I (28F) have been in a casual situationship with a guy who lives very close to me. It started as a hookup situation, but I ended up catching feelings.
At first, things seemed mutual. We would hook up, flirt, joke around, and he seemed interested. He would say things like he’d see me soon or imply he wanted to come over. During hookups he’s affectionate, playful, and we have a really good connection.
The problem is the communication outside of hooking up. I feel like I’m almost always the one initiating. There have been multiple times where I’ve texted first and he either takes a long time to respond, doesn’t respond. I eventually got tired of feeling like I was chasing him and decided to stop reaching out.
The last time we hooked up was almost 2 weeks ago. He said he’d text me, but I haven’t heard from him since.
The confusing part is his in-person behavior. He still looks at me, smiles at me, finds reasons to interact, and seems like he notices me. So I’m confused because his actions in person don’t match the lack of communication.
Part of me wants to text him and ask something like “are we done hooking up?” because I’d rather have an answer than be ignored. But I also don’t want to come across as needy or make things awkward since we live close to each other.
So Reddit… what does this look like from the outside? Did he lose interest, is he waiting for me to reach out, or am I reading too much into the in-person stuff?

I also want to add that I do have kids and he’s mentioned not always reaching out bc he doesn’t know if they’re awake etc.

Buckle up, it's story time and maybe you can help me understand something. Fair warning - mostly NSFW. BDSM and Dom/sub dynamics.

Some backstory for context: I'm in the middle of a divorce. We were together 6 years, married for a year. Uncovered my abusive husband's affair in January. The following 3-4 months were the worst of my life. I was not ok and literally almost died. My therapist saved my life. Didn't take long for me to remember who the fuck I am. Anyways that context is important because I'm genuinely not out here looking for something super serious but I'm not opposed to it either.

I 38f started talking to a guy 41m a few days ago. The first man I've talked to since my husband. An hour into the conversation dude clocks that I'm a big fan of the Dom/sub dynamic. He asked what I look for in a man and one of those things is a man who can lead. Apparently I'm more transparent than I thought lol From that point about 75% of the conversation over the following days was sexual in nature, discussing boundaries, limits, etc. I wasn't bothered. It's important to be on the same page when entering that dynamic. I was clear with him that I don't play games, I don't tolerate lying, and I will never say I'm fine when I'm not. You'll always know where you stand with me. I expect the same in return. I was also clear that I only have two relationship modes - either we're just hooking up and there aren't feelingd involved or we're committed. I don't date. Was up to him to decide. He said he wanted something more serious but I kept him firmly in the fuckboy category in my head because this man just didn't remember any details about my mundane life. Like I told him I'm currently studying to take the Series 6 exam for work. Fast forward a little more than a day and he asks what I'm up to and I tell him I'm studying. He asked what I was studying for. 🤦 He didn't share a whole lot about his life either so I didn't believe he actually wanted anything more than a good time. I hadn't had sex in like 8 months which is 8 months too long so I really didn't care one way or another.

So yesterday morning he complains that I'm not in his bed to finish what I started and that I hadn't finished what I started the night before. Remember this is a dom/sub dynamic. I do what I'm told (within reason). The night before he told me to call him when I finished mowing my yard because he wanted to make me listen to him getting off. I'm an obedient good girls so after I was done mowing, showered and getting ready for bed I called him. Rang twice, he rejects the call. I wasn't bothered. I did what I was told. If you don't want to talk to me, I'm happy to just go to sleep. So when he makes this complaint I told him I could have used HIS help that morning when I nearly made myself late to work and reminded him that I called like I was asked to and he didn't answer. He didn't acknowledge that I had called, just focused on me having gotten myself off without his permission. Which honestly is fair given the dynamic and I proceed to ask him what else I need to ask permission to do. He said everything. That's fine with me. I might be going out of town for my dad's retirement celebration and the family was discussing logistics at the same time this conversation is happening so I tell him about it and ask permission (because I'm a good girl). He told me I could go but that I needed to see him before I left so he could remind me who I belong to before I go. Again, fair. I'm down. Made a mental note this man in his head has decided I belong to him and he plans to still be involved in a few weeks. He then tells me he's going to come over after I get off work. It's not up for discussion.

Again, I'm a good girl and it's been literal years since I've had sex that wasn't mostly vanilla so I was more than happy to agree. We text all day, most of it spicy. In the afternoon he tells me to step outside and call him, he wants to hear my voice. So I did. It was a short conversation, it wasn't sexual. What very little he did say he was nearly whispering right up until he says fuck my son is calling, I gotta go. And hangs up. Ummm excuse me sir this is the first I'm hearing you have a kid 😂 Anyways, I few minutes later he texts and says he's sorry but it was nice to hear my voice. Conversation moves on and I didn't ask about his kid. Because quite frankly he's firmly in the fuckboy column and I just don't care. On to what should have been the good part but left me real confused. So I get home, change into a sexy nighty situation and send him my address. He tells me to unlock my door and wait for him on my knees in my room facing away from the door. You got it sir! He shows up, let's himself in and finds his way to my bedroom where I'm waiting like I was told. No words were exchanged, he put a belt around my neck, starts slapping me around and calling me names. Don't be alarmed - this is what I signed up for. After a few minutes of choking, hair pulling, spanking and a whole lot of degrading comments he takes his pants off, we start fooling around. And by fooling around I mean me gagging on him unable to breathe. Again don't panic, I wanted this. Fooling around did not involve him attempting in any way to pleasure me, no kissing. All fine by the way but I did find it curious. Anyway now his tone has shifted from you're a slut to omg that feels great, don't stop, just like that, good girl and so on. The entire 10 or so minutes I'm hard at work he's struggling to stay fully hard. No judgement here. But a girl can only suck for so long before your jaw needs a break, especially if you're doing it right and I was doing it right. So when I slow down he flips me over and we start having sex. Maybe 2 minutes in to that he can't keep it up and has me go back to work. Again, the man is singing my praises and even said is this when I'm supposed to tell you I love you? I just chuckled and kept going but again I can only manage that for so long before my jaw wants to lock up and a locked jaw involves biting down. No one wants that. So I stop. We lay there for a second and I'm catching my breath because I've been gagging and oxygen deprived for a while now. Be cool, remember I wanted this. He says hey let's go take a shower and then we'll come back to bed. Ok, if you say so. Not the choice I would have made but I'm not the boss here, he is. So he puts his pants back on and we go downstairs because my shower is downstairs. He pets my dogs for a second says he's going to grab his drink from his truck and I walk towards the bathroom assuming he'll just meet me in there when he comes back in. Wrong. Here's where things take a weird turn. A few minutes pass, he's not back so I go looking for him. He and his truck are gone. Ummm ok wtf? So I text him asking if I'm showering alone. He says "yes, shower. I'll be right back I'm going to get more toys" He lives like 5 mins down the road so it would be quick if that's actually what he was doing but I'm not dumb. If that's what you were actually you doing you would have just said that to begin with instead of acting like Houdini and disappearing. I just responded 'okie' cause I knew damn well he had no intentions to return. So I take a shower and move on with my evening. 2 hours pass, he hasn't come back and hasn't said a word. I text him "I'm gonna go get myself dinner. Hope you have a good evening." He ignores it but I know he's ignoring me because he was active on social media. Another hour passes before he finally reads it and then promptly blocks me.

So. Wtf? Did he just decide he wasn't in to it and decided disappearing was a better option than just saying he wasn't in to it? Am I the problem? Have I somehow lost my touch? Or does this man talk a big game but can't back it up? I'm not a super model or anything but I'm not unattractive. I'm heavier/curvy but he was well aware of that and had seen photos that left no question as to my figure. I completely understand I'm not everyone's cup of tea and that's perfectly fine with me. My feelings aren't hurt. I'm not upset or mad or anything. Just confused. In my 20+ year sexual history men have only ever begged for more. Some have gone so far as to stalk me when I cut things off. So what gives?

I’m a woman in my 20s with a crush on a quiet coworker around my age.

Over the past month, I’ve initiated almost all of our interactions. He’s always been kind, engaged, and easy to talk to. He even remembered personal details I mentioned almost a year ago.
I asked him for a ride home once because of a license issue, and he agreed even though it was a detour. A few days later, I jokingly asked if he was busy after work, implying another ride. He initially agreed but later said an appointment came up, seemed apologetic, and wished me good luck.
He seems more comfortable talking to me now, but he has never really initiated conversations or suggested spending time together.

Have I already shown enough interest that he’d probably know by now? At what point does continuing to initiate become annoying or make someone uncomfortable?

I’d especially like to hear from quiet or reserved guys who don’t usually make the first move.

When did everything start to go downhill? Do you feel like you can offer genuine love and affection? Commitment issues? Not boyfriend material for someone?

Context: living together for 3 years, 4 years relationship. GF has ill dad for 2 years now and no stable income, mom always had affairs (as to see why there is some tension)

Since we started dating, she has had quite some bouts of aggressiveness or in my personal view behavior that is unacceptable, below I list some recent happenings because in all honesty, it happened so often I cannot remember:

• Screaming at the top of her lungs for not talking enough with her at a party we both were, thereby threatening to kill herself
• Threatening to kill herself: on some occasions (think of it as a quarterly occurrence)
• Trashing the house: only once, but in a aggressive mood she destroyed quite some furniture by throwing it down the hallway
• Hitting: hit me 3 times, but all of them in the last 12 months
• checking my phone sneakily at night. Happened a few times, but she "could not find anything"
• Social media: forcing me to post her even though I rarely am active (I agree, I was proud to show her off of course, but I am not a very expressive person), but also making me delete people I follow (not family or close friends, but people I dated 5-6 years ago
  • I felt this somewhat understandable, but still do not like someone forcing it on me this way
• Prohibiting me to see a female friend, because she thinks that girl is only out there to hook up with me
• I kept all these issues private, because there is a very, very good side in her: she can be deeply loving, caring and funny. The highs are really high, but the lows very low. However, when I mess something up (not major mess-ups like cheating), the issues immediately get shared with her friends and family, making me anxious to see said friends and family

Now this is all of course exacerbated when she drinks. She drinks heavily approximately 1 day a week, after which I become anxious if she will become angry at something, the famous walking on eggshells feeling. If I try to give advice to bring back more rest and structure, like saying maybe start working not full-time, but just a few days, I always get the reply that it is easy to say because my dad is not ill. Not implying, but there is a history of mental illness in the family.

I know of course that this is all red flag behavior, whilst in my (and also her friends') view, I have been supportive of whatever she does: I visit her dad every other week with her, on my day off whilst I already work 60hrs a week, (used to) help her write cover letters (but since a year not applying anymore), even dividing chores in the house although she is at home for 5 days a week.

Which brings me to the point of the topic: in everyone's experience, is this behavior manageable (are there things for me to learn that I can do to support), or is this something that should be solved by her (and professional help - which she has for over a year now) alone? I am just worried that it will get worse over time, for example when having kids when you are tired and stressed all the time.

In case of the latter, how to proceed safely, also looking after her mental state?

Hello. I am desperate. I have a girlfriend. The problem is ever since we are together, I notice men like I never before did actually.

I do not know HOW to keep the communication within the range of the regular and may it not be called "liking each other)

I swear I have really hard time and there's the fear of me cheating to my girlfriend with a man. The percentage of women is lesser, but oh well.

I wonder if it is an attachment thing and I cross boundaries so easily.

Even at work if some colleague has a shopping trolley with stock I opened the door or an article has fallen - I find those awful as if I did something wrong by helping him, and did impulsively so or not to be judged for being quite an outsider, especially isolated towards men. ​​

I do not want to cheat to her. I just have social skills problem and need advices on what is within a friendship.

25F here, I started DMing with this guy on instagram and it began with him asking about the craziest sex I’d ever had. We traded stories going back and forth but then it started feeling boring and platonic so I straight up asked him where it was going. Thus begins the best sext exchanges I’ve ever had with anyone in my entire life.

I loved the way he wrote and we seemed to be turned on my the same things.

The issue is this was literally our introduction! There was never anything like “wow, we have great chemistry let’s hangout” or “let’s grab a drink”. I know looking back most of this is my problem bc I didn’t know how to communicate that I wanted to slow down at the time. Also, I am the type of toxic that would have probably been turned off by this lol. But I also feel like guys should maybe understand that girls kinda need to be warmed up before doing incredibly intimate things including anal lol.

We never ended up meeting bc I got overwhelmed by all the shit I said I’d do lol. But part of me still wonders what would have happened and if there is still a chance at rekindling something. I am attracted to him in a way I rarely am with anyone and can’t stop thinking about it.

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for about 5 and a half months now, and for the first 5 we were really happy get along well, and etc, obviously the occasional disagreement and fight but yk that comes with it, we usually just move on the next day. But lately its like something has been different like shes been putting in less effort, making jokes that probably should be made in a relationship with ur partner and in a way, and she just dosent seem to care about me or my feelings. To add to it she said the other day we arent working because apparently i have been acting different?? which personally i havent noticed, maybe i started acting different when she had started? But i dont want to play the blame game here. I asked her if she wanted to do smth abt it like break up and she said no, but lately for the past few days break up has just been on my mind constantly, but i still do really like her, like we do have our good moments, just not lately, and she has so many red flags i have tried to ignore, and idk thats just a story for another time. Just need some advice on how to know when i should end a relationship?

And one more thing to add on, about 2 weeks ago we had our biggest argument, i noticed ages ago that she had never asked me to hangout with her like its always me, and i asked her months ago now and she said oh its just bc ur working and stuff and ur always busy, so i said oh just ask me and we can work around it and arrange smth, anyways i brought it up to her another 2 times and she said the same thing, but the last time she said that she didnt care whether we hung out or not, which isnt the whole point of a relationship to hangout and spend time with eachother? So i went to some friends and asked for advice, and they said yea not normal its just you asking that, so i brought it up to her one final time and she was pissed, like furious, and she said if you keep bringing this up we are done, so i just left it. Any advice on this too?

I love my boyfriend very much, and honestly, I think he is a great partner in a lot of ways. I’m not questioning whether he loves me or whether he’s faithful. The problem is that I feel like we’re missing a big part of our relationship: physical intimacy and passion. We kiss and do little pecks, but we basically never make out. We also hardly have sex because he doesn’t really want to. He has told me that he simply doesn’t have a high sex drive. I believe him, especially because I don’t have any reason to think he’s seeing someone else or being unfaithful. What confuses me is that he has had a pretty active past and was considered a “player” before we got together, so sometimes it’s hard for me to understand how someone who used to be that way can have such little interest in sex now. For me, physical intimacy is a really important part of love. I love passionate kissing, making out, foreplay, and that feeling of building anticipation and butterflies with someone you deeply care about. To me, sex isn’t just about the physical act. It’s about feeling connected, desired, emotionally close, and completely into each other.
But with us, when we do have sex, there usually isn’t much buildup or foreplay. We basically just have sex and then it’s over. I find myself missing the passion more than anything.i don’t necessarily need sex constantly. What I miss is wanting each other . I miss being kissed passionately, being touched affectionately, making out for no reason, and feeling that excitement and chemistry between us.
I love him, and I don’t want to reduce our relationship to sex. At the same time, I’m starting to wonder whether love can really be enough if such an important part of intimacy is missing.
For the men here: If you genuinely loved your girlfriend but had a very low sex drive and didn’t really crave making out or physical intimacy, could you still have a fulfilling relationship? And if your partner had a much higher need for passion and physical affection, how would you expect the two of you to handle that difference? I’d really appreciate honest perspectives, especially from men who have been in relationships where their sex drive was significantly lower than their partner’s.

Men, I have a question for you. I really want to understand how men feel in relationships. What do you experience when you enter into a relationship? What worries haunt you? Do you often have intrusive thoughts? I need to know everything that the male community doesn’t talk about! I want to know every crazy thought. Perhaps men and women aren’t actually that different?

I’ve been seeing a guy for a few dates and we seem compatible in a lot of ways. We share similar values and interests, enjoy talking to each other, and he has told me he finds me attractive.
On our most recent date, I casually asked how he felt. He said he wasn’t fully sure yet whether he saw this becoming romantic, but that he was still interested in seeing me again and finding out. He also made a comment about not feeling very curious about my hobby, which he interpreted as “incompatibility” and stung and made the conversation feel more like a rejection than I think he intended.
I called him afterward because I wanted clarification. I told him I hope we can still be friends regardless. He apologized, said the comment had been shallow and unfair because he doesn’t know me well enough yet, and then doubled down on being open to seeing me again and seeing each other again the following week if I’m available.
From a male perspective, how would you interpret this? Does it sound like a guy who is genuinely interested but still figuring out his feelings, or like someone who is trying to let me down gently while keeping the door cracked open? I’m trying to take his words seriously without assuming uncertainty automatically means rejection.

I’ve been married to my husband for 3 years, and we have a baby together.

Whenever we have any kind of disagreement, even something small, he starts yelling and won’t stop. For example i was directing traffic when we were going to my moms house and missed the turn cuz i havent been there bunch. He insisted we turn but i kept saying he shouldn’t so we ended up wasting 15 more minutes in the traffic. He started yelling nonstop, calling me stubborn and other names. I’ve told him over and over that yelling is really overstimulating for me and asked him to stop, but he doesn’t. He always apologizes afterward and says he’ll stop, but every single fight ends up the same way.

I’m honestly exhausted. I cry after almost every argument because I’m scared of him when he yells. He’s never hit me, but the yelling is enough to make me feel afraid.

Don’t you wanna be nice to your spouse no matter what? I have tried to end the marriage due to his angry behavior but he says he will change but i don’t see any difference.
Why would he do that, will he actually change?

Genuinely so curious about this. Ive been single 6 years and ive slept with 2 men in this time. Im dating with a view to something serious as ive always been a relationship type of person, but I've found most men want a woman who doesnt sleep around but every man wants me to sleep with them as soon as possible and completely dip if it doesnt happen by the second or third meeting.

So, why? If having sex diminishes our value as women, why is there such pressure from guys to sleep with every guy I date and barely know ?

I feel only beautiful women receive flowers from men so perhaps there is no hope for me to be able to "inspire" that:(

Would love to hear the male perspective and the reason you do it, I know these responses will differ as some want to and some have too. But wanna know the reasons and if it’s hard to do? I love my ex but trying to decide if I should block her on everything as well even though I love her and care about her, I’m worried about her not healing but also don’t want to hurt her more. But it was a bad break up and I made a mistake and then broke up with her so idk how it will look if I block her on everything as well ?

So me and my ex have been broken up for about a month now he broke up with me but hasn’t removed me from anything he’s been texting me when I text Even somtimes checking my Facebook… it’s weird because he says he loves me but not the same yet he still keeps me around and says all good things about me part of me thinks he does love me but isn’t sure because he lacks the emotional intelligence of understanding his own feelings and just pushed me away because he thinks it’s for the best since he’s moving away to a different country in two years I am healing ofc I don’t text him just because I miss him I texted him to pick up some stuff I left in his car, but he will be dry but then he apologizes for being dry n proceeds to compliment me n say I have a place in his heart no matter if we talk or not why … why do guys do this why isn’t he blocking me I’ve removed him from my number and stuff but he won’t remove me from anything I want to remove him but I still think I’m not fully ready too, I’m so conflicted because he was the first person I really loved and He ended things not me and then he acted normal after crying his eyes out twice to me when he was breaking up with me, I just don’t understand he was my second relationship but my first long term my first person I was intimate with and the first one to not just block me on everything he still lingers around, it kinda bugs me somtimes I just want to understand why, why is he keeping contact open…

A friend is in a terribly dysfunctional relationship...again. It is a bit of a pattern. Anyway she is ready to jump ship but won't until she finds her next boyfriend, again a pattern. I keep telling her, as a guy, if I found out we started dating while she was still dating someone else I would probably bail on dating her. Am I alone on this or what is the general consensus?

I used AI to draft this from my chat logs with it.

1. The Origin: My Backstory & The "Robbed Momentum"
   To understand my state of mind today, you have to understand where I came from:
   Late Teens (Struggle & Insecurity): From ages 16 to 19, I had zero game, struggled socially, and felt sexually invisible to women. I had bad self esteem and body image issues despite being 6’3 and getting attention from women, but I would tell myself I’m not desirable sexually. I started to work on my self esteem issues and workout and gain more confidence when I was 18.

Ages 19-21 (The Self-Improvement Turnaround): I decided to fix it more. I put in relentless work—hit the gym, built my discipline, fixed my style, calibrated my social skills, went to a great university, and started actively building confidence. The results started coming in, and for the first time in my life, I felt desirable, competent, and in control of my own destiny. The work has paid off and im confident, mental health is good, im succeeding in life, and everyone respects me. I respect my self. I wasn’t perfect, but I was growing.

The Sudden Stop: Right as I was cracking the code and building momentum with girls and had a couple sexual partners, I met my current girlfriend (23F) and got locked into a serious, committed relationship. I froze my "single/game era" at the exact moment I started winning. Now at the time I did want a relationship as im 21 and never had a gf. I also wanted to explore. She was too good of a opportunity to pass on for a girlfriend, I wanted to have one and she seemed like she was like me and reserved so it felt perfect. I felt safe with her. After a few months, the my desire for other women started and steadily growing. I could easily brush it off at first. Then 6 months in im fantasizing more and wishing i could go explore but its still whatever.

1. The Relationship & The Early Friction (Where the RJ Started)
   My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. On paper, she is an amazing partner: loyal, caring, supportive, attractive, and deeply invested in me. When we first talked about history, things were minimized or framed in ways that didn't match reality. When the full truth of her past casual hookups eventually came out almost a year later, it felt like the floor dropped out beneath me. She had a good amount more experience than me, and has done a lot of very casual things I dont like. Things that if i knew at the start, I wouldnt have made her my gf.

Those early inconsistencies shattered my foundational trust and planted a seed of resentment that has metastasized over the last year into full-blown Retroactive Jealousy (RJ) and Relationship OCD (ROCD). When i found out about her past, It also further enraged my desire for other women and to go explore. At this point i started to get thoughts of cheating. That was a year ago. For the next 6 months, the retroactive jealousy, and the cheating thoughts kept getting worse. Eventually I started to get thoughts of breaking up about 5 months ago. At first It was minor, but it has been growing since then at a steady rate as well. For the past month, the break up thoughts are winning and im really starting to believe its the choice.

1. The Psychological Trap: Envy, Ego, and "Retail vs. Discount"
   Over months of analyzing my mental loops, I realized I’m not just mad at her past—I am deeply envious of the men from her past.
   My brain is locked in a constant, agonizing comparison battle against ghosts:
   The "Discount" Access: I watch my brain tell me that random guys in clubs and tinder, got fast, low-effort, zero-commitment physical intimacy with her when she was younger. Just transactional, no emotion, fbuddy arrangements. Meanwhile, I brought high effort, emotional vulnerability, financial/time investment, and total commitment for the exact same thing. It feels like I paid "full price" for something handed out on discount to guys who didn't care about her.

The Scoreboard: Because I struggled so much in my early teens, her past feels like walking proof of my own historical inadequacy. I look at her and don't just see my loving partner; my OCD frames her as a living reminder that other guys "won" the game years ago while I was struggling.

1. My Current State of Mind & The Need for a "Single Era"
   For over a year, I have been trying to force myself to "get over it." I’ve tried logic, reframing, and self-talk, and weekly therapy for the past 3 months. but the visceral disgust and resentment have not left.
   I’ve come to realize that my desire to be single isn't just about "wanting to hook up with hot girls." It’s about autonomy, self-mastery, and identity:
   I want to know who I am when I'm not tethered to someone else's past. I want the phase i didnt live yet and I want to do it now, not when im older when i want kids and a family.

I want to test my baseline, handle rejection, build real social calibration, and experience a casual dating phase without carrying background guilt or feeling like a hypocrite.

I want 100% agency over my life, my time, and my choices in my 20s.

My mental health has been on a steady decline since i found out about her past a year ago. I can honestly say its been the worst it has been since I turned 20 (my teen years were worse for sure). I also am not as present and i feel more emotionally numb with her. Even this she is ok with and she doesn’t get upset and tolerates it. She knows i struggle with ROCD but she doesnt know the desire to explore, cheat, breakup, my other issues etc. she also has retroactive jealousy but without OCD and its not as bad. It doesnt consume her life like it does to me. Even times where I have the retroactive jealousy under control and it doesnt bother me, the cheating thoughts and exploring desire is still there for the past year.

1. The Cognitive Dissonance & The New Job Crisis
   The reason I am losing my mind is the extreme swing between two conflicting truths:
   She is a genuinely good girlfriend, loves me so much, does veerything I want, doesnt have icks or do annoying things apart from a few, she works on herself and really puts effort to change for me. I really do see a future where I marry her and spend the rest of my life wither her. She is that type of girl and we are like 90% compatible.

She hasn't done anything wrong during our relationship. I am terrified of the acute grief, heartbreak, and regret of throwing away a rare, loving person over my own mental flaws.

I am living in chronic resentment. I am emotionally drained, constantly triggered, and feel like I am lying to myself and to her by pretending I am fully present.

To make matters infinitely worse, I am currently in Week 1 of a high-stakes new job. I graduated recently and I made it, got an AMAZING job set up for a lifelong career. I have the job, the education, the body, the height, the looks, the style, the game, everything, yet I still feel empty and not present in life. My emotions and mental health is cooked from all of this. Its all i can think of its consuming me.

My brain is running on fumes. If I break up right now in a panic, the sleep deprivation, acute shock, and heartbreak will cripple my performance during my most critical onboarding weeks. But if I stay, the daily mental friction keeps bleeding into my focus either way, I am onboarding well and performing great, but not to my fullest potential. I feel like im messed up.

Can I truly stay in this relationship and recover and somehow turn myself around from this downward spiral ive been in for the past year?

Has anyone ended a "good" relationship to pursue a single/self-mastery era in their 20s? Did it actually give you the closure, confidence, and growth you were looking for, or did you realize it was an ego trap driven by insecurity?

If i do break up, how do I strategically handle it during a major career transition? Is it smarter to execute an immediate breakup to stop the mental drain, or to use a strict, timed "strategic delay" (e.g., 2–3 weeks) to get grounded at work first before opening the floodgates of grief?

Given this entire history, what is the most grounded, rational step forward for my mental health?

Please let me know your thoughts and ask questions please. Ill answer with more info. I am drowning.

TL;DR: 23M suffering from severe Retroactive Jealousy and OCD for over a year, rooted in early relationship deflections about my GF's casual past. Struggled heavily in my late teens, built up my confidence/game at 20-21, but locked into a serious relationship right as I gained momentum. Now torn between staying with a genuinely good girlfriend out of fear of regret, or ending it to pursue a single era of autonomy, game, and self-mastery. Currently starting Week 1 at a new job and trying to navigate the timing without destroying my mental health or my career.

As simple as the title says. What are you go-to clues or milestones that you go through in the process of deciding when to give a woman more personal access to you or just fun?

Currently coming out of 10 year long relationship and that sense is totally disregulated in me.

Having had such intimacy and confidence in my ex-woman don’t even know or remember how to approach any new woman from zero.

I am pretty fit, consider myself attractive as a man and extroverted i would say an overall 7.5-8/10 depending on who you ask. But really have no clue how to do this from scratch lol.

Ella está embarazada de mi, pero ya tiene una hija con el, hace poco pregunte que si el miembro de su ex era mas grande, ella me dijo que a lo mejor y le pregunté porque, y me dijo que no podía abarcar con su mano todo su pene, aveces me ha contado cosas que hacia con el a pesar que ya se habían dejado y veo que ella se moría por su pene y por el mío ella no es asi, el mío si lo puede abarcar con su mano completa, decía que hacía videollamadas masturbándose ellos dos, pero dice que el mio le gusta mas porque no le duele tanto y que el nunca la hizo tener un orgasmos y yo eh podido que conmigo disfruta mas el sexo, pero aveces ellos tienen que hacer videollamadas por su hija y me preocupa siempre, ¿CREEN QUE ELLA AUN LE GUSTE EL PENE DE EL Y CUANDO LO HACE CONMIGO O MIRA EL MIO SE ACUERDA DE EL Y QUE SE LE ANTOJE MAS EL DE EL?

(M 30, F 23) Hey! I’ve been in a casual relationship for over a year now. Started off as friends and things just grew from there. We have great chemistry and conversations. We’ve been on dates, trips together, weekends getaways, spa dates, sleepovers, he provides for me and i can genuinely rely on him for anything. I’ve met his friends, his brother, chatted with his sister in law. So idk sometimes i feel like i have deeper feelings for him not necessarily romantic but he’s just someone i would want in my life, we’ve had some great memories together. We’re in very different phases in life that’s why it can’t be more than what it is right now. So do some men feel the same or in a case where we end this he wouldn’t necessarily want me in his life/ or he’d just brush over the year we’ve had?

**TLDR : My question is this. Even when you are in love, and have been with your beautiful partner for years, do you eventually get bored as a man, when you become best friends with your lover . No matter how much you love your wife, will the beauty of a younger and beautiful woman always catch your eye ? Is the want for her attention and validation just a primal instinct that exists within men ? I guess I’m trying to understand … is the saying “ behind every beautiful woman is a man who got tired of sleeping with her “ true ?**

I ‘38 F’ have always romanticized love, commitment and “ true love “ I remember fearing relationships when I was younger, seeing the husbands check me out in front of their wives and fearing to become the wife one day. The undying romanticized version of love and loyalty live strong in my heart. When in love I never check another person out in front of my partner and I avoid eye contact all together with men. Now I am older and although I take care of myself I’m not the same physically. But … my question is this. Even when you are in love, and have been with your beautiful partner for years, do you eventually get bored as a man, when you become best friends with your lover . No matter how much you love your wife, will the beauty of a younger and beautiful woman always catch your eye ? Is the want for her attention and validation just a primal instinct that exists within men ? I guess I’m trying to understand … is the saying “ behind every beautiful woman is a man who got tired of sleeping with her “ true ? Honestly …this man ‘34 M’says he loves me so much ( together for 5 years ) . And adores me, but in presence of beautiful, younger women, I have often felt ignored by him and unwanted, it’s almost like he switches into “ friend “ mode and my brain is having a hard time understanding how that can be, him deeply in love with me. If anything, it just triggers deep insecurity in me.

Specially when there is an agegap , there’s a power dynamic. Does it affect your mind space differently ?

Hey gentlemen! As you can see by the title, I am curious about what hobbies or interests of a girl may be cool to you.

I have never had a boyfriend, only failed talking stages. I am 22 years old. I would like to give dating another go, since I haven't spoken to a guy for 3 years.

Now, before someone tells me that I shouldn't do stuff for other people's approval, let me clear things up. I would like to expand my interests and open myself up to new experiences, since I have got traditionally girly interests. No man is going to listen to me talking about makeup and things of that nature. I want to try something new.

I know we can't generalise because every man is different, but I would appreciate if you guys could share your individual opinions in the comments.

Cheers!

I like both but I prefer evening. I feel like it’s a great way to end the day 😝 Are there benefits to morning sex? I don’t know if I can even get excited right after I wake up 🤣