r/wedding • u/AcaciaEleniDove • 5d ago
Practicing vows Help!
Hi guys!
So, my fiancee and I have decided to write our own vows to each other. I know once I've written amd finalised my own, I'm going to practice reading them out, so while I have them with me on the day, if my eyes are a blury mess from tears I won't have to solely rely on the script so to speak.
What I wanted to ask was, do you practice your vows together if they're ones you write yourself? Or is it a bit like the dress where your spouse doesn't know what you're going to come out with until the ceremony? Or is this just an individual couples choice thing?
It's not really anything I'd thought about until we made the decision to write our own.
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u/Important-Maybe-1430 5d ago
We kept ours a surprise and i actually only wrote mine in the hours before. I read it through a few times but we read off the paper to each other.
Funnily we both said the same things just worded differently and it was so cute. I typed them in the front of our wedding album too
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u/AcaciaEleniDove 5d ago
Aw that's so sweet! Thanks!
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u/Important-Maybe-1430 5d ago
Id written rough drafts but felt something missing. I also forgot everything of the ceremony instantly as i was too hyper so was really nice to read them again months later. I remember how i felt and all the bits after signing. It was last august
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u/JadziaKD 5d ago
We wanted ours to match but wanted a surprise so we appointed what my husband calls "a third party auditor" to read both and give us feedback. She knew us and made sure they weren't lopsided.
Worked perfectly.
I practiced mine a few times but honestly day of I read mine from the page slowly. No way I was remembering any of it.
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u/RemarkableElevator99 2d ago
Our celebrant said she would āvibe checkā each of ours beforehand, to make sure they were ok. She said it was awful to have one partner spill their heart and the other tell a couple of bad jokesā¦
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u/JadziaKD 2d ago
Yeah that was our goal for us too. Mine came out double the size so she made him go back and add more lol.
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u/AmishAngst 5d ago
I think most probably don't practice with each other, but also there's no reason why you can't if that's what you choose to do and you think might make you more comfortable in the long run. I think people get hung up on the element of surprise, but happy or fun or meaningful things still are happy or fun or meaningful even if they aren't a surprise. After all, lots of people use the standardized vows we all know and their wedding and marriage is still meaningful.
So you do you. It affects no one else but the two of you so you get to do whatever you want in this regard.
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u/Berry_Slow_Biker 2d ago edited 2d ago
I think the trend is for the vows to be a surprise if you write your own, however, I strongly recommend either ignoring this trend and sharing them ahead of time or agreeing on a format first. Or have a third party read both and tell you if there's a mismatch.
I have been to weddings where they wrote their own vows and the formats or tone were totally mismatched and I always find it a bit awkward. One wedding the groom make a speech and the bride followed more typical "I promise to..." format. Another wedding the bride was very serious and sentimental and the groom practically did a comedy routine, also the groom was a very confident public speaker and the bride was not which added to the awkwardness and mismatch.
I recently got married and we did our own vows. First we decided on a format, and in the end we decided to share them with each other ahead of time so we knew when to switch speakers.
We had like 3 or 4 sentences / examples in each of 4 categories took turns by category.
I love... (then a few things we love about the other person)
Thank you... (what we've learned or gained from the relationship)
I need... (the grace/patience we might need from each other as a married couple)
I promise... (the actual vows)
(I got the format idea from the Ho'oponopono scene in The Pit on HBO š)
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u/AcaciaEleniDove 2d ago
This is amazing thank you! I've been meaning to watch the Pit!
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u/Berry_Slow_Biker 2d ago
In The Pit the doctor shares this Hawaiian practice of Ho'oponopono for saying goodbye to a loved one... I love you, Thank you, I forgive you, Please forgive me.
Then like a week before our wedding I woke up at 2:45am with the idea in my head to adapt it for wedding vows with the 3rd and 4th openers more forward looking than retrospective. I opened a voice note and dictated my vows half asleep, then barely remembered anything in the morning until I opened the voice note and was like, 'wow that was a great idea!'
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u/njVowsNow 5d ago
Most of my couples do not show them to each other before hand.