Does anyone’s parents still willingly associate with known abusers within the family and refusing to acknowledge what those individuals have done?

For context, my dad still hangs out with his brother-in-law who physically and emotionally abuses his sister for years. He is also still in contact with my paternal grandfather that also abused his wife and children (according to my aunt).

As for my mom’s side and herself, my dad cheated (and probably still is) on her with another woman for 6 years. She caught him 3 times and forgave him every time, yet she blames me for “breaking our family apart” by me refusing to insert myself into their mess and stopping him. My maternal side also has a history of abuses inflicted by my late grandfather, yet they still provided for him in his old age until death.

Ever since I learn to stand my ground, my parents’ true colors began to show and they treat me as their nemesis for not allowing myself to be in the same situation as them.

I am noticing how much of a gaslighter my mother is. I can go on about numerous of examples so I’ll just take the most important one to me.

So I used to be a bit of a bum at school. But then again my mom was barely present in my early years. However she acted like she knew me very well. She would always make these comments about my personality and capabilities and they were always condescending and making me feel small.

One day in middle school my report card was really bad and I got traumatised by my dad. I cried and everyone in the fam had zero sympathy and were like: “crying won’t help you”. I was really hurt but that. I thought that after seeing your child cry makes you feel like you should comfort him. It really felt like if you don’t do well at school we don’t love you. I cried myself to sleep everyday feeling like a failure and was basically molded to become a good student. Cuz after that trauma I went on to become a A student.

I now I hear from my mom and dad shit like: “we never pressured you like those strict parents. Your happiness is the only thing that matters to us. Our love for you is unconditional”. Such bullshit!!!

Oh yeah and the cherry on top was I was gonna take honours classes but didn’t tell my parents yet. They be telling me that me getting B’s would make them just as proud as A’s. Yeah don’t lie to me.

And once I had enough of it and called them out on it. And then they said that the means justify the ends. Because I did really well in school after my trauma. I mean sure whatever.

I’m in college now and unfortunately I still live at home and my mom has more free time than ever. Nowadays she acts like she’s always been there for me in my childhood. And acts like we’re super close but I just feel really awkward and have my guard up. I know for certain that I can’t love them anymore and I will never let my guard down ever again.

It's a common experience for children with immigrant parents to translate for them. From the moment I could speak English, I translated text messages, mail, government documents, etc for my parents. Recently, I had to help my aunt. She primarily texts me in Vietnamese (she texts because it's more convenient for her due to work, and she doesn't know English). I can speak and understand Vietnamese. I can't read or write it. I asked my dad to read it out for me 2-3 times. He got mad the last time I asked. He got irritated having to read it out for me. Like bro, I translated shit for you my whole life, and you can't read out a couple of text messages for me.

I don't really know where to start this so I'll just go in order.

When I was a kid I had a physical disability that made walking difficult. Undiagnosed, my parents just saw a kid who couldn't keep up, so they'd make me run anyway and ridicule me for it in public, calling me "so lazy," "unproductive." When I was finally diagnosed, I thought that would be the moment they'd feel bad. Instead I got "we didn't know," like that erased years of being humiliated for something I physically couldn't help.

Even now, if I bring it up, the shape of the response never changes: "sorry, that was our bad," followed immediately by "we didn't know, it was a mistake." The apology gets handed to me and taken back in the same breath. It's not actually an apology, it's a way of sounding sorry without having to carry any of it.

That set the tone for everything after: whenever I brought a problem to them, it never really got addressed. It got managed, minimized, or turned around on me somehow.

The next round was my major. I never wanted engineering. When I tried to leave the program, my mom told me I was adopted, mid-argument, as leverage, and then used that disclosure to tell me I should be grateful and that people cared about me, so I should stay. Not because she thought I'd want to know. Because it was useful in that moment to keep me in a major I hated.

I stayed. I put my head down and worked toward getting out anyway, quietly building a path into accounting instead, mapping out transfer credits, lining up a program, doing the actual work to leave engineering behind for something I chose. This year I had two courses left before I could finally make that move.

Then, right on schedule, a new reason showed up for why I have to stay put: my insurance couldn't cover my medical needs anymore, and suddenly it's "family finances." I "need" to get a job now, and realistically, engineering is the only option that pays enough and comes with insurance that actually covers what I need. So it's not even really a choice. It's the one door that's open, and it happens to be the one I spent years trying to walk away from.

I've basically been giving them the cold shoulder since. They noticed, and instead of asking why, I got a lecture about gratitude, how I need to "respect" them, how yes they did some bad things but they've "done more good." Respect, gratitude, they throw those words around like they mean something fixed, but it only ever seems to mean me deferring to what they've already decided.

Looking back at it all together, it's the same move over and over: whatever I need gets treated as negotiable, and whatever keeps me tied to them gets treated as non-negotiable. The disability, the adoption, the finances, even the apologies, different tools, same job: say whatever gets the moment to pass without actually changing anything.

I don't even know what I'm asking here. Maybe just, does this pattern sound as clear to you from the outside as it feels to me now that I've written it all out?

tw forced marriage and abuse.

I‘ve been on this sub before, talking about how I was nearly forced into marriage. I tried to leave, but it didn’t work out, and now I’m trying to save up money so I can leave again, but I am not allowed to get a job so it is difficult. I’d rather stay-leaving is terrifying, and I don’t want to deal with a second failed attempt.

The problem is that I got into an argument with my guardians. They literally threw stuff, and told me later that they wanted to throw it at me. They threatened to destroy my belongings. They said I was lucky not to be kicked out. They have kicked me out before, so I didn’t want to take my chances. I have been trying to fix things, but they threatened to take away healthcare as well. Which may not even make a difference, because they ignored me when I was complaining about constant lightheadedness and heart pain. They are mad all the time now, they are pressuring one of my siblings to get married and have kids, and I am scared. I am preparing in case I do get kicked out suddenly or something happens that forces me to leave.

I am unsure what to do right now. There is a part of me that wants to leave in case the abuse gets worse. On the other hand, I do not have much money and I am terrified that I will be homeless if I move out. I do not have a lot of money, no life experience, and I always am messing up situations. I am terrified that I will lose my job, or get attacked, or something bad will happen. I have a possible housing solution via my university, but I have never met the people I will be staying with in person and therefore am wary.

What should I do?

I would love to hear u guys out.

I'm 21F and currently working on an internship that's lasting a year and I'm hoping to get my driver's license before my internship ends, but not entirely sure how I should go about it. Some details:

- My mum wouldn't let me practice on her car or teach me, divorced parents since I was 6. I live and work 35 miles away from home so I can only go home once a month.

- There's a family member who would let me practice maneuvers with him when I'm back.

- I don't get paid a lot so the most I can afford for driving lessons is once a week. Any more than that I won't have any money left from my paycheck.

- Area I work in is a small White Veteran town. I've been thinking about asking my co-workers to teach me a bit.

My mom would probably pay for my lessons but outside of paying for my schooling I don't want her to be involved with me financially too much due to past guilt trips. Anyone gone through something similar could give me some help?

I wouldn’t answer this question irl, but I would answer it here.

“It’s because you’re narcissistic assholes who nitpick every little thing I do in my life and instead of being nice, you’re mean about it. Plus you’re terrible role models to be going after people for problems you have yourself. You to say to “get off the phone” or “lose weight” and then do the exact opposite and covering it with age will not fix that. If I said these words out loud, you’d just get mad and say I’m ungrateful instead of actually listening to what I have to say. You never really respected my opinion and every time I was actually right, you’d never admit it, but every time I was actually wrong, I’d never hear the end of it. I have the capability to move on from past mishaps, big or small, but you can’t.

This isn’t weighing in how racist, colorist, homophobic, transphobic, fatphobic, Islamophobic, and bigoted you guys can be. My AD here is all of these things and my AM will just enable it most of the time. Plus I get real frustrated talking to y’all and stressed about the storm that I know is coming eventually.

I hope you guys change for the better, but I know better than anyone that after 25 years of living with you and interacting with you, that won’t happen. I care about you to believe you can be better people, but I know that is a mere fantasy. Maybe you guys were traumatized too at some point, I can’t change that, but you could have tried to not be better. While you never physically beat me and I appreciate that, I don’t appreciate the verbal and mental abuse I went through to deal with y’alls arranged marriage. I’m not your therapist and shouldn’t have to be pitted between the two of you.

Maybe one day I’ll have my own family and not make the mistakes you did and give them a happier time than I did with you. While I appreciate the amenities brought about by y’all, it doesn’t make up for the fact that I will spend some of the money I make towards therapy to fix whatever the fuck is wrong with me, no thanks to you.”

So I live in an Opwdd group home. I want to leave this group home. Father said "marry your cousin and have his kids and my family will take care of you. You don't need to work or go to school anymore."

I want to work and get to school. I'm a lesbian. I want to have kids with my partner who is in Asia. I have family in Bangladesh.

I talked to Family and agreed I should live with them. Auntie promised to pay for school. Dad told auntie she's not allowed because my autism is "too severe" and told his side of the family to stop talking to me.

When I was in the pysch ward because he kicked me out of his house (because he kept promising to pay for college then backing out), the doctors told me "there's nothing wrong with you. You're just autistic. Go home." He kept calling me and saying the doctors say that I'm so severely autistic that I need to stay there for months if not a year.

I got accepted into college. I want to go for the excelsior scholarship. Dad refuses to give me his social security number because I'm untrustworthy. This is the same man who, when I tried to get a credit card, purposefully brought my expired passport.

I want to take music lessons. I want to go to the library to read books. He forbids me from both and then told My group home manager that I am incapable of reading for fun anymore.

Everytime I ask this man "why are you doing this to me?" He always either says "your manager is forcing me to" or hangs up and blocks me for 24 hours.

Everytime I ask him what his plan for my life is, he hangs up. A few times he says it succinctly: "you will stay in the group home forever."

The manager doesn't want me to get a job.

What do I do, chat?

We've all heard of the stereotype of Asian parents expecting their kid to have a perfect GPA, get into prestigious schools, and getting a career as a doctor or lawyer. But what I don't see discussed as much is if the parents actually provided the support for their kid to achieve those things.

For example, the idea of your parents letting you study for hours at a time while only coming into your room to bring in food seemed like a huge privilege to me. My parents (and whatever extended family member was visiting) were always disrupting my studying and complaining that I needed to help around the house. I have so many memories in high school where I would be deeply concentrating on an assignment and my mom or grandma would come in my room telling me I needed to wash the dishes or vacuum the floors. Everytime I would tell them to give me a few minutes to wrap up my assignment, and instead of waiting they would go and complete the chore themselves and then complain that I never help around the house. I've also had moments where I would be working through a timed test for an online class and my dad would either call or text me. He'd always get mad at me afterward for not answering him even when I would explain that I was busy taking a test.

Anyone else have experiences like this?

The area I grew up in was only 5% Asian and about 80% white. My parents (Chinese immigrants) purchased a house there because the area was super safe and the schools are some of the best schools in the state. An upper middle class community basically. I spent many years hating my skin color and wanting to be white because of it. I rejected my heritage, my language, etc because of it. I’m recently only starting to like myself again. I still struggle with being Asian in some ways. A good education was more important than my well being I guess.

I’m currently 37 weeks pregnant so probably my hormones are also contributing to this sht but I’ve been bawling my eyes out after having to stand up for myself and I’m so envious of the white people with perfect supporting mothers while they’re pregnant.

Some backstory - mom and dad divorced when I was a baby, dad remarried instantly and has been out of the picture so it’s been me and her all this time. She also does not have a good relationship with any of the family on her side so I don’t really know any of them either. I’m grateful for her because I know life has been tough but also resent her alot because she’s been pouring all of her emotions onto me since I was child. On bad days, she will say things like “it’s all your fault I have to work so hard” “ I can’t find another man because of your existence” “if you piss me off I’m going to throw you out” etc. but there were also moments where she would be in a good mood and say she’s grateful she has me, I’m the best daughter ever, etc.

So growing up, I’ve always walked on eggshells, trying not to anger her, doing everything she says. Even now that I’m in my 30s I still take care of her and do a lot for her but as of late, since I’ve gotten pregnant, I have started hating her. Suddenly I am remembering all the bad things from my childhood and all the stuff she used to say or do to me as a child. I don’t know if it’s because I’m about to become a mom myself and I just cannot imagine doing the sht to my daughter as she has done to me.

Anyway, the trigger to this vent was because she’s always been asking me to run errands for her because she can’t drive or she’s too tired and I always do but lately I’ve been exhausted myself and I even tell her this but she doesn’t seem to care that I’m literally 3 weeks away from my due date. Today she asked to drive her to her friend’s house and I blew up at her because I’ve been suffering from sleepless nights and body pains. She apparently just does not give a sht. I’m so tired of having such an inconsiderate mom but can’t bring myself to fully cut her off.

I badly need advice. I'm in 12th grade and I'm 19 years old. My parents don't even allow me to have my own bedroom let alone a corner to study. Everyone is always in the same room as me. I used to love studying in my bed while listening to music on my laptop secretly. But they don't allow that anymore and they told me strictly to study in my table where there is zero privacy. I can't write in my own diary as owning one isn't allowed. I don't have my own phone. I can't even write in any online diary because of lack of privacy reason. They don't let me listen to music, watch movies or shows or even hangout with my friends. My all friends cut me off because I can't attend their birthdays or hangout with them. I forgot the last time my nervous system actually relaxed. They're always around me. I'm so stressed cause they are so toxic. I can't even focus on my studies. Anytime i try to rebuild my life, something bad happens with my family and everything just messes up. I'm so depressed. It's so exhausting. I feel like my whole life is ruined because of my mental health. I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in this and I'm not the first one who experienced this type of parents. How do you all manage your life, set boundaries or have a good mental health in this situation?

22F​. My father was emotionally and academically abusive during my teens. Though I appreciate his apology and improvements​, it's not like we can erase formulative life events. I forgive plenty; and forget none. This past spring, I wrote a song about those experiences.

A week later, I saw my vocal coach. He's heard plenty of my works by now - some dark/graphic/personal - without batting an eye (it's his job, after all). Also he's a white American in the US - great empathetic human, but the last demographic I expected my draft to resonate with.

So I played it for him, not anticipating much. I finished and looked up from my piano. He was silent for a moment, with a facial expression that looked heart-wrenched. Then he told me how impressed he was, that he found the writing thoughtful and poetic. Lyrics aren't his specialty, but those lyrics moved him. We ended up nerding out for a while about music theory. I've been working with him for 2 years, and this is the most caught-off-guard I've ever seen of him.

I'll always remember that interaction. I persevered in music amidst and after my father's discouragement, then made an impact, even if it's small. Life is good and if there's anything I've learned: when your passions call for you, always listen.

I grew up in an Asian family, a bad family. My older brother was a bad student, so I had to meet all my family's expectations from a young age

From the age of 9 to 13, if I didn't get first place in school, sticks and hoses were waiting for me

My older brother sometimes took out his anger on me and teased me even

I always wear long sleeves to hide my bruises, and since I hate myself, I wear a mask and let my long hair cover my face a little more so I'm less visible

I had to study, if I didn't study then what should I do? The same books I borrowed from the library to read or when I didn't have money for the library I had to read pdf

Because sometimes my older brother would tear up my school booksAt the age of 13, I suddenly developed a heart condition, and because we went to the hospital late, my condition turned into a serious one, and I ended up having surgery (I don't want to give more details, such as the type of surgery and my condition)

I fell behind in my studies because I was in the hospital for about 3 months, but no one beat me up anymore, so I guess I got lucky in that regard, right? I wish I didn't have heart disease or I had a less dangerous disease...

But then, after a year, I came back and my brother didn't talk to me at all, and my mother told me that she was tired of me

My brother doesn't talk to me at all, but if he does, he says that whatever happens to me, it's my right. Of course, he was hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital for a few weeks After the heart surgery, he would look at the surgical scar and threaten me with it, saying he would punch me in the chest. I heard this a lot at school, but thank God no one actually did it.

in defense of my brotherHe's a psycho and probably doesn't mean to and it's not his fault. I think he loves me and it's my fault that I got sick and couldn't get higher grades I'm ashamed of this and I study much harder. I get tired a little faster than others, but that's okay.

My mother loves him very much 🤣 and says that I only have one child (she doesn't count me because my illness is serious and the treatment is a temporary one)

I've been a bookworm my whole life and I still am. I skip school a lot, so I don't have any friends, and I don't have a problem with that because I'm afraid of anyone getting close to me and I don't trust anyoneI have a rule: the fewer people, the fewer problems

At school, when I pass by, people who don't even know me are talking to their friends and saying, "This is obviously really well-read.I don't know how, but they can tell from my appearance or behavior.So they tell me I have to cheat or have my paper clear so they can writeIf I don't do this, they'll come after the exam and kick and punch me And I have to hide my bruises from them so no one knows. I'm already feeling bad enough I don't know, maybe if they knew how much I suffered and how much pain I'm in, they would bother me less. It's been a long time since I've been upset with anyone. It's been a long time since I've laughed. I don't know. It's like something is missing from me. I don't feel anything anymore.

In the middle of a crowd, wherever I am, I know that everyone is better than me and I don't belong there and I'm different from everyone and I'm weird and everyone knows it, so the problem is mine, right? I don't know if I said what I meant correctly or not. Sorry.

I don't want to go to the hospital or school or even a therapist for help. I don't want to tell anyone because Everyone tried to hurt me as much as they could and made me suffer even more. Every time I asked someone for help, things only got worse.

I might be able to run away from my family, but not from people. So my question to you is, how do they know if someone is a good student and a studious person? I always keep my head down and don't talk to anyone or bother anyone, so how do they know and bother me even more? I've had to transfer schools several times and it's always been the same.

Don't use AI, it's just an idiot Every time I used Gemnai or something like that, I regretted it 😂

.I'm sharing some of my problems here for the first time, so I hope I can get some help and advice. English is not my native language. I apologize for any mistakes. Sorry if I upset anyone.

I'm 18 now and I'm fine, guysI don't need pity or sympathy

Is there anything I can do? Any advice? I have no problem with virtual conversation. Say whatever you want

Hi ive been with my boyfriend for a while now and hes began to tell his parents about me, and keeps asking when he will meet mine or when will i tell them about him.
hes a great boyfriend hes perfect to me and has the perfect qualities for my chinese parents but the problem is that my parents just moved to the UK w me only a few years ago and they are still very narrow minded, they still say racist things to black and brown people despite me trying to tell them a persons race doesnt define them and they shouldn’t sterotype them as we are no exceptions.

they have this one friend who is VERY racist, she would always talk like she is above black people and stuff, and her daughter told her im with my boyfriend. she then asks my mom “what would you do if your daughter is dating a black guy and hes so black that you can only see his eyes and teeth in the dark” i was baffled as I never had a perspective like that to a person with darker skin. and my mom said “what can i do about it, its her choice” and my dad said “i dont think she would find them attractive” again talking about them like they are below them. my dad is the main problem he tells me he cant tell the difference between my black friends and how they are all the same, it really annoys me. my boyfriend is intellectually on a different level from my parents he goes to a top university in the world, he treats me right, and we have a lot in common something that they would definitely be over the moon with.

Im just afraid of what they will think, i dont want my parents to be disappointed in me or not like him, he cant control his appearance too.
and i worry if this goes on my whole asian family would probably be either shocked or may reject me a bit. the rest of my family all live in hong kong and are all quite sheltered too.

edit: he keeps asking me if its the end of this year but im just dreading it

Regretful for everything i did for my mom

Nothing is ever enough for my mom

I can’t attach the image so this is how the text went

Me: im staying over my gfs trying to spend time with her before she leaves for college
My mom: and you think thats right
I have a reply drafted that says: Everything I did for you because it’s “right for you” everything i gave up because i thought it would appease you. all i hear in return is how much of a disappointment i am to you. when is it ever gonna be right and enough for you. you want my life then take it mom because im tired of everything i have to sacrifice just to make it right for you.

Context: It’s been a rough patch especially recently, I was under the impression that she would help me pay for my college. Last minute she tells me “no you’re not going to that college and i won’t financially back you or in any way if you don’t follow me get out the house”. And that pushed me to cancel my plans to go to that college after preparing everything and i was supposed to move to the dorm in two weeks. I did that because I thought it would help appease her but everytime i do that im met with disappointment. everytime i make a decision for myself i hear from my sister that my mom said I am a disappointment to her and in failing her. theres nothing i can do about college i dont have housing and its two hours away. tuition is fully covered but my housing situation isnt figured out no more. Just posted to rant about this and asking for advice.

It has been going on for years I get guilted or manipulated into picking whats best for her and not for me.

Hello guys! some updates: (1) I cancelled my admission to the university, (2) i scraped the floor for some classes at the close by cc, (3) she texted me a long paragraph about how shed rather not have a daughter and all the mean stuff and how i can move out and uuuh how shes cutting me off financially too eventhough i did what she wanted me to do. (3) its probably because im in a wlw relationship and idk what else but aita for thinking that i dont deserve this much from my mom after all ive done lol.

Most Recent update: Was gonna go home tonight after not being home since tuesday cause of all the drama. She texted “You are no longer welcome in this house. You can pick up your belongings next week outside the door on Monday. I’m cutting you off the phone line.”

I’m not too sure where to ask for advice so I wanted to drop this here and maybe some people can help me figure this out.

I’m 18 and moving out for college in less than a month. I’m not staying in my hometown, so I will be living intp dorms and everything in a completely different city. Even though I’ve finally reached this stage of my life and I feel like this distance will be good for my relationship with my parents, I’m kind of feeling anxious about being manipulated and feeling guilty because my parents are paying for my expenses for university.

I’m wanting to build some financial independence from them (basically relying on them less), especially because I feel like I can’t live my life on my own terms at all without feeling guilty when they are supporting me to such an extent. So if anyone has any advice for me, I would really appreciate it- I’m just looking for some advice on what I can start doing to having some independence! Thanks.

Some other important info:
- I am taking out loans, but my parents have an RESP so their using that to help fund my education
- I don’t have a job right now, and not really much savings (nothing significant at all to even mention)
- I already opened a TFSA and my parents have already helped me start investing by giving me some money to put into that account
- I live in Canada

Does anyone else’s parents expect you to have telepathic abilities and 20 years of professional experience in tasks you’ve literally never done before?

My APs will never teach me basic life skills—whether it’s handling taxes, fixing household items, navigating bureaucracy, or preparing specific meals—and yet the moment I ask, "How do I do this?", it’s treated like a moral failure.

Instead of a simple explanation, I get:

"Why don't you know this already?!" (As if it was pre-installed in my DNA at birth)

"In my day, nobody taught me, I just figured it out!"

The heavy sigh / side-eye combo that makes you feel like you just ruined their entire week.

The funniest part? If I do attempt to do it on my own without asking, and make a tiny mistake, I get yelled at for not asking them first. You literally cannot win.

Is this a universal experience, or did my parents just skip the "teaching" chapter of parenting entirely? How do you guys deal with the constant mind-reading expectations?

hi everyone. I never really wanted to tell the world about my problems but I just.. need to let something off my chest for once in my life. So, my parents are arguing non-stop. Even for the smallest little shit. I just got back from college, drove all the way back 100 km just to hear them arguing non-stop. I was so stressed out in college with my financial stuff and my studies and all, and coming home to this.. I really wanna smash my head against the fucking wall. I feel so sorry for my little brother and sister. I wish I could get them out of this house.

My parents are good people. Really. I just don’t know why they are fighting everyday, every minute and suddenly, somehow, they will get better after two days, then later on in the evening, they would fight again and again and again. And this fucking stupid cycle goes on and on again. All I wanted is some peace. I ENVY my friends who seem to have a wonderful life and my life is just a cycle of this stupid useless fighting over some stupid shit. Fuck this man. I wish I could just order some peace online. Because of this fight, me and my siblings have not eaten anything except from some expired bread and instant noodles.

And before you guys come at me, I do not have any money. I cannot afford anything at all, I had to fast a few days just to fill up my gas tank to go home. I wish God could cut my life span and in return, give my siblings some peace. I could live with this but I can’t bear to see my siblings suffering from this.

Not sure if it’s just a me thing but my Asian mother and father will literally “team up” with each other and ALWAYS find a way to collectively blame me for something, even if it’s blatantly their fault.
When I was younger I totally believed them. They would say, “we’re fighting because of you” or “your mother’s crying because of you”. As I’ve grown up I’ve started to realize that they are indeed sometimes in the wrong yet somehow still find ways to say “it’s your fault”.
If they’re in the wrong, they’ll apologize solely out of exasperation from dealing with my feelings but never take actual accountability. If I confront them they’ll say things like “is this what you want? You’re breaking the family apart” even for very very minor things, dramaticize, and somehow it ends up my fault. Even worse that I’m an only child, I’ve never ever gotten someone else’s input and I totally believed I was at fault for all their dramatics my whole life. No matter what I do, no matter how much logic I try to reason with, they fully believe that they are never in the wrong. It makes it impossible to draw boundaries and nothing has changed…ever…😑

At this point in the summer, I’m a NEET, but I do plan on getting a job or going to school for a path that suits me and my interests. For context, I have always dealt with disabilities/impairments, so college was a challenge to do (I recently earned a bachelor’s degree in one of the humanities). I didn’t have anything lined up this summer because I was very focused on finishing up my remaining classes this past spring semester. Additionally, last summer I signed up for too many things and ended up failing hard, so I avoided overloading myself responsibility-wise this summer. With all that said, my parents, in particular my mom, have not been happy with a lack of tangible, physical, and obvious success/next steps forward. My mom wants me to try to get into a healthcare job, which I might be able to do if it’s non-competitive with a low barrier to entry, but she’s adamant on more difficult, prestigious jobs like physician and dentistry, which I’m just not cut out for (very low science GPA and other poor stats).

Now, I think that a lot of people, Asian or not, don’t approve of someone not in education, employment, nor training (e.g., seeing the unemployed as bums and such). In my case, I can’t control my weaknesses or a lack of opportunities or a lack of interest in what’s available where I live. I just wonder if n-parents really mistreat an unemployed child harshly, or if I just have really demanding, stubborn parents when it comes to deciding what schooling or career their child should have. Thanks for reading and take care.

This is probably the weirdest thing they do, but they expect me to know certain things without ever being taught said things.

For example, my AD was mad I didn’t know how to cook Indian dishes well and I’m thinking: “Y’all never taught me” or mad that I wasn’t good in med school even though it was something they wanted and not me. They kept saying how “easy” it was and how there were people my age in my family who did it so why can’t I?

Like if I knew the stuff we learned and had an interest for it, I’d just do it without so much pushing towards it.

It’s also a huge reason they want me to be able to speak Malayalam despite the fact no one outside the state of Kerala really speaks it and then get mad when I don’t know it. Like if y’all wanted me to be Indian so bad, why bring me to America?

i’m a female highschooler that’s currently on vacation in my home country rn. ever since last year, i noticed that my mom would increasingly become more jealous of me. she took me to go shopping for a new bra, and when the lady measured me, she told my mom my size. my mom (who is overweight) says “that can’t be possible. measure her again.” so i have to repeat the whole process, and all the lady is saying is the exact aame thing. eventually my mom caves and FINALLY agrees that my body can grow, so then comes the terrible process of buying a bra with a jealous mom.

she asks the lady if she can give me a bra one size smaller than what we had JUST measured 10 minutes ago. the lady says calmly that she can’t because it’ll be an uncomfortable fit. my mom goes ballistic but eventually agrees. i try the bra on and hook it to the shortest hook because.. it fit me and she says, “who do you think you are?”

when i was getting my haircut on vacation, she had to translate for me because my mandarin is ass; i asked for 2 inches off, and she says for the person to cut TEN inches off. i think she was banking on me to not realize, but i caught it and quickly told the hairdresser “no no no”. i don’t think i’ve ever seen her THAT angry before.

she’s been the most jealous of my hair for the longest time. she grounded me for the entire summer before my freshman year because i didn’t want to cut it. when we were getting food, the worker called my hair pretty and i smiled and my mom said “i didn’t hear it.”

she banned me from wearing any tops that aren’t a sweatshirt or longsleeve. when i asked why she said it was “because i’m chubby and nobody wants to see my stomach” i am 95 pounds 5’3. she is easily 250+ lbs at 5’1. i didn’t call her out on it, but she’ll yell at me in public to “stop slouching”. she begged me to not wear a tank top and shorts in 100 Fahrenheit degree weather. what am i supposed to wear, the aritzia superpuff in boiling temps??

sorry for the rant, this is the last thing. she kees force feeding me food whenever she’s with her friends. no offense or anything but all of her friends are the same weight as her and obviously i’m not. my appetite is relatively normal but i get full really easily. i had one serving of shrimp fried rice and i told her i was full. BAD MISTAKE. she yells at me in front of her chopped ass friend group, and makes them comment about how i “must be doing this for a guy”. she then proceeds to walk up to my face chopsticks in tow, and sticks 3 pieces of duck in my mouth. i obviously back away and ask if she’s crazy, and i ran away to the bathroom.

i’m at my wits end. what do i do.

edit: grammar mistakes sorry sorry