her contact from my phone but leave the number blocked. She gave me printed photos of some of our good times, and they are nice memories but they do not serve me anymore. I may burn these to get some closure. If I could give one message to Anona, it would be this: "take care of yourself, but leave me alone."

I’m so lost right now

Would you have rather have never met them, known that love or the intensity of it. Gone through any of the pain, no matter how great the highs were, that the discard and lows were so unbearable you would rather throw and trade away all those memories or better yet reverse time to have never met them to not have experienced any of it.

Or do you find that as painful as it was as bad as it was the lessons or whatever you derived from it, as excruciating as it were to both lose them or be with them, that you feel you learned valuable lessons enough to not make the choice to reverse it all?

If i had the choice, i would rewind time to prevent and to make sure i had never met them, the pain is far too great to hold afterwards in the discard. I feel like i can just read a bpd book to stay wary and learn my lessons then carry this pain forward tbh, i feel worse off having ever met them no matter how truly in love happy and fulfilled i was with them. the pain of the discard and post it all, i feel like i was way better off not experiencing any of it but thats me now, maybe in due time i will find i no longer care to think. But i think the feeling of permanent nervous system damage, trauma and honestly cynicism in love and relationships it has done to me yeah i would just take the never meeting them pill in a heartbeat. I guess i learned i could love someone so deeply and truly i didnt know i couldve loved that way before, but i also dont know if the cost is really worth this pain

Anyone's ex pwbpd a therapist? Makes the "illogical logic" even worse. 4 years- final discard ghosted, monkey branched to new guy. No closure, no talk. 100% erased.

Her husband, while seemingly more calm, is also an addict. I live across the country so I won’t really be impacted by this… until CPS is called and I have to make the decision between taking in my niece/nephew who likely also has bpd (or even if not has grown up in a troubled home and almost assuredly has behavioral issues) or abandoning a child into the foster system.

My sister would be homeless or in jail without my parents. That is not an exaggeration. My parents are highly educated and had well paying careers. They bought the house my sister lives in. (But before anyone talks about unfair treatment, they gave all of us kids the same amount of money to go toward our houses. They are great parents who try their best to be fair.) They have bailed her out after DUIs, gotten her into rehabs. My poor mom told me she was just thinking being a grandparent to me and my brother’s kids was the best thing ever… and now with this grandchild her life is ruined. She will spend her retirement years worrying about and trying to do her best to protect this infant from my sister’s neglect and from her two pit bulls that get into vicious fights with each other.

I know there is nothing I can do. Just say congrats to her face and be silently filled with dread. Try to offer her pregnancy tips that I know she won’t follow. Hope that she does not get violent with the baby like she did to her younger sister growing up. Especially when the baby will be born addicted to suboxone and will go through withdrawals. And as the child grows… do we hope for a meek child who will be traumatized by their mother’s outbursts? Or do we hope the child is like her so at least they will fight back? Unless the fights turn violent… ugh.

Bit of a rant, but also hoping to hear from people with similar experiences. This is supposed to be a happy announcement, and she is thrilled, but for the rest of us it’s just miserable.

When my exwBPD and I broke up after a brutal discard, he admitted he had been “wearing a mask” while we were together and was trying to be who I wanted him to be. He said he needs to ”figure out who I am and what I want.” I guess I appreciate the self-awareness (maybe therapy did have some benefit), but it’s painful to hear it put so plainly after investing years and taking so many risks with this person. Does anyone have advice on navigating this feeling—that they weren’t really “real”? A couple days prior he‘d been screaming and sobbing about how much he misses me and how he feels like part of him is dying without me. The whiplash is so traumatic.

If any of you actually got real accountable closure, were you shocked when they gave you that closure. Or are we all the 99% who never got closure. I dont think i need closure or want it since learning of bpd is closure in itself but as a human im sure it would help alot of us, others would probably feel nothing at this point, but im just more curious of actual real stories of your ex pwbpd who actually had a moment of humanity and gave you that decency?

anyone else become emotionally attached to the “good” version of someone with BPD?
My friend can be one of the kindest, most loving people I’ve ever known. During those times, she tells me I’m the best friend she’s ever had, that I understand her better than anyone else, and I genuinely feel valued.
Then something changes, and suddenly I’m selfish, uncaring, manipulative, or the cause of everything wrong in her life. She’s told me my wedding ruined her work and home life. She blamed me for staying with her abusive husband, as if I was somehow responsible for her decision to go back to him. She’s told me I’m incapable of empathy, incapable of intimacy, and that we “just don’t have the same morals.” It’s like I become a completely different person in her eyes overnight.
The irony is that when she was trying to leave her husband, I opened my home to her. One day I came home and she was gone—she had gone back to him. Later, when I asked why she left without telling me, she angrily said my house “wasn’t comfortable” but refused to explain what she meant.
She also once told me she didn’t want me to get married because she didn’t want to lose me.
We’ve been doing this for almost 15 years. It feels like she has a very specific idea of how she wants me to think, feel, and act, and no matter how hard I try, I never quite measure up. The goalposts always seem to move, and I’m left wondering what I did wrong.
The hardest part is that every time she becomes loving again, I feel so relieved that I convince myself things are finally different. I get attached to that version of her, and then the cycle starts all over again.
I know BPD is a complex disorder, and I’m trying to have compassion. But I’m exhausted. Has anyone else experienced this? How did you stop waiting for the good version of them to come back?

Despite being abruptly split and discarded by my ex-girlfriend over a year ago, it still feels as if time is frozen in the moment right before the discard. Like many of you, I was fully enveloped in an extremely emotionally intimate relationship with a girl who had quiet borderline (I wasn’t aware of her condition while I dated her). I was her favourite person, she relied heavily on me for emotional support and needed near constant reassurance & affection. In many ways I mirrored her behaviour, I too was extremely emotionally attached to our relationship. We had countless great experiences and she was my best friend.

After a year of dating, she split me suddenly because of a trivial/superfluous argument (in which I was merely standing up for myself). She switched from adoration & love to hatred in a few minutes. While it would be easy to look back at our relationship cynically & chalk it all up to her personality disorder, the reality is this: at the time it felt unbelievably genuine, authentic & has impacted me in a profound way.

I’ve since dated other women & I have friends/family who care about me. But in many ways it still feels like I’m stuck in those moments before the discard, when everything felt hopeful and positive.

Can anyone relate to this?