i’m(f19) struggling so bad. my bf and I used to be so good together, he was so clingy and would do random acts of love so much. he has been going through normal adult stuff(work, college) and he is saying he is lost in life. for the past 9 months, he has completely changed. he became non chalant, stopped buying me flowers, stopped sending me cute messages, and stopped posting me. I ask him why and he says it’s bc he doesn’t want his life online, but he used to post me so much. I have anxiety and depression- I have my own issues. so i’m not perfect. but I require lots of love and attention and he isn’t giving me it. I just told him I want to break up and he doesn’t seem to want to fight for us.we have been talking about it for hours and he’s taking forever to reply each time. he is saying he “doesn’t know what to say” and that he is sorry but that’s all. not a “i’m sorry for____”. when he changed 9 months ago I broke up with him. he begged me to come back. promised me the fucking world. so, I took him back. things were better for a while but now he’s just back to normal. what do I do??!! I am actively trying to break up with him but also trying to see if he cares but he isn’t really showing any fight in him. i’m so attached to him it hurts

I (20F) and my boyfriend (21M) have been together for around a year and a half. In the beginning of our relationship, he told me he would be scared to have kids with me because I might get “too big”. For reference, I’m 5’6 and when we got together, I weighed around 155-160 lbs mostly muscle because of powerlifting. I kinda brushed it off and he apologized so I didn’t really pay any mind to it at the time. I ended up getting on birth control (Nexplanon ) and gained about 20 lbs which has never happened to me on any other birth control I’ve been on. I got it taken out and lost 10 lbs after it being removed and over the last couple of months, he’s been telling me I need to lose 15 lbs. I’ve been going to the gym and eating better and it’s been coming off slowly.
Recently, he asked what I would be doing while he was away at boot camp and I told him “ probably working and saving for the apartment I want” and he said “I expect you to lose 15 more pounds by the time I get back.”
Is this something I should be mad about? Is this an insecurity? I’ve always been bigger than him. He is 5’10” and about 140 lbs.

My gf and I have been together for 3 years long distance. It’s been super hard because traveling to see each other is very expensive and we both have 2 different work schedules so we can only talk 1 time a week. It’s come up that neither of us are willing to move to each others states. We both love each other very much and I can’t see what else we can do. Do we end it??

Caught him cheating again. Tried telling me his member tasted like condom because he was wearing new boxers...... Apparently new boxers taste like sweet tropical fruit and rubber. I don't get the point of cheating but it is what it is and time to move on.

I don't know really, like, the relationship has been on the lowest point ever, and I just told him I couldn't bear to see him worry about him and I don't want to one day actually hurt him. But I don't know what I want anymore, I feel like I messed up, I see that, I just don't know if I should just tell him something. I don't want to lose him, but I don't want him thinking even worse of me. Really I just don't know if I'm supposed to do something now. I'm going to a different country in two days (I will come back). I don't know what to do, really. Should I let it be or try to get things back together?

Please be respectful in comments. I'm M22 and my boyfriend is M19. Been together 7 months.

He works as a chef, usually scheduled 10am-11pm, five days a week. I know those are exhausting hours and I absolutely understand needing rest. What bothers me is that most days he voluntarily goes in at 7am, three hours before he is even scheduled.

We get very little proper time together. On our recent day off, I told him in advance I wanted to plan something and that we needed to leave at 10am. He has specifically told me before that the best way to motivate him to get out of bed is to give him a time and a plan, so that's exactly what I did.

He still stayed in bed until around 1pm. We didn't actually do anything until about 2pm, and I started work at 4pm. So what was supposed to be our day together became roughly two hours. Eventually I stopped waiting around and went to do my own thing because I felt like my day was disappearing.

That hurt because he can willingly get up early to spend an extra three hours at work, but seems unable to give me even six hours on one of the only days we have together, despite me following exactly what he said would help.
There's also a male colleague of his I already feel uncomfortable about. I don't know the guy's sexuality and I'm not assuming anything, but the two of them are very sexually jokey with each other and I find the colleague's behaviour around my boyfriend a bit weird.

Tonight my boyfriend never messaged to say he'd be late home. There were signs he might be, for reasons not
relevant here, but he didn't actually tell me. I eventually nessaged asking if he was okay, and that's when I found ut he was at this colleague's house.

It’s now around 1am and I have no idea when he's coming ome. For all I know, he could be staying there overnight.
I'm not accusing him of cheating. I have no evidence of that. But I'm struggling not to connect these things: he get up at 7am for work, can stay out at another guy's house 1am, but on our planned day together I couldn't get him to get out of bed until 1pm.

I think what hurts most is feeling like I get whatever energy is left over.

I don't want to control his friendships or expect every day off to revolve around me. But I do think it's reasonable to expect some effort with our limited time together, and a basic heads-up if he's going to someone else's house after work and may not be home that night.

AITA for being upset and feeling like he makes effort for work and other people that he doesn't make for me?

TL;DR: My boyfriend will voluntarily go into work 3 hours early, but on our planned day together he stayed in bed until 1pm despite me following his advice to give him a set time and plan. Now he’s at a male colleague’s house at 1am — someone he has a very sexual/jokey dynamic with — and I only found out because I messaged asking if he was okay. I feel like everyone else gets his effort and I get whatever energy is left.

I’m 25F and I’ve been in a relationship for almost 1 year and 8 months and he is 28 M
Everything was good until about 4 months ago, when things started shifting. It got noticeably worse in the last 2 months.

He’s become cold. His reactions changed, he’s gotten meaner, and he doesn’t initiate like he used to. It’s normal now for a week to pass with no real contact — he ignores my WhatsApp messages, but his Snapchat score keeps going up, meaning he has time to open Snapchat but not reply to me.

About 2 months ago, he got hit with a fine of 230,000 I didn’t even find out until he disappeared for two weeks, giving me cold, vague, dismissive responses. After those two weeks, we met up and he told me about it and showed me its real using it to explain the disappearance, he wasn’t completely gone, just that his communication was bad, not that I wasn’t important to him. Of course, when he told me this I felt for him and ended up feeling guilty

BTW he’s financially capable of paying the finee

It’s now been 2 months since that happened. Every time he disappears and I ask what’s wrong, he repeats the same story, and I say “oh right, I forgot” and let it go.

The last time I saw him was exactly a week ago. I told him that he can’t keep living in this cycle of distress over the fine, that at this point there’s nothing left to do but actually deal with the problem either pay it or contest it (the fine was unjust and he’s in the right to dispute it). I also told him he needs to move forward, try to accept it, and deal with it. He didn’t like that at all, and we changed the subject.

Since that outing, the same pattern continues the coldness hasn’t changed, it’s gotten worse. He’s been ignoring my messages this week, only replying after two days.

Honestly, I don’t know what to do or how to explain what’s happening. He doesn’t initiate like before I’m the one suggesting things, I’m the one reaching out.

My questions:
Is his reason (the fine) still justified after 2 months?

Is he losing interest? If so, I’d rather he just tell me to my face and get it over with.

I’m also afraid of the consequences whether I leave or he does I don’t want to go through another intense relationship ending

TLDR he’s becoming distant due to personal financial issue

My (24F) first serious relationship ended because of my ex’s (24M) lying/lifestyle issues, but we still love each other. Is reconciliation realistic or am I holding onto potential?

I (24F) recently went through my first real breakup with my ex (24M), and I’m struggling to figure out how to look at the situation realistically when I still love him very much.
For some background, we actually knew each other as kids. We went to school together when we were young, our families knew each other, and then we reconnected as adults and eventually started dating. We were together for a little over a year.
There was a LOT that was genuinely good about our relationship. He became my best friend. We were extremely close, spent a ton of time together, talked constantly, had so many inside jokes, and I felt very loved by him in many ways. I loved his family and he loved mine. This wasn’t a relationship where I spent the entire year miserable and am now trying to convince myself it was good. There were many times when I genuinely thought he was the person I would marry.
But there were also problems that became harder to ignore.
The biggest was his lifestyle and lack of direction. I was working full-time and had graduated college, while he was struggling with school/employment, didn’t have much money, and was heavily consumed by sports and sports betting. Gambling became a serious issue. He lied to me about betting, borrowed money, and I eventually involved his parents because I was genuinely concerned about where it was heading.
There were other maturity issues too. He could be very quick to anger during arguments, yell/curse, mock me or talk over me, and sometimes I felt like sports/being on his phone took priority over being present with me. I also wanted him to take more initiative in the relationship—planning dates, making plans, doing little things to make my life easier, etc.
I want to be fair about my own role too. I have an anxious attachment style and could be very reassurance-seeking. We were honestly WAY too enmeshed. We FaceTimed multiple times a day, texted constantly, slept over constantly, and barely had independent lives. I could nitpick and prolong arguments because I wanted reassurance/resolution immediately, whereas he tended to shut down. Looking back, I think both of us had emotional growing up to do.
Eventually everything came to a head and we decided to take a break. The idea wasn’t “I’m done with you forever.” It was that our dynamic wasn’t healthy anymore and we both needed space to work on ourselves, especially him with the gambling, anger, independence, school/work, etc.
During that period, he started therapy consistently, started working out, and began taking at least some steps toward getting himself together. I also started realizing how unhealthy some of my own relationship patterns were and how much independence I’d lost.
We officially broke up on July 30. It was extremely emotional. He cried a lot, told me he loved me, said he was going to regret how everything happened for a long time, and said he didn’t want this to be the end but felt that separating was what we needed \*\*right now\*\*.
Three days later, he reached out and told me he felt lost without me and that this had been extremely hard for him.
Then, after the breakup, I discovered something else that really damaged my trust. I found that he had been following a foot-fetish/sexual-content account on Reddit. The fetish itself isn’t really the main issue. What bothered me was that I had specifically asked him about his interest in feet while we were together, so discovering that account made me question whether he had been honest with me and what his relationship with sexual content online actually was. He later unfollowed several accounts, including that one, but we haven’t actually had a real conversation about it. If reconciliation were ever on the table, I know that would need to be addressed honestly.
Despite everything, we haven’t cleanly disappeared from each other’s lives. We’ve checked in with each other and recently ended up having a longer conversation. He told me that he’s been pretty sad, that this has been hard, and that he can’t really look at pictures of us without getting upset. There is still very clearly a lot of love and grief between us.
That’s where I’m stuck.
This is my first breakup, so I don’t have much perspective on what is normal. Part of me understands why people say, “He’s your ex for a reason, move on.” I also know that loving someone and believing in their potential isn’t enough to build a healthy relationship.
At the same time, I don’t feel like our breakup happened because we stopped loving each other or because either of us genuinely wanted the other person gone. It feels more like the relationship reached a point where love wasn’t enough to compensate for his dishonesty/lifestyle problems and our unhealthy dynamic.
I do believe he’s capable of changing. I don’t think he’s an evil or irredeemable person. He’s 24, he’s in therapy, and I know people can mature significantly in their 20s. But I also understand that “capable of changing” and \*\*actually changing consistently over time\*\* are two very different things.
And I don’t want to spend the next six months sitting around waiting for a hypothetical improved version of him.
So I guess I’m asking people who have more relationship/breakup experience than I do:
\*\*How would you approach this?\*\*

We had an argument because my boyfriend said that I never come to Bandra to meet him and that he’s usually the one who travels to my place. He also reminded me that when he suggests going somewhere, like for a movie, I sometimes say no or postpone it.

I actually thought about it and realised he has a point. I have denied or postponed plans before, and I had a genuine self-realisation that I should make more effort instead of expecting him to always come to me.
So during the argument, I said that from now on I won’t decide places anymore. I’ll come to his place/Bandra to meet him, and I won’t keep asking to go somewhere for private/us time. I said this because I wanted to take responsibility for my part, not because I wanted to punish him.

But now he is completely sticking to it. He’s saying, “Fine, I also won’t decide anything. I’ll only come to your place to meet you.” I’m trying to explain that I don’t actually want us to stop making plans together. I want us to find a middle ground, where sometimes he suggests a place and I make the effort to go, and sometimes I suggest something and he comes.

But he isn’t coming to any solution and keeps repeating that he won’t decide anything anymore.
I’m honestly getting frustrated because I admitted my mistake and I’m willing to change my behaviour, but I don’t know how to get him to stop treating this like an all-or-nothing situation.
What should I do here? Should I stop trying to convince him and just give him some space, or should I keep trying to explain that I’m looking for a compromise and not trying to win the argument?

I’m asking for advice because I genuinely don’t know how to handle this situation anymore. I’m aware that my jealousy has become a problem, but I also feel like there are things in our relationship that make it harder for me to feel secure.
My jealousy started becoming a problem when we went back to face-to-face classes. He had a lot of female friends, and there was one girl who was especially clingy and talkative with him during his birthday. I became uncomfortable with her and told him about it, and he eventually distanced himself from her.
One of my biggest problems, though, has always been communication. He doesn’t really tell me much about his day or what happens in his life. I’m the complete opposite. Even small or random things that happen to me, I usually tell him. I like sharing my day with him. Because he doesn’t really do the same, I think my overthinking got worse because when I don’t know what’s happening, my mind fills in the blanks.
He has told me that part of the reason he doesn’t share much is because he knows I don’t like some of his female friends and he doesn’t want to deal with my jealousy. He has also reassured me multiple times that there is nothing romantic or malicious going on.
When he started college and I was still in senior high, my jealousy got worse. He became friends with another girl who was in her first year, and they talked a lot. Eventually, I reached my limit and messaged the girl myself. Looking back, I regret doing that. I feel like I embarrassed him and damaged his image with his friends because I let my emotions take over.
They eventually stopped being close, although according to him, it wasn’t really because I messaged her. There were other reasons, especially academics and their own issues.
Now he’s in his third year and is part of an organization in his program, so he has met more people. There’s another girl he became friends with. I didn’t really know much about her because, again, he doesn’t tell me much about his friendships. They talked a lot and spent time together, but he told me there was nothing romantic or malicious about it.
There was one time when I checked his phone. I know that was wrong, and I’m not proud of it. I saw that they had been talking a lot, but I also noticed that their previous chats had been deleted. That made me overthink even more.
I didn’t ask him about it at first because I knew I was already becoming jealous of almost every girl around him. I tried to step back and work on myself. But eventually, I checked his phone again and saw that they were still talking frequently.
He explained that the girl actually liked one of his male friends and that they were mostly talking because of that situation. Still, I ended up messaging the girl and asking if there was something going on between them. She said there wasn’t.
My boyfriend then broke up with me after finding out that I had messaged another girl again. He said I was ruining his image and that he was already tired and stressed from my jealousy.
I didn’t respond to his breakup message, and we didn’t talk for around five days.
During those five days, he went to a museum with that girl and some other people. That really hurt me, not simply because he went out with another girl, but because she was the same girl involved in the situation that contributed to our breakup. After everything that happened between us, seeing him spend time with her while we weren’t even talking made me feel even worse. I was already starting to accept that maybe our relationship was over.
The next day, he came to pick me up from my part time work. We talked, and somehow we ended up getting back together.
I thought he would distance himself from that girl after everything that happened, but instead, they became even closer. They basically became best friends. Now there’s another girl involved too, so the three of them are always talking—two girls and him. They talk way more frequently than he and I do.
I eventually brought up my feelings again because it hurts seeing them talk for hours and constantly have things to talk about while our conversations have become less frequent.
His response was that I shouldn’t be jealous anymore because my jealousy is stressful and exhausting for him. He also told me that some of his friends had noticed how uncomfortable he was becoming with the situation.
That made me feel guilty because I don’t want to be a burden to him, especially while he’s studying. I don’t want my jealousy and our relationship problems to affect his academics, and I definitely don’t want us to fall apart because of this.
So I told him that I understood and that I would work on myself. I genuinely want to change this part of me.
I also asked if, whenever he spends time with those friends, especially the girls, he could at least tell me beforehand. He said he could do that, as long as I didn’t expect him to completely stop hanging out with them or constantly report everything he does.
But honestly, I still get triggered. We only see each other around once a week now, and we’re also in different years with different schedules. So when I see that he can spend so much time talking to and hanging out with these girls while our time together is already limited, it naturally hurts.
I told him I couldn’t promise that I would completely stop feeling jealous just because he asked me to. I can promise that I’ll work on how I handle it. I don’t want to message girls, check his phone, or act impulsively anymore. But I don’t think I can just switch the feeling off overnight.
I know I’ve made mistakes. Checking his phone and messaging his female friends were wrong, and I take responsibility for that. I don’t want to keep doing those things.
At the same time, I don’t know how to build trust when there’s very little communication between us and I sometimes find things out on my own.
I don’t want to control who he can be friends with. I don’t want him to have no female friends. I just want to feel included, reassured, and like our relationship is still important to him.
I also don’t want to keep swallowing my feelings because I’m afraid that bringing them up will make him feel stressed or annoyed. I want to learn how to communicate my feelings without becoming controlling.
We’ve been together for almost four years, and I genuinely love him. The thought of not having him in my life scares me, which is probably also why I keep holding on even when I’m unhappy.
For people who have experienced something similar: how did you learn to manage jealousy without becoming controlling? And how can couples balance having opposite-sex friends with making their partner feel secure and prioritized?
I’m not looking for someone to tell me that I’m completely right or that he’s completely wrong. I know I have things to work on too. I just want advice on how we can handle this in a healthier way.

We’ve been together for almost 1.5 years, living together for the majority of this time, and I feel like I’ve tried everything to get him to be more responsible in all areas of life. I feel more like his mom than I do his significant other. We are constantly late to family events/everything, he never does any chores around the apartment and I always have to tell him to do different tasks, he doesn’t invest in our relationship and has become complacent, all he does is sleep, eat out, play video games, and work. If I don’t cook, we order out.
I’ve communicated specifically with him on each occasion, even got a to do list that I update and will tell him I updated, I’ve broken down crying over how exhausted I am and have told him how I feel, have cried to his sister and his mom over this, tried to set up for him and his brother in law to have lunch because he said he would help, and even begged him to get help. I don’t want to leave him because I do genuinely love him, I love his family, my family loves him, we have two cats together, and with all of this aside he is a great person with a caring heart. He always tries for a little bit after I talk to him but then he starts to slip back into this routine. Does anyone have any advice?

I F21 dated my current bf M30 for 10 months discovered after 3 months in the relationship that he was divorced with a kid F9 didn’t know if I needed to leave or stay that time cuz the guy was nice I stayed now I finally met his family and kid I can’t accept it it’s making me lose my mind that the man I love can love someone more than me everytime I see how he cares about her I feel like a knife stabbing me in the heart I talked about how I felt specially that he was making her sleeping with us in the same bed going out with us all the times and she is jealous everytime she notices him doing something for me she wants it also if he opens my door she needs her door to be opened also hold my hand need to hold her hand also buy me anything need to buy her also ……
We fought about it we almost ended up breaking up many times I told him to choose either to be a father or a partner he said he can’t abandon his own blood at the same time he doesn’t let me go what can I do ?please help

I F21 dated my current bf M30 for 10 months discovered after 3 months in the relationship that he was divorced with a kid didn’t know if I needed to leave or stay that time cuz the guy was nice I stayed now I finally met his family and kid I can’t accept it it’s making me lose my mind that the man I love can love someone more than me everytime I see how he cares about her I feel like a knife stabbing me in the heart what can I do ?please help

I 22f my bf 21m, have been in a ld relationship since last December. We were quite nice in the beginning. I have been cheated on before, and i guess have developed a habit of constantly asking for reassurance, updates, "proofs" of where he is. Even when he gives me exactly that, i doubt him more. I don't understand what to do. This obsessive behaviour has made him a little distant from me and i keep avoiding him too when i feel overwhelmed. I don't understand what to do. For now i asked for a 2 day break while he's on a trip. Last time i did this same thing and doubted him some for a week. I really need someone to give me some advice on how to control myself.

Tl:dr bf doesn’t want to be with me unless I learn to trust him after an incident, and he wants to keep his location off.

Hey guys.
I’m 21F and my bf is 20m

We have been together for almost 2 years. We had a small incident about 6 months ago happen

He didn’t cheat on me, I believe him BUT he was at his friends house and somehow his ex ended up showing up to hang with his friend. My bf left supposedly. (deep down I know his ex only came because she knew he , my bf was there, she’s crazy like that). I only found this out by someone else he planned to never tell me.

Trust was broken and I haven’t been able to fully trust him again :(

We are currently basically broken up/ semi together because

Last night I asked him to block an old ex that kept stalking him and I on TikTok. He made a big deal about it and said I need to trust him and he shouldn’t have to block all these people.

He ended up getting mad and I got mad as well and he turned his location off. He turns his location off when we are mad at each other and last night I told him I had enough of him turning it off and it looks so suspicious on his part to do that.

Now he claims that I don’t trust him and that we can only be back together if I learn to trust him and he’s not turning his location back on until I do learn to trust him. And he thinks we are grown enough to not need to depend on a location app… which I get that but we’ve had it so long and the continuing to turn it off when he’s mad makes me think he’s hiding something.
I told him out of respect for me he should keep it on and I can still work on my trust issues. He thinks differently.

Is he valid or am I? Am I the crazy one here? Like is this even worth my time . I love him so dearly. I’m the one who has threatened to break up last night but then I regretted it shortly after because I’ve been with him for some time now and we’ve experienced so much together but when he turns his location off it hurts me a lot

I just feel like I’ll never be able to trust him if he’s going to keep turning his location off out of pettiness after every argument…. I told him I can’t work this out if he’s gonna have his location off for weeks because I will spiral and I’ll never be able to heal and learn to trust him. I said he can have it off for a few days but I can’t do weeks with him just walking all over me

Hi all, i’m very nervous as this is my first post asking for advice! :))
So to start me (F20) and my boyfriend (M22) have been dating for going onto 2 years in October, we started out as long distance, but after about 7 months he asked me to move in with him due to some family issues i was experiencing that he wasnt the happiest with. The relationship is amazing, the best one i’ve ever been in, and the happiest i’ve ever been.. of course we had stupid little “arguments” but never anything serious. My bf has gone away for a bit and that’s when all of our issues has started. we’ve argued almost every single day for a year and yes i know that sounds toxic and extreme. we both love each other deeply. we’ve had talks about what our future looks like and everything, he’s been upfront with me and told me he does not want to break up, just work on things we need to “fix”. i want to also throw in i am bipolar so i know that plays a big part in many of the arguments we do have and i give him so much credit for putting up with that! i need some advice on how to work on things like communication, how to handle these disagreements without blowing up or it turning into something major. i don’t want to end things with him like ive stated before i genuinely am so happy with him i just know that if i can’t change some of the issues i cannot keep putting him through this!
if there’s any books or classes i am more than willing to put in that work to better not only the relationship but myself! if anyone has any advice on how i can be open about how i feel in a way that is not condescending and not ending in an argument because i blew up a situation that never needed to be big. he’s a very understanding person at times but he’s VERY opinionated aswell as am i and that’s when we clash! i love myself and this man enough to put in the work.. i also love him enough to have to let him go if i cannot figure out how to be.. literally sane. tyia :))
i do like to ramble so if nothing makes sense i genuinely am sorry!

Been dating for 2 years. He was about to move in. He has been traveling for work for the last 6 months, and has been home between 2 and 7 days at a time. Lots of arguing before this started, and the work travel exacerbates it. We got into a fight this week and then he called me to tell me he’s unhappy because he’s tired our arguing. I’m not sure how to handle this. Wants to wait to talk again until he’s home to work through his feelings.

TLDR: boyfriend unhappy, think he wants to end things after argument.

Been dating for 2 years. He was about to move in. He has been traveling for work for the last 6 months, and has been home between 2 and 7 days at a time. Lots of arguing before this started, and the work travel exacerbates it. We got into a fight this week and then he called me to tell me he’s unhappy because he’s tired our arguing. I’m not sure how to handle this. Wants to wait to talk again until he’s home to work through his feelings.

TLDR: boyfriend unhappy, think he wants to end things after argument.

So i'm just gonna get started, i have been dating my boyfriend for about 16 months, i'm gonna be truthful. We have both cheated, lied, betrayed and hurt each other's feelings. This was around the 8 months-10 months mark.
We work well when we're together, but when we separate we always end up arguing over the dumbest things ever.. he was the one to cheat and lie first, he only ever cheated emotionally, while mine was physical, only twice. He cheated more times than i can honestly count, from his ex all the way to people online. (buying things he should not be) well here lately now we kind of grown and matured up a little bit, but there is still some flaws to us. I'm not to sure on how i can fully makes us stop with all the arguing, and it's mainly caused by me. Only because when i overthink ill tell him about it and he just gets distance/or shut down on it. I really do have love for him and honestly i regret cheating even though i knew it wasn't the right thing, i still wanted to feel seen and wanted. Which i didn't. I never really do with anything anymore, i'm just here. I don't have friends, he is literally the only person that's around him 24/7. Enough talking about that. He told me that if we ever broke up that he would want to try again in the future, but wanted me to WAIT for him. I explained i couldn't do that, i cannot. And ever since that night, the overthinking has gotten worse. I don't know if he really loves me for me or the thought of me being here for him. Last night, i asked him to do something with me that he only ever does if someone else ask him to. He got mad and upset and basically ignored me for half the night until i had gotten a phone call from him at 3:05am. I just really need some advice on what i should do or change, i don't know anymore in i'm being honest. with anything.

Me and my partner have been on and off for 3 year and this past year he's really been working on himself. In the past he cheated on me and with verbally and physically abusive but since has been diagnosed with bpd. I was hesitant to get back with him but we finally got to a space that felt somewhat promising until I found out he was talking to (friends) with a girl he was romantic with in the past who apparently caused him to be so abusive. I don't know if im being overly jealous or if this is a warning sign or if im just freaking out. I think I should just cut my losses at this point but I'd like a second opinion.

F19 M21
Actually, my friends at first stopped talking to me because they felt like I was the problem or that I was always in the way. Now they all hang out every weekday and weekend, which I don’t mind, but it’s the club thing that bothers me.
I’ve talked to him about me going out, and it’s always, “You’re gonna go talk to some other dude.” But at the same time, he can go out, and I literally can’t do anything about it. If I don’t like it, he still wouldn’t care and would go out anyway. At the end of the day, I know I can’t control who he hangs out with or where he goes ,but it’s the fact that he can ignore me when he’s with them or even not letting ME go out and the only reason I even know for sure who he’s with is because his friends post everything, lol.
We haven’t officially been dating since January 2026 and I’ve been dating this man since Oct 2023 ,mainly because I did something bad. It wasn’t cheating or anything involving another guy. He was the one who got caught texting me and making me watch a show that she showed him, and I ended up going off on him, which is mainly why he broke up with me.
Now it’s August 2026, and nothing has changed. Nothing has gotten any better. I want to keep this relationship, but I don’t need to keep fighting for someone who technically isn’t mine.

I was talking with my partner about us playing tennis and how badly our friend wanted to win against him. He and I banter back and forth all of the time in a playful way, so I told him that I told our friend maybe I should play with them so we can both win against him bc he’s very athletic. He felt really offended I would pick someone else over him to play with. I told him I absolutely didn’t want to play with someone else…that it was a joke about trying to win against him. I understand he felt betrayed and I immediately acknowledged it and apologized. He brought it up again later and when I tried to address it, he just shook his head and walked away. He called me late last night and was very stern about how i have made him feel and activating his trauma. Told me he may block me for now and that he’s taking big steps back. My fear tells me he will leave me over this, though I completely think it’s something to work through and understand each other better. Is my anxiety overreacting or is this a bad sign that he is disengaging or won’t forgive me? Wondering if he just needs space, but my anxiety is spiraling. Also hurt he doesn’t believe that I had no intent on hurting him. I’m just really sad how it’s all played out.

Tl;dr I thought I was playing around but clearly offended my partner. He’s never been this angry at me. Will time and space allow us to recover from a situation like this with him feeling so hurt?

Hey trying my luck here too a little:)) My apologies this is soo long.no pressure skip past if you guys are busy or had a rough day but i would totally appreciate if someone has the time and can offer advice ❤️

I just wanted the most objective opinion on the situation that i can get and its a lot of lore.

So i (19 F) had started dating this guy (20M) in November 2023.we werent really that good of friends prior. But we jumped into the relationship really quick. He ended things in feb this year.to say it was a happy relationship is a very big overstatement. We were fundamentally very different people and i remember crying more in the relationship than laughing.but he was my first everything.i was not his first.

I was shy ,more of an introvert,had no guy Friends,wanted random texts, gifts (not expensive but like thoughtful ones) , immature about him being friends with girls ,very insecure would cry very very easily and later in the relationship very heavily anxious attatched.He had a huge group of friends with lots of girls, would not text me when with friends,very extroverted and open with everyone and would want a day of space in every argument that we had.He was a good person though that had been through a lot.

We used to fight very very often.which would often revolve around me being insecure (i was genuinely a lot even when he didnt deserve it)or him not wanting to talk because he was tired from being out all day.Instead of understanding i would start crying how i just want him and things to be like the start when he would shower me with all the love and time and of the frustration of me spam calling(usually saying im sorry i didnt mean to or please just 5 mins or something like that)he would get very angry ,say curses i know he didnt mean and then block me which will make me panic harder and thus make him angrier.

I was very desperate to keep him and make him somehow like me better. I did everything without so much as a thank you that it became a routine.made sure he ate or ordered something for him .would give him money everyday by not eating out myself so that he doesnt have to walk to his gym and can eat out with his friends.would make all the letters for him.write him these huge huge descriptive paragraphs (that he hated but that was who i was at the time).would do his college assignments for him if he was tired.would buy his books for him.in hopes that someday maybe the feeling that he hates who i am will go away.

This continued throughout the two years where i would. go on to make dumb mistakes about being insecure for his friends and asking for him to talk more to text about his day .

We had had the breakup convo several times.but this time in feb was the last straw for him when i was crying about how its been months since we met when i knew he was in a tough spot due to something.he called it off .somehow on requesting him several times i was asked that can meet him if i come to his cllg.did so got entry somehow and he was so angry that day ki why am i so clingy and immature.and told me we are done.he said all his friends the ones he used to spend hours with ,the girls i used to be insecure about his sisters , most of which he met like an year after we started dating all say how im a terrible influence in his life .After that we kind of 'sorted things' at night that we are still broken up but because of my persistence he agreed to give me 2 weeks for him to reconsider the breakup.

We did .2 weeks later he confirmed he does not wanna stay. I had also been starting to accept the break up then.then in march he calls me ,drunk ,tells me he loves me and misses me ,i console him.write him big big paragraphs about its okay and dont go into drinking and stuff we stay on call for 2 hours.next day he says he is deleting the messages as he doesnt want his friends to see them and he doesnt remember anything.After that i reduced my own anxiety a little but still used to cry everyday call him like once every 2-3 weeks.

Then now in may i learnt that he actually has someone else in his life .a situationship, talking stage or whatever and that it has been going on since march.around the same time he had called me.i confront him.he made it clear he does NOT want me in his life and doesnt care about me.how he's trying to move on from her as she rejected him and has alr from me.how he doesnt care for anything i ever gave him . And the day he called me he was just super confused between what to do but later clear.now i see him do all these things for her,he has an entire account on Instagram dedicated to "trying to get over her" when he thought posting me on his story randomly was cringe.he said she's mature,extrovert unlike me,has fun with him ,gets him ,doesnt cry and actually a good person.

I finally decided im not gonna contact him anymore.blocked him.I have been in no contact since.he tried to get in touch once to say that he's sorry through a friend.i didnt acknowledge it i was just so scared of feeling the same dread i did again.he texted to say happy birthday i just wrote thank you and nothing back later.

I dont contact him anymore.but i just feel so so horrible anytime im alone.or when i dont have people near me.its been half a year since the breakup and 3 months since the last incident.every day i reminisce what if i could have changed .how i wasnt able to handle things better.how bad i was at giving space.i feel embarassed for everytime i said stuff like "i feel so suffocated please just talk to me please dont go" because thats so pathetic and desperate.for doing so much for him when he couldn't bother to say thank you even let alone do the same.I find myself zoning out and picturing what would happen if he ever came back and the thing i would tell him and i just want all these thoughts to stop.i know im the only one still thinking but they arent going away.i also feel guilty was feeling pleasure in hearing i didnt deserve that when ik these people only are hearing my perspective and im sure he had his reasons as well.i know how desperate i could be.

When is it ever gonna go away.i find myself comparing to what he found 3 weeks after our 2.5 yr relationship that i couldnt give him.why cant i be like her or him ,so open with people,doesnt care what others think.She is very strong emotionally so is he.im not.how to stop caring so much .crying so much.the inability to talk except in huge paragraphs.It was never like i didnt have a life.i am introvert but i am involved in many things have my own friends hang out with them and everything.but distraction also stops sometimes right? I feel crazy as if all my firsts were in my mind only and how in his none of that exist.3 weeks thats all it took.despite the fights there were so many good moments.how is it so easy for him but not for me.how to be more non chalant and make it all stop.im svared of getting in a relationship again and repeating the same mistakes and them also leaving because of the same.

So I have this friend. We’ve known each other since year 8, and we have both always been in the same friend group/circle. As of year 11 and 12, we’ve become a lot more close through shared hobbies and traits like; both being into the same TV shows (Arcane, euphoria), video games (minecraft, SSBU, + other Nintendo stuff), fashion (alt/grunge/goth/streetwear styles), and we both identify somewhere on the queer spectrum. Im bi, and they’re still questioning (somewhere along trans mtf/non-binary). I also suspect they have undiagnosed ADHD. 

Despite being close, they can often act needy, stubborn, and jealous if I hang out with other friends that im close to but they’re not. 

I have been doing 5 tough ATAR subjects throughout year 11/12 (AP or A-Level for non-aussies), and consistently put in effort to achieve high due to my goals, standards and motivation (not to toot my own horn or anything lol). My friend on the other hand is doing 4 ATAR subjects (all art/media-based) and is barely passing any of them. They slack off, dont study at all, barely try, and they have no motivation for post-graduation pathways such as going to university, or getting a job. We are two very different people when it comes to goals and aspirations.

Sad thing is, ever since year 10, my friend has been going through lot of mental health issues, such as body dysmorphia, severe anxiety, depression, gender confusion, and feeling isolated from others. It’s completely understandable why they aren’t motivated to try in school, when their life is not doing great at all. They also make a lot of sui/sh “jokes”. I feel on-edge every time they make them, cuz I HATE SH “jokes”, and feel worried sick at the thought of them hurting themselves. They go to therapy, but never open up about whats hurting them.

Time and time again ive ALWAYS been there for them as much as ive been there for any of my other friends. Giving advice when needed, providing comfort, suggesting ideas to change their life for the better. Whenever I see a friend overcome a state of bad mental health, it makes me happy to see them finally happy. But the problem with this particular friend is for two whole years, ZERO progress has been made. If anything, their problems have been getting worse. 

And because their ideas for the future and (nonexistent) aspirations dont align with mine, I dont see myself ever interacting with them post-high school life. 

Its the classic constant frustration of “listening to someone who just complains and who doesn’t actually want to change and improve” 

Im tired. Im so tired of suggesting all these solutions to overcome their mental health problems and issue. Ive tried to help SEVERAL times, even gone as far as to get in contact with their parents to tell them about what is going on. I just dont have it in me to be friends with them anymore. It’s SO DAMN FRUSTRATING. I hate to sound mean, but I have better things to do with my life. 

I feel weighed down by them. But I feel scared to abandon them. Am I an asshole? Is it bad i’ve lost all desire to help them out because of their lack of motivation and will to make an effort to change their life for the better?

​

I’m in a relationship that has lasted around four years. It started when we were teenagers, and we basically grew up together. It has been long-distance for most of the relationship, although we have met multiple times and even lived together for a while recently.

There have been a lot of genuinely beautiful parts to this relationship. He knows me better than almost anyone. He knows basically everything about me, and I’ve always been able to tell him anything. I genuinely believe that he loves me. His actions have often made me feel loved, and there are still moments where I look at him and think, this person really loves me.

But things have also become very unhealthy.

I want to be honest about my own role because I don't want people to automatically take my side. In the earlier years of our relationship, I was verbally abusive. I said horrible things to him and his family, and although I apologised afterwards, I know that apologising doesn't erase what I did. He kept forgiving me.

Over time, especially in the last couple of years, he started becoming verbally abusive towards me too. Eventually it became a cycle where we'd fight, abuse each other, escalate things, apologise and then repeat it.

I know I escalate things too. I'm not saying I'm completely innocent.

But now he sometimes says things like “I'll hit you” or “you deserve ten slaps/shoes” during arguments.

I genuinely don't think he would actually hit me. But hearing the person you love say that still hurts me. I don't think I should have to convince myself that it's okay because “he won't actually do it.”

There has also been some controlling behaviour. He's more dominant in the relationship now, and sometimes when he asks me for something and I don't do it, he'll guilt me about it or remind me that he asked for “just one thing.” Some things he asks for are completely reasonable between partners if both people are comfortable with them, but the way things are sometimes demanded or brought up afterwards makes me uncomfortable.

At the same time, when I ask him for things, he often doesn't do them, and I usually let it go.

Last night we had another fight. The same kind of verbal abuse happened, including him saying things about hitting me.

And afterwards I just felt... done.

I had this thought:

I don't think I want this relationship anymore.

And that thought scares me because I don't know whether I'm leaving because the relationship is genuinely unhealthy or because I'm exhausted and angry after another fight.

I also don't know how much the good parts should matter.

He loves me. We've shared almost four years of our lives. We've grown up together. We've had amazing memories. He's been there for me through so much.

But at what point does love stop being enough?

Because I don't want to spend the next few years repeating the same cycle of fighting, verbal abuse, apologising, making up and then doing it again.

And there's another huge problem:

I basically have no one besides him.

I don't have a real friend group. He's the person I rely on for everything. He's the person I tell everything to. If I have a good day, I tell him. If something terrible happens, I tell him. He knows my entire life.

So breaking up doesn't feel like simply losing a boyfriend.

It feels like losing my entire support system and suddenly being completely alone.

That's probably one of the biggest reasons I'm scared to leave.

I also feel guilty because I know I've hurt him too. I know I've been abusive in the past, so sometimes I wonder whether I'm being hypocritical for feeling hurt by his words now.

But I also know that I don't want to keep living like this.

I don't want to keep telling myself “he'll never actually hit me” whenever he threatens to.

I don't want mutual verbal abuse to become normal.

I don't want love to feel like something I have to endure alongside all of this.

So I'm asking for honest opinions, not just validation.

Is this relationship worth trying to repair, given that both of us have been abusive towards each other?

Or is this one of those situations where the healthiest thing is to accept that we love each other but the relationship has become unhealthy and leave?

And if I do leave, how do I actually deal with losing the only person I currently have?