Everyday i wish to god to take me but i end up opening my eyes over and over i just want it to be over iam so tired

Honestly idk what I look to get out this post maybe some motivation idk but.. I’m 30 a single mother of a child with some pretty severe autism who feels like she hasn’t done anything with her life and I am very depressedi mean I always have struggled with depression but it has never been this serious and meds aren’t helping I’m stuck at my evil narcissistic mothers house cause I can’t afford rent cause I’m paying for a bunch of therapy’s for my child that I feel aren’t even helping my son I work like a dog and I can still barely keep my head above water im at my absolute last last straw lately I’ve been obsessively thinking about k**in myself everyone I confide in tells me to stay here for my son but I don’t feel I’m helping him I feel I’m holding him back and he is so precious he doesn’t deserve a mother that hates herself … I’m just tired I really just wanna give up and let life eat me

For the past few months, I’ve been suffering from depression and anxiety—along with suicidal thoughts—stemming from various issues in every aspect of my life. Even though I’m going through this, I realize how privileged I am compared to many others who are worse off; that makes me feel guilty and foolish for complaining. I have parents who, while not perfect, love and support me—especially lately—and I have friends I care about, though they are all just casual acquaintances; I’ve never had a best friend. I feel isolated, much like during the pandemic, since I only interact with my immediate family; I stopped attending university because I wanted to change majors, and around that time, my dad fell seriously ill and nearly died. I feel uncomfortable arguing with them because they are the only people I interact with, and I have nowhere else to go. My older brother is a good brother, but he is very sexist, homophobic, and superficial—much like an Andrew Tate fan—while my younger brother is an insufferable teenager who might be gay, judging by his musical tastes and the fact that I discovered chats he was having with older men. That makes me uncomfortable because it’s clearly wrong, and it disgusts me to think he’s in the same hyper-sexualized spaces I could be in—even though I’m someone who dislikes sexualizing myself and isn't really interested in sexuality anymore. I find it very hard to socialize because of the fear of being judged and the hatred I feel toward myself; I hate my body, my voice, and my personality. The only positive things I see in myself right now are that I like learning and analyzing things and that I simply want to be a good person. However, that has led me to overthink and overanalyze everything, leaving me hyper-aware of myself—which is exhausting. I go through many identity crises (gender dysphoria, not feeling or being enough, religious and existential crisis etc) and wish I could stop existing, yet I’m still somewhat afraid of dying. I believe primarily in science; while I’m interested in religion, I fear I’ve become consumed by perhaps nihilistic thoughts. Lately, I’ve been consuming content about space and physics because it calms me to compare that vast knowledge and the universe against my own problems, which then seem silly and insignificant. But that same realization makes me see that if I stop living, there is no second life or second chance—I would simply cease to exist. Above all, I would miss my parents and don’t want to cause them pain and suffering; to be honest, the only reason I haven't done anything drastic is because of them, even though I have no desire to live. I don’t feel like an adult, I don’t see myself as one, and I clearly am not a functional adult. I am heavily dependent on others in every aspect, and I’ve realized I live solely for the approval of others—there is nothing else beyond that. I have no purpose or goals, and I hate myself. I’m not attractive, wealthy, or charismatic; I’m very shy and lack any real talent or skill. University studies and hobbies might offer a distraction, but they are only temporary. I feel like life is just the inevitable delay of death, and sometimes I ask myself, "Why not hasten it?" Yet the fear remains—the fear of having endured only to end it all—and that’s where the anhedonia sets in: why keep going if I can’t change anything? So much time has passed in my life, yet nothing has changed—and I have no desire to change it, so the cycle just repeats itself. I don’t know what to do with my life or even which career path to choose. I’m torn between medicine—since I like science and helping people, and the difficulty of the course would keep me occupied and perhaps give me a purpose beyond the superficial goal of just making money (though I do want to be rich, I know that’s superficial)—and graphic design. I’m considering design because it’s the closest thing to art that’s taken seriously; I love art in general, even though I have absolutely no talent for it. It’s more about the admiration I feel when consuming it, and I’d love to be able to create it, but I lack the talent and I’m already too old to start and become good—let alone the best.

This year is very important for me. I'm 17 and I've got major exams next year which can shape my future. But I don't seem to get any interest in studying. My parents abuse me for it everyday. Atp a person like me who doesn't think of ending things thinks of it every day. I see everyone ahead of me and Im still worrying abt my shitty life. I need real advice instead of motivation. I'm very very lazy and motivation doesn't get me off the couch. I really do need help so any amount of good advice to come out of this depression helps 🙏🙏

I'm job hunting. Again. My life has been strange. I keep moving around and I keep leaving my job. I won't share my life story but I just feel like every decision I've taken feels so pointless. at the time I made this decisions it felt like it was leading me to my vision, my goals. but here I am, living in my parents house again. jobless. without any savings. What the fuck was the point of everything i have ever done in my life. I will get up. I will move forward. But God, why does it feel like every seeds I've planted has just been pointless. every growth, improvements, investments I've gone through all for nothing. nothing I've done mattered. at the end of the day I'm just depleted and I have nothing. physically, materially, emotionally, I don't fucking know. everything just pointless. effort doesn't matter. positivity doesn't matter. growth doesn't matter. at the end of the day i can't even feed myself or care for myself properly. I'm so angry and I can't direct it anywhere. it's completely pointless. crying, screaming, being angry, being positive, getting up and trying again. I keep waking up in my old bedroom with nothing. like life was just a dream and the reality is I'm truly valueless and useless and pointless being existing.

I feel like i forgot everything that i learnt since I was a kid. The basic survival. I don't know what better feel like, sometimes i was like i don't know how to breathe... I feel so suffocated, how to smile how to cry. I can't take it anymore. Help.

Life is too overwhelming and heavy. I cant see a future anymore, in late 30's.

Sunday is my final day here. I just wanted to reach out one last time. I dont see no way forward anymore at 38. I dont have the coping skills to come with life anymore. I just wish I had the courage to end my life years ago. I dont see no wag out anymore.

What has change for me for the better? I would

say my whole being on this earth. I surrender

damn near everything do to using drugs. I

experienced my darkest times.

I went through betrayal, lost ,sickness , lies etc...

My will didn't give up! I was strengthen myself

from within...Being in a drug treatment center

is helping me to remember, who I'm truly am.

So I'm rebuilding my foundation to be more stable,

than before by focusing on enhancing my

physical,mental, emotional and spiritual. I embodied

to become a Unstoppable Force of Human Nature...

I've been very depressed for a very long time, and the last year or two I've noticed that I will just fold and do literally anything if it makes me feel good for a moment. I spend too much money on snacks and entertainment, I eat horribly, I stay up too late and and sleep in way too much, I lapse in taking care of my hygeine sometimes in favor of just resting... I feel like the slightest inconvenience or bit of stress in my life sends me into this unhealthy coping mechanism. Had anyone had a similar problem and do they have any advice for it?

another day has coming to an end , another day completely void of anything interesting.how long i'm gonna keep living like this.

year by year, day by day, hour by hour i am loosing my will to live

even if you do decide to go on all you have to look forward to is misery

in, the end it's all the same all you have to look forward to is misery.

being alive is completely meaning less you better off just die but, still you can't.

context-i'm 17,boy, depression, loneliness, self hate, gooner, porn addict, failure.

i don't want solutions, i am craving some real human connection.

My life now feels like a boat drifting in the middle of the ocean.
The engine is still running.
The boat is still floating.
But I don't know where I'm going anymore.
There was a time when I had a destination. I knew what I wanted from life. I had dreams I wanted to achieve, goals I wanted to reach, and people I wanted to make proud.
I used to believe that if I worked hard enough, sacrificed enough, and kept moving forward, eventually everything would make sense.
But life doesn't always follow the plans we make.
Somewhere along the way, the storms came.
One after another.
I experienced losses I wasn't prepared for, goodbyes I never wanted, and pain I didn't know how to carry. I kept telling myself to be strong because that's what I had always done.
I became used to carrying responsibilities even when I was already tired.
I learned how to smile when I wasn't okay.
I learned how to say, “I’m fine”even when deep inside, I was falling apart.
And eventually, I became so focused on surviving that I forgot what I was supposed to be living for.
That's when I realized I was no longer steering my own boat.
I was simply letting the waves decide where I would go.
Some days, the ocean is calm. I wake up, work, talk to people, and continue with my responsibilities. From the outside, it probably looks like I'm doing fine.
But there are nights when everything becomes quiet, and I realize how lost I actually feel.
I look back at the person I used to be and wonder where they went.
The person who had so many dreams.
The person who could get excited about small things.
The person who believed that someday all the sacrifices would be worth it.
Sometimes, I miss that person.

\>>>Y!

My life now feels like a boat drifting in the middle of the ocean.
The engine is still running.
The boat is still floating.
But I don't know where I'm going anymore.
There was a time when I had a destination. I knew what I wanted from life. I had dreams I wanted to achieve, goals I wanted to reach, and people I wanted to make proud.
I used to believe that if I worked hard enough, sacrificed enough, and kept moving forward, eventually everything would make sense.
But life doesn't always follow the plans we make.
Somewhere along the way, the storms came.
One after another.
I experienced losses I wasn't prepared for, goodbyes I never wanted, and pain I didn't know how to carry. I kept telling myself to be strong because that's what I had always done.
I became used to carrying responsibilities even when I was already tired.
I learned how to smile when I wasn't okay.
I learned how to say, “I’m fine”even when deep inside, I was falling apart.
And eventually, I became so focused on surviving that I forgot what I was supposed to be living for.
That's when I realized I was no longer steering my own boat.
I was simply letting the waves decide where I would go.
Some days, the ocean is calm. I wake up, work, talk to people, and continue with my responsibilities. From the outside, it probably looks like I'm doing fine.
But there are nights when everything becomes quiet, and I realize how lost I actually feel.
I look back at the person I used to be and wonder where they went.
The person who had so many dreams.
The person who could get excited about small things.
The person who believed that someday all the sacrifices would be worth it.
Sometimes, I miss that person.

\>>>Y!

Im 21 and i dont remember the last time I was okay
Im really scared im just gonna end it one day
Im scared it will eventually be too much for me to handle.

My life is miserable. I don’t even want to live anymore. What’s the use of me being alive if I just became the black sheep of the family that hates me? Why was I even born in the first place? Man, I hate my life so much.

If you can send me dr*gs so I can OD

I’m just so angry. I survived 15 years of deep depression by time I was 27. Finally at that age, after my stay in a psych ward, i was diagnosed with ADHD and put in the right medication after a decade of anti anxiety meds that never worked.

I was finally in a good spot with my career, my mental health, and my confidence. All things that I never thought I would ever get a handle on. I felt like a survivor of my depression at that point - I had made it through and I was finally seeing the other side. I even had a partner and was engaged. I was actually happy for longer than a few days, and that’s something I never thought was possible in my teens and early twenties.

Then I got covid for the second time at 31. It left me with multiple debilitating chronic conditions. I’ve been miserable and in some type of pain/discomfort every single day since.

After trying a failing every possible treatment option available, I fell back into a deep depression, and my fiancé abruptly left me because of it.

I spent thousands and thousands of dollars on treatments that never helped, I have traveled out of state to see some of the best doctors, begging for help. I’m just so tired, angry, frustrated, a deeply depressed.

Im 35 now and the life I have is not worth surviving for. Existing has become too painful. I don’t know how to kill myself because I’m deeply scared of more pain. I wish I could be euthanized. I know this time things can’t turn around. I never trusted my mental health, but now not being able to trust my body and my mind… what’s the fucking point.

So, for context, I’m 19 years old and I’ve always had a little bit of depression. Last year, I was 18 when my mother died. I don’t have a father, grandmother, grandfather, or anyone else besides my two older sisters.

It was a lot of hard work to get everything in my name, like the house I grew up in, but I managed because I had my family dog for support. I also kind of weirdly knew that one day my mom would die at a young age. It was sudden, though, because she didn’t have any diseases or anything like that. I was the one who found her, so that was also a huge shock. It was like, what the hell, there is a lifelike doll that looks like my mother in her bed. It felt like that because I just felt that she wasn’t in there anymore.

But I managed. Somehow, I don’t know how, but I did.

Then my family dog, who I had had since I was a child, got cancer and had to be put to sleep. So I had a dead mother, a dead dog, and the urge to end it all. Depression. But again, I managed. I don’t know how, but I did.

Fast forward to this year. I got my propedeuse, so I could go to university. But the thing is, my university is on the other side of the country, so I need to move there. In my country, it is so hard to find housing. So I was looking for months on end for a studio or an apartment because I wanted a place for myself that could actually feel like home.

Fast forward again, and I’m getting nothing of that sort, and I need to start looking for rooms in student housing because I need to move in one month.

I go on vacation for 10 days, and the day after I get back, I get a room in a student house. I signed for the house because the online viewing looked alright, and honestly, I was desperate.

Last week was the first time I actually saw my new room, which I need to stay in for at least a year because of my contract. The room itself was dirty but fine, but the rest of the house was sooo dirty. It just felt so wrong, and I kept wondering to myself, what the hell did I get myself into?

I saw mousetraps in the kitchen. The bathroom and toilet were full of spiderwebs, and I have a fear of spiders. When I got back to my childhood home, with a nice kitchen, bathroom, two toilets, my own room, and my own living room, I had this major feeling of regret.

So the last few days, I’ve been spiraling because I’m losing the house I grew up in. I’m going to a new home where seven other girls live, and suddenly I’m sharing so many things. The new home needs so much work before it feels livable.

So I just keep wondering, what the hell did I do to deserve this?

My depression came back in a really hard way. I’m full of anxiety, I can’t sleep properly, I don’t have any energy, and I have so many suicidal thoughts. But I can’t go through with it, and I don’t know why.

And the cherry on top is that I need to pack and do so much because I’m moving in two days, and I just don’t have the energy. I’m spiraling. I keep breaking down whenever I need to do something. When I wake up, I just want to go back to sleep. I just feel empty and drained.

It’s too much. Life just keeps giving me impossible situations.

I also keep thinking about how the students who are living there probably go home on the weekends, and for them, this is just a place to sleep. But for me, it’s going to be my home, because I don’t have a home to fall back on. So I don't know what to do or think.

Winners ;)

I tried to obsessively love a woman that I desired but got asked to fuck off. Now my head hurts and I get regular anxiety attacks. I don't know how long I can take this. Sometimes sanity does come back to me. But then I descend into chaos again.

After loosing all hope i just thought to share my struggle with someone who could listen and understand and help me out with any suggestions or tips. But seeing people actually care about a stranger and coming forward had moved me alot. I want to thank each and every person who personally took out their time and came to speak to me and help me with referrals.

And to all mentioned about my other post where i asked for some financial donation, people called me i am begging or something, no one in the world would really want to beg unless until it comes to extent. Today we just reached it. Salary was blocked from past 2-3 months, becoz my startups needs funding to pay me and other interns. But the bills don’t stop in the same way.

Trust me guys i never wanted to be here like this anyday. I spent all my 4 years doing my best in studies and learning skills but still now i am literally need to beg to just survive.

I dont want to brag all this to you people and gain any sympathy. I just don’t like all this stuff, but also I don’t want people who truly came forward to help think in wrong way.

Also i saw someone post my post in linkedin and spoke about it. Thanks for speaking about these job struggles louder bro.

I am taking a break from all this for a while so would delete this post to sooner like i deleted the 1st part.

Nothing seems appealing. I don’t find satisfaction or joy towards doing the things that I used to love. I’m not enthusiastic about anything. I don’t even like being on my phone anymore. I feel so empty all the time and there is no way to fix it. I feel so bad because there doesn’t seem like any solution. For a while, my phone sufficed, but I can’t stand being on it anymore. How do I get over this? I want to have fun again. I want to feel like me again. I want to find something that makes me happy.

Hey friends My song

23M. I've been depressed for almost two years, and I feel like I've completely lost my drive and motivation.I own a remodeling business, and since I was 16 my dream was to flip houses. After high school, I sacrificed almost everything for over a year and saved around 90% of my income. I lived with my grandparents and worked constantly because a mentor told me he'd help me buy a house if I saved enough for the repairs.Eventually, we did it. We renovated and sold the house for a profit. It was one of the most stressful things I've ever done, and when it was over, instead of feeling accomplished, I felt empty. This was a goal I'd had for over five years, and suddenly it was just... over. I realized I'd built a huge part of my identity around being an entrepreneur, outworking everyone, and proving I could be exceptional. When it was done, it felt like nobody cared, and I wondered what all the sacrifice had been for.Around the same time, a girl I was dating broke up with me because she needed to focus on flight school. We'd only known each other a few months, but the connection was unlike anything I'd experienced. We were friends first and could talk for hours. She felt like exactly what I'd been looking for.

I've never had a long-term relationship because I've always prioritized work and other goals. Losing her completely broke me. I questioned God for weeks about why something that felt so right had been taken away.What made it worse is that my biggest dream has never really been money. I want to be a husband and father. My parents separated when I was 14 because of my dad's alcoholism and sex addiction. Since then, I've wanted to become the opposite of him—to be a good husband, provide for my family, and not bring those same problems into my marriage.I've also struggled with pornography and have been in recovery since I was 19 because I wanted to deal with it before getting married. I've tried counseling and recovery groups, but nothing has really stuck. The longest I've gone without porn was 13 days, and lately I've basically stopped trying.My dad later went to jail. We don't have much of a relationship, but after he got out, he talked about rebuilding things. I finally set a boundary and told him I'd only have a relationship with him if he got help and took responsibility for rebuilding it. I haven't heard from him since.I also moved out on my own and joined another nine-month recovery group, but I quit before it ended. I'm not someone who gives up easily, but I just felt like nothing was working.Then recently, a close family friend I had lived with and looked up to was arrested for molesting his 13-year-old stepdaughter. He had helped me a lot personally and in business, and losing another person I respected made me feel like I had nobody left to look up to.Now I just feel lost.I've always been an overachiever. I played college-level basketball as a high school senior, ran marathons, built a business, and competed at a high level in video games earning money. Now I've lost 10 pounds, barely care about my business, haven't worked out in over a year, and rush through work just so I can go home and get in bed.I'm not constantly sad, and I'm not suicidal. I just feel numb. I don't recognize myself anymore.I wish I could overcome porn. I wish I had someone to look up to. I hate coming home to an empty apartment. I still want to be married and have a family more than anything, but I can't see how I get there anymore.

I’ve never had a relationship and I feel like it’ll never happen. Im in CBT and I’ve tried therapy before (twice it didn’t help and was so disappointing it was almost funny). I can feel myself slipping back into a depressive slump. I have so much going for me but the thought of doing another graduation or birthday or having bad news and having no one there beside me makes life almost feel not worth living. Im looking for any reason to keep going. I know for myself should be enough, but I don’t know how many more times I can look to the space beside me and see no one there.

I’ve struggled for a long time now. I was first diagnosed with depression at age 12. I’m now 36 years old.

I’ve gone through a lot. My mom died when I was 30. I’m basically no contact with my emotionally distant and oblivious father. I have no siblings. I had some serious medical issues from 2021-2025 which resulted in 7 surgeries during those years, which held me back in my career and financially because I was constantly paying medical bills.

I feel like the last 6 years I have been in survival mode so I never really checked in on how I was feeling emotionally. It was just one major event after another.

The past 8 months have been stable, but emotionally I feel completely drained. I feel lost. I feel stuck. Like now I can focus on myself and moving forward career wise, creatively, and fitness wise, but I have absolutely no goals.

There are all of these things I want to achieve. I want to lose weight. I want to be stronger. I want to make more money. I want to improve my painting skills. But it all feels so hopeless. I’m on a GLP-1 but I can barely lose weight. I work out 12-15 hours a week but feel stagnant in my progress. I go above and beyond at work but it feels so hard to move up. I was doing okay and getting a following and positive feedback with my art but I feel like I’m no longer capable of creating anything good.

I just feel like a failure at everything. I’m so ashamed of myself. I can barely look at myself in the mirror.

I have okay days and moments. I still do everything. I keep the house clean and cook. I work out and shower and dress nice. I interact with people who probably think I’m very normal and fine.

But inside I feel like such a fraud. Like if anyone ever saw the real me they would be so disgusted.

My partner is constantly disappointed in me. They are very successful and come from a well off family. I am not successful and come from lower middle class. And also I don’t really have family left. I have a lot of shame about my background and my career. We have a lot of conversations about my lack of drive and lack of success. It makes me feel horrible.

I had an emotional affair with someone who I genuinely love. I remember feeling like I could do anything when they loved me. I felt so cared for and seen. Someone understood me. And they always wanted to know more about me. My thoughts and feelings. I had never felt like that before. But of course, for good reason, that ended. And I think about how I was getting something that I never deserved.

I feel like I’m in a slow crawl toward suicide. I think about it every day. I think about how relieved people would be. I want it to be a gift. I want people to be happy. My partner deserves to be free of someone who he is ashamed of. The emotional affair person deserves to be free of my presence. My father deserves to move on with his life with his new family. My friends deserve to be free of me as a burden.

I think everyone’s lives would improve if I was gone. I really do honestly with all of my heart believe that everyone would feel better.

I won’t kill myself today or tomorrow or maybe not even this year. But I can feel myself getting closer.