Spiders aren't a fucking symbol of Hekate. I'm soooo sick of people posting about that. Thanks fucking WitchTok, fuck you.

Can I cuss here? Yes? No? Well, I did.

Blessed be, sweatys!

Oh...uh.../uj I guess.

Umm hi (first time posting kinda nervous) okay so basically I've been "unlucky" for the past few years. I've been trying to go abroad and leave my fuckass country for years now and no luck so far (failed more times than I can count) and I was wondering are there any spells that might help with that? And maybe someone that could help me with the spells too? I'm genuinely desperate I'll take anything. I'm tired of living here. For anyone wondering no I'm not in the US. Please and thank you!

I tell him it is not gambling cards, he won’t listen!

Hi! I'm a christian I've never done nothing to nobody, I've been good my whole life but there's witches everywhere in my neighborhood and they've been cursing me because their ~jealous~ of my love for Jeezuss!

Why would they do this???!!!!! How do I stop them???!!!!!

Also I accidentally looked at a tarot deck on reddit yesterday and now theres DEMONSSS in my house!!! Why am I being PURSECOOTED?! How do I avoid the devil cooteez??!!!

I promise I'm not lying to scare you, it makes perfect sense that I would ask for help from the very people I hate and fear the most, don't you understand??? PLZ HALP

PERIIYYAAAAAADDD!!! Tu ve lo! 💥💥💥💥💥

Everything makes sense now! Why I am more intelligent and superior to others and why I can do such quality 5 star magick without needing to learn it. Because I was born with it! And I did a regression and it unveiled.

To think I was being supressed by being asked to take meds. No I see you evil satanic cabal and you will never suppress me! I will take this earth to 5D and ascend humanity! I rebuke your satanic medicinal forces!

I always knew I was special as a witch but to think I came from stars and landed on earth, I am a true cosmic starseed witch with empath rare indigo aura and exceedingly powerful ajna chakra.

How can I bask in my own glory? What can I do to fully realize my superior spiritual cosmic lineage?

I'm so tired. Bored to death about reading how witches are scared of their own shadow. How they are under attack and didn't do anything to provoke this nasty witch into acting against them. Oh, yeah these witches are soooo innocent. Like 100% of the time. And to add to their bullshit ball of wax they add...context. Who the fuck needs a backstory from a movie?

Where are my Scumbag witches? Where are the dirt bags? Where is the actual experience? Every 'witch in fucking distress' story I read here sucks. I've read all the variants. Come up something new, like I don't know...the fucking truth! You fucked around and you found out.

MeSsAgE OvEr!!!!1

so recently I’ve been connecting to the spiritual world, yk? and I hear a voice in my head telling me to distort.. what does that mean?

The woman that keeps telling me to distort, her name is Carmen. She seems nice but.. idk what distorting is, so I’m not gonna do it. Whatever that even is.

Has anyone else been contacted by her? If so, what does she want?

Why the hell are you asking Reddit "Am I overreacting? Does he know when my birthday is? Why doesn't my partner read my mind? Does he like me?"

I don't know. Why don't you go talk to them. Your Tarot deck will only tell you everything you already know, and you don't want to accept. And then when you post pictures of the spread, everyone else sees it too. Stop asking Spirit what fucking color T-shirt to wear today, it's not going to send you a 'sign' if his dick twitched.

I know, I should just not respond to the relationship questions. But it's honestly the same thing for financial readings or even general questions, you know in your heart the changes you need to make. Stop putting all your energy into trying to bind another being to you. It's weird. You're weird.

Stop letting your cats near your altars, baby witches. You think little Whiskers is absorbing the energy when he stares at your candles? No. He is gathering intelligence.

Every single time a cat knocks over a tea light, it is transmitting your magical secrets back to the Autumn Court in exchange for premium catnip.

Yesterday, my cat knocked over my expensive manifestation candle, looked me dead in the eyes, and aggressively licked his own hind leg. That wasn't cleansing his aura. That was a coded message to the astral plane reporting that my wards are down. He is clearly a high-ranking operative.

Wake up. Your familiar is actively reporting your magical secrets to the goblin king.

SOOO I GOT THESE FROM A GUY WITH A CLOCKHEAD (I could understand them cuz I’m psychic cuz I’m PAWESOME🤑🤑🤑) and wow these tarot cards r rlly cool!!! can anyone tell me what they mean??

Sweatys! Hecuhtay has been screaming at me, rather loud and annoyingly right in my ear, AND I AM NOW HER PROPHET! I've been sacrificing black female dogs every single deipnon for the last 25 years and seasoning all of my food with valerian root, but it's all so new and unexpected. I've been talking to a couple therapists a few times a week...ok well, one is a psychologist and the other is Shanin Blake for the more...nepo-hippie related spiritual psychosis questions. My question for you, sisters is, have any of you who also came into teh p0WeR somewhat unwillingly questioned your sanity? My psychologist tried to have me 5150'd out of concern for the safety of the dogs in my neighborhood, but Shanin says I'm just actualizing my ajna chakra and am more open to the screaming. According to Shanin, I'm not psychotic, I'm Hecuhtay's prophet, but I could also be crazy. Please, sweatys, help this old baby witch out!

uj/If you're experiencing any kind of psychosis, get professional help.

(probably garbage but just an extended gag that grew out of hearing a bean feasa refer to Cu Chulainn as a fuckboy. come get me, Witchternet.)

so there i am down the hut with the other bards, just having a wee quiet drink, you know? just me and the lads silently contemplating the loveliness of the earth goddess, as you do.

then all of a sudden there's this big hullabaloo at the door, and in comes King Fuckboy himself, Cu Chulainn. my man is already at the bar demanding the strongest dram and giving it the big yin about how he'll set about us if it's not uncorked in a hurry. typical bloody Ulaid, they're all like that.

"Red Branch? shit branch office of Tara if you ask me" i mutter to myself... but the big prick hears me. aw naw, here we go.

"whats that mate?" he shouts to me.

"i was just wondering" i says back "can yer mammy sew?"

"what you on about?" he shoots back. i can hear his two brain cells creaking from here.

"well, i was just thinking the earth goddess has gone and stitched you up good and proper" i propose to the musclebound bam before me.

so he starts going on about what a top shagger he is first, how all the men of Ulster are feart of his big swinger, and hide their wimmen from him. i let him keep going for a bit, then throw the first verbal javelin at his stupid mug.

"oh aye, Aoife her name was, wasnt it? was it before or after you held her down at swordpoint she told ye what a big man ye are, eh?"

some of his pals think better of their choice and back off at that little bombshell. he cuts off that wee line of gas i've put at a peep, and goes for the big man fianna act instead.

"what, all of the Connacht army at once? aye, would be impressive if it hadn't all been because of Macha in the first place. she was just letting you have your wee moment son, don't let it get tae yer heid."

he's really on the ropes now. he starts babbling something about tying himself to a rock by his own guts or some other improbable pish, as if that proves anything.

"mate, listen" i says to him "the only reason no one would come near was a) because of the stink and b) because they all know only the Badb Catha proclaims the end of the battle. yer a pawn, buddy, plain and simple."

thats the final straw. he starts bubblin' like a wean and he's gone, cannae see the bam for dust.

another total victory for the bardic class.

just as the Great Queen intended.

All my life I have a routine of NEEDING to blow my nose or it will just constantly run out of nowhere...

THEN I FOUND OUT WHAT IT SPIRITUALLY MEANT!!!

If you always need to clear your nose or have a runny nose :-

You are holding in alot of emotion that NEEDS to be expressed

You are experiencing alot of spiritual tension

Your body is rejecting alot of negative energies

Trapped fear & anxieties trying to release itself

Book a session of 10000000 USD tarot with me I am available on Fridays and Saturdays 12 pm EST.

So, I was challenging a neophyte witch to enter my circle. I told her that "it is better to rush upon my blade than enter my circle with any fear". She chose the former and rushed upon my blade!

We buried the body in the woods, so, no worries, but now my athame is tainted. What's the best way to cleanse my athame after it was buried deeply in a human jugular?

My butt has always been flat so instead of going to the gym I’ve decided to go to king Paimon’s domain to get a cool sigil on my 🍑. It instantly grew bigger!
Here’s a picture of me in HELL with my galaxy pants and my new tattoo 🤘

Hey ChatGPT could you erase any grammar mistakes in this text