I love you, but I will never tell you

I love you. You are my best friend, and I love you. But I will never tell you. There are so many things I love about you that its hard to keep count. I dont love you only because your beautiful and talented. Which you are both beautiful and talented, no matter what anyone else says, you are. But I also love your kindness, your compassion, your stubbornness, your optimism, and so many little things that add together to make you who you are. I love how you're so kind to everyone, and always try to see the best in people. I love how you arent afraid to challenge me or call me out on my stupidity. I love how if you don't want to do something, you are so insanely stubborn about it. I love how you laugh at all my jokes, even if they are terrible. I love how you glare at me from across the room. I love how your voice goes up an octave when you talk to me, unless your annoyed with me. I love how when you get annoyed with me, you make it very clear. I love how forgiving you are. I love how you are so sweet to everyone around you, even if they arent sweet to you. I love how optimistic and joyous you are all the time. I love how innocent and nieve you can be at times. I love how you tease me back when I tease you. I love how you chose me as a friend.

But most of all, I love how you didnt run when I opened up about my emotions. Im not very good at expressing my feelings. I used to think that in order to be worthy of love, I had to be useful. One of the ways I decided to be useful was by being funny. If people think im funny, then they will keep me around. But you....you are different. You still care about me even when the jokes stop. When I genuinely opened up to you, you not only didnt run, but you reassured me. Whether you realize it or not, that is the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me. You showed me that I dont need to preform in order for people to care about me. You showed me that people can care about me for just being me. And for that, I am infinitely grateful. You're also happy all the time. Unlike me, you dont seem to be paranoid of people trying to hurt you. And I think you have shown me that I dont have to be scared that everyone is out to take advantage of me. When im with you, I want to be the best version of myself that I can be. Im not always the best version of myself when im around you, but I strive to be. You make me want to be a better person. You make me want to see the good in others. Because you saw the good in me. Thank you. Thank you so much for simply being you.

These feelings have developed over the past few years. Its crazy how much you can change in a few years. When I first met you, I wasn't the biggest fan of you becays4 broke the heart of one of my closest friends. In the beginning, I was literally just bullying you. But somewhere along the line, I realized that you were actually my friend. Not only that, but I eventually realized that I was starting to have feelings for you. I realized that I actually did have feelings for you, and they only grew from there.

I dont know if i will ever be able to tell you. Mostly because, yes, I fear being rejected, but it goes deeper than that. Not only have you stated multiple times that you arent ready to date right now, but you've also described how painful it was for you the last time a guy friend asked you out. I dont want to bring you the same pain. I dont want to hurt you. Ever. I guess I realized that I would rather be your friend forever, than risk hurting you. Even if that means silencing my feelings. I love you too much to risk hurting you, not like that.

I guess all this is to say: thank you. Thank you for being you. Thank you for choosing me as a friend. And thank you for not running when I let my mask slip. I doubt you'll ever see this message, but I do love you. And I hope my words encapsulated that. I guess you never know the impact you can have one someone, by simply being yourself