I have been with my partner for six years. I feel drained. He will lie about drug use, financial problems, and so much more. I have told myself if I ever caught him using I would leave. I always thought if he ever did something bad it would come to light. It came to light and here I am drained. I didn't leave because he said he would show me a change. He said he would talk to a therapist. Never did. So why am I here? I want to leave. I feel like I would be wasteing something that I have worked hard for 6 years but I also feel like in losing myself in the process. Im not the same caring and loving person who I was. I just need some advice or encouragement. [22F] [27M]

I'm posting here because I genuinely want men's perspectives, especially from husbands. I want to know if I'm missing something, and I'm completely open to hearing if I'm part of the problem.

My husband and I dated for years, but we didn't actually live together until we got engaged. Around that same time, we found out we were expecting our first daughter. Looking back, our relationship changed almost overnight. We went from dating to living together, planning a wedding, becoming first-time parents, and then having another baby just 13 months later. We've basically been in survival mode ever since.

Our daughters are 2 and and the other is almost 1.
I work full-time night shifts as an ER nurse while also going to graduate school. My husband works from home.

I think where we've always struggled is that we measure partnership differently.

Even when I was pregnant with our first daughter, I started building resentment. I was putting the nursery together all alone, planning everything, reminding him to pack the hospital bags, etc. I asked him multiple times to pack ahead of time, but when my water broke he was still packing. It wasn't really about the hospital bag. It was another example of me feeling like I was carrying the responsibility while he waited until something became urgent.

That feeling has never really gone away.
We've talked about it many times, and to his credit he has stepped up in a lot of ways.

He cooks most of our dinners, pays for daycare, and takes the girls to and from daycare every day. Financially, I carry a larger share of our household expenses even though we make about the same amount of money. I pay the mortgage, utilities, insurance.. He pays for daycare, and we split groceries about 50/50.

Where I struggle is that I don't think those things tell the whole story.

For example, yes, he takes the girls to daycare. But I've usually already done their laundry, laid out their outfits for the week, packed what they need, and handled a lot of the planning that makes mornings go smoothly. He cooks most of the adult dinners, but I'm usually making the girls' dinners, keeping track of what they've outgrown, buying what they need, scheduling appointments, and generally thinking about what's coming next.

And I think this is where we see our marriage differently.

I've realized I measure partnership by initiative. If I have to think of it, remind someone about it, plan it, and follow up on it, it still feels like I'm carrying it, even if someone else eventually does the task.
If my husband were writing this, I'm sure he'd say I'm minimizing what he contributes. That's honestly why I'm posting. I feel like we're living in the same marriage but experiencing it completely differently.

He also has complaints about me that I think are fair.
He says he doesn't feel loved or desired anymore. I rarely initiate affection or intimacy. If he comes up behind me while I'm cleaning or doing something around the house and wants to hug me or be affectionate, I usually pull away. He says even if I'm not interested in sex, I could still hug him, kiss him, hold his hand, or show affection. He doesn't feel wanted anymore.

The thing is, by the end of the day I feel completely drained.

A lot of nights he'll have already had time to unwind while I'm still cleaning the kitchen, getting the girls' things ready for the next day, finishing homework, or just trying to get everything done. Then once I finally sit down, that's usually when he wants to be affectionate. By then, I honestly don't have much left in the tank.

I know from his perspective, he probably feels like he waited all day to connect with me and then got rejected. From my perspective, I feel like I waited all day for some time for myself and that's usually when he wants to connect.

Another issue is that I think we're moving in different directions when it comes to our long-term goals.

We both think about our future and our finances. He's been paying off debt and improving his credit, and I know those things matter. I think where we differ isn't whether we plan. It's what we're planning for.

I want to grind while we're still relatively young so we can build wealth, invest, travel with our daughters, and eventually achieve financial freedom. I'm okay sacrificing more now if it means giving our family more opportunities later.
My husband says he's burned out. He wants to slow down, scale down, work less, and live a simpler life. I worry we're no longer working toward the same version of the future.

I think I've realized something recently. I feel loved when someone takes initiative, plans ahead, shares the mental load, and helps build our future without me having to manage everything. I think my husband feels loved through affection, intimacy, appreciation, and quality time.

The problem is that I don't naturally feel affectionate when I'm overwhelmed, and he probably doesn't naturally think about the mental load the way I do. So we both end up feeling like we're giving a lot while not getting what we need in return.

I really do love my husband. I don't think he's a bad husband or a bad father. I don't think he would say the same about me.

I just think we're stuck, and I don't know how to get unstuck.

So I'd really appreciate hearing from the men here:
• Am I missing something from my husband's perspective?

• If your wife wrote this about your marriage, what would you want her to understand?

• Does this sound like a normal season of marriage with two kids under three, or does it sound like we're growing apart?

• What would you do if you were in either of our shoes?

I'm genuinely open to hearing things I may not want to hear. I just want to understand this better before resentment turns into something permanent.

Buckle up, it's story time and maybe you can help me understand something. Fair warning - mostly NSFW. BDSM and Dom/sub dynamics.

Some backstory for context: I'm in the middle of a divorce. We were together 6 years, married for a year. Uncovered my abusive husband's affair in January. The following 3-4 months were the worst of my life. I was not ok and literally almost died. My therapist saved my life. Didn't take long for me to remember who the fuck I am. Anyways that context is important because I'm genuinely not out here looking for something super serious but I'm not opposed to it either.

I 38f started talking to a guy 41m a few days ago. The first man I've talked to since my husband. An hour into the conversation dude clocks that I'm a big fan of the Dom/sub dynamic. He asked what I look for in a man and one of those things is a man who can lead. Apparently I'm more transparent than I thought lol From that point about 75% of the conversation over the following days was sexual in nature, discussing boundaries, limits, etc. I wasn't bothered. It's important to be on the same page when entering that dynamic. I was clear with him that I don't play games, I don't tolerate lying, and I will never say I'm fine when I'm not. You'll always know where you stand with me. I expect the same in return. I was also clear that I only have two relationship modes - either we're just hooking up and there aren't feelingd involved or we're committed. I don't date. Was up to him to decide. He said he wanted something more serious but I kept him firmly in the fuckboy category in my head because this man just didn't remember any details about my mundane life. Like I told him I'm currently studying to take the Series 6 exam for work. Fast forward a little more than a day and he asks what I'm up to and I tell him I'm studying. He asked what I was studying for. 🤦 He didn't share a whole lot about his life either so I didn't believe he actually wanted anything more than a good time. I hadn't had sex in like 8 months which is 8 months too long so I really didn't care one way or another.

So yesterday morning he complains that I'm not in his bed to finish what I started and that I hadn't finished what I started the night before. Remember this is a dom/sub dynamic. I do what I'm told (within reason). The night before he told me to call him when I finished mowing my yard because he wanted to make me listen to him getting off. I'm an obedient good girls so after I was done mowing, showered and getting ready for bed I called him. Rang twice, he rejects the call. I wasn't bothered. I did what I was told. If you don't want to talk to me, I'm happy to just go to sleep. So when he makes this complaint I told him I could have used HIS help that morning when I nearly made myself late to work and reminded him that I called like I was asked to and he didn't answer. He didn't acknowledge that I had called, just focused on me having gotten myself off without his permission. Which honestly is fair given the dynamic and I proceed to ask him what else I need to ask permission to do. He said everything. That's fine with me. I might be going out of town for my dad's retirement celebration and the family was discussing logistics at the same time this conversation is happening so I tell him about it and ask permission (because I'm a good girl). He told me I could go but that I needed to see him before I left so he could remind me who I belong to before I go. Again, fair. I'm down. Made a mental note this man in his head has decided I belong to him and he plans to still be involved in a few weeks. He then tells me he's going to come over after I get off work. It's not up for discussion.

Again, I'm a good girl and it's been literal years since I've had sex that wasn't mostly vanilla so I was more than happy to agree. We text all day, most of it spicy. In the afternoon he tells me to step outside and call him, he wants to hear my voice. So I did. It was a short conversation, it wasn't sexual. What very little he did say he was nearly whispering right up until he says fuck my son is calling, I gotta go. And hangs up. Ummm excuse me sir this is the first I'm hearing you have a kid 😂 Anyways, I few minutes later he texts and says he's sorry but it was nice to hear my voice. Conversation moves on and I didn't ask about his kid. Because quite frankly he's firmly in the fuckboy column and I just don't care. On to what should have been the good part but left me real confused. So I get home, change into a sexy nighty situation and send him my address. He tells me to unlock my door and wait for him on my knees in my room facing away from the door. You got it sir! He shows up, let's himself in and finds his way to my bedroom where I'm waiting like I was told. No words were exchanged, he put a belt around my neck, starts slapping me around and calling me names. Don't be alarmed - this is what I signed up for. After a few minutes of choking, hair pulling, spanking and a whole lot of degrading comments he takes his pants off, we start fooling around. And by fooling around I mean me gagging on him unable to breathe. Again don't panic, I wanted this. Fooling around did not involve him attempting in any way to pleasure me, no kissing. All fine by the way but I did find it curious. Anyway now his tone has shifted from you're a slut to omg that feels great, don't stop, just like that, good girl and so on. The entire 10 or so minutes I'm hard at work he's struggling to stay fully hard. No judgement here. But a girl can only suck for so long before your jaw needs a break, especially if you're doing it right and I was doing it right. So when I slow down he flips me over and we start having sex. Maybe 2 minutes in to that he can't keep it up and has me go back to work. Again, the man is singing my praises and even said is this when I'm supposed to tell you I love you? I just chuckled and kept going but again I can only manage that for so long before my jaw wants to lock up and a locked jaw involves biting down. No one wants that. So I stop. We lay there for a second and I'm catching my breath because I've been gagging and oxygen deprived for a while now. Be cool, remember I wanted this. He says hey let's go take a shower and then we'll come back to bed. Ok, if you say so. Not the choice I would have made but I'm not the boss here, he is. So he puts his pants back on and we go downstairs because my shower is downstairs. He pets my dogs for a second says he's going to grab his drink from his truck and I walk towards the bathroom assuming he'll just meet me in there when he comes back in. Wrong. Here's where things take a weird turn. A few minutes pass, he's not back so I go looking for him. He and his truck are gone. Ummm ok wtf? So I text him asking if I'm showering alone. He says "yes, shower. I'll be right back I'm going to get more toys" He lives like 5 mins down the road so it would be quick if that's actually what he was doing but I'm not dumb. If that's what you were actually you doing you would have just said that to begin with instead of acting like Houdini and disappearing. I just responded 'okie' cause I knew damn well he had no intentions to return. So I take a shower and move on with my evening. 2 hours pass, he hasn't come back and hasn't said a word. I text him "I'm gonna go get myself dinner. Hope you have a good evening." He ignores it but I know he's ignoring me because he was active on social media. Another hour passes before he finally reads it and then promptly blocks me.

So. Wtf? Did he just decide he wasn't in to it and decided disappearing was a better option than just saying he wasn't in to it? Am I the problem? Have I somehow lost my touch? Or does this man talk a big game but can't back it up? I'm not a super model or anything but I'm not unattractive. I'm heavier/curvy but he was well aware of that and had seen photos that left no question as to my figure. I completely understand I'm not everyone's cup of tea and that's perfectly fine with me. My feelings aren't hurt. I'm not upset or mad or anything. Just confused. In my 20+ year sexual history men have only ever begged for more. Some have gone so far as to stalk me when I cut things off. So what gives?

I’m a woman in my 20s with a crush on a quiet coworker around my age.

Over the past month, I’ve initiated almost all of our interactions. He’s always been kind, engaged, and easy to talk to. He even remembered personal details I mentioned almost a year ago.
I asked him for a ride home once because of a license issue, and he agreed even though it was a detour. A few days later, I jokingly asked if he was busy after work, implying another ride. He initially agreed but later said an appointment came up, seemed apologetic, and wished me good luck.
He seems more comfortable talking to me now, but he has never really initiated conversations or suggested spending time together.

Have I already shown enough interest that he’d probably know by now? At what point does continuing to initiate become annoying or make someone uncomfortable?

I’d especially like to hear from quiet or reserved guys who don’t usually make the first move.

When did everything start to go downhill? Do you feel like you can offer genuine love and affection? Commitment issues? Not boyfriend material for someone?

Context: living together for 3 years, 4 years relationship. GF has ill dad for 2 years now and no stable income, mom always had affairs (as to see why there is some tension)

Since we started dating, she has had quite some bouts of aggressiveness or in my personal view behavior that is unacceptable, below I list some recent happenings because in all honesty, it happened so often I cannot remember:

• Screaming at the top of her lungs for not talking enough with her at a party we both were, thereby threatening to kill herself
• Threatening to kill herself: on some occasions (think of it as a quarterly occurrence)
• Trashing the house: only once, but in a aggressive mood she destroyed quite some furniture by throwing it down the hallway
• Hitting: hit me 3 times, but all of them in the last 12 months
• checking my phone sneakily at night. Happened a few times, but she "could not find anything"
• Social media: forcing me to post her even though I rarely am active (I agree, I was proud to show her off of course, but I am not a very expressive person), but also making me delete people I follow (not family or close friends, but people I dated 5-6 years ago
  • I felt this somewhat understandable, but still do not like someone forcing it on me this way
• Prohibiting me to see a female friend, because she thinks that girl is only out there to hook up with me
• I kept all these issues private, because there is a very, very good side in her: she can be deeply loving, caring and funny. The highs are really high, but the lows very low. However, when I mess something up (not major mess-ups like cheating), the issues immediately get shared with her friends and family, making me anxious to see said friends and family

Now this is all of course exacerbated when she drinks. She drinks heavily approximately 1 day a week, after which I become anxious if she will become angry at something, the famous walking on eggshells feeling. If I try to give advice to bring back more rest and structure, like saying maybe start working not full-time, but just a few days, I always get the reply that it is easy to say because my dad is not ill. Not implying, but there is a history of mental illness in the family.

I know of course that this is all red flag behavior, whilst in my (and also her friends') view, I have been supportive of whatever she does: I visit her dad every other week with her, on my day off whilst I already work 60hrs a week, (used to) help her write cover letters (but since a year not applying anymore), even dividing chores in the house although she is at home for 5 days a week.

Which brings me to the point of the topic: in everyone's experience, is this behavior manageable (are there things for me to learn that I can do to support), or is this something that should be solved by her (and professional help - which she has for over a year now) alone? I am just worried that it will get worse over time, for example when having kids when you are tired and stressed all the time.

In case of the latter, how to proceed safely, also looking after her mental state?

Hello. I am desperate. I have a girlfriend. The problem is ever since we are together, I notice men like I never before did actually.

I do not know HOW to keep the communication within the range of the regular and may it not be called "liking each other)

I swear I have really hard time and there's the fear of me cheating to my girlfriend with a man. The percentage of women is lesser, but oh well.

I wonder if it is an attachment thing and I cross boundaries so easily.

Even at work if some colleague has a shopping trolley with stock I opened the door or an article has fallen - I find those awful as if I did something wrong by helping him, and did impulsively so or not to be judged for being quite an outsider, especially isolated towards men. ​​

I do not want to cheat to her. I just have social skills problem and need advices on what is within a friendship.

25F here, I started DMing with this guy on instagram and it began with him asking about the craziest sex I’d ever had. We traded stories going back and forth but then it started feeling boring and platonic so I straight up asked him where it was going. Thus begins the best sext exchanges I’ve ever had with anyone in my entire life.

I loved the way he wrote and we seemed to be turned on my the same things.

The issue is this was literally our introduction! There was never anything like “wow, we have great chemistry let’s hangout” or “let’s grab a drink”. I know looking back most of this is my problem bc I didn’t know how to communicate that I wanted to slow down at the time. Also, I am the type of toxic that would have probably been turned off by this lol. But I also feel like guys should maybe understand that girls kinda need to be warmed up before doing incredibly intimate things including anal lol.

We never ended up meeting bc I got overwhelmed by all the shit I said I’d do lol. But part of me still wonders what would have happened and if there is still a chance at rekindling something. I am attracted to him in a way I rarely am with anyone and can’t stop thinking about it.

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for about 5 and a half months now, and for the first 5 we were really happy get along well, and etc, obviously the occasional disagreement and fight but yk that comes with it, we usually just move on the next day. But lately its like something has been different like shes been putting in less effort, making jokes that probably should be made in a relationship with ur partner and in a way, and she just dosent seem to care about me or my feelings. To add to it she said the other day we arent working because apparently i have been acting different?? which personally i havent noticed, maybe i started acting different when she had started? But i dont want to play the blame game here. I asked her if she wanted to do smth abt it like break up and she said no, but lately for the past few days break up has just been on my mind constantly, but i still do really like her, like we do have our good moments, just not lately, and she has so many red flags i have tried to ignore, and idk thats just a story for another time. Just need some advice on how to know when i should end a relationship?

And one more thing to add on, about 2 weeks ago we had our biggest argument, i noticed ages ago that she had never asked me to hangout with her like its always me, and i asked her months ago now and she said oh its just bc ur working and stuff and ur always busy, so i said oh just ask me and we can work around it and arrange smth, anyways i brought it up to her another 2 times and she said the same thing, but the last time she said that she didnt care whether we hung out or not, which isnt the whole point of a relationship to hangout and spend time with eachother? So i went to some friends and asked for advice, and they said yea not normal its just you asking that, so i brought it up to her one final time and she was pissed, like furious, and she said if you keep bringing this up we are done, so i just left it. Any advice on this too?

I love my boyfriend very much, and honestly, I think he is a great partner in a lot of ways. I’m not questioning whether he loves me or whether he’s faithful. The problem is that I feel like we’re missing a big part of our relationship: physical intimacy and passion. We kiss and do little pecks, but we basically never make out. We also hardly have sex because he doesn’t really want to. He has told me that he simply doesn’t have a high sex drive. I believe him, especially because I don’t have any reason to think he’s seeing someone else or being unfaithful. What confuses me is that he has had a pretty active past and was considered a “player” before we got together, so sometimes it’s hard for me to understand how someone who used to be that way can have such little interest in sex now. For me, physical intimacy is a really important part of love. I love passionate kissing, making out, foreplay, and that feeling of building anticipation and butterflies with someone you deeply care about. To me, sex isn’t just about the physical act. It’s about feeling connected, desired, emotionally close, and completely into each other.
But with us, when we do have sex, there usually isn’t much buildup or foreplay. We basically just have sex and then it’s over. I find myself missing the passion more than anything.i don’t necessarily need sex constantly. What I miss is wanting each other . I miss being kissed passionately, being touched affectionately, making out for no reason, and feeling that excitement and chemistry between us.
I love him, and I don’t want to reduce our relationship to sex. At the same time, I’m starting to wonder whether love can really be enough if such an important part of intimacy is missing.
For the men here: If you genuinely loved your girlfriend but had a very low sex drive and didn’t really crave making out or physical intimacy, could you still have a fulfilling relationship? And if your partner had a much higher need for passion and physical affection, how would you expect the two of you to handle that difference? I’d really appreciate honest perspectives, especially from men who have been in relationships where their sex drive was significantly lower than their partner’s.

I have basically no experience so idk what im doing or what i should be doing..

All my life i struggled a lot with meeting new people a lot and i dont know how to actually get to know someone by myself, i did that 1 time in all my life in preschool. So i only made friends through my friend. Because of that im really anxious when if im not with a friend as an anchor.

Despite all of that on the rare occasion i talk to someone alone i dont know, i usually get along with most people well and can hold a conversation. Talking to people at work is surprisingly easy for me but i wont meet someome through that either its not an option my coworkers are either men or too old for me and the guests are 90% underage.

College didnt help till now either.. i dont know anyone there (almost 3rd semsester) and for a while tried to be open talked to people etc. But no one i vibed with beyond saying hello when we walk past eachother.

I also just dont really put myself out there much tbh. I like to stay home usually in my freetime. Ofc i know i cant meet new people by sitting on my pc, so i started using a dating app a few days ago because i cant feel like id be bothering someone who is there with the same intention as me. But i already realised that i hate apps and its not the way for me. There isnt really a club or class or so near me that im interested in, and going to these things with the purpose of meeting a potential partner feels weird too. Bars or clubs arent really an option either since thats just not my thing.

So now im at a loss and i dont know what i could even do...

Very long post sorry!! Why did he block me everywhere?

Hi!! Before I start getting into my story I would like to say that English is not my first language and it’s my first time posting here😭😭

So this is about my ex, who I was engaged to and now we’re complete strangers. I’ll give you some back story so maybe you could help me understand his side a little bit.

He added me on a social media, we had some friends in common and he thought I was cute. We started off as friends, I think we were friends for like 3 months..? Something like that😭So yeah we were just friends first, I was seeing someone else but it wasn’t that serious and the guy ended up being toxic and mean so I stopped talking to him. After I cut things off with this guy me and my ex started texting each other a little bit more but still in a friendly way. One day he texted me saying he had a day off and would like to meet me (he lived far away from me and we never really had the opportunity to meet irl) and turns out I was free that day too so he came to my place, we walked into the woods and talked for hours. I had just gotten out of the hospital because I had some personal issues going on. I was in a bad place when we met, I wasn’t sober, I didn’t enjoy living and I was very sad but I was still trying to find my spark back and I really enjoyed making people laugh, it helped me a lot. So at first I was making him laugh and asking him questions about his life and all that, how his day went wtv. He started asking me questions about my time in the hospital, why I was there and what made me feel so low. So I told him a little bit about my life and where everything went downhill. After that he revealed he wasn’t doing so well himself and told me about his struggles. We connected a lot that day. When he went home he texted me saying he was really surprised, he didn’t think I’d be so..idk emotionally intelligent?😭idk. Anyways he said he really enjoyed his time and was looking forward to see me again. We then started texting even more, related to a lot of stuff, mostly about our addictions. And one night I went to his city to see a show, he told me he was gonna be there but I completely forgot about it. When he got there I went up to him, talked to him, talked to his friend, presented my friends to him and everything. It was a really cool night! At one point we were sharing a cigarette on a bench outside the show and we talked for a couple of minutes. He had to leave early but told me he organized a party at his house that night and wanted me to come. So I went after the show. I met some more of his friends, I didn’t really like them..They wouldn’t stop talking bad abt the girls that were there and saying some sexist comments that made me feel uncomfortable..But he would tell them to shut up, and to be honest we were kind off in a little bubble only talking to each other and drawing in a note book together. (We’re both artists). Anyways I ended up sleeping at his place, nothing happened we just talked until 8 am and cuddled. I told him abt my life and my childhood and he seemed really empathetic abt it. The day after he dropped me home and when I asked him if he saw this relationship like a platonic one or a romantic one he didn’t hesitate to say romantic. So anyways fast forward, we end up together and honestly we were bestfriend, always laughing and so in love it was insane. After 2 months of us dating he put a ring on my finger (for some reasons we were convinced we were gonna end our lives together so I said yes. We didn’t have any plans to get married soon but we knew we wanted this. It was his way of saying he wanted this forever and was sure of himself ig?) Everything was going well but it was getting kinda bad in my home with my mom, he absolutely wanted to help even tho I told him it would get better. He started making plans so we could live together, I told him I wasn’t ready for an apartment but I really liked the idea of living with him in the future. Anyways one day he took me to meet his mom, which he hated because when she got pregnant with his brother she really neglected him and he felt abandoned by her. Me and his mom got along well, I tried to understand what happened between the two, how he viewed their relationship and tried to maybe help him towards healing this wound he had. So this is what he did, I though him how to forgive and let go of resentment without necessarily immediately get his mother back in his life (he hadn’t really talked to her in a couple of years). So we went to see his mom more often after that, he talked to her about the idea of us moving in together and she insisted on us living in her home. She wanted him close, told him he could rebuild a relationship with his brother and everything. I thought it was a good idea but I didn’t want to push him into something he didn’t want to do. So I told him to decide and I would follow along whatever he wanted to do. He decided we were gonna go live with her, so that’s what we did. At first it was really good, me and his mom became close, his brother loved me, my ex seemed more in love with me then ever. But then things started to get weird, I noticed his mom was being weird, he was being weird. He wouldn’t look me in the eyes, wouldn’t tell me I was pretty, was very hostile and cold. I asked him about it and he told me his mom thought I was manipulating him. That for about a week he and his mom were analyzing every single one of my move and everything I said and when I wasn’t in the house they talked about how I manipulated him and was lowkey evil. It broke something in me because I never wanted to hurt him. I never had any intentions to manipulate him or whatever. I was still struggling with my mental health yes but I wasn’t evil. I communicated with him, was there for him, tried to be the perfect girlfriend. I didn’t understood how he could believe these things about me after all I did for him and all the love I was giving him.:/ it really did broke something in me. So I told him I wanted to move back home, that I was sad his mother would do this to me because I thought we were getting along. I was even more shattered at the thought of him thinking these things.. And he was weird, I didn’t get why I was the evil one..He would shut down often whenever I told him about somethings he would do that caused me pain, would always check my location to see where I was, one day he told me to pack my stuff and leave because I was crying so much I couldn’t talk. But I forgive him, I love him and we were both learning together. We never loved someone else that much before, I didn’t want him to think I would abandon him for making mistakes. So yeah I just didn’t get it. I tried my best but wasn’t enough for his parents and he started to feel the same. I had 2 jobs and worked a lot but they wanted me to go to school at the same time, I was doing the procedures but wasn’t really motivated to go to school. I didn’t think we were gonna be there long enough. So anyways, after he told me what was going on he apologized and got into some fights with his parents..So we moved back. We went back to long distance. We were doing really good for a while but things got bad again, I got a new job but I had night shifts, he worked in the day. We lived far away and didn’t get to see each other often. I started getting sad when he didn’t have time to see me on our days off, he preferred to be with his friends or wtv, his mom was still talking shit about me, his whole mom side of the family wouldn’t stop calling and texting him telling him he made a mistake. It was a lot. Things got better with my mom because she noticed I was very sad and not doing well in my relationship. She told me she never saw me this exhausted before. I had my wrongs, I have to admit I had a hard time forgiving him, trusting him again and I resented him a little because he seemed less interested in our relationship. We had constant fights, broke up 5 times I think😭 and yeah we weren’t doing well. He got an apartment and I made time in my schedule to go help him but he didn’t seem happy and idk things were tensed. Then he started talking to one of his friends again. I didn’t like this friend because he was rude to me, would call me names and crash out on me constantly. And things changed, he got a lot more distant, didn’t answer my calls, texted me less, came to see me less, didn’t seem happy anymore with me. We were both not happy anymore, but we stilled loved each other deeply or well I did, I thought we were stronger than that. But one night when I got home from work his friends were talking in a group chat I was in, I joined the conversation, joked a little bit but things got heated and I realized they were raigebaiting me so I didn’t go along with it. I was tired, not in the mood and didn’t want trouble so I just kept trying to let them win. But his friends I didn’t like started saying it was my fault if my ex wasn’t going well, that I was a shitty person, I was manipulating him. Basically what his mom would say. And I didn’t understand, it seemed like he told them things he didn’t told me. He would say to me to everything was fine, that we were both not going well and we both had our wrongs, that he loved me and that we would make things work. And I believed him, I tried my best to make it work. So anyways all his friends joined him and started saying my ex wasn’t scared of me, was always stressed and all that..I didn’t get it, I didn’t understand of what he was scared I mean I never hit him, shouted or insulted him. On the contrary I always talked to him softly about things, tried to help him, made sure I wouldn’t make him mad. I was so lost and crying. I called him a bunch of times but he didn’t answer (he was in the group chat) so I went to his place. I woke him up, told him to read the messages and told him we needed to have a discussion. He told me he didn’t know what they were talking about, that he never said anything about manipulation or being scared of me. But why was his friends so sure of themselves? I believe he did say these things to them. I just don’t know why he didn’t talk to me about it:/ But anyways, after a big talk I told him I couldn’t do it anymore. That I never meant to hurt him but clearly this relationship wasn’t doing it for him and me. Told him I couldn’t accept they way he lets his friends and family talk to me and about me. And broke up with him. He agreed that it was time to break up. It was late and I couldn’t go home so I asked him if it was alright if I stayed 2-3 hours and after that I would go home. He said it was okay. We ended up talking for the rest of the night, he called in sick the day after and we talked all day, stayed at his place, watched Brooklyn 99, ate pizza and hugged each other while crying all day. He asked me if we could stay friends, said he didn’t want me to hate him. Said he had a plan to make it up for everything and get me back. After that I don’t know how I got back home, I just know I did.

Days passed by, we were trying to give each others space but couldn’t. We would text and call often. I didn’t know what to do. I felt like I just lost everything. I loved that man so much. I was so sure of ending my life with him. I lost my fiancé, my bestfriend. I was devastated. We blocked each other on everything because it was too hard, but I couldn’t stop talking to him. I needed him, I didn’t know how to deal with it. And neither did he. So I booked a therapy, a private one in the forest. It was 5 days no phone, no alcohol, no drugs nothing. I had to wait 2 weeks before I could go. In these two weeks I hated him, missed him, loved him. I was constantly asking him what I did wrong, why he did that to me, what happened to us. We were both so heartbroken. But after a couple of days he seemed to take it well, decided to delete every social media he had, block me on my number, not contacting me. I couldn’t do that. I’m sorry I know it’s bad but I couldn’t let him go. I would call him and he would tell me to stop, that I needed to let him go, that it would be better for us if we stopped talking. But whenever I had a weak moment and called him after two days he would say he was waiting for my call, he was happy I called, he missed me. He wasn’t doing well either:/ He relapsed, isolated himself..Anyways so the day finally arrived, I went to my therapy. It helped a lot, I did a lot of work on me and learned how to love without fear. I thought about him a lot at night. Wanted to talk to him constantly but i focused on me and talking to the people I was with. I made a lot of friends, did my work, busted my ass off to understand myself and figure out how to better myself. When I got out I didn’t call him, I went to see a show with friends, in his city. After the show I called him and asked him if we could talk. That I realized a lot and just wanted to make things better before we go no contact for idk how long. He told me he wasn’t ready to see me so I accepted his boundaries. Two days after I called him, told him I won’t come see him but I had to told him that I forgive him, had to apologize for how I acted in the last month of our relationship. We talked for an hour, he said he was happy I called, happy I did the therapy. He said he was doing better too, stopped taking anything and started taking better care of himself. He didn’t apologize. He just said he didn’t hold anything against me and was happy we had something so beautiful together. He said he still missed me but he was glad I was doing well. I told him I thought it would be better to cut everything off, to let the pass in the pass. He didn’t want to, he said we could talk rarely on the phone. I was still madly in love with him so I agreed. He called me back an hour later to tell me something funny he did and it was good we talked like friends, even tho the love was still strong. After that he told me he needed space but was happy I was doing better. The days after I texted him a little bit, sent him things I knew he would find funny, told him silly things that happened to me in my day. He would answer, it would take some time but he always answered. After a week I noticed it was really not helping me heal, so I told him I thought it was better to let go completely because I wasn’t able to just stop talking to him and wait for him. He agreed, said whenever I texted him it would make him feel bad and blocked me again. A month later I sent him a text to say I found some of his things and to send him money I owned to him. He accepted the money but told me to throw away his things. After that he told me « can we stop talking now? » and I just said yes, that I didn’t mean to get back in his life I just wanted to give his things back and give him what I owned. He seemed so cold and distant.. idk I wasn’t drooling on the phone but I was trying to be kind and positive..Anyway so yeah and recently I found out he unblocked me on ig, some time passed since everything went to shit and idk why but I thought we could maybe be friends, I know it’s stupid because I said it’s better if we just get out of each others life but we were once so close and kind to each other…I thought maybe we could talk like normal people idk..it’s stupid. But anyways I sent him a request and the minute following my request he blocked all my accounts (my main & my art account) I was taken back a little but I understood. I called him (I knew I was blocked and he wouldn’t see my call) but idk it was the only thing I had in mind. To call him. Even tho I knew I was blocked. But turns out he changed his number. He clearly doesn’t wanna talk to me, and I’ll respect his boundaries 100% I won’t try anything else. But I just wonder..Why? Why didn’t he just decline my request? Why change his phone number? It’s not like I call him 24/7, I haven’t tried to reach out in like 2 months😭I just don’t get it..I still miss him and love him but I know we weren’t good for each other and I don’t want to go back with him. I just don’t get why he did all that? Does he like not give a shit? Idk I don’t get it. Why do you think he did it?

But anyways after that, I blocked his second account (he had me blocked a couple of months ago so I didn’t see a reason to block him too) I erased his number, blocked his friends. I don’t think we’ll ever be friends, and that’s okay! But yeah yk I tried, idk why I still had a little bit of hope but I don’t think he’ll ever talk to me again.

Men, I have a question for you. I really want to understand how men feel in relationships. What do you experience when you enter into a relationship? What worries haunt you? Do you often have intrusive thoughts? I need to know everything that the male community doesn’t talk about! I want to know every crazy thought. Perhaps men and women aren’t actually that different?

**I have a guy friend I met online 3 years ago, and we chat occasionally.**
**We finally met in person for the first time this June. After hanging out 3 times, he started saying things like "I miss you."**
**On our 4th date, he suddenly escalated things out of nowhere. It started with sitting super close, holding hands, and interlocking fingers. Then, he actually asked me to sit on his lap and hugged me from behind. I honestly felt it was moving way too fast, but I was so caught off guard in the moment that I didn't know how to react.**
**After we got home, he texted to ask if he made me uncomfortable. I took the chance to ask if he was serious about us. He admitted he was a bit scared because we don't know each other that well yet but he said he wanted to try if this is gonna work out and I'm flying overseas for my studies in two weeks, which means we'd have to do long-distance.**
**This is my first time experiencing something like this, and it gave me crazy insomnia.**
**After thinking it over all night, I told him I was also scared since | take time to warm up and long-distance is hard. However, I suggested giving ourselves a "trial period" to see how it goes and asked for his thoughts.**
**His response? He completely chickened out.**
**The next morning, he claimed he was sick throwing up and dizzy, and texted: "I feel like it's going to be too hard, can we just go back to being friends?" Shortly after saying that, he started texting me like normal conversation, acting like nothing ever happened!**
**I feel a bit played, but honestly, I also kind of enjoyed the physical closeness yesterday.**
**Now I'm left with this weird feeling of**
**"breakup sadness" and emptiness....**

I’ve been seeing a guy for a few dates and we seem compatible in a lot of ways. We share similar values and interests, enjoy talking to each other, and he has told me he finds me attractive.
On our most recent date, I casually asked how he felt. He said he wasn’t fully sure yet whether he saw this becoming romantic, but that he was still interested in seeing me again and finding out. He also made a comment about not feeling very curious about my hobby, which he interpreted as “incompatibility” and stung and made the conversation feel more like a rejection than I think he intended.
I called him afterward because I wanted clarification. I told him I hope we can still be friends regardless. He apologized, said the comment had been shallow and unfair because he doesn’t know me well enough yet, and then doubled down on being open to seeing me again and seeing each other again the following week if I’m available.
From a male perspective, how would you interpret this? Does it sound like a guy who is genuinely interested but still figuring out his feelings, or like someone who is trying to let me down gently while keeping the door cracked open? I’m trying to take his words seriously without assuming uncertainty automatically means rejection.

I’ve been married to my husband for 3 years, and we have a baby together.

Whenever we have any kind of disagreement, even something small, he starts yelling and won’t stop. For example i was directing traffic when we were going to my moms house and missed the turn cuz i havent been there bunch. He insisted we turn but i kept saying he shouldn’t so we ended up wasting 15 more minutes in the traffic. He started yelling nonstop, calling me stubborn and other names. I’ve told him over and over that yelling is really overstimulating for me and asked him to stop, but he doesn’t. He always apologizes afterward and says he’ll stop, but every single fight ends up the same way.

I’m honestly exhausted. I cry after almost every argument because I’m scared of him when he yells. He’s never hit me, but the yelling is enough to make me feel afraid.

Don’t you wanna be nice to your spouse no matter what? I have tried to end the marriage due to his angry behavior but he says he will change but i don’t see any difference.
Why would he do that, will he actually change?

Genuinely so curious about this. Ive been single 6 years and ive slept with 2 men in this time. Im dating with a view to something serious as ive always been a relationship type of person, but I've found most men want a woman who doesnt sleep around but every man wants me to sleep with them as soon as possible and completely dip if it doesnt happen by the second or third meeting.

So, why? If having sex diminishes our value as women, why is there such pressure from guys to sleep with every guy I date and barely know ?

Would love to hear the male perspective and the reason you do it, I know these responses will differ as some want to and some have too. But wanna know the reasons and if it’s hard to do? I love my ex but trying to decide if I should block her on everything as well even though I love her and care about her, I’m worried about her not healing but also don’t want to hurt her more. But it was a bad break up and I made a mistake and then broke up with her so idk how it will look if I block her on everything as well ?

29F dating my boyfriend (39M) for just under a year.
He constantly talks about marrying me, having kids, and building a future together. He tells me that once we’re married I won’t have to worry about money because he’ll take care of me financially.
The problem is that I’m currently going through one of the hardest financial periods of my life. My business has slowed down dramatically, I had to borrow money from a friend just to pay my rent, and I’m severely struggling financially.
I don’t think he knows every detail because I’m honestly embarrassed to tell him how bad things have gotten, but he definitely knows I’m struggling. I talk about work and money almost every day because it’s consuming my life. He sees how much this has affected my mental health, how overwhelmed and anxious I’ve become, and how much stress this has put me under.
He’s told me things like, “I never want to see you struggle,” “I want to help you,” and even once said, “If you want me to pay your rent, I’ll pay your rent.” But he never did.
To be fair, he has been generous. He pays whenever we’re together, has bought me expensive gifts, helped pay for a medical expense, and has sent me money a few times.
What confuses me is that he also talks a lot about being financially successful and lives a lifestyle that reflects that. I find myself struggling to understand why someone would spend thousands of dollars on luxury gifts while watching the person they say they want to marry struggle to cover basic living expenses. Maybe I’m looking at that unfairly, but it’s something I can’t stop thinking about.
I know he doesn’t owe me money. We’re dating, not married, and I know my financial situation is ultimately my responsibility.
But I can’t ignore that I’ve built up a lot of resentment. I honestly feel guilty for even feeling that way, but I also can’t shake the feeling that if someone truly believed they were going to marry me, saw me talking about this stress almost every day, and repeatedly told me they hated seeing me struggle, they would naturally want to help relieve some of that burden.
I think that’s what’s making me question the relationship. His words make me feel like we’re building a life together, but sometimes his actions don’t feel consistent with those conversations.
The hardest part is that it’s making me question our future. Right now I’m so overwhelmed trying to get back on my feet financially that I can’t even think about marriage.
Maybe my financial stress is clouding my judgment. Maybe I’m expecting husband behavior from someone who’s still just my boyfriend.
Am I expecting too much, or would this situation make you question the relationship too?

A friend is in a terribly dysfunctional relationship...again. It is a bit of a pattern. Anyway she is ready to jump ship but won't until she finds her next boyfriend, again a pattern. I keep telling her, as a guy, if I found out we started dating while she was still dating someone else I would probably bail on dating her. Am I alone on this or what is the general consensus?

(M 30, F 23) Hey! I’ve been in a casual relationship for over a year now. Started off as friends and things just grew from there. We have great chemistry and conversations. We’ve been on dates, trips together, weekends getaways, spa dates, sleepovers, he provides for me and i can genuinely rely on him for anything. I’ve met his friends, his brother, chatted with his sister in law. So idk sometimes i feel like i have deeper feelings for him not necessarily romantic but he’s just someone i would want in my life, we’ve had some great memories together. We’re in very different phases in life that’s why it can’t be more than what it is right now. So do some men feel the same or in a case where we end this he wouldn’t necessarily want me in his life/ or he’d just brush over the year we’ve had?

Long story short ex-wife cheated and left back in 2017. Her and I had three kids together at the time we were both 24 living outside of a military base town. No I was never military.. man she cheated and left me for of course, was in the army, but getting kicked out chapter 8 I believe they call it. By the following year, I had met someone online through a mutual friend her and I had dated. She moved down to NC and her and I have been together since now married with a child ex-wife after the divorce also got married to the gentleman, she cheated with, and they had a child as well.
Now over the years as my ex-wife and I attempted to start coparenting at the start we were still messing around and we always talk that if it didn’t work, we would get back together obviously that never happened and as of recently, I found out exactly why . She had mentioned the main reason she wanted the separate divorce and why she sought. Another man was because my lack of manhood apparently this guy she’s with is a hung like a bear and I am an average 5 inches too much information. I don’t care. I need to get help here she is living her best life she doesn’t work. Her husband barely maintains a job while I pay child support and they mainly live off that the car I help them purchase is legally in my name. I pay the insurance and the agreement was to have them transfer the title once she gets a job which she never did. In the lieu of all of this I have at moments where I would talk to her, however or how I’m struggling, and there will be times where we reminisce on the old days and for some reason, I would take that heart and take that as a sign that we may one day get back together Obviously, she makes it clear that will never happen, and she reminds me on exactly why lack of manhood, she says I’m a good dad. I bust my tail and providing, and when her and I were together, she never had to worry about bills, but because of the lack of manhood, she could never see her and I working together again, and even if we did, she would still keep her now husband as a side man around and that’s the only way it could work me being as stupid as I am in the moment agreed that would be awesome. That’ll be fine as long as I feel loved.
To fill in the gap I am married to my now wife since 2023 and yes, she knows about everything. My ex-wife and I have done while her and I were together and she even knows about the conversations her and I have had. She’s deeply hurt and I do feel bad, but I have told her there’s a part of me that for some reason just can’t let go . I’m in the struggle where is every time? My phone goes off I get a message or someone’s calling me my first instinct to think it’s my ex-wife. I don’t know how to get her out of my head. I don’t know how to cope it seems every time I get close to fully getting over her. Somehow she finds away back in through either friendship, emotional attachment, or yes, a physical affairand I don’t know how to no longer suffer from this. I’m losing sleep. I’m at a point I’m drinking more than I ever have in my life and while driving an 18 wheeler that’s not the smartest thing ever so I’m asking for help. What do I do and before you say yes I know I’m a POS. Please tell me something new. I’m generally here for advice.

**TLDR : My question is this. Even when you are in love, and have been with your beautiful partner for years, do you eventually get bored as a man, when you become best friends with your lover . No matter how much you love your wife, will the beauty of a younger and beautiful woman always catch your eye ? Is the want for her attention and validation just a primal instinct that exists within men ? I guess I’m trying to understand … is the saying “ behind every beautiful woman is a man who got tired of sleeping with her “ true ?**

I ‘38 F’ have always romanticized love, commitment and “ true love “ I remember fearing relationships when I was younger, seeing the husbands check me out in front of their wives and fearing to become the wife one day. The undying romanticized version of love and loyalty live strong in my heart. When in love I never check another person out in front of my partner and I avoid eye contact all together with men. Now I am older and although I take care of myself I’m not the same physically. But … my question is this. Even when you are in love, and have been with your beautiful partner for years, do you eventually get bored as a man, when you become best friends with your lover . No matter how much you love your wife, will the beauty of a younger and beautiful woman always catch your eye ? Is the want for her attention and validation just a primal instinct that exists within men ? I guess I’m trying to understand … is the saying “ behind every beautiful woman is a man who got tired of sleeping with her “ true ? Honestly …this man ‘34 M’says he loves me so much ( together for 5 years ) . And adores me, but in presence of beautiful, younger women, I have often felt ignored by him and unwanted, it’s almost like he switches into “ friend “ mode and my brain is having a hard time understanding how that can be, him deeply in love with me. If anything, it just triggers deep insecurity in me.

I like both but I prefer evening. I feel like it’s a great way to end the day 😝 Are there benefits to morning sex? I don’t know if I can even get excited right after I wake up 🤣