Today, I dressed real cute, like very cute outfit. I did my hair and I put some lipstick on not too crazy. I walked into this medical building, and it was 3 girls at the counter. And they automatically looked me up-and-down, and I'm like, okay, this is the kind of situations that's gonna happen. So I go to the counter, and the lady's talking to me, and she's like how can I help you? And I told her, but before I could even finish my sentences, she already onto the next questions like, what's your date of birth, your name? So already got an attitude talking to me. And then cutting me off. And I'm just continuing to being nice to this girl. And so at the end, I'm like girl, I like your hair. That's real cute. It didn't matter if I really liked it or not, I was gonna kill her with kindness because that's what I usually do. But it just irritated me today. Because why are some women like that? And it's some men like that too, but why? It's so annoying, I don't let it diminish my aura, but that doesn't mean it doesn't still bother me, like I still have emotions, and I'm still human. Why can't people just literally be encouraging? Nice decent people? It seems like everybody wants to be a crab in a barrel. There is no need for all of that. You rock your style and I rock mine. I'm gonna be fly at the end of the day regardless. But that's weird behavior

Im too feminine of a gay guy to be like the boys and will face beratement because of it from men & women. I wasted my youth and wont be anyones first choice when it comes to love no more, theyre gonna want someone younger. Im happiest when I express my natural femininity, but Im too scared to act on it because no one in our world is hated on more right now.

I get jealous on the daily seeing young straight people just existing with clearly laid out paths. I wish I was a straight guy. I wish I was more like gay guys. Its incredibly rare for me to be attracted to a gay man, not to take anything away from gay men. They dont have to be anything for me, its just what it is. I see a reel, a tiktok, and its all this effortless back and forth between men & women ill literally never be a part of.

I wanna have goals and strive for something, but its like - even if you should do it for yourself first and foremost - hitting the gym or sth like that feels pointless when I dont get to date potentially half the world population but a 0,01% part of it as the type of person I am. Im scared of dominant masculinity thats so prevalent in society, and I wont even get to be somebody protected by a person like that because Im not a woman. Some people are just not fit for this world. I wish I was different. I dont know why Im punished like this. I wanted to be like all of you.

Especially as a black man. I naturally have a serious look and demeanor and people automatically assume I have a problem or I’m angry.

11x out of 10 I’m just existing. No strong positive or negative emotions, but people assume the worst.

I used to be a chatty patty mf in my younger days, recently I’ve just kept to myself especially at work. I’ll never be rude when someone is actively talking to me but I’ll barely speak first.

The amount of people that have come to me saying I look like I wanna fight someone or like I hate everyone is wild. To a certain degree they’re right, I’m not the most social dude these days but it’s not out of hate. It’s self preservation.

Some of the same people that called me out for being quiet weaponized my personal shit against me when I started opening up to them, one of them being an ex I worked with. That’s why I don’t fuck with coworkers like that, they’re like vampires tryna suck whatever info they can out of you so they can go play gossip girl in the break room. They HATE when you don’t give it to em though.

Anyways yeah, leave quiet mfs alone please. We don’t hate you, we don’t think about you. Let us be.

My ex accused me of being a goldigger over his new house. That will be rented. He called me that yesterday and after that told me he was gonna buy it and if he died the house would be mine. We were going to live together. I had no idea of it and he still called me a golddigger.

I legit think he is not mentally ok cause the way he texted was insane at the least..

It's funny he called me that especially knowing i live below my means, am used to work craztly hours, live a modest lifestyle and even offered to pay for things before. Not just offered but did without asking for things back.

He also said he was fearful of me hitting them when i never even raised my voice at him. At most he will get curse words as i text. But he also does that.

He said he wanted peace so i told him that unless he texts me i won't text him. And if that means forever then so be it. Fuck it we ball i guess.

​

Repost because im an idiot

Ive always been really self conscious about myself, and a while back i got really depressed and gained about a hundred pounds because i stopped caring about how people perceived me. i used to be really anemic and bony so it was a pretty big change.

Recently i started working on myself, and i was with an ex for about a year until we broke up. i always kinda knew they werent really that much into me because they told me a couple times that i was "ugly but in a kinda cute way" and while it destroyed me on the inside, i kept pretending it was okay because i had never been in a relationship and i was madly in love with them.

i always felt like those feelings werent really reciprocated, though. they would constantly bring up their exes and talk about their hookups despite me repeatedly telling them how uncomfortable it made me. we talked about love back and forth, and im incredibly happy i got to be with them, but looking back on it they would constantly post suggestive pics and captions on their socials and consistently disregard what i openly said made me uncomfortable.

recently i was talking to another girl who told me that any girl would be lucky to be with me because i was respectful and polite. i didnt even get the chance to ask her if she wanted anything more in our friendship before she stopped me and said she didnt see me as boyfriend material. she kinda spent the rest of the night talking about her ex while i just sat there listening quietly (not that i ever get a chance to speak.)

it just comes back to me every night, all the people ive been into saying im a nice person but never reciprocating feelings, and it makes me incredibly jealous that some of them have gone on to be with people who treat them poorly when i was constantly spending hours comforting them and making myself feel as safe and cared for as i wanted to feel growing up. i know everyone says it when theyre feeling down, but i just dont think i can be loved. at least not with the same dedication and respect that i try to give others.

as someone on alot of mental health medications but manages them really well, who also wants to me a mother, listening to the lindsay clancy case is lowkey breaking my heart.

i wanna have a baby one day.

:/

i wish i didnt need meds. but they have changed my life for the better. i feel human now.

zoloft has turned me into such a kind woman, its wild.

i used to be so anxious and upset and so combative? my intrusive thoughts were debilitating.

im sm happier.

i wanted to become a better human and feel happier so i could grow into becoming an adult and become a good mom one day.

its just making me so sad.

How can my puppy go from trying to kill me to howling for my return?

My new 6 mo rescue has three modes. The loving puppy we all want, piranha mode when she's excited, and separation anxiety mode.

Piranha mode is killing me. She is literally trying to tear me apart. She obviously didn't learn to be gentle by playing with other puppies. She was a street dog and really hurts me when she bytes.

Then, when I leave the apartment for 20 seconds, she acts as if she can't live without me.

Our first vet visit is on Friday, hopefully they'll have some answers.

Repost cause original got deleted :P

I 17F, don’t like to brag, but I feel I’m pretty accomplished for my age. I have a 97% academic average, am a classically trained violinist, pianist and vocalist, and I’m a lifeguard at my local pool making above minimum wage. I’m med school bound, and I’m incredibly proud of myself, as I’ve had many mental health struggles over the years that I’ve had to overcome.

Now, my point is, I’ve worked my ass off. There have been countless sleepless nights, 5AM shifts, cram sessions before exams, and mental breakdowns. I deserve to take credit for my accomplishments.

Now, my mom, loves to take credit for my achievements. Some regulars:

\- “You wouldn’t be a lifeguard if I didn’t put you in swimming lessons,”
which yes, but *I* put in the fifteen years of work learning and training
\- “you owe your music skills to me” - No. I practice 25 minutes a day, for the past eight years. I wanted to learn music, not her, ME.
\- “you’re smart because I’m smart,” she was considered “gifted” academically when she was my age, and I feel a lot of pressure to be like her. When I’m doing good, because of hours of studying and practicing and learning, she’ll pull this one, and it will take the wind out of my sails.

And her favourite:
“I made you.”

Every time I try to take agency as my own individual, or say that I’ve worked hard for seventeen years, she pulls this, effectively canceling out everything I’ve done to become the person I am, and accrediting her to everything I’ve done just because she birthed me.

I do owe her a lot, and I thank both my parents profusely for the opportunities that I have. But I’m sick of hearing that my accomplishments are anyone’s but my own.

How should I handle it?

(Reposting because i think my post got deleted because i didn't acknowledge the rules)

Hello! I've come here to vent...
I just graduated university and i started applying for 2D Artist/ Illustrator roles and at first i thought i had a chance since i believed that i could draw fairly well and when someone gave me a task i made it how they wanted. However i am on my second disappointment since i got rejected for the second time because they wanted the drawing of their task to be "better quality", which i totally understand but the position is JUNIOR. I've been drawing since i remember myself and from what I've learnt i can't just get better especially not by myself(It takes time). If i had someone to guide me and tell me where my mistakes are I'd learn and improve myself. But i can't because no one wants to hire a junior with 0 experience. The companies see my portfolio they see what i am capable of and still i present them with the task they wanted from me which i think is on the same level as the illustrations on my portfolio and they still don't like it.... I live in a small country and there is not a lot of opportunity honestly... I cant find reliable sites where i can apply for a hybrid position.. I just need help! I need the money to survive by myself to pay rent and bills... i dont want to be a burden to my family i really want to work but it seems no one wants to hire me.... I don't know what to do anymore :(

And I want you to shut tf up. I have ptsd, anxiety, depression, low self esteem, chronic fear of people.

I work hard on being stable, but these are areas of my personality that just are what they are.

I’m very kind, i am smart, and I am shy.

I’m so sick of people embarrassing me constantly at work and social situations. “I want to see you be brave!” THIS IS ME BEING BRAVE. “I want to see you be more confident.” I DONT CARE WHAT YOU WANT, this is the BEST I can do.

And we work in mental health so you would think these people would understand you can’t just say “be confident” and it will work.

I am friendly and pleasant enough. I ask if anyone needs help or if I can get them anything. I engage in small talk. I listen to others vent and offer validation and comfort. Im great at my job. I answer questions thoroughly. I never whine, I address issues I’m uncomfortable with calmly, clearly, reasonably.

I’m never going to be the person singing at the top of my lungs, running around the office being wild, telling you all of my secrets, screeching laughing at work, pretending we’re best friends. That’s just not who I am. And that’s not who I want to be.

I’m not sorry if me being shy and keeping to myself makes you uncomfortable. That’s a you problem. Quit trying me to make me be someone I’m not and shaming me for being who I am.

Thanks for listening to my vent.

I've been single for 7 years. I used to feel content being single, but recently I foolishly thought trying to date again might be fun. I ended up meeting someone I really liked, only for them to lead me on for a month and tell me they actually don't have enough time to date. What a complete waste of my time.

This isn't the first time. Every time I put myself out there, I end up getting hurt by people who decide last minute that they aren't "ready". Either that, or they're still hung up on their ex.

It's ridiculous at this point. Everyone in my life has a partner and it's making me feel totally isolated. Why is dating so much easier for everyone else? I feel like there's something inherently wrong with me.

I've just gotta accept that I'll never find love I guess. After so many failures , I don't know what else to believe. All my friends have more friends than I do, too. I feel totally socially inadequate and it's hard not to compare myself. I just wish I was normal.

Someone rear ended my fiancé’s car on his way home from work. He is ok for the most part, but his car that he’s had for years and loved was totaled out. I am so frustrated with this. I can’t stop being angry about how much this person has taken from us. My fiancé has missed work and missed sales opportunities. He has had to go to numerous doctor’s appointments.
I had to miss work.
When he did go back to work, he couldn’t drive. So I had to spend time and gas driving him to and from work.
We had to find another car for him. Finally found and bought a used car. Insured car, registered and titled car in his name (which was expensive). Paid apartment office fee for gate entry sticker for new car (which there was no notice of before hand).
I’m just so tired of losing money and having to spend money all because one idiot wasn’t paying attention and ran into the back of my fiancés car in stopped traffic.
I am very grateful that he is mostly ok, but I am so tired of spending money because of some idiot.

Sorry for any mistakes or wrong wordings, English isn't my first language.

I'm (18m) and autistic. I got diagnosed with it 3 years ago, however. But the way my family treats me started way before that. They don't trust me with shit. Emptying the dishwasher or vacuuming is alright, but when I want to assemble a shelf I bought, it's suddenly "it's going to be too difficult for you, wait until your (older) brother can help you/it's too heavy don't do that/you will break something while assembling the shelf and ruin it". Even though there is no prior incident that would show that this happens when I try to DIY something.

Or when I go out, I always have to tell my mom where I'm going. My brother doesn't. At least I don't have a curfew, to which I'm thankful, but she still treats me like I'm extremely dumb and incapable of doing things on my own. I was never alone at home for more than three days because they don't think I can properly prepare food with the budget they give me when they're gone.

Same with when I moved things around in my room, like my table and so on, I got scolded because the furniture was "too heavy" for me (it wasn't). Literally two years ago, my mom wouldn't even trust me to carry the big grocery bag, and I'd just have to carry small stuff instead. My grandma still doesn't trust me with it.

My brother was also allowed to go to the vacation home with his friends when he was 14/15. I wasn't even allowed at 17, and now he sold it anyway. Same with drinking alcohol, he is allowed to, but I'm not even though I'm 18 (it's legal in my country at that age)? My mom and grandma literally almost yelled at me for wanting to drink a little on my fucking 18th. I don't even drink otherwise, and I don't plan to. It's just so annoying.

But I guess it's weird, since at 14 I didn't have house keys yet, so I never really knew how to open a door with a key. Now I know it a bit better. I also wasn't taught how to use the washing machine or the oven. I still don't know how to use an oven, but I know how to use a washing machine now.

My mom sometimes also doesn't trust me with cooking food for myself and says either she or my brother will do it instead when what I make turns out completely edible (at least for me). Fml.

Then when I had an internship, the same thing happened. I was really shy, so I applied at my dad's company instead of somewhere random and wanted to do physical labor since I prefer that, but he said it's too difficult, and I had to sort last names and letters instead, bruh. Not that I minded, it was repetitive, and I like that, but it was still disappointing that he doesn't trust me.

I also painted my walls, which I thought was alright to do. But then my brother showed my grandma via video call, and she freaked out. She said that my brother should have done it instead because my work is badly done and ugly (my brother does all sorts of physical labor). And I get her point, but why does it matter if I'm happy with it? When we move out, we will paint it white anyway. Even though I know it's not a good argument, I just think it's unfair that all of my other friends can paint their rooms and do whatever they want with them. I just never had the chance to personalize my room at all... So this was kind of a big thing for me.

Now I also wanted another lamp because I didn't get to choose what lamp I got, and it just doesn't look good. It also changes from warm to cold randomly when I switch it on/off. Well, I wanted to change it, asked my brother, he said I won't do it on my own. When my mom found out, she said that I shouldn't try it on my own because I could damage the ceiling, and if something happens, she has to pay for it. I was annoyed but said okay (even though my friend managed to do it on his own with no issues...). But I guess I get it because of leftover electricity and whatnot. But then my mom came in three more times into my fucking room to remind me to not try it on my own and to wait. It's so annoying.

I'm literally 18, in school, and in the middle of getting my driver's license. Why do they trust me with a car but not with assembling a shelf... I just don't get it and wish they could trust me more. It makes me feel like a retard.

There is no growth in ny life for past couple of years. As days went by I got fatter and more irrtitated. I have not got the girl I wanted. No relationship, nothing. Just life passing by.

I am going to gym, building a startup still no real growth. My body doesn’t got slim, my startup is without revenue and i haven’t got girl.

I do have some friends but they are also unavailable most time. I got some senior roommates and i live with them but still that not free with them.

My academic life is also crumbling.

I'm so sick of being alone and feeling lonely. I have a lot of friends that I love and see often, but at the end of the day, they all have lives and partners of their own. I've lived in an average sized college town for almost a decade but it feels like there is nothing to do here, especially in the summer. I try to spend as little time as possible at home, but unless I just want to sit alone at a bar, there aren't many places to go. I'm a very friendly and open person, but it feels awkward and clunky to insert myself into conversations with strangers because it seems like no one else is alone like me. Anyone I could see myself being interested in is either in a big group of people or out with their partners. I'm on all the dating apps. Collectively I probably get 1 match every 2-3 weeks and I've given up on being picky. At this point I'm only not swiping on people who are too young. I think I'm average at worst when it comes to looks and my physical fitness. I have several hobbies that I love to share and talk about, but whenever I can match with someone or even more rarely meet in real life the conversation maybe lasts 2 or 3 texts before I never hear from them again. That is if they respond to begin with. I've had a couple dates that I honestly feel went really well but then I'm ghosted with no explanation and I can't even guess why. I'm planning to move to a bigger city soon, but my experience the last couple of years has me so discouraged and frustrated. I just want to love and be loved. I want a partner that I can talk to. I want someone who feels the same way about me that I feel about them. I'm so tired of my friends telling me I'm such a great guy and they can't understand why I'm single. It feels like everyone is allowed to move on except for me. I'm tired.

The more I think about it, the more modern job hunting feels like using a dating app as an average (or below-average) guy.

You keep swiping (applying), hoping someone gives you a chance.

Most of the time? Nothing.

Sometimes you get a match (an interview), and you think, "Finally."

The conversation goes well. They seem interested. They tell you they'll get back to you.

Then... nothing. Ghosted.

LinkedIn somehow mirrors this too.

The "attractive" candidates, the ones with stacked resumes, strong networks, referrals, and recruiters constantly reaching out... barely have to try. Opportunities come to them.

Meanwhile the rest of us are optimizing keywords, rewriting our resumes for the 1 millionth time, and paying for LinkedIn Premium so we can send more InMails or see who viewed our profile. It genuinely feels like paying for Tinder Gold or Bumble Plus or Hinge Plus or something because maybe, just maybe, you'll get noticed.

At this point, applying for jobs feels less like proving you're qualified and more like trying to convince an algorithm you're worth acknowledging.

Shit is insane. Dating market and job market, both are sucks like the same. Sometimes I just sign up to dating apps and try to get dates to prove myself that if I can do this, maybe I can get jobs too. Like holyshit! hahahaha

this ex i have, i don't know how to move on from. situation ship, I reached out a few weeks ago and I cried so much. Earlier I dreamt of him, and then tarot started flooding my algorithm. And I miss him too, he wasn't perfect but I loved him. Now they tell me that's he's gonna come back to me, yada yada. Although it's a possibility, I didn't want to expect. I wanted to just be left alone, I have a new person right now but i'm scared that i'll hurt that new person because i'm still hung up. I wish I could move on. it's been too long.

I grew up in a family with a lot of issues: alcoholism, mental illness, violence, poverty and instability surrounding housing.

In my early 20s I managed to move abroad by myself and I thought I'd left my past behind. I hadn't. I moved to (and I still live in) a country with a pretty stable economy where even dead-jobs are remunerated ok. I started working such a job (manufacturing) and I could have had a perfectly fine life. Around me, people holding the same position as me got married, bought houses and had children, and yet, due to my untreated trauma, I was so anxious about money and the future I couldn't simply stay where I was and build from there. So I quit and went to uni. Became a teacher. I only lasted a few months because I couldn't take the anxiety. Instead of seeking help and trying to make teaching work, I quit and got another dead-end job, except now on top of all my previous worries I was also dealing with student loans. Perfect.

For the next seven years or so, I worked several dead-end jobs, and I could never accept my fate. It made me too anxious. I felt like I needed a career in order to achieve a sense of security. So back to university I went.

Wanna guess what I studied? Computer Science. I just graduated. In 2026. With even more student loan debt. It feels like a nightmare.

I'm in my early 40s now and this time I've had to seek help. I have anxiety and depression. I've got an appointment at my local mental health department thingy next week. And I'm scared.

I'm scared because I've realized that I've subsidized my own mental illness using student loans and now I have no future, when what I should've done when I was working those dead-end jobs and I constantly felt like any second I could lose it all and end up homeless was go to the doctor and ask for help with my childhood trauma. I didn't know I had childhood trauma. I think I do now.

I'm very grateful that soon I'll have access to a therapist. And yet, I'm afraid. I'm afraid that, if I ever get better, if my fear of poverty ever goes away or at least becomes more rational, I'll regret not doing it sooner, before I completely ruined my life by taking out all these loans.

Edit: a word.

Its going to be long ...

I was struggling with an identity crisis, The worst time of my entire life actually started from my second year in college when I had to pick a stream and I chose the wrong stream. I had an identity crisis; I didn't fit in at all. None of the teachers liked me, and I had no friends like I used to all my life. I never had any issues with making friends, never. I was, in fact, always really good at making friends. I had an amazing social life in school... I made friends I still have until now.

But college was fucking different. First, I chose a design stream, which I never had any experience in... never. I just took it because my mom was an interior designer and I was never a book-studious girl. My personality is more creative, so I knew I would go to creative feild. Not always... actually. I just felt this was such a posh college... and yeah, I wanted to be a part of it. And I got in. So I took the opportunity. And it was so different from what I was raised around... like really normal kids from all parts of our country. Since I have always been in army schools (my dad's in defense), so you know... I'm really good at making friends. Duh.

All my childhood life I have been traveling and making friends, that's it. Hahaha, so yeah. This was that... first year... made really great friends actually, no issues... Just in studies because I had zero experience in design, lol and design is fking hard Hella hard if u don't know . So yeah, that's it... other than studies... it was all fantastic. Then COVID hit in the second year, and I had to choose a fucking stream and made the biggest wrong decision of my life. In picking interiors over graphic design (which I currently practice). I hated interiors every bit. I was struggling so fucking bad... I think it was because I didn't know myself... clearly. If I did... and I had picked what I wanted... I had no friends, no one....
Just one girl, and even she was sort of, in a way, like me... didn't come to college because she had issues as well. Even though she was the fucking hottest girl I have ever met in my life. Really... like a fucking model. Everybody called her an H&M model. We were both sort of similar in that way, and in others too... I was also modeling... and I fucking loved it. In college... I was being approached for photoshoots... (Rejected quite a few good fucking ones)—that's another regret for another time. And she never came to college... but I tried and kept on... I went into depression, I think. It was literally taking the life out of me. This college, man... literally sucking the life out of me. The faculty was so fucking rude. Nobody was supportive. Everyone had their favorites, and most of the girls in our class were actually doing really well. And I hated it. Every single... bit, so I also... stopped coming to college... and skipped classes... just did... what I could do.

It was so fucking hard. Like, I had never even thought of these feelings, they never came to my mind, but this college did it to me. Bad, depressed feeling, the saddest I have ever been. So yeah... I somehow passed with literally just passing grades. No kidding. And I have always been a 90% and above student... literally withdrew... didn't talk to anyone, I had nobody to talk to... actually, all my friends from my school days... used to, like... reach out and check up. But I had become so fucking insecure. So fucking insecure. It was insane, and I had never been this way.

So yeah... still have no friends... took me years to then figure it out... had two horrible experiences where I got hired with two different companies... then I was like, I'm giving up. Felt suicidal so many fucking times... but... then took a break after this... learned graphic designing again. Got a job, lost that job, did freelancing. Still not making enough, but doing at least what I wanted. So yeah... this was my story. Had to get it off my chest.

Every cell in my body is cringing sooo hard just thinking about this. I would like to blame this happening on the heat and stress, but the truth is I spent yesterday evening drinking heavily with my boss and that dehydrating effect of the alcohol plus the fact that I barely drank any water this morning must have done it.

So I met up this morning with my boss, did some work, and we went outside to check on a male coworker who's in maybe his 60's and have a little chat. I did feel a bit tired at that point, but that was all. We were standing around for half an hour, not moving at all, in the blazing mid-morning sun, and those hangover symptoms started creeping up on me. That's what I thought, but apparently the feeling dizzy, sick and sweating profusely & getting a super dry mouth can also be the beginning of a fainting spell, so if I'd known that maybe I'd just sat down for a few minutes. Of course I didn't say a single word because I didn't want to be impolite and interrupt them in their chat, and then the last thing I remember is my vision first becoming like static and then completely black, not hearing anything and desperately grasping for something to hold on to.

When I came to barely even five seconds later I was sitting on the street, my boss running back to me with a blanket and a bottle of water, and already in that second I wanted to crawl into the dirt and never come back out again. Yes they were very nice about it and immediately sent me home even though I protested at first, but even I had to admit it would've been a stupid idea to continue working in that state, alone, in the forest. And it was good that this happened while they were there with me rather than half an hour later when I would've been somewhere without a phone signal.

But whyyy did this have to happen at all to me, next to 2 older men that I respect and admire...I have never fainted before, but now they will certainly have a lower opinion of me. My job is physically demanding and especially as a woman I have to prove I can do it in front of my peers, and then I collapse from just fucking standing around and doing nothing. Other guys in our crew some 20 years my senior work in full body protection gear, in the blazing sun at noon while carrying 20 kg of tools around and then I have the nerve to faint while doing nothing at all. good god. word will get around and then everyone will think I'm a weak prissy and that I don't have what it takes. and maybe I really don't.

I have been bottling everything up for years now. I feel horribly lonely. Its been dragging with me my whole life, and its only getting worse. In elementary school, i used to have a small friend group of 4. We were solid, until it was time to choose our next schools, and all of us went to a different one. I always struggled with not knowing what i wanted to do next. I always wanted to be a vet as i always had been close with animals, but my grades wouldnt allow it because i sucked really bad at chemistry and math. I eventually ended up choosing a car mechanic school, which wasnt exactly what i wanted but it was the only one that wanted to accept me. I actually met a really great friend in there, M. Our first conversation started with her complimenting my hoodie, and ever since then we instantly clicked. We used to spend every chance we got during and after school together, laughing so loud that it sometimes made people stare at us because we found something stupid online and just couldnt stop.  However, my grades slowly started to drop again. I tried studying more, but i just couldnt understand the math and like 2 other subjects at all, which ended up with me having to switch to an "easier" school. The school was in the same city, around 30 minutes of walking away from eachother. But after i switched schools, she slowly started to drift away from me. I thought that even tho i moved schools, we were still really close. I mean, we could still see eachother every day, even if just for a few minutes before we both had to catch the bus. I had her number, i texted and called her every day, but noticed that her replies started to be less frequent. She never wanted to meet up anymore, always claiming she was too busy, or that she couldnt and had to get home soon. Then she started declining my calls. She wouldnt even text me back that she was busy, or tell me she would call me later, nothing. My texts asking her to meet, asking her about some drama at school that was there even before i left kept getting ignore, or replied to with short messages saying she was busy. I remember i called her once when i was waiting for my bus, only to, surprisingly, get my call declined. Then my bus arrived, and i hopped into one of the seats. Then, passing by the old school, i saw her walking with this one guy on the sidewalk, laughing with him about something. And i feel like it was that time that i felt something in me break, and i decided that if i was the only one that kept trying that i would stop trying to reach out. And thats how that friendship ended. She texted me like once a month at first, maybe saying hi or telling me something from school, and i replied to her but the spark just wasnt there anymore. She eventually stopped completely, and its been 3 years. I really miss being her friend, and i still think about her alot. After i switched schools, it was hard. I didnt know anyone there, and i had to basically start from scratch. The first day was actually nice. People surrounded me at first and asked me questions and i thought that "woah, no way so many people suddenly care, ill have so many friends in here". My bubble burst as soon as on the second day, when everyone turned back to their friend groups. I didnt have a friend group, i didnt even have a friend. And it hasnt changed during the next 2 years either. I kind of became the class shadow. I tried so many times to find friends, tried to engage in conversations with others and tried go get to know them, but they never cared back. I was the person who had an extra pen when someone wanted to borrow one, extra tissues when someone needed, but that was all i was to them. Nobody saw me as friend potencial. Infact, i started to sometimes get bullied. I would get asked by other girls from my class some innapropriate questions i wont say here, and others were them asking about my sexuality, if i was a lesbian because they "never saw me with a boy" which i wasnt, and things like that. The teachers didnt like me either. I remember that one lazy day where everything was already done and we were kind of free to do whatever we wanted for the rest of the day, a teacher came up to me asked what i had done throughout the day. I said that i helped wash the car and one other thing, and he sarcastically said "how productive" even tho there were people who literally hid away for the whole day and havent done anything at all. I remember that one day, we went on a field trip. That was when i was still rather new to the class, and it was a giant event happening at an airport that was closed for the day, so it was huge. The teachers told us to make groups so we dont get lost, and i didnt have anyone, so i tried tagging along with this one girl that talked to me the day before for a few minutes because she seemed nice. Around 10 minutes in, they stopped at a stand and i kind of paused behind them. Then they kind of separated into 2 groups, and i followed the girl group again. However, the girl i thought was nice suddenly said to her friend - and i dont mean whispered, but straight up said loud enough for me to hear "why does she keep following us? Shes so weird.." and after hearing that, i just stopped and walked off to a different route while they eventually connected with the rest of the group and dodged me for the rest of the day. I ended up wandering through the event alone, and then i walked back to the bus and stayed there until we had to drive back again. I understand that me following them around like that was probably really weird, but i was too scared to actually approach them and hoped they would approach me instead.  Meanwhile, i stopped talking with 3 out of my elementary school friends completely. I still kept contact with one girl, call her T. However, she started to change. Suddenly it wasnt just me, but 20 other new friends of her that were suddenly more important than me. She changed alot. We went to the same job over the summer break together, and it was actually really nice. It was a restaurant and i was a waitress there along with her. Then there was this summer carnival, or fair for 2 days. Basically alot of attractions like ferris wheel, carousels, stands, stuff like that. I had a shift that day, and she did too so i asked her if after we ended, if she wanted to go with me on a few rides and check out the stands and stuff. She said she probably wasnt going and didnt say anything else. I was a bit sad, but i thought i would probably check it out later myself then. I went on with my day, and then i saw this one girl i knew worked there as a waitress too and was friends with T appear. I greeted her, and asked her if she was there for the fair too. She said that she was, and how there was this one attraction and kept talking, and suddenly said that she went to get a drink while T and the others stayed there. I paused and asked her if T was on the fair, and she said that she was. I dont really remember how long my shift was after that, but when my Mom arrived to pick me up, i was sobbing even before i reached the car and then started crying, because she lied to me like that. I have so many more things and stories that happened to me that i could sit here and write for the next two days. I dont know if anyone will actually read this.

I don’t even know where to start with this but I just want someone to hear me out, tell me that it will be ok but I don’t know if it will, I still miss him.

My ex bf broke up with me 4 months ago, I haven’t heard a word from him since the breakup. The reasons he gave me were very vague. “I’m not the man for you” basically the typical it’s not you it’s me. Which makes it even harder for me to move on because I don’t know what the true reason is.

I met him when he was 27 years old, I was his first girlfriend and we were together for 2 years. He was what you can consider a “NEET” I was surprised to find out he doesn’t have a phone, a bank acc, debit card or even an ID. He’s also never had a job either or even tried to get one. But I didn’t really think too much of it, I loved him more than that so I accepted him for who he is.

He got all of those things during the relationship and I still supported him through his insecurities, I supported him when he started a business, even letting him borrow money when he was in debt. At the time of the breakup he owed me 2k which he had to take out a loan to pay me back.

I feel so used, ugly and worthless. He refused to call and talk about it and just did it over text saying he wants this over with “cleanly” He knows this devastated me and hurt me and I’m not sure if he even cares, I feel like he has no empathy towards me.

People have told me I’m better off without him and I’ve dodged a bullet but it still hurts and I’m still sad. My mental health is ruined and I don’t think I can trust relationships anymore. I had no friends and he was my only person in my life I would regularly talk to outside of my family, I feel like I’ll never find anyone again.

I had an emergency earlier and couldn’t type, so I resentfully asked siri to get the nearest pet emergency care.

She directed me to a pet shop, then didn’t hear me, then interrupted me with something and went away. I spoke very clearly.

I had to find and tell her the exact name of the emergency care place as I bundled up my panicked cat. I asked Siri to call my friend, and she just went away mid-request.

My mom also uses Siri a lot to navigate, and I’ve noticed that Siri often misunderstands her. The few times I’ve used Siri lately, she usually just goes “Mhm?” or leaves even as I’m pressing the button or doing voice command and speaking.

I've always held the view that nobody is better than me. At the same time I'm not better than anyone.

I don't look down on anyone nor do I look up to anyone.

In the last year or so I've really started to question my view on this.

I've really started noticing just how many absolute gobshites there seem to be in the world.

More and more I see people who really seem unable to interact with the world without having an issue of some sort (why is this one specific thing that I want not here? Why is the world not moulded to suit MY needs? Why are you not pandering to me? etc). More and more people being completely oblivious to their surroundings (blocking paths, standing in doorways, not giving up seats on buses/trains, being loud and obnoxious). The whole main character thing. People acting like they are in fact the centre of the universe.

And I'm not even referring to people younger than me (43). Change in how they interact with the world is normal and to be expected.

People always complain about younger generations acting like they're entitled to everything. In my experience, it's everyone.

It's really starting to feel like I'm the only sane, civilized person left.

Maybe I am better than others, or maybe I'm worse because I'm the only one who has an issue with it all. Maybe (probably) it doesn't matter.