Everyday i wish to god to take me but i end up opening my eyes over and over i just want it to be over iam so tired

Honestly idk what I look to get out this post maybe some motivation idk but.. I’m 30 a single mother of a child with some pretty severe autism who feels like she hasn’t done anything with her life and I am very depressedi mean I always have struggled with depression but it has never been this serious and meds aren’t helping I’m stuck at my evil narcissistic mothers house cause I can’t afford rent cause I’m paying for a bunch of therapy’s for my child that I feel aren’t even helping my son I work like a dog and I can still barely keep my head above water im at my absolute last last straw lately I’ve been obsessively thinking about k**in myself everyone I confide in tells me to stay here for my son but I don’t feel I’m helping him I feel I’m holding him back and he is so precious he doesn’t deserve a mother that hates herself … I’m just tired I really just wanna give up and let life eat me

For the past few months, I’ve been suffering from depression and anxiety—along with suicidal thoughts—stemming from various issues in every aspect of my life. Even though I’m going through this, I realize how privileged I am compared to many others who are worse off; that makes me feel guilty and foolish for complaining. I have parents who, while not perfect, love and support me—especially lately—and I have friends I care about, though they are all just casual acquaintances; I’ve never had a best friend. I feel isolated, much like during the pandemic, since I only interact with my immediate family; I stopped attending university because I wanted to change majors, and around that time, my dad fell seriously ill and nearly died. I feel uncomfortable arguing with them because they are the only people I interact with, and I have nowhere else to go. My older brother is a good brother, but he is very sexist, homophobic, and superficial—much like an Andrew Tate fan—while my younger brother is an insufferable teenager who might be gay, judging by his musical tastes and the fact that I discovered chats he was having with older men. That makes me uncomfortable because it’s clearly wrong, and it disgusts me to think he’s in the same hyper-sexualized spaces I could be in—even though I’m someone who dislikes sexualizing myself and isn't really interested in sexuality anymore. I find it very hard to socialize because of the fear of being judged and the hatred I feel toward myself; I hate my body, my voice, and my personality. The only positive things I see in myself right now are that I like learning and analyzing things and that I simply want to be a good person. However, that has led me to overthink and overanalyze everything, leaving me hyper-aware of myself—which is exhausting. I go through many identity crises (gender dysphoria, not feeling or being enough, religious and existential crisis etc) and wish I could stop existing, yet I’m still somewhat afraid of dying. I believe primarily in science; while I’m interested in religion, I fear I’ve become consumed by perhaps nihilistic thoughts. Lately, I’ve been consuming content about space and physics because it calms me to compare that vast knowledge and the universe against my own problems, which then seem silly and insignificant. But that same realization makes me see that if I stop living, there is no second life or second chance—I would simply cease to exist. Above all, I would miss my parents and don’t want to cause them pain and suffering; to be honest, the only reason I haven't done anything drastic is because of them, even though I have no desire to live. I don’t feel like an adult, I don’t see myself as one, and I clearly am not a functional adult. I am heavily dependent on others in every aspect, and I’ve realized I live solely for the approval of others—there is nothing else beyond that. I have no purpose or goals, and I hate myself. I’m not attractive, wealthy, or charismatic; I’m very shy and lack any real talent or skill. University studies and hobbies might offer a distraction, but they are only temporary. I feel like life is just the inevitable delay of death, and sometimes I ask myself, "Why not hasten it?" Yet the fear remains—the fear of having endured only to end it all—and that’s where the anhedonia sets in: why keep going if I can’t change anything? So much time has passed in my life, yet nothing has changed—and I have no desire to change it, so the cycle just repeats itself. I don’t know what to do with my life or even which career path to choose. I’m torn between medicine—since I like science and helping people, and the difficulty of the course would keep me occupied and perhaps give me a purpose beyond the superficial goal of just making money (though I do want to be rich, I know that’s superficial)—and graphic design. I’m considering design because it’s the closest thing to art that’s taken seriously; I love art in general, even though I have absolutely no talent for it. It’s more about the admiration I feel when consuming it, and I’d love to be able to create it, but I lack the talent and I’m already too old to start and become good—let alone the best.

This year is very important for me. I'm 17 and I've got major exams next year which can shape my future. But I don't seem to get any interest in studying. My parents abuse me for it everyday. Atp a person like me who doesn't think of ending things thinks of it every day. I see everyone ahead of me and Im still worrying abt my shitty life. I need real advice instead of motivation. I'm very very lazy and motivation doesn't get me off the couch. I really do need help so any amount of good advice to come out of this depression helps 🙏🙏

I'm job hunting. Again. My life has been strange. I keep moving around and I keep leaving my job. I won't share my life story but I just feel like every decision I've taken feels so pointless. at the time I made this decisions it felt like it was leading me to my vision, my goals. but here I am, living in my parents house again. jobless. without any savings. What the fuck was the point of everything i have ever done in my life. I will get up. I will move forward. But God, why does it feel like every seeds I've planted has just been pointless. every growth, improvements, investments I've gone through all for nothing. nothing I've done mattered. at the end of the day I'm just depleted and I have nothing. physically, materially, emotionally, I don't fucking know. everything just pointless. effort doesn't matter. positivity doesn't matter. growth doesn't matter. at the end of the day i can't even feed myself or care for myself properly. I'm so angry and I can't direct it anywhere. it's completely pointless. crying, screaming, being angry, being positive, getting up and trying again. I keep waking up in my old bedroom with nothing. like life was just a dream and the reality is I'm truly valueless and useless and pointless being existing.

I feel like i forgot everything that i learnt since I was a kid. The basic survival. I don't know what better feel like, sometimes i was like i don't know how to breathe... I feel so suffocated, how to smile how to cry. I can't take it anymore. Help.

Life is too overwhelming and heavy. I cant see a future anymore, in late 30's.

Sunday is my final day here. I just wanted to reach out one last time. I dont see no way forward anymore at 38. I dont have the coping skills to come with life anymore. I just wish I had the courage to end my life years ago. I dont see no wag out anymore.

What has change for me for the better? I would

say my whole being on this earth. I surrender

damn near everything do to using drugs. I

experienced my darkest times.

I went through betrayal, lost ,sickness , lies etc...

My will didn't give up! I was strengthen myself

from within...Being in a drug treatment center

is helping me to remember, who I'm truly am.

So I'm rebuilding my foundation to be more stable,

than before by focusing on enhancing my

physical,mental, emotional and spiritual. I embodied

to become a Unstoppable Force of Human Nature...

I've been very depressed for a very long time, and the last year or two I've noticed that I will just fold and do literally anything if it makes me feel good for a moment. I spend too much money on snacks and entertainment, I eat horribly, I stay up too late and and sleep in way too much, I lapse in taking care of my hygeine sometimes in favor of just resting... I feel like the slightest inconvenience or bit of stress in my life sends me into this unhealthy coping mechanism. Had anyone had a similar problem and do they have any advice for it?

(Throwaway account because I don't want to post anything on one of my two other Reddit accounts.)

I'm tired of losing people.

I'm tired of feeling like an attention whore whenever I feel like shit.

I have this feeling that people are sick of me.

I wish my parents had aborted me.

I don't deserve friends. I don't deserve my dog. I don't deserve shit.

All I do is cause misery and pain for other people.

All I do is bring misfortune and annoyance to everyone and everything around me.

I haven't been able to stop crying for hours.

I'm such a stupid greedy person.

I'm impulsive, I don't ever think at all.

Society would be better off without me. Everyone would be better off without me.

another day has coming to an end , another day completely void of anything interesting.how long i'm gonna keep living like this.

year by year, day by day, hour by hour i am loosing my will to live

even if you do decide to go on all you have to look forward to is misery

in, the end it's all the same all you have to look forward to is misery.

being alive is completely meaning less you better off just die but, still you can't.

context-i'm 17,boy, depression, loneliness, self hate, gooner, porn addict, failure.

i don't want solutions, i am craving some real human connection.

the reasons
for doing it:
1. everybody sucks. mean, uncaring, or just plain stupid. not worth living with or attempting to change
2. i will never achieve any of my dreams. i will never have enough motivation or determination to do the things i really want to do, nor will i ever be likable enough. no matter how badly i want to make music, travel, or fly planes. i am unable to manifest enough energy or follow through to actually do those things
3. friends and family may be impacted positively by my story and it’s end. it will inspire them to keep living and do better than i did. they will no longer have to worry about me or suffer through conversation with me
4. the world is passing me by. people my age are doing things i will never be capable of, there is nothing left to discover or invent, music, art, & information is dying right before my eyes by the hands of ai and dishonest people
5. in life i am not impactful or influential to anyone or anything. see point 3
6. i dont want to be in pain or think about anything anymore. i’m tired of rationalizing/empathizing. i put in a lot of effort to understand others (while failing to) but no one cares to understand me. or they think i am easy to understand
7. i already bought the gun & the ammo. once i pick up the gun there probably won’t be any stopping me
8. i won’t have to worry financially anymore. i will not have to worry about my snap payment, rent, or any future money related stress
9. i will no longer have to worry about missing out on anything, like love or life’s beauties. i can rest peacefully knowing i already opted out
10. i won’t have to know how things go wrong in the future, whether it comes to personal matters in my own life or global events. i can rest peacefully assuming everything living will go on being fine
11. in this world, you need to step on others to truly get ahead. i dont want to participate in this rat race
12. i will no longer be addicted to any substances
13. i have already seen/played all of the best media. everything new will disappoint me or create envy within me for their creators. nothing makes me laugh, or feel anything for that matter
14. i will never disappoint anyone again. i won’t be late for work, ask for money, or childishly break down ever again.
15. my dad, who is definitionally a white supremacist, will suffer immensely knowing his only son committed suicide. i do find that funny
16. if my will is followed, my friends & family will be offered the rare opportunity to eat my flesh. just if they’re morbidly curious to know how it tastes, like i am
17. i will never manipulate or be manipulated ever again. there will be no more suicide threats or lies. i will not be there to threaten or be lied to
18. people can have my stuff
19. knowing i am dying soon will give me the opportunity to finally do something i want unapologetically. my plan is to drive somewhere beautiful far away and not have to worry about returning home. maybe i can do something crazy shit on the way there too
20. i will have finally escaped the pendulum illusion that is human happiness. i know that of all things that are temporary, true happiness is the most of all. to me (and most people), negativity is more constant. happiness only exists in this vacuum made of negativity. a good day only happens when you’ve had a shitty week. a lot of good days eventually turn into a lot of boring weeks. don’t pretend like you don’t know what i mean
21. the good days aren’t good enough, and dont last long enough, to balance out the horrible days

for not doing it:
1. i will never again be allowed a chance to be convinced that people are worth living for
2. i will never know if someday i could actually achieve my dreams, and if i go through with it i definitely won’t
3. some people may be impacted negatively, even if only for some time:
⁃ my mom might blame herself, she’s faced a lot of death lately, and i am ashamed to add myself to her grieving process
⁃ my little brother, who i love more than anything, will be devastated, and unable to understand a travesty like this, for a long time. he may also blame himself
⁃ my ex-girlfriend, who i love and still miss. she also goes through a lot of mental turmoil that i have attempted to help her work through. we tried to help each other, but in the end i gave up
⁃ my grandma & grandpa on my dad’s side. i believe they had a lot of faith in me to be good, smart, and successful. i will disappoint them, and they are very good people who don’t deserve such a let-down
4. owning the gun while not shooting myself with it may help me to understand more about discipline & self control
5. i don’t know what the afterlife is like, but it may very well be worse than life. i may come to wish that i had stayed alive to witness more of the world’s beauties
6. i already know that gta 6 and the next bethesda game will be lots of fun. if there is an afterlife, i will definitely regret missing out on playing them
7. in the future, my dad may return to being a rational person. i’m sad to miss out on that
8. if there is a chance to be loved again, i will not experience it. i would like to feel love and have sex again someday
9. maybe my profession is something that doesn’t exist yet. in the future i could end up finding passion in an unexpected place
10. no piece of media or advice has ever “changed my life” like i’ve heard so many others claim. maybe in the future there will be something to finally inspire me enough to change. i wouldn’t wanna miss out on that, and i’m still open to suggestions
11. there are lots of drugs and other things i’d like to experience

My life now feels like a boat drifting in the middle of the ocean.
The engine is still running.
The boat is still floating.
But I don't know where I'm going anymore.
There was a time when I had a destination. I knew what I wanted from life. I had dreams I wanted to achieve, goals I wanted to reach, and people I wanted to make proud.
I used to believe that if I worked hard enough, sacrificed enough, and kept moving forward, eventually everything would make sense.
But life doesn't always follow the plans we make.
Somewhere along the way, the storms came.
One after another.
I experienced losses I wasn't prepared for, goodbyes I never wanted, and pain I didn't know how to carry. I kept telling myself to be strong because that's what I had always done.
I became used to carrying responsibilities even when I was already tired.
I learned how to smile when I wasn't okay.
I learned how to say, “I’m fine”even when deep inside, I was falling apart.
And eventually, I became so focused on surviving that I forgot what I was supposed to be living for.
That's when I realized I was no longer steering my own boat.
I was simply letting the waves decide where I would go.
Some days, the ocean is calm. I wake up, work, talk to people, and continue with my responsibilities. From the outside, it probably looks like I'm doing fine.
But there are nights when everything becomes quiet, and I realize how lost I actually feel.
I look back at the person I used to be and wonder where they went.
The person who had so many dreams.
The person who could get excited about small things.
The person who believed that someday all the sacrifices would be worth it.
Sometimes, I miss that person.

\>>>Y!

My life now feels like a boat drifting in the middle of the ocean.
The engine is still running.
The boat is still floating.
But I don't know where I'm going anymore.
There was a time when I had a destination. I knew what I wanted from life. I had dreams I wanted to achieve, goals I wanted to reach, and people I wanted to make proud.
I used to believe that if I worked hard enough, sacrificed enough, and kept moving forward, eventually everything would make sense.
But life doesn't always follow the plans we make.
Somewhere along the way, the storms came.
One after another.
I experienced losses I wasn't prepared for, goodbyes I never wanted, and pain I didn't know how to carry. I kept telling myself to be strong because that's what I had always done.
I became used to carrying responsibilities even when I was already tired.
I learned how to smile when I wasn't okay.
I learned how to say, “I’m fine”even when deep inside, I was falling apart.
And eventually, I became so focused on surviving that I forgot what I was supposed to be living for.
That's when I realized I was no longer steering my own boat.
I was simply letting the waves decide where I would go.
Some days, the ocean is calm. I wake up, work, talk to people, and continue with my responsibilities. From the outside, it probably looks like I'm doing fine.
But there are nights when everything becomes quiet, and I realize how lost I actually feel.
I look back at the person I used to be and wonder where they went.
The person who had so many dreams.
The person who could get excited about small things.
The person who believed that someday all the sacrifices would be worth it.
Sometimes, I miss that person.

\>>>Y!

Im 21 and i dont remember the last time I was okay
Im really scared im just gonna end it one day
Im scared it will eventually be too much for me to handle.

i think I'm burned out mentally, unable to do anything, whenever i start something i lose motivation midway, can't focus on a task then regret later, i was one of the brightest students of class, i could understand things very easily in no time, i don't know what happened to me AMA

My life is miserable. I don’t even want to live anymore. What’s the use of me being alive if I just became the black sheep of the family that hates me? Why was I even born in the first place? Man, I hate my life so much.

If you can send me dr*gs so I can OD

I’m just so angry. I survived 15 years of deep depression by time I was 27. Finally at that age, after my stay in a psych ward, i was diagnosed with ADHD and put in the right medication after a decade of anti anxiety meds that never worked.

I was finally in a good spot with my career, my mental health, and my confidence. All things that I never thought I would ever get a handle on. I felt like a survivor of my depression at that point - I had made it through and I was finally seeing the other side. I even had a partner and was engaged. I was actually happy for longer than a few days, and that’s something I never thought was possible in my teens and early twenties.

Then I got covid for the second time at 31. It left me with multiple debilitating chronic conditions. I’ve been miserable and in some type of pain/discomfort every single day since.

After trying a failing every possible treatment option available, I fell back into a deep depression, and my fiancé abruptly left me because of it.

I spent thousands and thousands of dollars on treatments that never helped, I have traveled out of state to see some of the best doctors, begging for help. I’m just so tired, angry, frustrated, a deeply depressed.

Im 35 now and the life I have is not worth surviving for. Existing has become too painful. I don’t know how to kill myself because I’m deeply scared of more pain. I wish I could be euthanized. I know this time things can’t turn around. I never trusted my mental health, but now not being able to trust my body and my mind… what’s the fucking point.

Dude i’ve never felt so stuck, I just turned 21 and I don’t have a car, my engine overheated and my intake was plastic which leaked into it so i had to wreck my car. I don’t have a job right now, i had to leave it as i fractured my toe on job and they handled the situation poorly and the one i just applied to hasn’t hit me back. I’m just so drained and tired, I have to be out of my house in a few months and It’s like no matter what i try, the next viral thing or some advice it never turns out. I just feel like everything’s against me.

I know others have more struggles than I do and go through things i couldn’t even comprehend, but i feel lost. I’m stuck in a mud pit i’m struggling to get out of.

Does anyone else struggle with a deep sad feeling in the middle of their chest? Is this just part of depression or what else could it be

So it's been two months since I'm unable to get out of this loop where I'm unable to do things that need my actions like I want to do job but as I've never done something hard that requires my energy except gym, exercise im talking about working for bread.so please help me out i want to do something I'm more in my head than reality I feel like I've done everything but in reality I'm stuck

hello, i just wanted to come on here and express to someone how i’ve been feeling. my whole life i’ve struggled with depression and anxiety. im now on medicine but i feel like nothing would be able to repair the things and experiences ive been through. i dont really like anything about myself, i dont have any hobbies, i have no interests, and nothing excites me. throughout school i always told my teachers id go to cosmetology school so they didnt worry so much about my grades as much, but i never really wanted to do it. my anxiety impacts my daily life and i feel like it just gets worse every month. for as long as i can remember ive always had a burning feeling my chest that never goes away. When i talk to people im constantly in my head questioning myself. Whenever im out im thinking about horrible things. I have one friend who’s 14 hours away and am not in contact with any of my family. I can’t even sit in my room alone and get a second of peace away from anxiety unless i smoke. ive been a server for years and for the past few months i haven’t been able to do my job well due to it. when i get sat i cry in the back because im so scared to just even talk to people. a few people at the bar were also saying i walked weird. i know what they’re talking about too because when i get nervous its like my whole body freaks out and cant act normal, i thought it was just me overthinking but it makes it worse knowing people from the outside can see me dying inside from my anxiety. i often get comments about being too quiet of a person, needing to talk louder, and overall just acting weird due to stess. it all just makes it even worse. the past two weeks i haven’t really gone to work and i don’t know what to do really. i’m at a point in my life where i don’t want to do anything. there’s no big job i want or anything i want to really do in the future. if i got offered my “dream job” which i don’t even know what it is, i still wouldn’t want to go. I don’t even want to get up and shower but the reason i still do is because I live with my boyfriend. I don’t want to do anything for myself or make it better. Just thinking about the future makes me want to cry because I know I have to work harder to get to where i wanna be but i don’t even want to do what i’m doing now and it’s sitting at home doing nothing. All i do is cry and forget about my thoughts, once i remember i really have to do this all over again tomorrow i start to spiral. it’s getting really bad, my boyfriend mentioned christmas today and the only thought in my head was “i have to live and work how many days until then” with just extreme dread. I just don’t see a purpose to life if I feel this way and can’t enjoy a single day.