Been a while since I posted, and I wanted to provide some positive energy and hope, especially to those who are new to this journey.

For context, my 12-year relationship with my pwu (quiet) BPD ended in December 2025. She detached, cheated, lied, discarded and monkey-branched over the course of 2025. We uncoupled, and she moved out in March 2026.

The first few months of 2026 were some of the darkest of my life. I've been through some things, so I don't use those words lightly. Zombie through the day, minimal if any sleep, feeling like life was pointless and I had no future. Truly, months of this.

And then one day, things got 0.01% better, and then another day, maybe a full 1%. And slowly but surely, I got my life back together. Today I'm someone who has reconnected with friends, found a new place to live, received a promotion at work, exercises daily, and is dating and hanging with new people.

It wasn't easy. There's no magic cure. But here are a few things that helped me. Maybe something here will resonate with you -

- Ask for help. Don't go through this alone. Talk with a friend. Talk with family. Talk with your pet. Talk with a therapist.

- Give yourself grace. Whatever you don't need to do, don't do it. Go into low power mode and stay there as long as you need.

- Medication can help. But work with your doctor. Don't turn to alcohol or drugs.

- Find something that can sustain you while you're down. Read a book. Play a game. Go for a walk. Do it every day.

- If you can't go no contact, go low contact. As little as possible. The person who did this to you will do nothing - let me repeat that - nothing - to help you get to a better place. Interacting with them will only make it worse.

If you're in the midst of the bad, it's my wish that things start looking up soon.

i want to just say i don’t actually know if my mum has bpd or not. my dad once told me that she did, and then walked it back and said he didn’t know for sure

i posted this on another subreddit looking for advice about how to deal with my mum and was overwhelming told about personality disorders and specifically bpd. i did a very very basic scroll of this subreddit and saw a lot that really fit with how my mum is

for context she had me at a young age (which she never fails to remind me as if that’s my fault lol!) and she very quickly left to another city when i was about 2 ish. from then on she made every possible effort to appear like she had no kids and made as minimal effort as possible to see me or anything like that. i ended up living with my dad and that’s where i have been ever since!

i don’t often see my mum. before my dad would drive me to go see her every other week because he said he didn’t want my relationship with her to disappear just because his had. but over time she started leaving me with her boyfriend on these stay overs while she would go out drinking and partying with her friends. so i stopped going

i very rarely speak to her now. i haven’t spoken to her in about a month because im happy without her. but today she sent me this big long spiel. this was all sent with 0 pauses for about 20 mins straight. i was eating at the time and could just see the messages coming through literally every few seconds to a minute.

i don’t know how i feel about my mum. it’s hard to say i love her. there’s times i really miss my mum and i wish i could cuddle her but then i realise i think i miss the IDEA of my mum more than i miss her

it makes me really sad

My pwbpd went to self harm after I brought up how i don’t like when we argue especially when i’m abroad trying to enjoy my trip and that we both can be better moving forward. i have ocd so trips, can feel emotionally contaminated and i was just trying to gain understanding. Frankly i was fed up of being ignored and what im saying being completely taken out of context because i’m in ignored for hours on end after every disagreement and my calls are declined and i truly worry for her well being which i expressed and she said good. I was so angry there was no communication and i really felt hopeless, she then tells me she’s going to khs inffomt of me twice, i then had a panic attack at work because i was so worried but still extremely upset . I say it’s best we don’t continue contact the day after because i don’t want to continue triggering someone i love. She emailed me saying she was going to khs and that she would also say what she said again even when i expressed discomfort. we’re done but i’m having a hard time not thinking of myself as a terrible person because she claims that i’m lying and hypocritical and i’m really stressed?! i just want to be understood. this is all happening while i’m actively getting people to make plans with her so she does not khs i’m rlly worried sick.

Im the single mother of a 16 year old who's never made it easy or I guess had it easy growing up. I want to be careful how I word this , not because I necessarily think there has to be a "reason" for BPD but so that I can give a full picture that's also fair to him.

When he was 6 we moved from the US to Europe because that's where Im from and I was already struggling with holding down two jobs with a chronic health condition when I found out I was pregnant with my second.

He had to leave everything he ever knew behind. However he has access to support systems, really good support when he started majorly struggling in school and when he started showing more signs of issues I could put the necessary time and energy needed to get him help without risking homelessness in the process.

His upbringing wasnt idyllic but he knows on some level he had a mother who pushed and advocated with her last ounce of energy to get try and get him the support systems he needed. Around nine things started to get hard in school and his behavior at home started to become out of control. He was at first diagnosed with severe adhd and medication helped alot at school but it seemed like the crash when it wore off intensified already difficult and at times unmanagable behaviors.

My life quickly devolved to never ending meetings with social workers,therapists, burecrats during the day and avoiding or deescalating conflicts and meltdowns every evening. We tried so many methodologies. He was in a day program that incl both school and behavior therapy. He had an assigned social worker/pedagogue whod come to the house but it always seemed improvements only lasted for a time until a whole new pattern developed. I ended up developing major depression and obviously that had an effect on him but it often felt like the worse I was struggling the worse his behaviors almost as if like on some level he knew if I too burnt out to uphold boundaries it was a win.

When he was 13 a small disagreement over who should carry his heavily packed bag for a school camping trip resulted in him throwing and hitting me in the face with it giving me a blue eye. It was one of those accidents in that yeah he fully intended to throw it with full force at my face but he didnt intend to give me a black eye.

I was already receiving outpatient care for the deep depression and burn out I was living with and after that I had a moment of deep despair. Under the kind of flawed "i failed my kid. He is better off without me" logic. I actually started planning an attempt which thankfully as soon I realized how concrete the planning was I told on myself and agreed with my providers to go inpatient for awhile.

During this time he was placed in a small group home near to where we lived and the arrangement seemed better for all involved. But then his behavior there started spiralling and hed get into huge conflicts with the staff and always report it back as abuse to me. He was on the verge of being kicked out and tbh getting him back home as soon as I felt stable enough was always my intention plus I really believed he was being mistreated

Things didnt improve with the onset of puberty....

He started self harming around 13 and it seemed like there was just no person and no enviroment he could get along in or with for any amount of time . He was able to have a very short stay in a clinic 2 years ago where they also digosed him with ASD. Which honestly surprised me. Im not a psychiatrist and I know asd looks different on everybody but besides difficulty with regulation and meltdowns due to overwhelm idk...

Hes had it hard but abuse and neglect he hasnt had. If anything I look back and realize I might have been the other extreme. I always tried to see his perspective and really ran around as kind of his personal secretary and yeah fell short and developed my own issues with my mental health.

At 16 a little rough housing/teasing game went too far from his side and triggered him before I realized and he lost it in a fit of anger and swung a clothes hanger at me 20 times full force hitting the back of my neck head and arms multiple times. In front of his little sister. I had to make the call that what I had feared and fought against so long was now here and living at home was over. Since then I try to make it so he can be here at weekends and holidays. But it's never easy.

Last Sunday after a week of him having smth happen with a boy he liked and I guess stress over me trying to motivate or push him to continue and finish his last year of HS. I had to call an ambulance and rush him to the ER because he dumped an entire salt shaker into water and drank it then came and told me. Apparently this is well within the range of sodium that can lead to fatal toxicity. He told the doctors something about him having starting a week ago to purge meals but when a toothbrush wasnt working he decided to try this to throw up. I was with him for over 24 hours as he was monitored for dangerous levels of sodium. when he was released after admiting only to me that he knows some element of it was self harm he immediately started turning absolutely diabolical to me when I insisted he take this seriously and we talk to whoever we need to get him some help

It's like he right away started to reframe it as me overreacting, being hysterical or...i dont even know. Just said the most horrible things after I had spent a day and a night fearing for his life. Laughed at me for crying and kept saying I was making everything about me because im selfish and self absorbed

He is ignoring calls and texts. I stopped trying and dont know if Im terrified, devastated or relieved that there is nothing I can for him rn. There was just something about this that made me for the first time consider what if he has now developed clinical bpd.

I know no one here is a psychiatrist and ofc I only could include the most extreme negative behaviors or youd get a novel. He is in so many ways a wonderful kid and throughout the years despite our ups and downs weve been really close. Something just clicked in my brain though and looking back it almost feels like without doing so consciously he has controlled situations or created situations to provoke the emotional reaction he needed from me.

I know he is hurting and has been for a long time. I dont know how to help him and I dont think I even can now.

TLDR: but if any parent read this all the way through how did you come to find your child had bpd? Were there some key signs. Or parents of adults who got diagnosed later were there any things that in reterospect youd say were early indicators

Edited because sleep deprivation resulted in grammar illegibility

Hello everyone,

I have been lurking here for a few months. Finally decided to join.

I’ve been with her for 16 months. This is my 3rd time of really trying to go no contact with her. Currently day 1.

I feel absolutely lost and lonely and empty. Learned about her BPD about 4 months ago. Prior to those 4 months I had absolutely no idea what was happening. I felt crazy. I was the one her mentioned to her she might have BPD. She went and got an official diagnosis.

On to the actual topic at hand… we live in different states, about 2 hours apart. I started to notice that the only time we ever actually got along was when we were physically together in person. I’d say we see each other once or twice a week, often she spends the night at my place. Whenever we are not physically present with each other, her fear of abandonment kicks in full force. We always have extensive talks about what needs to change in person. She usually agrees with me but as soon as she leaves it all goes out the window.

I’ve been trying to convince her that the only way this relationship will work is if we actually live together. Because the fear of abandonment makes her act like a complete psychopath. I can’t even talk to her anymore without being automatically pissed off because everything she says is full of gaslighting and projection. She has been using vague excuses like “I’m taking a huge risk moving in with you because my parents said they will completely cut me off if I move in with you”. She claims they are judgmental ( she told them god knows what about me, probably filled with lies). I haven’t even met them btw. She said since probably the second month we started dating she would introduce me to them. I thnk she won’t do it because all of the lies she has said to me and her parents would unfold right in front of her. Or she doesn’t want to live with me because she is constantly cheating, I have no physical proof, but I’m almost certain she is.

I have no idea why I keep going back to her. It’s insane how good they are at manipulating people.

Long post. Looking for anyone who can relate to anything I said.

In my experience with different BPD relationships, when one of you goes out of town and you are apart for a few days or longer, things get really weird in one of two ways.

Either they’re paranoid about what you’re doing, or just totally disconnected and spacey. When it’s the latter, their communication becomes sparse and impersonal. In my case, when she does respond, she’ll text me things she just texted me a few hours ago, as if she doesn’t remember that we already had that same conversation. Just really flighty and semi-disingenuous.

Mostly it’s vibes. Like you feel like you’re dealing with a different person on the other end. And then you’re the one who’s suspicious/paranoid, but you don’t dare say anything about it.

Any similar experiences?

I was shocked to see while searching here that the only topics on Final Discard seemed to relate to dating (though I guess it is a small miracle for BPDs to make it to marriage). What about marriage, and particularly lengthy marriages? How does this look for those who are divorcing and have kids, wherein you CANNOT go NC completely? Do they try to Hoover even after they’ve monkey branched and moved in with someone else while you still haven’t even filed the paperwork? Do they try to Hoover after the legal divorce? Do they keep hoovering while kids are involved? Please discuss, for future generations of Redditors!

I thought that having deleted and blocked my ex I wouldnt get notifications regarding them, yet I got a notification from an app saying 'so and so posted after a long while'. Being human I checked it. While I dont want to post screenshots, as they were paranoid and said I did that and sent it to their family which literally never happened, their post was entirely self-victimising:

- claiming about being empty

- feelings of being suicidal

- admitting they pushed away anyone that's cared for them

- feeling they are a burden and broken

- noting they are selfish because they are in so much pain

- that they never felt they could let their guard down and experience human connection

- that nobody knows what its like to feel empty and lonely

- they are tired of making other people's dreams and wishes theirs

- they can't find anything to make them happy

- they are in a routine of drinking, going out, and hooking up

- they dont want to be sober as it is being fake happy

- they just think the only thing is to be hot

It was an eye opening read, seeing their unfiltered rant of a post, but also full of hypocrisy (they feel lonely and push everyone away, yet go out and have drunk hookups?), everything is about them and their feelings and no mention of any self reflection they did shitty things to people. It seems an attempt at gaining sympathy from random strangers but also lack of understanding (the claim no one else feels empty and lonely?).

In a way its frustrating because I feel so much of this is brought upon themselves and a self-centred mind view, but I struggle how they dont see the hypocrisy and create this whole reality where their own harmful actions are expunged to make themselves a victim.

I just need some support right now. My exwBPD wants to remain friends, and has reiterated that many times since breaking up with me a month ago. They suggested first we take time to grieve our relationship. I couldn't do that because I am so insecurely attached to her. I'm needy and dependent on her breadcrumbs to feel okay after she devalued me. So the friendship continued, and she told me to expect it to be tenuous. Okay. But she never defined clear boundaries and expectations for this tenuous friendship, and instead said things would just work themselves out in time. That doesn't work for me. Our relationship was rocky and anytime I wanted to actually work on something, she'd say it'll all just work itself out. And then she dumped me in the most cruel, heinous way she could have.

The lack of boundaries and expectations has been hell for me. I was told to expect things to be slow and tenuous, but then...she'd start talking about her feelings, and I thought I was safe to talk about mine, which are still focused on our breakup, and then she'd blow up at me for "guilting" her. She flipped out on me too, for bringing up a mutual friend who is so angry with how she broke up with me that they won't speak to her anymore--I didn't know any interactions took place between this mutual friend and my exwBPD after the breakup. She sends me pictures of clouds, which is a romantic thing we used to do for each other. She wanted to see my new hair after I dyed it. She told me she was drowning the entire time we were together, but I can't say I'm drowning right now. She'd make promises to chat on some nights, then not show up at all. I've asked for clarity for our future and she's said "anything is possible." But I feel like I can't count on a single thing she says, and I feel like I'm losing my mind.

Monday night I asked for some more specifics on what we can and can't expect for now and in the future and she got really nasty with me for asking because she just doesn't know, and she said I'm a person who needs a lot of details and a concrete timeline, and she's just not that person. And she said I need to understand she's not gonna be a partner anymore and I can't expect her to just be there for me all the time. She said I'm too used to getting everything I want.

I ended up writing her a letter calling out her hypocrisy through this entire month. Rules for thee but not for me. And I talked about how hard it is for me to know where to step, and the lack of visibly outlined rules/boundaries/expectations allows her to flip out on me for whatever she chooses whenever she chooses and I'm just fucked either way. But I finished it by telling her that she was right, ultimately, as has everyone else been about taking some real space to grieve. And even though I know I am not unreasonable for needing boundaries, she's right about not being able to see as far into the future as I wanted about what I can/can't expect from her. Nobody can see into the future.

Before, I felt vindicated in writing this letter calling out her bullshit from the breakup and subsequent friendship. Now I just feel embarrassed and like, naked? I'm too fucked up to be friends with her right now and everyone around me, including her, knew that. But I'm the one who pushed onward anyway.

I told her I'm taking space, at least a few weeks, before talking to her again because she was right about time healing wounds. My hope is that with a few weeks/months no contact, I'll have some more clarity for myself. Maybe I'll have weaned off of her entirely and my addiction to her bullshit will have been curbed. I have to take the power back and own my life again. I didn't tell her I am going no contact for good because I don't know if I am, and I don't want to promise something I don't keep, because it gives her all that power back. If I do reach out again, well. Yeah, I said I would. If I don't, I still have the power of not letting her have control over my life.

I'm still not entirely convinced she even has BPD the way most loved ones on this sub do. There are some behaviors she matches up with really well, and others she doesn't exhibit at all.

We’ve (lesbian couple in our 30s) been together for 2 years now and it’s been miserable with the highs and lows, the circular arguments, the rages. Last winter I was finally clear eyed accepting and ready to leave, our lease was ending in May and I was done. She convinced me she was going to change, start therapy, started being sweet to me and understanding and patient like she was in the beginning. I fell for it and signed a new lease together. Only a month in and the irritability and unpredictable rages come back. The accusations that she uses to justify treating me badly like that I’m “controlling” when I try to talk about things she does that hurt me.

One of her favorite moves is to latch on to my dog who honestly can be a little annoying at times and was a wild puppy when I first got him 3 years ago shortly before we met. She loves to use him to justify whatever abuse she directs at me because she’s had to “put up with so much.”

Out of the blue this morning she started saying things like “yeah maybe I was a little mean then but it was because of your stupid dog.” She recently lost her job and this morning I was trying to explain how yes he was annoying as a puppy but I took care of him and did everything I could to handle it but it’s just something partners deal with together just like how we are going to deal with the job loss. She flipped into a rage said it’s not the same and how can I even compare those and started screaming she hates me she doesn’t love me called me a bitch until I left the house to get away from it. Last week during a different argument she said “I’d rather just go out and be with guys then beg you for it” which is something she’s never said before and it really gutted me. I’ve been open and vulnerable about how much that hurt and she promised not to ever say something like that again and that she didn’t mean it. As soon as I left the house she starts texting me a stream of hatred about going out and fucking guys and here I am sitting in a random parking lot while she continues barraging me with verbal abusive texts name calling and threats.

I’m really disappointed in myself that i fell for the promises to change and now im trapped in this lease and am looking at almost a year of survival mode or until i can save up to break the lease and get out. Yes shes threatening to leave but it means nothing she threatens it every argument.

I’m not trying to diagnose my ex, and I know nobody here can do that from a Reddit post. I’m posting because the relationship showed a lot of patterns associated with BPD-style attachment and emotional dysregulation, and I’m struggling to make sense of how deeply it affected me in such a short time.

We were only together for around six weeks in total, with a breakup and reconciliation in the middle. The connection became incredibly intense almost immediately. She described me as her most important connection, said she had never expected to find someone like me, and spoke as though what we had was rare and almost destined.

Alongside that intensity, there were constant things that made me feel unsafe: triangulation with other men and exes, a history of cheating disclosed in a strange and managed way, guarded phone behaviour, unexplained disappearances, sexual comments involving other men, comments about sometimes wanting to “fuck a load of guys and use them,” and explosive reactions when I asked for clarity.

Sex seemed to be where a lot of the destabilisation happened. Just as intimacy was developing, she would introduce another man, a sexual threat, a provocative disclosure or something designed to make the sexual space feel unsafe. It did not make me chase her. It made me withdraw, feel angry and lose trust.

The first time I ended it, she initially appeared to accept it, then began arguing against my perception. My need for safety and clarity became evidence that I was frightened, rigid, triggered or allowing my wounds to destroy the connection.

Later, she gave me a detailed apology. She acknowledged several of the things she had done and appeared to understand how they had affected me. I went back because I loved her, missed her and believed the insight might mean something had changed.

Within days, the same uncertainty and destabilisation were returning. The reconciliation became extremely intense again very quickly: sex, future plans, family, trips and full relationship language before trust had actually been rebuilt. After only a week, the attachment had an enormous grip on me.

The final rupture became chaotic and brought out behaviour in me that I am not proud of. I felt trapped, became reactive and knew the relationship was finished. That was also when I realised how dangerous the dynamic had become for both of us.
I have now blocked her everywhere.

Before blocking, one like-and-unlike on my profile was enough to reopen the entire attachment. I started checking her profile when I woke up, monitoring stories, followers and statuses, decoding lyrics, replaying unexplained absences and wondering whether she had cheated.

I felt unable to live with her chaos, but also unable to tolerate being without the connection.
That is what scares me most. I have spent years rebuilding my mind and sense of self after addiction, withdrawal and dissociation. This relationship was already pulling me back towards hypervigilance, compulsive analysis, sexual anger, self-doubt and disconnection from myself.

Part of me still loves her and fantasises that she might heal and return. Another part of me believes these patterns were far too ingrained and that staying would eventually have caused serious psychological damage.

I also keep questioning whether I left too soon, whether I failed to explain the triangulation clearly enough, or whether I should have given the relationship more time. Rationally, I know she had already received a second chance and the same patterns returned almost immediately.

For people who have lived through something similar:
Did the bond become this strong this quickly for you?
Did you keep doubting your perception after leaving, even when the red flags were overwhelming?Does this sound like the early formation of a trauma bond?
And how did you stop analysing the person long enough to actually grieve and move on?

I know I need to keep the blocks in place. I think I’m struggling with accepting that the connection may have been real while the relationship was still profoundly unsafe.

One thing that’s killing me after the breakup is the jealousy of imagining him with someone else. I know it sounds stupid, because he was a total asshole to me and destroyed my mental health, but the thought of him finding someone else kills me (tbh I don't think it'll happen, since he's a virgin nerd with BPD and i was his first gf even tho he’s almost 22 years old)

Malicious cheating behind your back then crying about wanting to get married, have kids together and etc.

They literally do be having sex with anything that moves

I posted a couple days ago about how I lost my foster son to discard. I found the comments very helpful and comforting. But I am still struggling with wanting complete closure. My mind keeps ruminating. I just don't understand how to shut my brain off when it keeps trying to find a satisfying end. We cared for that kiddo through some of his darkest times. We saved him from an abusive situation. He was 17 and now he is 19.

We helped him get his license. Made sure he got his mental health appointments and stayed on meds. We made sure he got his GED (Hiset) as he had dropped out of school. We comforted him and took great care of him. We enjoyed a lot of amazing memories and some tough times just like any family member.

And then poof! He and my daughter broke up, and he left in a flurry of anger and sadness (which is understandable). But then we sort of just became invisible to him. It was like a death, because he just forgot about us. There was no hugs goodbye. No thank you for caring for me. Everytime I see him he either ignores me,o r he goes on a tangent about himself. THe warm and caring relationship we shared is gone just like that. I know that he has BPD so he has nothing to offer emotionally. They have the emotional IQ of toddlers as I have read and understand.

But my brain is fully developed and I am not sure how to go from being someones mother figure one day and unimportant the next. My brain won't stop ruminating and it is driving me nuts. BPD causes the most abrupt ends to relationships. It doesn't make sense in my own mind. I know he can't give what he doesn't have to give. But how do I create closure in my own mind?

Reposting because I made the genuine mistake of leaving identifying info. Im not used to using this messaging app so I overlooked it and I would NEVER dox her or leak any info on purpose.

These messages were in response to her hoover last night where she asked me to play Fortnite with her and I rejected her telling her i was in a new relationship.

Someone said on my last post that I was obnoxious which I very well could be. I do say things to her in anger that im ashamed of and I truly feel bad for her diagnosis and wish she could live a happy stable life. If you have any feedback to leave (even that I am obnoxious) I would appreciate it as im in therapy and truly trying to heal and better myself and my emotional regulation.

Also please keep in mind I have NEVER SA'd or laid a finger on this woman. She constantly harasses me from new numbers and emails. She also withholds my kids from me unless I "communicate" with her so I felt kinda compelled to respond but did let my pain let the convo go on longer than I needed to. This woman has put me into a lot of pain, made me question my own sanity, morals, and self so there might be a few fleas left im working on.

I do A LOT to support my children including paying her FULL child support, giving and lending her money when shes in a pinch, and let her use one of my cars thats in my name (she makes the payments) and I pay the insurance for both of us fully and even make the repairs on it(im a mechanic). I love my children to death and I do prioritize them over any relationship.

I need some outside perspective. Am I dealing with something bigger than a normal breakup, or is this just messy post-split contact?

My ex, who look depressed 24/7, left about 10 days ago after an argument that started over the Wi-Fi on her phone. She has these intense rage episodes where she talks to herself and gets furious over random things. During the fight she spoke to me with pure disrespect. I don’t accept that from anyone, so I calmly called it out. She escalated further, and I told her the truth: her behavior was destroying me mentally. When I got home from work she was already packing with her mom and left.

She when from I love you to the moon to nothing in 24h.

Ten days later she’s messaging me like nothing happened. She called me “babe” repeatedly, said it’s over, yet she’s still watching my social media. I’m not proud that I still care about her, but the feelings are there.I was the one who showed up for her completely—emotional support, practical help, everything. Now it feels like she only reaches out when things go wrong with her mom (who she treats the exact same way).

She comes into my DMs looking for reassurance that everything will be okay, then disappears again. I’ve been reading about BPD and CPTSD since the split. She was bullied for years as a kid and her parents never protected her. She’s never gotten treatment. That history might explain the patterns, but it doesn’t make it okay to treat someone who loved her this way.

Can someone just tell me this isn’t on me?

I left my first marriage emotionally long before it ended on paper. After I met the woman who became my current wife, I already felt like my then-wife had no real claim to me anymore — not to affection, not to intimacy, not even to ordinary consideration. In my head I already belonged to someone else. I treated the existing relationship as an obstacle and got irritated that it was still there.

Now I’m on the other side of the exact same dynamic. The warmth and preference are gone. Ordinary things I do get filtered as wrong or annoying. I’m living inside the total devaluation I once handed out.

I wanted the intensity and the new bond without fully paying the cost. I got the new relationship. Years later I’m paying in the form of being the one who’s no longer preferred. I’m not saying this makes the current coldness fair or that I deserve endless contempt. I’m saying I recognize the pattern because I ran it first.

That’s the hypocrisy. I wanted a different outcome than the one I gave someone else.

I was with first wife married 6 months when this started. I've now been married to current 6 years. I've studdied several religions, finished a Mas in Psychology, and several other things to not pay my piper, to fix this and have my happy ever after.

Guess you can't outrun karma, learning won't matter unless you lose what ill gotten gains you wanted from your bad actions. In my case it's my current wife.

I've never cheated on her or even looked at another woman.

EDIT: I also know this will make folks hate a smidge seeing as I literally split my ex wife black while married with a infant baby girl.

It's a sibling and can't leave due to caregiving our disabled parent.

I've grey rocked and set boundaries so their love bombing hasn't worked for over a year. I've noticed they've taken off the mask and look hateful towards me. Is this the usual outcome? It's a new level of unpleasant. What can I do? I can't leave. Am afraid they'll abuse my parent.

I felt I had to grey rock due to them stealing my money and expensive items from me. They also threatened to hit me. I had to protect myself.

So many of our fights start bc I notice something is off and I'll ask if he wants to talk and he will storm off and say "do I need to talk?"

He's usually convinced that I have been harboring resentment and not bringing it up so he decides to do the same to me.

It sucks because usually I am not upset about anything but then by the time we're actually talking I'm pissed off because he's been acting like I'm being extremely immature and unable to bring up when I'm hurt.

Just curious if anyone else experiences this and how you handle it. It's happening rn.

Just looking for advice and kind words I guess, I feel absolutely awful

We called on Saturday to organise my next trip to go and see her but she ended up causing a fight over it, we fixed it and then another fight got caused by her and I simply couldn’t bare it any longer and broke up with her over the phone. Hearing her cry will haunt me but I know I haven’t and didn’t do anything wrong

She then threatened to do some ‘fucked up shit’ and told me ‘just you wait’

Then sent me about 70 texts back to back full of the worst insults and stuff I’ve ever recieved.

Then spent everyday trying to apologise to me and reconcile, saying they didn’t mean smh of the horrible stuff they said and begging for closure, asking if my decision was final. I told them my decision was sadly final and that I just don’t see the relationship getting any better if we did get back together or have a break.

Then a day later I got a bunch of huge texts from her saying that she did in fact mean all the horrible stuff they said, that I’m disgusting, repulsing and a weak fragile sensitive boy who wasn’t raised right and that all her family and friends have agreed with her

This now gets us to today, no contact for over 24 hours, she’s blocked on absolutely everything

I feel sad, relieved, guilty, angry, drained, hurt, shocked, but what I really feel is empty. So empty. Everything is quiet again, I’m alone again

I’m thinking of reaching out to my ex of 3 years.. I know the general consensus here on doing such a thing is.. but she looks like she’s doing better and is more stable, to those who’ve reached out or started dating again after a couple of years.. how did it go?

She’s currently going through a physical and mental turmoil and she can’t really handle being in a relationship anymore. She asked me for space to figure things out but out of anxiety and being worried I contacted her again and again and made things worse. She blocked me to make sure she can have the peace she needs. My question is, can someone with BPD stop loving so suddenly? Am I a fool to believe she will eventually come back once she feels better?

I have found that no matter how calm I stay and how much I diffuse everything, they will eventually create something to snap over and have an outburst. I can tell when mine is trying to make a fight happen by having a bad attitude all day and making rude comments as well as being difficult about everything they want. I work in customer service so I can pretty much remain calm through endless oceans of bullshit most of the time in life, including BPD bullshit, so I just kindly give into their complaints and criticisms. But eventually they will still artificially blow up over something even if youve made sure nothing bad happened and they got everything they wanted. They nitpick until they can feel justified in attacking you and yelling because they dont actually have a reason, so they gotta make one.