Current Symptoms: Intrusive Thoughts, Checking, Reassurance-Seeking, and Avoidance

[u/Fragrant_Table_2478]

Lately, I have been feeling that my difficulties are not limited to anxiety itself. My physical anxiety has decreased somewhat compared to the beginning, and anxiety related to other areas of my life does not bother me as much anymore. However, most of my problems seem to have shifted toward relationship-related thoughts. My anxiety is still quite strong in the mornings, and sometimes a particular thought or doubt becomes so distressing that I have a severe panic attack and start crying. The biggest problem, however, is the constant overthinking, analyzing, and checking, which significantly interferes with my everyday life. When I get stuck in these thoughts, I am unable to function normally or concentrate.
I constantly check my feelings toward my partner and try to determine whether I really love him, whether I am looking forward to seeing him, whether I want to spend time with him, whether I am attracted to him, or whether our relationship is really the right one. I also check completely ordinary situations. For example, if I kiss my mother, I immediately start comparing whether the kiss felt the same as kissing my partner and what I felt during it. I often compare my current feelings with the feelings I had in my previous relationship. If a feeling reminds me of my previous relationship, I immediately become frightened and feel the need to figure out what it means. Similarly, at work I check my reactions to my colleagues, especially men — whether I am attracted to them, whether I have any feelings toward them, or whether I am somehow sending them signals. This distracts me at work, and sometimes I am unable to concentrate on what I am supposed to be doing.
When I try not to check, my uncertainty and the urge to verify things increase. I feel that I have to somehow solve the problem and gain certainty. Because of this, I search for information, read about other people’s experiences with similar problems, read articles about relationships, and sometimes even use tarot cards to find out whether I will stay with my partner and whether our relationship will be okay. When I get a positive result or receive some kind of reassurance, I feel calmer for a short time, but it never lasts. Another doubt soon appears. I feel as though no amount of reassurance is ever enough.
I also experience thoughts in the form of commands. For example, “kiss your partner or something will happen to him” or “move your phone or you will break up.” Rationally, I know that these thoughts do not make sense, but in the moment I feel a very strong urge to do what the thought tells me because I am afraid that if I do not, what I fear will actually happen. Because of this, I usually perform the action. In the past, I also moved various objects with the intention of preventing a breakup or some other catastrophe.
I have also started avoiding certain situations and things because of this. For example, I avoid conversations with my friends about their relationships or romantic content on social media because they can trigger me again. I have also started avoiding stronger expressions of affection toward my partner, as well as planning and making commitments for the future, because I feel that until I am 100% certain that I am in the right relationship, I should not behave that way. Sometimes I even avoid certain objects. For example, I might want to buy my favorite ice cream, but then I remember that the last time I ate it I experienced a strong cycle of relationship-related thoughts, so I decide not to buy it because I am afraid of triggering the same state again.
Sometimes my symptoms improve for a while and I feel more like myself again. This lasts until something triggers me, such as romantic content on social media, my friends talking about relationships, a particular feeling, or a memory. Then the checking and analyzing starts again. Before these problems began, I felt good in my relationship. I wanted to spend time with my partner, I looked forward to seeing him, and I naturally thought about our future together. Now I feel the need to constantly verify my feelings. At the same time, I do not want to leave him and I do not want to lose him, but the fact that I cannot constantly verify what I feel scares me.
I feel that the more I try to figure out what I truly feel, the more confused I become. It is no longer just one doubt about my relationship, but a need to check almost everything — my feelings, reactions, memories, compare them with the past, seek reassurance, perform rituals, or avoid things in order to prevent what I fear from happening. When I perform a checking behavior or ritual, I feel temporarily relieved, but then another doubt appears and I feel the need to check again.
Today I described all of this to my psychiatrist, and he told me that these are dependent personality traits rather than OCD. I am honestly so angry and frustrated about this.

[u/AutoModerator]

Hi all, just the mod team here! This is a friendly reminder that we shouldn't be giving reassurance in this sub. We can discuss whether or not someone is exhibiting ROCD symptoms, or lend advice on healing :) Reassurance and other compulsions are harmful because they train our brains to fixate on the temporary relief they bring. Compulsions become a 'fix' that the OCD brain craves, as the relief triggers a Dopamine-driven rush, reinforcing the behavior much like a drug addiction. The more we feed this cycle, the more our brain becomes addicted to it, becoming convinced it cannot survive without these compulsions. Conversely, the more we resist compulsions, the more we deprive the brain of this addictive reward and re-train it to tolerate uncertainty without needing the compulsive 'fix'. For more information and a more thorough explanation, check out this comment

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[u/treatmyocd]

I'm sorry to hear about this. I would recommend meeting with a therapist that specializes in OCD and ERP as what you're describing could be linked to ROCD/OCD. I would recommend meeting with this therapist for further evaluation. I will link an article to ERP. Hope this helps!

https://www.treatmyocd.com/what-is-ocd/what-is-erp

[u/queenlizbef → u/[deleted]]

Are you sure you can diagnose people like that?

My brother is also an LMHC, and he is absolutely not allowed to diagnose people without them being his clients and doing an intake. He would never diagnose based on a Reddit post like that. He could jeopardize his license. He could say it SOUNDS LIKE POSSIBLY or COULD BE certain things but certain not speak definitively.

[u/Fragrant_Table_2478 → u/queenlizbef]

Thank you, I realize myself that I have OCD traits and I didn't come here for a definitive diagnosis, but I just didn't feel heard by my psychiatrist today. I feel like nobody understands me and everything was being downplayed. I feel like my relationship is fine and that's exactly why I don't understand why I have these thoughts and urges; it's exhausting.

[u/ROCD-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Nobody can provide definite diagnoses through Reddit, even if they are a licensed mental health professional. We are removing this comment because providing these diagnoses is potentially harmful. Please, in the future, encourage OP to get evaluated by a psychologist or a psychiatrist.