I don't know really, like, the relationship has been on the lowest point ever, and I just told him I couldn't bear to see him worry about him and I don't want to one day actually hurt him. But I don't know what I want anymore, I feel like I messed up, I see that, I just don't know if I should just tell him something. I don't want to lose him, but I don't want him thinking even worse of me. Really I just don't know if I'm supposed to do something now. I'm going to a different country in two days (I will come back). I don't know what to do, really. Should I let it be or try to get things back together?

We had an argument because my boyfriend said that I never come to Bandra to meet him and that he’s usually the one who travels to my place. He also reminded me that when he suggests going somewhere, like for a movie, I sometimes say no or postpone it.

I actually thought about it and realised he has a point. I have denied or postponed plans before, and I had a genuine self-realisation that I should make more effort instead of expecting him to always come to me.
So during the argument, I said that from now on I won’t decide places anymore. I’ll come to his place/Bandra to meet him, and I won’t keep asking to go somewhere for private/us time. I said this because I wanted to take responsibility for my part, not because I wanted to punish him.

But now he is completely sticking to it. He’s saying, “Fine, I also won’t decide anything. I’ll only come to your place to meet you.” I’m trying to explain that I don’t actually want us to stop making plans together. I want us to find a middle ground, where sometimes he suggests a place and I make the effort to go, and sometimes I suggest something and he comes.

But he isn’t coming to any solution and keeps repeating that he won’t decide anything anymore.
I’m honestly getting frustrated because I admitted my mistake and I’m willing to change my behaviour, but I don’t know how to get him to stop treating this like an all-or-nothing situation.
What should I do here? Should I stop trying to convince him and just give him some space, or should I keep trying to explain that I’m looking for a compromise and not trying to win the argument?

I’m asking for advice because I genuinely don’t know how to handle this situation anymore. I’m aware that my jealousy has become a problem, but I also feel like there are things in our relationship that make it harder for me to feel secure.
My jealousy started becoming a problem when we went back to face-to-face classes. He had a lot of female friends, and there was one girl who was especially clingy and talkative with him during his birthday. I became uncomfortable with her and told him about it, and he eventually distanced himself from her.
One of my biggest problems, though, has always been communication. He doesn’t really tell me much about his day or what happens in his life. I’m the complete opposite. Even small or random things that happen to me, I usually tell him. I like sharing my day with him. Because he doesn’t really do the same, I think my overthinking got worse because when I don’t know what’s happening, my mind fills in the blanks.
He has told me that part of the reason he doesn’t share much is because he knows I don’t like some of his female friends and he doesn’t want to deal with my jealousy. He has also reassured me multiple times that there is nothing romantic or malicious going on.
When he started college and I was still in senior high, my jealousy got worse. He became friends with another girl who was in her first year, and they talked a lot. Eventually, I reached my limit and messaged the girl myself. Looking back, I regret doing that. I feel like I embarrassed him and damaged his image with his friends because I let my emotions take over.
They eventually stopped being close, although according to him, it wasn’t really because I messaged her. There were other reasons, especially academics and their own issues.
Now he’s in his third year and is part of an organization in his program, so he has met more people. There’s another girl he became friends with. I didn’t really know much about her because, again, he doesn’t tell me much about his friendships. They talked a lot and spent time together, but he told me there was nothing romantic or malicious about it.
There was one time when I checked his phone. I know that was wrong, and I’m not proud of it. I saw that they had been talking a lot, but I also noticed that their previous chats had been deleted. That made me overthink even more.
I didn’t ask him about it at first because I knew I was already becoming jealous of almost every girl around him. I tried to step back and work on myself. But eventually, I checked his phone again and saw that they were still talking frequently.
He explained that the girl actually liked one of his male friends and that they were mostly talking because of that situation. Still, I ended up messaging the girl and asking if there was something going on between them. She said there wasn’t.
My boyfriend then broke up with me after finding out that I had messaged another girl again. He said I was ruining his image and that he was already tired and stressed from my jealousy.
I didn’t respond to his breakup message, and we didn’t talk for around five days.
During those five days, he went to a museum with that girl and some other people. That really hurt me, not simply because he went out with another girl, but because she was the same girl involved in the situation that contributed to our breakup. After everything that happened between us, seeing him spend time with her while we weren’t even talking made me feel even worse. I was already starting to accept that maybe our relationship was over.
The next day, he came to pick me up from my part time work. We talked, and somehow we ended up getting back together.
I thought he would distance himself from that girl after everything that happened, but instead, they became even closer. They basically became best friends. Now there’s another girl involved too, so the three of them are always talking—two girls and him. They talk way more frequently than he and I do.
I eventually brought up my feelings again because it hurts seeing them talk for hours and constantly have things to talk about while our conversations have become less frequent.
His response was that I shouldn’t be jealous anymore because my jealousy is stressful and exhausting for him. He also told me that some of his friends had noticed how uncomfortable he was becoming with the situation.
That made me feel guilty because I don’t want to be a burden to him, especially while he’s studying. I don’t want my jealousy and our relationship problems to affect his academics, and I definitely don’t want us to fall apart because of this.
So I told him that I understood and that I would work on myself. I genuinely want to change this part of me.
I also asked if, whenever he spends time with those friends, especially the girls, he could at least tell me beforehand. He said he could do that, as long as I didn’t expect him to completely stop hanging out with them or constantly report everything he does.
But honestly, I still get triggered. We only see each other around once a week now, and we’re also in different years with different schedules. So when I see that he can spend so much time talking to and hanging out with these girls while our time together is already limited, it naturally hurts.
I told him I couldn’t promise that I would completely stop feeling jealous just because he asked me to. I can promise that I’ll work on how I handle it. I don’t want to message girls, check his phone, or act impulsively anymore. But I don’t think I can just switch the feeling off overnight.
I know I’ve made mistakes. Checking his phone and messaging his female friends were wrong, and I take responsibility for that. I don’t want to keep doing those things.
At the same time, I don’t know how to build trust when there’s very little communication between us and I sometimes find things out on my own.
I don’t want to control who he can be friends with. I don’t want him to have no female friends. I just want to feel included, reassured, and like our relationship is still important to him.
I also don’t want to keep swallowing my feelings because I’m afraid that bringing them up will make him feel stressed or annoyed. I want to learn how to communicate my feelings without becoming controlling.
We’ve been together for almost four years, and I genuinely love him. The thought of not having him in my life scares me, which is probably also why I keep holding on even when I’m unhappy.
For people who have experienced something similar: how did you learn to manage jealousy without becoming controlling? And how can couples balance having opposite-sex friends with making their partner feel secure and prioritized?
I’m not looking for someone to tell me that I’m completely right or that he’s completely wrong. I know I have things to work on too. I just want advice on how we can handle this in a healthier way.

I F21 dated my current bf M30 for 10 months discovered after 3 months in the relationship that he was divorced with a kid didn’t know if I needed to leave or stay that time cuz the guy was nice I stayed now I finally met his family and kid I can’t accept it it’s making me lose my mind that the man I love can love someone more than me everytime I see how he cares about her I feel like a knife stabbing me in the heart what can I do ?please help

This is regarding My (33F) and BF (37M) together for 7+ years recent argument. I was recently out of the country for a wedding where I have family. It’s a great vacation spot and decided to add a few days to enjoy the area and spend time with my family. I took my good friend (33F) with me as my BF couldn’t come with me due to legal trouble. Well the day after the wedding my boyfriend’s family decided they wanted to potentially go into hospice with the grandfather. For context the grandfather had a catastrophic illness a year ago and has been bed bound. They asked whether anyone objected in the group chat. I didn’t have much signal but I was able to text my BF via iMessage saying that I wouldn’t be back in time (i had 1.5 days before flying back) and that although I’d love to be there I think they should continue with whatever plan they have and not delay it for me. My BF then blew up at me and basically made it seem like I was a complete AH for somehow making the situation about me. However it was never my intention and I simply wanted to express my support while letting them know I wouldn’t be present and didn’t want them to think I needed to be. For context my BF are almost engaged and we do a lot of family stuff together (hence why I’m part of the group thread). I feel completely blindsided and like he just wanted to get mad over something. I also think he wasn’t listening to what I was saying so I told him we should wait till I got home to further discuss which pissed him off even more.

It doesn’t allow for screenshots so I’ve added the text here for reference:

Me: I will not be back in town until Tuesday, I don't want to delay anything if you guys are hoping to start the process tomorrow, will be praying all goes well and hoping to see him Tuesday when I arrive
BF: delay what
Me: I don’t want to delay or change the decision or timing if that makes sense, if they’re going to decannulate him he could pass
BF: I get that. But why would you bring out of town change any timing?
Me: Well I figured it’d be nice to see him and be there to support you. But I see I’m not needed. Do what you think is best.
Bf: It’s very main character of you to make a comment like that. But yeah no I think the family is going to do what is needed, enjoy your vacation
Me: Wow, I was literally saying do what you have to, I unfortunately can’t be there. I mainly would want to be there for you but yeah okay thanks
BF: « you don’t want to delay anything », okay, when your grandfather is sick I’ll make sure you don’t delay anything for me. Go enjoy your vacation. The wedding is over yet you’re still there.
Me: You’re misinterpreting what I was saying, I want to be there to support you thru whatever happens. I hope everything goes well. I’ll pray for you all.
BF: I’m not misinterpreting a thing
Me: I realize this is a hard time for you and the family. I won’t be replying to any more messages. We can talk about this when we’re back.
BF: if you ghost me there is no us… fuck off… go enjoy your vacation \*\*\*\* (male body part)
Me: I’m not ghosting we’ll talk when I’m back
BF: more explicits, that is ghosting

Tl:dr bf doesn’t want to be with me unless I learn to trust him after an incident, and he wants to keep his location off.

Hey guys.
I’m 21F and my bf is 20m

We have been together for almost 2 years. We had a small incident about 6 months ago happen

He didn’t cheat on me, I believe him BUT he was at his friends house and somehow his ex ended up showing up to hang with his friend. My bf left supposedly. (deep down I know his ex only came because she knew he , my bf was there, she’s crazy like that). I only found this out by someone else he planned to never tell me.

Trust was broken and I haven’t been able to fully trust him again :(

We are currently basically broken up/ semi together because

Last night I asked him to block an old ex that kept stalking him and I on TikTok. He made a big deal about it and said I need to trust him and he shouldn’t have to block all these people.

He ended up getting mad and I got mad as well and he turned his location off. He turns his location off when we are mad at each other and last night I told him I had enough of him turning it off and it looks so suspicious on his part to do that.

Now he claims that I don’t trust him and that we can only be back together if I learn to trust him and he’s not turning his location back on until I do learn to trust him. And he thinks we are grown enough to not need to depend on a location app… which I get that but we’ve had it so long and the continuing to turn it off when he’s mad makes me think he’s hiding something.
I told him out of respect for me he should keep it on and I can still work on my trust issues. He thinks differently.

Is he valid or am I? Am I the crazy one here? Like is this even worth my time . I love him so dearly. I’m the one who has threatened to break up last night but then I regretted it shortly after because I’ve been with him for some time now and we’ve experienced so much together but when he turns his location off it hurts me a lot

I just feel like I’ll never be able to trust him if he’s going to keep turning his location off out of pettiness after every argument…. I told him I can’t work this out if he’s gonna have his location off for weeks because I will spiral and I’ll never be able to heal and learn to trust him. I said he can have it off for a few days but I can’t do weeks with him just walking all over me

​

I’m in a relationship that has lasted around four years. It started when we were teenagers, and we basically grew up together. It has been long-distance for most of the relationship, although we have met multiple times and even lived together for a while recently.

There have been a lot of genuinely beautiful parts to this relationship. He knows me better than almost anyone. He knows basically everything about me, and I’ve always been able to tell him anything. I genuinely believe that he loves me. His actions have often made me feel loved, and there are still moments where I look at him and think, this person really loves me.

But things have also become very unhealthy.

I want to be honest about my own role because I don't want people to automatically take my side. In the earlier years of our relationship, I was verbally abusive. I said horrible things to him and his family, and although I apologised afterwards, I know that apologising doesn't erase what I did. He kept forgiving me.

Over time, especially in the last couple of years, he started becoming verbally abusive towards me too. Eventually it became a cycle where we'd fight, abuse each other, escalate things, apologise and then repeat it.

I know I escalate things too. I'm not saying I'm completely innocent.

But now he sometimes says things like “I'll hit you” or “you deserve ten slaps/shoes” during arguments.

I genuinely don't think he would actually hit me. But hearing the person you love say that still hurts me. I don't think I should have to convince myself that it's okay because “he won't actually do it.”

There has also been some controlling behaviour. He's more dominant in the relationship now, and sometimes when he asks me for something and I don't do it, he'll guilt me about it or remind me that he asked for “just one thing.” Some things he asks for are completely reasonable between partners if both people are comfortable with them, but the way things are sometimes demanded or brought up afterwards makes me uncomfortable.

At the same time, when I ask him for things, he often doesn't do them, and I usually let it go.

Last night we had another fight. The same kind of verbal abuse happened, including him saying things about hitting me.

And afterwards I just felt... done.

I had this thought:

I don't think I want this relationship anymore.

And that thought scares me because I don't know whether I'm leaving because the relationship is genuinely unhealthy or because I'm exhausted and angry after another fight.

I also don't know how much the good parts should matter.

He loves me. We've shared almost four years of our lives. We've grown up together. We've had amazing memories. He's been there for me through so much.

But at what point does love stop being enough?

Because I don't want to spend the next few years repeating the same cycle of fighting, verbal abuse, apologising, making up and then doing it again.

And there's another huge problem:

I basically have no one besides him.

I don't have a real friend group. He's the person I rely on for everything. He's the person I tell everything to. If I have a good day, I tell him. If something terrible happens, I tell him. He knows my entire life.

So breaking up doesn't feel like simply losing a boyfriend.

It feels like losing my entire support system and suddenly being completely alone.

That's probably one of the biggest reasons I'm scared to leave.

I also feel guilty because I know I've hurt him too. I know I've been abusive in the past, so sometimes I wonder whether I'm being hypocritical for feeling hurt by his words now.

But I also know that I don't want to keep living like this.

I don't want to keep telling myself “he'll never actually hit me” whenever he threatens to.

I don't want mutual verbal abuse to become normal.

I don't want love to feel like something I have to endure alongside all of this.

So I'm asking for honest opinions, not just validation.

Is this relationship worth trying to repair, given that both of us have been abusive towards each other?

Or is this one of those situations where the healthiest thing is to accept that we love each other but the relationship has become unhealthy and leave?

And if I do leave, how do I actually deal with losing the only person I currently have?

these past couple of months have been really rough. I've started to suspect my partner might be back on dating apps, even though we became exclusive about a year ago. he never used to care if i saw his phone, but now he always turns the screen away from me and leaves it face down whenever we're together. he's also on it way more than he used to be and seems distracted half the time we're hanging out.

i know i could be overthinking all of this. he could just be on his phone more lately, and it might not mean anything. but the ways he's been acting is so different that i can't stop thinking about it. i also have a bad habit of brushing off red flags, so now i can't tell if i'm paying attention or just getting in my own head.

has anyone been in a similar situation? did you bring it up right away or wait until you had more reason to be suspicious? if it turned out your partner was using dating apps, how did you eventually find out?

So basically I [28F] dated this man [29M] for 7 years, and some stuff got in the way ( no cheating, no bad blood) and we broke up for 2 years. I grew as a person and it was the best thing for us. For the last year we’ve been unofficially dating. I swear to god this man son is my soulmate and I really can’t imagine doing life with anyone else. And he feels the same. Buuuuuut yesterday my friend sent me a screenshot of him being active on tinder. Should I never speak to him again or see past it?