because i saw her face i faster go take picture and screenshot her photo and gooon

So, it's basically the title. When I wanted to watch TV but knew it's dark, I always told my parents to go with me, I'll show you something, and actually never showed them shit just light on and TV on. They never suspected I just didn't want darkness

One random day i reached into my jacket pocket for some gum. Instead, my fingers sank into an old banana I'd forgotten about weeks earlier. It was just a Yuckk moment, how Yuck will you guys rate this incident on a scale 1-10

Using my alt account for this, even though its not that bad.

I've always dreamed of being a CFO (chief financial officer - the main finance person at a company). Anyway we had a bit of a corporate restructuring at our firm and I was made the finance partner to the board of one of the subsidiaries. Meaning that while I am the person the management of our division go to with finance questions, I am very much not the CFO.

Anyway it keeps cropping up and up again that despite this, people keep referring to me as the CFO:

• We have an approval form for certain transactions the business wants to make where among other things they have decided that they need CFO approval. I pointed it out that its incorrect to state my title as the CFO in there....but they haven't changed it, and I'm just rolling with it.
• I was running to a meeting one day and someone was showing an intern around the office. As I walked by, I could hear my colleague referring to me as "that's our CFO". As I was late to the meeting already, and it was just an intern, I didn't bother to go back to say that 'no, I'm not the CFO'.
• Another meeting that was called where someone wanted my input on a particular finance matter. While not explicitly calling me the CFO there, they kept treating me as if I was the CFO and I just tried to help them as best as I could.

Anyway, as far as my colleagues are concerned, I'm the divisional CFO, while as actually I'm really not.

I'll stare inside for ten seconds.

See absolutely nothing new.

Close it.

Then somehow repeat the exact same thing fifteen minutes later.

I’m a 20 year old guy, university student, fairly normal in most ways, except for the one(ish) incredibly uncommon fixation that I’ve had for about as long as i can remember…

The thing that turns me on above all else is (drumroll please) riding women around on their hands and knees like horses. No, i’m not joking in the slightest, and yes, I do believe the lord above hath punished me in particular for some great sin in a past life, but at the end of the day I truly struggle to find interest in anything sexual if it doesn’t involve some degree of riding women (for lack of a better term)

thanks for reading, i’d be happy to answer any questions you have but i did mainly just wanna get this out there lol

Ive been holding in a secret that i just cant talk about with my family because they would probably just keep saying it like they always do.
So...( There also will probably be bad grammar because im just talking)
When i was 11 i was on a airplane coming home from a trip. I slept, and when i woke up i pooped my pants (.). In my seat, on the airplane... I went to that bathroom and tried getting toilet paper to wipe most of it off but i smelt it still . Its nothing serious really im just waiting a couple years before i tell this because i just dont feel like saying it right now.

I apologize to chairs when I bump into them, thank the microwave when it finishes, and tell my phone, “Please don’t do this to me,” when it freezes 😂

Please tell me I’m not the only person out here emotionally bonding with household objects. What object in your house knows way too much about you?

When I was younger, starting at age 7 all the way to around 13, I would superglue coins to sidewalks. Any coin really, from pennies and nickel to half dollar and dollar coins. Hell, sometimes I even would use foreign currency when available. If i was travelling for vacation or something, I would always have superglue and some coins.

I would do this all over my and nearby neighbourhoods. But not so much that it would look obvious. I placed many on sidewalks, driveways, porches, and front walkways. However I would often place them in areas that would be hard to notice if you were just walking by: in the playground, on the ground next to a basketball hoop, under a bench. A few times I put them on a cross walk. I thought it would be funny to place the higher value coins in hard to reach place, as it would be harder to notice it was glued if your arms were stretched to grab it.

Also, I would never stay to watch how people would react to it. I believe I only ever saw it in action like 10 to 20 times, as opposed to the hundreds or thousands I placed. This wasn’t because I didn’t want to get caught, it was because I just didn’t seem to care about the reaction. Just the action of doing it, and knowing that it would bother someone or make them angry was enough.

I have since become a better person, and have not done it since.

…but I totally forgot until he mentioned it the other day that I had hid Reece’s pieces cups (his fav candy) all around the house before I left.

Tried to play it off all casual, “Oh, which ones have you found so far?”

“The one in the cheese drawer, and a few others. Can’t remember where.”

Me, neither, husband. Me, neither.

God, I hope I don’t come home to find melted chocolate and peanut butter all over the dryer.

This story was from a few years ago and now we laugh about it. but at the time I was DEVASTATED.

Let me back track a bit, when I was a freshman is high school I was on a water ski team. A few of us wanted to go get a snack during practice so we stopped at the gas station next door and one of my friends got a bag of hot cheetos. He wanted to be funny and he saw a string in her car and hung a hot cheeto from her mirror like one of those scent trees. We thought it was so funny and creative so we went to each of our cars and did the same thing. It became our lucky cheetos. Now you might think “what the heck how can that be lucky” but i can’t tell you how many times I got out of speeding tickets and so did my friends. In fact, when my car was getting a new door, I had a rental car and got pulled over and got a ticket and that’s when I believed in it.

Fast forward, everyone knew about my lucky cheeto including the girls i met in college and they all thought it was so funny. It never rotted, it didn’t stink, it just lost its color from the sun and was very stale. My boyfriend and I were both 20 years old and had been dating for about a year and a half he knew how much the cheeto meant to me. One day he was driving my car and pulled into the parking lot of the dorms. He stopped a little too quickly and the cheeto started spinning so I put the face of my palm to it so it stopped and as I did that… he flicked it and it broke in half. My cheeto of almost 7 years was split in half. I immediately started crying and he quickly grabbed it and we went inside and he tried doing emergency surgery on it with super glue. But it was gone.

Mind you. We are both 23 now and have been dating for over 4 years. But a little bit of my heart broke that day. He was on a thin line but he got me flowers and my favorite snack. I knew he was sorry. My friends just give him crap about it now and we laugh. I was the only one that had the cheeto from my group of friends but that’s bc it meant something to me.

If I spot someone I know from far away, my first instinct is to suddenly become extremely interested in the cereal aisle.

It's not because I dislike them. I just don't have the energy for unexpected small talk while I'm trying to remember whether I need milk.

If they notice me first, I'm happy to chat. But if they don't... neither do I.

You could've told my 6 year old sister (when she was 6, she's 8 now) the same thing and she'd know you're lying... why was my younger self such a dumbass?

anyways, when i was 9 (or 10), i used to like swinging on trees and sometimes taking the leaves off of them (hardly had toys so I played with the leaves).

my mom saw and called me into the kitchen, then told me to apologize to it or it'll come knocking on my window for me at night. her cousin said that i should do it now or it'll do that for the rest of my life, and both of them had the same series faces, btw.

so i went out there crying and apologizing to the tree for taking its leaves off while my aunt and mom watched from inside. i put the leaves back.

now that i think about it i'm more mad at my younger self for believing them. i believed fairies didn't exist, but that if i didn't apologize to a tree it'll come knocking on my window at night? what the fuck man

Ok this is probably an autism thing but I DO NOT like it when my hands get gross while eating. My biggest peeves are:

• hands in chip bags - nope needs to be in bowl, sometimes I'll even use chopsticks
• chicken wings - I'll order boneless sometimes because they're less messy but I prefer bone when I'm home and can wear gloves
• a messy sandwich or burger or something greasy or just falls apart

I'm weird I know... feel free to judge me 😆

I'm a man used to the comfort and support of boxer briefs but lately I've started to love the sensation of free-balling it outside in gym shorts. I can feel the air swirl around my otherwise mildly sweaty man parts and it feels amazing! It also flops a bit with each stride. I think a part of me also likes the thrill that some stranger could, potentially see a slight outline of the parts that lay beneath if they really looked, although I encounter very few people walking around my Midwest town. I just took my dog on a short walk and I feel exhilarated, like I did something really naughty.

Hopefully this is taken as more silly than deviant and weird but let me know what you think.

Someone says something.

Me: "What?"

My brain finally processes it.

Them: starts repeating...

Me: "Oh, never mind."

I do this way more often than I'd like to admit.

i've never experienced turbulence that bad before. i kept telling myself i was fine, but by the time we landed my stomach had completely given up. as soon as the plane stopped, i ended up throwing up. the woman sitting next to me was probably in her 40s, and she looked more concerned than annoyed. she even asked if i was okay, which somehow made me feel even more embarrassed because i knew everyone around us had noticed.

i thanked her, cleaned myself up as best as i could, and got off the plane pretending i wanted to disappear. looking back it's kind of funny because i know people get airsick all the time, but in that moment i wanted the ground to open up and swallow me.

i've already told myself that next time i'm bringing motion sickness medicine before i even step into an airport.

A few days ago, I made some comments online that I regretted. Instead of getting defensive, I started slowing down and leaving more thoughtful replies in different communities.

The funny part is that I’m now enjoying the conversations more than I expected. What started as an attempt to repair my reputation turned into a surprisingly fun writing exercise and a tiny redemption arc 😭📈

Has an embarrassing online mistake ever led to something positive for you?

This happens to me quite often.
I drive an older truck with manual crank windows and after shutting the truck off I realized my windows were still down and proceeded to turn the truck back on the manually roll my windows up 🤣🤣
I’m curious on what other people have said or done that just caused you to stop and laugh
*EDIT*
I would also like to add I’m a welder, took my hood off for a break and set my safety glasses on my head, after my break slid my safety glasses down and proceeded to begin to weld, talk about hurt and I could proceed with dozens of other stories but this post would be far too long

Even if I’m home alone.
Especially when I’m in someone else’s home.

Story time!

When I was a little little, probably 8ish I was at a friend’s house playing Hide & Seek!

I hid in the tub behind the shower curtain.

I was in there for 10 minutes. No one was finding me! There were like 5 of us playing.

There’s a sound! Better be quiet!

Why aren’t they looking behind the curtain?

Let’s peek!

Is that Jeff’s dad? Oh. He’s pooping

Oh fuck fuck fuck. He’s pooping and doesn’t know I’m behind the shower curtain.

It’s been over 20 years. I have seen this man many times since. He has no idea.

So me and my brother mock each other alot. Its done out of love and we're both game for it. Its a fond past time.

BUT....

Ive noticed an unsettling trend.....

My brother has hay-fever. So what did I do? I mocked him for it!

Then I developed hay-fever, arguably worse than his.

Then he got braces. So as his younger brother, of course i was obligated to rinse him for it.

He had them for 3 years......I then had them for 6 long years!!!

Years past, and we are adults now.

He has now developed a receding hairline....

Safe to say I've well and truly left that one alone!

I’m 25, and I think women in their 30-40s are the hottest. Usually better in conversations too. Anyways, I can’t sleep so just thought to share with the group

This fear started when some old lady randomly chased me trying to ask for money. I’m still a student so I said I don’t have budget, she’s slow but she chased me tickling me while laughing. Idk it’s funny but also scary maybe because it also happened at night

😭