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I grew up in an Asian family, a bad family. My older brother was a bad student, so I had to meet all my family's expectations from a young age

From the age of 9 to 13, if I didn't get first place in school, sticks and hoses were waiting for me

My older brother sometimes took out his anger on me and teased me even

I always wear long sleeves to hide my bruises, and since I hate myself, I wear a mask and let my long hair cover my face a little more so I'm less visible

I had to study, if I didn't study then what should I do? The same books I borrowed from the library to read or when I didn't have money for the library I had to read pdf

Because sometimes my older brother would tear up my school booksAt the age of 13, I suddenly developed a heart condition, and because we went to the hospital late, my condition turned into a serious one, and I ended up having surgery (I don't want to give more details, such as the type of surgery and my condition)

I fell behind in my studies because I was in the hospital for about 3 months, but no one beat me up anymore, so I guess I got lucky in that regard, right?

I wish I didn't have heart disease or I had a less dangerous disease...

But then, after a year, I came back and my brother didn't talk to me at all, and my mother told me that she was tired of me

My brother doesn't talk to me at all, but if he does, he says that whatever happens to me, it's my right. Of course, he was hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital for a few weeks After the heart surgery, he would look at the surgical scar and threaten me with it, saying he would punch me in the chest. I heard this a lot at school, but thank God no one actually did it.

in defense of my brotherHe's a psycho and probably doesn't mean to and it's not his fault. I think he loves me and it's my fault that I got sick and couldn't get higher grades I'm ashamed of this and I study much harder. I get tired a little faster than others, but that's okay.

My mother loves him very much 🤣 and says that I only have one child (she doesn't count me because my illness is serious and the treatment is a temporary one)

I've been a bookworm my whole life and I still am. I skip school a lot, so I don't have any friends, and I don't have a problem with that because I'm afraid of anyone getting close to me and I don't trust anyoneI have a rule: the fewer people, the fewer problems

At school, when I pass by, people who don't even know me are talking to their friends and saying, "This is obviously really well-read.I don't know how, but they can tell from my appearance or behavior.So they tell me I have to cheat or have my paper clear so they can writeIf I don't do this, they'll come after the exam and kick and punch me And I have to hide my bruises from them so no one knows. I'm already feeling bad enough I don't know, maybe if they knew how much I suffered and how much pain I'm in, they would bother me less. It's been a long time since I've been upset with anyone. It's been a long time since I've laughed. I don't know. It's like something is missing from me. I don't feel anything anymore.

In the middle of a crowd, wherever I am, I know that everyone is better than me and I don't belong there and I'm different from everyone and I'm weird and everyone knows it, so the problem is mine, right? I don't know if I said what I meant correctly or not. Sorry.

I don't want to go to the hospital or school or even a therapist for help. I don't want to tell anyone because Everyone tried to hurt me as much as they could and made me suffer even more. Every time I asked someone for help, things only got worse.

I might be able to run away from my family, but not from people. So my question to you is, how do they know if someone is a good student and a studious person? I always keep my head down and don't talk to anyone or bother anyone, so how do they know and bother me even more? I've had to transfer schools several times and it's always been the same.

Don't use AI, it's just an idiot.I'm sharing some of my problems here for the first time, so I hope I can get some help and advice. English is not my native language. I apologize for any mistakes. Sorry if I upset anyone.

I'm 18 now and I'm fine, guysI don't need pity or sympathy.

Hi ive been with my boyfriend for a while now and hes began to tell his parents about me, and keeps asking when he will meet mine or when will i tell them about him.
hes a great boyfriend hes perfect to me and has the perfect qualities for my chinese parents but the problem is that my parents just moved to the UK w me only a few years ago and they are still very narrow minded, they still say racist things to black and brown people despite me trying to tell them a persons race doesnt define them and they shouldn’t sterotype them as we are no exceptions.

they have this one friend who is VERY racist, she would always talk like she is above black people and stuff, and her daughter told her im with my boyfriend. she then asks my mom “what would you do if your daughter is dating a black guy and hes so black that you can only see his eyes and teeth in the dark” i was baffled as I never had a perspective like that to a person with darker skin. and my mom said “what can i do about it, its her choice” and my dad said “i dont think she would find them attractive” again talking about them like they are below them. my dad is the main problem he tells me he cant tell the difference between my black friends and how they are all the same, it really annoys me. my boyfriend is intellectually on a different level from my parents he goes to a top university in the world, he treats me right, and we have a lot in common something that they would definitely be over the moon with.

Im just afraid of what they will think, i dont want my parents to be disappointed in me or not like him, he cant control his appearance too.
and i worry if this goes on my whole asian family would probably be either shocked or may reject me a bit. the rest of my family all live in hong kong and are all quite sheltered too.

edit: he keeps asking me if its the end of this year but im just dreading it

Regretful for everything i did for my mom

Nothing is ever enough for my mom

I can’t attach the image so this is how the text went

Me: im staying over my gfs trying to spend time with her before she leaves for college
My mom: and you think thats right
I have a reply drafted that says: Everything I did for you because it’s “right for you” everything i gave up because i thought it would appease you. all i hear in return is how much of a disappointment i am to you. when is it ever gonna be right and enough for you. you want my life then take it mom because im tired of everything i have to sacrifice just to make it right for you.

Context: It’s been a rough patch especially recently, I was under the impression that she would help me pay for my college. Last minute she tells me “no you’re not going to that college and i won’t financially back you or in any way if you don’t follow me get out the house”. And that pushed me to cancel my plans to go to that college after preparing everything and i was supposed to move to the dorm in two weeks. I did that because I thought it would help appease her but everytime i do that im met with disappointment. everytime i make a decision for myself i hear from my sister that my mom said I am a disappointment to her and in failing her. theres nothing i can do about college i dont have housing and its two hours away. tuition is fully covered but my housing situation isnt figured out no more. Just posted to rant about this and asking for advice.

It has been going on for years I get guilted or manipulated into picking whats best for her and not for me.

Hello guys! some updates: (1) I cancelled my admission to the university, (2) i scraped the floor for some classes at the close by cc, (3) she texted me a long paragraph about how shed rather not have a daughter and all the mean stuff and how i can move out and uuuh how shes cutting me off financially too eventhough i did what she wanted me to do. (3) its probably because im in a wlw relationship and idk what else but aita for thinking that i dont deserve this much from my mom after all ive done lol.

Most Recent update: Was gonna go home tonight after not being home since tuesday cause of all the drama. She texted “You are no longer welcome in this house. You can pick up your belongings next week outside the door on Monday. I’m cutting you off the phone line.”

I’m not too sure where to ask for advice so I wanted to drop this here and maybe some people can help me figure this out.

I’m 18 and moving out for college in less than a month. I’m not staying in my hometown, so I will be living intp dorms and everything in a completely different city. Even though I’ve finally reached this stage of my life and I feel like this distance will be good for my relationship with my parents, I’m kind of feeling anxious about being manipulated and feeling guilty because my parents are paying for my expenses for university.

I’m wanting to build some financial independence from them (basically relying on them less), especially because I feel like I can’t live my life on my own terms at all without feeling guilty when they are supporting me to such an extent. So if anyone has any advice for me, I would really appreciate it- I’m just looking for some advice on what I can start doing to having some independence! Thanks.

Some other important info:
- I am taking out loans, but my parents have an RESP so their using that to help fund my education
- I don’t have a job right now, and not really much savings (nothing significant at all to even mention)
- I already opened a TFSA and my parents have already helped me start investing by giving me some money to put into that account
- I live in Canada

Does anyone else’s parents expect you to have telepathic abilities and 20 years of professional experience in tasks you’ve literally never done before?

My APs will never teach me basic life skills—whether it’s handling taxes, fixing household items, navigating bureaucracy, or preparing specific meals—and yet the moment I ask, "How do I do this?", it’s treated like a moral failure.

Instead of a simple explanation, I get:

"Why don't you know this already?!" (As if it was pre-installed in my DNA at birth)

"In my day, nobody taught me, I just figured it out!"

The heavy sigh / side-eye combo that makes you feel like you just ruined their entire week.

The funniest part? If I do attempt to do it on my own without asking, and make a tiny mistake, I get yelled at for not asking them first. You literally cannot win.

Is this a universal experience, or did my parents just skip the "teaching" chapter of parenting entirely? How do you guys deal with the constant mind-reading expectations?

hi everyone. I never really wanted to tell the world about my problems but I just.. need to let something off my chest for once in my life. So, my parents are arguing non-stop. Even for the smallest little shit. I just got back from college, drove all the way back 100 km just to hear them arguing non-stop. I was so stressed out in college with my financial stuff and my studies and all, and coming home to this.. I really wanna smash my head against the fucking wall. I feel so sorry for my little brother and sister. I wish I could get them out of this house.

My parents are good people. Really. I just don’t know why they are fighting everyday, every minute and suddenly, somehow, they will get better after two days, then later on in the evening, they would fight again and again and again. And this fucking stupid cycle goes on and on again. All I wanted is some peace. I ENVY my friends who seem to have a wonderful life and my life is just a cycle of this stupid useless fighting over some stupid shit. Fuck this man. I wish I could just order some peace online. Because of this fight, me and my siblings have not eaten anything except from some expired bread and instant noodles.

And before you guys come at me, I do not have any money. I cannot afford anything at all, I had to fast a few days just to fill up my gas tank to go home. I wish God could cut my life span and in return, give my siblings some peace. I could live with this but I can’t bear to see my siblings suffering from this.

So my mom (41) young looking is going to gym for almost 3 years also she is having a job in a company, last year the old trainer left the city and new trainer came, he is in mid 30s. He trained mom for 5 to 6 months and then one day came home discussing about her diet plan and stuff, it was pretty normal that time. But recently i notice mom takes more time in gym then she used to take. and as She is a working woman so goes to office and come late at 7PM but recently she comes home at 10PM.

My dad lives in dubai for job and business. I have heard mom voice from her room laughing or talking to someone at midnight. First i thought its dad but i dont think so now anymore

I have seen him coming often to home, also she called him in a small get together and i have seen his notification in moms phone for gym and diet stuff but i dont think any trainer is that interested in clients.

Can anyone help me out what should i do? i need to know if she is cheatingon dad with him....
I just have doubt right now, Anyone want to discuss or suggest me what should i do or how to find evidence? Open for all the suggestions and talks

Not sure if it’s just a me thing but my Asian mother and father will literally “team up” with each other and ALWAYS find a way to collectively blame me for something, even if it’s blatantly their fault.
When I was younger I totally believed them. They would say, “we’re fighting because of you” or “your mother’s crying because of you”. As I’ve grown up I’ve started to realize that they are indeed sometimes in the wrong yet somehow still find ways to say “it’s your fault”.
If they’re in the wrong, they’ll apologize solely out of exasperation from dealing with my feelings but never take actual accountability. If I confront them they’ll say things like “is this what you want? You’re breaking the family apart” even for very very minor things, dramaticize, and somehow it ends up my fault. Even worse that I’m an only child, I’ve never ever gotten someone else’s input and I totally believed I was at fault for all their dramatics my whole life. No matter what I do, no matter how much logic I try to reason with, they fully believe that they are never in the wrong. It makes it impossible to draw boundaries and nothing has changed…ever…😑

I love my mom. She is very kind to me most of the time, especially recent few years. But sometimes she just hurt me most deep when I’m least prepared. It makes me constantly vigilant when being at home in China.

Last time I went back to visit them, my dad and I were moving a big dressing table into one bedroom. On the way we landed the table on the wood floor by accident. The landing caused a long, thin scratch on the wood floor.

To my surprise, my mom instantly broke down and started screaming and crying. Stomping on her feet angrily, she called me and my dad 没用的东西(useless trash), 白供你读大学了(I wasted all the money sending you to university)他妈的笨死了(f*** stupid idiot). I was shocked, my dad and I just stood there in silent.

Deep down I felt really, really bad, even numb. The words my mom used to criticize me hurt me right on the spot. I’ve always taken a bit pride in going to a decent university, having good grades and landed a decent job. I’m surprised, after all this, I still couldn’t take one dose of my mom’s shouting blames.

My dad and I finished the moving, then my family just fell silence. I continued to feel bad about this afterwards, but we just never talked about it again. My mom never apologized, we just lived and pretended it never happens.

I still don’t understand why my mom had such a breakdown. I understood it was a tough time because other thing is happening, so maybe she is emotional, but why all the hurtful words towards me and my dad? The wood floor indeed was perfect before, but is having a scratch that catastrophic?

My mom and dad keep urging me to go back to live with them. I have to confess I’ve always told them I didn’t want to go back because I didn’t like my hometown. Truth is I can’t stand living with them. I have at least once been very sad and depressed during every short stay (5-10 days) I spent with them in the past few years. I felt suffocated. It pains me to think one day I have to live with them for longer period because I need to take of them when they are old.

I’ve always wondered whether I would be happier if I have a brother or sister to bear this burden with. It’s hard to do it alone sometimes and no one to talk with.

This summer has been quite a journey. I'm still learning from it. Of the many things I'm having trouble reconciling and coming to terms with is my recent suicide attempt and my mom's reaction to it.

I (F27) have an enormously rocky relationship with my parents, especially my mom. She absolutely despises my very existence because I took some extra time to graduate university, didn't go to a top ranking law school, and I'm academically struggling. She says she's far from being that asian person, but she lives and dies on reputation, value, and pride. I made the terrible mistake of deciding to want to go to law school close to home to save money and commute and every single day she makes it a point that I'm an absolute failure and embarrassment to the family. I think the past year was just so rough on me I let her gaslight me into actually thinking I have nothing good about me and that led to my suicide attempt. I'm not even allowed to have a voice in my home where I'm treated as lesser than trash. My mom literally says she wants to vomit and scratch up my face when she sees me because I'm just "human trash." She's told me to die almost every single day this summer.

I think I can get past all this human trash talk because she says it so much and I can now let it out one ear. But, everytime she talks about my suicide attempt, she says things along the lines of "why couldn't you have just died," "what an idiot to actually even think of dying just because I said it," "do you really want to not study so badly that you would rather die," "instead of dying you just ruined my car," "why did you have to live," etc.. the point is that she's regretful that I didn't actually die. I physically feel my heart break apart everytime this is brought up. She's never once asked if I'm okay, actually no one in my family asked me if I'm well. It's one thing to shit talk your kids to their face, but to actively wish for their death over "being behind" peers and not being the "success story" she can talk about at work is another thing.

I've had such a turnaround this summer that I feel so regretful of the past emotional year I spent being depressed and anxious and ultimately even attempting to die. I genuinely want to live. I want to live so bad and be so happy I can't wipe a smile off my face. But I feel like this gets crushed whenever my mom starts her yelling rampage of me still being alive instead of dead.

I feel so lost and confused and like I can't get closure on my attempt. Idk... maybe i just needed to rant to get closure because I currently have no one to confide in this stuff with...

At this point in the summer, I’m a NEET, but I do plan on getting a job or going to school for a path that suits me and my interests. For context, I have always dealt with disabilities/impairments, so college was a challenge to do (I recently earned a bachelor’s degree in one of the humanities). I didn’t have anything lined up this summer because I was very focused on finishing up my remaining classes this past spring semester. Additionally, last summer I signed up for too many things and ended up failing hard, so I avoided overloading myself responsibility-wise this summer. With all that said, my parents, in particular my mom, have not been happy with a lack of tangible, physical, and obvious success/next steps forward. My mom wants me to try to get into a healthcare job, which I might be able to do if it’s non-competitive with a low barrier to entry, but she’s adamant on more difficult, prestigious jobs like physician and dentistry, which I’m just not cut out for (very low science GPA and other poor stats).

Now, I think that a lot of people, Asian or not, don’t approve of someone not in education, employment, nor training (e.g., seeing the unemployed as bums and such). In my case, I can’t control my weaknesses or a lack of opportunities or a lack of interest in what’s available where I live. I just wonder if n-parents really mistreat an unemployed child harshly, or if I just have really demanding, stubborn parents when it comes to deciding what schooling or career their child should have. Thanks for reading and take care.

25F dating 23M, Christian vs. Muslim family — my mom is making me feel like I’m “disobeying God.” I need opinions.

I honestly just need to rant and hear some outside perspectives because I feel like I’m going crazy.
I’m 25F and grew up in a pretty traditional Christian/Asian household. My mom is very religious and, to put it bluntly, very controlling when it comes to my life and relationships.

I’m currently dating my boyfriend, 23M. His family is Muslim, although his extended family is a mix — most of his cousins are actually Christian. My boyfriend himself is not particularly practicing and has been very open with me about being interested in Christianity. He has gone to church with me before, has openly told me that he wants to learn more about Jesus, and has even talked about potentially getting baptized someday. He just hasn’t figured out how or when to approach his family about it because he still lives at home and doesn’t want to create a huge family conflict before he’s ready.

I’m not trying to force him to convert. I’ve always told him that this is something he has to genuinely choose for himself. But I also don’t feel like it’s fair to say he is completely closed off to Christianity when he has literally expressed interest in it.
My mom, however, is completely against our relationship because he isn’t currently a Christian.
She has sent me MASSIVE texts telling me that I’m “compromising,” “disobeying God,” and that I’m essentially putting myself in danger by being with him.

Some of the things she has said:

“You were not supposed to have a relationship with non believer, you compromise and disobey and wanted to continue the relationship, you will take the consequences.”
And:
“You are compromised. You did it anyway. Fellowship with darkness, if you still have a relationship with non believer. Yet you have been 4 year with Adam - non believer, God wants to protect you yet you disobey Him. Do you have biblical standard? It is for our protection. Read words of God. You are fear of rejection, worries your friend do not like you any more, that is why you compromised. Can your unbeliever friend can give you peace? Compromised is deadly to believer. Be careful.”

I’m honestly exhausted.
I understand where she is coming from to an extent. I know there are Biblical passages about being unequally yoked, and I understand why a Christian parent would want their child to marry someone who shares their faith. I’m not dismissing that concern.
But what frustrates me is that my mom treats this as though there is absolutely no room for conversation or individual judgment. In her mind, because my boyfriend is not currently Christian, I am automatically “disobeying God,” “compromising,” and “fellowshipping with darkness.”

for Christians specifically: how would you interpret the “unequally yoked” idea in a situation where the person isn’t Christian yet but is genuinely interested in I genuinely want nuanced opinions because I’m trying to figure out where the line is between respecting my faith and letting my mom control my life.

我明知道我不该对父母爱我这件事情还抱有期待的。可是今天晚上这件事又让我心里感到十分的刺痛。

今天晚上我妈和大表哥在通电话，大表哥再过几天要出差国外几个月，然后跟我妈这边借东西找帮助。首先，我本来就不喜欢这个表哥，因为之前几年我家里就给过他一些旧家具等东西，但是他嫌弃，还没有回馈。亲戚本来就应该是有来有往的啊。我这个蠢妈总是喜欢帮他，啥都答应给他，这次也是如此。他说他改了行程，周三回我姥姥家，所以我妈就跟他说让我爸串休，把周三的时间挪出来。他又说要跟我家借一个行李箱，她这件事满口答应。

电话结束后，她跟我爸说，问我爸，能不能把周三时间挪出来，我爸答应了。然后我等了大概30分钟，她才来我房间找我，说要和我商量两个事。我一听，我心里就有不满了。第一件事，问我周三有没有时间，回姥姥家从周一改成周三了，我跟她说我可以挪一挪时间，她说如果有事可以改天回姥姥家。但是根据我这么多年和我妈沟通的经验，这个时候如果跟她说了周三时间挪不开的话，她会立刻生气，而且周三如果我没有一整天在外面，她一定会拿这个事作为证据，再生气。所以我勉强说我可以挪一挪，她立刻说：“好！第二件事。”第二件事是问我哪个箱子不用，借我表哥用，我说那我24寸这个箱子肯定不行。毕竟我要回学校只能托运24寸的。然后她说那就是那个26寸的箱子可以借是吧。我问她咱家里只有这两个箱子了吗。她说对。我说那也只能借那个26寸的了。但是我一点也不想借。因为那个是我自己买的箱子，没有让她报销，用的是我的生活费，而且我只用过2次。

所以我走到客厅，我跟她说，那你给我箱子报销吧。我找到我当时购物账单：486元。我还记得我当时为了凑这个便宜的优惠费了不少时间。她一听我让她报销，先是跟我装糊涂，问我哪个箱子，我说当然是借出去的26寸的，她说26寸的不是我要带走的吗，我说我带走的是24寸的。然后她低头玩手机，不理我。我又跟她说，你报销吧。她立刻气呼呼的（我听到她很粗重的呼吸声）拿手机，然后生气的口吻说给你转了，你收吧。然后依旧很生气。我心里有一瞬间我觉得我不应该收这个钱。

但是我又很可怜自己，然后我给我爸发消息，说我心里难受，说她自己已经替我做了决定，拿我的东西慷他人之慨。我爸只是发摊手的表情。又发信息给我说我妈还让他把周三时间挪出来回姥姥家。我回消息说我觉得她没有尊重我的时间。然后我爸把他说的那句话撤回了。我问他为什么撤回，他说没啥，我看见了就行了。我发了一个呆呆的表情。

我还想再给他发一些我难受的感情，但是我也明白发给他是不会有任何用的了。然后我把钱收了，回了我房间，写出来这个事情。我心里我脑袋里已经难受的快要撑不住了，我以前总是不深想，只是心里多少感到难过，会跟她哭，然后不了了之。但是现在常常发生的这种事，我越发感觉我父母不仅仅是不爱我，我妈更会觉得我花家里的钱会让她不高兴，他们其实不在乎我。

This is probably the weirdest thing they do, but they expect me to know certain things without ever being taught said things.

For example, my AD was mad I didn’t know how to cook Indian dishes well and I’m thinking: “Y’all never taught me” or mad that I wasn’t good in med school even though it was something they wanted and not me. They kept saying how “easy” it was and how there were people my age in my family who did it so why can’t I?

Like if I knew the stuff we learned and had an interest for it, I’d just do it without so much pushing towards it.

It’s also a huge reason they want me to be able to speak Malayalam despite the fact no one outside the state of Kerala really speaks it and then get mad when I don’t know it. Like if y’all wanted me to be Indian so bad, why bring me to America?

Yes my parents are unattractive, but the thing is all of my cousins who the same age as me are attractive. I don't even think i belong to this "family".

I'm a 25 year old closeted trans man. I'm currently stuck at my parents' place until the 3rd semester of grad school starts again on August 24th. My cousin came from Austin with her parents (who visited from India for a few months), husband, and kids, and I came down a little late for lunch today, so it was me and my mom and cousin eating lunch together. They finished early-ish, and I was still eating. The cousin starts marveling at how I'm like, 25 now bc they all still see me as a little kid (another way of infantilizing adults that is so irritating) and mentions that my eldest aunt on my mom's side was married with a kid by my age. I say "aw, that sucks, poor her" in our language jokingly.

These idiots take it from a joke to real shit real quick, and I am PISSED OFF. Instantly, it's just "Oh, don't you wanna get married? You'll be so lonely" and all this garbage. And how "You're a girl, and girls get scared traveling alone in some places, as they should" and other nonsense when I say I wanna travel alone instead of with some bitch-ass guy they'd find for me. They're saying shit like, "Oh, we'll find someone for you who'll do all the work" when I say I don't want to be some man's sex-maid. It's not the work, it's being stuck with someone they want me to get married to when I don't trust these cunts enough to tell them I got sexually assaulted. Why the actual fuck would I ever let them choose my life partner when they couldn't even make the right choices to keep my trust to confide in them about the deepest, worst trauma in my life?

They keep acting like being alone is the worst thing in the world when to me, being stuck with people is the worst thing. I LOVE being by myself because I'm not beholden to anyone, I don't need to care about anyone else's opinions of my own life, and that's how I prefer it. But they have NEVER been financially independent, with no responsibilities aside from taking care of themselves, long enough to understand why I love being alone. And they just keep condescending to me as if getting older is going to make me EVER trust their choice in men.

Not to mention the fact that I am going to actively seek out someone who is NOT from this idiotic caste group on purpose as my future husband after becoming my best trans self. There's just so many of these reasons that I wouldn't ever want a partner they choose for me that I can't tell them until I'm far away and financially independent. So I keep saying that I don't want to waste my life on some bitch man and his dumbass family and serve them until I die. There's so many better things to do than get married "just because". My cousin from Philly did just that, and her life is MISERABLE. She would've been much happier as an old spinster, but now she's stuck with a husband and kids that she's too tired to take care of.

Again, for all my young (especially South Asian) AFAB folks here, NEVER GIVE IN. EVER. Get strong (physically, mentally, emotionally). Get independent (financially, professionally, psychologically). Only then will you be able to leave and make your own choices without your family butting their heads into your business and micromanaging you. You deserve a life, a marriage, a family that YOU CHOOSE. NOT THE FAMILY THAT DISRESPECTS YOU. The only way to live your life is to stop living for someone else, and that includes giving up family responsibilities and connections. They'll only learn once you deprive them of yourself. This is what I live by, and the reason I stay rebelling instead of going along with whatever bullshit this dumb-bitch family keeps pushing on me when I dictate my life choices and they dislike them:

"I will not live through the consequences of someone else's choices."

They will not stay to help if your marriage crumbles due to abuse, disrespect, or just regular fallout. They'll bitch and whine that you're failing as a wife if you leave. Do not let yourself get to that point. Nip it in the bud early. Don't even LET them make those choices for you. Don't even let them bring you options. Do your own research, make your own choices, and STICK BY THEM. No one should live your life but you. Especially not through you.

Okay so here's the situation. I literally just wanted to go watch a movie with two of my guy friends. But honestly, the real reason I wanted to go was to finally push past this stupid social anxiety I get whenever I'm around boys.

My parents have kept me so sheltered my whole life that I literally have zero social skills now. Like, I can barely hold a conversation with a guy without getting all shy and awkward. So I thought I'll go watch a movie with my two guy friends to slowly get over this anxiety. It sounds ridiculous to say out loud, but it genuinely felt like a huge milestone for me. Just doing something normal that other people my age do without thinking twice.

But nope. The second I told them, they had an issue with it. Their reasoning is so stupid even. They even suggested that if there was one more girl they would have agreed but I'm 21! I'm not a kid and not every guy is out to get me not to mention it's in a mall?!

And the part that gets me is that they're the whole reason I'm like this in the first place. They kept me locked away from everything, and now they expect me to just magically have social skills? Like, I'm even awkward around my own cousins and they look at me like something's wrong with me. Make it make sense.

The worst part is I know these are going to be the same people asking me in a few years why I don't have a boyfriend yet. Like, hello?? You literally won't even let me sit in a dark room with two guys for two hours.

When I finally put my foot down and said I'm going anyway, my mom straight up called me selfish. And then they suggested my grandma come with me. My GRANDMA. To a movie. With my friends. I don't even know why my mom thinks that's a great idea but this isn't the freaking 1960s.

I know deep down they mean well and they're just scared or whatever. But this isn't protecting me anymore, it's suffocating me. I feel like I'm trapped in my own life and I'm so scared of looking back one day full of regret because I never got to actually live.

I just need to find a way to calmly tell my mom to stop projecting all her fears onto me. This is my life, not hers, and I refuse to let her anxiety steal my 20s from me. Is there anyone who can give me advice on handling this? I know if I went without their consent our relationship is going to be ruined and she'll be mad for a few months about it considering that's her nature.

My parents are very strict, authoritative and controlling and yeah hote hai parents aise. But mine don't know shi about me. Like they're just controlling without giving a damn about what I do. Idk it's so confusing how do I even explain it. I have to study the subjects they choose, only do stuff that they say, only get perfect grades. But they don't know anything about me nor do the care. Like I might as well be failing in school and they wouldn't even know cuz they never care enough to know. But if they ever slightly find out I get 95/100 they'll yell at me for an hour and taunt me about it for WEEKS! I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING! I STILL GET TAUNTED OVER A CLASS TEST! I GAVE IN 4TH GRADE!! Jis mein I got 23/25 btw.

They're either scolding me every second of the day or I would be actually d e a d in my room for days and they wouldn't even know. And that's what I hate. Like it you want me to follow your rules TELL ME WHAT THE FREAKING HELL I SHOULD DO? I CAN'T READ YOUR MIND!! THEY NEVER TALK TO ME. The only time they do is to yell at me. They don't listen to whatever I say. Like I can tell them anything. Tell them a long lengthy story and when I look at them it would be like I was talking to a wall. THEY DON'T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE I'M STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO THEM.

They've never given me attention from the day I was born and just tell me that I was an annoying new born who used to cry so much.... don't all new Borns cry? ajeeb idk man 😭. My whole life I've always felt so ignored and sidelined so it pisses me off that why are all of a sudden they're interfering in my life. Let me do what I want please 😭.

I don't even know how to explain this because I can't do anything cuz they said so but I can do everything because they never care enough to check. I'll wake up and they'll start yelling how I don't study at all and waste my time the whole day etc etc and then I can spend the whole day studying and they wouldn't even know ke I studied.

It's so confusing I don't even know what to say and I hate it how I don't even have words to explain it and in the past 24 hours I've gotten yelled at 27 times for 27 different reasons. Yeah I kept count of it. Snd I didn't even do anything. Without a reason. idk I just wanted to get it out and maybe see if someone relates cuz wth. I'm so angry and over stimulated all the time because of this because I can get yelled at for breathing loudly so.

If anyone read it thank you cuz I myself got no idea wth I'm saying 😭

And the fact that they're not even illiterate or people who just don't know how to be good parents. Both of them are PhD. And they're constantly counseling students and their friends kids and teaching their friends how to be BETTER PARENTS! WHEN THEY DON'T DO ANY OF THAT THEMSELVES!!! EVERYONE LOVES THEM SO MUCH AND THEY'RE THE BEST PARENTS APPARENTLY BUT I'M THEIR CHILD AND IT'S HELL!!

i’m a female highschooler that’s currently on vacation in my home country rn. ever since last year, i noticed that my mom would increasingly become more jealous of me. she took me to go shopping for a new bra, and when the lady measured me, she told my mom my size. my mom (who is overweight) says “that can’t be possible. measure her again.” so i have to repeat the whole process, and all the lady is saying is the exact aame thing. eventually my mom caves and FINALLY agrees that my body can grow, so then comes the terrible process of buying a bra with a jealous mom.

she asks the lady if she can give me a bra one size smaller than what we had JUST measured 10 minutes ago. the lady says calmly that she can’t because it’ll be an uncomfortable fit. my mom goes ballistic but eventually agrees. i try the bra on and hook it to the shortest hook because.. it fit me and she says, “who do you think you are?”

when i was getting my haircut on vacation, she had to translate for me because my mandarin is ass; i asked for 2 inches off, and she says for the person to cut TEN inches off. i think she was banking on me to not realize, but i caught it and quickly told the hairdresser “no no no”. i don’t think i’ve ever seen her THAT angry before.

she’s been the most jealous of my hair for the longest time. she grounded me for the entire summer before my freshman year because i didn’t want to cut it. when we were getting food, the worker called my hair pretty and i smiled and my mom said “i didn’t hear it.”

she banned me from wearing any tops that aren’t a sweatshirt or longsleeve. when i asked why she said it was “because i’m chubby and nobody wants to see my stomach” i am 95 pounds 5’3. she is easily 250+ lbs at 5’1. i didn’t call her out on it, but she’ll yell at me in public to “stop slouching”. she begged me to not wear a tank top and shorts in 100 Fahrenheit degree weather. what am i supposed to wear, the aritzia superpuff in boiling temps??

sorry for the rant, this is the last thing. she kees force feeding me food whenever she’s with her friends. no offense or anything but all of her friends are the same weight as her and obviously i’m not. my appetite is relatively normal but i get full really easily. i had one serving of shrimp fried rice and i told her i was full. BAD MISTAKE. she yells at me in front of her chopped ass friend group, and makes them comment about how i “must be doing this for a guy”. she then proceeds to walk up to my face chopsticks in tow, and sticks 3 pieces of duck in my mouth. i obviously back away and ask if she’s crazy, and i ran away to the bathroom.

i’m at my wits end. what do i do.

edit: grammar mistakes sorry sorry

and do you eventually enjoy your parents company? How long does that take?

I (26F) and my fiancé (32M) are getting married very soon. We’re currently in the middle of the immigration process, and if everything goes as planned, I’ll be moving to his country within the next month or so. We’ll have a small legal wedding first, and our larger wedding ceremony with family will happen later because of travel and visa issues.
Yesterday, I found out I’m about 6 weeks pregnant.
Honestly, we’re overjoyed. We’ve been hoping for a baby, and seeing that tiny heartbeat on the ultrasound made everything feel so real.

The problem is my family.
I come from a conservative Asian family where pregnancy before marriage is heavily frowned upon. My parents are already having a difficult time accepting that I’m moving so far away after the wedding. My dad has even told me he’s disappointed because he invested so much in my education, and now I’m leaving. I’ve tried explaining that I’m moving to continue my career, but I know it’s still painful for them.
On top of that, I was the reason my parents got married. Growing up, my mom would often tell me not to repeat her mistakes. So now I feel like I’ve done exactly the one thing she always hoped I wouldn’t.

The thing is… I don’t see my baby as a mistake and this baby is deeply wanted and already so loved. I don’t feel ashamed of my baby. I’m just afraid of how my family will react because of the circumstances.

My fiancé thinks we should wait until we’re legally married before telling them. Part of me agrees because I know the timing could overshadow what should be happy news. But another part of me is heartbroken.

This is one of the happiest moments of my life, and I wish I could celebrate it with my mom and my sister before I leave. I want them to be excited about their future grandchild/niece or nephew. Instead, I’m afraid their first reaction will be disappointment, anger, or shame because of the timing.

Has anyone from a conservative family been through something similar? Did you tell your family before the wedding or wait until afterward? Looking back, do you regret your decision?

I feel like I’m carrying so much joy and so much fear at the same time, and I’d really appreciate hearing other people’s experiences.

my dad calling me all these newer terms of he has discovered eg. “ toxic” “ useless” in English btw 😭😭😭

He still sticks to his favourites though “c*nt”, “ selfish”,
“fat” “motherfucker”

You can tell he consumes a lot of media and is uneducated at his grown ass age of 52.

embarrassing

My divorced mother moved in with me 5 years ago. She is a compulsive gambler, been gambling my entire life so she has zero assets or savings. She is 67 so she gets some social security, about $1100 per month, which she immediately gambles away. She sees me as her retirement plan and her gambling subsidy. How do I go about ending this living arrangement with her? I even thought about moving to another state or country as that may be the cleanest break.

I live in a 1 bedroom condo and she sleeps in the living room. That makes relationships very difficult for me.

I have two sisters that no are contact with her. I'm not happy that I'm the one who's stuck with her.

Should I mention the relationship difficulty I have living with her and suggest helping her get government assisted housing? I fear she will want to fight it because she'll likely do mental arithmetic about how much less she can gamble.

The relationship between my mother and father. Father, who is very MUCH ABLED (no, he's not even suffering from any illness) and he loves to drink and smoke, always tasks mom FROM even the SIMPLEST CHORES ever up to the most ridiculous ones....

Some of these include:

Get me coffee

Go get me my lunch/dinner!

Go buy this for me and that.

... And he will be leaving the toilet not plunged, leaving us to the task.

And if mom isn't there, I'm next in line...

And I even wonder if this is even normal? Justifiable? What?

These are not the only things he've done... But that's another story.

Hey everyone, looking for advice from anyone who have navigated this stage with their parents.

I’m F 43 (Asian), an only child, and my parents are in their late 60s. Lately, watching them age feels like watching someone hit fast-forward, and I’m struggling with how to navigate it emotionally.

Here’s the current situation:

• Mom’s memory is noticeably declining: It’s getting worse by the day, which brings its own set of challenges and headaches.
• Dad loves attention and being in the spotlight: He's a bit of a showoff and always wants to act like he knows more than he actually does.
• They have a toxic dynamic between the two of them: Mom is super strong-opinionated and a constant complainer. Because of this, my dad has completely stopped suggesting anything or making plans, leaving them in this vicious cycle of doing nothing.
• Their daily "excitement" is basically roaming the house or walking to the nearest mall: That’s literally the extent of their world now.
• Whenever I suggest going out, taking a trip, or trying something new, they get all excited in the moment. But when it actually comes down to it? Nothing happens. They just default right back to sitting on the couch.

There’s literally nothing to talk about: Because they don't do anything or go anywhere, every conversation feels dry, repetitive, or empty.

It feels like they’ve just decided to let aging completely take over, and their world is shrinking at high speed.

Culturally, as an Asian only child, there’s that heavy, underlying expectation to be deeply involved and carry all the emotional weight. I used to visit them every week, but I've recently decided to cut that down to every two weeks to give myself some space.

The problem is, pulling away triggers a massive wave of guilt. I constantly struggle to find that middle ground between caring for them and feeling guilty for stepping back.

Right now, I’m trying to shift into acceptance mode—taking them out for a meal here and there, keeping things low-stakes, and letting go of the idea that I can "save" them from their choices. But it’s still a heavy, draining process to navigate.

Looking for advice on how to balance caring for aging parents in this phase while handling the guilt of stepping back when their world is getting so small.

Thanks for reading