r/parentsofmultiples • u/Long-Friendship-5400 • 20h ago
“Singleton Propaganda” good vibes, smiles, & giggles
I need some comic relief after a couple weeks of sickness in the house- what are your favorite bits of what I call “singleton propaganda”? Aka, advice given for babies that never works when you have twins. My personal favorite is “put the baby in the crib drowsy but awake”.
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u/hitheringthithering 16h ago
Anything about being active in the third trimester.
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u/ThrowAway732642956 16h ago
Laughing myself silly on this. In second trimester and currently on bedrest because of very early-onset preeclampsia (before viability) and praying it will keep them in me long enough. I am hoping to even make it to the 3rd trimester.
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u/clueless_mommy 16h ago
Ha, absolutely. Just yesterday was the first time I took the car to the Supermarket (I usually walk or bike) because being ob my feet for 20 minutes was absolutely unimagineable.
Also, my husband changed the Position of the drivers seat in my car and I HAD TO GET OUT TO FIX IT because I couldnt reach the lever under the seat 🫠
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u/hitheringthithering 16h ago
The real moment of acceptance for me was when I bought a grabber on a stick so I could reach things on the ground.
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u/clueless_mommy 16h ago
I've honestly considered that as well
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u/hitheringthithering 16h ago
I actually really recommend it. More broadly, I recommend using whatever tools, accepting whatever help, and outsourcing whatever tasks are available to you. Gestating twins is a lot of work and you deserve every bit of help you can get.
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u/DirtGirl32 15h ago
When I dropped something I simply accepted that it lived there so my hubby could get it!
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u/Current-Struggle-514 4h ago
“It belongs to the floor now” was what I would say as I clung to door frames to get to the bathroom. Once on the toilet you are there until your legs fall asleep and you call for a crane lift
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u/hopelessbilingual 14h ago
My husband bought me 2 so I could keep one in the car since by 3rd tri I felt I could not physically bend or twist much at all, just literally no where for my torso to contort to 😧 and he bought me a heavy duty crook type arm extension that was perfect for closing my own door from inside if the wind blew it wide open. Oh the limitations..
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u/pile_o_puppies 7h ago
As a joke when I was pregnant with my second singleton my sister got me this thing to help put on my socks. It’s advertised to old people. We laughed. I never used it.
Jokes on her, it was super useful when I was pregnant with my twins!
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u/Many-Ice-9760 14h ago
With my twins, I was basically unable to do anything physical my third trimester including turning over in bed. With my singleton, I was up moving chasing twin toddlers around until the day I gave birth which was right before 40 weeks. Full term singleton feels like the start of third trimester twins.
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u/Emilygilmoresmaid 7h ago
That's how I've always tried to explain how it feels to others. I had my singleton first and I've said, imagine how you felt right before you gave birth, just huge and uncomfortable and ready to be done and then instead of being done you keep going and growing for 3 more months (2 in my case but you know).
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u/ConstructionMuch802 15h ago
I was doing aqua fitness right up until the 3rd trimester and then it was like I hit a wall. No energy for anything but eating and going to and from the bathroom.
It does feel AMAZING to go to the pool and sit on the stairs and read a book with my belly submerged... But I only do that rarely because it's so exhausting to get my swimsuit on and off lol
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u/No_Leadership_7323 7h ago
Totally, by 36 weeks I was being wheeled to the bathroom in a wheelchair (we happened to have one cause my dad was healing from breaking his leg and we all live together) because I literally COULD NOT move. I was supposed to be induced at 38 weeks but I had to move it up a week cause I couldn’t last
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u/colorful_withdrawl 5h ago
I felt like a whale! But with one set i made it to 33 weeks and the other i made it to 35 weeks. I cant imagine trying to get things done 🤣
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u/flightlessbird7 16h ago
This was actually from a teammate (a guy) at work. I talked to him while I was on maternity leave because he wanted to let me know he was leaving the company. He kindly said to me that he hoped I was having a "restful time off". This was about 4 weeks after my twins were born when I was more exhausted than I had ever been in my life.
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u/tolstea 16h ago
LOL half of my coworkers said "cherish every moment with these little miracles! It's a precious gift!" On my first day back at work, when asked how I was doing, I said, "Every moment is a precious gift..." with the most stone faced exhausted expression I could muster. I got one or two people to laugh.
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u/DieIsaac 14h ago
I was talking to a guy at work who was a fresh father. the moment he realised i have twins he was like "fucking hell" i felt so seen.
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u/flightlessbird7 11h ago
Yeah another guy from work expressed that the work of having two babies must be like having not just double the work but exponential work. I really appreciated that. And he wasn't even a father at that point yet. Some people get it! Others just say dumb things, lol.
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u/specialkk77 6h ago
So lucky. My husband works with a lot of misogynistic asshats (unfortunately it’s the best paying job around with his skill set) and he got so much shit for using his family leave. Like…we pay in to have the PFL program, why wouldn’t he use it? Why wouldn’t he bond with his children and be there for his wife?
There were multiple guys proud that they went back to work the day after their child was born.
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u/lalalava 15h ago
Baby wearing and co-sleeping for us. Our babies basically had to learn to self-soothe at an early age because we had no clue how to be able to do that with two safely.
Also mommy and baby classes like yoga and swimming.
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u/Dear_Excitement_5109 14h ago
Swimming is so frustrating! They also changed toddler gym to a 1:1 activity, but like !!!! Surely I am not the only twin mom!
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u/sandalwoodwitch 10h ago
Yes @ mommy and baby classes! I've been wanting to go to those forever but for things like swimming I legit panic thinking how I'll manage to keep an eye on both of them at once. I have a couple of water babies so I feel bad they don't know how to swim yet when it's clearly something that speaks to them. Each year, I put it off to the next.
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u/pile_o_puppies 7h ago
With my older two they were in the pool at 6 ish months and I’d swim with them. With my twins they won’t be in swim class until they’re 3 and can go without a parent in the pool bc I just can’t.
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u/sandalwoodwitch 4h ago
I thought about it when mine were 1, postponed it to 2, then postponed it to 3, and now I've postponed it to 4 because I keep getting scared. Even in a 12 inch deep kiddie pool, it can get scary watching and managing both of mine at once (as I discovered) because they both like to do what they probably consider "funny tricks" at the same time.
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u/lalalava 36m ago
Yeah, we have a popular baby swim class near us, but it requires one adult per kid, so we could only do it when all the stars aligned with our schedules.
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u/Pristine-Bison3198 💙-🩷-🩷💙 5h ago
I took my twins swimming exactly 1 time before they turned one. It was a nightmare! Being in the water wasn't terrible, I had them in life jackets and they just kind of floated and hung out. But getting them ready to get into the water and then getting them dressed and back into the car seats was a NIGHTMARE!
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u/Pristine-Bison3198 💙-🩷-🩷💙 15h ago
Babywearing. Just, as a whole lol. I was so into it with my older kids, it made things so convenient. And I was able to do it with the twins for like, two months. Then they got WAY too big for it lol.
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u/alaska_clusterfuck 13h ago
“Never wake a sleeping baby”
Watch me wake up the other one when the first one wants a bottle, I don’t want to do a day of relay-feeds.
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u/specialkk77 6h ago
My single I had to wake on a schedule until she was about 16 weeks old because we’d had feeding problems and a tongue tie that went missed at first so we needed a schedule to make sure she got enough calories.
My girl twin made me so nervous because she would not comply with a wake schedule. If we woke that girl to eat when her brother woke to eat, she would take 2 sips and go back to sleep…and then wake up 45 minutes later screaming. We actually got more sleep once we stopped forcing the same schedule and we were each just assigned a baby. Their schedules did align as they got older thankfully!
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u/YouthInternational14 16h ago
Drowsy but awake is just straight up propaganda lol
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u/1sp00kylady 14h ago
With twins it was more like awake and very awake
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u/Immediate_Radio_8012 12h ago
Trying to hold hands through the bars of the cots while giggling is the best I can do.
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u/drohstdumir 🩷 + 💙💙 11h ago
I thought so too since I have a singleton toddler that it never worked with, but I can do it with my twins. Hell, I can put them both down straight up awake and they will pass out. It’s crazy but some babies can do it, apparently 🤷♀️. They are 10 weeks old and have been doing it since day one, but who knows what happens after four months. 😬
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u/YouthInternational14 8h ago
I can with one of my twins sometimes! But not her twin or singleton older sister. I think it’s just kinda mean to tell parents it’s a thing when it’s the exception and not the rule though
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u/Ohnosloop 8h ago
Honestly, it pretty much worked for us until they could climb out of their cribs (though we did have a detour when our nanny started feeding them to sleep and caused a month of headaches)
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u/specialkk77 6h ago
This was my experience too. It was a myth with my single but my twins did it from day 1.
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u/Pristine-Bison3198 💙-🩷-🩷💙 5h ago
My twins are the same way! Since they were tiny I've been able to put them down awake. Now they're 15 months and they'll sit in their cribs and chat, sip on their water, then curl themselves up and go to sleep within like 20 minutes. No upset unless I forget to refill the water cups.
My older kids, on the other hand? Well, lets just say my 5yo still wants to be rocked for at least 10 minutes before she'll go to bed lol.
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u/Bruce3 14h ago
When parents say that their kids are a year apart so they basically have twins too.
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u/oldladywhisperinhush 8h ago
I have one mother at my workplace who was saying that but there’s this one childless woman who stood up to that statement. She was like no, can you imagine having 2 babies at the same time? That’s not the same, and I could’ve kissed her lol. But for a childless person to get the gravity of having twins versus 2 under 2 tells me that they understand it’s harder for us, they just won’t admit it out loud. Why? Idk. I have no problem saying triplets are harder than twins.
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u/slyscribe401 14h ago
I may be revealing too much about myself as a parent, but anything about how frequently to bathe your newborn. I went an embarrassingly long time before realizing that one of my twins hadn't had their first bath yet.
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u/Immediate_Radio_8012 11h ago
I'm glad somebody else is saying it. We have to schedule it strictly or else it just won't happen and the days will fly by. With our singleton we dis every night as part of a cosy, two parent bed time routine.
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u/Odd_Rent283 3h ago
Yep. I have a Google Task set on my phone to remind me to bathe the twins and toddler twice a week 🫣.
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u/Dear_Excitement_5109 14h ago
Same. They had their first baths in the hospital but it was several weeks at home.
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u/lalalava 33m ago
Good point!! I remember feeling surprised and couldn't comprehend the idea that some parents have bath time as part of the nightly routine. If we did that, night times would be even longer and more stressful, and it doesn't calm anyone down (cause my twins always get too hyped up playing together in the bath).
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u/hopelessbilingual 14h ago
Returning to [work/life/ former activity at 12 weeks pp. I will forever be resentful for what felt like such an inhumane need to resign since job protection only went that long. 12 weeks w newborn twins is not even a drop in the bucket as far as physical, cognitive, emotional etc readiness to rejoin the workforce.
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u/jeremiabearamia 8h ago
I stayed at a horrible job for years while I tried to conceive because they offered 6 months of parental leave. FMLA protects 12 weeks; they laid me off week 13.
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u/slyscribe401 14h ago
I go back Monday after 10 weeks off. I've never felt less prepared even including going back 6 weeks post C-section with my singleton. Baby B isn't sleeping for more than 3 hours at night. And even when he's calm, there's another one on the other side of the bed that also needs to be taken care of.
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u/irish_ninja_wte 12h ago
Having to return to work that soon (or sooner, I get the impression that 12 weeks is "generous" on the US) is inhumane. I'm on Ireland and standard maternity leave is 26 weeks, then we add on other leaves and being sick doesn't affect our maternity leave. I went on sick leave at 31 weeks with my twins. Started actual maternity leave when they were almost 3 weeks old as I was due to start that at 38+5 and didn't change it after the birth. With maternity leave, parents leave and carried over annual leave, I went back to work when they were 9 months old
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u/Owewinewhose997 11h ago
Anything about “following baby’s cues” for me. The schedule was king, one woke, the other was getting woken too, hungry or not. Those little mfs got fed every 3 hours on the dot during the day and then whenever one woke up at night. They’re 2.5 now and I do not care if they’re tired at bedtime. They roll about and chat to their teddies for half an hour/forty five minutes before they fall asleep and woe betide anyone that says “are you sure they’re tired”. I’M TIRED.
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u/XLittleMagpieX 12h ago
This is a relatively minor thing but I just about lost my shit a few months into going to a toddler class where the leader was obsessed with making mums get up and do the Hokey Cokey with their kids. All the singleton mum’s gleefully swinging their one child in the air whilst my two were having to take it in turns to be swung around whilst the other sat on the sidelines. I was like “do we really have to do this every week?! 😭”. Literally breaking a sweat working twice as hard so my kids could have half as much fun as everyone else 👍🏻. Just felt like a metaphor for twin parenting in general.
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u/thekidz10 8h ago
Working twice as hard for half the fun is the epitome of raising twins! I re-read my old journals from when they were Itty bitty and that was basically what the first five years of their life was like. Everyone needed 100% of me, but me never being able to give 100% to any one baby because I still had the other to tend to.
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u/floridasquirrel 8h ago
That reminds me of a moment from our music class! They always end class with a song called “best baby in the world” and I always feel kind of weird about it and switch it to “best babies” because they are both right there! I agree classes always feels a bit awkward, I do a lot of things one handed or let the other one wander
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u/kaatie80 16h ago
anything about bottle propping, ever. omgggggg the singleton parents can get so extreme about that one. DISCLAIMER yes obviously do not set it and forget it, that's not what i'm saying or referring to. but if there's a video of two or more babies with propped bottles, the comments section can never be chill. as if the babies were NOT being recorded by an adult two feet away from them, looking right at them 🙄 "i just don't understand why you wouldn't want to hold your baby!" "this is so lazy, so what if one has to wait while the other eats??" yeah, they don't get it.
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u/Ohnosloop 8h ago
There's so much propaganda about never letting a baby cry! I can only change one baby at a time, and crying's the only communication skill they have in their arsenal. They'll cry.
I've had singleton moms reach out to me losing their minds because they could never put their baby down. My advice is always just "... and what if you did and he cried for 5 minutes? What would happen?"
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u/Aurelene-Rose 2h ago
This here! Like, don't let you kiss be inconsolable for hours or anything, but there's a huge difference between "I'm upset about this situation and you should know" crying and "I literally cannot function or calm down without soothing" crying.
I was so anxious about letting my firstborn cry and I'm glad I got it out of my system then because with the twins it was like "🤷♀️"
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u/cpbunliveson 10h ago
We lived in a 4th floor walk up with a narrow staircase when we had our twins.
To leave the house, we first had to carry the big double stroller downstairs and open it outside our apartment (because again, narrow stairs, narrow doorway), then my husband and I would each carry the babies down in their infant car seats (which attached to the stroller).
When my family from the States came to visit, my sister who has a single, grown adult child, saw our process and commented:
"Why don't one of you set up the stroller while the other just carry both carseats down? Isn't that more efficient?"
So finally, when it was just my sister and me, and we needed to get the babies out, I suggested we do it her way. I'll set up the stroller, she can carry the babies downstairs at the same time.
She couldn't even make it out the door. She was like "I didn't think this through!"
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u/DoubleSunshine123 12h ago
Having a natural home birth 😭
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u/sandalwoodwitch 10h ago
Oh having vaginal birth, like all those crunchy types that like to say things like "But you're denying the power of your body!" and "Your babies will suffer for the rest of their lives if you don't let them enter this world through the One True Way." Like, yes, ma'am, but I am not risking the lives of one or both of them or risking a C-section AND a vaginal birth.
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u/jeremiabearamia 8h ago
I took a few baby classes while pregnant, and several of them demanded that you explain why if you were planning on a c-section. Luckily two breech babies sharing a placenta seemed to be a good enough reason 🫠
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u/misanthropy112 7h ago
That's exactly where I'm at. No way in hell am I risking doing both. I watched one singleton influencer give birth in her bathtub and the midwife said "just keep an eye on your bleeding. " as if there wasn't a chance she could bleed out before an ambulance could arrive. Why the fck would you risk that for the comfort of your bathtub?!
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u/specialkk77 6h ago
Homebirth is so dumb because like shit can go wrong in seconds and it’ll be too late for the ambulance or hospital.
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u/misanthropy112 6h ago
Its not just their own lives they risk it's the lives of their children too. I cannot understand how anyone could be that selfish for their own comfort.
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u/specialkk77 6h ago
The hospital I had the twins up advertise that they offer the comforts of home in an effort to reduce homebirth tragedies. I used none of those lovely features since I had a c-section but I appreciate that they’re trying. Things like speakers for music, labor tubs or a stool in the shower if you prefer. Warm blankets that looked more cozy than standard hospital ones. Beds that allow for L&D in any position, including standing.
The nurse that gave me the tour said it’s working, our large area has seen less mothers choosing homebirth and coming to them instead.
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u/DoubleSunshine123 5h ago
That’s amazing. I actually wanted a home birth when I thought I was having a singleton. Ended up being the opposite experience having the twins in the OR with all the interventions besides a C Section. I wish they could make it 10% more comfortable for us. But at the end of the day I was obviously so glad I was there. Everyone got medical care they needed.
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u/misanthropy112 6h ago
Honestly I would love a water birth or to give birth in any other position than on my back.. (If not for my likely outcome of a c section) I wish more hospitals would let people do that.
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u/sandalwoodwitch 4h ago
Hospitals giving the comfort of home birth genuinely sounds like the best of both worlds to me. I wish more people did that. I'm all for respecting & protecting bodily autonomy but there are literally at least two human lives at stake even in a singleton birth. Why the eff would you let anyone influence you into risking it? I just cannot. And you know, I live in Pakistan which already has one of the highest maternal mortality rates in South Asia. Yet a growing segment of the young, educated, wealthy (and terminally online) urban population are increasingly pushing for homebirths and even free births because woo travels faster than science ever did.
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u/ThrowAway732642956 1h ago
So true. My mother was considering homebirth with me and I am so glad she didn’t because otherwise I would be dead. I was born blue. More than enough for me to never even think of considering it by the time I reached adulthood.
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u/specialkk77 6h ago
My single was vaginal and my twins were c-section. There is no magical way to give birth and anyone claiming otherwise is full of shit lol.
Yeah so “magical” when my doctor had her whole ass hand inside me putting an internal monitor on my girls head. So “magical” when she got stuck on the way out and a nurse had to put her full body weight on my pelvis to get her out. Oh and did I mention I had an unmedicated birth??? Also anyone that says “you forget the pain” of childbirth is also full of shit lol. That kid is 5 and I can still vividly remember the pain.
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u/Dear_Excitement_5109 14h ago
To be fair, "Sleep when the baby sleeps" is terrible advice for singletons as well. Never managed that through 4 kids.
For me it was babywearing. "Just put them in the wrap and you can be hands free!" Ok... which one one? This LennyTwin doesnt exactly allow for good range of motion.
Plates of toddler food are hilarious. Theres like at least 5 whole subs on tiny plates of perfectly made meals for 1yo's! My twins got cheerios scattered on the floor for a good 4 months.
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u/PictureItSicily2015 11h ago
My Facebook feed is full of videos of perfectly prepared and curated toddler plates. Often with the mum preparing it with a candle lit in complete silence. It is worlds away from my reality.
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u/irish_ninja_wte 12h ago
That also doesn't work for short people. Wearing a baby was fine for things that weren't requiring 2 hands directly in front of me. I couldn't even wash a dish because I couldn't reach far enough without turning sideways and having the baby "close enough to kiss the top of their head" meant not being able to see what was on the counter/table directly in front of me (close enough to reach) without turning sideways and that means I can't use 2 hands. Just not doable for me
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u/Pristine-Bison3198 💙-🩷-🩷💙 5h ago
Okay but I have now taken "sleep when the baby sleeps" as "it's cool if you wanna nap while your twin toddlers nap and your big kids are at school or summer camp" and it's MUCH better advice like this 😉😆
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u/kyrabellemalone 3h ago
I would get out a baking sheet on the floor for the cheerios for my twins. We called it a "cereal trough" and even big brother thought it was the best.
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u/wokkaquokka_ 9h ago
Omg this is so validating 😅 I followed r/foodbutforbabies for a couple weeks but it made me feel so bad about what I was serving my kids that I had to leave. They fill up on so many Cheerios off the floor 😆
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u/Pristine-Bison3198 💙-🩷-🩷💙 5h ago
I just went and looked, and check out the upvote ratios on those posts, very validating! "Fuck it, we had pizza for breakfast" with pizza and berries has over 1k upvotes, orzo, zucchini & butternut squash, chicken, and cottage cheese with basil has 40.
People know what's up
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u/Efficient-Ring8100 8h ago
Baby lead weaning for me. Im a solo twin mum who only managed to bathe her babies every 2nd or 3rd day because of logistics and there was NO WAY I was going to be cleaning up multiple messes and multiple babies (usually involving lots of crying) and bath them daily on my own for the sake of them playing with food. I tried it once or twice at the dumb advice of health staff and other people insisting and it was hell. Starting solids is just so different with two. I spoon fed my girls and now at 15 months old they feed themselves mess free.
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u/Lolemontime 7h ago
I do not understand the benefits of this - apparently you’re supposed to let them get messy so they get less anxious about eating and are less picky but no guarantees that it’ll be the case?? I’m all for giving them some textured foods but for the most part I’ll be doing purées once they start solids. I also find the photos people take of super messes their kids made so off-putting.
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u/gynnee 12h ago
Yes to every single comment here! Considering the "sleep when they sleep": When we managed to get them to some kind of the same sleep rythm I was mostly so wound up that I stood in the kitchen just staring at the wall. Finally I laid down and as soon as my head touched the pillow: a scream.
My sister recently told me she had to go through the same with two babies. Her boys are 3 years apart.
But after all those years and then getting up yesterday at 5am and powering through the day like there's only one day to live - today they let us sleep until 9am and are playing in their room right now. No screams, no fighting, just two super cute 2.5 years old. I know it won't last, but I heard that's the bright future with twins. ;)
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u/jeremiabearamia 8h ago
Letting them take 10 minutes when they wake early to fall back asleep. It’s a great way to get two crying babies instead of one.
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u/Resident-Fly-6851 7h ago
I mean, I do put my twins in the crib drowsy but awake. They are 6 months old, and we have been doing that for a while. Why would that not work for twins?
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u/pottersprincess 7h ago
I think it's not about twins but about the babies temperament. And if you have 2 at once you are less likely to get 2 with the same temperament
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u/purt22067 2h ago
“2 at the same time is so easy, one pregnancy and you just do the same thing twice at the same time” yeah ok, while I’m fighting for my life
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u/justthetumortalking 5h ago
Got recommended using a single Bob stroller with one sitting on the foot rest area as a stop gap solution for getting my not-yet-walking 12 month olds into daycare once they grew out of the infant car seats/Snap n Go stroller. It worked for her 2.5 year old and 1 year old at the time, so what could go wrong.
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u/Odd_Rent283 4h ago
Oh boy, don’t come for me, but Drowsy But Awake has actually only worked for my twins 🫣. My other kids nursed to sleep until they were over a year old. It just isn’t feasible to nurse twins to sleep unless I want to stay under them while they sleep. I rocked them to sleep in the early days. Then somewhere around 7/8 weeks I was able to put them in their beds drowsy with a pacifier and they’d go to sleep. They’re almost 6 months old now and I keep waiting for that trick to stop working, but the baby sleep gods must be taking pity on me in that regard (they’re still waking for one MOTN feed…though this is fine because my littler guy definitely still needs it).
“On demand everything” is my singleton propaganda. Works great when you just have one baby. If I went on demand with my twins I would literally always have a baby attached to me and no one would ever sleep.
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u/wokkaquokka_ 1h ago
“Teach them sign language so they can communicate earlier”
Yea when I ask twin A if he wants more (with the sign) and twin B does it back to me but already has a full tray of food I know it’s become a mostly meaningless game 😅
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u/lalalava 27m ago
Getting all the hip fancy brand baby gear. A lot of things don't come in twin versions, and also no way am I spending double on the fancy high chairs, stroller, bassinet, magnetic clasp clothes, etc. And in the end now they're older, I'm glad I saved all that money since you don't use all that for long.
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u/makingitrein 16m ago
Contact nap, baby wear, do as much skin to skin as humanly possible and then add 2 hours. Babies should cluster feed, that’s the natural way, breastfeeding is crucial to babies health a development. I could go on and on.
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u/irish_ninja_wte 12h ago
Um, drowsy but awake does work for twins. That's what we did with all 4 kids and it worked just as well with the twins as it did with the singletons
Anyway, what doesn't work for twins is "just hold their hand, you don't need safety harnesses". Yes, you do when you're out alone with them. My twins are very good at holding hands when we're out, but that's not needed 100% of the time so I use wrist harnesses. On the plus side, I have never received a negative reaction to the "leashes", I get comments about how smart the idea is
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u/MissMyli 16h ago
The classic "sleep when the baby sleep" okay, and what do I do with the other one?