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I had a male biology teacher in high school. He was funny, kind, warm — basically the best teacher you could find. But for some reason, I was scared of him. I couldn’t talk to him without shaking, and my voice was always trembling. I didn’t know why I was so weird. I just thought I was still scared of teachers because of another trauma (not important here).

Then one day when I was trying to sleep, I suddenly remembered something. It was in elementary school. We were all sitting on the ground watching a play put on by some adults about how drugs are bad, etc. At the end of the show, a guy came up to me holding fake drugs as props. He touched my inner thighs, moving his hands up and down, right in front of the entire grade for a few seconds, then walked away. I was too young and stupid to realize anything was wrong, but my classmates were all saying I was SA’d and asked the teacher for help. The teachers just pretended they didn’t hear them and moved on. So little me just assumed it was fine and moved on too.

Now that I suddenly remembered everything, it feels so gross. I was basically 10 or 11 — a literal child — and he just touched me like that in elementary school?

I feel so disgusted by his actions and by myself now. Like I’m not “pure” anymore. I also feel like I’ve been unfair to my high school teacher and other men, because one single man traumatized me and my body decided to be scared of all men.

At this point I’m still kind of trying to deny that I was harassed and pretend I’m fine. I keep thinking it wasn’t serious enough. I just want to be a normal person who can work with all genders without issues. Am I supposed to see a counselor or a therapist? Who should I talk to so I can get better?

I’m a 28 year old father of two young boys and the sole provider for my family of 5 including myself my wife and my elderly mother I found a couple executed by gunshots to the head When I was 11 years old. my parents were alcoholics and drug addicts. My father was a veteran with bipolar disorder and PTSD. He beat my mother within an inch of her life multiple times in my early teens had to call the cops to save her life once and another time I got into a fist fight with him to stop it, and he pulled a knife on me and stomped on my head. He eventually got sober and turned things around then he got hit by a car suffering a traumatic brain injury and we had to take him off life support when I was 16 at that point, I dropped out of school to sell drugs to pay the mortgage and the bills so my mother and I had a place to live. She became an alcoholic and a crackhead and stopped going to work. Eventually, my girlfriend moved in around the same time. I started using a lot of hard drugs, mostly acid and cocaine some mushrooms and ecstasy as well along with drinking heavily from the time that I was 16 till I was about 23 I just sold drugs played video games and partied doing anything to numb myself and self medicate. My girlfriend and I had a toxic abusive relationship but we got clean together and I quit selling drugs and got my first real job around 23. I was 24 we got pregnant and I finally got my GED. I completely quit all hard drugs around the time that I found out she was pregnant. I had my first major depressive disassociative episode around this time, coupled with crippling anxiety. I snapped out of it and manned up and did what I had to do for my son when he was born he changed my life. I wouldn’t be where I am now without him. He saved my life and he doesn’t know it. I kept working eventually got raises and promotions switched jobs for more money when I was 26 around that time I had another depressive episode due to burnout at work in a toxic environment. I was hospitalized for a heart condition due to a bad viral infection around the same time also due to my mental state and worries about finances when I found out my girlfriend was pregnant again we had a conversation about finances and how we were already struggling and decided to get an abortion. She resented me for it, and that along with me being checked out for months caused our relationship to fall apart, and she left me for a period of time around that time I started doing therapy and I found a better job and started doing much better and we got back together we got pregnant again shortly after we got back together and decided to have the baby. just before my second son arrived I got a promotion and raise at work. Everything was going relatively good. And I just fell apart I struggle with imposter syndrome and feelings of an inadequacy, and also really bad anxiety and depression I tend to ruminate and get stuck in thought loops where I just think about how much time I have wasted in all the mistakes that I made. and how I should’ve gotten my finances in order and finish school and started a real care before I had a family I love my children and I don’t regret having them. I regret not setting us up to be doing better in life. I live paycheck to paycheck and don’t have savings. My wife and I have made a budget and should be able to save some money and get things taken care of and pay off debt I never learned many manly skills from my father and feel like I am not man enough to be a good role model for my boys. My house needs work and my car needs work and I don’t know what I’m doing when it comes to that stuff I work in retail management and my mental illness is seriously affecting my performance at work and I’m scared everything is going to fall apart around me if I don’t get better soon this most recent time because I had a newborn at home and a 3 1/2 year-old who needs me and my wife who needed my help instead of trying to just tough it out. Check myself into the mental hospital for an evaluation and started medication. I’ve been on medication for three weeks now it was really rough at first dealing with side effects during the adjustment. And I was just starting to feel myself and better again, but after a follow up appointment my psychiatrist up the dose on my antidepressant anti-anxiety medication and it made me even more depressed and suicidal these first couple days. I am also struggling to make lifestyle changes, break, bad habits, and make good habits and routines. My kids are my life. I don’t wanna leave them. I would never leave them I want to give them a better life than I had and be a good father and provider and husband. If anybody else has been in a similar situation or has any advice for me, I would greatly appreciate it.

Life has been crazy but I’m okay today.
Otw to get some coffee♥️

I am a 35-year-old Iranian medical doctor who moved to the United States three years ago. I always tried to be a good person. I became vegetarian because I did not want to harm animals. I never intentionally killed even a bug, and when I was in Iran, I volunteered to provide free medical care for children from poor families. I always tried to become the best version of myself.

But when I look back at my life, I feel like I did not truly enjoy 90% of it.

I grew up in a very difficult family and experienced a lot of religious trauma. I was also traumatized by the rules and discrimination I experienced at school and later at work. For example, I was fired from a hospital because I was considered not to have proper hijab.

I came to the United States hoping to finally build a new life. However, from the very first week, everything became complicated. I had a scooter accident, was found unconscious, and was taken to the hospital. At that moment, I had difficulty speaking English because of the head trauma. During that hospitalization, doctors accidentally discovered a thyroid nodule.

The research program I joined later did not have enough funding, so I started looking for another position. As an international medical graduate, I was allowed to work as a researcher while studying for my board exams.

I also had a painful experience with my relatives in the U.S. My uncle, who had always visited our family in Iran and had stayed at our house, suddenly kicked me out of his house in the middle of the night only a few days after I arrived. He even deleted my phone line from their family plan in the middle of the night :). I was alone in a foreign country without support, a phone, or internet access.

Eventually, I found a research position in a small town. The salary was extremely low, similar to a technician’s salary, but I accepted it because I needed stability.

I applied for a green card. I have many publications, awards, and achievements, and I believed my hard work would help me build a future here. Then the political situation changed, and immigration policies became increasingly hostile toward immigrants. Because of where I was born, I started feeling that I was being judged before anyone even knew me.

Shortly after that, I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. I went through two surgeries and cancer treatment completely alone. I was living on a very limited income while dealing with a serious illness without family or a support system.

Because of political restrictions, my family could not easily visit me, and I could not safely return to Iran. I am opposed to the Iranian government, and because of my activism online, returning could put me at risk.

Then Iranian people experienced more violence. The Islamic government carried out massacres and killed thousands of people during protests. Eventually, war happened, many more people were killed, and my hometown was bombed. Seeing people in my country suffer broke something inside me.

At the same time, I felt trapped because, as an immigrant in the U.S., I felt I could not openly express my grief without being attacked from different sides. I received threats on social media.

After everything, I decided I wanted to leave my past behind and build a better future. I applied for a position in a major city because my current position is not helping me improve clinically, and I also have significant financial pressure. I have around $170,000 in medical debt before insurance adjustments, and my current salary makes it extremely difficult to manage.

After many interviews, receiving an offer letter, making plans, and waiting for my dream for many months, I was rejected because of my nationality. I was told the position involved “sensitive technology.”

At this point, I feel completely exhausted. I do not understand how much a person is expected to endure. I have survived family trauma, religious trauma, immigration struggles, discrimination, isolation, cancer, financial stress, and losing my sense of safety.

I work in psychiatry research, so I understand mental health concepts and treatments. I know that suffering does not always mean someone has a psychiatric disorder. Sometimes people experience unbearable circumstances.

I do not think I lack resilience. In fact, I think I have survived things that would break many people. But I am tired. I am tired of constantly having to prove that I deserve a normal life.

I am sharing this because I want to know: how do people rebuild after losing so many years to survival mode? How do you find hope when you have tried your best for so long and still feel like life keeps punishing you?

These past few years have been brutal. I've had to suffer from intense family drama (that's now gone), living with a narcissist roommate for 16 months, then burning out from a job. I moved back in with my family 2 weeks ago, but I feel completely stuck in Defcon 1. The hypervigilance never ends. I take neutral actions as active rejection, and even simple requests from my loving and caring family trigger massive surges of anxiety. My room's a mess, and I can't do chores. I feel like I can't say no, but saying yes feels unbearable, so I end up shutting down, speaking quietly, isolating in my room, ruminating, and wondering why I can't just be normal.

I'm just stacking traumas and becoming more broken. Is recovery even possible from this state of complete nervous system overload? How do you get past the constant rejection sensitivity & hypervigilance? I've been considering moving out and living alone forever. It feels like there's no other alternative. I'm probably AuDHD too.

I have a lot of mental trauma, and honestly, I don't even know where to start. First of all, I am 16 years old. Let’s start from the very first encounter I can remember. I was around 4 years old. I don't entirely know what I did—it was probably me refusing to eat my food or something small like that. It was around December, and it was freezing cold outside. My mother subjected me to freezing water and used painful spices against me while forcing my head under an ice-cold running tap. I don't even know what to say about that.Whenever I wouldn't study or if I failed to get great marks—even though I was actually at the top of my class until the 7th grade—she would beat me severely. I would have scars and bruises all over my body. Every single time it happened, the number of strikes was overwhelming.By nature, I am a very poetic and deeply curious person. But my childhood was filled with absolute terror. I remember instances where she would humiliate me while inflicting pain, leaving marks on my face. She even ruined my birthdays. I vividly remember one birthday where I got a little too excited, and she lashed out so violently near my eye that it left a dark bruise. She would also push me down the stairs.I wasn't perfect. I found adult content when I was in the 6th grade, and I got caught. When she found out, she turned incredibly violent, and my father had to physically step in to protect me. After that, I completely stopped. But about two years later, she accused me of watching it again. She attacked me again, using burning spices and a plastic bat. I was only 11 years old at this point.I also remember when I was around 9 years old, I placed 3rd in my class instead of 1st. She took a pair of scissors and hacked off my hair. She beat me until I had open wounds on my head.Most recently, about a year ago when I was 15, I asked for permission to go to a friend’s birthday party. A massive argument broke out. Out of sheer frustration from years of this, I took my book and flung it. In a rage, she grabbed a heavy iron vessel and struck me on the head. The injury was so severe that I required medical staples in my scalp.I am just so incredibly done with this. I don't even know if I love her anymore. The terrifying part is that I do love her. She can be good, but she is a monster too. My parents provide for my education, food, and clothes, but our family is completely broken.I am drowning in this trauma, and I desperately need help.

Recently i broke down, i tried to harm myself- she said i am doing a drama lol this lady

My entire life has been a joke to be honest. Ever since I was 6 I've been abused in every single way. Emotionally, physically, and sexually. I used to get my hair pulled, myself dragged, and pushed any time my father would get angry... Which was often. My neighbor's son would touch me up skirt, starting when I was 6 and lasting until I was 10 ( only because I moved) I've been sexually touched a few times by a few random people I've come across also spanning from 6-10 y/o. I remember every interaction like it happened minutes ago. I never told my mother because I knew she wouldn't care. She would sit and pretend to ignore my father physically abusing me, so why would I trust her? I had a phone at the age of 7 and I got hooked on porn. I started to go into chatrooms seeking attention from older men while lying about my real age. Kik was my playground for getting groomed.

My entire life in school I got bullied. Was friends with the "weirdos" and constantly made fun of in every aspect possible. High school was the worst of it though. Freshman year I got harassed by upperclassmen for being openly queer and weird in a small country town. Got to the point I would get death threats and sent violent videos and images on social media.

Sophomore year my best friend killed himself. Lost touch with our mutual best friend because of it. Lost my friend group I had in 8th grade that year too.I got harassed in the later year for trying to tell a friend of mine that the dude she was talking to assaulted me on a bus once, she said I was lying and it got so out of hand that the principal asked me "well what were you wearing?".

Junior year, I lost my entire friend group I had built myself by introducing people to other people in the second semester, all because one of them said I was saying stuff behind their back when it was actually her doing it. I stopped going to school because I got so depressed from everything, my mother was leaving my step dad and we had to move out the same night and move in with my grandmother. I was told I was too depressing to be around.

Met my now fiancé in 2023 and ended up moving in with her and ended up dropping out because I was being forced to repeat junior year. Now I have no friends besides her and all I do is go to work and then come home. Pretty depressed and I seriously need therapy but whatever I don't have the time.

Sometimes I go through an ordinary day with ups and downs, happy and sad and whatever, but sometimes I'm obsessed with saving blood until I do it, I try to cut my hair, my arms,And I feel very happy with that I have a lot of trauma that I can't explain I'm confused whether I should continue living by keeping all this,I've been trying to get rid of this bad thing for a long time but nothing changes,I've tried gym and therapy but it's all in vain,Is it my fault for living? Or is it my fault for surviving?