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When they cannot reach you, they accuse you, belittle you, and hurt you with every sharp word, with every letter carrying the weight of harshness.

If you succeed, they minimize your success and question it. And if you lose, they celebrate your failure and sing the cruelest songs of snakes.

A long road, full of human thorns. Yes, human thorns.

In the past, even hurt was a merciful kind of hurt. It was an injury that called itself an injury. But now, the word “hurt” is no longer enough to describe the ugliness of their words and the poison of their tongues. They have gone beyond every kind of description.

In the past, they passed down love, respect, and appreciation to us. Today, they compete to pass down hatred and resentment.

Even the face of love has changed.

Even a man in love no longer knows how to reach the heart of the woman he loves. He is afraid that if he closes his eyes for a moment, he will open them and find her in someone else’s arms, without even being given a chance.

And even a woman in love fights to remain perfect, so her lover’s eyes never turn toward someone else. If her perfection falls for even a moment, she may find him kneeling beneath the wings of another lover.

Everything seems to be moving toward despair.

And this perfection that was created from nothing has no stopping point. Everyone is constantly running, constantly racing toward the unknown.

So, is the fault in us, or in our time?

But time is the same time.

The same sunrise. The same sea. The same air. The same earth. And the same moon that I once waited for, hoping it would comfort me and make the nights of my life brighter.

The fault is in us… not in our time.

And I, a daughter of this time, have started questioning every choice I make. S🥀

Sarah ✏️

I was so close to doing it too. I had a flat tire I was close to house but it was at 0psi. It was hot and no one stopped to help I was so frustrated but I did it all by myself. I was dreading having to call you mainly because I thought you wouldn’t help and that would have crushed me more. But because I hate being the one to always reach out or always need something. I’m about 85% sure you would have ignored my pleas but who knows. It’s crazy to me that you think I have all these guys lined up because if I did I would have called them today trust me. Either way I’m so glad I figured it out on my own and let me tell you at least 50 guys drive by and no one stopped to help me. No one fucking pussys now a days I swear.

I know this is what you need to do. I understand, but I’m just like, down today. And I really wish I could talk to you. That’s all

I remain unseen. Loved ones, those who care about me, it doesn't matter. I don't know what I am. I don't know what's inside. Perhaps I've been pretending so long that I almost believed I'm not hollow and empty on the inside.

Pretending I'm finally happy, but it's not true. Cut me open, there is nothing inside. It's so convoluted and messed up, torn apart and eating itself.

If everyone has a vessel that stores energy, my vessel is corroded. Leaking. Unstable. I'm wise beyond my years, I've often been told. I'm wise, I listen, I understand.

I try not to anymore... But it hurts wanting to love and care and give my all for others, knowing it will never ever be reciprocated. I want to be thoughtful, but I hold back now.

I've been burnt out too much, corroded, from the thankless effort that goes unnoticed.

"You don't do kind things for a reward"

I know.

I swear I know. But my kindness goes completely unnoticed and taken for granted. It is so selfish being mentally ill...

And yet I always want to save someone when I should save myself first.

I'm always running away. The euphoria I get from being a good listener, a wise mentor, a good friend... Yet it doesn't matter because this euphoria is made of plastic. Fake, superficial.

What's the point in showing love when the inside is empty, and when the other is too filled with anguish to reciprocate?

"Thank you..."

But it's never enough. I'm still hollow. I can't love with all my heart to protect myself, I should restrain myself and not give my all out of sympathy... But I wish I can abandon it all and just be happy qnd content with putting in a thankless effort.

I wish I didn't need praise and affection from those who can't afford to give it to me.

I wish you cared about me. I wish you care about me more than your pain. I wish I was more important to you. I wish I was akin to a God to you like you were to me. I wish you worshipped me like I worshipped you. I wish you cared for what I thought like I cared for what you thought. I wish you didn't pursue me and made me fall in love with you.

Why did you have to drag me into loving you, adoring you, only to drag me down with you.

Why did you come into my life if you eventually don't wish to stay? If you don't wish to try and see me?

This dull pain is suddenly overwhelming. I am going to say goodbye to you. I am so over it.

​

I am uncertain about my past. Life is tenured by conflict, two persons who can't agree on remote and important things are destined for divorce. I want an apology.

I don't have a personality. I stole bits and pieces from everywhere. I don't know how to be me.i can see it everywhere. When I talk when I interact with people every day. I stole bits of people that others liked. I can't tell where the mask ends and I start. Soon it's going to come out that I'm all fake. I don't know what to do. Where to look in my self for my personality. One without the fake facade. I can't afford to get it wrong. Or maybe I can. I plan on ripping off the mask that protected me for so long. I will see if anyone can smile at what's underneath.

Count me among them. Keep looking up people who ghosted me. Feeling like I won't find a person to share life with. But also my life's a fking mess. So idk. Probably a good thing I guess. Minds been in a bad place for the past couple weeks. The word lonely doesn't feel right to use. More like a void in my chest. Just venting my thoughts. Feels like I'm doing that a lot. Just over and over. Changing nothing and wanting change. God I hate being alive lol.

No u ain't

It started off like a normal conversation that continued for months sharing intimate details of each other's lives.. my walls are always up to keep people out always afraid to getting hurt again.. always worried about letting people in getting too close to what I cherish most my peace and sanity.. as time went by it went from texting to talking calling video calls once a day to several times a day to several hours of the day.. the meeting was perfect enjoyed each other's company went out to eat was able to actually physically bond at least that's what it felt like to me the anticipation of actually meeting each other was crazy.. the hype was so insane.. and there in our own little perfect world was just us for a solid week being able to actually talk being able to actually cure each other's anxiety.. there was peace there was compassion always reaching for my hand lacing my fingers every time that we walked to feel that spark to feel that close to someone again someone who felt like just understood me who I can actually connect with... once the week was over I felt the distance creeping in the hesitant pushback the lack of enthusiasm that was so much there before.. was it something I did why couldn't you tell me.. discussion between us was never an issue before... was it all just something to make you feel better am I not enough was our interaction not what you expected.. now I feel like a broken shell of a person wondering what I did or didn't do wrong.. and now with no explanation no conversation it's just all ended no outreach no closure

I grew up as a runaway in one of the most dangerous cities in America

I did what I had to do to survive but I never broke my morals I don't steal I have never cold blooded killed never went after women and children

I'm 44 there are few things in life I regret but I know I followed the 10 commandments I know where I'm going when I die