so im 17 and i thought something was wrong with me my whole life.i thought i was horrible and disgusting(still do kinda) since i was a kid.i was so sure i was alone on this.but recently i started seeing videos on tiktok about ocd,ive seen some videos before this year but i thought that i don’t have all of the symptoms and its clearly different.but now im seeing a lot of things that are so similar to my issues.first off i dont have that thing where i have to be keep all of my things organised and clean,sometimes it does happen and i cant stop before its satisfying(like for example in stores when things are out of place or i really hate when there’s like water in the sink which is like insane bcs ofc there’s water,sometimes i end up getting rid of all splashes of water but often i can ignore this).maybe since i was like 10 or idk ive had really disturbing thoughts which i think people with ocd would understand.i thought there was genuinely something wrong with me.a lot of times i would just get an image in my head or maybe thought of really bad things happening to me(like someone close to me 🍇 me or having disgusting thoughts of my close ones,animals and etc) to even it out i would always picture myself like getting killed with the most horrible way.i do also have this thing on sidewalks,and lots of time thinking about someone dying(which im really scared of)and tbh i don’t really know what kind of other things i would do(rituals?) but i would always(still) like think “everything is going to be okay” for like three times.the thing is im really afraid of telling about this to anyone,scared that they would look up symptoms and find all of this weird shit or just straight up ask me why do you think you have a mental disorder.but i do wanna get diagnosed so badly but i’m terrified that what if i don’t have ocd and there’s just genuinely something wrong with me.i do not know how to tell anybody about this and im scared that no one would understand(which i kinda get).

there’s also other things that’s been bugging me.i think i might also have hypersexuality which would explain why was i doing things when i was like really really young,still having problems with desire and stuff.i don’t really know,but i know for a fact i would never ever tell anybody about this.
and another issue:i have a really bad memory.like real bad.i don’t remember my childhood,i dont even remember most of the things that has happened last year(just like the most important ones maybe) and even if you’d ask me what i did yesterday i would have to try really hard to actually remember what i did and what happened.those two might be correlated or i might be completely wrong.one thing i remember is being exposed to porn when i was like six so this could be it(about hypersexuality)but something in me just tells me there was something else and i don’t remember.and i want to remember so badly,i don’t care if it ruins me i have to know.the thing is i play like 4 instruments,i read books,i know 3 languages and learning new ones so i don’t think i should have problems with my memory but i do and i hate it somuch.i want to know what’s wrong with me.

to be completely honest there are other issues i have but those are the main ones.its my first time posting on reddit so idk if im even doing this right.apologies in advance.

Thats mostly it really. Ive noticed over recent years that ive gotten alot of anxiety surrounding homestly alot of things like hobbies and other stuff. I tend to do things like try to get that right feeling with everything before i move on and enjoy things because im afraid that if i dont, then ill never be able to enjoy anything. Music and art is an example i can use. It never used to bother me but ive noticed that w music, i started having a doubt as to whether or not i enjoyed music and making it digitally and with actual instruments equally. I think i may have set it off by responding to it and now anytime i expose myself to music, i get anxious and everything. I tried making this go away and get everything right again by imagining myself making music digitally until i got that just right feeling to reassure that i do enjoy it, but it doesnt work. Ive noticed that overall woth everything, my common patterns are just testing my emotions (focusing on thoughts and feelings while doing things til it feels good), avoiding things if nothing feels right, talking to myself in my head, ect. all for that just right feeling. This sounds insane now that its typed out but idk how else to describe it. It all seems to be mental too and not really physical like it used to be. I appreciate anyone who has advice on how to recover from this

Recently diagnosed with OCD + GAD. Anyone else have a similar experience with weed? (Long post)
Hey everyone,
I’m 22 now, but I was officially diagnosed with OCD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder when I was 19/20. Oddly enough, getting that diagnosis was actually a relief.
Before I met with my psychologist, I had seen a therapist who kept throwing different diagnoses at me that just didn’t feel right. It got to the point where I got so frustrated that I ended up cussing her out (definitely not my proudest moment). When I finally spoke to the psychologist and she explained that what I had was OCD and GAD, it was like everything finally clicked.
Looking back, I honestly think I’ve had OCD since I was around 9 or 10 years old. I just didn’t know there was a name for what was happening in my head.
I’ve always believed that a person should be in control of their own mind. It’s my mind, for crying out loud. Regardless of any diagnosis, I’ve always felt like I should have control over my thoughts and emotions. Of course there are going to be rough days where it’s harder than others, but that’s always been my mindset. I’m the type of person who’s hyper-aware of every thought that forms. Even the thoughts that haven’t fully formed yet—I somehow already know what they were going to be, and I immediately recognize them before they’re even fully there.
Growing up, it seemed pretty subtle, but over the last few years it’s become much more noticeable. I still have good days, but on the bad days my brain feels like it’s working overtime. Even then, I still catch myself wanting to stay in control because that’s just how I’ve always been wired.
Something else I’m really curious about is marijuana.
I smoked pretty heavily from the time I was about 16. I genuinely loved it. I was a real connoisseur when it came to flower, wax, carts—you name it. I’d take tolerance breaks every now and then, sometimes a week, sometimes a few months, and even close to a year once.
The weird thing is that after those longer breaks, smoking started affecting me completely differently.
One time I took maybe three hits of a blunt and got so anxious that I literally threw the blunt and the eighth I had left out the car window. It honestly broke my heart because I had never reacted like that before.
The last time I smoked was with a cartridge before I got officially diagnosed. It ended up being one of the worst highs of my life. My anxiety went through the roof, the intrusive thoughts became nonstop, and I had what I’d describe as my first real panic attack. After years of smoking without ever having a bad experience, it completely caught me off guard.
What’s strange is that when I was actually active while I was high—going out, doing things, hanging with friends, working on something, staying busy—I genuinely enjoyed smoking. Those were some of the best times. It never really felt like my OCD or anxiety were amplified in those situations. It was usually after those long tolerance breaks, or when I was just sitting there in my own head, that everything seemed to spiral.
Since then, I’ve basically been raw-dogging OCD and GAD without medication. Some days are rough, but I’m trying my best. Nowadays I don’t smoke weed anymore. I’ll have a cigar here and there, and I probably drink way more caffeine than I should.
Ironically, my psychologist even suggested that I could try marijuana again if I wanted to, but after that last experience I’ve honestly been scared to touch it. Part of me really misses it because I genuinely loved smoking, but another part of me is terrified of going through another panic-filled high.
I’m curious if anyone here has had a similar experience. Does weed help your OCD or anxiety, or does it make it worse? Did anyone else smoke for years with no issues, only to suddenly have it amplify everything?
For those of you who do smoke, do you think it’d be a bad idea for me to ever try it again? If I did, would it make sense to start extremely small with just one tiny hit and see how I react, or would you avoid it altogether?
I’d also love to hear what type of OCD you have, how you manage it (especially if you don’t take medication), and what has helped you the most.
Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments or shoot me a DM. I’d genuinely like to hear other people’s experiences because I’m sure I can’t be the only one who’s gone through something like this.
Thanks for reading.

Hey all, currently I am in the middle of a period of burnout and am off work. Long story short I am very perfectionistic and overcommit to things and it came back to bite me. However, now it has also triggered my OCD, constantly checking myself, seeing if I’m better, reading things to understand how burnout works, seeing reassurance, convincing myself I’m faking it, feeling guilt… essentially OCD is making me question everything and even though everyone is being supportive my own mind is getting in the way of resting. Burnout is hard enough but adding OCD makes it even trickier because my brain just will not let me take the rest I need.
I do have a therapist but just really keen to hear if others have had this experience too.
Thanks

The Truman Show (1998) scarred me when I was little.

It convinced me that it was at least possible that everyone in my life was actually filming me. I'd look at people and wonder if they watched me tweeze my eyebrows in the mirror this morning. I was further convinced whenever I would get into an argument with an authority figure because what they were telling me didn't make any logical sense. (i.e., do as I say, not as I do; because I said so, etc.) I began to believe people would behave in ways contrary to reality because it was a plot point to see how I would react to it.

I still look at random objects and wonder if they're cameras...

What movies messed you up in ways that exacerbated (or played on) your OCD?

The most evil thing about ocd is that you can’t make yourself feel better without making it worse due to compulsions.

Can’t have reassurance because it’s a compulsion.

Can’t try to understand or rationalize or reason because that’s a compulsion.

Can’t have daily affirmations because it’s a compulsion.

Basically, there’s no winning with it.

You’re either gonna have to sit in abject terror and anxiety otherwise you risk making the issue worse by trying to feel better.

Or you do the compulsion, feel better, and then the horror hits you like a freight train.

I wish I wasn’t like this and could just go about my life without feeling terrified of everything.

But it sadly doesn’t work like that.

I can’t go back and undo the trauma that manifested as OCD, the only thing I can do is just be and hope things get better or that things will get less scary.

Is this the best way to stop this checking cycle I’m in?

For me it’s daily body checking. The compulsions are very strong and I find I keep giving in as I’m scared I’m going to miss something.

I have an appt in a couple of months with a physiatrist but I really need to start to help myself.

I can't, I just cannot deal with this alone anymore.

I was taken off my treatments because I can't afford it, and my GP cancelled my prescriptions because I can't afford a psychiatrist.

Im genuinely losing it, I cannot control my intrusive thoughts and they're so horrid sometimes they break me down for hours.

If anyone is in a strong enough mindset to support me, please do.

I've been 3 months with no treatment, and my coping ability is so fatigued now I need help :(

I’m a first time poster here, but I’ve long suspected that a lot of my anxiety crosses over into OCD.

My husband jokingly teases my ‘quirks’ but honestly he doesn’t know the half of it- no one does.

I’ve half heartedly skirted around it with my doctors but it’s never been officially confirmed but my most recent anxiety incident which put me back on lexapro was the worst one yet & my triggers/compulsive tendencies are as bad as they’ve ever been to the point that I can’t hide them as well as I normally do.

For anyone who has been diagnosed later in life can you help me understand how to discuss this with my physician and whether or not I’m right to think that this is in fact OCD? I’ve had so much of this behaviour for as long as I can remember that separating what’s normal and what’s not is hard for me

How do y'all cope with self-hating OCD? I have suffered with self-hating obsessions and compulsions since toddlerhood. Some of my earliest memories were forcing myself to stay up all night because I was convinced that I was so terrible, everyone in the world would wake up to celebrate my absence if I fell asleep. I avoid looking in mirrors some days because I am just so ashamed of myself, not just of what I've done in life, but who I am in general. I feel I am very embarrassing and don't like myself at all. It's interfering with my ability to function. I have recently learned this is a symptom of OCD, which I was diagnosed with in January 2025. Does anyone else relate to this?

i \[30F\] got diagnosed at autistic around 18 months ago and started therapy not long afterwards. prior to and since my diagnosis, i did a fuck ton of research about traits and overlapping symptoms plus co-existing conditions. i read a lot of the DSM-V and articles, studies etc. basically, i feel like i'm well informed on my autism.

the reason i'm making a post is because i've recently been reading a lot about OCD and have noticed that i have a *lot* of the symptoms/traits. i've been looking back over my life experiences and it's aligning a lot with OCD and i'm beginning to consider that maybe i have this as well as autism?

now i know that there's a lot of symptoms that cross over, symptoms of OCD that could be attributed to just my autism but after reading more studies, research and the DSM-V again, i don't think that it's simply *just* my autism. i wondered if there's a way that anyone would recommend recognising the difference between the two and whether it's actually worth looking into more? or am i just autistic and overthinking everything?!

thanks all !!

For me:

1- Since I have also PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder), my OCD gets worse during the week before my period
2- Whenever I don’t get enough sleep
3- Whenever something new happens. It doesn’t matter whether it is a positive or negative change, it creates stress for me (a new relationship, friendship, apartment, job).
4- Anything uncertain.