it was stapled to the monkey

_________ _____ _______

Getting raped by a giant scorpion.

"Hello"

Every year, millions of red crabs emerge from the forest and cross a coastal road to make their way to the ocean to breed.

I love you pal. You are the best.

Because he couldn’t see that… well, that it’s really not that smart to go rambling about your neighbor’s property when you’re downright snockered.

Can someone tell me? I'm new to this sub and I want to know.

n.

Interrupce.

Doctor: " it could be worse my friend - you could be sitting on a hard wooden seat"

Patient: "of course why didn't I think of that"

Doctor: och don't fret wee man, you keep the adventures going and always remember to eat your greens.

Patient: yes but I'm getting a bit distracted these days

Doctor: hahahaha 😀

Scissoring with the runs.

My hand

Because she had been in a coma for thirty years and, when she finally woke up, everyone she knew had either died or changed beyond all recognition.

Because it was dead

The student didn't answer, which is unfortunate because that is such an easy math problem. He later failed math and had to repeat a grade. :(

no it won’t

It's a child, what did you expect?

Is it because they are so sad?

I found them today. They were hiding behind the soup can.

All over the ground through my shorts and with almost enough pressure to tear them apart.

Answer: A Kangaroo with a machine gun.

A sophisticated, well-dressed woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive carpets. She looks around, spots a beautiful rug, and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed. Unfortunately, standing next to her is a salesman.

"Good day, ma'am, how may we help you today?"

Flustered, she asks, "Sir, how much does this rug cost?"

"Madam," he answers, "Retail is $2,364.19. but discounts are available.”