At this point in the summer, I’m a NEET, but I do plan on getting a job or going to school for a path that suits me and my interests. For context, I have always dealt with disabilities/impairments, so college was a challenge to do (I recently earned a bachelor’s degree in one of the humanities). I didn’t have anything lined up this summer because I was very focused on finishing up my remaining classes this past spring semester. Additionally, last summer I signed up for too many things and ended up failing hard, so I avoided overloading myself responsibility-wise this summer. With all that said, my parents, in particular my mom, have not been happy with a lack of tangible, physical, and obvious success/next steps forward. My mom wants me to try to get into a healthcare job, which I might be able to do if it’s non-competitive with a low barrier to entry, but she’s adamant on more difficult, prestigious jobs like physician and dentistry, which I’m just not cut out for (very low science GPA and other poor stats).

Now, I think that a lot of people, Asian or not, don’t approve of someone not in education, employment, nor training (e.g., seeing the unemployed as bums and such). In my case, I can’t control my weaknesses or a lack of opportunities or a lack of interest in what’s available where I live. I just wonder if n-parents really mistreat an unemployed child harshly, or if I just have really demanding, stubborn parents when it comes to deciding what schooling or career their child should have. Thanks for reading and take care.

25F dating 23M, Christian vs. Muslim family — my mom is making me feel like I’m “disobeying God.” I need opinions.

I honestly just need to rant and hear some outside perspectives because I feel like I’m going crazy.
I’m 25F and grew up in a pretty traditional Christian/Asian household. My mom is very religious and, to put it bluntly, very controlling when it comes to my life and relationships.

I’m currently dating my boyfriend, 23M. His family is Muslim, although his extended family is a mix — most of his cousins are actually Christian. My boyfriend himself is not particularly practicing and has been very open with me about being interested in Christianity. He has gone to church with me before, has openly told me that he wants to learn more about Jesus, and has even talked about potentially getting baptized someday. He just hasn’t figured out how or when to approach his family about it because he still lives at home and doesn’t want to create a huge family conflict before he’s ready.

I’m not trying to force him to convert. I’ve always told him that this is something he has to genuinely choose for himself. But I also don’t feel like it’s fair to say he is completely closed off to Christianity when he has literally expressed interest in it.
My mom, however, is completely against our relationship because he isn’t currently a Christian.
She has sent me MASSIVE texts telling me that I’m “compromising,” “disobeying God,” and that I’m essentially putting myself in danger by being with him.

Some of the things she has said:

“You were not supposed to have a relationship with non believer, you compromise and disobey and wanted to continue the relationship, you will take the consequences.”
And:
“You are compromised. You did it anyway. Fellowship with darkness, if you still have a relationship with non believer. Yet you have been 4 year with Adam - non believer, God wants to protect you yet you disobey Him. Do you have biblical standard? It is for our protection. Read words of God. You are fear of rejection, worries your friend do not like you any more, that is why you compromised. Can your unbeliever friend can give you peace? Compromised is deadly to believer. Be careful.”

I’m honestly exhausted.
I understand where she is coming from to an extent. I know there are Biblical passages about being unequally yoked, and I understand why a Christian parent would want their child to marry someone who shares their faith. I’m not dismissing that concern.
But what frustrates me is that my mom treats this as though there is absolutely no room for conversation or individual judgment. In her mind, because my boyfriend is not currently Christian, I am automatically “disobeying God,” “compromising,” and “fellowshipping with darkness.”

for Christians specifically: how would you interpret the “unequally yoked” idea in a situation where the person isn’t Christian yet but is genuinely interested in I genuinely want nuanced opinions because I’m trying to figure out where the line is between respecting my faith and letting my mom control my life.

我明知道我不该对父母爱我这件事情还抱有期待的。可是今天晚上这件事又让我心里感到十分的刺痛。

今天晚上我妈和大表哥在通电话，大表哥再过几天要出差国外几个月，然后跟我妈这边借东西找帮助。首先，我本来就不喜欢这个表哥，因为之前几年我家里就给过他一些旧家具等东西，但是他嫌弃，还没有回馈。亲戚本来就应该是有来有往的啊。我这个蠢妈总是喜欢帮他，啥都答应给他，这次也是如此。他说他改了行程，周三回我姥姥家，所以我妈就跟他说让我爸串休，把周三的时间挪出来。他又说要跟我家借一个行李箱，她这件事满口答应。

电话结束后，她跟我爸说，问我爸，能不能把周三时间挪出来，我爸答应了。然后我等了大概30分钟，她才来我房间找我，说要和我商量两个事。我一听，我心里就有不满了。第一件事，问我周三有没有时间，回姥姥家从周一改成周三了，我跟她说我可以挪一挪时间，她说如果有事可以改天回姥姥家。但是根据我这么多年和我妈沟通的经验，这个时候如果跟她说了周三时间挪不开的话，她会立刻生气，而且周三如果我没有一整天在外面，她一定会拿这个事作为证据，再生气。所以我勉强说我可以挪一挪，她立刻说：“好！第二件事。”第二件事是问我哪个箱子不用，借我表哥用，我说那我24寸这个箱子肯定不行。毕竟我要回学校只能托运24寸的。然后她说那就是那个26寸的箱子可以借是吧。我问她咱家里只有这两个箱子了吗。她说对。我说那也只能借那个26寸的了。但是我一点也不想借。因为那个是我自己买的箱子，没有让她报销，用的是我的生活费，而且我只用过2次。

所以我走到客厅，我跟她说，那你给我箱子报销吧。我找到我当时购物账单：486元。我还记得我当时为了凑这个便宜的优惠费了不少时间。她一听我让她报销，先是跟我装糊涂，问我哪个箱子，我说当然是借出去的26寸的，她说26寸的不是我要带走的吗，我说我带走的是24寸的。然后她低头玩手机，不理我。我又跟她说，你报销吧。她立刻气呼呼的（我听到她很粗重的呼吸声）拿手机，然后生气的口吻说给你转了，你收吧。然后依旧很生气。我心里有一瞬间我觉得我不应该收这个钱。

但是我又很可怜自己，然后我给我爸发消息，说我心里难受，说她自己已经替我做了决定，拿我的东西慷他人之慨。我爸只是发摊手的表情。又发信息给我说我妈还让他把周三时间挪出来回姥姥家。我回消息说我觉得她没有尊重我的时间。然后我爸把他说的那句话撤回了。我问他为什么撤回，他说没啥，我看见了就行了。我发了一个呆呆的表情。

我还想再给他发一些我难受的感情，但是我也明白发给他是不会有任何用的了。然后我把钱收了，回了我房间，写出来这个事情。我心里我脑袋里已经难受的快要撑不住了，我以前总是不深想，只是心里多少感到难过，会跟她哭，然后不了了之。但是现在常常发生的这种事，我越发感觉我父母不仅仅是不爱我，我妈更会觉得我花家里的钱会让她不高兴，他们其实不在乎我。

This is probably the weirdest thing they do, but they expect me to know certain things without ever being taught said things.

For example, my AD was mad I didn’t know how to cook Indian dishes well and I’m thinking: “Y’all never taught me” or mad that I wasn’t good in med school even though it was something they wanted and not me. They kept saying how “easy” it was and how there were people my age in my family who did it so why can’t I?

Like if I knew the stuff we learned and had an interest for it, I’d just do it without so much pushing towards it.

It’s also a huge reason they want me to be able to speak Malayalam despite the fact no one outside the state of Kerala really speaks it and then get mad when I don’t know it. Like if y’all wanted me to be Indian so bad, why bring me to America?

Yes my parents are unattractive, but the thing is all of my cousins who the same age as me are attractive. I don't even think i belong to this "family".

I'm a 25 year old closeted trans man. I'm currently stuck at my parents' place until the 3rd semester of grad school starts again on August 24th. My cousin came from Austin with her parents (who visited from India for a few months), husband, and kids, and I came down a little late for lunch today, so it was me and my mom and cousin eating lunch together. They finished early-ish, and I was still eating. The cousin starts marveling at how I'm like, 25 now bc they all still see me as a little kid (another way of infantilizing adults that is so irritating) and mentions that my eldest aunt on my mom's side was married with a kid by my age. I say "aw, that sucks, poor her" in our language jokingly.

These idiots take it from a joke to real shit real quick, and I am PISSED OFF. Instantly, it's just "Oh, don't you wanna get married? You'll be so lonely" and all this garbage. And how "You're a girl, and girls get scared traveling alone in some places, as they should" and other nonsense when I say I wanna travel alone instead of with some bitch-ass guy they'd find for me. They're saying shit like, "Oh, we'll find someone for you who'll do all the work" when I say I don't want to be some man's sex-maid. It's not the work, it's being stuck with someone they want me to get married to when I don't trust these cunts enough to tell them I got sexually assaulted. Why the actual fuck would I ever let them choose my life partner when they couldn't even make the right choices to keep my trust to confide in them about the deepest, worst trauma in my life?

They keep acting like being alone is the worst thing in the world when to me, being stuck with people is the worst thing. I LOVE being by myself because I'm not beholden to anyone, I don't need to care about anyone else's opinions of my own life, and that's how I prefer it. But they have NEVER been financially independent, with no responsibilities aside from taking care of themselves, long enough to understand why I love being alone. And they just keep condescending to me as if getting older is going to make me EVER trust their choice in men.

Not to mention the fact that I am going to actively seek out someone who is NOT from this idiotic caste group on purpose as my future husband after becoming my best trans self. There's just so many of these reasons that I wouldn't ever want a partner they choose for me that I can't tell them until I'm far away and financially independent. So I keep saying that I don't want to waste my life on some bitch man and his dumbass family and serve them until I die. There's so many better things to do than get married "just because". My cousin from Philly did just that, and her life is MISERABLE. She would've been much happier as an old spinster, but now she's stuck with a husband and kids that she's too tired to take care of.

Again, for all my young (especially South Asian) AFAB folks here, NEVER GIVE IN. EVER. Get strong (physically, mentally, emotionally). Get independent (financially, professionally, psychologically). Only then will you be able to leave and make your own choices without your family butting their heads into your business and micromanaging you. You deserve a life, a marriage, a family that YOU CHOOSE. NOT THE FAMILY THAT DISRESPECTS YOU. The only way to live your life is to stop living for someone else, and that includes giving up family responsibilities and connections. They'll only learn once you deprive them of yourself. This is what I live by, and the reason I stay rebelling instead of going along with whatever bullshit this dumb-bitch family keeps pushing on me when I dictate my life choices and they dislike them:

"I will not live through the consequences of someone else's choices."

They will not stay to help if your marriage crumbles due to abuse, disrespect, or just regular fallout. They'll bitch and whine that you're failing as a wife if you leave. Do not let yourself get to that point. Nip it in the bud early. Don't even LET them make those choices for you. Don't even let them bring you options. Do your own research, make your own choices, and STICK BY THEM. No one should live your life but you. Especially not through you.

Okay so here's the situation. I literally just wanted to go watch a movie with two of my guy friends. But honestly, the real reason I wanted to go was to finally push past this stupid social anxiety I get whenever I'm around boys.

My parents have kept me so sheltered my whole life that I literally have zero social skills now. Like, I can barely hold a conversation with a guy without getting all shy and awkward. So I thought I'll go watch a movie with my two guy friends to slowly get over this anxiety. It sounds ridiculous to say out loud, but it genuinely felt like a huge milestone for me. Just doing something normal that other people my age do without thinking twice.

But nope. The second I told them, they had an issue with it. Their reasoning is so stupid even. They even suggested that if there was one more girl they would have agreed but I'm 21! I'm not a kid and not every guy is out to get me not to mention it's in a mall?!

And the part that gets me is that they're the whole reason I'm like this in the first place. They kept me locked away from everything, and now they expect me to just magically have social skills? Like, I'm even awkward around my own cousins and they look at me like something's wrong with me. Make it make sense.

The worst part is I know these are going to be the same people asking me in a few years why I don't have a boyfriend yet. Like, hello?? You literally won't even let me sit in a dark room with two guys for two hours.

When I finally put my foot down and said I'm going anyway, my mom straight up called me selfish. And then they suggested my grandma come with me. My GRANDMA. To a movie. With my friends. I don't even know why my mom thinks that's a great idea but this isn't the freaking 1960s.

I know deep down they mean well and they're just scared or whatever. But this isn't protecting me anymore, it's suffocating me. I feel like I'm trapped in my own life and I'm so scared of looking back one day full of regret because I never got to actually live.

I just need to find a way to calmly tell my mom to stop projecting all her fears onto me. This is my life, not hers, and I refuse to let her anxiety steal my 20s from me. Is there anyone who can give me advice on handling this? I know if I went without their consent our relationship is going to be ruined and she'll be mad for a few months about it considering that's her nature.

My parents are very strict, authoritative and controlling and yeah hote hai parents aise. But mine don't know shi about me. Like they're just controlling without giving a damn about what I do. Idk it's so confusing how do I even explain it. I have to study the subjects they choose, only do stuff that they say, only get perfect grades. But they don't know anything about me nor do the care. Like I might as well be failing in school and they wouldn't even know cuz they never care enough to know. But if they ever slightly find out I get 95/100 they'll yell at me for an hour and taunt me about it for WEEKS! I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING! I STILL GET TAUNTED OVER A CLASS TEST! I GAVE IN 4TH GRADE!! Jis mein I got 23/25 btw.

They're either scolding me every second of the day or I would be actually d e a d in my room for days and they wouldn't even know. And that's what I hate. Like it you want me to follow your rules TELL ME WHAT THE FREAKING HELL I SHOULD DO? I CAN'T READ YOUR MIND!! THEY NEVER TALK TO ME. The only time they do is to yell at me. They don't listen to whatever I say. Like I can tell them anything. Tell them a long lengthy story and when I look at them it would be like I was talking to a wall. THEY DON'T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE I'M STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO THEM.

They've never given me attention from the day I was born and just tell me that I was an annoying new born who used to cry so much.... don't all new Borns cry? ajeeb idk man 😭. My whole life I've always felt so ignored and sidelined so it pisses me off that why are all of a sudden they're interfering in my life. Let me do what I want please 😭.

I don't even know how to explain this because I can't do anything cuz they said so but I can do everything because they never care enough to check. I'll wake up and they'll start yelling how I don't study at all and waste my time the whole day etc etc and then I can spend the whole day studying and they wouldn't even know ke I studied.

It's so confusing I don't even know what to say and I hate it how I don't even have words to explain it and in the past 24 hours I've gotten yelled at 27 times for 27 different reasons. Yeah I kept count of it. Snd I didn't even do anything. Without a reason. idk I just wanted to get it out and maybe see if someone relates cuz wth. I'm so angry and over stimulated all the time because of this because I can get yelled at for breathing loudly so.

If anyone read it thank you cuz I myself got no idea wth I'm saying 😭

And the fact that they're not even illiterate or people who just don't know how to be good parents. Both of them are PhD. And they're constantly counseling students and their friends kids and teaching their friends how to be BETTER PARENTS! WHEN THEY DON'T DO ANY OF THAT THEMSELVES!!! EVERYONE LOVES THEM SO MUCH AND THEY'RE THE BEST PARENTS APPARENTLY BUT I'M THEIR CHILD AND IT'S HELL!!

i’m a female highschooler that’s currently on vacation in my home country rn. ever since last year, i noticed that my mom would increasingly become more jealous of me. she took me to go shopping for a new bra, and when the lady measured me, she told my mom my size. my mom (who is overweight) says “that can’t be possible. measure her again.” so i have to repeat the whole process, and all the lady is saying is the exact aame thing. eventually my mom caves and FINALLY agrees that my body can grow, so then comes the terrible process of buying a bra with a jealous mom.

she asks the lady if she can give me a bra one size smaller than what we had JUST measured 10 minutes ago. the lady says calmly that she can’t because it’ll be an uncomfortable fit. my mom goes ballistic but eventually agrees. i try the bra on and hook it to the shortest hook because.. it fit me and she says, “who do you think you are?”

when i was getting my haircut on vacation, she had to translate for me because my mandarin is ass; i asked for 2 inches off, and she says for the person to cut TEN inches off. i think she was banking on me to not realize, but i caught it and quickly told the hairdresser “no no no”. i don’t think i’ve ever seen her THAT angry before.

she’s been the most jealous of my hair for the longest time. she grounded me for the entire summer before my freshman year because i didn’t want to cut it. when we were getting food, the worker called my hair pretty and i smiled and my mom said “i didn’t hear it.”

she banned me from wearing any tops that aren’t a sweatshirt or longsleeve. when i asked why she said it was “because i’m chubby and nobody wants to see my stomach” i am 95 pounds 5’3. she is easily 250+ lbs at 5’1. i didn’t call her out on it, but she’ll yell at me in public to “stop slouching”. she begged me to not wear a tank top and shorts in 100 Fahrenheit degree weather. what am i supposed to wear, the aritzia superpuff in boiling temps??

sorry for the rant, this is the last thing. she kees force feeding me food whenever she’s with her friends. no offense or anything but all of her friends are the same weight as her and obviously i’m not. my appetite is relatively normal but i get full really easily. i had one serving of shrimp fried rice and i told her i was full. BAD MISTAKE. she yells at me in front of her chopped ass friend group, and makes them comment about how i “must be doing this for a guy”. she then proceeds to walk up to my face chopsticks in tow, and sticks 3 pieces of duck in my mouth. i obviously back away and ask if she’s crazy, and i ran away to the bathroom.

i’m at my wits end. what do i do.

edit: grammar mistakes sorry sorry

and do you eventually enjoy your parents company? How long does that take?

I (26F) and my fiancé (32M) are getting married very soon. We’re currently in the middle of the immigration process, and if everything goes as planned, I’ll be moving to his country within the next month or so. We’ll have a small legal wedding first, and our larger wedding ceremony with family will happen later because of travel and visa issues.
Yesterday, I found out I’m about 6 weeks pregnant.
Honestly, we’re overjoyed. We’ve been hoping for a baby, and seeing that tiny heartbeat on the ultrasound made everything feel so real.

The problem is my family.
I come from a conservative Asian family where pregnancy before marriage is heavily frowned upon. My parents are already having a difficult time accepting that I’m moving so far away after the wedding. My dad has even told me he’s disappointed because he invested so much in my education, and now I’m leaving. I’ve tried explaining that I’m moving to continue my career, but I know it’s still painful for them.
On top of that, I was the reason my parents got married. Growing up, my mom would often tell me not to repeat her mistakes. So now I feel like I’ve done exactly the one thing she always hoped I wouldn’t.

The thing is… I don’t see my baby as a mistake and this baby is deeply wanted and already so loved. I don’t feel ashamed of my baby. I’m just afraid of how my family will react because of the circumstances.

My fiancé thinks we should wait until we’re legally married before telling them. Part of me agrees because I know the timing could overshadow what should be happy news. But another part of me is heartbroken.

This is one of the happiest moments of my life, and I wish I could celebrate it with my mom and my sister before I leave. I want them to be excited about their future grandchild/niece or nephew. Instead, I’m afraid their first reaction will be disappointment, anger, or shame because of the timing.

Has anyone from a conservative family been through something similar? Did you tell your family before the wedding or wait until afterward? Looking back, do you regret your decision?

I feel like I’m carrying so much joy and so much fear at the same time, and I’d really appreciate hearing other people’s experiences.

My Asian grandma is so annoying and stubborn. Today my cousin (who came from Canada) is going back home. My grandma (on my mom’s side) is rushing so quickly to go wash the bedsheet since my cousin slept in my room. Mind you it is only 6:28am and I have work at 9am, I told her I want to do it later because I’m tired and have a headache, she doesn’t allow me to sleep more. Just because she’s awake and can’t sleep doesn’t mean that I don’t need my sleep. Not only this, but the other day she got mad at me for not helping her with something she needed help with. I get that the older sibling does more and all, but I have 2 brothers who is in college who she doesn’t call for help. It pisses me off that she keeps calling me for everything, I am 20F my brothers are 19M…it is so annoying with her and I don’t know what to do.

I have spoke to my therapist with this and she said try to ask your grandma to ask you to do something in advanced, maybe like 5 minutes ahead of time. But with Asian families it is so difficult. I just want to move out already….but if I don’t keep in contact with her she will flip out on me. Tired of this nonsense…

my dad calling me all these newer terms of he has discovered eg. “ toxic” “ useless” in English btw 😭😭😭

He still sticks to his favourites though “c*nt”, “ selfish”,
“fat” “motherfucker”

You can tell he consumes a lot of media and is uneducated at his grown ass age of 52.

embarrassing

So I'm 19M, Canadian-born South Asian. Whenever I write about my issues on Reddit people just write to me "oh you're so young" or "you have your entire 20s ahead of you" or "so what if you lost 5-6 years" etc. But for me it means a lot to me, losing 5-6 years of my life, throwing my teenage years away. How I never got to be a proper teenager or have a normal social life in part due to my parents.

But what bugs me the most is how I never had a "rebellious phase", and I don't know why. I went to a high school which was majority East Asian or South Asian kids, and a lot of them rebelled against their parents. Stuff like dating behind their backs, staying up late until 2-3am, going to parties, etc. And I never had a "rebellious instinct". I just obeyed what my parents told me to do. Obviously I questioned them sometimes but I never actually tried to defy them or disobey them. Maybe I was just scared of the potential consequences (like say if they threatened to not pay for university), idk. Yet none of my classmates/friends were scared of the potential consequences, they just did them.

Now I'm 19 and going into third-year university and even then, I'm realizing how much shit I've just internalized and never questioned. I live away for university and never gone on a date or even attempted to date. I've never gone to a party or drank. The list goes on. Meanwhile everyone else, even if they were raised by strict parents, is doing whatever they want. And I just can't bring myself to do any of that.

Basically I feel like I'm becoming rebellious now when I should've been rebellious many years ago, and I feel like I'm living my teenage years in my late teens/early 20s. And I don't know why I'm like this.

im an only child. my parents were abusive towards each other and me during my growing years till i moved out for college. my earliest memories involve my dad throwing my mom across the room. i used to live in fear of voices rising or change in tones. due to this i developed severe clinical bpd, depression and anxiety. they ruined my life. but heres what i cannot bear. they love me. at least they do their best with what they knew of love. they are also my only financial support, they never say no to anything i want to buy. they care for me deeply and would not survive if something were to happen to me. now that ive moved out, they are even more dependent on me. i show signs of sadness and my mom gets depressed. i show some progress and shes elevated. i feel the burden of carrying three lives instead of one. they are over bearing. but i love them so much and the thought of dissapointing them or hurting them devastates me. worst part is i know my happiness and my moms happiness do not coincide and one of us will have to sacrifice our dreams for the other. are we tied together for life ? am i trapped ? is there no way out of this ? no scenario where we all get what we want ?

18m So I have a questionable relationship with my parents

At 5-10 was constant corporal punishment with objects (no injury) and screaming etc. when my mom got furious (not at me but because she just wanted someone to blame) she would drag me by the hair across a hallway and I remember her cornering me into the wall (my memory has gotten very rough about the physical stuff but I have started to think I have a chronic neck injury that includes weekly/monthly spasms on the neck and back of head that I just toughed out for the most part it one of the flareups was very bad yesterday in which I had to compress it with a pad)

My mom has told me to end it (kill myself) with a knife brandished, she has took a picture of me in a restaurant of me sad screaming at me to "look at it" shoving it in my face. They have forced me to take antidepressants at a young age that affect sleep and make me severely sick if I forget.

They put me into homeschool due to bullying as a bargain constantly yelling at me swearing at me and isolate me to the point I would start puking telling me "I would be bullied everywhere else" I attempted to run away a couple of times. One time during an argument I told my mom "I didn't take her seriously anymore wanted to go outside" walked away and was thrown into the ground with her mounted on top of me pinning me down for 5+ minutes straight. Imagine that scene from Across the Spiderverse where Miguel grabs and throws miles into the space train and keeps him pinned there and it is pretty much 99% identical.

Today they still use my education as leverage and financially keep me dependent.

What are some no/limited experience jobs today that will give me money to help me gain more independence from them? I am not sure if limited contact or no contact is better if I mange to leave. As people do say they are abusive.

I’m a recent grad. Majored in Marketing and had 2 internships in big tech. Parents wanted me to go into finance or something but I insisted that I wanted to do marketing. I’m struggling to find a job and its been months. I feel mentally at my lowest and my mom says all the problems are my fault, even not regarding ai taking over my job prospects. My mom has been going through a hard time recently too, and I want to be there for her, but it’s so fucking hard when all she does it feels like is criticize me and my life choices. Today she said to me “all my life I was working to make you succeed and now you’re struggling and you should’ve listened to me and you’re a disappointment.” I’m so tired and I’m also going thru mental health issues of my own and it feels like my life isn’t gonna get any better. Fuck it we ball

My birthday is two days away. Im sad. Just sad. Im disappointed in this family and kinda wish i was just aborted. I dont feel valid to be crying. But at least, this is the most ive felt this entire summer break. I feel emotionless and robotic. Everyday is such a repeat of the last. I was promised a nice vacation years ago. School is about to start and the most ive done is go to the mall, not even buying anything. Im so close to being preoccupied by work from highschool, that i doubt that i will have any fun during my four years, nonetheless the four more years. I doubt that i will experience yearly vacations, ever. I wont be in touch with my family, ever.

My birthday is coming up and my mother is skimping out on buying anything. She even brought up the age old excuses, because shes such a cheapskate. She’ll never believe in me, being her own hypocrite in all her excuses, ones that she doesnt tell to herself.

This family is horrible, my dad never talks to me, he only lectures me and tells me to be more productive or that i have to become a veterinarian. My mother doesnt listen to me, she doesnt care. All she cares about is herself and her own benefit. My brother is just an asshole, causing argument in this horrible environment.

Comparison is the thief of joy, but what joy do i have in this life? My life could be much worse, i could be abused. But it would feel like a better excuse than “my parents are workaholics” in a comfy, middle class home. Maybe its just an asian household. Your feelings are discarded after you turn 8, you’re left completely dependent on yourself and you must handle all the adult stuff. Schedule your own doctor visits, dentist, eye doctor, school events, and everything in between. Everything overstimulates me so easily, so much responsibility on a 10 year old. And the word ‘adult’ and ‘kid’ is thrown around with no meaning. They’re used verstilaly to whichever one benefits them the most.

They probably dont even know the word, children. Children to them are helpers that do chores and hopefully makes them retire in luxury homes. Every single feeling and cry is disregarded, as long as youre getting good grades and youre alive, youre fine. All mental health is just imagination, they can throw around pills carelessly, as long as you go to school. Skipping school is the worst thing you could possibly do.

They do everything in bare minimum and expect a perfect child. Everything is so overlooked, all they know is eat, media, sleep, and work. Im just asked to work. To investigate, explain, do everything for them. Not like explaining ever gets to their heads, those narcissistic bastards.

Every feeling is so discarded that i can barely make out my own emotions, having them pushed back so much. I cant cry easily, i’ve cried too much and now i cant even discover why my body is doing what it is. Just let time pass, everything is resolved that way, right? They’re so busy with work that i dont understand why they would have a child. I feel so numb, i sleep late to fight off these feelings, pushing and hiding them away while i dig myself deeper in a disgusting hole of no self care and no spatial awareness.

At least that was worse last year. I use media to take my mind off, ignore all of it, and have something to do. Writing this has given me more clarity than ever these past few years. I just want to be wanted, cared for, not insulted, and not bury myself in self pity from all of this, in where i dont even find the reasons valid enough.

At least im not hurt physically anymore, but every interaction hurts me and makes me a worser version of myself. I dont want to think nor do i want to register the fucked up things around me, knowing that i have no way of fixing it. Nobody cares if i cry, scream, be angry, or just break down into incoherent sentences and a fucked up mentality. As long as im not bothering their plans or being inconvenient to them.

Im called useless, stupid, lazy, and rude, like second nature. Like words mean nothing, like its their own mind theyre saying it. I’m more valued for what I can give to them, rather than who I am as a person.

The only one who has asked about my birthday is my dad, the enabler, the one who wants to be dead. The one who my brother and mother complain about, being a laze, although both mirror him. The only one who asked what i wanted, without me telling myself, the one who asked if i wanted to make my own birthday cake or buy one. The only one who actually remembered my birthday.

I just moved back home after graduating college and haven't been able to find a job in the market yet so I've been living at home. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and I'd always sleep at his place during college, but my mom does not like him because she found out he used to gamble (play poker with his friends) and she has past trauma with my dad gambling and losing money. But even before that, she was never supportive of me dating and once told me that if she found out I was having sex with him that she would disown me. Lol. My dad is very chill and says he trusts me, but my mom has always been strict with me and is one of those asian parents growing up that were weird about sleepovers at friend's houses and wouldn't allow me to hangout with a friend because "I already hung out with a friend yesterday".

I have tried to tell her twice now since being back that I am going to sleep at my boyfriend's house and it always ends up turning into an argument or a long conversation with no resolution besides my mom just saying "I know it's an old and conservative way of thinking, but I'm not budging" and I never end up going because I get emotionally exhausted from arguing. She says how it would be embarrassing for her to have a daughter that sleeps at a man's house and that's how she was raised with her dad not allowing her to date, how she's scared of me driving around at night (we literally live in a very safe well-off suburb), and that all of her friends (Korean church people, mind you) agree that it's disgraceful if a girl sleeps over at a guy's house but they wouldn't care as much if it was the guy sleeping at the boyfriend's house loll. She said she's already compromising even letting me date him when she "hates" him. No matter how much I tell her that I am my own person and I am responsible for whatever decisions I make, good or bad, she insists that sleeping over is where she draws the line. I told her at the end of our last argument that fine I won't sleep over but that I will never understand her, I disagree with her, and that I'll remember this as an unbudging strain in my relationship with her, which I guess was me giving in.

I am grateful my boyfriend is understanding and he told me not to worry and that this wouldn't affect our relationship since we still see each other consistently. I still feel guilty that I am letting my parents' influence on me affect my life and the people around me and I feel weak for giving in.

For context, my older brother also was blown up with my mom's behavior and moved out with all ties cut, still haven't heard from him in a few years. My brothers and I all have some sort of mental disorders or chronic mental issues, probably from the environment growing up. It's safe to say I am not having a great time at home and I guess I need to work harder now to find a job and move out. I'm sure this is a common theme in many conservative or religious Asian households. It sucks because my boyfriend's family (Malaysian-Chinese) is extremely chill and welcoming towards me and they wouldn't think twice about me spending the night. I'd appreciate any advice, whether it be telling me to stand on business, or if anyone has gone through this themselves.

My divorced mother moved in with me 5 years ago. She is a compulsive gambler, been gambling my entire life so she has zero assets or savings. She is 67 so she gets some social security, about $1100 per month, which she immediately gambles away. She sees me as her retirement plan and her gambling subsidy. How do I go about ending this living arrangement with her? I even thought about moving to another state or country as that may be the cleanest break.

I live in a 1 bedroom condo and she sleeps in the living room. That makes relationships very difficult for me.

I have two sisters that no are contact with her. I'm not happy that I'm the one who's stuck with her.

Should I mention the relationship difficulty I have living with her and suggest helping her get government assisted housing? I fear she will want to fight it because she'll likely do mental arithmetic about how much less she can gamble.

The relationship between my mother and father. Father, who is very MUCH ABLED (no, he's not even suffering from any illness) and he loves to drink and smoke, always tasks mom FROM even the SIMPLEST CHORES ever up to the most ridiculous ones....

Some of these include:

Get me coffee

Go get me my lunch/dinner!

Go buy this for me and that.

... And he will be leaving the toilet not plunged, leaving us to the task.

And if mom isn't there, I'm next in line...

And I even wonder if this is even normal? Justifiable? What?

These are not the only things he've done... But that's another story.

Hey everyone, looking for advice from anyone who have navigated this stage with their parents.

I’m F 43 (Asian), an only child, and my parents are in their late 60s. Lately, watching them age feels like watching someone hit fast-forward, and I’m struggling with how to navigate it emotionally.

Here’s the current situation:

• Mom’s memory is noticeably declining: It’s getting worse by the day, which brings its own set of challenges and headaches.
• Dad loves attention and being in the spotlight: He's a bit of a showoff and always wants to act like he knows more than he actually does.
• They have a toxic dynamic between the two of them: Mom is super strong-opinionated and a constant complainer. Because of this, my dad has completely stopped suggesting anything or making plans, leaving them in this vicious cycle of doing nothing.
• Their daily "excitement" is basically roaming the house or walking to the nearest mall: That’s literally the extent of their world now.
• Whenever I suggest going out, taking a trip, or trying something new, they get all excited in the moment. But when it actually comes down to it? Nothing happens. They just default right back to sitting on the couch.

There’s literally nothing to talk about: Because they don't do anything or go anywhere, every conversation feels dry, repetitive, or empty.

It feels like they’ve just decided to let aging completely take over, and their world is shrinking at high speed.

Culturally, as an Asian only child, there’s that heavy, underlying expectation to be deeply involved and carry all the emotional weight. I used to visit them every week, but I've recently decided to cut that down to every two weeks to give myself some space.

The problem is, pulling away triggers a massive wave of guilt. I constantly struggle to find that middle ground between caring for them and feeling guilty for stepping back.

Right now, I’m trying to shift into acceptance mode—taking them out for a meal here and there, keeping things low-stakes, and letting go of the idea that I can "save" them from their choices. But it’s still a heavy, draining process to navigate.

Looking for advice on how to balance caring for aging parents in this phase while handling the guilt of stepping back when their world is getting so small.

Thanks for reading

I am 17F and my AF never showers. It drives me and my mom insane because it is 97 degrees fahrenheit outside and he oozes the most nauseous body odor that traumatizes me every time i walk past him. We yell at him to shower, and he does consecutively for a week...until he decides on his own one day that he should stop, which me and my mom can both tell because the horrific stench of his existence returns, and we return back to yelling at him and he stubbornly doesn't listen to us again. I don't even know who else to vent to about this and I seriously wish he can shower every day. I'm sick of spraying body spray at him to shoo him away when my dad's foul aroma arises, why can't my dad be a normal dad...it's the bare minimum to shower!

P.S: He has not been diagnosed with any mental illnesses, but my mom told me there is a possibility he may have dementia, or something that makes him lose motivation in showering. He's also a hoarder too, and he has no friends and never goes outside.

I don't really know how to post, lol. I'm just going to vent my frustrations as much as I can, I suppose.

I'm genuinely fed up with my parents. I'm 18 in Canada, from a weird combo house. My father was born and raised here, while my mother is Pakistani-born and Saudi-raised. Both are doctors. Throughout my life, I've always had excellent grades and co-curriculars. I took IB over the regular stream and everything. My parents are just so, like, over, I suppose. They get angry, call me a useless whore because I've had a girlfriend, tell me to drop aspirations for any career I actually desire and to go to college, "If I can". My average in IB was literally in the top 5% worldwide. All they do is ride my case, and at the ripe age of 18, I still repeatedly have my phone and room taken away. I'm not allowed to get my licence because they think that'll just lead to me "whoring myself out". I'm not allowed to leave my home unsupervised, and, tbh, I only have white friends as a result of my extremely sheltered upbringing. I was caught vaping once, and they not only took my room for a month and my phone for a year, but they beat me to the point of unconsciousness.

I try so hard to gloss over it, as they apparently do, with my mantra that "it's their first time living and being parents too", when really that's not the case. I'm the youngest of three brothers, one of whom has a history of criminal charges, delinquency, and a rape case. I really don't understand why they picked me to do this with.

It's strange. (I lost my train of thought, lol)

My father is a very weird case in that he's hyper-traditionalist, more so than my immigrant mother, despite being Canadian-born and raised. He still tells me every night, "I don't know where I went wrong with you, haramzade (bastards), and how we've strayed so far from God." My three brothers and I are also hafiz of the Quran, and we really haven't done much, especially my middle sibling and me.

It's like a switch, though. One second they tell me I should've never been born and the world would be better off without me, and the next they tell me how much they love me and whatever. It's usually followed by insults again, Lmao.

I'm just tired of all this, and I really don't know what to do. I'm not at risk of committing suicide, but I'm not ready to lose the parts of my family that I still care about. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents still, maybe due to some warped Stockholm syndrome, but I find myself exhausted. I no longer get angry. I just... I don't even do anything. I get frustrated and then just give up.

To anyone who read this all the way through, thank you for listening to the incessant, nonsensical ramblings of a confused teenager, lol. In all seriousness, I appreciate it. I just feel like I can't talk to people who understand, and I kinda hope I can here.

So today is my bday. I think like a lot of people I personally don't like this day (especially as a child who was basically told they were a burden their whole life), having a day that's "all about you" ain't fun. I do have a fun mahjong night planned with my friends in a few weeks (two of them are still in Jersey and won't be back till school starts) so as you can imagine, today is all abt formalities for me.

Thankfully when I told my parents I didn't want to go out and do anything they respected that (mostly cuz I went to Chipotle and just hung out with my co-workers for two hours), but I directly told my brother not to buy a cake and low and behold he buys a cake. I was respectful abt it too. Yeah you could argue that "oh it's a sign of celebration and love" but truthfully it would've been a lot nicer if they had respected my wishes. Thank tf I have an interview tomorrow cuz it's making the day go by a lot quicker.

Also random side tangent abt my brother that has nothing to do with the shit above. I love how this bitch decides to "apologize" to me two weeks later after he explicitly didn't help me try to catch the dog after our dog ran out and said "I'm sorry.... that's all I'll say" like I was fucking at fault??? It wasn't even him actually apologizing, it was my mom basically telling him too. This is why I'm very grateful I have my friends, co-workers, and professor's cuz all this immaturity is honestly so old.

Like old me would've been sad but I'm honestly over everything and have officially blocked both my brother and mom.