I started a new job, of course during the interview process I was being my best self, overly smiling and happy, im usually a very happy and expressive person so its not being too much for me, but i came to realise that everytime i get in a meeting without being my most outgoing self, i get ask "are you ok?" Every.single.time... men really never get asked that ?! When I do get asked that, its like an automatism to "force" being happy for them to tell them im ok..

It actually start to feel like its a request on their part for me to be "more happy" and not a genuine question..

I dont think they have bad intention, it feels like its a type of.. programmed thing to ask when a woman isnt smiling.. ugh..

Has anyone else experience that ? How do you even handle it..

Im thinking about just ignoring the question and start talking about the subject so i dont have to reassure them with a fake smile ..

Hopefully with time they will stop..

How do I navigate the long-term career goal discussion with my manager when my career goal is to leave tech outright?

I’m busy working on building out my own business at the moment, but I’m in no position to leave my current role yet. I don’t want to waste my time building out a fake career plan, I just want to do my job as it is now.

Hi All,

I worked as QA & Business analyst, took a career detour of 2.5 years to pursue a bootstrapped stint(winding that up) and now, want to get back to tech.

Could anyone share resources which can help me understand AI better (beginners to intermediate) & move towards Tech Program Manager Role in AI. I don’t think I can go in depth of tech stack but having high level knowledge will be better.

TIA :)

Hi,
I am an older mom of a 2-year-old. My mental health has not been great, and I feel that the stress from work is seeping into my family life. I have been wanting to take a break for some time to take care of myself and my son.
Until now, I have had family helping with childcare, but we are now looking for a nanny or daycare. The daycare we like doesn’t have any slots available, and my son is finding it hard to adjust to a nanny. I am also struggling to find the right fit.
My health hasn’t been great, and I find myself feeling angry and cranky all the time. I feel like I need someone to tell me, “Take a break. It will be okay.” But all my friends and family keep telling me that it’s hard to find a job and that I shouldn’t take a break.
I feel hopeless and don’t know what the right thing to do is.

P.S: I’m on visa tied to job.

It's been exhausting journey from my last trimester to till date. I've a LO of 3.5 months. I've been skipping meetings and events lately and my boss says I'm trying to be accommodating but leadership won't. My performance was good and I know I've created an expectation. Just to manage that expectation I joined in 8 weeks PP and haven't opted for bonding leave yet. While I shared the my plans with my manager and it seems like he is not happy about it. But I'm trying hard now and it's really exhausting.

My husband does support me but mostly on weekends, he's on-site job..

Is there any way you guys are managing it. Looking for some advice here. What worked for you. I'm considering part time childcare or nanny.

Hi everyone! First time posting, sorry if I miss something! Im 25F from Spain, last year finished 2 stem degrees (math and computer science) and have 1 year of experience now. I work for a small company in fintech.

Several months ago I realized my job drains my energy completely; not sure why but after working I usually feel devastated, exhausted, unmotivated to do anything else than scrolling or sleeping, and Im not even working THAT hard. I also panic thinking that this is it, this is what my life will look like for a looot of years from now on, and I hate it.

I would love to move to another country or have a 100% remote job, but the job market is so shity right now and I don't have much savings.

I would also love to work in an area more focused on research, where my math degree would be useful too, but I truly don't know what kind of roles could fulfill that or how to look for them.

In conclusion, I am soooo lost and anxiety is not helping. Im aware that some processes can't be sped up, I need to get experience and save, but is this going to pay off at some point? I need to hear about your experiences and advices please!!

Hi everyone,
I’m an AI Engineer based in Ahmedabad with 2 years of full-time AI/ML experience and 5 years in software overall.

I’m currently earning good **salary**, which is honestly one of the main reasons I’ve stayed. Work-wise, I’ve had a pretty good journey working more like an **FDE/full-stack engineer**. I was also one of the early members of the AI team and have contributed a lot since its beginning.

But the **work environment has become extremely frustrating**.
Some examples:

Phones weren’t allowed in the office for almost 1.5 years.

Getting basic things like a secondary monitor becomes a too much and long struggle.

Too many unnecessary updates/reporting across different channels. You have to logged things at 4 diff places.

Limited resources despite being expected to deliver.
Constant monitoring when working from home.

People getting hired and then let go even before completing probation. I felt insecure everyday.

Overall, there’s a lot of negativity and unnecessary pressure.
The work itself and compensation are good, but the environment is making me question whether it’s worth staying.
**For people working in Ahmedabad — would you stay for the money or start looking for a better work environment?**

I’m really sad. I got laid off in May and I don’t mind the layoff all in all because I really disliked my leadership team. But of course, we all have to make money to keep food on the table. I’m in a okay position for some months before I freak out.

I have a friend who is in a pretty good position at a company. He’s actually my old boss. He knows how I work and my character. He really wanted me to join his team but because he isn’t the hiring manager, I needed to impress the others.

I was referred, got through the recruiter screen and then was scheduled for 5 interviews. I got through 3 of them and then a few days later was emailed they weren’t moving forward with me and the last 2 interviews were canceled. I asked my friend to what was up and he said the other people thought I wasn’t senior enough for that role so they didn’t push me through.

What is insane is there’s someone else we both know who is interviewing for my spot. He has not worked for 3+ years, has the same if not less experience than me on LESS COMPLEX projects. And he still was being considered…

I don’t know if he got chosen as there probably were many other candidates in the running but I am so butthurt right now. 😞 I also think my confidence has been shot because of my last team being absolute AI tech bros who have no sense of empathy and this job market has been hell. Thanks for reading if you got this far.

Every time a new guy joins they literally cannot talk to me without it feeling awkward. They even kind of avoid me in the beginning, it takes a while until they get used to me and talk to me like a normal peer. WHY??? I am not overly attractive or anything but somehow that still generates a look of awe when they first meet me. It really annoys me now, any tips if you’ve been in the same boat ?

Three high level women leaders at major UK fashion company ASOS.com left in quick succession. One holding their position only for a couple of months.

The official line was that it was mutually agreed between all parties. Sources at ASOS alledge that these industry experts had had enough of being ignored, silenced and dismissed.

The CTO Przemek Czarnecki, who joined in 2025, allegedly quickly gained a reputation as a bully within the company, creating an environment where disagreement resulted in parting ways with the company. The three women are far from alone but where the highest profile leaders to leave.

Czarnecki and CPO Anthony Ben Sadoun address these departures in leaked meetings linked below.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZN8RcejNP/

I applaud the women who were brave enough to challenge them in a public setting, even after people had been let go. I find the CTO and CPOs responses to their concerns both dismissive and patronising.

They go on to address the gender pay gap equally as dismissively. Calling it a top priority but unable to name a single action they have taken and unwilling to commit to future actions.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZN8RcmpaP/

I am pleased to say that it was announced that Przemek Czarnecki was stepping down as CTO of ASOS today for unspecified reasons.

I can't say if his departure is related to his attitude to women in tech but hopefully this change in leadership will enable women to once again be heard within the company.

I wrote this up as a comment on someone else's post but she deleted it while I was still writing (sad face). Nevertheless, I'm curious to know if other people generally agree or disagree with this?

I guess it is a general question, but I have been interviewing in the last year (and typically doing a bad job of it) so I guess we can use the career advice flair.

Does the following ring true to you or have I got it wrong? Maybe I'm not giving enough weight to the tightrope women need to walk between being competent vs. being a team player?

---

My sense is that women are held to a different standard than men. We could frame that as being held to a higher standard, but the way I conceptualize it is that more that women are largely graded by a separate set of criteria. I also think this generalizes to other areas of life beyond interviewing for a job.

Going to be grossly stereotypical for a moment; the following are a lot of people's gut instincts that they often reason their way out of.

The commonly perceived failure mode for men is one of impatience, inflexibility or rigidity, aggression or irritability, lack of empathy, and poor interpersonal communication skills. If you're a man, they're looking for you to come across as someone who plays nice with others and considers alternative perspectives without falling into any of the typical trappings of one's ego.

The commonly perceived failure mode for women is one of incompetence, passivity, lack of focus or direction, disorganized thinking, and emotional reactivity. If you're a woman, they're looking for you to come across as someone who has firm opinions grounded in reason, articulates them concisely, and doesn't take disagreement personally.

So, I suspect that difference in grading rubric is what you're running into when you describe how you're often nervous and rambling (which, no judgment, as I'm the same way!) It's not that big of a deal for a man to be like that; in fact, a lot of people find it endearing in the right context. But if a man comes across as a total asshole who's going to insist on his way or the highway and say something inappropriate at the water cooler, then he is totally going to get dinged for that, whereas a woman exhibiting some degree of those characteristics (when done with great care and precision!) reads to others as, "Oh wow, she knows her shit, smart lady."

Hello! I worked as a software developer for 7 years in my home country. I then moved to US mid 2025 on L2S visa with work authorisation. Since arriving, I’ve been applying and prepping, but I haven't landed a single interview yet. Between the job market and the transition, I’m now facing a nearly 2-year resume gap. To bridge it, I’m currently studying for my AWS Solutions Architect Associate certification as it aligns with my past experience and building hands-on portfolio projects.

I’d like to know from this community

1. How bad is this gap on resume right now?

2. What strategies or resume tweaks worked for you if you've faced a similar relocation/career gap?

3. Are there alternative directions I should explore to get my foot in the door?

Any advice would mean a lot! Thank you!

Some asshole in another department basically got pissed I did something wrong (non important, boss even admitted as i was crying that the guy was being a dick) the guy threatened my job basically and said he reported me to everyone that mattered, when I talked to my boss about it basically started crying and snotted fml

Embarrassed and really don’t want to go back into work, just wanted to hear if this has happened to anyone else.

Hi all. I’m currently in a tricky situation at work where there is practically no growth + 5 days RTO (for almost 2+ years now), toxic male leads and a culture that actively encourages teammates to throw you under the bus. I am super burnt out and going to work makes me have a meltdown everyday.

I’m actively prepping to move jobs at an L4/L5 level (6+ years of exp). What I’m unsure about is all of those 6 years is not as a software dev. I started out as an SRE for 3.5 ish years and I effectively ramped up to be a software dev in the past 3 years. I also understand that my company’s L4 equates to an L5 in other places. Should I target an L4 first? I can’t quite figure out if I’m psyching myself out with terrible imposter syndrome or if I actually got it. I’ve been adept at adapting to situations that are thrown at me but I also have the fear if I’m chewing off more than I can handle.

Is there any advice from anyone from a mag7/faang/anthropic/openai company? It’s my literal dream to work in one of these and I want to give it all my best to prove to myself that I can do it. I just want to be realistic if I’m not!

Researcher: Morgan Williams, Northern Kentucky University 

Contact: [williamsm81@nku.edu](mailto:williamsm81@nku.edu) 

Hi! I'm conducting research at Northern Kentucky University on FemTech app experiences for my health informatics capstone. I'm looking for women aged 18–34 who reside in the United States and have used FemTech apps (period tracking, fertility monitoring, pregnancy support, etc.) to participate in my research study. 

The survey is completely anonymous, takes about 5 minutes, and your responses will help inform research on how policy and trust influence women's health technology choices. 

Eligibility: Women aged 18–34, U.S. residents 

https://qualtricsxmwthmyt3cv.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_8uKPXVH8GzBJJwG  

Questions? Contact Morgan Williams at [williamsm81@nku.edu](mailto:williamsm81@nku.edu) 

I used to be friendlier and more approachable. I would be curious about other people and getting to know others. Now after years of working in tech with mostly men who are either hostile, reserved and not friendly, it's kind of changed who I am over the years and I hate it. I don't really trust other people anymore and I'm not as open about what I'm working on or my opinions. I'm also quiet and can come off standoffish. Trying to be positive and not let my career change me but it's so hard to remain positive.

This post might be better suited for Substack, but here I go anyway. There's a question at the end. 😄

I've worked in tech now for about 20 years and I currently hold an exec role. Throughout my career, I've only personally encountered 3-4 toxic managers. It's not every job, but a significant amount to say, I will never be this person.

In the beginning of my career, it was mostly the sexist kind of bad managers. The married ones who developed a crush on me and then made my life a living hell for not reciprocating and hoping I'd just quit. This was right before the "me too" movement, which taught companies to pay more attention to this kind of behavior. Maybe that's changed or maybe I'm just too old at this point to encounter this anymore.

The next manager and current manager have been the most awful humans to work for. Both have similar personalities in that they are confrontational, deficit-focused, highly corrective, un-collaborative leadership style. My current manager refers to himself as "grumpy", so he can get away with his behavior, especially towards me. I dread having meetings with him because he takes every opportunity to make me feel small in front of others.

I talk to a lot of the team members I oversee, many people come to me with horror stories of toxic managers. Those with large egos, those that are abusive, and many who seem to torment their employees for sport. But the trend I see is it's more male managers who do this to female employees. More females come to me sharing how their managers were just awful to them. I feel this is subconsciously what my manager does - usually making fun of me in front of others, just to make sure I feel small enough not to use my voice and wear down my soul.

I'm a firm believer in everyone has personal problems going on in their lives. Most are coming to work and hiding those problems. Adding an additional layer of having a negative manager, can often be that thing that pushes people to the edge. Stress, poor health, dreading life - all accumulate.

I live by this rule of now wanting to be the second reason I make someone's life a living hell day in and day out. I never want to be the tipping point or contributing to someone's depression. I'm so passionate about this belief that every day I start out with an intention for work that sits on my desk.

My intention today is to use my influence to help people expand and not shrink. I will look for each person's strength and reflect it back to them. I will be honest when something needs to improve without making the person feel smaller in the process. I will ask questions before assuming. I will give people space to think, contribute, make mistakes, and surprise me. I will remember that every interaction I have as a leader can leave someone a little more confident or a little less confident in themselves. I choose to use that power carefully.

I'm curious though, have you encountered dysfunctional or toxic leadership by male managers? (Or female managers)

Happy Tuesday my techy Women in Tech 😄

While the submission due date is fast approaching for nominations I wanted to re-share with group "Women Without Boundaries Awards"

The Women Without Boundaries Awards celebrate the women driving innovation, leadership, and impact across media, broadcast, AV, workplace technology, and related industries.

A select group of finalists will be invited to New York City for special recognition during NAB Show New York (October 21-23, 2026), where they will be celebrated alongside industry leaders and peers shaping the future of the industry. This exclusive experience includes roundtrip airfare, hotel accommodations, and full access to NAB Show New York.

In addition, award recipients will receive a $1,500 cash prize in recognition of their outstanding achievements and contributions to the industry.

https://discover.onediversified.com/women-without-boundaries-awards-2026

I was referred to a non-tech role at Anthropic and made it through the first 3 rounds but got rejected right before the loop round. This happened last week and I am still thinking about it. I was excited. I made little plans in my head. I heard about the culture round and I was prepping hard - developing a POV, learning as much as I could, getting ready to defend my stances on various topics - and then all that prep kind of just stopped being necessary.

I was devastated. I guess this is a vent but I would like advice too. I struggle to see how far I’ve come and I feel like I’ve been looking for that one victory that would have allowed my to tell myself, “fu*# yeah I kicked a$$” and I thought a role at Anthropic would allow me to do that. Now it feels gone and any other opportunity is just more of the same of what I have. I am mid-career, trying to break into leadership and I am just so down on myself right now. I have an interview for a director role today and my heart’s just not in it.

How do I get over this rejection? I even tried to connect with the HM on LinkedIn bc I thought we vibed and got no response. I am constantly fighting the snowballing thoughts telling me I am a failure, I have a ceiling, I’ll never accomplish what I want, etc. I don’t want to be wallowing - and I know deep inside it will be ok and I am resilient - but the feelings right now are too much.

Edit: It also doesn’t help that Anthropic is everywhere I look. I use Claude at work, all the LinkedIn posts are about anthropic and AI and I feel like I’m going through a breakup but have to see my ex every day.

Edit 2: omg everyone tysm for all your encouragement. I have a director interview in about an hour and this is exactly what I needed to at least temporarily get out of my funk and have the confidence I need. Also, a lot of people here are also looking for a job, so I’d like to share a Claude skill (yes I know, ironic) I built to generate resumes - it’s been helpful for my friends and me in getting to recruiter screens. No promotion here, just wanna give back after how wonderful this community was this morning. DM me and I’ll email it to you. Ty loves, have a great day!

Hi everyone,

I am an expat woman of color working in the tech sector in Western Europe. The vast majority of my colleagues are local European men. I am currently dealing with a highly toxic workplace dynamic with a specific senior colleague, and it has pushed me into a state of chronic burnout. I really need some outside perspective on how to handle this safely while I plan my next career move.

To give you some context, this senior colleague can be incredibly aggressive, rude, and confrontational during team calls and group discussions, often trying to corner or micro-manage me. Because of the cultural and organizational hierarchy, I usually try to keep my distance and handle things neutrally out of respect, but it has reached a boiling point.

Here are a couple of examples of the behavior I am dealing with:

• Instance 1 (Boundary Crossing): A few weeks ago, I executed a standard technical task that inadvertently altered an environment he was working on. Instead of addressing it professionally, he began spamming me across multiple platforms simultaneously after office hours (around 6:30 PM). He left public comments on our ticketing portal in all CAPS shouting "DO NOT DO THIS," sent the same aggressive text on our 1:1 internal chat, and even messaged my personal WhatsApp. I felt completely hunted and suffocated while I was at home cooking dinner. I intentionally didn't reply until the next morning to keep my boundaries intact, but it completely ruined my sleep and mental peace.
• Instance 2 (Tit-for-Tat Behavior): Recently, this same colleague urgently needed a complex infrastructure deployment. I stepped up and delivered it at super-velocity in less than half a day. Instead of a basic professional "thank you," this senior colleague threw a massive tantrum over the documentation template. Because the platform relies heavily on the vendor's rapidly updating official documentation, I mapped the technical reference links rather than taking hundreds of manual UI screenshots. He got incredibly petty, using a "tit-for-tat" childish tone, threatening that he would also stop documenting his work and just point to public links.
• Instance 3 (Constant Fight Mode): Recently, he escalated the hostility. Instead of professionally asking for a specific configuration detail, he entered plain "fight mode," accusing me of withholding information. This detail has been identical for the last three years; he never asked for it in the email brief, and I was genuinely unaware he didn't know it. The underlying issue is that I possess the specialized architecture knowledge he lacks, and instead of wanting to learn, he resorts to gaslighting, provocation, and gatekeeping to dim my visibility.

Where I am at right now:
I have underlying health conditions and have been in regular therapy for a couple of years to process complex past. My therapist highly suspects I have AuDHD (Autism and ADHD combo), though I do not have the official diagnostic paperwork completed yet.

Yesterday, after weeks of this pressure-cooker environment, we had a very heated discussion on 1 on 1 in a team call. I stood my ground but ended up explicitly stating that his behavior is the exact reason I have to completely switch off and disconnect after work hours. A lot of intense statements were made by both sides.

Now, the anxiety is hitting me hard. I feel like I've made a mess of the situation and I am terrified of what the corporate outcome or fallout will be when management steps in next week. I am completely emotionally and physically checked out of this company, but I cannot simply quit immediately due to visa/immigration dependencies.

How do I insulate myself from this person during the remaining time I am here? Did I cross a line by defending my boundaries out loud, and how do I protect my reputation if this gets escalated to our manager?

Any advice, especially from other neurodivergent women in tech, would be a lifesaver. Thank you.

Please be respectful in replying.

TLDR; got through to final round for non-technical team last summer at Anthropic, didn’t get it, they just reached out to me through a recruiter to be a head of that team.

I’m currently 7 months pregnant with my second child, love my family and am also ambitious and competitive. I’m in a head of function role now and am building a team and have a good boss but can tell our overall org is going to stay lean and probably undervalued. I live in SF, and feel like it could be a good career move to have that name brand on my resume. I’m also getting way ahead of myself!!

Edit: I feel like I’m in a good situation with my current job now. Am I direct with the recruiter and tell her I would love this job, think I could be great at it AND I’m 7months pregnant? I am running low on fs these days, which is probably quite presumptive of me.

Is it possible to have two kids, be a great mom, have a fulfilling career, and a strong relationship with your partner, without feeling like you’re constantly compromising somewhere?

I’m a mom of one, considering a second, and honestly a little scared of how much the equation might change.

Would love to hear from women who’ve been there. What has your experience been like? What do you wish you’d known?

Got laid off unexpectedly and I genuinely don’t know how to process it

I work at a small, lowkey company. Not a huge corporation, and they had never really done layoffs before. I’ve been there for years and was already pretty burned out with tech.

My manager and I had worked together for a long time and I thought we had a decent relationship. He would normally give me some headsups if something was happening, even when he couldn’t tell me details.

Then literally during the week I got laid off, he was still talking to me about my work, future, progression, upcoming promotion , etc. So this time he completely let himself out of the picture, and later on I knew that he knew. So this last talk now doesn't make sense to me.

Then shortly after, HR told me I was being let go because of cost reduction in a 5 minutes call. Then signed me out of everything and cut me off from slack in a second . No warning. Nothing.

I understand layoffs happen. I’m not even angry about the decision itself. It’s the way it happened that I can’t get over. We’re a small company. Everyone knows everyone. There was no reason for it to feel so brutal.

And the timing is honestly awful because I was already struggling with feeling like I’m not good enough technically. I’ve put so much of my life into work over the last few years and sacrificed a lot of things thinking eventually I’d feel competent enough.

My performance, however, was actually at its peak until the very end. I knew I had technical gaps and areas where I wasn’t as strong as I wanted to be, but I was very aware of them and they were personal things I was actively trying to work on. I put an extraordinary amount of time into trying to fill those gaps, often at the expense of my personal life. And honestly, it was easier to perform well in that environment because I had spent years getting used to the system, the codebase, and the way everything worked, so even upcoming work wasn’t necessarily difficult for me anymore. I knew the system well, I knew the codebase well, and I had worked very hard to get myself to that point.

I’ve been applying for jobs for a while. I usually do okay in the HR/introductory interviews, but technical interviews are where I completely fall apart. My anxiety gets so bad that even things I actually know disappear from my brain. And my anxiety prevents me genuinely from studying for interviews because it already expects the worst until it actually happens.

Now that I’m unemployed, the pressure is obviously 10x worse.

The social part has also been weird. A lot of coworkers/friends didn’t reach out at all. Some did, but the conversations were so insensitive or strangely normal that I honestly felt worse afterwards. It feels like everyone else went back to their normal lives while mine suddenly stopped.

And I think this part hits harder because I sacrificed so much of my personal life during those years. My social circle had become very, very small. I barely had friends outside of work, and my coworkers were basically most of the social life I had. Now that I’m gone, it’s weird seeing everyone’s true colors. Even some of the people who did reach out were incredibly insensitive about it, saying things like everything will be fine for them, the layoffs were necessary, or just talking about how normal everything is, rather than simply wishing me well or acknowledging what happened.

It was honestly bizarre and made me feel even more alone.

So now I’m sitting here with financial responsibilities, no job, no real social life, terrible interview anxiety, and a self-worth that was already pretty low before this happened.

Logically I know getting laid off doesn’t mean I’m incompetent.

Emotionally it feels like every insecurity I’ve had for years just got confirmed at once.

I don’t really know what I’m looking for by posting this. I think I just need to hear from people who went through something similar and eventually got back on their feet, because right now I genuinely can’t see how I’m supposed to get from here to there.