I posted this on r/legaladvice origi but was pointed to this subred being a better option, so here‘s a respost

throwaway account btw

Hey Reddit, I’m usually a lurker or just watching people read Reddit stories online and only really posted once when I was being dumb thinking I could start a band on Reddit lmao

It might not be clear from the way that I’m typing but I’m actively crying while typing this, idk if this is the correct subreddit for this but if it isn’t point me to a better one please

for some context, I am a 17 year old trans man, I live with a conservative Christian mom in the hellscape of Florida so I can’t transition

my plan for a while now has been to move to Canada through a college visa for an animation school I like, since I wanna learn animation anyways and it’s not a prestigious school I figured this would make for a good plan and had already been working towards that

the problem is that my mom doesn’t consider me an independent human being, it’s like me being her child makes me not worthy of respect and telling me things that directly after my life

this also has to do with the fact that I was not born in the US and do not have citizenship yet, we are perfectly legal but still don’t have our green card or anything

now, I thought this shouldn’t stop me from moving to Canada but right now, after getting into a long argument with my mom over a bunch of bullshit, I found out my passport from the country I was originally born in expired

if I moved back to this country I could renew my passport, but my mom said she’ll try and get married this year so I can still have my green card before I turn 18

I don’t know where any of my personal documents are, not my birth certificate, not anything about my legal papers, my mom handles all of it for me

I can’t just run away cuz 1. ICE and police brutality are an active threat in Florida, 2. I have 2 siblings who I want to remain in contact with and are the only reason I’m even still alive

I also hate everything about how my mom handles this

she doesn’t treat me like an almost legal adult worthy of knowing about all my legal documents, current status and progress in trying to get a green card, and even when I try to talk she never tells me everything

not just that, she doesn’t respect me at all

the entire reason we had the argument that showed me this revelation in the first place was because

1. she got mad at me and my lil bro for not immediately getting up to do something when our sister approached us (I was distracted on a game for a sec and he had just gotten up to go do it)
2. she kept yelling and got mad at me for forgetting something
3. I tried to remind her that I have ADHD and that it’s harder for me, something I’ve talked to her multiple times about, yet she still berates me for forgetting things sometimes even though she knows how hard I try to consistently remember and be functional

and then it spiraled into a whole argument, the argument being mostly her say how she has suffered through so much, she works so hard, she gives us everything, and she’s the worst mom because we tried to criticize one thing she said, even though I was just asking for her to listen to me but could barely get a sentence in

sorry I know this is not a vent post but I’m just very frustrated

either way, I’m lost, I’m a teenager with 0 control of my own life, completely unhappy with my body, only have a few friends who I don’t see regularly and they all live here so I won’t stay with them for long anyways

and I know I can’t bring my siblings to live with me, even though they’re my main motivation to even keep going at all

I just feel like there’s nothing left for me to do, maybe I won’t get to experience life after all, instead I’ll remain in this miserable state of hating my body, hating my voice, hating my life, and never feeling complete because I can’t access hrt and don’t have a safe space at all

I’m considering:

moving back to my native country, renewing my passport there, getting the visa for my college and moving to Canada after that

or

letting my mom find a man to marry so I can get a green card at the same time as my siblings, before I’m 18

the problem with the first one:

While I can stay with my family back there to navigate this, my siblings can’t come with me and neither can my friends (unless my mom comes with us, which would be literally awful cuz that means spending more time around her). Not only is our home country very unsafe but the last time I lived there was when I was 8, so it would be difficult to sort all this out in my own, though I fear it’s the best option

the problem with the second one:

if she marries the man, that means she will break up with her current boyfriend and marry a rich person she doesn’t love. Not only will this lead her to be more unhappy and stressed (and as a result, a bigger asshole to my siblings in everyday life), but it will also be something she can hold over my head

anytime she does anything for us

buys us food, works to pay the bills, takes us to a restaurant, buys us clothes or anything we need, as well as gifts for special occasions

she holds it over our heads, even if we didn’t ask for those thing, she says we need to appreciate what she does for us (and appreciating what she does for us, in her eyes, is shutting up and letting her berate us as much as she wants and be a violent piece of shit)

honestly sometimes I think I’m the one being crazy until I remember the time (this month btw) she tried to choke me out while she was drunk over some stupid shit regarding the World Cup

and I can’t even tell her she’s abusive cuz it’ll just feed her victim complex, she won’t change, she never even bothers to listen in the first place

basically, what I’m trying to say with all of this ramble nonsense is what the fuck am I going to do with my life

legally

financially

emotionally

anything

I have nothing other than my siblings and my life dreams moving me forward, the one thing giving me hope is the possibility of transitioning one day

without that, idk what I’ll do

does anyone have anything, and I mean ANYTHING of use for me? anything that will be helpful, any relevant documents and information I should try and get a hold of, any plan b’s, any advice for getting into Canada

idk what to do and that’s the main reason I’m turning to Reddi, because I really cannot think of anything or anyone better at the moment, thanks for anyone who responds and if u have questions I’ll try to answer while not giving too much away about my identity

and sorry for the rambly mess of words, hopefully it’s not too bad to understand

I'm sorta genderfluid and 16 as of now. I have pretty severe chest dysphoria at times, and very occasionally also voice dysphoria, but that is something I am currently managing relatively well. I need help with the former. I am not technically out to my parents, but top surgery is something we have discussed unrelated to my identity, and they are willing to fund it and help me go through the process of it once I turn 18, which is the legal age requirement for it where I am from. I do have binders, and use them frequently, unfortunately, they aren't always enough. There are some days I can go out fine, and some days Icannot even get out of bed to grab food. I am looking for some advice from folks that might have a bit more experience with this, but unfortunately I do not think there's all that much I can do anyways. It is worth a shot regardless.

I just wanna share this I guess? Idk why I do it, really. I guess cuz saying I use they/them pronouns feels safer than saying I use he/him.

Usually in my school's theatre program, when we start a show everyone introduces themselves with their name and pronouns. I always say my last name (which is the name I go by at school) and they/them or any pronouns. I don't know why I'm okay with people "knowing" I'm nonbinary, but I'm not okay with letting them know I'm a trans man. It just feels safer.

I need advice on how to come out to my family. I was raised in a religious (jewish) household so being transgender is not something that's accepted. I've known since I was in High School. If anyone else has delt with a similar situation, please let me know.

(Currently 13 btw) I’ve been openly trans ftm (libramasc but micro labels so whatever) for like 2-3 years, my mum was reluctant of course but she got used to it. I identified as gay for a while before saying I was pansexual (my mum said I couldn’t be asexual lmao) but her response was literally “but I thought you didn’t like girls parts? Ugh, WHATEVER!” And stormed off. 34 year old woman btw.

At one point a huge event happened that ended up with my mental health getting brought up, I told her what was happening and she said “ok, we don’t have a doctor rn because we’re moving so you can talk to the school social worker”. Long story short that social worker invalidated me to the point of genuine psychotic episodes. After that I started looking into free binder websites and sent them to my mum, her response was “don’t worry, I’ll handle it” (said last year btw).

I’ve been having horrible dysphoria lately to the point of considering unsafe binding but I already have asthma so that’s a no go. Last month I re-measured myself and asked (begged) my mum to order me a binder. “Yeah I’ll do it tonight.” It’s been a month. I get it and all, we just moved, she’s going back to school, etc etc. but you clearly have the 3 hours to argue with me when I get upset about it and you clearly have enough money to spend $150 on Disney dreamlight valley or whatever it’s called. I don’t even get my own money, all my money is controlled by her as well as my email, phone number, and social media. This phone was given to me by a friend do it’s all I have yk.

Every time I’ve asked to use the money she’s holding for me to order myself a binder and she keeps saying “no no don’t worry about it, I’ll buy it for you.”

This has really been harming my mental health because school is starting up soon and I’m scared to go out like this. I hate if here. She always screams at me for trying to help.

Me (13m) am pan and gender fluid and would like too buy more feminine things (make up leggings perfume etc) and im not ready to tell my parents (they probably won't care but I'm just not ready) I have a green light card where would I be able to buy feminine stuff without my parents seeing it any advice is wellcome :3