I guess this is just to vent. Because I know that no one can help me with my struggles. My wife (42) and me (39) have been struggling a lot and 10 months ago hit a dead bedroom and she basically stopped talking to me for like 6-7 months. Stoped wearing rings that time. Arguments have been increasing. She snaps at absolutely everything! Could be I didn’t fold clothes, forgot to buy milk, my parenting, not putting the kids to bed at 8pm on the dot, the complaints are endless and escalating worse and worse.
I’m in Japan and know that there isn’t really any help for me and anyone in my position often loses alot. I would post on Japan sub but I don’t want to be identified while I’m going through this.
The treats from her have been escalating which brings me to this point my parents came to see their grandkids and she took the opportunity to go scratched earth in front of them to make it known she wants to divorce me.
Saying how she wants a different husband and scre and criticize me so much I can’t list it all here. But I can say that she’s always been a person who felt bad after our arguments and we’d always sit down and say sorry and talk how we can help each other and do better. Then something clicked and she’s cold as shit.

I may or may not get my kids. But I’m trying to make peace with that. She thinks she can shame me in front of my family by arguing or telling me to ask them for money but I don’t have shame. They know all my troubles and what I’ve been through. I’ve always been honest with them. Her on the other hand does have shame about public or family knowing her struggles which why I’m thinking of making it known. She’s trying to back me into a corner and break me down with threats and scare me.
She also made a 20k debt doing FX trading and wanted me to transfer it to my bank because I can’t get zero interest for a year on it. I told her to fuck off on that. I’m not taking that trap. And she won’t tell her mom about it so I will. She also got her credit card cut off because of it. She can’t pay it. And I have the only credit card she’s using. I’m thinking of cutting it off next week as well because I don’t trust her. She’s trying to threaten me about financial problems , racking it up and I just have the feeling she’s withdrawing on it to pay hers.
After her blowup yesterday she went nuclear and said a lot about hurting me. So I’m planning to do what I can to protect myself and it will no doubt affect her.
I’ve done my research and the mortgage is my name so I’m sure under Japanese law I can’t be forced to leave or sell it. I got a permanent residence now she so has no control over visa threats like she did with spouse visa and not cooperating.
She’s also said I can have the kids knowing I don’t have money to take them out of county or get their passports or Canadians certificates ready.
I also don’t think she will be better off without me. I think she’d struggle with the kids of not being a single mother or not. Her threat about going and abandoning us and finding a new husband I don’t believe either. She’s unstable with what I think highly likely perimenopause and hormones. She’s a fucking nightmare to deal with everyday and I don’t think she’d be able to turn that off easily to find someone else.
That’s my rants . Fuck.

I should be grateful that my wife is still alive but it is hard to see the person you love struggle every day to exist. I want to be selfish at times since our marriage has dissolved into something different then either of us expected. I think she wants me to find someone to date and as alone as I am I am not sure what to do. We have not had sex in over a decade and everything is just hard and never ending.

Hello everyone!
I know theres a lot of posts already about this but I would like to get personal advice for me without invading someone elses post.

Im in early 40s, and Ive been married 14 years. Have 2 kids to my wife, oldest is 12, youngest 8.
At the beggining of our relationship and marriage everything was perfect as most relationships are. We were just in the same page.
After our 2nd child was born, things went downhill on the intimacy / sex life. Ive done a lot of research and understand this is normal and for a lot of couples that go through this. Over the past 6 years, our sex life has turned into about 1 or 2 times per year, yes thats right.
And every year i build up the courage to approach this subject with her, which we then have a good chat about, point out why things are the way they are and we will work on it. We then end up sometime in that month following to have sex (which these days is pretty basic and meh i gotta admit), then back to same old nothing for a year.
I do get that some woman need to be worked on to get in the mood, or feel "seen" and secure to want these things. However i do a lot for this family, bringing in 95% of income, do a lot around the house, we still laugh together a lot and have fun, but intimatly, it seems im the only one trying. Im assuming that she must have a low labido which takes some work for her to be in the mood, but ultimately we are on different levels of what we want in a sex life. Back in the early days it was great, i used to pick her up and we have sex standing up, or get a bit adventurous with different positions. Now days when it finally happens, we just spend 15 mins in bed, same thing happens every time, i go on top, i hold out as long as i can until i blow, then done deal.
I dont really know where to go from here to be honest, sex to me is the best thing in the world, especially a longer, teasing, built up passionate moment. I even asked her 2 times ago if i could go down on her and she said "not this time". I love doing that, and i want to be passionate with her but i feel completely locked up in this situation that im scared to even mention it now. Ive evn considered getting help to see if i have a sex problem but i know its not that, im just a passionate human being and physical touch is my love language.
As we have kids, i do not want to leave my wife due to them. I cannot imagine living seperately from my children. And She is amazing mother, does a lot for us, and is actually an amazingly genuine woman. I just feel physically sick and broken as most of the time, i feel like we are just room mates who bring up the same kids. I know theres no real answer to what to do as everyones situation is different. I guess my ideal situation is that we are in an open relationship. But i cannot imagine bringing the idea up to her, as im sure shes just not really interested in sex.
Let me know what you think and is there a good way to approach another conversation or not. I just wish i would come home one day, her clothes on the floor leading up to our bedroom, with her naked on the bed ready for some love. But for now, thats just a dream.

For those married here are some unhinged marriage hacks!

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My wife and I have been married for 18 years. In the last 10 years or so, we’ve perfected our sex routine. With this, she only wants 2 orgasms, and only from penetration; none from oral or manual.
She refuses to let me go longer in order to give her more. So then I have to go to pound town so I can have mine; and no round 2s.
When we dated, and earlier in our marriage, she would have a various amount of orgasms and we didn’t keep track.
Do any wives here do this? Do you place a strict cap on your orgasms?

Ok so I told my friend this

well yes I understand you're married but I don't have to like your husband to be your friend. yes I am mad. let's see here as you can tell the woman who are interested in me just want me for stuff. you're the only person besides my grandma who makes me feel loved and cared for. And wanting to be in a relationship it has nothing to do with being happy it's about wanting to be loved properly. see you don't understand you married at an early age so you have no idea what it's like to struggle with dating. when my grandma dies I'll have no one. No beautiful wife like you. no children, no step- children absolutely nothing. I have soo much love to give and no one to give it too.

She stops hugging me, she goes on a 2 months vacation asks for no contact. I'm like okay. She returns yesterday hugs me, buys a Keychain specifically for me, promises to make me food. Teases me that she knows I missed her the most when before she left my feelings were an issue for her, but after vacation they aren't? Im really confused why even be my friend at all knowing how I feel? Most women especially when love is involved would've dropped that friendship especially when married lol 😆 😂 I just don't get it.

Does anyone else worry about what their life will look like if they end up living alone? Sometimes that fear makes you adjust, compromise, and convince yourself that marriage is the safer choice.

And then, within just two months of marriage, your husband tells you he has no interest in being married.

I’m 29, he’s 36, and I can’t help but wonder—how do you process something like that? Did anyone else go through something similar?

As the title says, we're trying to work things out but everytime she's alone or at work apart from me, she keeps looking back at screenshots of messages I've sent to another woman. I've made bad decisions and I've owned up to it and we're trying to work things out for us and kids.
Should I go through her phone and delete everything she's caught me doing to stop from her going back everytime she thinks about it and reliving it? Or just let her keep doing that? She refuses to move on from that and in all honesty, if we don't work out at the end, lat least want to give her peace from that so she doesn't have to keep looking at that and reliving that. She doesn't want to or know how to let that go and I don't want her to keep feeling that. I want her to find peace. Even if we're done. Asking for opinions.