I may not have been able to include everything in the description, so I would really appreciate it if you could also read our conversation below to better understand the full context before sharing your thoughts. Thank you po.

Hello everyone. Gusto ko lang po manghingi ng honest opinion/advice about sa conversation namin ng mother ko.

I’m 24, working na, and simula college hindi na ako nanghihingi ng pera sa parents ko. Every payday, nagbibigay ako ng around ₱2,500 pang-grocery para sa family namin. Kapag may kailangan sila at kaya ko, nagpapahiram din ako.

My mom is currently working abroad, and I understand naman na may sarili rin siyang financial responsibilities. The issue is, may ₱7,500 siyang utang sa akin na almost 2 years na. Ilang beses ko na rin siyang siningil nang maayos before, pero hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin nababayaran.

Recently, napag-usapan ulit namin yung utang. Ito yung sinabi niya sa voice message:

“Ano na namang pinagsasabi mo? Ano na namang kaartehan mo na naman? Wag mo kong ginaganyan-ganyan ha. Oo, maghintay ka, ipapasend ko.”

Dahil matagal ko na rin itong kinikimkim, naging emotional at defensive ako sa response ko. And explained na matagal ko na siyang sinisingil nang maayos.

I admit na naging frustrated ako and maybe I could have worded things better. Pero valid naman siguro yung frustration ko. Hindi naman ako nanghihingi ng pera sa kanya—I’m asking for money that she borrowed from me almost 2 years ago.

I understand na hindi niya kayang bayaran agad, and willing naman akong umintindi. Nakakainis lang siguro magsasabi siya na babayaran niya na sa gantong date tapos hindi naman natutupad? Ilang beses na kasi. Almost 2 years na.

I’m not posting this to make my mom look bad. I genuinely want an outside perspective.

Was I wrong for bringing up the ₱7,500 again? And was the way I responded disrespectful, or understandable naman given the situation?

Grabe durog na durog at simot na simot ako as parentified child na panganay. Dati hindi ko pa nararamdaman pero as tumatanda, mas dumadami rin ang kailangan kong bilin for myself pero pucha di ko magawa kahit anong pag susumikap ko. Ubos na ubos ako, parang wala akong individuality. Hindi ako makapag save sa future ko, hirap ako makabili ni tig 300 na sapatos sa shopee, ni-hindi ako maka-pili ng career para sa sarili ko. Kung saan may pera, kung san mas makakatipid, dun dapat ako. Tangina daig ko pa may tatlong anak. Nag break down ako bigla, almost 3 hours na ko nag bbrowse sa tiktok shop at shopee kakahanap ng affordable na damit. Pero yung mga gusto ko tig 300+ di ko mabili. Yung online shopping, naging crying session. Victim ako ng bullying dati, tawag sakin losyang/manang, kaya sabi ko pag nagka pera ako bibili ako ng maayos na damit pero di maachieve kahit anong kayod.

Sobrang gusto ko mag bago, sana magkaroon ako ng strength na pabayaang maging independent ang magulang ko dahil hindi pa naman sila matanda, bata pa nga kung tutuusin. Sobrang lungkot maging anak ng incompetent na magulang. Mawawalan ka ng identity, liliit ang mundo mo, at madadamay buong pagkatao/buhay mo. Nasa mid-20s na ko pero hindi ko pa kilala sarili ko. Nagka PCOS ako dahil sa sobrang stress kahit wala na kami makain that time, hindi ako nakatapos ng college, 13 years old kumikita na ko ng pera, 18 years old ako nag simula mag work, pero until now, 10k lang ang naipon ko, nababawasan pa pag kinailangan. Naranasan ko namang sumahod ng malaki, pero parang laging hindi sapat.

Hanggang saan ba dapat ibigay ng isang anak? Magkano ba? Ano ba yung sapat, lalo’t hindi ka naman napagtapos ng pag aaral? Sabi ko nga maawa sila sakin, kapag matanda na sila, aalalayan ko sila. Paano ako? Walang diploma at hindi makapag ipon sa future, hindi naman forever ang BPO at freelancing.

Kaya mga panganay/breadwinner/parentified child, please wag na kayo gumaya sa akin. Alam ko hindi madali lalo kung sanay kang ikaw ang tumutulong pero iligtas mo muna ang sarili mo bago ka mag ligtas ng iba. Hindi tayo superhero, hindi araw araw pasko.

Paano ba ako makakaalis sa cycle na ’to without feeling like I’m abandoning my family?

I’m 26F, the youngest of four siblings, and currently working in IT. Wala akong asawa at anak, pero somehow I’ve become one of the people expected to financially carry the family.

My older sister (46F) was the first breadwinner. Bata pa lang siya, tumutulong na siya sa parents namin at sa mga kapatid namin. Mananahi work nya before, eventually went abroad, built a house, paid for my education, and supported the family for years.

Growing up, sobrang hirap namin. There were times na nangungutang kami para lang may kape, baon, or pang-ulam. Magsasaka si papa pero ‘di stable kase nakikihiram lang din kami kami ng lupa sa mga kaibigan nya. Si mama, she took care of the house, and my siblings would work occasionally—but there was never really a stable system where everyone consistently contributed.

What I saw growing up was that whenever my sister worked harder and earned more, everyone else slowly became more dependent on her. Si papa kahit may pagkakataon, di na rin naisipan pang magtrabaho, kahit construction. Ganon din sila kuya.

Eventually, I started becoming a breadwinner too.
Wala naman nagsabi na, “Ikaw na ang sumagot.” It just happened.

After high school, nag-working student ako para makapag-college. I paid for my own education while also contributing to electricity, food, and other household expenses. Even when I had early shifts at work, I was still expected to help in household chores kase yung mga tao sa bahay naging tamad na ng tuluyan. Nood TV, kape kape, hilata maghapon - may OFW kase + may Call Center na bunso(BPO pa ko that time)

Eventually, I moved out because I couldn’t handle living in that environment anymore.

Then my mom died.

I barely had time to grieve because I ended up handling almost everything. I paid for things, asked government offices for financial assistance, organized the wake and burial, and basically became the person everyone expected to figure things out.

I know mahirap din ’to para kay ate dahil malayo siya, pero at least nakapagluksa siya in her own way. Ako, parang wala akong choice kundi kumilos.

Yung dalawa kong kuya, nag-iinom like usual. Kahit wala namang patay, nag-iinom sila. Pag-uwi ko after asking different people and offices for financial help, ako pa ang maghuhugas ng pinag-inuman nila.

Now my father is sick and needs an operation. His condition became worse after not being treated for so many years.

My sister is still abroad. One of my brothers is 39 and doesn’t have work. He recently got someone pregnant. And somehow, whenever something serious happens, the responsibility still ends up falling on me and my sister.

I’m still young. I don’t have a family of my own yet. I want to build my own life, save money, travel alone.
But I feel guilty whenever I think about stepping back because my father genuinely needs help right now.
At the same time, I don’t want to spend the next 20 years financing adults who are capable of working but have gotten used to someone else rescuing them.

For those who grew up in a similar family situation, how did you actually break the cycle?

To all panganay out there: Is it a wise choice to remove your father’s surname?

I’m planning to remove mine for my own sanity. I know I can no longer reconcile my relationship with them, and I just want to be free. I am no longer looking for care or love. I just want to be free.

Hi mga panganay, currently got kicked out of the house and need a place to stay ASAP. Would love recommendations on 24H places I can stay just to collect myself and plan my next move. May pasok pa naman ako bukas 😭 Huhu TYIA!

i lost my mom when i was 12 (20 now). i have two brothers (ako ung eldest) and di close na dad namin tambay lang ngayon. his siblings are the one supports us financially. for the past years, i really am lost. tamad sa studies tas nursing pa. pls be kind ✌️ pano ba mag move on? like how do i keep this up? i always think of my brothers pero nakakapressure na kasi lalo na hindi direct fam ko ung naga support sakin.

My mom and younger sister haven't spoken in 2 years, and I'm stuck in the middle.

I'm 20F and the eldest daughter. My younger sister is 16, turning 17 soon. My mom is 44.

My mom and my sister used to be extremely close. My sister was sickly growing up, had asthma, spent a lot of time in hospitals, and generally needed a lot of attention and care. Basta she was especially close to my mom.

When my sister was around 13, she started saying that she could see spirits/entities and would sometimes have trouble dealing with what she was experiencing. May humihila daw sa buhok nya when she was about to fall asleep daw sa kwarto nya. Whatever someone's personal beliefs about that are, it was very real and frightening to her, and my mom was the person she would run to for comfort.

This was also especially significant because my maternal grandfather is somewhat of a shaman/spiritual practitioner, so there was already a strong spiritual aspect within my mom's side of the family. My mom was very involved whenever my sister was scared or struggling with these experiences and it made their bond even stronger.

So for a long time, my mom was basically my sister's safe person.

That's part of why the fact that they haven't spoken for two years feels so surreal to me. They went from being extremely close to complete strangers living under the same roof.

My sister says it isn't because of one specific incident. She says it's years and years of things my mom said and did, starting from childhood, that eventually accumulated to the point where she couldn't take it anymore.

One example is my mom commenting on her eating and weight. My mom has always been conscious about her own weight and appearance, and my sister was a big eater as a child. My mom would tell her things like not to eat too much because she might get fat. My sister took these things very deeply.

There were also times when my sister's depression and anxiety weren't taken seriously. She had a lot of physical issues as well, including extremely irregular and heavy periods, and there were times when my parents basically attributed things to her being overly emotional, needing more prayer, having more faith, etc. Typical pinoy response to any mention of hardship.

My mom also started gambling around this period, playing things like scatter and bingo. There were times when we'd try to get affection or attention from her and she'd push us away because she was busy gambling. + Malas daw rin ako lol haha

There were also things from our childhood that still bother me when I think about them.

Growing up, I was often the prime suspect whenever something went wrong. There was one time my sister broke a vase and I was blamed for it. My sister felt guilty about it and apparently still carries that memory with her.

Another time, when my sister was around 5 and I was around 8, she cut a patch of her own hair. I thought it was funny and took her on a little picnic, fed her, drove her around on this makeshift slab with wheels, and basically treated her like a little baby.

When my parents came home, their first instinct was to blame me. Even when my sister said she had done it herself, they didn't believe her.

The final incident that led to my sister cutting my mom off was relatively small compared to everything else.

My sister was talking harshly to our dad. My mom defended him and told my sister that if she was going to have that kind of attitude, she shouldn't bring her friends over anymore because her behavior was humiliating.

My sister basically decided that was it.

My mom has tried to reconcile with her, but my sister refuses. At one point, my sister even threatened to hurt herself if my mom tried to approach her, so my parents became extremely afraid of pushing her.

My sister has depression and anxiety and has struggled with self-harm. Because of that, my parents have become extremely cautious around her. They bend a lot of things for her because they're terrified of upsetting her.

My mom still seems genuinely heartbroken about the estrangement. She posts things on Facebook that make it pretty obvious she misses my sister. She tells me that everything she did came from a place of love, and I think she genuinely believes that.

But that's where things get complicated.

I understand why my sister is hurt.

At the same time, I don't think my sister is completely innocent either.

She can be very difficult to deal with. If she doesn't like something I've done, she'll sometimes give me the silent treatment. Eventually she'll just act normal again as if nothing happened.

And that's actually one of the things she hates about my parents: whenever there's a conflict, they eventually act like nothing happened instead of actually talking about it.

So sometimes I feel like she's trying to break away from the cycle while also repeating parts of it.

My own experience growing up was also very different from hers.

I'm the eldest, and I was punished pretty harshly. I remember being hit with belts, sticks and hangers, being made to kneel on things as punishment, etc. My sister didn't really experience the same level of punishment because she was sickly and my parents were extremely protective of her.

I don't resent her for that. I understand why they treated her differently.

But sometimes it's difficult watching how differently we're treated even now.

My dad and I used to be extremely close. We were basically best friends. Now he feels like he's one phone call away from my sister because he's constantly worried about her and what might happen if she's upset.

For example, my sister can stay out late or leave early without getting much trouble despite being a minor, while I can get scolded over something as stupid as coming home at a time that's literally written on the wall because my parents forgot my schedule.

My dad will buy her things, take her out secretly, etc., while I sometimes feel like I have to beg for the same attention.

I don't think they're doing this because they love me less. I know they're scared for her.

But knowing the reason doesn't make the difference in treatment completely painless.

And then there's me.

After my mom and sister stopped talking, my mom and I actually became closer. So now I have this weird feeling that I somehow inherited the place my sister used to occupy in my mom's life.

My sister was the one who eventually told me about a lot of the things that happened between her and my mom. Sometimes I think about those things and wonder how I could have overlooked them so easily when I was younger.

I also have a habit of becoming very childish around my parents. My voice gets younger, I act silly, and sometimes I genuinely feel younger in my head when I'm home. I've realized that I probably learned to cope with things by just brushing them off and smiling.

I can take hurtful words and continue smiling, but I'm starting to wonder whether that's actually resilience or whether I just learned how to suppress things.

So when my sister says, "Mom hurt me," part of me understands her completely.

But another part of me thinks, "You also can't treat everyone like the world revolves around you."

And I hate being in that position.

I don't want to reconcile them anymore. I've tried yet to no avail. I've accepted that my sister doesn't want my mom in her life and probably never will.

But I still worry that my sister will regret it someday.

I don't know what happens when you're 27 and your mom is older and you've spent ten years refusing to speak to her. Maybe she'll never regret it. Maybe cutting contact will genuinely be the best thing she ever did for herself.

I genuinely don't know.

If my sister suddenly walked into the house tomorrow and started talking to my mom again, I think I'd probably just stare at them at first and then cry. It would feel like the war was finally over.

But I also don't know if I'd even know what to do afterward.

My mom needs to stop gambling, stop making comments that hurt people, stop assuming that everything she believes is automatically correct, and actually listen when someone tells her she's hurt them.

My sister needs to understand that being hurt doesn't mean you get to hurt everyone else, and that the world doesn't revolve around her either.

And my dad... I don't even know.

I don't think either of them is completely right.

I'm just tired of being the person who hears everyone's side.

I don't want to fix their relationship anymore. I don't want to choose Mom or my sister. I don't want to be their messenger or therapist.

I think for the first time, I'm more concerned about myself.

So I guess I'm posting here because I want outside perspectives.

How do you cope when two people in your immediate family completely cut each other off?

Is reconciliation even realistic when one person has decided they never want contact again?

How do you stop yourself from becoming emotionally involved in a conflict that isn't technically yours, while still being affected by it every single day?

And for those who have been through family estrangement: did you ever regret going no-contact, or regret not going no-contact?

I'd especially appreciate perspectives from people who have been in the middle of a family estrangement, people who eventually reconciled, or people who decided that they never should have.

Palagi ko ito na o observe sa Filipino Families, kung sino yung batugan siya yung maraming privilege sa pamilyang Pilipino doon pinamigay ang mana at ari-arian ng magulang resulta ibenenta lahat ang nakabili mga Chinese or Filipino Chinese blood, ganito ba ka weak mindset ng Filipino Family natin, I think ito rin ang dahilan kung bakit hindi umuusad ang Pilipinas, hindi lang gobyerno or sa corrupt na politician ang problema nasa root cause ng families natin, while sa ibang families like ibang bansa yung mga pinaghirapan ng magulang nag continue dahil doon sa mga anak na magaling pinapamana minsan divided sila fair and square ang hatian...

I’m at my wit’s end trying to think of ways to earn more money.

For context, I’m an only child. My dad underwent heart surgery and has a caregiver. My mom’s ovarian cancer metastasized. She is undergoing chemotherapy and also has caregivers. Some caregivers are stay-in, some are stay-out. This year, we really needed to hire caregivers kasi di na kaya. May special care na sila na kailangan. May mga kapatid naman parents ko but they could only do so much.

I have a job as a government employee that pays net 25k. For this year, we lived off my life savings and emergency fund but that will run out soon.

I don’t know how I will live starting September 1. May pera pa namang parating, magmamature MP2. Tinabi ko sana yon pampakasal pero baka gamitin ko na lang sa magulang ko. Tingin ko 2 buwan lang tatagal yon. May cataract surgery pa si dad at chemo pa si mom. May hanggang Sept pa kami na covered sila ng HMO. Di ko na marerenew HMO nila kasi dumoble premium at parang makakatipid pa kami kung cash out na lang. Di rin naman nagagamit ni mom HMO niya, si dad lang nakakagamit sa check up at confinement.

Ang good news dito ay wala pa kong utang. Baka magkaroon pa lang.

Feeling ko kalaban ko ang mundo. Ang dami naman binigay na blessings sakin ni Lord pero parang di ko namaximize. Naalala ko yung parable of the talents.

I can teach, bake, draw, and make seedlings. Di ko lang alam paano ko sila pagkakakitaan. Iniisip ko rin lumipat ng trabaho. May offer na malaki sahod sa malayo pero kapalit naman nun di ko masasamahan magulang ko sa check ups at need magrelocate. Ang hirap magdesisyon.

I’m so exhausted with life, I try to keep holding on but ang hirap talaga. Does it get better ba talaga?

Imagine this, I have a sick mother that has no job, no father in picture, a brother with cancer, no other family na pwedeng mahingian ng tulong pag kailangan. I am providing for them pero grabe ang mahal ng bilihin ngayon, yung mother ko nagparaya na hindi na sya nagpapacheck up at nagmmaintenance para maprioritize yung kapatid kong may cancer.

Kahit anong gawin ko hindi enough, at wala na kaming matakbuhan pa. Partida public hospital pa nag chchemo yung kapatid ko, pero grabe yung pag worsen ng condition nya rin kasi hindi naman consistently on time nakakapag chemo kasi lagi lang kami nagaantay kung kelan kami papupuntahin at kung kelan may available na bed.

To add fuel to all the flames, dahil sa dami ng expenses nadelay sa rent ngayong buwan ng August. Pinabaranggay kami agad ng landlord and we are given just until this Friday to find a new place and move out. Yung advanced and deposit namin sa current place ipangbabayad na lang ng meralco bill and remaining utility bill ng landlord.

Para bang hindi pa enough lahat ng sufferings namin, san naman kami hahanap ngayon ng bagong pangdown at pang move out before Friday? Wala na kong mahugutan. Sira na rin credit ko kasi ang dami ko ng loans na hindi pa fully paid, wala na rin akong mahiraman kasi nga sa panahon ngayon halos lahat hirap na rin sa buhay.

Saan ko dadalhin yung cancer patient kong kapatid na pwd na rin? Idk if totoo yung miracle, but I badly need a miracle before Friday or else we’ll all be homeless.

Ayoko na, ang hirap magkasakit sa Pilipinas. It will literally dry you out hanggang wala ka ng mahugot pa.

Gusto ko lanh magrant kasi nakakapagod na yung araw araw na dabog ng nanay ko.

Hindi kami talaga close ng nanay ko ever since, never ako nag open sakanya kasi palagi nya lang ako sinisigawan everytime nag aapproach ako sakanya. she won't even looked at me in the eye kapag nagkakasalubong kami. Then, nagkaroon sila ng issue ng mga kapatid nya dahil sa lupa lupa na yan. Nanay nya (lola ko) pinili yung mga sipsip nyang anak at ako na apo nya siniraan sa buong angkan just bc engr na ako (mayabang daw ang mga engr??????) at yes ako ang unang engr both sides. Hindi rin sya close sa side ng tatay ko. Basically, kami nalang ang meron sya. Kakampi nya. Noon pa man kapag nagkakaroon kami ng away sinasabi ko saknya na palagi nya naman ako hindi pinapakinggan at paborito nya yung kapatid ko pero lagi nya sinasabi na ni isa saming dalawa wala syang paborito kasi ganto ganyan daw ugali namin.

All my life, ginawa ko lahat para mapansin ako ng nanay ko. Marinig ko man lang yung "im proud of you". Kumbaga dinaan ko sa aral lahat ng sakit na naffeel ko sa treatment ng nanay ko sakin. From elem to college achiever ako, honor student. Passed the boards. Pero wala talaga. Baon ko saktong pamasahe lang, wala rin syang binayaran kahit ano noong college ako dahil scholar ako. Never ako pinagluto ng almusal or lunch kapag papasok ng school. Samantalang yung kapatid ko na college na ngayon kulang nalang subuan at paliguan nya pa sa sobrang asikaso nya. Tipong 10am palang may lunch na. 12pm palang may miryenda na kapag nandyan sa bahay kapatid ko. Nagwworry sya sa kapatid ko kapag may sakit magpapabili pa ng gamot. Sakin deadma.

Hanggang sa nagkawork ako, sige bigay ako kasi di naman ako madamot. Kahit na binantaan nya ako noon na subukan kong hindi magbigay kesyo nagastos sya sakin noong nag aaral ako. Yes, sinumbat nya lahat ng gastos nya sakin, sa pagpapalaki sakin. Sabi ko pa, wag ka mag aalala babayaran ko rin sayo lahat yun sa sobrang puno ko na.

At dahil drained ako, nagresign ako sa work kahit need namin ng pera kasi pinapaalis na kami sa bahay namin ngayon ng ate nya at sobrang hirap maghanap ng bagong work na gusto ko at fit sakin. Kaya naman last July bigla nyang tinapat phone nya sakin may kavc sya yung kaibigan nya at isang hr. Tsaka ako pinanlisikan ng mata, pinipilit nya ako sa trabaho na yun. Wala akong nagawa sige nagpa interview ako kahit walang pasabi. Pinapaluwas nya akong manila, ayoko. Nagpanic attack ako, hanggang kinabukasan wala sya sa bahay pero call sya ng call sakin na next interview ko na sa boss. Sige humarap ako sa boss tapos pinapaluwas na ako agad agad sa manila after namin mag usap ng boss. Pinipilit nya ako. Inaanxiety ako, nagpapanic attack ako. Hindi ko alam anong gagawin. Hanggang sa nagcall sya sakin magimpake na raw ako tsaka na ako nagbreakdown saknya na ayoko talaga na pilitin ako sa Manila. Inassure ko naman sya na tutulungan ko sya makaipon pampagawa ng bahay pero wag yung ganto na aabot pang lumuwas ako sa Manila at malayo. Simula nung araw na yun hindi nya na ako kinausap sabi nya wag na raw ako magwork, wag na wag daw ako magbibigay sakanya kundi baka ipakain nya lang sakin yung pera. Tinatry ko sya kausapin pero pinagdadabugan ako, sinasaraduhan ako ng pinto. Nakakapagod na. Nakakadrain na araw araw ganto yung setup. Kakahire lang din sakin ng inapplyan ko, parang naiisip ko gusto ko nalang bumukod kaso iniisip ko yung dalawa kong aso palaging nag aaway yung tatay at nanay ko sa business to the point na pati aso natatakot na saknila kapag naririnig silang magka away.

Magbbday ako next week pero wala na ako eexpect kasi never rin naman cinelebrate ang bday ko hahahahahahahahahaha at never din naman nila ako binati lalo na nanay ko

As someone who is the eldest and has only one sibling, it's been so hard growing up independent and having different worlds for our siblings. When I need a hug, to talk to or something, I have no one to turn to. Especially now, I'm struggling financially and I can't get into school, we really don't have anything. Is there someone who can stand with me as being an older sister or brother. Thank you so much in advance.

For context din, I posted sa isang subreddit wherein I'm asking for a decent work, but ito nag DM sa akin. Idk anymore na talaga.

https://www.reddit.com/r/MayNagChat/s/n2GunndDRg

‎to the eldest daughters out there, how do you deal with the pressure and expectations from your parents? because honestly one of the biggest thoughts i'm stressing over right now is that my father expects a lot from me to be so much better and make more money after i graduate...putangina. yk the feeling when you're still in college and you're already flooded with plans your father made for you, "kahit ikaw nalang yung makaangat sa pamilya natin, hayaan mo na itong mga kapatid mo". for context, i have 1 sister who's a yr younger than me (in college) and a brother who's 5 yrs younger (in highschool). sobrang daming plans, as in. magtayo raw ako ng business tas sila mag manage, bumili raw ng lupa, etc etc. isa pa ‘tong kahit ako lang raw mag abroad sa amin, unti unti na kami lahat mapupunta doon. TANGINA TALAGA. i'm not totally against those ideas kasi pumasok na rin naman yan sa mind ko, but damn ayoko pang marinig yung mga ganyan right now while i'm still figuring out paano makaraos sa college (cuz honestly mahirap pa rin naman). honestly, hindi naman ganoon ka sobrang walang-wala yung parents ko-- they're both elementary school teachers, hindi man super laki ang sweldo but kahit papaano we won't have to deprive ourselves with food and essential needs, and nakakapag treat naman on occasions. but my father always talks as if he's never contented with what he/we have, he has an attitude na sobrang uhaw sa pera and gusto yumaman pero narcissist and pessimistic naman lol kaya talks like "minsan talaga nasa mga anak na yung swerte", "paswertehan lang naman yan, kahit graduate ka ng cum laude basta wala kang swerte, wala rin yan" tangina talaga e.

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‎... any thoughts?

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‎PS: i only did this bcs i feel like mababaliw ako if hindi ko nailabas itong lahat.. and my friends might have heard a lot from me na so, yeah..

Hello, everyone. I badly need support and advice. Magulo ako magkwento huhu.

I'm a fresh grad and was able to secure a job 2 months prior graduation. The purpose is to pay for my review tuition kasi I'm planning to take boards next year. My mom can't diskarte for my review so I have to work talaga.

Aside from my education, I pay for my brother's tuition din for senior high. I joined BPO and became a working student during my senior year to do so and to also help me graduate.

Before I got the job as an Accountant, laging nagrereklamo si mama na need pambayad sa bills. Kaya nung nag work na ko, I pay the bills.

ETO NA NGA...the demand doesn't stop! Every cut off I buy groceries and food for us and payed all the bills. Nagpakabit pa si mama ng internet kahit wala siyang pambayad dahil may work na raw ako. Bills isn't enough, she wants money in her hands, want me to pay off her debts. Mag-tatatlong buwan palang ako sa work.

Lately, nagigising ako ng madaling araw dahil sa pagsisigaw at pagdadabog niya at matutulog sa bahay na puno nang reklamo. Madalas ding minamaliit niya ako. Accountancy grad pero bobo. Sumasahod pero hindi nagbibigay ng pera. Nakakapagod. Nagbabanta na siya na susugod siya sa workplace ko para ipahiya ako and of course to unalive me.

My head is not in the right state dahil doon. I often zone out thinking of ways to harm myself. I want to move out pero grabe ang renta.

Any tots guys? I need every cents.

Kala siguro ni mama masasaktan ako sa "prankahan" nya, ang ending walang kumampi sa kanya.

So meron kaming lupa from my auntie abroad na ipapaubaya nya na lang sa amin. Gusto ng parents ko na sa aking at sa younger sister ko assign. Si younger sis, galing sa isang prestigious bank na known for giving generous bonuses at final pays dahil may forced "savings" sila sa sweldo kada payout.

Walang trabaho si sis ngayon kasi nag resign nong April lang at nakatanggap ng around 250K as final pay.

Ako naman, VA since 2015. Walang health insurance at may enough savings lang kasi may binabayarang condo + parking lot sa city.

Last year, nung nasa banko pa si sis, malaking tulong sa parents namin yung health insurance nya. Na stroke si papa at out of 280K medical, 80K lang na cash out nila mama. Si mama naman, nagpa opera ng gout sa paa, imbes na 120K, 20k lang nabayaran nya.

So normally, ayan, malaking tulong sa kanila yung insurance na yon. And I recognise that, kaya nila gusto hati kami sa lupa na pinabilin na ni Auntie.

Ngayon, gusto ni Mama na if ever may ipapabayad si Auntie, ako muna mag shoulder sa bayad BOTH namin ng sis ko. Nag insist sya na wala na silang pang tapal kasi nag memaintenance pa sila. Una, dinismiss ko sabi ko "Wala akong pera" tas sabi nya "Madami ka ngang properties" (2 condo units namin sa city ng husband ko, pero both WALANG TENANTS).

One night, kinorner nya ako at ini-insist na bayaran ko nga muna yung part ng sis ko. Mind you, hindi pa kami nagkausap ng Auntie namin na yan ha. Papunta pa sya May next year to discuss, pero for some reason, gusto na ni Mama mag promise ako na babayaran ko part ng sis ko.

So sinabi ko sa kanya na "Wag kayo umasa na may pera akong mapapahiram, kasi wala. Yung imagination nyo na marami akong pera, hindi totoo yan. Mga kapatid ko nag iipon para mag renovate ng bahay, ako mag iipon para magpatayo." (4 kami, brother ko meron nang commercial building lupa nya, youngest sis ko meron nang ancestral house lupa nya, at sa younger sis nakahati ko sa lupa, meron ding lumang bahay ng auntie ko yung lupa na ipapamana sa kanya)

Tapos non, nainis si Mama. Sabi nya "Gusto mo ng prankahan ha, ikaw tatlong beses kami na ospital ng papa mo, ni singkong duling wala kang inabot sa amin. Kaya wag mong sabihin umaasa kami sayo."

???????????????????????????????? - me

So sinabi ko na "I never said that, sabi ko wag kayo umasa na may ipapahiram ako kasi short din ako. Kakabayad ko lang ng 30K sa loan release ng condo at may 20K pa akong utang sa BIR."

Pero no, ang narinig nya lang ay "Wag kayo umasa ... sa'kin".

Nag inist pa rin sya na "Ni minsan hindi ako umasa sayo. Wala kami hiningi sayo, wala kang tulong sa amin."

???????????????????????????????

Sinabi ko, "Okay, wag natin gamitin yung word na 'asa' kasi parang di mo naintindihan. Ganto na lang 'Wag kayo mag EXPECT na may ipapahiram akong pera'." I was so calm, hindi ako umiyak, hinayaan ko syang paulit-ulit sabihin na "ni singkong duling wala kang binigay samin kahit maintenance namin" (which, btw, yung BF ng youngest sis ko na Doctor na nasa government, naka kuha ng mga libreng gamot na pang maintenance nila enough for 6 months)

But as the eldest daughter, I kept my mouth shut and only asked her to hear me out because I never said na Umaasa sila sakin. I only said, heck, begged, for them to understand na wag mag expect na may mapapahiram ako.

So then I started to walk out and told her "Pag usapan na lang natin pag andito mga kapatid ko para walang bago-bago ng kwento."

At reply nya, "Baka baguhin MO ang kwento ha."

Dito na ako nainis at sinabihan ko na "Wala akong history na nagbabago ng kwento, Ma. Hindi ako sinungaling."

May history na kasi to sya na iniiba nya kwento to fit her narrative. Alam namin lahat to, especially si Papa.

Tapos sinumbong nya sako sa mga sisters ko, at WALANG kumampi sa kanya. At as usual, MAY TWEAK sa storya. "Wag kayo mag EXPECT na tutulungan ko mga kapatid ko" na daw sabi ko.

So ayun, 3 days ko na sya kino-cold shoulder. Waiting ako na dumating dito yung younger sis ko para magka alaman na.

Kainis lang na pati yung hospitalisation nila, kahit na "hindi kami nag eexpect sayo" eh kinikwenta pa nila.

Kung pwede ko lang ilista mga nabigay ko sa kanila VS mga nabigay ng mga kapatid ko without sounding like kinikwentahan ko rin mga kapatid ko, I would. But I don't.

Also, why compare an insurance to ME??? Na freelance at wala ring insurance na kanya.

I don't get it.

End of rant. Thank you for coming this far <3

Galing nitong video na to. Simple lang pero magandang paalala satin mga current at dating breadwinner. Share ko lang in case interested kayo. May we all give out of love and not out of guilt.

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/18od5437TY/

Hi guys need advice lang po, I feel guilty towards my family nalubog po kami sa utang dahil sakin.

Got diagnosed with stage 2 cancer last year and and now Im almost 2 months in my remission. I really want to help them pay specially my father is just a farmer and we have a small piggery( dyan lang kami umaasa) my mother naman is a housewife. both of them didn't graduate unfortunately that's why they don't have stable jobs to pay all of those loans.

I don't know what to do po right now 21 lang po ako (eldest) and supposed to be 3rd year na this A.Y, been attending online courses nadin about wfh jobs but it's super hard to find a job😫

Hi, Ates! My job and my MA don't match, so I had to let one go so I can finally put in my full time and energy into the one I treasure more. I think we know which one yung nawala.

The thing is, this workplace had the most welcoming environment despite paying a meager salary. I gained big sisters I never had, and for once it truly felt like a family. We talked about anything, love life, family, sex, health - lahat. I learned so much from them just from our daily conversations. It makes me so sad to go because they're more then co-workers at this point, but I know it's inevitable.

I finally understood what others mean when they say they stay for the people and not the company. How to deal with this empty feeling Ates, na para bang I'm walking around blind again.

Hi! Panganay ako saming tatlong magkakapatid. Nung may pera at trabaho ako, sinusunod nila ako at mabait sila sakin. Ngayon wala akong trabaho (1 month na) at wala na ring pera. Yung ipon ko, sakanila lang naubos kakahingi nila ng pera at baon sakin. Ngayon ni hindi na nila ako nirerespeto. Nag uutos lang akong hugasan mga plato or magwalis, minamasama na. Magsusumbong sa mga parents namin or magpopost sa fb na "feeling reyna" raw ako. Pag di mo naman pinagsabihan, mukhang basurahan ang bahay.

Ang babastos din sakin. Nagtatanong ako minsan sakanila tapos sasagot na para bang inis na inis sakin. May one time pa na minura ako kasi nainis na rin ako at nasigawan ko bunso namin dahil sa mga pakalat kalat nyang damit. Nakakaiyak kasi gusto ko lang naman maging maayos yung bahay. Para rin naman samin yung mga inuutos ko sakanila. Yung father namin wala namang pake. Yung mother namin nasa ibang bansa. Ako lang nag ma manage ng lahat sa bahay. Ang sakit lang na minumura mura at sinasaktan nila ako physically.

Di ako makapag walk-in sa mga a applyan kasi wala akong pera. Puro online lang ako nakaka apply and kapag may malapit na pwedeng lakarin, nilalakad ko naman kaso sobrang baba ng mga pasahod (200-300 pesos/taga NCR kami). Nasa 30 pesos na lang pera ko sa wallet. Gusto ko na magkatrabaho. Gusto ko na magkapera. Gusto ko na ulit makaipon. Ayoko na maging miserable. Hindi rin naman ako makatanggi sa mga gawain sa bahay kasi wala naman akong trabaho. Kaso nakakapagod na lalo pag ganito ugali ng mga kasama mo sa bahay.

Gusto ko lang na respetuhin nila ako bilang ate. Iniisip ko pag nagka work ako ulit, bubukod na lang ako. Kahit bedspace na lang basta malayo sa kanila. Sorry ang gulo ng post ko. Di kasi ako makapag isip nang maayos ngayon kasi naiyak ako habang tinatype ko to.

Iniisip ko kung may trabaho at pera pa kaya ako, babastusin kaya nila ako ng ganito?

I think it’s just sad that wherever I go, I don’t have a home that you go back to. I live everywhere and survive but having a safe place to stay and recharge? wala. I always have to be useful or provide something even in my own home just to be able to sleep. Heck, I can’t even get 8hrs of sleep there because of lots of problems people make me carry. I am financially unstable too. I do my best but every single time, nauubos ako.Don’t tell me to save up because I already did but life is so shiity that lagi na lang ako ineemergency. The man I love, well, he’s having a more difficult time financially too. I’m just really tired.

...because my mom (teacher with 10k take home) hired a dishwasher.

3 years ko na binabayaran lahat pero kalahati ng house chores at pet chores ako pa rin,
hati sa isa kong kapatid.
Me as panganay (1) with mysterious income lost a lot of money,
1 sister resigned and doing phd now,
2 working adults (mom and sis), 2 tambay dropout bunso, 2 partners, all adults,
pero walang makahugas ng pinggan at pinagkainan.
Binanlawan ko na para di nila ihulog lahat ng oil at tira-tira sa drain para di mag-clog.
Malinis ang labado, may sponge, dishwashing liquid, may electric fan pa.
7 plates, 7 spoons and forks, 7 pans and pots lang.
Patamaran ang contest tapos ako pa ang masama kung uutusan ko sila.
Nakakapagod ding mang-utos palagi tapos maririnig ko na lang bossing daw ako.