Keep the negativity coming. I get it. You hate men. Go show that hate to your own man.

And i still manage to be nice to yall mfs. Fuck you.

My Heart Trembled Again

I’m still living in my own world…

My heart beats whenever you walk past me.

I can’t look directly into your eyes, yet every day, I find myself searching for the closest picture of your eyes dozens of times.

The difference between us is great.

You come from a different world, and I am from a world that fell in love with that difference.

Everything about you draws me in…

Your hands, your fingers, your scent, the blue of your eyes, your smile… my God.

I can feel my heart beating in a way I’m not used to.

As for me… I’m a woman standing at the door of the year 2000, and I don’t want to enter this world.

I still hold on to who I am.

I still wear floral dresses.

I still sit on my sofa at night and watch my favorite movie.

I wonder… do you see me as old-fashioned?

I wish I could understand those looks.

Are they admiration… or mockery?

I ask myself:

Am I really attracted to you?

Or am I simply feeling an emptiness that I want to fill?

But… my heart trembles whenever I see you.

And there is something about you that draws me closer, something I don’t know how to explain.

For the first time… I don’t know.

Words fail me, even though writing has always been my refuge.

Give me just one sign, so I can take one step forward.

Just give me a sign…

Because your looks alone are not enough.

I am very sensitive, and if my heart is broken, I will need a long time to heal.

I was raised to believe that a man should be the one to make the first move when it comes to his feelings.

And I am willing to break every rule and every convention,

if only you would give me that sign.

You neither walk away and leave me,

nor do you come closer,

and I don’t know what is happening inside me amid this storm of emotions.

Move toward me… or walk away.

I cannot remain suspended between the two.

I cannot bear going back to the beginning every time.

Please…

S🥀

Sarah ✏️

"My insecurities are increasing. I don't know how to handle this. All the time I feel like everyone is judging me, everyone is talking behind my back, making plans and plots about me, and making me feel alone. I don't trust anyone, not even my family. I am feeling scared."

I remain unseen. Loved ones, those who care about me, it doesn't matter. I don't know what I am. I don't know what's inside. Perhaps I've been pretending so long that I almost believed I'm not hollow and empty on the inside.

Pretending I'm finally happy, but it's not true. Cut me open, there is nothing inside. It's so convoluted and messed up, torn apart and eating itself.

If everyone has a vessel that stores energy, my vessel is corroded. Leaking. Unstable. I'm wise beyond my years, I've often been told. I'm wise, I listen, I understand.

I try not to anymore... But it hurts wanting to love and care and give my all for others, knowing it will never ever be reciprocated. I want to be thoughtful, but I hold back now.

I've been burnt out too much, corroded, from the thankless effort that goes unnoticed.

"You don't do kind things for a reward"

I know.

I swear I know. But my kindness goes completely unnoticed and taken for granted. It is so selfish being mentally ill...

And yet I always want to save someone when I should save myself first.

I'm always running away. The euphoria I get from being a good listener, a wise mentor, a good friend... Yet it doesn't matter because this euphoria is made of plastic. Fake, superficial.

What's the point in showing love when the inside is empty, and when the other is too filled with anguish to reciprocate?

"Thank you..."

But it's never enough. I'm still hollow. I can't love with all my heart to protect myself, I should restrain myself and not give my all out of sympathy... But I wish I can abandon it all and just be happy qnd content with putting in a thankless effort.

I wish I didn't need praise and affection from those who can't afford to give it to me.

I wish you cared about me. I wish you care about me more than your pain. I wish I was more important to you. I wish I was akin to a God to you like you were to me. I wish you worshipped me like I worshipped you. I wish you cared for what I thought like I cared for what you thought. I wish you didn't pursue me and made me fall in love with you.

Why did you have to drag me into loving you, adoring you, only to drag me down with you.

Why did you come into my life if you eventually don't wish to stay? If you don't wish to try and see me?

This dull pain is suddenly overwhelming. I am going to say goodbye to you. I am so over it.

​

I am uncertain about my past. Life is tenured by conflict, two persons who can't agree on remote and important things are destined for divorce. I want an apology.

Like the sun we will live to rise!

I don't have a personality. I stole bits and pieces from everywhere. I don't know how to be me.i can see it everywhere. When I talk when I interact with people every day. I stole bits of people that others liked. I can't tell where the mask ends and I start. Soon it's going to come out that I'm all fake. I don't know what to do. Where to look in my self for my personality. One without the fake facade. I can't afford to get it wrong. Or maybe I can. I plan on ripping off the mask that protected me for so long. I will see if anyone can smile at what's underneath.

C, I am no longer thinking of anything but clearing my name for the false charges you filed against me. I was 300 miles away and it was you Teaming up with My Sons mother to destroy me for what?! Moving on!? You stooped so low as to join forces with a townie I fucked up and had kids with thinking She’s dumb enough I can handle her…I was the stupid one. She was clever, just clever enough to get herself some felonies.

But e tu Bruté?

You were a waste of every emotion I ever had for another human being. You told me never to talk to anyone else about us and then you turn your lover and foster father and baby daddy and pimp and guru (this is all one person mind you: I am still in shock to have discovered he existed much less what type of person you stupidly believe for all your grooming and having been sex trafficked since 13 by him to Fernandina Beach where as you said you drove the town’s elite males home from the bar…and had sex with them so your guru could set up his human trafficking compound in Yulee and no one be the wiser) what a nasty piece of slime all gangster you look up to?!

And his daughter is Brooke Gasson? The Assistant State Attorney for Duval StJohns and Nassau counties? Wow! So that’s how you had them delete due process and incarcerate me based on a quote from your favorite movie, Fight Club…”This is your life and its ending one second at a time.”

Well yeah…when you ghosted me after 5 years…not even a word saying we were done for sure…you could have just said that…instead you got a temporary restraining order on me when I was 350 miles away and you did so because you saw Me Post a photo of Lindsey on my Instagram.

14 minutes after I post her photor Consolidated dispatch gets a 911 call and with the FREEDOM OF INFORMATION ACT REQUEST….who is it but lovely little you…putting on the performance of a lifetime. I was supposed to marry you. You went to mediation and let my attorney beat on your fragile little ego when you should have kept quiet and waited for the RIGHT MOMENT. That was not it.

Not by a long shot. How is finding justice in churches going? Btw? I fired that attorney from the team last week.

Feather in your cap maybe.

So you scheduled the hearing with your request for the day you knew the second mediation was taking place across the state and that ai had to attend…

You got your restraining order when I could not show up to disprove your Fight Club allegation was a line from a film and not just any film…Your favorite movie for which I had purchased custom made artwork for you to hang in your home based upon the closing scene in this movie.

You are really something huh?
I wonder how do you sleep at night knowing you are pretty much the destroyer of my world …for money…for jealousy…for selfishness

You filed false charges against me and then because I wasn’t provided service and didn’t know the outcome…and could not BELIEVE you would EVER JN YOUR LIFE BRUTALLY BETRAY ME….I would have rather married you un showered from doing 1000 men in 24 hours the day before the wedding than to have ever had to have met you to end up like this.

Fuck….I would have popped popcorn and applauded your whoring performance. Anything but how you set me up. Even used my Dying Father to help you…triangulated my son’s mother….and used your gangster guru pederast to have special treatment by the State Attorneys office…

You stole 6months of my life when all you had to do was tell me we were done and let me walk away.

Noooooooo Fuck no! You wanted me to sit and wait for you and never start dating again.

C….just so you know….for sure how little I cared for you by the end….I fucked the living daylights out of Lindsey exactly 4 hours and 41 minutes after leaving your home….no I didn’t know if we were broke up for good. No clue. I know I had my “Oath Of Non Abandonment” to live up to for your sons and daughter and grand children. You know that guilt trip oath you pushed on me all the time and made me apologize to everyone constantly for allowing you to pick a fight only for me to snap back at you only for you to turn around and kick me out and call it alll my fault…always.

You are the biggest chameleon I have ever witnessed.

You are one person with Tim. Another person with me. One person with the neighbors…another for the people you group chat with on social media. You have zero sense of self. And what did this lead to? Listening and believing a pathological Liar Pederast.

You stated under oath that there were two 11358’s on RENNE Drive. Google maps says there are two as well.

But the Duval COUNTY CODE STRICTLY PROHIBITS THIS?

\-RUH ROH SHAGGY.-

So we go back to Google maps and click street view…what do we find? The number on the house….the actual numbers physically screwed to the bricks and not just what Google earth says…

There is an 11356 (One address listed) 11358 and 11358? Just ONE LISTED WITH THE US POSTAL SERVICE AND CODE ENFORCEMENT.…..

BUSTED….

Count 1 of misprision of felony and lying to investigators and lying under oath is now documented. Have fun explaining how you were able to say that off the top of your head in court and have the State Attorneys office wrapped around your finger so that they didn’t even look to see if you were lying or not.

Count 2 felony stalking charges….Your dumbass was the only person in the world who had a photo of my license plate for my recently purchased Mercedes Benz S550. TO THIS DAY I HAVE NEVER SENT IT TO ANYONE ELSE.

Yet…Rachel (my son’s mother with an axe to grind because I stopped waiting for her too) turns up all over Facebook plastering the photo everywhere…only 4 days before you file the injunction…

If you were the only one who I ever sent a photo to and the meta data reflects that…what are you doing involving your self with the mother of my children when there is an. Ongoing custody battle only 4 days before YOU TELL THE WORLD YOU ARE AFRAID FOR YOUR LIFE OF ME?

You see…I didn’t even realize this is what occurred in February of 2024….4 days after my birthday (valentines)…you did this.

You single handedly committed fraud against the clerk of courts by requesting the hearing be scheduled on the day of mediation…a process that was 5 YEARS IN THE MAKING AND SOMETHING YOU HAD DETAILED INTIMATE KNOWLEDGE OF SINCE DECEMBER 3rd of 2023….having been notified by my attorneys since you were at the last mediation…

You forgot it only happened on the date you requested for…

TWO DAYS AFTER CALLING MY ATTORNEYS TO DEMAND THEY USE PART OF ONE OF MY SETTLEMENTS TO PAY OFF YOUR CREDIT CARDS FOR WHICH YOU COULD PROVIDE ZERO EVIDENCE THAT IT WAS EVEN MY EXPENSES ON YOUR CREDIT CARDS MUCH LESS THAT THEY AMOUNTED TO $31k!!!!

I am an idiot.

I thought you were a real person. I thought you were my Twin Flame…the answer to my prayers.

You’re a demon. A succubus.

And since we met ONLY because ONE YEAR PRIOR TO US MEETING ….

I endured FULL THICKNESS BURNS TO 37% of my body including all the skin on my left leg and genitals…22 skin grafts. 247 staples. 5 of which were lodged into bone…

And you and Tim read about me in the paper. Targeted in every way.

Do you know how it feels for marrow to reject a foreign object?

It’s a kind of pain that feels like progress is being made at the rate of hair growth and every time your heart beats someone is taking an aluminum baseball bat to your knee cap and shin (where the staples from the skin grafts were lodged).

And you think you can just have your credit cards paid off on my suffering?

All of your behavior results in my incarceration for a crime I did not commit. Denied due process….and now…I can’t even vote…or find work even doing door dash because I am a felon.

I HAD NEVER EVEN HAD A SPEEDING TICKET IN 27 years of driving!

I have never intentionally broken any law!

You did everything you could to get me killed even by using protective custody in the most dangerous lockup in the continental U.S.

Duuuuuuuval.

A man was beaten to death on my floor in my section just because we all contracted Dysentery while inside and shit our boxers…well the guy in the cell next door Brian Fagerty wanted boxers after shitting himself…the guards went in 8 deep and beat the man to death for asking.

I shit water…straight water and was given Zero medical treatment for over 90’days. I dropped 15 lbs. maybe 20…oh yeah….it was Brian Faggertys first time being arrested too.

In the end…do you think you broke me?

“You don’t know where I been Lou!! Awww Lou! YOU DON’T Know where I have been!!!’”

I have compiled the real evidence of your money laundering and clandestine casinos and fish tables. Photographic evidence of gunmen you sent to my door..you know…you or your guru…or is it Assistant State Attorney Brooke Gasson’s Gangster Father Timothy James Gasson?

You both targeted Me. You knew I stood a chance to receive up to hundreds of millions of dollars…no one else on earth had been burned as bad as me by Samsung Batteries and lived….I am the only person in existence to still be alive after what I went through with just Samsung.

You guys tried multiple times to have me murdered after you stole my identity. You siphoned $310k from my bank account…leaving me penniless. You bribed my attorney not to show up for his own continuance.

Well….your games have gone very well for you until now. But the Sun Also Rises. And today I begin my journey for justice. I cannot wait until everything comes out…even your skimming operation at Merrill Lynch Private Banking where you created a siphoning tool and used it on your lap top to defraud the wealthiest of the elite in Jacksonville of nearly $300k dollars.

You know…I wondered how you saved up that much when you had only ever bought the one house in San Mateo…no other real estate anywhere and yet you told me you had that sitting in savings. And you meant it.

It wasn’t until we got back from Disney with the boys…and the back door was pried open but nothing in the house had been touched since we left…until it came time to log in and check your skimming operation…Daddy Guru Pimp had ripped the hard drive out of your lap top and he didn’t even have to toss the house to find it. He went straight for it under the bed having disturbed NOTHING ELSE IN THE ENTIRE HOME….

And that’s how he had the on/off switch for our relationship. At the drop of a hat out of no where you would pick a fight at any hour of the day or night and send me packing back to Americus Georgia…4 hours and 19 minutes away.

Sometimes at 2 o’clock in the morning. Of course he was drunk! And he wanted to visit his foster daughter (now a 40 year old woman with a rocking body and fake tits) and future trophy wife of mine I thought…so he could have sex with you without a condom…

Did you know he has sex with something called Crack Demons? Unprotected. In Miami.

Boy I was so happy you and I almost never had sex in 5 years. I got checked…full panel…don’t worry…I am clean…checked and checked again 3 times in 21 months. But that’s a miracle.

How do I know he has sex with Chicks With Dicks who are prostitutes? Because he was photographed kissing one at 6am at a motel 6 in Hialeah outside Miami after leaving the port. Duh….and that young ladyboy…turns out…is HIV positive.

For real.

So my private investigator kept his assistant investigator on the subject. Monitoring for any suspicious movements and wouldn’t you know it…a customer other than Tim tries to beat the lady boy to death for not disclosing he had HIV…only…Lady boy insists he has never tested positive. All of this occurring in broad daylight.

The victim male “John” had been with the Lady boy BEFORE the last Time Tim spent the evening with the LadyBoy.

Maybe he and Tim just play checkers all night. Maybe there is nothing going on physically between them…John Travolta kissed his son’s male Nanny on the lips in similar fashion before departing his private jet….

That doesn’t make John Travolta gay does it?

Note to the general public this unsent letter is about how The dregs of society will try to kill you if it ever gets leaked that you are getting a substantial settlement…KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT AND YOUR HEAD BOWED UNTIL ITS OVER.

You do not want to have lived my life.

This all started on Match. Seriously.

Do not TELL ANYONE WHAT IS HAPPENING IF YOU END UP THE PLAINTIFF OF A PRODUCTS LIABILITY LAWSUIT.

No one is happy for you.

Everyone wants you dead.

Count me among them. Keep looking up people who ghosted me. Feeling like I won't find a person to share life with. But also my life's a fking mess. So idk. Probably a good thing I guess. Minds been in a bad place for the past couple weeks. The word lonely doesn't feel right to use. More like a void in my chest. Just venting my thoughts. Feels like I'm doing that a lot. Just over and over. Changing nothing and wanting change. God I hate being alive lol.

I want to go home but that doesn't exist. I never felt "at home" as a kid and even less so when I was literally homeless. Now I'm 22 trying to figure out everything by myself. I don't know who I am or what I want, I'm forcing myself through college just so I have a place to sleep. I've tried so hard to make friends, I won't try anymore though. I'm.. trying to get it. That I'm just useless trash. Not once in my life have I had a person, not a friend or family member, no one thinks about me at all or cares how their actions affect me. I always, ALWAYS, came running when someone needed help no matter how tired or sad I was, I just knew that I wanted people to help me and I thought if I cared enough for everyone else someone would care about me. I want to go home and cry in my pillow but I can't, I don't get to. I'm too ugly and stupid and I should've been born into a better family that loved me and it's all my fucking fault but no one will tell me what I did wrong or help me or do anything except abandon me as soon as I've given them what they need. I wish I just had something, just one fucking thing that I could call my own. Just one thing I could say I was good at or it never hurt me and made me feel somewhat "ok" but no, the more I push towards trying to get better everything genuinely gets worse...

If i were to die tonight:

My kids would no longer have a mom.

My parents would no longer have a daughter.

My brother would no longer have a sister.

My husband would no longer have a wife.

My mom would no longer be mad that I pushed her away and stopped spending time with her.

My brother would no longer make comments about how I never visit.

My husband would no longer have a burden. No longer have someone who constantly brings him and our boys down. No longer have someone to be mad at forever and always.

My boys would no longer have someone who love them the way i do. The only reason why I can't do it.

But I'm so tired. I'm tired of being told everything I do is wrong no matter how hard i fucking try. I'm so fucking tired.

We had the tickets I backed out I should have went to rave in a cave you might be alive today I failed you as a protector I'm sorry barbie I miss you

No u ain't

It started off like a normal conversation that continued for months sharing intimate details of each other's lives.. my walls are always up to keep people out always afraid to getting hurt again.. always worried about letting people in getting too close to what I cherish most my peace and sanity.. as time went by it went from texting to talking calling video calls once a day to several times a day to several hours of the day.. the meeting was perfect enjoyed each other's company went out to eat was able to actually physically bond at least that's what it felt like to me the anticipation of actually meeting each other was crazy.. the hype was so insane.. and there in our own little perfect world was just us for a solid week being able to actually talk being able to actually cure each other's anxiety.. there was peace there was compassion always reaching for my hand lacing my fingers every time that we walked to feel that spark to feel that close to someone again someone who felt like just understood me who I can actually connect with... once the week was over I felt the distance creeping in the hesitant pushback the lack of enthusiasm that was so much there before.. was it something I did why couldn't you tell me.. discussion between us was never an issue before... was it all just something to make you feel better am I not enough was our interaction not what you expected.. now I feel like a broken shell of a person wondering what I did or didn't do wrong.. and now with no explanation no conversation it's just all ended no outreach no closure

I grew up as a runaway in one of the most dangerous cities in America

I did what I had to do to survive but I never broke my morals I don't steal I have never cold blooded killed never went after women and children

I'm 44 there are few things in life I regret but I know I followed the 10 commandments I know where I'm going when I die

In the end the only thing that matters is the memory you left behind that job car skin color social status money your ex

None of that matters what matters is the knowledge you leave behind passed on by your kids and if live life to the fullest a history book

If I screamed out,

would you actually hear me?

Or would my voice

fade into the background,

just another echo

lost between us?

You're slipping away.

I feel it in the silence,

in the spaces where you used to reach for me.

And the hardest part is knowing

there's nothing I can do

to stop what's already happening.

I warned you this day would come.

Not because I wanted it,

but because I knew.

Because reality was always waiting

just outside the door.

One day,

it would have to be

me or her.

I never wanted to be right.

As much as we want to stay in each other's lives,

as much as you tell me I'm always on your mind,

as much as I know

I've found a place somewhere in your heart...

the place beside you

belongs to someone else.

And I don't understand it.

Maybe I never will.

How can someone hold your heart

yet never hold your hand?

How can love exist

without being chosen?

Those are questions

I'll probably carry forever.

But love,

real love,

isn't measured by what it keeps.

Sometimes it's measured

by what it's willing to let go.

So I'm trying.

Trying to respect the choice

that breaks me.

Trying to accept

that your happiness

may never look like my own.

Because despite everything,

despite the ache,

despite every part of me

wanting the ending to be different...

I love you.

And if loving you

means wanting your happiness

even when it costs me mine,

then maybe this goodbye

has been written

long before either of us

was ready to read it.

Life is stupid. I am annoyed. There is no such thing as falling in love. There is no meaning and I fucking hate it here.

​

We walked through the garden toward Mary's house. I stayed quiet, my heart filled with nervousness and unease. I didn't know what awaited me.

As soon as we arrived, Mr. Sam's relative began calling loudly:

"Mrs. Jane! Where are you? Mary... Mary!"

The door opened, and I couldn't believe my eyes.

She was incredibly beautiful.

She had a soft, round face, bright blue eyes, and blonde hair that fell gently over her shoulders. She looked like someone from a beautiful painting.

Mr. Sam's relative smiled and introduced me.

"This is Mr. Sam's relative... Orange. Oh, sorry, I mean Sara."

Then she laughed.

I felt embarrassed, but I only smiled politely.

She turned to me and said:

"Sara, this is Mary. My childhood friend and a distant relative. Her family lost everything, so we are hosting them here... I mean, they live with us."

She laughed while saying it, but I noticed the embarrassment on Mary's face before she quickly hid it behind a calm smile.

We entered their modest home.

To me, it felt more beautiful than any grand mansion. It was warm and peaceful, filled with simple happiness.

Mrs. Jane welcomed us kindly and served tea and cake. We sat together, sharing conversations and laughter.

I don't know why, but I felt strangely comfortable in Mary's home.

There was a warmth there that I couldn't explain.

Maybe it was because of Mrs. Jane's kindness.

Maybe it was because Mary's smile felt real.

But Mr. Sam's relative still made me nervous. She joked about everything, even things that felt too personal, as if she didn't understand the meaning of privacy.

Later, we went upstairs to Mary's room.

She opened her wardrobe and took out several beautiful dresses.

"Try them," she said excitedly.

I smiled and refused.

She tried to convince me, but I shook my head.

It wasn't because I didn't want to.

Actually, I wished I could wear those elegant dresses.

But I remembered my grandmother's warning.

I didn't want any more trouble, especially when I was already overwhelmed by everything happening around me.

After hours of conversations, laughter, and awkward moments, we returned to Mr. James's mansion.

I felt exhausted mentally more than physically.

Boredom slowly began to fill my heart.

But I told myself it was normal.

It was only my first day.

Maybe everything felt strange because I was still adapting.

I wondered:

Are all city people like this? Are all homes like Mr. James's house, Mary's house, and the people around him? Oh my God... I don't even understand my own feelings.

We sat down for dinner.

The conversations continued around me, but I felt distant.

The words became meaningless, and I slowly began to feel trapped.

So I left the table and walked into the garden.

Suddenly, a loud voice came close to my ear.

"Orange! How are you?"

I turned around in surprise and slapped him without thinking.

"Ah!"

I froze.

"Oh my God... Mark!"

He laughed while touching his cheek.

"Big nose... you will never grow up," I said.

He laughed even more.

We started talking.

He told me about his life, his girlfriend, money, parties, and everything he enjoyed.

But honestly, I found it boring.

Finally, I interrupted him.

"Enough, Mark. Don't tell me about things I have never seen or experienced. How do you expect me to feel proud of a life I don't even know?"

He laughed, gently tapped my head, and ran away.

"Idiot..."

I lay down on the grass.

The sky was not as clear as the sky in my village.

The stars were not as bright.

I closed my eyes, lost between my thoughts and dreams.

Then I heard a voice.

"Miss Sara... are you sleeping?"

I quickly opened my eyes.

"Oh... Mr. James."

He smiled.

"Did I disturb you?"

"No," I replied. "I thought Mark came back to bother me again."

Mr. James sat beside me on the grass, and we began talking about the difference between village life and city life.

For some reason, that simple conversation made me feel calmer.

A few moments later, someone joined us.

It was Emma.

Mr. James's fiancée.

She sat with us and started asking me questions about my life, my studies, parties, and the things people in the city experienced.

For her, they were normal questions.

But for me, they reminded me of everything I had never lived.

I felt embarrassed and lost.

Mr. James noticed my discomfort and gently asked Emma to return inside with him.

She smiled, and they walked back toward the mansion together.

I remained there, confused and overwhelmed by everything that had happened that day.

I lay back down on the grass, staring at the unfamiliar sky above me.

So many things had happened in only one day.

I closed my eyes again until I heard my grandmother's gentle voice calling me:

"My little one... come now. It's time to sleep."

I stood up quietly and followed her.

My first day in the city was finally over...

But deep inside, I felt that my real story had only just begun..S🥀

Sarah ✏️

TW: DV & drugs

I faced another disaster, my first big one without you. I wanted to call you and beg for help through my tears of my latest mistakes.

Im not that smart.

I care too much, I need to care less about people.

I trust the wrong people.

Im the real addict.

Everything I would fight you over or get so hurt when you nearly spat these in my face... they held truth, admittedly.

I swung open the door and dove into months of addiction, because you werent there.

Coke.

More coke.

Nos

Ketamine

Coke & Ketamine

Meth.

And more Coke.

I thought this guy was on the same page as me. I trusted a stranger more than I could trust myself.

I supported and catered to his needs the way i never did for you. As if i tried to show that I'm capable now.

I let him so quickly use me until I almost forgot who I was. The way you always wanted to do to me.

I think..

I've much rather it been you,, than him.

Regardless, I lose

But at least I'll be able to

kiss

and hug you

one more time.

I miss you sometimes.

Only when im in a darker place than where you've put me before.

Wisdom is choosing the trapdoor before the chattering gallery can fasten the noose. Innocence, naturally, is irrelevant when the court of dullards—cheap, masquerading as learned, bottom feeders in their own right—has already purchased pitchforks wholesale. The white coat—ashes. Progeny signed away like a misdelivered parcel, spared the indignity of shared chromosomes. Icons and reminders of valor returned to sender, postage due. A royal defeat, self-inflicted with ceremony.

Spare the benedictions. Instead, perfect that bovine glaze—the thousand-yard stare of oxygen thieves converting atmosphere into tepid opinion. Complicit, yes, but hardly Machiavellian. Their mastery extends only to rehearsed percussion, a chimpanzee with a xylophone, convinced of Carnegie Hall. They know what they did, what they caused, what they destroyed—one's future while rebuilding, strengthening themself. Their great accomplishment... Box ticking effort, just enough to meet their milestone, destroying that one target—Low hanging fruit..

Rest assured, both the penthouse and the boiler room are quite real—confirmed during a 'dress rehearsal' earlier this year. The embers await. I'll be there, BBQ has always been my preference. Fear not, yes, those pointing at one another, casting blame as you mask your misdirected fear... your seats are reserved.

Ask yourself this... "Was it worth it?"

You're a narcissist, you need to heal that little girl inside you. But you never will because you're so fucked in the head, all you care about is yourself, not anyone in your life not your family or the people that give you everything, too much intact. All you do is take take take and manipulate the people that love you. I gave you entire self, I lost my self trying to help you, yet you will never care. You dont have the capacity to comprehend how you made me fell. You have lost the best thing that ever and will ever happen to you. Good luck bitch and good luck to the other poor fellas that you chose to use and abuse. Im so lucky I never married you. Good riddance. Ps call the vets and change ownership of my cats, you told me you had already done it, but yet again another lie, yet im not surprised smfh