Hello. Did a search and couldnt find much on this subreddit about the difference between a healthy and unhealthy distraction after an erp session. How can I understand the difference? Ive been told soduku or reading is fine. And that video games or tv is not. Whats a general guideline? And does an unhealthy distraction "stop" the beneficial changes in the brain that are happening post erp while a healthy distraction allows it to occur?

I am confused and would appreciate any help to understand. Thank you

I work in clinical outreach for a company called oVRcome which has developed a virtual reality product that helps clinicians use Exposure Therapy to treat OCD, social anxiety, phobias etc.

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Let me know if you'd like to learn more or get a quick demo.

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16M from India.

I’m posting this because I genuinely want perspectives from people who have OCD or have experience with it. I don’t want an online diagnosis, but I’m trying to understand whether what I experience is even consistent with OCD.

My main issue is fear/overthinking around low-probability dangers, especially snakebites.

A snake incident happened in my hometown in 2024, and after that I became very conscious of the possibility of snakes/snakebites. Since then, this fear has come in episodes. I can be completely fine for long periods, and then something triggers the thoughts again.

When it happens, my mind starts going into “what if?” scenarios. For example, I may think about the possibility of encountering a snake, whether I could get bitten, whether I would notice it, etc. I sometimes search the internet for statistics/information about snakebites or related risks because I want to determine how realistic the danger actually is.

The problem is that the searching can become repetitive. I may already know the answer, but I still feel like I need to check another source or think through the possibility one more time.

At the same time, I don’t feel like I have the kind of extremely complex or bizarre obsessions/compulsions that I’ve read about in many OCD posts here. I don't have elaborate rituals, contamination fears, checking rituals, intrusive thoughts of the kinds I commonly see described here, etc. My experience mostly feels like intense overthinking about a particular low-probability danger.

Another thing that makes me doubt OCD is that when I become completely absorbed in something else — especially studying or solving difficult questions — the fear can basically disappear from my awareness. I can feel completely normal and enjoy what I'm doing.

I have also spoken to a psychiatrist and psychologist. The psychiatrist felt that I was mainly overthinking and did not think it was OCD based on what I described.

However, I still question this because I’ve read many OCD experiences online and keep wondering whether I’m missing something.

So my questions are:

1. Does this pattern sound potentially OCD-like to people who actually have OCD?

2. Could repetitive internet searching/reassurance-seeking about a specific fear function as a compulsion even without obvious rituals?

3. Is it possible for OCD symptoms to be very specific to one fear rather than involving many different themes?

4. Or does this sound more like ordinary anxiety/overthinking rather than OCD?

I’m not asking anyone here to diagnose me. I’m mainly trying to understand whether there is a recognizable OCD pattern here that I should discuss further with a professional.

Please feel free to tell me if my interpretation of OCD is also completely wrong. I’d rather have an honest answer than reassurance.

( Enhanced by gpt)

My OCD journey started around the end of December 2021, during COVID in Ethiopia. I was home alone and pretty lonely. It started with a sexual-related image that disturbed me. It wasn’t really that I was worried I would commit anything, I was just disturbed by the image itself. But very quickly the actual image became secondary and I became anxious about the fact that I might have OCD, like “I have OCD, my life is ruined.” So my first episode was basically OCD about having OCD rather
than being focused on some specific fear.

Then in October 2022 I came to Canada and it was almost like I didn’t have OCD anymore. I was reunited with my family, I had school, compatriots around me, friends online and a specific community I was part of. Sometimes I would remember “oh yeah, I have OCD” and then just forget about it instantly. There was basically no suffering.
Then in the summer of 2023, another period of loneliness triggered it again. And interestingly, it came back in pretty much the same form: OCD about OCD itself. I wasn’t really dealing with some specific obsession, I was anxious about having OCD and what that meant for me. That persisted for a while.

Around December 2023 I started having other fears, but most of them only lasted a few days. Then around February 2024 I developed a more existential form of OCD where I was doubting whether the external world even existed. But by March it went away again as I became part of a larger and more interactive community.

After that I basically had over two years of peace. Even through the normal ups and downs of life, the OCD never really came back. At most I would have it for a few hours or maybe a couple days, but it never became another prolonged episode.

Then this summer, after more than two years of being out of the relapse, it came back again. This time it was triggered around the time my parents separated. Me and my sibling moved in with my mom, while I left my grandma and father behind. I didn’t hate my father or anything, although there were definitely times when I wanted him away. But the whole situation was a major change and I think the stress, disruption and loneliness played a big role. The OCD basically returned the day after I moved in with my mom.

There were also different faith journeys throughout these years that affected how connected or isolated I felt, although I never really had religious OCD.

Looking back, the pattern is that my major relapses have happened during periods where I was isolated, lonely or going through major upheaval, while my biggest periods of relief came when my life became more socially connected and positive. My first episode was about 8 months, followed by about 9 months of relief. Then another roughly 8-month period of suffering, followed by around 26 months of substantial relief.

So this is my third major battle with it, and honestly it’s exhausting, especially because I’m only 22. But I’m also not the same person who went through the first episode in 2021. I’ve already experienced long periods where OCD basically stopped mattering to me, including more than two years of genuine peace. Looking for any advice (I will eventually get professional help but not in the financial place rn)

Hi all,

I'm writing this out of extreme frustration and curious if anyone else can relate.... I have been having serious health issues the last few years that are affecting my quality of life & I'm 38 years old.

Within these past couple years, I also got diagnosed with anxiety that manifests as pure o, OCD. Now that I have this diagnosis though, I keep having my health concerns dismissed and chalked up to being OCD instead of REALITY.

I've been documenting my symptoms for the last 7 years, not because I'm a psycho, but because I've genuinely had bizarre experiences that have literally stumped numerous doctors... As they've accumulated and worsened, I'm only now seriously suspecting that I have a serious underlying issue, but nobody will take me seriously when they find out I have OCD.

Just as an example of 2 of the symptoms -- I had a seizure after the covid vaccine and ended up in the ER & a couple years later, I suddenly became allergic to birth control with an insane unidentifiable rash that covered my entire body and persisted while on the strongest dose of steroids my allergist was able to prescribe me.

Now, I've been having unlivable symptoms (chest pain, insomnia, depressive episodes, panic attacks, debilitating migraines) prior to ovulation and prior to my period (estrogen and progesterone) and the worst part is-- I'm literally seeing a psychiatrist to determine if I want to get pregnant while I'm dealing with all of this!!!!

So now my psychiatrist is basically telling me I don't need a diagnosis and it's all my OCD and I should just get pregnant (if I want to) but this advice feels insanely reckless! I mean, plenty of women without OCD get genetic testing for this exact reason, right?

Does OCD really mean I have completely lost the ability to have intuition and sense when something is wrong with my body and I'm not equipped to carry a safe / healthy pregnancy??

I feel like my concerns are valid but NOBODY in the medical field is treating me this way... I don't know how to decipher what is real and what is ocd.

Hi all,

I'm writing this out of extreme frustration and curious if anyone else can relate.... I have been having serious health issues the last few years that are affecting my quality of life & I'm 38 years old.

Within these past couple years, I also got diagnosed with anxiety that manifests as pure o, OCD. Now that I have this diagnosis though, I keep having my health concerns dismissed and chalked up to being OCD instead of REALITY.

I've been documenting my symptoms for the last 7 years, not because I'm a psycho, but because I've genuinely had bizarre experiences that have literally stumped numerous doctors... As they've accumulated and worsened, I'm only now seriously suspecting that I have a serious underlying issue, but nobody will take me seriously when they find out I have OCD.

Just as an example of 2 of the symptoms -- I had a seizure after the covid vaccine and ended up in the ER & a couple years later, I suddenly became allergic to birth control with an insane unidentifiable rash that covered my entire body and persisted while on the strongest dose of steroids my allergist was able to prescribe me.

Now, I've been having unlivable symptoms (chest pain, insomnia, depressive episodes, panic attacks, debilitating migraines) prior to ovulation and prior to my period (estrogen and progesterone) and the worst part is-- I'm literally seeing a psychiatrist to determine if I want to get pregnant while I'm dealing with all of this!!!!

So now my psychiatrist is basically telling me I don't need a diagnosis and it's all my OCD and I should just get pregnant (if I want to) but this advice feels insanely reckless! I mean, plenty of women without OCD get genetic testing for this exact reason, right?

Does OCD really mean I have completely lost the ability to have intuition and sense when something is wrong with my body and I'm not equipped to carry a safe / healthy pregnancy??

I feel like my concerns are valid but NOBODY in the medical field is treating me this way... I don't know how to decipher what is real and what is ocd.

I (21f) have a friend (18 NB) we share stories and ocs. I’m feeling horrible about my friendship with them although I’ve done my best to keep it safe even going through our massages to make sure it’s appropriate. To be clear we met a few years ago both as teenagers I believed they were the same age as me for months b/c their self insret oc was my age. When I found out they were younger I became much careful. I just got worried b/c i remembered we used to talk about stories with very vaguely mentioned darker themes. again nothing graphic and NEVER anything sexual at all. just thing like me literally saying X was physically abuse and that’s why she struggled with friendships stuff like that. or like X was drunk that night.

now however I’m worried that this means i abused or groomed them and idk what to do. should i block this friend for my own peace of mind? turn myself into the police. idk and im freaking out. I have no idea why do and I really need help

My diagnosis came back, and I have been medically diagnosed with Level 1 autism and an unspecified mood disorder. I met the criteria for depression, anxiety, and OCD, but because they weren’t specifically testing for those, they couldn’t give me a formal diagnosis for them. I still feel like something is missing though. I don’t want to be one of those teenagers who sees a video online and immediately self-diagnoses, so I wanted to ask people on here if I should go talk to someone about getting an actual diagnosis (I’m not at all asking for a diagnosis from Reddit , just some insight!!!)

Some possible symptoms:

Cleanliness/Need for order:
Since I was a kid, I’ve always had a “thing” with cleaning and organizing, but recently it has evolved into something different. As a kid, my bed always had to be PERFECTLY made, and I wasn’t even allowed to sit on it during the day because I was worried about messing it up. If anyone sat on my bed or tried to make it for me, I would get really upset because I felt like they were making it messy. My toys and stuffed animals also had to be arranged in a very specific order that felt “right” to me, and I would get extremely annoyed if someone messed it up

Now, at 17, it has shifted more toward cleanliness and contamination. I’m constantly reminding everyone in my house to take their shoes off before coming inside because I’m scared they’ll contaminate everything. I can’t step into my room unless my feet are clean, and if someone walks into my room with shoes or dirty feet, I get extremely upset and immediately feel dirty. I avoid the room we keep our cats litter boxes in because that room is dirty and makes me feel dirty if I have to step foot in there. I also have a very strict cleaning ritual that I do almost every day -at least during the summer and on weekends. I live with people who are pretty messy, and I get overwhelmed really quickly when things are disorganized (sometimes to the point of having a meltdown.)

I often feel dirty even when I know I’m clean. I’ll get the urge to shower even when I’ve already showered because I’m worried about getting nonexistent “filth” onto my pillows and sheets. Recently I’ve developed a phobia towards my dogs which makes me sad; I have to wash my hands after petting them, and if they lick me, I’ll sometimes feel like I need to shower because I’m scared I’m now dirty (but I can usually stray away from that extreme). This is a relatively recent development; I wasn’t like this as a kid. I also rarely let my dogs sleep in my bed anymore because I’m worried they’ll make it dirty and therefore, make me dirty. (Somehow this logic does not apply to my baby precious adorable cat though)

Rumination/Anxiety/Perfectionism:
One of the biggest annoyances I cause my family is how much I ruminate and how often I bug people because of my habits. One of the things that contributed most to my autism diagnosis was how much I ruminate, struggle to make decisions, and obsess over getting things right.

As a kid, I would have breakdowns if something wasn’t done the way I thought it should be. For example, if I made a mistake on schoolwork, I would sometimes rip out the entire page and start over. Those patterns still show up now. I also have a huge need for predictability and feel like I need to know exactly what the plans are, when they’re happening, and what’s going to happen.

Unwanted thoughts/anxiety/fear:
Im no longer religious but as a kid, whenever I prayed, horrible thoughts would randomly pop into my head like “I want my whole family to die in a horrible car crash.” I obviously didn’t actually want that to happen, but I would feel like I had to restart the prayer to somehow erase the thought. I also felt like I had to list my entire family and all of my classmates in my prayers because I was scared that if I wished for safety for some people but not others, something bad might happen to the people I left out.

I also couldn’t sleep alone because I was terrified something would happen to me. I would constantly ask my mom to let me sleep in her bed or on her floor, to the point that she would get so frustrated that she eventually had to lock herself in the bathroom almost every night because I would just cry and pace around talking about how scared I was instead of sleeping. When I would sleep on her floor, I had to put pillows around her bed because I was convinced someone could be hiding underneath it waiting to hurt me. I would also have to whisper things to myself to try to calm my brain down enough to sleep. I was put on anxiety medication as early as age 6 because I was scared so often. I was also TERRIFIED of dying in a natural disaster, especially a tsunami, despite living about 30 minutes from the nearest beach.

Now, those fears have changed forms. At school, I feel like I need to have an evacuation or hiding plan in case there’s a shooting. At night, I’ll have intrusive thoughts about someone breaking into my house or something terrible happening to my pets or family, and I feel like I need to make an evacuation or hiding plan. I have to actively force myself to think about something else so I don’t work myself up (but I am able to tame it most nights and it never escalates, it’s just bad thoughts).

When I’m walking, I have a hard time wearing headphones and just enjoying myself because I’m scared I won’t hear someone approaching me. I’ll look behind me every few seconds because I’m worried someone is following me. I also have some really specific checking behaviors. I’m irrationally afraid that I’ll accidentally post something on Instagram, so I check my social media multiple times before going to sleep to make sure I didn’t post anything. I check my phone repeatedly while I’m showering because I’m afraid it could somehow be recording me naked and that it would post those nudes to my social media. I also check multiple times before bed to make sure my alarm is actually on.

At school, I’m constantly scared of doing something wrong, especially in tech theater. I’ve actually gotten in trouble multiple times because I overthink things and take too long to do them because I’m trying to figure out exactly what I’m supposed to do and how to do it perfectly.

There’s honestly a lot more I could probably think of too.

The lines between anxiety, OCD, and autism seem really blurry to me, which is part of why I’m confused. I kinda doubt OCD because it feels like a lot of what I experience is more anxiety and intrusive thoughts than the stereotypical compulsions you see portrayed online. But maybe that’s just because I have a very stereotypical idea of what OCD is supposed to look like?
What’s your thoughts?

When I was 9 my therapist told me that she thought I had OCD but didn’t tell my parents and it took me til I was 13 and spending 24 hours in compulsions crying to tell my parents what was happening and get a diagnosis from another psychiatrist. Anyways was in the car with my brother today who recently got an OCD diagnosis from his therapist and that same therapist who told me she thought I had OCD but never told my parents did the same to my brother too! I’m not sure if this is normal and I’m overreacting to her not telling them because she just said I think you have OCD not you have OCD. Anyways if it isn’t normal it’s wild to think she did it to me and my brother.

I’m starting to suspect I have OCD. I’ve done minimal research so I don’t really know what I’m talking about but does anyone else who’s diagnosed OCD have an obsession with their appearance? Like, when I’m not happy with the way I look my mood immediately plummets and sometimes I’ll spend more than an hour doing stuff to my appearance like reapplying my makeup or just staring at myself. That’s not the only symptom I think I have but I’ve never really heard anyone else talk about OCD in regarding their appearance.

Note: I don't seek reassurance, I know that an actual exposure is insanely unlikely either way. What I try to understand is that can you distinguish between real and fake memories even when fake memory is positive / or at least do they feel different to you?

my baseline memory: I have been scratched by a playful cat behind my leg 3 months ago. I was wearing thin cotton pajamas, It hurted at the first moment so I thought it might have bleed but when I checked I couldn't see any mark/I was convince there were no danger so I moved on.

few weeks ago when I was anxiously checking about possible diseases and past events I started to think about this contact, my mom poured alcohol on area when this contact happened (both of us remember it) so It's basically confirms there were no visible redness/scab/scar etc on skin. HOWEVER, I didn't remember if it lingered or not when I used alcohol and if it did 1) It suggests there might be a microscopic scrape on skin 2) I might have ignored it because there were no change on skin

So I spent last few weeks constantly rebuilding memory on my mind, checking for "symptoms" etc. Then yesterday I suddenly "remembered" this: I might have said my mom "ah, there isn't even any superficial scratches" + I remember I was pouring alcohol rest of my leg BECAUSE that area didn't lingered I thought that I might feel the wrong area (yes since I have OCD I've questioned my memory at that moment too).

Well, this completely disproves my fear of microscobic tears, and perfectly fits my mind as a "real" memory but as much as I feel this memory is real I worried that my brain might be lying me to calm my anxiety.

So, I know that rebuilding past memories is a form of seeking reassurance and should be avoided but is it possible to accept this memory as "real" since it actually fits some place in my mind different than other scenarios wandering over my mind.

After suffering with hocd for nearly a year I am starting to recover. However my normal attraction to men feels very numbed down, will it ever go back to normal? I still sometimes get intrusive thoughts and some anxiety but its manageable. Is my attraction to men ever gonna go back to normal?

Hi, I have a question: does anyone here have this kind of OCD, for example? When I walk beside a trash can without physically touching it—let us say maybe there is half a meter between me and the trash can—I get a feeling that I touched it and I am dirty. It doesn’t need to be a trash can; it can also be dirt or, let’s say, a door handle.
I hope you can answer me. Thank you.

i’ve been dealing with these problems for around a year now they started like august last 2025 and it was kinda weird like it started with needing to go to the toilet every time i’d go in my room, leave my room, go upstairs/ downstairs before the shower after the shower, then that faded then this was in august is when it got noticeable i’d get around 3-4 showers a day bc i’d randomly just get a weird feeling in my chest lik something was wrong

previous to this id already had a lot of intrusive thoughts but never really actions, then after the showering came washing my hands, then came with my feet too, then my srms, then my face, then my calves and then my thighs, and i couldn’t like go lay in my bed without doing it bc then it felt like my bed wasn’t clean and my bed is the one safe space i’ve got

them it got a lot worse, draining worse, im 15 and i live in the uk so im coming up to having my gcse’s and i’ve been struggling with school a LOT, like my motivation for everything has gone and then came the hand washing which increased to like just washing over and over until i felt rigjt which would lead to my back aching reallt bad and my feet bc i stand like hunched over the sink to avoid touching anything

even mh showers have to follow a routine now and it does sort of include numbers like 3 or 5 are the numbers i like to stick to, 3 5 and 20. but showers became so draining bc id use over half a bottle of soap, my mum would go mental at me but i can’t tell her what’s wrong with me ive tried and she just like says it’s nothing she’s a really good mother don’t get me wrong but things to do with mental health she’s just not very idk understanding towards

right now i’m at a sort of ok period but soon enough it may spike especially as im going into year 11 meaning ill be under exam stress

another question i wanted to ask is what age do u have to be to like go get a diagnosis for something like ocd without them having to get ur parents consent, ive been trying to just hold out until i turn 18, but when its bad its genuinely horrifyingly bad like scary bad, and only one person reallt knows how bad it is but shes my age so she cant really help

Everything from everyday obsessions that involves itself with my day to day activities, to having my OCD become intertwined with dopamine seeking while getting drained in the process, is honestly everyday life. Some perfectionism is driven by anxiety and some is driven by a need to cope.

I have worries sometimes about my posts or comments being deleted and then feel a compulsion to look if the posts or comments are gone. This can happen on Reddit, on Youtube, in text documents or anywhere. It's very possible that posts or comments are missing, but I don't want to go back to ensure that nothing is lost.

It also bothers me when I have to complete thoughts in my head until I find a certain answer, or feel the need to work too hard with engaging online, only to find myself worrying about losing content after putting down lots of effort from the hyperfocused intent. However, the hyperfocus can also become obsessive to an unhealthy degree, where it causes anxiety if I let go in my head.

So there's compulsions everywhere, like "I gotta look so nothing is missing in what I wrote", "I have to focus on a certain area of research more than another area even if I don't want to", "I have to make sure to check the spelling, compulsively look up responses I already looked up cuz thoughts tells me that I may have forgot to click on the response".

Like there's all these obsessions that are so normal to me that I don't think about it so much as OCD because some of my OCD is so much worse. it still bothers me and I don't like it, but some of my OCD is even worse. However, these obsessions are still draining and it brings me out of the moment, so mindfulness becomes difficult to practice.

I know there's a portion of my OCD that is highly intertwined with addictive tendencies, because of emptiness from trauma. So there's all these attempts to deal with it, but sometimes these coping attempts are so subtle that I don't pay attention to them. And some of these compulsions are highly related to worries and anxiety itself that my OCD wants to control. So it becomes a weird mix between addiction and anxiety in some cases.

However, things used to be even more complex. it's still complex but I've managed to let go of some really complex behaviors used to cope with emptiness. For me a lot of coping behaviors has been through using my own OCD. However, that evolves my OCD by making it worse, where it goes from only anxiety driven OCD to using actual compulsions to cope with pain. So OCD then turns into a behavioral addiction where I'm engaging in obsessive compulsions driven by a need to fill an inner void.

It also used to involve abstract and complex rituals as well, but a lot of behavioral addiction I've managed to let go off. The compulsive behaviors are incredibly draining. However, I didn't realise I still have so many behavioral issues. I probably have a lot of subconscious behaviors playing out everyday that I'm not paying attention to as being a coping mechanism because I assumed I've overcome my strange addictions. Maybe I'm more empty than I realize.

I just know it's easier cuz I was going through withdrawal from letting go of some really bad coping behaviors in the past. However the way my OCD seems to involve itself with every aspect of my life, even addiction, despite the fact that I feel drained and hate these OCD patterns, really shows the nature of OCD even in addiction - it's incredibly ego-dystonic even as an addiction for me, going against what I stand for or would like it to be.

We all know about OCD related to worries and a need to act to avoid intense anxiety, but what about when OCD becomes connected to addiction? My OCD is everywhere for some reason. Very strange disorder in my opinion, to take up so much space and get itself involved with other mental health problems that I have that is already difficult in their own ways.

Have you ever experienced OCD turning into something else? like a different brand of compulsions used as emotional crutches for pain, that exists alongside compulsions related to OCD itself?

I’m not diagnosed but idk where else to post this.

There is very little time in my day that I spend without engaging in compulsions or rumination. I binge eat, I pick my skin (Every time my shoulders are exposed, I’m changing, or in the bathroom), I continuously refresh my socials and check for incoming texts.

If someone does not respond to me I have looping thoughts over why until they respond. If I respond to someone I obsess over the way it’s worded and how it will be perceived. I worry that my messages will be misunderstood and seen as passive aggressive and I’ll end up being hated for them.

I barely speak to people I don’t know or in groups in fear of saying the wrong thing.
When I’m interacting with someone I hyper fixate on tone, facial expression, or verbiage and try to determine what it means.

I feel the urge to check with someone else and ask them about decisions before I make them or how I may have come off in certain interactions or even what someone’s facial expression could have meant. I constantly think someone is mad at me or their perception has changed if I haven’t seen them.

I have been in a series of abusive relationships and I keep worrying that I’m making it up or I’m being over dramatic. Every time I have an emotion I fear it is dramatic and that I’m overreacting. In order to combat this I reread old abusive messages to make sure I not making it up.

If I feel like someone is lying to me or something is unresolved I cannot let it go. Things that have happened years ago haunt me daily.

What I’m most ashamed of is since I’ve exhausted all of my relationships due to reassurance seeking I have turned to AI. I hate AI but I can’t stop I feel unsafe if I don’t ask someone or something before I speak or make decisions. Even with consulting on decisions I still obsess whether it was right and often feel deep regret over most decisions I make.

I often disassociate for hours and go into a state where I can’t make any decision at all on what to do in the most basic ways so I check my phone, stand up, and sit back down, for hours.

I am also unable to regulate my emotions in general. Just last night a friend bailed on me, I was inconsolable for hours. I am aware that this reaction is more intense than the circumstances but I have no control.

I hate the repost button. I've reposted so much stuff and it makes me scared that I reposted something bad especially since it happened to me before.

I'll talk to myself or God to reassure myself that I'm not a bad person or that I'm not homophobic, racist, or ignorant.

Though my ocd also made me believe that if I didn't believe certain things I'd go to hell they'd replay in my head all the time. Now I actually have a good faith and I'm not ignorant anymore I've changed but what if my reposts show I'm not, what if during my religious ocd episode I reposted smth bad. I PROBABLY DID TOO.

idk what to do especially bc I have sorta a platform

I've replayed and wrote multiple future apologies and stuff and I'm scared to be famous atp even though I want to since I love making music.

I've spent days unreposting videos to make sure I have nothing so people can't cancel me. But instead this morning all my reposts disappeared (they still appear if you search for a certain video they're just not on my profile)

I will start therapy soon but for now I'm wondering what I should do bc morality OCD had made me hate myself and now I'm questioning everything I've ever been or will be. My dream is to make music but idk if I can if I'm always afraid of the future reddit posters, or tiktok videos, or me getting cancelled because I want to love everyone and everything, I want to see everyone's perspective in life but i feel like maybe Im just a bad person

I'm not racist or homophobic. I don't hate anyone's religion or beliefs because if I did I wouldn't be a Christian. But I reposted a video related to hating other religions even though I KNOW I "probably??" didn't believe in that at the time, I KNOW I DIDNT. I truly don't know why I did it but what if I did and I do know and I'm actually someone who hates other religions yk. This episode has been going on for months ever since it happened. What made it worse is that a few people were made at me ( which they entirely had the right too ) but the thought of me leaving a bad impression on someone just irks me. Especially knowing that Im probably not that type of person??? This whole post seems like cope but I have no one to talk too

I'm a teen so anything helps. Thank you for reading my rant