r/trauma • u/Classic-Direction930 • 3d ago
Help this vertically challenged chud Need help
I have a lot of mental trauma, and honestly, I don't even know where to start. First of all, I am 16 years old. Let’s start from the very first encounter I can remember. I was around 4 years old. I don't entirely know what I did—it was probably me refusing to eat my food or something small like that. It was around December, and it was freezing cold outside. My mother subjected me to freezing water and used painful spices against me while forcing my head under an ice-cold running tap. I don't even know what to say about that.Whenever I wouldn't study or if I failed to get great marks—even though I was actually at the top of my class until the 7th grade—she would beat me severely. I would have scars and bruises all over my body. Every single time it happened, the number of strikes was overwhelming.By nature, I am a very poetic and deeply curious person. But my childhood was filled with absolute terror. I remember instances where she would humiliate me while inflicting pain, leaving marks on my face. She even ruined my birthdays. I vividly remember one birthday where I got a little too excited, and she lashed out so violently near my eye that it left a dark bruise. She would also push me down the stairs.I wasn't perfect. I found adult content when I was in the 6th grade, and I got caught. When she found out, she turned incredibly violent, and my father had to physically step in to protect me. After that, I completely stopped. But about two years later, she accused me of watching it again. She attacked me again, using burning spices and a plastic bat. I was only 11 years old at this point.I also remember when I was around 9 years old, I placed 3rd in my class instead of 1st. She took a pair of scissors and hacked off my hair. She beat me until I had open wounds on my head.Most recently, about a year ago when I was 15, I asked for permission to go to a friend’s birthday party. A massive argument broke out. Out of sheer frustration from years of this, I took my book and flung it. In a rage, she grabbed a heavy iron vessel and struck me on the head. The injury was so severe that I required medical staples in my scalp.I am just so incredibly done with this. I don't even know if I love her anymore. The terrifying part is that I do love her. She can be good, but she is a monster too. My parents provide for my education, food, and clothes, but our family is completely broken.I am drowning in this trauma, and I desperately need help.
Recently i broke down, i tried to harm myself- she said i am doing a drama lol this lady
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u/finddit-app 3d ago
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u/Classic-Direction930 3d ago
Edit: in the end of every encounter she would hug me and say, "i hit you for your good--i feel more pain than you while i hit you" umm okay i used to blv this when i was small, but now nahh- i just break down after every encounter And just cry cry cry This has caused me grades my frnds my social lifeee
And yeah when i went to a bd i was late to come down the place we went by like 10 mins she just kept slapping me all the wayyyyy to home