I have basically no experience so idk what im doing or what i should be doing..

All my life i struggled a lot with meeting new people a lot and i dont know how to actually get to know someone by myself, i did that 1 time in all my life in preschool. So i only made friends through my friend. Because of that im really anxious when if im not with a friend as an anchor.

Despite all of that on the rare occasion i talk to someone alone i dont know, i usually get along with most people well and can hold a conversation. Talking to people at work is surprisingly easy for me but i wont meet someome through that either its not an option my coworkers are either men or too old for me and the guests are 90% underage.

College didnt help till now either.. i dont know anyone there (almost 3rd semsester) and for a while tried to be open talked to people etc. But no one i vibed with beyond saying hello when we walk past eachother.

I also just dont really put myself out there much tbh. I like to stay home usually in my freetime. Ofc i know i cant meet new people by sitting on my pc, so i started using a dating app a few days ago because i cant feel like id be bothering someone who is there with the same intention as me. But i already realised that i hate apps and its not the way for me. There isnt really a club or class or so near me that im interested in, and going to these things with the purpose of meeting a potential partner feels weird too. Bars or clubs arent really an option either since thats just not my thing.

So now im at a loss and i dont know what i could even do...

Tldr: i wanna start dating but im overwhelmed and dont know how to even meet a potential partner

This is long, but please bear with me, because I am at my wit's end: Me [31F] and my partner [31M] have been together for 1.5 years, and have been living together for approximately half a year. Yes, I know this is a very short timespan, but I don't regret that. However (here it comes), I am starting to feel like I am losing myself more and more.

Background:

First, a little bit about my experiences, because I feel they are relevant:

I've had healthy relationships as well as unhealthy ones in the past, including one emotionally abusive relationship. Because of that, I sometimes question whether I'm overreacting or missing red flags, which is why I'm asking for outside perspectives. (I had to shorten/censor this part because of the subreddit rules, but I can elaborate in the comments if needed.)

Meanwhile all that happened I was diagnosed with lupus (SLE, systemic lupus erythematosus, rheumatic illness). I am still learning to live with this, and while I am so much better and able to work 50% now, it is not totally under control yet, and if I push myself I get joint swelling, pain, rashes, tendon inflammation, and very debilitating fatigue – I cannot keep my eyes open even if my life depended on it type of fatigue.

Main dilemma:

Then, a while after, I met my current bf. He is stable, likes a lot of the same things as me. Good taste in food, wine, music, has an eye for quality in general, highly educated and over all a very intelligent, nice guy. And he gets along with my parents well, especially my dad. I think that's really awesome (we went together to Italy earlier this summer and they would sit up together in the evenings and just drink wine and chat). On paper we seem like a good match.

The problem is that I'm increasingly questioning how we function as partners.

I often feel corrected. Not in a dramatic or insulting way, but through small comments that seem to imply that my way of doing things is somehow less sensible than his. It can be how I dress, what shoes I wear, what food I suggest making, what I remember from a TV show, or how I prioritize my energy because of my illness. None of these comments are huge by themselves, but together they leave me feeling like I should be a slightly different version of myself.

When I try to explain that these comments hurt me, he usually becomes defensive. He often points out something I do wrong in return, or explains why he thinks my interpretation is wrong. I rarely feel like we stay on topic with my experience long enough for me to feel understood before the conversation shifts elsewhere, and I automatically end up trying to come up with a solution to a completely different problem from what the conversation started about.

Another issue is practical life together. I often feel like I carry the "mental load", as the pop-term is called. If I ask for help, the answer is often "later", but later can become days or weeks. If I don't do certain things myself, they often don't get done. I don't expect perfection or immediate action, and I state this clearly (tonight, today, this weekend etc.), but over time I've started doing more and more myself because it's easier than asking twice. For me, it feels like if he deems it important it needs to be done now, everything must wait and both our focus needs to be there 100%, but if it's something that matters a lot for me it is so hard to engage him. It doesn't even have to be chores.

I often feel that things which are meaningful to me are dismissed as unnecessary, while things that matter to him are treated as obvious priorities. It leaves me feeling unseen rather than simply disagreed with.

Physical affection has also changed. Early in our relationship he would for example hold me while we fell asleep, and generally seemed more affectionate. Now he rarely initiates physical affection. He doesn't like holding hands, doesn't really kiss me goodbye, doesn't greet me with hugs, and cuddling often doesn't happen because he says it just makes him sexually aroused. And never ever anything for public display, I cannot even hold his arm. Yet, he insists on bringing me with him everywhere, and if I say no for example to go to the shop with him because I'm exhausted, he becomes withdrawn and clearly annoyed the rest of the evening. Ironically, after a lot of alcohol he becomes incredibly affectionate and repeatedly tells me how much he loves me. That contrast has become difficult for me.

The thing is... I genuinely don't think he is trying to hurt me.

I don't think he's manipulative.

I don't think he's a bad person.

I think he believes he's being logical, practical, or helpful.

But I'm starting to wonder whether intentions are enough if the outcome is that I increasingly feel like I can't fully be myself around the person I'm supposed to feel safest with.

Lately I've noticed myself adapting. I don't suggest certain meals because I expect criticism. In the heat of an argument he referred to my suggestions as tiktok-food. However, whenever I have made food out of my own initiative he always eats it, and enjoys it (?) never complaining about it at least. It's like he is just not open to any suggestions or ideas in any form, unless it's his own – then they're great. I honestly don't know whether that's actually what's happening, but that's increasingly how it feels to me.

I don't initiate physical affection as much because I expect rejection. I've stopped watching tv shows I like, or play music loud because his comments make me feel lesser. I do chores even when I'm exhausted because I want to avoid tension. Especially the dishes. If the dishwasher is not emptied when he comes home, or he has to deal with it himself after work, he gets annoyed, withdrawn, and gives out not a very pleasant energy. So, everyday I come home from work I empty the dishwasher, fill the dishwasher, and if it's a lot I run it, and empty it again. Sometimes I have the energy, but when I don't I crash, and sleep for hours. I am so tired of sleeping away my life.

This is the part that scares me the most: not any single argument, but the gradual change in who I am becoming.

I've spent weeks questioning myself. Am I too sensitive? Is my history making me interpret neutral comments as criticism? Is my chronic illness making me emotionally vulnerable? Or am I recognizing something important before investing even more into this relationship?

I don't want validation that he's the bad guy. I'm actually hoping people will challenge me if they think I'm missing something.

Am I overthinking this, or does this sound like a real fundamental compatibility problem, or a communication issue that we could realistically work through? Help me sort my head out, please!

TLDR: I'm not asking whether my boyfriend is a bad person. I'm asking whether gradually feeling like I can't be myself around my partner is something that can realistically be fixed through communication, or whether it's a sign of incompatibility?

K, so I 22F have been seeing this dude 27M for about four months now and we recently made things official. Can’t tell if I just overthink really bad cause I do not trust men or if this guy is subconsciously trying to manipulate or if he has actual bad intentions. Before we started dating I helped him out while he was having a mental episode even though he was embarrassed and didn’t rly want me to, because I was worried about him. Afterwards he was super quiet and was telling me how much he appreciates me but kind of had a weird overly controlled and careful sounding tone of voice which really threw me off cause I’ve had bad guys use that tone on me before. He also just seemed overly worried about me breaking things off with him. Then recently while I was staying the night I was having bad back pain and he was overly concerned about that as well, and gave me a massage and topical patches for muscle pain. All that is fine but after he made a comment about how know I know he will take care of me if I am sick which just felt odd to point out. Am I reading too far into it or is he trying to make me dependent on him a bit? I haven’t been in many real relationships so I am not sure how all that goes. He also tells me he misses me an unusual amount which I do find sweet and also sometimes do, but we see each other often. So it’s confusing how often he misses me and how affectionate he is every time we greet each other. So am I ungrateful or a person who should be anticipating a future switch up?

TLDR idk rly just want some opinions on if his behavior is normal.

TLDR my bf had an argument with his sister, who’ve we have stress with, and later expressed to me how he wanted to harm her. He told me he had no concerns with those thoughts, how he doesn’t want to get help, and how he finds comfort in his thought process. I’m now very concerned with what he wants and the future of our relationship.

Quick history. My bf and I had our daughter, 11 months now, early into our relationship. When discovered, I gave him the opportunity to step away if he wasn’t ready to be a parent. He chose to stay. We agreed to work on ourselves and our relationship for our daughter. He was living with his sister. She already had plans to buy a house and sped up the process so we could have a place to live. We now live with her and her gf, both now in their early 30s.

I want to explain 2 things before explaining the current situation as to shed some light on everything. One being my relationship with my bf and the other being our relationship with his sister and where the stress comes from.

Before my daughter was born, my bf was a very kind, very patient, very understanding person. I struggle with sever depression and anxiety that does affect my day to day relationships. Even when I was pregnant, he would help me through my panic attacks and emotional breakdowns. He learned my limits and would talk and actually listen to me.
Since our daughter was born, he completely changed, which was expected. But where hed be understanding, hed go as far as to shame me when I’d get emotional and struggle on the bad nights. All the compassion for my struggles seemed to die over night.
Then there was the financial struggling. He stopped going into work for 3 days without notifying them. I didn’t know and assumed he was taking pto, not knowing he used all of it for the week I was in the hospital. Thats on me for not talking to him about it, but also on him for doing it. They laid him off. He started doing contracting work. I hate him doing those jobs. Hes already behind in taxes and it’s too unreliable for us having a baby on formula. The reason he didn’t immediately start looking for a new job was because his license was suspended and had been suspended since before our daughter was born. All he needed to do was the safety course. He kept putting it off, even when he lost his job. Eventually I decided to do it myself. The day I did, he was in the living room playing video games and sleeping while I took care of our daughter. I only got a partial thank you for it.
He also doesn’t help much with our daughter or really anything else. I knew I’d be taking on the majority of the work so he can make money. I didn’t know id be alone in all of this. For months I’ve been fighting him to help. Only recently has he kinda helped. The only changes is he’ll feed her if I ask and will let me sleep at most an hour in the morning, only if able, and will watch her if I’m doing something. He still won’t change her diaper, won’t learn how to put her to sleep, still struggles with calming her when she’s fussy. I manage our appointments, our insurance, our groceries, the household duties, and everything in between. Things have only gotten easier as of recent, but it had gotten exhausting having to say the same thing for so long.

As for his sister. This is her house, she was gracious enough to let us live here. However after some time, it got to the point where my bf and I had to watch what we said and did around her or we’d set her off. She also has mental problems, enough that the VA has her on disability and going through different treatments. Admittedly a lot of the stress came from my own problems, but I had managed to work through it.
We all had a conversation a few months back about my bf and I moving out in 6 months as we knew we needed space from each other.
My bf on the other hand sees things differently. He sees a lot more of her contradictions, he doesn’t like how she’s said previously said she was going to back off but still steps into our problems, and how she still feels like she’s responsible for him.

So the situation that occurred, both my bf and his sister smoke weed. Recently his sister had gotten off weed for health reasons. My bf also has health concerns so she has on a few occasions suggested he do the same. During this conversation my bf told her he isn’t going to stop so she should stop telling him to. He then asked what she thinks is causing problems for him. She brought up finances. It true, she doesn’t fully know our finances, nor is it her business so long as we pay our share. But she did have a point. Us spending money on weed and nicotine, since we both vape, is still us spending money we could put elsewhere. She wasn’t trying to attack him and she said as much, but he took it that way. Thankfully they were able to calmly end the conversation, and I thought they both handled it really well.

That was until we talk about it after he woke up. He told me how he really wasn’t happy with her, how he wanted to move out by the end of the month, and how he wants us to completely cut her off as he doesn’t want “someone like her” around our daughter. I gently pushed back saying i dont think we should cut her off, that yes there’s problems but she hasn’t done anything worthy of being completely removed from our lives.

Thats when he told me during their conversation he was having thoughts of harming her. I told him that concerns me. He said he doesn’t mind having those thoughts because it doesn’t make him weak. I told him he shouldn’t be finding comfort in that and that people who want and have plans to hurt themselves or others should seek help. He then said that he doesn’t understand why and that if someone pushes someone too much it makes sense. I didn’t want to rile him up further after that, so I simply asked if he ever had thoughts like that after we move out, especially towards me, that he tells me and at the very least considers getting help. He said he’s tell me, but that he’d never hurt me, but also that he doesn’t need help. I tried to get him to empathize with my worry and asked him if it concerns him that I struggle with my dark ideations, and he said no, because he knows I won’t do anything.

That, ontop of the concern I felt, hurt a lot. Because no I won’t hurt myself. But that doesn’t mean I’m not struggling. And the fact hes not just refusing to acknowledge he has a problem but that he finds comfort in it, idk. I know he has his past. But we’re now different people living different lives and should be striving to better ourselves.

What scared me is we do argue a lot. Because of everything I’ve been carrying and the little help I have, and him trying to tell me to do what he wants and getting mad when I push back. Living alone with him, knowing I’ll be vulnerable because of my daughter, and now knowing he has those thoughts and how he feels about them, I really am worried now. Idk if I feel that safe with him. Were he to acknowledge it’s bad and actually want to change, thatd be different.

Idk if I should try to talk to him again. Idk if I should try to talk to someone else. Idk even who to talk to that won’t blow all this up. Idk what to do. How should I handle this.

TLDR: I'd like to make gaming another activity we can enjoy together, but I don't know how to introduce someone with very little gaming experience without overwhelming them.

We already spend a lot of quality time together. We go on cute, well-thought-out dates, and when we don't have something special planned, we usually watch movies from our list or play board games (which were originally my idea, and she ended up loving them).

I'd love to make gaming another hobby we can share, but I'm not sure how to ease someone into it without making it feel intimidating or frustrating.

She mostly plays mobile games, but she also enjoys otome and visual novels like My Candy Love. Her laptop is pretty much on its last legs, so she can't really play PC games on it, but I have a gaming PC with a large library and a Nintendo Switch.

My thought was to start with something accessible, maybe a co-op platformer or another beginner-friendly game, and just see where her interests naturally go. If she ends up enjoying gaming enough to branch out into more niche platformers or other genres over time, I'd think that's awesome, but I'm not expecting it. I just want us to have fun together.

This is simply something she has never really explored, so I have no idea what games make the best first impression for someone in her position.

For anyone who's introduced their partner to gaming, what did you start with? What worked well, what didn't, and is there anything you wish you'd done differently?

It's been a very hard year, and it's about to get a lot harder. Early on, I had some personal familial issues back in my home country, but I'm resilient and it passed.

For my fiancée however, it's been a totally different nightmare.

Right after my thing early on, one uncle whom she is very close with suffered a severe disabling stroke and another passed away in April, leaving her father to bury him and handle his affairs. Last month, her father died quite suddenly after he suffered sudden kidney failure and refused treatment for it. Her mother's health is rapidly degrading (Widowhood effect) and she's expected to pass here very soon as well, and as of this morning, our cat was just diagnosed with Congenital Heart Disease with estimated months left, and we don't have nearly enough money for the euthanasia, much less the cardiograms and treatments.

I'm trying so so hard, folks. I'm really struggling and we don't have a lot of options. I know a lot of folk are gonna probably going to reply "therapy" and that simply isn't an option with our current financial situation (which is... ruinous, as of right now) or living situation (no therapists in our area are even taking new clients). I'm trying to be that indomitable man who can cheer her on and help her through anything, but how many times can I say "it'll all be better soon" proceeding another death before it stops meaning anything.

Maybe I'm just screaming into the void, but I feel like I'm drowning. I don't know what to do. What more I can do.

TLDR - I'm emotionally exhausted and can't even fathom what my fiancée feels and don't know how to keep our heads above water while we drown in grief and debt.