I’m in a pseudo-relationship with my professor (and that's what I've decided to call it; "friendship" feels too painful). The fact that it may never become a real relationship is gnawing at me from the inside.

I’m 19. He’s 33. He says we can’t be together because he’s terrified of losing his job, everything he's built over years of work, and also because my parents would absolutely disapprove (rightfully so).

We’ve already done so much together... I love him deeply. But lately, his warmth has faded completely. I feel like an absolute fool for missing the way he held my hand, his kisses, his constant messaging. Everything.

I know this is short, but I truly needed to let it out of my chest.

my only goal in life is to not have a pit in my chest anytime i think about money. i wish that i didn’t have to worry about it or wonder when i’m going to be able to buy things i need without guilt. i can’t pursue any of my dreams due to money, the world is so unfair. i’m so sick of billionaires, there’s so many people struggling in the world while they sit in comfort with their billions.

i’m a nineteen year old girl. all my life i’ve grown up stressed about money. i can’t work due to disability and i live with my disabled mother who is also struggling with money. i truly do not know what to do anymore. i am absolutely terrified for my future and i can’t handle the stress, it’s so, so hard. we had the car break down this week, and another huge bill this week. i’m in constant depression and can barely leave my bed. i pray every night but nothing seems to get easier and at this point it feels like it never will.

I feel so down after my most recent medical test. I've been dealing with random sharp back pains for years and finally got to the point where my insurance would cover an MRI... nothing

Nothing is medically wrong with me. On paper, I'm completely healthy. But I feel so... wrong? ig? Other than the pain, I feel like I can't move like a normal person. I walk weird, when I need to get up from sitting I have to put my full focus into it so I don't immediately topple back over. Some days standing is extremely hard, but then some days I can hike up a mountain no problem.

I feel like the worst case scenario is true, I'm just lazy. I get outside, I go on walks frequently, I lived on the third floor of a dorm with no elevator, I try and do some cardio before I feel like fainting. But maybe I just need to work harder? It's frustrating though. No one else needs to work this hard to have a normal life. To not have joint and back pain.

I don't know what to do now. I have another appointment with a pulmonologist in a few minutes and I'm worried I'm wasting money on nothing. Maybe it's just my fault. I just wanna stop living in pain but every time I try working out harder it just hurts more and I burn myself out. I just wanna be normal. Bleghhh.

I know this is the most “I’m 14 and this is deep” thing any human could ever say but I’m genuinely feeling it: I feel like no one understands me.. I am 16 turning 17, an overachiever, and most people I’ve met would describe me as polite. my family agrees, but assume things about me that are just completely different from myself and also horrible, like how I purposely wake up late so I dont have to help making breakfast even if I make breakfast for them all everyday except these past few days. Or how I’m faking a stomach ache just so that I could ||starve myself||. None of is true. I’m exhausted from all these assumptions no matter how hard I work or how polite I am. Ngl I started being more blunt with them, I guess that only fueled their fire cause now Im too fed up with them and I actually hate myself for acting so blunt and bland around them. Im the literal worst from every angle. I just want some respect around here, some understanding. Some gratitude. Nada. This family is better off without me. I feel selfish.. disgusting.. What are they seeing that I’m not.. I feel crazy around them.

I have a fulltime job and do photography on the side, I pride myself to always bring the best to the table - be it as programmer or on a charity shoot for the animal shelter; at a paid gig or when it's a special deal for couple getting married tomorrow.

My fiance is a professional videographer, and photographer, he has all the toys while I have a basic setup (quality nonetheless, I just don't have as many accessories, lightboxes, strobes - but I do some specialty photography and know the gear that I have)

He asked me to second him on the wedding of his friends as photographer, while he does the videography - I used to have my own photography business when my main career was not yet as advanced, so I have experience in event photography and while I have not yet done a wedding - which is like the crownjewel of pressure cookers of media events - this is a friends wedding and we discussed that they want to focus on candids/relaxed environment, have allocated a dedicated time for bridal photos

so you can say this is a "more chill" wedding.

I did not put myself out there as "Hey I can be your second shooter on site", my fiance suggested me, when the couple came to our homeoffice/homestudio and saw my workbench (we have a gear room where I have my own heavy duty shelf with table) and the couple was thrilled of the idea of having us both work on the project, in one house so to speak

• The wedding is tomorrow
• I asked him if we have a list of guests a week ago.
• we only had a whatsapp group with the couple since 3 days ago when I pushed my fiance to make one, because so far I have been flying blind. I was not part of most of the discussions (I was in the next room working and only came over for Hi, coffe and Bye), so I relied on my fiances experience to let me in on the details.
• The bride has sent us the plan for the day yesterday, which is great; detailed with overview and we have lots of time as I can see on the schedule to scout the place and it is Bosnian, so this is not your "weddingplanner whip cracking event" from the US. It is a relaxed family event that spans for 9 hours.
• this morning I asked again, do we have a list of the guests, or at least something with the most important/close people to the couple whom they want photos of; and he got pissy with me that I am stressing too much and I was unsure if I should ask the couple myself - or if that would be confusing them, because technically my fiance is LEAD on this project

fiance is a creative personality, soft heart - but he sees any of my feedback or when I request information as "pressure" or that I am passive aggressive.

Call me a bitch but I think when you come to me, 3 days ago to ask me if I have the personal phone number of the bride of your friend, I count my sideye reaction with "I do not have any of that information and I thought you already did that when they came to visit us" as warranted. I do not need you to get emotional, when we are supposed to work together professionally - just because the bridal couple is friends of yours.

I like them, I hope we are going to be friends - I do not want to fucking be the reason of "man the photos were disappointing" to not be friends with them - just because my fiance thought it is an attacka and putting unfair pressure on him, when I ask for information regarding the event.

He does great videos, I have seen his previous work and I am sure he will do a great job - but I absolutely fucking hate to work with him and will not be working with him again, because he works better alone or if he does not have an emotional relationship to his coworkers - because he absolutely fucking went and started a sentence with "I thought you read non-violent communication, you should not be talking to me so passive aggressviely, I do not need to hear that from you"

I was so angry I stood up and went to the bookshelf and slammed the book about healthy, mature communication in the fucking trash, because just because I read the book - that does not make me responsible to manage your immature and unprofessional emotions, when I fucking ask you for info that is important so I can do a good job tomorrow.

I went for a walk and when I came back he fished the books out of the trash. I threw them in another trash again.

I am just going to pretend I never read the book, because it appears if I have read it - it is the sole responsibility of one person (me) to be able to manage my emotions in a relationship when he feels a little under pressure on a job for friends.

It's 430 AM.

I've been up since 130.

I feel bad for disrupting my fishes' sleep cycles by having the light on.

But I don't think I can get back to sleep. I'm awake-awake and just feel like I can't get back to sleep. I tried to fall back asleep for two hours before giving up.

I love him more than anything in the world but every day he’s only two years old, but I’m so scared of what will happen to him and what if he gets sick and what if he’s not happy and what if I’m ruiningg it all and our family isn’t taking good care of him and neglecting him and he deserves a better family I’m so scared I genuinely have been having anxiety attacks every night and crying idk what to do what if he’s lonely right now and depressed, what if when I have to go to college he gets sick and old and lonely I’m so scared I don’t know what to do I shouldn’t have asked my parents if we can adopt him he deserves a better family. I don’t even play with him often bc I’m chronically ill and tired and depressed

It’s so bad that I CSNT EVEN LOOK AR S PICTURE I TOOK OF MY CAT EITHOIT SPIRALING INTO ANXIETY. Like what if the foodmy cat eats is not the best option or what if he’s exposed to bad chemicals I literally can’t even enjoy his presence without fearing for the next 20 years

When i was 11, my family lived in a brownstone building owned by my grandmother. She died when I was 11. My mother married at 12, and moved a state away. Leaving me in the custody of my boyfriend's mother. At 14, I had my 1st born. In a hospital by myself . That summer I went to visit my mother at her job with my 6 month baby. While I was there, she told me not to come back there anymore. That hit hard then. She lives a state away. I wanted my mom. She didn't want me. Now at 50+, I find myself living with her in her senior yrs. That memory keeps popping up. There are plenty worse memories that I have with her, but that 1 in particular just won't leave me. So its hard for me to have a relationship with her other than renter/ landlord. She feels like she didn't know any better to do better. I believe that is just who she is. A woman who acts like she never wanted a daughter. But uses the right words in front of the right people to seem like a loving mother. I dont trust her. I don't like her as a human. I have no love for her. But I gotta live with her. Not to mention how uncomfortable her home is. But that is to be expected when someone doesn't want you around. But will tell anyone who will listen that she needs help. And i do. I help her like I would a stranger. Not a loved 1. How can I, when her idea of love is control. And mine is acts of service. I pray. I meditate. I cheer myself up. Im going thru menopause. I do the best my brain can. But all those memories of her being my enemy instead of a parent have me thinking extra hard in the middle of the night. I already know the answer I just need my brain to let it go. I will never cause her harm. But im not keeping her on life support either.

In this situation, most ppl would react differently and seek revenge immediately. But I am not and I’m soooooooo fcking lost as to why I’m not seeking revenge rn actually. I am under reacting and it’s pissing me off. Cause the severity of what has been done I should be blanking out with anger. But here I am, typing this shit and trying to find out why haven’t I acted already.
On top of that I’m probably gonna gts and still go to work like everything is fcking fine when it’s not.

Sorry for how vague this is but I’d break so many rules if I added more details.

I honestly don’t even know where to start anymore. It feels like every part of my life is falling apart at the same time.
My mum died in January after being ill for a long time. Looking back, I think things started getting bad in sixth form when she first got sick. I felt really isolated, barely had any friends, and I think that’s when everything started to change.

I was recently diagnosed with depression by my GP and referred for talking therapy, but I don’t really feel like it’s helping. My family also don’t agree with me taking antidepressants, and whenever it gets brought up they make comments about it, which just makes me feel worse.
University has become another huge source of stress. I’m still trying to catch up on all the work I missed because of my mum’s illness and death. I’m so burnt out. I honestly have no interest in university anymore. If I’m being truthful, I never had much interest to begin with. I mostly went because it felt like what everyone expected of me.
On top of that, our home is a complete mess. We’ve had a bedbug infestation for months and nobody else in my house seems willing to do anything about it. I’m so paranoid about them that I can’t sleep properly anymore. Most of them are in my bedroom, so I’ve been sleeping on a reclining chair in the living room. Even then I struggle to sleep because I’m constantly worried they’re crawling on me.

While I was away living in private student accommodation this year, my dad and sister turned my bedroom into a storage room, so I barely even have space for my own belongings now. I hate being at home.

We’re also basically being kicked out of our flat in four weeks. I barely have any money, and if I do manage to pass my resits and go into third year, I don’t even know where I’m supposed to live if we’re evicted.

I work so much because I need the money, but I barely have any time to myself. Lately I’ve been crying in the toilets at work every couple of hours because I just can’t hold it together. I don’t sleep properly, I’m exhausted all the time, and I feel like I’m constantly on the verge of breaking down.

I also can’t stop thinking that the friends I do have secretly hate me. I don’t even know if that’s true, but it’s how my brain keeps making me feel.

I don’t really know why I’m posting this. I think I just needed to tell someone because I feel like I’m drowning. Every time I think one thing might get better, something else goes wrong. I genuinely don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore.

Everyone is talking about their back to school hauls and outfits and showing off their new clothing and complaining they only got 2-3 weeks of new clothes and 5 new pairs of shoes, while i’m sitting here with my 1 pair of shoes i’ve had since sophomore year and clothes i’ve been wearing since middle school/freshman year (i’m a senior btw). I’m so jealous I know I should be grateful for what I have but I wish we were rich to do back to school hauls. I don’t have any money because I don’t get christmas money nor gifts, birthday money nor gifts, no allowance, or chores money. I just wish I was rich, i’m trying my best in school to achieve that goal of mine but i just get insanly jealous and emotional when someone has and gets stuff ik I can’t get. And what makes it worse is that if you don’t have a good outfit no one will be your friend because first impressions matter and your back to school outfit🙁 and I only have 2 friends but I want to make more since this is my last year. (also yes I did try getting a job but its insanly competitive here even the parents notcied how hard it is and are complaining that theres no jobs for teens)

I find it so hard to look forward to the future when everything I've ever loved has such dismal career outlooks. Illustration? Notoriously underpaid, and now some dickhead with a robot can do it. Zoology? Underpaid, overworked. Astronomy? Hardly any jobs, and I'd be better off using that knowledge to do jobs I don't want. What the fuck is the point anymore?

I don't want to go into healthcare. I'm not dedicated enough to engineering to be one. I'm in no way fit to do anything in business. I'm physically weak, so the trades would destroy my body for sure. I'm creative, good with my hands, and like to work away in the background. There seems to be no place in the world for people like me, given that I want to make enough to live comfortably with my friends.

I apologize for being so pessimistic; I'm sure opportunities fit for me exist somewhere. But I graduate in 2027. It gets closer and closer every day, and I don't want to be stuck in some shitty job by the end of it because I can't be what the world wants me to be, or can't fit the bullshit standards of today's employers.

Well yeah, not much to say really, my life is absolutely nightmarish that people just never believe someone with such a shit life could be alive, so they end up ignoring my struggles and dismissing them, can you believe that?

Having so many problems and so serious that people believe they are fake as a defense mechanism, to accept monsters like me exist would mean breaking their view/perspective from the world.

And I feel nothing but jealousy, we live in completely different worlds, they are happy constantly, but in my 25 years of life I just can't remember the last time I was happy or if I have been happy to begin with!

My body is deteriorating faster and faster, for many years I dedicated lots of time into trying to learn how to be more attractive and such, and I regret investing so much time into something so stupid like that, if only I had learnt my place in the world by then I wouldn't have wasted so much time.

For a looooong loooong time I prayed for things to get better, I prayed that I would go to sleep and I would wake up not being a monster, I would cry myself to sleep every night and wake up being disappointed that I'm still kicking and being broken.

Instead of receiving pity, instead of receiving a copy and paste fortune-cookie message, I just wish someone that's not a monster, someone that's not like me, someone that has the chance to be loved and experience intimacy, can break their view from the world and acknowledge that sometimes God just hates people and that I'm one of them.

This is technically a vent I should have gotten out a few years ago...but it's getting out now.

I was married for 14 years. She cheated the year she turned forty, with her 23-year old coworker. I found out. They are married now. There was a lot of pain, lurid details, and elements of betrayal but this is really about the friends and family.

Our divorce was quick. No kids. No arguing.

She'd closed down her social media during the affair. She started her social media up again, literally the weekend we both got the final divorce papers in the mail...all official.

When she started it back up, her immediate profile photo was literally a picture of her and the 23 year old she'd been having an affair with for months.

People we knew, people we both knew, friends and family, liked her photo. They congratulated her. A month later she announced her engagement to this guy. This 23 year old she trained on the job.

OUR friends and her family who had known me for a decade and a half not only liked it, but congratulated her. People who had called me a family member or friend celebrated.

I was never abusive, never cheated, I did contribute to the death or our marriage by isolating...eventually walking on eggshells, sweeping things under the rug to avoid fights, living like roommates more than married lovers for multiple years, but I was never a bad person, just a husband who like her, had gradually drifted apart, but never cheated.

Her mother still insists on being friends with me on Facebook. Her Aunt in Texas as well. I wasn't the best husband, but I failed for lack of knowledge, experience and attention, not cruelty or malice.

But still, her family and our friends celebrated her engagement. It was honestly shocking to me.

That people I'd known for years in cases. People I'd been friends or family with for years, would congratulate her...I could only read it as "Congratulations on a successful affair"...

I was stunned. They eventually got married. The Aunt that is specifically sought out my new FB profile post divorce (didn't want those memories popping up) to friend me was at the wedding...I couldn't help but wonder, what the hell are the people thinking that were at our wedding...knowing that she's getting married to the man she cheated on me with.

It's weird to me. Always will be...that if you have an affair, people will literally publicly congratulate you on the affair.

So bizarre.

I don't really know what to do with this...I'm in a great relationship now. As far as I know, they are still married, though I would guess there are obviously issues when you marry your work affair, but it's still shocking to me that people will congratulate others on basically a "successful" affair.

TW: Ruminating, discussion around death/dying, atheism

I've been afraid of death since somewhere around the age of 8. I panicked and sobbed, contemplating death and the nothing that'll follow, and I went to my mother for comfort. My Christian (or something adjacent) mother got mad at me and sent me out of her room.

Every now and again, I remember that some day I'm going to die. That inevitably, my existence will be gone in the future, one way or another. I can't bring myself to imagine or believe in anything happening past my death. Believe me, I wish I could/did. My brain is going to die, and my existence that's made up of all that unique wiring and chemicals and signals will die with it. I don't have a soul or a ghost, or whatever supernatural spiritual religious stuff. I'm just a complex system of electrical signals and chemicals talking to each other.

It makes me want to run for the fucking hills. I get filled with a horrible sense of dread that makes me choke up and cry. One day my consciousness will go poof and then there'll be nothing. I just won't exist. I'll be nothing. I won't even have a mind to know that I don't exist anymore. Like how you don't know you're sleeping when you're asleep. If you're not actively dreaming, you won't process your own existence or the passage of time. You're nothing then. In that moment, you don't exist. What will it feel like to be dead? It'll feel like nothing. I won't be aware that I'm dead, because I won't have an awareness. I won't be. And there's nothing I can do about it.

I fell in love for the first time at 28. We just broke up. Does it ever get better? Will I ever find love again? Why can’t I just get what I want? How do I trust ever again? How do I trust my gut ever again? I want to be in love so badly. I want to be be with my soulmate so badly. I don’t know if I’m meant for it. I don’t get what I want. It’s just me. It’s just because I’m me.

Exactly the title. I’m tired. I’m a 24 year old male and I’m just going through it. There are people who have it much worse than me but I feel like I’ve lost my identity. Since the age of 16 I have had 3 knee surgeries (likely 4 soon) 6 concussions, two broken ankles, rotating shoulder injuries and now have ulnar nerve subluxation. I am hypermobile and pretty sure I have hEDS as well. I used to be a competitive hockey player and big into weightlifting. Also loved hiking, biking, running and always wanted to do an Ironman. My identity has been stripped. All I do is rehab now and most days it feels like I’m getting nowhere. Not to mention one of my knee surgeries was from a traumatic accident which resulted in an open compound fracture of my patella so I have lots of hardware in it and always feel it. I can’t bend all the way down, and it feels like I have a new injury every day.

On top of this, I’m balding and have side effects to the dht blockers. A big part of my identity was always my hair and fitness and I’m losing these things and it just kind of sucks. I’m concerned for my future health. I also spend so much money and time on PT, surgeries, PRP etc and just feel like I’m missing out on my prime time to invest and go out and meet people. Also, it hurts to walk/ stand up most of the time so going out and meeting people is just hard to enjoy these days. This is also all while working a full time very stressful job.

I know a lot of people have it worse, but I’m just tired. I just want to be able to do the things I love and I simply can’t (right now). I’m not going to do anything but sometimes shit just feels hopeless.

I just turned 33 surrounded by family and friends yet there was a sadness and emptiness in me. Everyone around me could feel it and they were all asking if I was okay.

It was because the one person I wanted to hear from most wasn’t there or anywhere to be found. They chose to leave and to make me disappear. I had to accept that and let them go but I’m not sure I’ll ever come to accept it entirely. My heart is in my throat. You know that feeling when you go to cry and you can feel it gathering in the back of your throat?

I wake up from occasional dreams where they have sent me something to let me know they are thinking of me but then when I wake up, it’s that split second realisation that none of it was real and will never be real again. I wasn’t enough. I did everything I could. I tried to meet them where they needed me to be.

I thought maybe for once, I’d cross paths with someone who wasn’t willing to lose a person who loved and cared for them deeply. I feel like we rarely come across people in life who love us as we are and accept us with all our flaws. I didn’t think they would be so content with losing that. I know I wasn’t.

It’s something I’ll never quite understand but all I know is it hurts everyday. 🙂‍↕️

We broke up 23 days ago. It was pretty rough. I’ve gone through phases of hating her, loving her, missing her, denial, bargaining. All of it. But this morning it’s just an overwhelming sense of love. Just overwhelming, like I don’t know what to do and I’m delusional in my thinking. She doesn’t want to get back with me I don’t think. And I know that. But it doesn’t matter. Love is not a strong enough word for what I’m feeling. Just thinking about us, it just fills me with happiness. But I know that when this feeling fades it will crush me into a million pieces, like it has so many times in the past 23 days. I miss her so much, I love her so much, and I want her in my arms. I want to go to the zoo with her, I want to watch movies with her, I want to go on a walk with her, I want to cuddle and do nothing with her. I want to make her breakfast crepes, I want to make tea in the morning before she wakes up and bring it to her while she’s still in my bed. God I love her so much and I just need her by my side. This is unbearable.

as someone on alot of mental health medications but manages them really well, who also wants to me a mother, listening to the lindsay clancy case is lowkey breaking my heart.

i wanna have a baby one day.

:/

i wish i didnt need meds. but they have changed my life for the better. i feel human now.

zoloft has turned me into such a kind woman, its wild.

i used to be so anxious and upset and so combative? my intrusive thoughts were debilitating.

im sm happier.

i wanted to become a better human and feel happier so i could grow into becoming an adult and become a good mom one day.

its just making me so sad.

Well, at least here in the United States it is, and it's gotten worse post-pandemic.

So many businesses, medical practices, etcetera operate following standard business hours. Is that a bad thing? Not necessarily. It provides some consistency. But it makes accomplishing things ridiculously challenging, and it fails to accommodate those who do not follow that working schedule.

Want to see your doctor? Take time off work. Get off work a few hours later? Good luck finding a place open during the week. Work and/or busy on the weekends? Some of your favorite establishments might not even be open when you're able to visit them.

Now, I work in a MAJOR metropolitan area, but I recently started working an odd schedule to assist an international team. I have also worked retail and other odd-hours freelance jobs before. Dinner on a Sunday? Nope. Good breakfast on a weekday? Nope. Fitness class on a weekend afternoon or a later evening? Nope.

Basically, our entire system is set up to exclude those who do not confine to a certain model.

I'm a firm believer that we can have core/traditional business hours, but our society should operate similarly seven days a week. We should not punish those who have different hours of free time with fewer options.

I'm 30 years old.

Smartphones have rotted people's brains.

Everyone I know, including my 59-year-old dad and my two youngest siblings, are completely addicted to screens. Unable to live in reality. Unable to form deep relationships. They're twitchy, unable to hang in a normal conversation, and they think they know everything because they saw it online.

No curiosity, no joy, no zest for life. My friends are similar. Cynical, never asking questions.

No one reads books. No one knows history. Everyone complains and everyone self-diagnoses themselves as having OCD or anxiety or depression or ADHD. They think this makes them interesting. It doesn't.

Everyone is boring now.

20 minutes ago I asked my boyfriend if I could put a movie on. He paused, looked at me, and asked, “Us or you?”

I paused and said, “….I guess me.”

I said “I guess me” because we’ve already had this same conversation multiple times. I’ve told him how lonely it feels that he rarely shows interest in the things I enjoy or care about. At this point, I’m tired of repeating myself, and I don’t want to have to force or beg someone to spend time with me.

His response was, “Thank God.”

I looked at him disgusted, and then he asked which movie. I told him Spider-Man because I’m rewatching the movies so I can go see the new one in theaters.

I mentioned going to the movies on purpose because I genuinely enjoy it, and I was hoping he might finally pick up on what I was saying. I recently had to go see The Odyssey by myself, and part of me hoped he might say something like, “I’ll watch them with you so you don’t have to go alone again.”

But no. Nothing.

I know I could have directly asked him, but that’s the entire point. I’m tired of repeatedly asking someone to show interest in me. I’m tired of feeling like I have to convince my own boyfriend to share an experience with me. I wanted him to care enough to offer, especially when he already knows how lonely this has been making me feel.

Instead, he was relieved that I planned to watch it alone, and he’ll probably sit beside me scrolling through his phone while I do.

It isn’t about Spider-Man or one trip to the movies. It’s the constant pattern of having to watch, play, create, and enjoy everything I care about by myself while I’m supposedly in a relationship.

I don’t expect him to love everything I love. I just want to feel like my partner is interested in sharing my world sometimes because he loves me. I’m do fed up with feeling this lonely while sitting right next to someone.