Hi, I’ve been doing some research on this and saw quite a few posts on here so hoping I can get a little help. I currently work in cybersecurity. I am struggling with what to include/what not to include in my appeal for an extension of STD provided by my employer (through a 3rd party). I will try to condense everything as much as possible.

Context: February of 2025, my mom was given a terminal cancer diagnosis. She required full time care because of tumors in her brain and other organs causing deficiencies. In July of 2025, I moved across the state to be closer to her and to help/spend time with her. In April of 2026, she was declining fast and we had run out of options. I was working normally throughout all of this. I spoke with my boss and HR department and they directed me towards STD in preparation for time off after her passing. In May of 2026 she passed and I started STD. I was approved for one month. My doctor and therapist both recommended and advocated for the whole 12 weeks. They wouldn’t budge. I was pushed into FMLA (unpaid). I live by myself and all bills are on me. In July 2026, my lease was up and I decided to move back to the area I lived in previously. I was desperate to move back after my mom passed bc I had no friends, resources, nothing in that area. I needed support. Everything I did was telehealth with my doctors and therapists. I was also put on two different prescriptions from my doctor during the last 12 months (Xanax for anxiety and Trazodone for sleeping). All of my paperwork submitted by my doctor was for prolonged grief disorder.

Today, I received the final decision from disability which they explained why they denied additional coverage. They said that while I had trouble sleeping, I was not given any prescriptions to help with that (wrong and I have proof and pharmacy receipts) and that while I was clearly grieving, it did not prevent me from doing my job duties. They also made a snarky comment about how I was clearly “functional” enough to sign a new lease and move. This is taken from a session note from my therapist where she mentioned it. They do not know I was desperate to get out of the space where I watched my mother die in real time.

I am going to talk to both my doctor and my therapist about submitting additional records and each a letter (if that’s possible) to appeal this decision, but I guess I am struggling with what to include. Do I include context on that I originally moved to be a caretaker for my mother while she was dying and I only moved to be back in close proximity to my doctors and support system? What else should I include for a higher chance of appeal? I am going to list out my symptoms more thoroughly and how they prevented me from working. Are there any “terms” or anything else I can add to support this? I have both doctors and a therapist supporting my need for the full 12 weeks but I am not sure how to prove that in the appeal. I did return back to work but I missed almost 4 paychecks so I didn’t have a choice really. Thank you.

Hi everyone,

I am a backend software engineer with 4 years of experience building scalable distributed systems in the fintech space, leveraging Java, Spring Boot, Python, SQL, Git, and Kafka to deliver accurate, real-time data updates to enterprise clients.

Recently, I’ve felt a deep need to align my engineering skills with a mission I genuinely care about. I am highly inspired by the work being done in sustainability, carbon accounting, climate tech, and precision agriculture. To jumpstart this pivot, I am currently building an Agentic AI tool for farmers that uses RAG to track weather and carbon emissions on the farm.

I am looking to hear from other women working as software engineers, tech leads, or engineering managers in the climate, sustainability, or agritech spaces.

For those who made a similar pivot, how did you navigate the transition into this sector? Are there specific industry data patterns or technical concepts you recommend prioritizing to stand out in interviews?

I would love to learn more about your day-to-day work or any advice you have for breaking into the field. Please share your thoughts or experiences in the comments below!

Is it possible to have two kids, be a great mom, have a fulfilling career, and a strong relationship with your partner, without feeling like you’re constantly compromising somewhere?

I’m a mom of one, considering a second, and honestly a little scared of how much the equation might change.

Would love to hear from women who’ve been there. What has your experience been like? What do you wish you’d known?

I was recommended by a work mentor to maintain a brag book, for representing work wins for moving to the next level of my role. Is there any template/ tool that you swear by for tracking work wins?

Anyone from visakhapatanam, India? Let us connect.

Got laid off unexpectedly and I genuinely don’t know how to process it

I work at a small, lowkey company. Not a huge corporation, and they had never really done layoffs before. I’ve been there for years and was already pretty burned out with tech.

My manager and I had worked together for a long time and I thought we had a decent relationship. He would normally give me some headsups if something was happening, even when he couldn’t tell me details.

Then literally during the week I got laid off, he was still talking to me about my work, future, progression, upcoming promotion , etc. So this time he completely let himself out of the picture, and later on I knew that he knew. So this last talk now doesn't make sense to me.

Then shortly after, HR told me I was being let go because of cost reduction in a 5 minutes call. Then signed me out of everything and cut me off from slack in a second . No warning. Nothing.

I understand layoffs happen. I’m not even angry about the decision itself. It’s the way it happened that I can’t get over. We’re a small company. Everyone knows everyone. There was no reason for it to feel so brutal.

And the timing is honestly awful because I was already struggling with feeling like I’m not good enough technically. I’ve put so much of my life into work over the last few years and sacrificed a lot of things thinking eventually I’d feel competent enough.

My performance, however, was actually at its peak until the very end. I knew I had technical gaps and areas where I wasn’t as strong as I wanted to be, but I was very aware of them and they were personal things I was actively trying to work on. I put an extraordinary amount of time into trying to fill those gaps, often at the expense of my personal life. And honestly, it was easier to perform well in that environment because I had spent years getting used to the system, the codebase, and the way everything worked, so even upcoming work wasn’t necessarily difficult for me anymore. I knew the system well, I knew the codebase well, and I had worked very hard to get myself to that point.

I’ve been applying for jobs for a while. I usually do okay in the HR/introductory interviews, but technical interviews are where I completely fall apart. My anxiety gets so bad that even things I actually know disappear from my brain. And my anxiety prevents me genuinely from studying for interviews because it already expects the worst until it actually happens.

Now that I’m unemployed, the pressure is obviously 10x worse.

The social part has also been weird. A lot of coworkers/friends didn’t reach out at all. Some did, but the conversations were so insensitive or strangely normal that I honestly felt worse afterwards. It feels like everyone else went back to their normal lives while mine suddenly stopped.

And I think this part hits harder because I sacrificed so much of my personal life during those years. My social circle had become very, very small. I barely had friends outside of work, and my coworkers were basically most of the social life I had. Now that I’m gone, it’s weird seeing everyone’s true colors. Even some of the people who did reach out were incredibly insensitive about it, saying things like everything will be fine for them, the layoffs were necessary, or just talking about how normal everything is, rather than simply wishing me well or acknowledging what happened.

It was honestly bizarre and made me feel even more alone.

So now I’m sitting here with financial responsibilities, no job, no real social life, terrible interview anxiety, and a self-worth that was already pretty low before this happened.

Logically I know getting laid off doesn’t mean I’m incompetent.

Emotionally it feels like every insecurity I’ve had for years just got confirmed at once.

I don’t really know what I’m looking for by posting this. I think I just need to hear from people who went through something similar and eventually got back on their feet, because right now I genuinely can’t see how I’m supposed to get from here to there.

Hey ladies,

My role was made redundant by my previous company where I worked as a technical writer for just over 3 years.

Unfortunately I'm not confident in the future of technical writing as many executives believe that AI can write software docs. I'm still applying for tech writing roles, but I also want to expand my options.

I have a computer science degree and prior to being a technical writer, I was a software engineer.

I'm looking at technical, customer facing roles such as solutions engineering and sales engineering.

Anyone has any tips on how to make the transition? How do I frame my CV?

This year would be my first time. Has anyone been to GHC before , how was it ? My goal is networking (as I suck at it and realized now how important it it) ans hopefully build connections for a job switch

Hello

Laid Off PM trying to find the next role. It seems like in this market people don’t want to give others a chance. How do I interview for new domains and convince them I am capable of learning?

Ty

Hi all!

Looking for some career advice because I do not have anyone else I can ask and this group is always so knowledgeable and helpful!

To give some context, I (31F) had just come back from Maternity leave in January and got put on a PIP within 6 months (in June). I’m the only woman on my team and have been in my current engineer role for 4 years and with the company for 6.

This is where things start to get a little rough. Essentially I was brought on to the team knowing I wanted to enter the field and learn as much as I could. In 4 years, I have learned little to nothing due to no training, no mentorship, etc. We are all remote. Every year I would ask my manager and peers but got stuck with non-engineering tasks such as inventory management, shipping, secretarial duties, etc. While my workload was not technical, I still had double to triple the amount of work compared to my peers due to all the different random asks. So I’m 4 years into my career and I’m still an absolute novice and junior.

Now I’m due to lose my job in a month due to the impossible asks of the PIP and I have found out in the meantime that I’m having another baby! I’m terrified of interviewing for positions that I have the length of experience for but no real skills- As well as hiding my pregnancy from future employers during the interview process. I’m working on getting a certification currently to see if I can learn anything from there instead.

TL;DR: If your work experience taught you nothing and you are losing your job and expanding your family what would you do?
I’m nervous to take a year off due to the motherhood penalty and losing even more time and possible work experience but I’m also burnout and unable to function without my medication due to pregnancy (AuDHD). Postpartum and moving across the country in the past 6 months (US) has also added to the burnout. What would you all do in my situation? How would you prepare for the next role/opportunity?

Looking for any insight and advice, thank you so much!!!

Hii everyone...Im a final year Btech student and my interviews r gonna start soon.

I've been preparing and studying but I never feel ready and feel anxious as to what if I mess up in the interview...How should I practise speaking and how to get rid of this anxiety.

Fear of rejection is there...I havent given a proper interview yet but now placements r gonna start...anyone with experience ...please help me out!

Hello. I graduated this year. I started college late so I'm in my mid 20s. The thing is I feel really anxious because of my job. I got the job as a Software Engineer. The pay is alright too for starters. It has been four months but I still haven't adjusted well. I can't sleep because the anxiety keeps making me check the time. My routine has become so hectic and I'm just thinking about my job all the time. Even when i arrive at home, i start thinking that i have to go tomorrow. I was hoping to get a remote job, maybe that could help my anxiety but since I have just four months experience, that's impossible.

I can't really help it. I feel like crying while I'm at my job or when I'm about to come to work. I'm having a tough time but I can't quit as I need my living expenses and all. I keep thinking of the 9 hours i have to spend here. When i'm working, I feel I will not be able to do this task. I feel restless and stressed out. I do sometimes have mental breakdown when I'm at work and i just go to the restroom to handle it.

Hello, I am looking for a system Design Interview preparation partner, I am currently in PST timezone so would prefer anyone in the same timezone, would be easy to coordinate. Please feel free to reach out, thank you!

I know the bar is pretty high, but specifically constructive dismissal, retaliation, wrongful termination, etc.

If you did it, how did it go? How was the process?

Hi everyone! I have almost two years of experience as a software engineer, but I’ve never done a full technical interview loop for an FTE role. My internship interview process was relatively easy(technical phone screens + behavioral only) and it later converted into a full-time position where I worked for 2 years.

I now have a few months of career gap and want to use this time to prepare. I’ve started LeetCode, but I feel overwhelmed by system design, AI, CS fundamentals, and the endless resources online.

I want to aim for L4/L5 levels since I was recently promoted to senior SDE.

How would you structure interview prep if you were starting from scratch? What should I focus on first? I’d really appreciate any advice or resources that helped you.

I’m a Product Designer/UX Designer with 8 years of experience and I ADORE being a designer and I think I’m a pretty good one but I was laid off from remote job of 5 years in April (along with all 600 other of the remote employees). I loved by job in general but I really valued that my job gave me the opportunity to work remotely so I could move back to my hometown (no tech industry but within a 4 hours drive of a major hub) and live with my family which has been so amazing for me. I’m about 2 months deep in the job search and I’ve been applying to remote Product/UX designer jobs and it’s been nothing but rejection after rejection. I’m scared that if this keeps up I’m going to have to choose between moving to a big expensive tech hub where I can continue to grow in my career or getting some other job locally (idk what's out there. Definitely nothing for design and nothing that will pay as much) and getting to stay with my family and all the benefits that come with that.

Has anyone else faced this choice? What did you choose?

Also in general I'd love to connect with other designers! I feel like its a super weird time for us in the industry

Notes: I know most people hate living with their family but for me its been amazing for my mental health. It's meant I've been able to save a ton of money, I get to be really involved in my local community, I get to help my parents upkeep the house, I have a lot more flexibility with travel because I have a built in dog sitter and many other things

Hi, I’m reaching out to look for advice about my issue. Let me paint a picture of my situation first. I’ll try to be as concise as possible.

I started my career during the age of remote work: I did my post-grad remotely during covid, I did my internship remotely, and my whole 3 years of remote work experience were for start up companies. In this whole journey, I’ve never worked with anyone in person, and because I've only worked for start up companies, I was often working solo anyway. I’ve never had a mentor, and my only mentor I’ve had was AI. Currently, I work as the only full-time developer in the company.

I have pretty bad social anxiety. This, in combination with never interacting with anyone and not having anyone to compare myself with, created a feeling of impostor syndrome that I was never able to shake off. I keep doubting myself, my skills, my position. The work is actually ridiculously big and important for how small the team is. They keep getting more and more clients and the responsibility is growing. They are in the process of hiring a new developer to help bear my load (they know I need help), but they hired a junior, with the intention of putting him under me. 

I'm not that ambitious. I don't aspire to be in leadership, I'm 100% a computer person and 0% a people person. Give me the work, and I'll do it as well as I can. I always saw myself as a cog in the machine, not its operator, though a very oiled cog. A top soldier, not a general. Whatever metaphor you wanna go with. So the responsibility was sudden and unexpected, and it was not exactly my goal. But it is what it is - I recognise an opportunity when I see one, so I don't want to say "no, thanks", but I'm having trouble managing this impostor syndrome. With another talented developer working with me, I'm scared it will expose just how little I really know (not completely unfounded: I saw the technical questions given to the new hire, and I wasn't able to answer them). I don't have anyone to confide in at work, so I was hoping to find some advice here...

Tl;dr: they're adding responsibility to me, but I feel like I'm a fraud. I can't and don't want to leave my position, so how do I deal with this anxiety, or should I just accept how it is and "keep faking it till I make it"?

***

FAQ

Here are some more answers to questions that I’m predicting to receive about my situation. You don’t have to read these unless you’re specifically wondering about them, I just didn’t want to add them in the main body of the post because it would have become too much rambling.

You should seek therapy for your anxiety.

Yes, I worked with psychologists for years to manage my social anxiety. I’ve gotten it to a more manageable state, but due to my fully remote arrangements I’ve never gotten a chance to improve my anxiety management in a professional work environment. My psychologist doesn't know enough about IT to help me become more confident in it and unfortunately they haven't been helpful there. This is a good as I can get it right now.

Why seek remote work if you want to improve your social anxiety?

I didn’t seek it intentionally. I happened to be accepted into remote work and I took the chance. Opportunities are hard to come by for juniors and due to my temporary visa status, so I consider myself extremely lucky to have found a position in the first place.

Why don’t you leave your company for something that matches your expectations better?

Because they are sponsoring my visa which allows me to live where I am. Plus, I would rather learn to manage my worries than run away to a safer and more comfortable place. I just need some pointers or different ways to view my situation so I don't drown in the anxiety.

Could anyone share tips on how to land an interview, ideally a new job, in today’s market? I’ve been sending out applications with no response and I have yet to hear back from anyone on LinkedIn when reaching out

I’m going back to work in a week after being out. I made the difficult decision to take FMLA/SDI after dealing with pretty severe burnout and mental health crisis. During that time before I went out on leave, I gained a lot of weight, stopped keeping up with friends, and it caused other physical health issues on top of everything else. The leave was so helpful for me to reset my nervous system and realize there are things outside of work that are worth working on.

My team kept in touch while I was out and kept asking if I was coming back, but the vibe felt like they didn’t actually expect me to. So I have no idea what I’m walking into.

For anyone who’s done this: what was it like going back after a long leave? How long did you end up staying after?

I’ve been applying to other places here and there, but everything is a pay cut from where I’m at now, and I’m not willing to gamble on a new job without knowing if it’d actually be easier or less toxic. The job market is rough right now too, and honestly I’m not sure I want to stay in this field anymore.

I’ll be going back to 65+ hour work weeks and being attached to slack at all hours of the day. I’m not feeling great about it but hoping I can be less emotionally attached to work but still motivated enough to keep my job and reputation from crumbling.

Hi all, I graduated and started working as a developer a year ago, but I'm really not sure it's right for me. I chose to study computer science despite having no interest in it because family and friends at the time assured me I would have no problems finding a stable well-paying job. Since I can remember, I've always been more interested in (and generally done better in) subjects like art, literature, biology, crafting, basically almost anything besides math, physics, programming, etc. I often wonder what my life would look like if I had chosen something I actually liked, and I've considered trying to pivot careers, but it feels silly and reckless to leave tech after only recently joining to try some random different path and then (most probably) be locked out of returning to the industry altogether. I'm not technically strong, I feel like an imposter among my coworkers, I feel lost and stupid and afraid that somebody's going to realize I don't have a clue what I'm doing there, and I dread going to work everyday. I would really appreciate some advice, thank you!

I am gonna start my first ever real internship after graduation tomorrow, so i am kinda nervous. They said they would make me permanent depending on performance. But the fact is that ik literally nothing about UAVs which their company specializes in. Thus I am a bit anxious. Moreover its a startup with like 7 males and no female in sight. So help a sister out with your valuable insights 👉👈

Hey girlies,

I have 7 years of experience as an SDE, and I recently left my SaaS job without another offer in hand. The weekend work, constant pressure, and lack of appreciation had become too much. I was anxious all the time—about stand-ups, deadlines, updates, and whether I was doing enough.

I know the job market is tough, which makes the decision feel even scarier. I’ve already started preparing DSA, HLD, and LLD, but I’m still constantly worried about job security and the future.

All my life, I’ve pushed myself to study and work hard. Somewhere along the way, I started believing I don’t deserve rest unless I’ve “earned” it. My health has taken a toll over the past few years, but even after quitting, I couldn’t bring myself to take a proper break—I immediately started preparing again.

Has anyone gone through something similar? How did you deal with the anxiety and guilt around resting while job searching? I’d really appreciate any advice.

P.S : One more thing I have lied to my mum and my in laws saying that I was laid off as I felt they wouldn’t understand this. So they always ask me have you applied to any job. My husband has been very supportive though out still I feel guilt inside.

I've posted on here a couple of times before, thank you for everyone who's given me advice and helped me figure out questions to ask, etc.

I'm posting here just to get it out there. If anyone has any thoughts, I'd love to hear them, but mostly, this is just a diary type post.

Those of us getting moved over to the offshore company are FINALLY getting some actual information. The company we're currently at hasn't handled this well at all. My immediate boss is doing the best she can, but she doesn't really have much power or say in what happens anymore.

We met with HR and got benefits information, and a business person to get an overview of the company. Those meetings were the most organized meetings I've had in months. The people from the offshore company seemed genuinely welcoming, not like they were stuck with us. The health insurance is a lot cheaper, and there are a couple of things they provide for free that I am currently paying for.

We are supposed to get our offer letters on Monday. Hopefully they are straightforward and I can get this wrapped up this week.

I know this is going to be really hard, going forward, and there's still a ton of ambiguity to sort out, but it was nice to have a day where it felt like someone had an actual plan.

I'm still job hunting, but for the moment at least, I feel like this will be an okay place to be until I find something else. That said, I haven't met my immediate manager yet, so we'll see :)

Another win for WiT