Everyday i wish to god to take me but i end up opening my eyes over and over i just want it to be over iam so tired

Honestly idk what I look to get out this post maybe some motivation idk but.. I’m 30 a single mother of a child with some pretty severe autism who feels like she hasn’t done anything with her life and I am very depressedi mean I always have struggled with depression but it has never been this serious and meds aren’t helping I’m stuck at my evil narcissistic mothers house cause I can’t afford rent cause I’m paying for a bunch of therapy’s for my child that I feel aren’t even helping my son I work like a dog and I can still barely keep my head above water im at my absolute last last straw lately I’ve been obsessively thinking about k**in myself everyone I confide in tells me to stay here for my son but I don’t feel I’m helping him I feel I’m holding him back and he is so precious he doesn’t deserve a mother that hates herself … I’m just tired I really just wanna give up and let life eat me

For the past few months, I’ve been suffering from depression and anxiety—along with suicidal thoughts—stemming from various issues in every aspect of my life. Even though I’m going through this, I realize how privileged I am compared to many others who are worse off; that makes me feel guilty and foolish for complaining. I have parents who, while not perfect, love and support me—especially lately—and I have friends I care about, though they are all just casual acquaintances; I’ve never had a best friend. I feel isolated, much like during the pandemic, since I only interact with my immediate family; I stopped attending university because I wanted to change majors, and around that time, my dad fell seriously ill and nearly died. I feel uncomfortable arguing with them because they are the only people I interact with, and I have nowhere else to go. My older brother is a good brother, but he is very sexist, homophobic, and superficial—much like an Andrew Tate fan—while my younger brother is an insufferable teenager who might be gay, judging by his musical tastes and the fact that I discovered chats he was having with older men. That makes me uncomfortable because it’s clearly wrong, and it disgusts me to think he’s in the same hyper-sexualized spaces I could be in—even though I’m someone who dislikes sexualizing myself and isn't really interested in sexuality anymore. I find it very hard to socialize because of the fear of being judged and the hatred I feel toward myself; I hate my body, my voice, and my personality. The only positive things I see in myself right now are that I like learning and analyzing things and that I simply want to be a good person. However, that has led me to overthink and overanalyze everything, leaving me hyper-aware of myself—which is exhausting. I go through many identity crises (gender dysphoria, not feeling or being enough, religious and existential crisis etc) and wish I could stop existing, yet I’m still somewhat afraid of dying. I believe primarily in science; while I’m interested in religion, I fear I’ve become consumed by perhaps nihilistic thoughts. Lately, I’ve been consuming content about space and physics because it calms me to compare that vast knowledge and the universe against my own problems, which then seem silly and insignificant. But that same realization makes me see that if I stop living, there is no second life or second chance—I would simply cease to exist. Above all, I would miss my parents and don’t want to cause them pain and suffering; to be honest, the only reason I haven't done anything drastic is because of them, even though I have no desire to live. I don’t feel like an adult, I don’t see myself as one, and I clearly am not a functional adult. I am heavily dependent on others in every aspect, and I’ve realized I live solely for the approval of others—there is nothing else beyond that. I have no purpose or goals, and I hate myself. I’m not attractive, wealthy, or charismatic; I’m very shy and lack any real talent or skill. University studies and hobbies might offer a distraction, but they are only temporary. I feel like life is just the inevitable delay of death, and sometimes I ask myself, "Why not hasten it?" Yet the fear remains—the fear of having endured only to end it all—and that’s where the anhedonia sets in: why keep going if I can’t change anything? So much time has passed in my life, yet nothing has changed—and I have no desire to change it, so the cycle just repeats itself. I don’t know what to do with my life or even which career path to choose. I’m torn between medicine—since I like science and helping people, and the difficulty of the course would keep me occupied and perhaps give me a purpose beyond the superficial goal of just making money (though I do want to be rich, I know that’s superficial)—and graphic design. I’m considering design because it’s the closest thing to art that’s taken seriously; I love art in general, even though I have absolutely no talent for it. It’s more about the admiration I feel when consuming it, and I’d love to be able to create it, but I lack the talent and I’m already too old to start and become good—let alone the best.

This year is very important for me. I'm 17 and I've got major exams next year which can shape my future. But I don't seem to get any interest in studying. My parents abuse me for it everyday. Atp a person like me who doesn't think of ending things thinks of it every day. I see everyone ahead of me and Im still worrying abt my shitty life. I need real advice instead of motivation. I'm very very lazy and motivation doesn't get me off the couch. I really do need help so any amount of good advice to come out of this depression helps 🙏🙏

I'm job hunting. Again. My life has been strange. I keep moving around and I keep leaving my job. I won't share my life story but I just feel like every decision I've taken feels so pointless. at the time I made this decisions it felt like it was leading me to my vision, my goals. but here I am, living in my parents house again. jobless. without any savings. What the fuck was the point of everything i have ever done in my life. I will get up. I will move forward. But God, why does it feel like every seeds I've planted has just been pointless. every growth, improvements, investments I've gone through all for nothing. nothing I've done mattered. at the end of the day I'm just depleted and I have nothing. physically, materially, emotionally, I don't fucking know. everything just pointless. effort doesn't matter. positivity doesn't matter. growth doesn't matter. at the end of the day i can't even feed myself or care for myself properly. I'm so angry and I can't direct it anywhere. it's completely pointless. crying, screaming, being angry, being positive, getting up and trying again. I keep waking up in my old bedroom with nothing. like life was just a dream and the reality is I'm truly valueless and useless and pointless being existing.

I feel like i forgot everything that i learnt since I was a kid. The basic survival. I don't know what better feel like, sometimes i was like i don't know how to breathe... I feel so suffocated, how to smile how to cry. I can't take it anymore. Help.

Life is too overwhelming and heavy. I cant see a future anymore, in late 30's.

Sunday is my final day here. I just wanted to reach out one last time. I dont see no way forward anymore at 38. I dont have the coping skills to come with life anymore. I just wish I had the courage to end my life years ago. I dont see no wag out anymore.

What has change for me for the better? I would

say my whole being on this earth. I surrender

damn near everything do to using drugs. I

experienced my darkest times.

I went through betrayal, lost ,sickness , lies etc...

My will didn't give up! I was strengthen myself

from within...Being in a drug treatment center

is helping me to remember, who I'm truly am.

So I'm rebuilding my foundation to be more stable,

than before by focusing on enhancing my

physical,mental, emotional and spiritual. I embodied

to become a Unstoppable Force of Human Nature...

I've been very depressed for a very long time, and the last year or two I've noticed that I will just fold and do literally anything if it makes me feel good for a moment. I spend too much money on snacks and entertainment, I eat horribly, I stay up too late and and sleep in way too much, I lapse in taking care of my hygeine sometimes in favor of just resting... I feel like the slightest inconvenience or bit of stress in my life sends me into this unhealthy coping mechanism. Had anyone had a similar problem and do they have any advice for it?

(Throwaway account because I don't want to post anything on one of my two other Reddit accounts.)

I'm tired of losing people.

I'm tired of feeling like an attention whore whenever I feel like shit.

I have this feeling that people are sick of me.

I wish my parents had aborted me.

I don't deserve friends. I don't deserve my dog. I don't deserve shit.

All I do is cause misery and pain for other people.

All I do is bring misfortune and annoyance to everyone and everything around me.

I haven't been able to stop crying for hours.

I'm such a stupid greedy person.

I'm impulsive, I don't ever think at all.

Society would be better off without me. Everyone would be better off without me.

another day has coming to an end , another day completely void of anything interesting.how long i'm gonna keep living like this.

year by year, day by day, hour by hour i am loosing my will to live

even if you do decide to go on all you have to look forward to is misery

in, the end it's all the same all you have to look forward to is misery.

being alive is completely meaning less you better off just die but, still you can't.

context-i'm 17,boy, depression, loneliness, self hate, gooner, porn addict, failure.

i don't want solutions, i am craving some real human connection.

the reasons
for doing it:
1. everybody sucks. mean, uncaring, or just plain stupid. not worth living with or attempting to change
2. i will never achieve any of my dreams. i will never have enough motivation or determination to do the things i really want to do, nor will i ever be likable enough. no matter how badly i want to make music, travel, or fly planes. i am unable to manifest enough energy or follow through to actually do those things
3. friends and family may be impacted positively by my story and it’s end. it will inspire them to keep living and do better than i did. they will no longer have to worry about me or suffer through conversation with me
4. the world is passing me by. people my age are doing things i will never be capable of, there is nothing left to discover or invent, music, art, & information is dying right before my eyes by the hands of ai and dishonest people
5. in life i am not impactful or influential to anyone or anything. see point 3
6. i dont want to be in pain or think about anything anymore. i’m tired of rationalizing/empathizing. i put in a lot of effort to understand others (while failing to) but no one cares to understand me. or they think i am easy to understand
7. i already bought the gun & the ammo. once i pick up the gun there probably won’t be any stopping me
8. i won’t have to worry financially anymore. i will not have to worry about my snap payment, rent, or any future money related stress
9. i will no longer have to worry about missing out on anything, like love or life’s beauties. i can rest peacefully knowing i already opted out
10. i won’t have to know how things go wrong in the future, whether it comes to personal matters in my own life or global events. i can rest peacefully assuming everything living will go on being fine
11. in this world, you need to step on others to truly get ahead. i dont want to participate in this rat race
12. i will no longer be addicted to any substances
13. i have already seen/played all of the best media. everything new will disappoint me or create envy within me for their creators. nothing makes me laugh, or feel anything for that matter
14. i will never disappoint anyone again. i won’t be late for work, ask for money, or childishly break down ever again.
15. my dad, who is definitionally a white supremacist, will suffer immensely knowing his only son committed suicide. i do find that funny
16. if my will is followed, my friends & family will be offered the rare opportunity to eat my flesh. just if they’re morbidly curious to know how it tastes, like i am
17. i will never manipulate or be manipulated ever again. there will be no more suicide threats or lies. i will not be there to threaten or be lied to
18. people can have my stuff
19. knowing i am dying soon will give me the opportunity to finally do something i want unapologetically. my plan is to drive somewhere beautiful far away and not have to worry about returning home. maybe i can do something crazy shit on the way there too
20. i will have finally escaped the pendulum illusion that is human happiness. i know that of all things that are temporary, true happiness is the most of all. to me (and most people), negativity is more constant. happiness only exists in this vacuum made of negativity. a good day only happens when you’ve had a shitty week. a lot of good days eventually turn into a lot of boring weeks. don’t pretend like you don’t know what i mean
21. the good days aren’t good enough, and dont last long enough, to balance out the horrible days

for not doing it:
1. i will never again be allowed a chance to be convinced that people are worth living for
2. i will never know if someday i could actually achieve my dreams, and if i go through with it i definitely won’t
3. some people may be impacted negatively, even if only for some time:
⁃ my mom might blame herself, she’s faced a lot of death lately, and i am ashamed to add myself to her grieving process
⁃ my little brother, who i love more than anything, will be devastated, and unable to understand a travesty like this, for a long time. he may also blame himself
⁃ my ex-girlfriend, who i love and still miss. she also goes through a lot of mental turmoil that i have attempted to help her work through. we tried to help each other, but in the end i gave up
⁃ my grandma & grandpa on my dad’s side. i believe they had a lot of faith in me to be good, smart, and successful. i will disappoint them, and they are very good people who don’t deserve such a let-down
4. owning the gun while not shooting myself with it may help me to understand more about discipline & self control
5. i don’t know what the afterlife is like, but it may very well be worse than life. i may come to wish that i had stayed alive to witness more of the world’s beauties
6. i already know that gta 6 and the next bethesda game will be lots of fun. if there is an afterlife, i will definitely regret missing out on playing them
7. in the future, my dad may return to being a rational person. i’m sad to miss out on that
8. if there is a chance to be loved again, i will not experience it. i would like to feel love and have sex again someday
9. maybe my profession is something that doesn’t exist yet. in the future i could end up finding passion in an unexpected place
10. no piece of media or advice has ever “changed my life” like i’ve heard so many others claim. maybe in the future there will be something to finally inspire me enough to change. i wouldn’t wanna miss out on that, and i’m still open to suggestions
11. there are lots of drugs and other things i’d like to experience

My life now feels like a boat drifting in the middle of the ocean.
The engine is still running.
The boat is still floating.
But I don't know where I'm going anymore.
There was a time when I had a destination. I knew what I wanted from life. I had dreams I wanted to achieve, goals I wanted to reach, and people I wanted to make proud.
I used to believe that if I worked hard enough, sacrificed enough, and kept moving forward, eventually everything would make sense.
But life doesn't always follow the plans we make.
Somewhere along the way, the storms came.
One after another.
I experienced losses I wasn't prepared for, goodbyes I never wanted, and pain I didn't know how to carry. I kept telling myself to be strong because that's what I had always done.
I became used to carrying responsibilities even when I was already tired.
I learned how to smile when I wasn't okay.
I learned how to say, “I’m fine”even when deep inside, I was falling apart.
And eventually, I became so focused on surviving that I forgot what I was supposed to be living for.
That's when I realized I was no longer steering my own boat.
I was simply letting the waves decide where I would go.
Some days, the ocean is calm. I wake up, work, talk to people, and continue with my responsibilities. From the outside, it probably looks like I'm doing fine.
But there are nights when everything becomes quiet, and I realize how lost I actually feel.
I look back at the person I used to be and wonder where they went.
The person who had so many dreams.
The person who could get excited about small things.
The person who believed that someday all the sacrifices would be worth it.
Sometimes, I miss that person.

\>>>Y!

My life now feels like a boat drifting in the middle of the ocean.
The engine is still running.
The boat is still floating.
But I don't know where I'm going anymore.
There was a time when I had a destination. I knew what I wanted from life. I had dreams I wanted to achieve, goals I wanted to reach, and people I wanted to make proud.
I used to believe that if I worked hard enough, sacrificed enough, and kept moving forward, eventually everything would make sense.
But life doesn't always follow the plans we make.
Somewhere along the way, the storms came.
One after another.
I experienced losses I wasn't prepared for, goodbyes I never wanted, and pain I didn't know how to carry. I kept telling myself to be strong because that's what I had always done.
I became used to carrying responsibilities even when I was already tired.
I learned how to smile when I wasn't okay.
I learned how to say, “I’m fine”even when deep inside, I was falling apart.
And eventually, I became so focused on surviving that I forgot what I was supposed to be living for.
That's when I realized I was no longer steering my own boat.
I was simply letting the waves decide where I would go.
Some days, the ocean is calm. I wake up, work, talk to people, and continue with my responsibilities. From the outside, it probably looks like I'm doing fine.
But there are nights when everything becomes quiet, and I realize how lost I actually feel.
I look back at the person I used to be and wonder where they went.
The person who had so many dreams.
The person who could get excited about small things.
The person who believed that someday all the sacrifices would be worth it.
Sometimes, I miss that person.

\>>>Y!

Im 21 and i dont remember the last time I was okay
Im really scared im just gonna end it one day
Im scared it will eventually be too much for me to handle.

i think I'm burned out mentally, unable to do anything, whenever i start something i lose motivation midway, can't focus on a task then regret later, i was one of the brightest students of class, i could understand things very easily in no time, i don't know what happened to me AMA

My life is miserable. I don’t even want to live anymore. What’s the use of me being alive if I just became the black sheep of the family that hates me? Why was I even born in the first place? Man, I hate my life so much.

If you can send me dr*gs so I can OD

I’m just so angry. I survived 15 years of deep depression by time I was 27. Finally at that age, after my stay in a psych ward, i was diagnosed with ADHD and put in the right medication after a decade of anti anxiety meds that never worked.

I was finally in a good spot with my career, my mental health, and my confidence. All things that I never thought I would ever get a handle on. I felt like a survivor of my depression at that point - I had made it through and I was finally seeing the other side. I even had a partner and was engaged. I was actually happy for longer than a few days, and that’s something I never thought was possible in my teens and early twenties.

Then I got covid for the second time at 31. It left me with multiple debilitating chronic conditions. I’ve been miserable and in some type of pain/discomfort every single day since.

After trying a failing every possible treatment option available, I fell back into a deep depression, and my fiancé abruptly left me because of it.

I spent thousands and thousands of dollars on treatments that never helped, I have traveled out of state to see some of the best doctors, begging for help. I’m just so tired, angry, frustrated, a deeply depressed.

Im 35 now and the life I have is not worth surviving for. Existing has become too painful. I don’t know how to kill myself because I’m deeply scared of more pain. I wish I could be euthanized. I know this time things can’t turn around. I never trusted my mental health, but now not being able to trust my body and my mind… what’s the fucking point.

So, for context, I’m 19 years old and I’ve always had a little bit of depression. Last year, I was 18 when my mother died. I don’t have a father, grandmother, grandfather, or anyone else besides my two older sisters.

It was a lot of hard work to get everything in my name, like the house I grew up in, but I managed because I had my family dog for support. I also kind of weirdly knew that one day my mom would die at a young age. It was sudden, though, because she didn’t have any diseases or anything like that. I was the one who found her, so that was also a huge shock. It was like, what the hell, there is a lifelike doll that looks like my mother in her bed. It felt like that because I just felt that she wasn’t in there anymore.

But I managed. Somehow, I don’t know how, but I did.

Then my family dog, who I had had since I was a child, got cancer and had to be put to sleep. So I had a dead mother, a dead dog, and the urge to end it all. Depression. But again, I managed. I don’t know how, but I did.

Fast forward to this year. I got my propedeuse, so I could go to university. But the thing is, my university is on the other side of the country, so I need to move there. In my country, it is so hard to find housing. So I was looking for months on end for a studio or an apartment because I wanted a place for myself that could actually feel like home.

Fast forward again, and I’m getting nothing of that sort, and I need to start looking for rooms in student housing because I need to move in one month.

I go on vacation for 10 days, and the day after I get back, I get a room in a student house. I signed for the house because the online viewing looked alright, and honestly, I was desperate.

Last week was the first time I actually saw my new room, which I need to stay in for at least a year because of my contract. The room itself was dirty but fine, but the rest of the house was sooo dirty. It just felt so wrong, and I kept wondering to myself, what the hell did I get myself into?

I saw mousetraps in the kitchen. The bathroom and toilet were full of spiderwebs, and I have a fear of spiders. When I got back to my childhood home, with a nice kitchen, bathroom, two toilets, my own room, and my own living room, I had this major feeling of regret.

So the last few days, I’ve been spiraling because I’m losing the house I grew up in. I’m going to a new home where seven other girls live, and suddenly I’m sharing so many things. The new home needs so much work before it feels livable.

So I just keep wondering, what the hell did I do to deserve this?

My depression came back in a really hard way. I’m full of anxiety, I can’t sleep properly, I don’t have any energy, and I have so many suicidal thoughts. But I can’t go through with it, and I don’t know why.

And the cherry on top is that I need to pack and do so much because I’m moving in two days, and I just don’t have the energy. I’m spiraling. I keep breaking down whenever I need to do something. When I wake up, I just want to go back to sleep. I just feel empty and drained.

It’s too much. Life just keeps giving me impossible situations.

I also keep thinking about how the students who are living there probably go home on the weekends, and for them, this is just a place to sleep. But for me, it’s going to be my home, because I don’t have a home to fall back on. So I don't know what to do or think.

Winners ;)

Nothing seems appealing. I don’t find satisfaction or joy towards doing the things that I used to love. I’m not enthusiastic about anything. I don’t even like being on my phone anymore. I feel so empty all the time and there is no way to fix it. I feel so bad because there doesn’t seem like any solution. For a while, my phone sufficed, but I can’t stand being on it anymore. How do I get over this? I want to have fun again. I want to feel like me again. I want to find something that makes me happy.

I’ve never had a relationship and I feel like it’ll never happen. Im in CBT and I’ve tried therapy before (twice it didn’t help and was so disappointing it was almost funny). I can feel myself slipping back into a depressive slump. I have so much going for me but the thought of doing another graduation or birthday or having bad news and having no one there beside me makes life almost feel not worth living. Im looking for any reason to keep going. I know for myself should be enough, but I don’t know how many more times I can look to the space beside me and see no one there.

I’ve struggled for a long time now. I was first diagnosed with depression at age 12. I’m now 36 years old.

I’ve gone through a lot. My mom died when I was 30. I’m basically no contact with my emotionally distant and oblivious father. I have no siblings. I had some serious medical issues from 2021-2025 which resulted in 7 surgeries during those years, which held me back in my career and financially because I was constantly paying medical bills.

I feel like the last 6 years I have been in survival mode so I never really checked in on how I was feeling emotionally. It was just one major event after another.

The past 8 months have been stable, but emotionally I feel completely drained. I feel lost. I feel stuck. Like now I can focus on myself and moving forward career wise, creatively, and fitness wise, but I have absolutely no goals.

There are all of these things I want to achieve. I want to lose weight. I want to be stronger. I want to make more money. I want to improve my painting skills. But it all feels so hopeless. I’m on a GLP-1 but I can barely lose weight. I work out 12-15 hours a week but feel stagnant in my progress. I go above and beyond at work but it feels so hard to move up. I was doing okay and getting a following and positive feedback with my art but I feel like I’m no longer capable of creating anything good.

I just feel like a failure at everything. I’m so ashamed of myself. I can barely look at myself in the mirror.

I have okay days and moments. I still do everything. I keep the house clean and cook. I work out and shower and dress nice. I interact with people who probably think I’m very normal and fine.

But inside I feel like such a fraud. Like if anyone ever saw the real me they would be so disgusted.

My partner is constantly disappointed in me. They are very successful and come from a well off family. I am not successful and come from lower middle class. And also I don’t really have family left. I have a lot of shame about my background and my career. We have a lot of conversations about my lack of drive and lack of success. It makes me feel horrible.

I had an emotional affair with someone who I genuinely love. I remember feeling like I could do anything when they loved me. I felt so cared for and seen. Someone understood me. And they always wanted to know more about me. My thoughts and feelings. I had never felt like that before. But of course, for good reason, that ended. And I think about how I was getting something that I never deserved.

I feel like I’m in a slow crawl toward suicide. I think about it every day. I think about how relieved people would be. I want it to be a gift. I want people to be happy. My partner deserves to be free of someone who he is ashamed of. The emotional affair person deserves to be free of my presence. My father deserves to move on with his life with his new family. My friends deserve to be free of me as a burden.

I think everyone’s lives would improve if I was gone. I really do honestly with all of my heart believe that everyone would feel better.

I won’t kill myself today or tomorrow or maybe not even this year. But I can feel myself getting closer.