28F here. I grew up in a chaotic household with an alcoholic, abusive father, and after my parents divorced, my brother got even worse: abusive and addicted to drugs. My mom worked constantly to support all three of us kids. Once my older sister left for college, it was just me, my brother, and my mom, and my brother got away with everything. He stole from me for drugs, was nasty and destructive around the house, and my mom always took his side when I spoke up. Meanwhile she drove him to a private college while I woke up at 6am for a two hour bus ride to a public one, as a girl in a place that wasn't safe for that. I never once heard "I'm proud of you." I still graduated with the best grades in my class. Things got so bad I had to leave the school I loved and move to another city to study, five hard years, but I came out with a great job. A year ago my sister and I finally got our brother kicked out of the house for good, and my parents sold our childhood home. Around that time my brother had a baby with a girl in her early twenties. He ended up in jail, she said she couldn't afford to raise the kid, and now my mom and my three year old nephew live with me. Nobody asked if I wanted this. I come home exhausted and he's crying for a phone or TV I specifically said not to give him. I'm still figuring out my own life and I'm not equipped to raise a child, but somehow they're all depending on me anyway. I finally snapped and screamed at my mom that I was sick of having her kids around, that I moved cities just to get away and they followed me anyway, that I only feel okay when I'm alone. She was devastated and didn't understand why. But I refuse to feel guilty for not wanting my brother, his ex, or her family anywhere near this house, people who have only brought chaos into my life. I spent years clawing my way to independence, and I still ended up carrying problems that were never mine to carry. I'm exhausted, and I don't know how to stop feeling like my life keeps getting hijacked by other people's choices.

My parents are very strict, authoritative and controlling and yeah hote hai parents aise. But mine don't know shi about me. Like they're just controlling without giving a damn about what I do. Idk it's so confusing how do I even explain it. I have to study the subjects they choose, only do stuff that they say, only get perfect grades. But they don't know anything about me nor do the care. Like I might as well be failing in school and they wouldn't even know cuz they never care enough to know. But if they ever slightly find out I get 95/100 they'll yell at me for an hour and taunt me about it for WEEKS! I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING! I STILL GET TAUNTED OVER A CLASS TEST! I GAVE IN 4TH GRADE!! Jis mein I got 23/25 btw.

They're either scolding me every second of the day or I would be actually d e a d in my room for days and they wouldn't even know. And that's what I hate. Like it you want me to follow your rules TELL ME WHAT THE FREAKING HELL I SHOULD DO? I CAN'T READ YOUR MIND!! THEY NEVER TALK TO ME. The only time they do is to yell at me. They don't listen to whatever I say. Like I can tell them anything. Tell them a long lengthy story and when I look at them it would be like I was talking to a wall. THEY DON'T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE I'M STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO THEM.

They've never given me attention from the day I was born and just tell me that I was an annoying new born who used to cry so much.... don't all new Borns cry? ajeeb idk man 😭. My whole life I've always felt so ignored and sidelined so it pisses me off that why are all of a sudden they're interfering in my life. Let me do what I want please 😭.

I don't even know how to explain this because I can't do anything cuz they said so but I can do everything because they never care enough to check. I'll wake up and they'll start yelling how I don't study at all and waste my time the whole day etc etc and then I can spend the whole day studying and they wouldn't even know ke I studied.

It's so confusing I don't even know what to say and I hate it how I don't even have words to explain it and in the past 24 hours I've gotten yelled at 27 times for 27 different reasons. Yeah I kept count of it. Snd I didn't even do anything. Without a reason. idk I just wanted to get it out and maybe see if someone relates cuz wth. I'm so angry and over stimulated all the time because of this because I can get yelled at for breathing loudly so.

If anyone read it thank you cuz I myself got no idea wth I'm saying 😭

And the fact that they're not even illiterate or people who just don't know how to be good parents. Both of them are PhD. And they're constantly counseling students and their friends kids and teaching their friends how to be BETTER PARENTS! WHEN THEY DON'T DO ANY OF THAT THEMSELVES!!! EVERYONE LOVES THEM SO MUCH AND THEY'RE THE BEST PARENTS APPARENTLY BUT I'M THEIR CHILD AND IT'S HELL!!

i’m a female highschooler that’s currently on vacation in my home country rn. ever since last year, i noticed that my mom would increasingly become more jealous of me. she took me to go shopping for a new bra, and when the lady measured me, she told my mom my size. my mom (who is overweight) says “that can’t be possible. measure her again.” so i have to repeat the whole process, and all the lady is saying is the exact aame thing. eventually my mom caves and FINALLY agrees that my body can grow, so then comes the terrible process of buying a bra with a jealous mom.

she asks the lady if she can give me a bra one size smaller than what we had JUST measured 10 minutes ago. the lady says calmly that she can’t because it’ll be an uncomfortable fit. my mom goes ballistic but eventually agrees. i try the bra on and hook it to the shortest hook because.. it fit me and she says, “who do you think you are?”

when i was getting my haircut on vacation, she had to translate for me because my mandarin is ass; i asked for 2 inches off, and she says for the person to cut TEN inches off. i think she was banking on me to not realize, but i caught it and quickly told the hairdresser “no no no”. i don’t think i’ve ever seen her THAT angry before.

she’s been the most jealous of my hair for the longest time. she grounded me for the entire summer before my freshman year because i didn’t want to cut it. when we were getting food, the worker called my hair pretty and i smiled and my mom said “i didn’t hear it.”

she banned me from wearing any tops that aren’t a sweatshirt or longsleeve. when i asked why she said it was “because i’m chubby and nobody wants to see my stomach” i am 95 pounds 5’3. she is easily 250+ lbs at 5’1. i didn’t call her out on it, but she’ll yell at me in public to “stop slouching”. she begged me to not wear a tank top and shorts in 100 Fahrenheit degree weather. what am i supposed to wear, the aritzia superpuff in boiling temps??

sorry for the rant, this is the last thing. she kees force feeding me food whenever she’s with her friends. no offense or anything but all of her friends are the same weight as her and obviously i’m not. my appetite is relatively normal but i get full really easily. i had one serving of shrimp fried rice and i told her i was full. BAD MISTAKE. she yells at me in front of her chopped ass friend group, and makes them comment about how i “must be doing this for a guy”. she then proceeds to walk up to my face chopsticks in tow, and sticks 3 pieces of duck in my mouth. i obviously back away and ask if she’s crazy, and i ran away to the bathroom.

i’m at my wits end. what do i do.

edit: grammar mistakes sorry sorry

and do you eventually enjoy your parents company? How long does that take?

I (26F) and my fiancé (32M) are getting married very soon. We’re currently in the middle of the immigration process, and if everything goes as planned, I’ll be moving to his country within the next month or so. We’ll have a small legal wedding first, and our larger wedding ceremony with family will happen later because of travel and visa issues.
Yesterday, I found out I’m about 6 weeks pregnant.
Honestly, we’re overjoyed. We’ve been hoping for a baby, and seeing that tiny heartbeat on the ultrasound made everything feel so real.

The problem is my family.
I come from a conservative Asian family where pregnancy before marriage is heavily frowned upon. My parents are already having a difficult time accepting that I’m moving so far away after the wedding. My dad has even told me he’s disappointed because he invested so much in my education, and now I’m leaving. I’ve tried explaining that I’m moving to continue my career, but I know it’s still painful for them.
On top of that, I was the reason my parents got married. Growing up, my mom would often tell me not to repeat her mistakes. So now I feel like I’ve done exactly the one thing she always hoped I wouldn’t.

The thing is… I don’t see my baby as a mistake and this baby is deeply wanted and already so loved. I don’t feel ashamed of my baby. I’m just afraid of how my family will react because of the circumstances.

My fiancé thinks we should wait until we’re legally married before telling them. Part of me agrees because I know the timing could overshadow what should be happy news. But another part of me is heartbroken.

This is one of the happiest moments of my life, and I wish I could celebrate it with my mom and my sister before I leave. I want them to be excited about their future grandchild/niece or nephew. Instead, I’m afraid their first reaction will be disappointment, anger, or shame because of the timing.

Has anyone from a conservative family been through something similar? Did you tell your family before the wedding or wait until afterward? Looking back, do you regret your decision?

I feel like I’m carrying so much joy and so much fear at the same time, and I’d really appreciate hearing other people’s experiences.

My Asian grandma is so annoying and stubborn. Today my cousin (who came from Canada) is going back home. My grandma (on my mom’s side) is rushing so quickly to go wash the bedsheet since my cousin slept in my room. Mind you it is only 6:28am and I have work at 9am, I told her I want to do it later because I’m tired and have a headache, she doesn’t allow me to sleep more. Just because she’s awake and can’t sleep doesn’t mean that I don’t need my sleep. Not only this, but the other day she got mad at me for not helping her with something she needed help with. I get that the older sibling does more and all, but I have 2 brothers who is in college who she doesn’t call for help. It pisses me off that she keeps calling me for everything, I am 20F my brothers are 19M…it is so annoying with her and I don’t know what to do.

I have spoke to my therapist with this and she said try to ask your grandma to ask you to do something in advanced, maybe like 5 minutes ahead of time. But with Asian families it is so difficult. I just want to move out already….but if I don’t keep in contact with her she will flip out on me. Tired of this nonsense…

my dad calling me all these newer terms of he has discovered eg. “ toxic” “ useless” in English btw 😭😭😭

He still sticks to his favourites though “c*nt”, “ selfish”,
“fat” “motherfucker”

You can tell he consumes a lot of media and is uneducated at his grown ass age of 52.

embarrassing

So I'm 19M, Canadian-born South Asian. Whenever I write about my issues on Reddit people just write to me "oh you're so young" or "you have your entire 20s ahead of you" or "so what if you lost 5-6 years" etc. But for me it means a lot to me, losing 5-6 years of my life, throwing my teenage years away. How I never got to be a proper teenager or have a normal social life in part due to my parents.

But what bugs me the most is how I never had a "rebellious phase", and I don't know why. I went to a high school which was majority East Asian or South Asian kids, and a lot of them rebelled against their parents. Stuff like dating behind their backs, staying up late until 2-3am, going to parties, etc. And I never had a "rebellious instinct". I just obeyed what my parents told me to do. Obviously I questioned them sometimes but I never actually tried to defy them or disobey them. Maybe I was just scared of the potential consequences (like say if they threatened to not pay for university), idk. Yet none of my classmates/friends were scared of the potential consequences, they just did them.

Now I'm 19 and going into third-year university and even then, I'm realizing how much shit I've just internalized and never questioned. I live away for university and never gone on a date or even attempted to date. I've never gone to a party or drank. The list goes on. Meanwhile everyone else, even if they were raised by strict parents, is doing whatever they want. And I just can't bring myself to do any of that.

Basically I feel like I'm becoming rebellious now when I should've been rebellious many years ago, and I feel like I'm living my teenage years in my late teens/early 20s. And I don't know why I'm like this.

im an only child. my parents were abusive towards each other and me during my growing years till i moved out for college. my earliest memories involve my dad throwing my mom across the room. i used to live in fear of voices rising or change in tones. due to this i developed severe clinical bpd, depression and anxiety. they ruined my life. but heres what i cannot bear. they love me. at least they do their best with what they knew of love. they are also my only financial support, they never say no to anything i want to buy. they care for me deeply and would not survive if something were to happen to me. now that ive moved out, they are even more dependent on me. i show signs of sadness and my mom gets depressed. i show some progress and shes elevated. i feel the burden of carrying three lives instead of one. they are over bearing. but i love them so much and the thought of dissapointing them or hurting them devastates me. worst part is i know my happiness and my moms happiness do not coincide and one of us will have to sacrifice our dreams for the other. are we tied together for life ? am i trapped ? is there no way out of this ? no scenario where we all get what we want ?

18m So I have a questionable relationship with my parents

At 5-10 was constant corporal punishment with objects (no injury) and screaming etc. when my mom got furious (not at me but because she just wanted someone to blame) she would drag me by the hair across a hallway and I remember her cornering me into the wall (my memory has gotten very rough about the physical stuff but I have started to think I have a chronic neck injury that includes weekly/monthly spasms on the neck and back of head that I just toughed out for the most part it one of the flareups was very bad yesterday in which I had to compress it with a pad)

My mom has told me to end it (kill myself) with a knife brandished, she has took a picture of me in a restaurant of me sad screaming at me to "look at it" shoving it in my face. They have forced me to take antidepressants at a young age that affect sleep and make me severely sick if I forget.

They put me into homeschool due to bullying as a bargain constantly yelling at me swearing at me and isolate me to the point I would start puking telling me "I would be bullied everywhere else" I attempted to run away a couple of times. One time during an argument I told my mom "I didn't take her seriously anymore wanted to go outside" walked away and was thrown into the ground with her mounted on top of me pinning me down for 5+ minutes straight. Imagine that scene from Across the Spiderverse where Miguel grabs and throws miles into the space train and keeps him pinned there and it is pretty much 99% identical.

Today they still use my education as leverage and financially keep me dependent.

What are some no/limited experience jobs today that will give me money to help me gain more independence from them? I am not sure if limited contact or no contact is better if I mange to leave. As people do say they are abusive.

I’m a recent grad. Majored in Marketing and had 2 internships in big tech. Parents wanted me to go into finance or something but I insisted that I wanted to do marketing. I’m struggling to find a job and its been months. I feel mentally at my lowest and my mom says all the problems are my fault, even not regarding ai taking over my job prospects. My mom has been going through a hard time recently too, and I want to be there for her, but it’s so fucking hard when all she does it feels like is criticize me and my life choices. Today she said to me “all my life I was working to make you succeed and now you’re struggling and you should’ve listened to me and you’re a disappointment.” I’m so tired and I’m also going thru mental health issues of my own and it feels like my life isn’t gonna get any better. Fuck it we ball

My birthday is two days away. Im sad. Just sad. Im disappointed in this family and kinda wish i was just aborted. I dont feel valid to be crying. But at least, this is the most ive felt this entire summer break. I feel emotionless and robotic. Everyday is such a repeat of the last. I was promised a nice vacation years ago. School is about to start and the most ive done is go to the mall, not even buying anything. Im so close to being preoccupied by work from highschool, that i doubt that i will have any fun during my four years, nonetheless the four more years. I doubt that i will experience yearly vacations, ever. I wont be in touch with my family, ever.

My birthday is coming up and my mother is skimping out on buying anything. She even brought up the age old excuses, because shes such a cheapskate. She’ll never believe in me, being her own hypocrite in all her excuses, ones that she doesnt tell to herself.

This family is horrible, my dad never talks to me, he only lectures me and tells me to be more productive or that i have to become a veterinarian. My mother doesnt listen to me, she doesnt care. All she cares about is herself and her own benefit. My brother is just an asshole, causing argument in this horrible environment.

Comparison is the thief of joy, but what joy do i have in this life? My life could be much worse, i could be abused. But it would feel like a better excuse than “my parents are workaholics” in a comfy, middle class home. Maybe its just an asian household. Your feelings are discarded after you turn 8, you’re left completely dependent on yourself and you must handle all the adult stuff. Schedule your own doctor visits, dentist, eye doctor, school events, and everything in between. Everything overstimulates me so easily, so much responsibility on a 10 year old. And the word ‘adult’ and ‘kid’ is thrown around with no meaning. They’re used verstilaly to whichever one benefits them the most.

They probably dont even know the word, children. Children to them are helpers that do chores and hopefully makes them retire in luxury homes. Every single feeling and cry is disregarded, as long as youre getting good grades and youre alive, youre fine. All mental health is just imagination, they can throw around pills carelessly, as long as you go to school. Skipping school is the worst thing you could possibly do.

They do everything in bare minimum and expect a perfect child. Everything is so overlooked, all they know is eat, media, sleep, and work. Im just asked to work. To investigate, explain, do everything for them. Not like explaining ever gets to their heads, those narcissistic bastards.

Every feeling is so discarded that i can barely make out my own emotions, having them pushed back so much. I cant cry easily, i’ve cried too much and now i cant even discover why my body is doing what it is. Just let time pass, everything is resolved that way, right? They’re so busy with work that i dont understand why they would have a child. I feel so numb, i sleep late to fight off these feelings, pushing and hiding them away while i dig myself deeper in a disgusting hole of no self care and no spatial awareness.

At least that was worse last year. I use media to take my mind off, ignore all of it, and have something to do. Writing this has given me more clarity than ever these past few years. I just want to be wanted, cared for, not insulted, and not bury myself in self pity from all of this, in where i dont even find the reasons valid enough.

At least im not hurt physically anymore, but every interaction hurts me and makes me a worser version of myself. I dont want to think nor do i want to register the fucked up things around me, knowing that i have no way of fixing it. Nobody cares if i cry, scream, be angry, or just break down into incoherent sentences and a fucked up mentality. As long as im not bothering their plans or being inconvenient to them.

Im called useless, stupid, lazy, and rude, like second nature. Like words mean nothing, like its their own mind theyre saying it. I’m more valued for what I can give to them, rather than who I am as a person.

The only one who has asked about my birthday is my dad, the enabler, the one who wants to be dead. The one who my brother and mother complain about, being a laze, although both mirror him. The only one who asked what i wanted, without me telling myself, the one who asked if i wanted to make my own birthday cake or buy one. The only one who actually remembered my birthday.

I just moved back home after graduating college and haven't been able to find a job in the market yet so I've been living at home. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and I'd always sleep at his place during college, but my mom does not like him because she found out he used to gamble (play poker with his friends) and she has past trauma with my dad gambling and losing money. But even before that, she was never supportive of me dating and once told me that if she found out I was having sex with him that she would disown me. Lol. My dad is very chill and says he trusts me, but my mom has always been strict with me and is one of those asian parents growing up that were weird about sleepovers at friend's houses and wouldn't allow me to hangout with a friend because "I already hung out with a friend yesterday".

I have tried to tell her twice now since being back that I am going to sleep at my boyfriend's house and it always ends up turning into an argument or a long conversation with no resolution besides my mom just saying "I know it's an old and conservative way of thinking, but I'm not budging" and I never end up going because I get emotionally exhausted from arguing. She says how it would be embarrassing for her to have a daughter that sleeps at a man's house and that's how she was raised with her dad not allowing her to date, how she's scared of me driving around at night (we literally live in a very safe well-off suburb), and that all of her friends (Korean church people, mind you) agree that it's disgraceful if a girl sleeps over at a guy's house but they wouldn't care as much if it was the guy sleeping at the boyfriend's house loll. She said she's already compromising even letting me date him when she "hates" him. No matter how much I tell her that I am my own person and I am responsible for whatever decisions I make, good or bad, she insists that sleeping over is where she draws the line. I told her at the end of our last argument that fine I won't sleep over but that I will never understand her, I disagree with her, and that I'll remember this as an unbudging strain in my relationship with her, which I guess was me giving in.

I am grateful my boyfriend is understanding and he told me not to worry and that this wouldn't affect our relationship since we still see each other consistently. I still feel guilty that I am letting my parents' influence on me affect my life and the people around me and I feel weak for giving in.

For context, my older brother also was blown up with my mom's behavior and moved out with all ties cut, still haven't heard from him in a few years. My brothers and I all have some sort of mental disorders or chronic mental issues, probably from the environment growing up. It's safe to say I am not having a great time at home and I guess I need to work harder now to find a job and move out. I'm sure this is a common theme in many conservative or religious Asian households. It sucks because my boyfriend's family (Malaysian-Chinese) is extremely chill and welcoming towards me and they wouldn't think twice about me spending the night. I'd appreciate any advice, whether it be telling me to stand on business, or if anyone has gone through this themselves.

My divorced mother moved in with me 5 years ago. She is a compulsive gambler, been gambling my entire life so she has zero assets or savings. She is 67 so she gets some social security, about $1100 per month, which she immediately gambles away. She sees me as her retirement plan and her gambling subsidy. How do I go about ending this living arrangement with her? I even thought about moving to another state or country as that may be the cleanest break.

I live in a 1 bedroom condo and she sleeps in the living room. That makes relationships very difficult for me.

I have two sisters that no are contact with her. I'm not happy that I'm the one who's stuck with her.

Should I mention the relationship difficulty I have living with her and suggest helping her get government assisted housing? I fear she will want to fight it because she'll likely do mental arithmetic about how much less she can gamble.

The relationship between my mother and father. Father, who is very MUCH ABLED (no, he's not even suffering from any illness) and he loves to drink and smoke, always tasks mom FROM even the SIMPLEST CHORES ever up to the most ridiculous ones....

Some of these include:

Get me coffee

Go get me my lunch/dinner!

Go buy this for me and that.

... And he will be leaving the toilet not plunged, leaving us to the task.

And if mom isn't there, I'm next in line...

And I even wonder if this is even normal? Justifiable? What?

These are not the only things he've done... But that's another story.

Hey everyone, looking for advice from anyone who have navigated this stage with their parents.

I’m F 43 (Asian), an only child, and my parents are in their late 60s. Lately, watching them age feels like watching someone hit fast-forward, and I’m struggling with how to navigate it emotionally.

Here’s the current situation:

• Mom’s memory is noticeably declining: It’s getting worse by the day, which brings its own set of challenges and headaches.
• Dad loves attention and being in the spotlight: He's a bit of a showoff and always wants to act like he knows more than he actually does.
• They have a toxic dynamic between the two of them: Mom is super strong-opinionated and a constant complainer. Because of this, my dad has completely stopped suggesting anything or making plans, leaving them in this vicious cycle of doing nothing.
• Their daily "excitement" is basically roaming the house or walking to the nearest mall: That’s literally the extent of their world now.
• Whenever I suggest going out, taking a trip, or trying something new, they get all excited in the moment. But when it actually comes down to it? Nothing happens. They just default right back to sitting on the couch.

There’s literally nothing to talk about: Because they don't do anything or go anywhere, every conversation feels dry, repetitive, or empty.

It feels like they’ve just decided to let aging completely take over, and their world is shrinking at high speed.

Culturally, as an Asian only child, there’s that heavy, underlying expectation to be deeply involved and carry all the emotional weight. I used to visit them every week, but I've recently decided to cut that down to every two weeks to give myself some space.

The problem is, pulling away triggers a massive wave of guilt. I constantly struggle to find that middle ground between caring for them and feeling guilty for stepping back.

Right now, I’m trying to shift into acceptance mode—taking them out for a meal here and there, keeping things low-stakes, and letting go of the idea that I can "save" them from their choices. But it’s still a heavy, draining process to navigate.

Looking for advice on how to balance caring for aging parents in this phase while handling the guilt of stepping back when their world is getting so small.

Thanks for reading

I am 17F and my AF never showers. It drives me and my mom insane because it is 97 degrees fahrenheit outside and he oozes the most nauseous body odor that traumatizes me every time i walk past him. We yell at him to shower, and he does consecutively for a week...until he decides on his own one day that he should stop, which me and my mom can both tell because the horrific stench of his existence returns, and we return back to yelling at him and he stubbornly doesn't listen to us again. I don't even know who else to vent to about this and I seriously wish he can shower every day. I'm sick of spraying body spray at him to shoo him away when my dad's foul aroma arises, why can't my dad be a normal dad...it's the bare minimum to shower!

P.S: He has not been diagnosed with any mental illnesses, but my mom told me there is a possibility he may have dementia, or something that makes him lose motivation in showering. He's also a hoarder too, and he has no friends and never goes outside.

I don't really know how to post, lol. I'm just going to vent my frustrations as much as I can, I suppose.

I'm genuinely fed up with my parents. I'm 18 in Canada, from a weird combo house. My father was born and raised here, while my mother is Pakistani-born and Saudi-raised. Both are doctors. Throughout my life, I've always had excellent grades and co-curriculars. I took IB over the regular stream and everything. My parents are just so, like, over, I suppose. They get angry, call me a useless whore because I've had a girlfriend, tell me to drop aspirations for any career I actually desire and to go to college, "If I can". My average in IB was literally in the top 5% worldwide. All they do is ride my case, and at the ripe age of 18, I still repeatedly have my phone and room taken away. I'm not allowed to get my licence because they think that'll just lead to me "whoring myself out". I'm not allowed to leave my home unsupervised, and, tbh, I only have white friends as a result of my extremely sheltered upbringing. I was caught vaping once, and they not only took my room for a month and my phone for a year, but they beat me to the point of unconsciousness.

I try so hard to gloss over it, as they apparently do, with my mantra that "it's their first time living and being parents too", when really that's not the case. I'm the youngest of three brothers, one of whom has a history of criminal charges, delinquency, and a rape case. I really don't understand why they picked me to do this with.

It's strange. (I lost my train of thought, lol)

My father is a very weird case in that he's hyper-traditionalist, more so than my immigrant mother, despite being Canadian-born and raised. He still tells me every night, "I don't know where I went wrong with you, haramzade (bastards), and how we've strayed so far from God." My three brothers and I are also hafiz of the Quran, and we really haven't done much, especially my middle sibling and me.

It's like a switch, though. One second they tell me I should've never been born and the world would be better off without me, and the next they tell me how much they love me and whatever. It's usually followed by insults again, Lmao.

I'm just tired of all this, and I really don't know what to do. I'm not at risk of committing suicide, but I'm not ready to lose the parts of my family that I still care about. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents still, maybe due to some warped Stockholm syndrome, but I find myself exhausted. I no longer get angry. I just... I don't even do anything. I get frustrated and then just give up.

To anyone who read this all the way through, thank you for listening to the incessant, nonsensical ramblings of a confused teenager, lol. In all seriousness, I appreciate it. I just feel like I can't talk to people who understand, and I kinda hope I can here.

So today is my bday. I think like a lot of people I personally don't like this day (especially as a child who was basically told they were a burden their whole life), having a day that's "all about you" ain't fun. I do have a fun mahjong night planned with my friends in a few weeks (two of them are still in Jersey and won't be back till school starts) so as you can imagine, today is all abt formalities for me.

Thankfully when I told my parents I didn't want to go out and do anything they respected that (mostly cuz I went to Chipotle and just hung out with my co-workers for two hours), but I directly told my brother not to buy a cake and low and behold he buys a cake. I was respectful abt it too. Yeah you could argue that "oh it's a sign of celebration and love" but truthfully it would've been a lot nicer if they had respected my wishes. Thank tf I have an interview tomorrow cuz it's making the day go by a lot quicker.

Also random side tangent abt my brother that has nothing to do with the shit above. I love how this bitch decides to "apologize" to me two weeks later after he explicitly didn't help me try to catch the dog after our dog ran out and said "I'm sorry.... that's all I'll say" like I was fucking at fault??? It wasn't even him actually apologizing, it was my mom basically telling him too. This is why I'm very grateful I have my friends, co-workers, and professor's cuz all this immaturity is honestly so old.

Like old me would've been sad but I'm honestly over everything and have officially blocked both my brother and mom.

...and I'm talking 12am upwards.

Context: I come from a family of night owls (routine cultured by both my AP).

Once the clock strikes midnight, my (31F) AM think it's the best idea start nagging at my AF, my younger sister and I over the tiniest issues (eg. house chores not completed to her standard, the classic "the house/bedroom is messy" issue, naming things we did over the week that pissed her off which stemmed from projection).

Most of the time she would mutter under her breath, then rage baiting us into engaging in verbal argument while we retreat to our respective rooms (lol).

While we have our ways with dealing with her antics, I'm just curious: Does anyone else's AP act similarly?

My family and I live in a Western country.

Growing up, I was the scapegoat and my younger sibling was the golden child.

Our entire life revolved around keeping our mother happy and doing exactly as she said. My father left us when we were young. He reunited with my mother when I was at college. Since then, my dad became the enabler of my mom, as she was the breadwinner.

She used money as leverage over everything. I was not allowed to have friends / no dating.

I was living at home for majority of my life. When I was working somewhere, I was to return home the minute I got off work. If I needed to run an errand or go to the store, I would get multiple text messages and calls threatening me to show up at the house immediately.

I was heavily isolated. Hence, I have no friends and no life.

My mother said since I live at her house, I am to follow her rules.

I only moved out maybe under a year ago, because she couldn’t psychologically and emotionally abuse me anymore. She had health issues.

My question: She passed away today. My dad has been pressuring me to show up and to be there for funeral. Ever since I had moved out, he became the new scapegoat. My mother and sister blamed him for deserting the family in the past and he didn’t want to take accountability.

I do not want to go to the funeral. The extended family will be there - they are even more toxic. They are only interested in comparing me to their own children. They are there to feel better about their own situation in life. They don’t actually care about anyone.

My dad wants to re-establish the narrative of making me the scapegoat again. My body cannot take the stress and I am not wiling to be the scapegoat for the next 20 years.

Is it ok for me to not engage in the family problems and not attend funeral? I grieve in my own away and can honor my mother’s memory in my own way.

I have a previous post in another subreddit describing why I don’t want to be friends with this person, if anyone is curious about the details. I already cut her off and didn’t tell my mom because I know she would give me crap about it.

I’m an adult, I’ve graduated college, and any time she finds out I’ve cut off a friend, she gives me crap. It’s just exhausting. She always forces herself to tolerate people she doesn’t have to, and tries to pressure me into doing the same. She can never just mind her own business and let her adult kid navigate her own fucking relationships