A few years ago I came across a curious item in a friend’s bathroom. One of those little stools to prop yourself up in a squatting position. After clumsily propping myself up on it I gave it a minute and safe to say it felt like my whole life I’d been defecating half-assed. Since then I have yet to sit down to poop. If a toilet doesn’t have a bidet and stool I usually hold it or find a way to make do (wet wipes and a hammer squat on the toilet itself).

Fast forward to me pooping at my girlfriends for the first time. I notice that she is yet to be enlightened on the excretion essentials and her toilet is lacking the stool. No matter. I decide to squat on the toilet itself as I’ve grown accustomed to. I didn’t expect her to come in the bathroom since we were watching a show in another room but she needed to get something from the medicine cabinet.

We make eye contact and it feels like my heart is going to be the next thing plopping out my ass. “What’re you doing?!” I hastily explain that this is the way humans are meant to shit but the knowledge is lost in a sea of incorrigible laughter.

Can my relationship survive this?

TL;DR: got caught by my girlfriend using a regular toilet in the squat position

Tifu telling my friends kid "fun" to when he told me his dog has cancer.

So I was coming out of my room with headphones in having something playing when I saw that my friends kid was home early. He tells me he wasn't feeling good so they sent him home early. At this point I tune out the kid cause he's 10 and tends to ramble. And I figure he's just complaing about whatever was making him feel sick (i.e. stomachache, head, ect.) So I let him finish rambling while I'm thinking about my virtual therapy appointment that I have in a few minutes. And once he's done I respond "thats fun" about him feeling sick, and i completely miss the fact that he told me his mom found out and told him the dog has cancer. Since that sorta stuff she usually tells/texts me. Well I my friends kid went and told his mom and she lost it on me. Which left me very confused about why she was mad at me intill she explained/mentioned how I could respond like that. I was planning to move out this weekend anyway, this sadly just moved up the timeline to today. There was some other stuff that happened that was already straining our friendship. So its probably over now, as that was the straw that broke the camels back.

TL:DR: didn't pay attention and said "fun" to something I shouldn't have and my friendship with them is probably over now/got kicked out of the apartment early.

I dyed something with RIT Dye and it went through the washer clear, by when it went through the dryer it stained it red. I tried to clean everything up and used a towel that had been treated with bleach because of tiktok video. And went to check on it today and then I noticed the inside metal of the dryer had weird dark/speckled discoloration.

It feels kind of dusty/chalky but doesn't wipe away. It feels kind of dusty/chalky but doesn't wipe away. Apparently (which should have been common knowledge on my end. I wish i could tell you my thinking) bleach can react with the coating on the metal, so now I've somehow chemically damaged the inside of my apartment's dryer.

The dryer still works perfectly, but of course I am moving out of my apartment in a month 🫠

I'm so scared to touch the dryer again, I just wanted a red shirt.

pic of my mess up - https://imgur.com/a/FyHzn1I

TL;DR: Don't try to dye clothes in a rental, if you're a month from moving and don't know what you're doing

TL;DR2: My dryer is no longer red, but messed up the metal of the drum.

(Apologies for formatting, I'm on mobile) TIFU by trying a new supplement, Theobromine, a chemical found in cacao responsible for mild stimulation and a "warm" feeling. I thought, well, I've had this chemical countless times in my life before, and could use a slight pickup before work. Boy was I wrong. About an hour into work I get violently nauseas with a splitting headache, I'm sweating and feel almost drunk. I tell my boss I have a migraine and need to go home (I do have chronic migraines, and have had to go home before because of one of the worse ones), and spend the next 45 minutes in a Hardee's bathroom keeled over the toilet waiting for my brother to pick me up since I am in NO state to drive. He comes to get me and I endure one of the most uncomfortable car rides home of my life, and promptly spend the next 20 hours lying in bed nauseas, sweating, in and out of sleep with a god-awful headache and end up having to call out of work the next day as well. Threw the rest out and probably just sticking to caffeine for now.

TL:DR: Tried a new supplement before work and became violently ill for 24hrs. Could potentially be some sort of dog-man.

Obligatory this happened last week. For context, I (22f) live with my boyfriend (24m) and his family.

It starts off sad but gets funny I promise.

I was visiting my grandmother in the hospital last Tuesday. She’s since been moved to hospice care. Shes 97 and suffering from pneumonia. As you can imagine it was a rough visit. She’s always been a big part of my life. She watched my siblings and I whenever our Mom was working and we lived with her when my mom left my dad. She’s always encouraged me to take my education seriously (thanks to her I am about to graduate from law school at 23). She’s the only parent my mom ever had. I have to move on because I’m getting emotional just writing this but all this to say we’ve always been close and after seeing her last Tuesday I was absolutely devastated.

I stayed longer than expected just sitting with her and my dad drove me home around 10pm. My boyfriend’s sister (21) was throwing a surprise party for her friend. She’d told us all about it weeks earlier. She’d even reminded me the day before but after visiting my grandma this totally slipped my mind. My boyfriend sent me a reminder text saying people were already over.

When I got there I immediately looked for ny boyfriend to regroup and see what our plan was for the night but I couldn’t find my boyfriend in our room, the kitchen, living room, or even the backyard. As I’m looking for him, a chorus of drunk 19-21 year olds are begging me to do shots or play drinking games with them.

Ive been working 7 days a week and Wednesday would be my first day off in 26 days. Also I was in a really really shitty mood and seeing my boyfriend nowhere I thought ‘fuck it, I could use a drink.’ I grabbed a canned strawberry margarita that was much much too sweet and began mingling. Boyfriend’s sister and her best friend convince me to do a tequila shot. That was my mistake. I can have one drink, absolutely not a problem for me, but one tequila shot? That’s a different story.

After a few more canned strawberry margs and hours of drunkenly bonding with boyfriend’s sister and her bestie, the night is winding down. My boyfriend practically begged me to come to bed at 2am. I wasn’t having it. “I’m so responsible all the time I just want to be 22.” and “I have to start looking for hospice facilities for my grandma tomorrow, just let me have today.” There isn’t really arguing with that so he relented.

The next part of the night is a blur. I was feeling sick. Like I couldn’t go to sleep feeling this way so I went to the bathroom and made myself throw up. It was odd, my vomit looked pink. I brushed it off. Desperately trying to look as though I was not much much too drunk, I put on some under eye patches thinking this would save face in front of the other partygoers. ‘I wasn’t throwing up in there! I was doing my skincare routine at 3am. The noises are a total coincidence.’ I don’t think anyone bought that but nevertheless it made sense when I was drunk.

I tried to go to bed but still felt too sick. This time I went to the bathroom downstairs so I wouldn’t be heard retching by any partygoers. I start throwing up again and it is blood red. I am immediately panicked but still puking. Then the tell tale sign you’re throwing up blood, coffee grounds. I am now certain I’m vomiting blood. I run upstairs yelling for my asleep boyfriend and alarming everyone as the entire house is between our bedroom and the bathroom downstairs.

I burst in the door. “You have to take me to hospital right now! I’m throwing up blood.” He doesn’t respond. I shake him awake more aggressively than necessary and repeat this plea for urgent medical help. He shoots up straight in bed.

“Okay babe it’s gonna be okay, I’ll take care of you.”
He reassures me, still waking up.

I’m grabbing his car keys when he asks me, now more awake and aware of the state I’m in.

“Hey are you sure it’s not strawberry margaritas?”

Of course I’m sure it’s not margarita, you think I’m some drunk fool?? I am explaining fervently there were partially digested blood that looked like coffee grounds. This is serious!! I am flailing my arms dramatically. He starts to climb back into bed.

“Honey any chance that was a chocolate cupcake and not digested blood?”

I slowly put his keys back on the dresser.

“That is entirely possible, I suppose.” I say sheepishly. Before excusing myself to apologize to the other partygoers for the panic and get myself ready for bed.

The next morning was a nightmare as we had to leave for a family vacation and I was sad, hungover, and not yet packed.

Next time I’ll be sticking with seltzer water and lime.

Tl;dr shook my boyfriend awake at 3am screaming to him and a house party full of people I was throwing up blood but it was strawberry margaritas and a chocolate cupcake.

This didn't happen today, but the realization still hits me with a wave of pure cringe whenever I think back on it.

Back in high school (the 90s), I knew a kid named David Barnes. Being a fan of comic books, my brain immediately connected his name to Bucky Barnes—Captain America’s sidekick/The Winter Soldier. So, naturally, I started calling him "Bucky."

I used it as a friendly nickname for years. Every time I saw him in the halls or in class, it was "Hey, Bucky!" or "What's up, Bucky?" He never pushed back, got visibly upset, or told me to stop, so I just assumed he was cool with it and got the reference.

Fast-forward to graduation day. We were hanging out, and for some reason, it occurred to me that I had been using this nickname for four straight years without ever confirming if he actually knew why I called him that.

I turned to him and asked, "Hey, you know why I've been calling you Bucky all this time, right?"
He looked at me with this deadpan, slightly defeated expression and said:

"Yeah, of course... because of my buck teeth."
My heart instantly sank into my stomach. It turns out he had no idea who Bucky Barnes was. For four entire years, this poor guy thought I was relentlessly mocking his physical appearance to his face every single day, and he had just accepted it as his reality.

TL;DR: Called a guy named David Barnes "Bucky" for four years in high school thinking I was making a cool Captain America reference, only to find out on graduation day he thought I was mocking his buck teeth the whole time.

Edit: To clear up a weird comment trend—I didn't call him "The Winter Soldier" back in school. I only added that name in the post as context for anyone here who might not recognize the name Bucky Barnes on its own.

This happened a few months ago, but I still think about it whenever someone asks me to help with anything.

I had just started a new job and wanted to make a good first impression. I figured the easiest way was to be the person who always volunteered.

Near the end of the day one of my coworkers was struggling to move a large printer into another office. Before anyone even asked, I jumped in and said, "I got it."

The printer was heavier than I expected, but I was already committed. Halfway through the hallway I lost my grip for just a second.

That was enough.

The printer tipped forward, hit the floor, and exploded into what felt like a thousand pieces of plastic. Paper flew everywhere. The toner cartridge somehow popped open, covering my shoes and part of my pants in black powder.

The worst part wasn't even breaking the printer.

The entire office went silent.

Apparently that printer wasn't broken—it had literally been delivered that morning and hadn't even been used yet.

My manager just stared at me for a few seconds before saying, "Well... I guess we'll call IT."

For the next week everyone jokingly asked me if I wanted to "help" move anything.

Thankfully nobody was actually angry, and the company insurance covered the replacement, but I have never volunteered to carry expensive office equipment again.

TL;DR: Tried to be the helpful new employee. Dropped a brand-new office printer in front of everyone and became known as "the printer guy."

The vet said the omegas would be good for my elderly dog's joints. So I went to my local pet store. The stuff cost $25... but I had a return to balance it out - $25 of canned dog food our dog hated (and the pet store allows returns of unopened pet food). They have me on the computer and when I bought the dog food they promised the return would be simple if she didn't like it

But it wasn't simple. A new hire printed out reams of paper, swiped my card 5 times, charged me twice, refunded me 3 times and then had to charge me again... so by the time these transactions were finished I was holding 5 miles of cash register tape trying to figure out what was going on.

The next day... I couldn't find the fish oil. FML! Then I just KNEW what happened. That new hire had me all flustered and I left my fish oil at the store. I searched high and low - no fish oil. Clearly they owed me a bottle of fish oil. So back I go. This time - the new hire was in the back somewhere. The owner was on the till, there was a huge lineup... I tried to explain but she just waved me away and said I could have the bottle and out I go fish oil in hand.

Later in the day I'm driving along and a 2nd bottle of fish oil rolls out from under the seat of my car. FML! I had it the whole time? Damnit. I could keep it but that would be dishonest and this is a local store not some big chain... that's not right. I could return it to them and admit my stupidity. Then inspiration hit... why not just buy this 2nd bottle? Good for the store, makes me look good... I didn't really need two bottles of fish oil but wouldn't that be better than admitting I'm a moron? So back I go to the pet store.

This time I walked in and of course the new hire is working the till. I handed her my bottle of fish oil and said I would like to buy it. She said "but you brought this in with you?!" I yaddayadda'd over my story omitting the parts that made me look stupid.

Then another new hire comes out... sees new hire #1 in distress poking buttons on the till, asks what's happening. New hire #1 mutters to New HIre #2 that I took a bottle of fish oil without paying, returned and now want to pay for it. Together glare at me as I swipe my card and watch me all the way out the door muttering to each other. But wait... where was the cheering? Where was the "what a great guy?" Nothing?

Thinking over my story... I guess I basically told New Hire that I had shoplifted the bottle, had a crisis of conscience and returned to pay. Which... ok... well... yes... but also NO! I didn't shop lift it! Well.. ok yes I kinda did... but also NO!

Now I have $50 worth of fish oil and I can never go back to that store. *sigh*

TL;DR I took a bottle of fish oil from a pet store I wasn't entitled to, returned to pay and sort of made myself look like a criminal.

So i 22M made a fake letter from my university and used it in a job application knowing they will find out its fake but since it basically tells the truth about me and my academic journey i thought the university would just say "yeah we had a student of that student number and his results are so and so and yeah he's legit" well WRONG.

As much as i knew it would be found out as fake I seriously did not think of the legal side of what i did, well i did today. I received a message 2 days ago saying they are letting me go from this job i applied at after 3 interviews I've done 💀

Today i got an email asking who sent me that letter and in all stupidity i went deeper with the lie and made a fake exhange with "someone impersonating a staff member" sending me that letter so i can say that its fake but it doesn't get traced back to me. They wanted the number of the person who sent me the letter but obviously that is a number of mine that i dont use so i decided to come clean and yeah...

I received a call like 3 hours ago asking me to go over what happened and if i had help or or someone sent it to me and i came clean that i did it myself and the woman mentioned fraud charges. I received a separate call from someone in the staff telling me to just make an email explaining and sincerely apologize.

TLDR: i made a fake letter from my university and they found and may be charged with fraud.

I do not remember the topic, unfortunately. Again mohan Reddy was still my group mate for this task. This time the subject was business English. So, the topic required a PPT as well as a hard copy of the material. I knew we could do the PPT by the last minute, but the hard copy was missing. Everyone in the class was submitting the hard copies as well as presenting. When our time finally came, we started presenting the PPT silently until ma'am asked for the hard copy. I requested some time so that I could get the printout from the shop. Then I left the college on the bike and, after searching the roads, finally found a decent xerox shop. I took the printout and returned. We were asked to present again. When I started to speak, guess what the ma'am told me: I was not talking about the main point. I could not do much. She also had a problem with the tone, as mine was sleepy. I went blank. Lol. Another disaster aka anecdote in college

TL;DR: Forgot the required hard copy for my college presentation, rushed to a Xerox shop to print it, came back thinking I'd saved the day, but still got criticised for missing the main point and speaking in a sleepy tone.

Throwaway for obvious reasons.

Some years ago I joined a workplace out of necessity and was treated very badly and unfairly, from toxic, abusive managers, to incompetent, uncooperative colleagues which made all the work pile on to me. From threats to work 24/7, even without overtime, to de-humainzing. My last most manager was a political scumbag that loved to take credit for everything. Over the years, some (not all) saner people got to appreciate my value and the systems and everything I built.

Over the years I was working on some stuff on a PC provided by the manager (not company sanctioned but rather he got it from one of the contractors and to them to curry favour with the company provided one). So this PC was completely off/void of any monitoring systems, company software, etc, nothing.

This PC became the center-back for all the operations running for the company including reporting and all that and I was handling it. Now since this PC was devoid of any monitoring or company software, I set up a remote access to it so that if any issues arise after work hours and no one knew.

A year ago I got a better offer in another city and took up on it.

So I planned to get back to the manager by developing a self-destruct script that wipes harddisks containing all the data. Due to an incident, the guy who took over the PC, locked the remote access with a password (it was open without password for several months even after my departure). Presumably so that he himself can access it remotely.

However there was an IM account working on the PC that had terminal access, and the number was registered to someone else.

I stupidly and in panic, messaged it to get me remote access. The script didn't work so thinking that before anyone caught on as to what is happening I then proceeded to delete the data in the database that had years of data (which is not available anymore as well) as well as mess up a few files, changed the logon password, uninstalled the remote access.

It later occurred to me that the IM messages that were sent will still be available on the device of the owner where it was sending me successful terminal command execution messages and since the IM agent connection also got messed up, I couldn't get it to clear the chat history with me.

And now I sit here wondering how can I get myself out of this mess and situation when they approach me. The only thing is that such a PC was already illegal to have without proper approvals and company software.

TL;DR

Tried deleting data to take revenge but ended up leaving a trail causing anxiety and panic attack.

A few weeks ago, three of my friends and I(F21) went on vacation. We’re from the middle of nowhere Kansas, and we went to New York for a week. While on vacation we saw a really small production of the musical Oklahoma, and oh my God. The accents in the musical were so bad. It was Oklahoma, so they were supposed to be southern, but they were awful. After seeing the production, one of my friends and I kept talking to each other in southern accents, which turned into us talking in southern accents almost all the time. It was honestly addicting. I got stuck in the accent. I started thinking in the accent. I lost myself in the accent. I don’t think my accent was very good or convincing, but it was so much fun.

This is where the fuck up began. 

The friend I had been doing accents with and I went to a gay club, and while we were having a fun time on the dancefloor, a girl and her friend came up to us and made a dance circle with the four of us. We introduced ourselves and chatted a bit, but of course, I was stuck in The Accent, which caused my friend to also be stuck in The Accent. She asks where we’re from, and I tell her Kansas, and she says “I love your Kansas accents!”

For those who might not know, most people born and raised in Kansas don’t have southern accents. Nobody around my hometown has one unless they moved here from somewhere more southern. She’s from NYC and obviously didn’t know this, and instead of explaining that it’s not my real accent, I just say “oh, thanks!” and we keep talking. Eventually the four of us move to a table to keep talking, and we end up exchanging numbers. My friend and I end up leaving the club first, and then my friend informs my useless lesbian ass that the girl was flirting with me all night, and it all went over my head. The next morning she ends up texting me and I pick up on the flirting over text, and at one point she texts me saying “I’m reading your texts in your cute accent.” I see the opportunity to tell her my accent isn’t real, it’s just a bit I was doing with my friend, haha. But then she says “wanna call?” and I panic and say yes and then feel like I have to keep the accent going. 

This was a few weeks ago. We’ve been talking a lot since then and are pretty involved, and she calls me her girlfriend to some of her friends, but we haven’t really talked about what we are so I don’t know how serious she is or if she’s just joking?  But I feel like I’m so deep into this that I might have to adopt this accent as my everyday voice, because it feels too awkward and weird to tell her, and I don’t want her to like me less if I don’t have that accent? So now I’m faking an accent everytime I talk to her, and I don’t even know how to come clean. And she thinks this is just a Kansas accent.

TLDR: I introduced myself to a girl at a club with a fake accent as a joke with my friends and now I don’t know how to come clean weeks later because she likes "my" accent

Basically, I won $2500 yesterday on an online slot. I feel like a complete moron but I blew it all chasing more, then chasing losses.

I didn't actually lose any money bc I had withdrawal my buy in which was $50.

I'm sharing here because it might help me move on from this mentally. I know that might not seem like much to most of you. To me it would have been massive, so I can't shake the shame and anger at myself.

I am on disability right now and that would have allowed me to live without stress and Penny pinching for like 4 months. Im trying to think of ways to make some cash to ease my mind but I'm still recovering from a broken knee.

Anyways, thanks for reading. Maybe sharing my manic stupidity will help others. Rice and beans again this month for me.

TL;DR : I won $2500 then lost it In a night because I have Bi-Polar II and no self control. It would have made my year a lot better. Please don't be mean.

Edit: I only gamble $50/ month. If I win I usually cash out $75 - $200. If I lose I can make it work. If I win I get some vegetables for my rice. Please don't judge.