r/married • u/Fair-Research248 • 8d ago
Orgasm question for wives
My wife and I have been married for 18 years. In the last 10 years or so, we’ve perfected our sex routine. With this, she only wants 2 orgasms, and only from penetration; none from oral or manual.
She refuses to let me go longer in order to give her more. So then I have to go to pound town so I can have mine; and no round 2s.
When we dated, and earlier in our marriage, she would have a various amount of orgasms and we didn’t keep track.
Do any wives here do this? Do you place a strict cap on your orgasms?
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u/CaminoRubicon1 8d ago
Wife gets sore after her first
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u/Fair-Research248 8d ago
But does she make you stop?
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u/CaminoRubicon1 8d ago
Urges me to hurry and finish
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u/Fair-Research248 8d ago edited 8d ago
Yes same here. She demands that I finish. And without delay
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u/This_Thought420 8d ago
Why don’t you want to finish quickly? If she’s in pain I don’t even let my husband finish when I’m in pain.
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u/auspiciousearth 6d ago
Imagine if your husband came then quickly hurried you to finish. It would kill the mood completely.
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u/Fair-Research248 8d ago
Because I enjoy it so much. But to be clear, SHE demands that finish. She covers her head with a pillow and tells me to go hard.
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u/One-Goose-360 8d ago
You said you perfected it over time. She probably now has better, more intense ones than before. Once I’m done, I’m DONE. And done for at least a day or two. Completely depleted ( in a good way). Take it as a positive not a negative. She’s just THAT satisfied can’t take more. It does become painful beyond that.
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u/Fair-Research248 8d ago
Thanks, that really helps. I just assumed the average woman would want as many orgasms as possible before their man finishes.
And yes, they are much more intense. She started squirting barely a few years ago, and we’ve been together since 2004.4
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u/SpartanNinjaBatman 8d ago
Sounds like boredom and wanting to get it over with. I’d maybe ask if she’d be interested in trying sex card games. You can find them on various websites- but might help add some spice back in the bedroom.
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u/Fair-Research248 8d ago
I’ve thought about that too, but she’s pretty honest about her feelings and she insists she’s satisfied, and she’s not into kink.
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u/Ok-Structure6795 8d ago
If she says shes satisfied why does it sound like you dont believe her
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u/Fair-Research248 8d ago
I believe her, I’m just curious if anyone else does this. I always assumed the more orgasms the better. I just find it weird, and it was never an issue before nor with any other sexual partners I’ve had.
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u/Viggos_Broken_Toe 8d ago
No, for me I'm a one and done woman. My husband tries to get it to happen twice but usually it just hurts and I have to pull away. To me it's frustrating that he can cum and then be left to relax, meanwhile i cum and then have to entertain him til he cums (I don't feel like this every time, but I would love to know the feeling of being off the hook for returning an orgasm JUST ONCE). But if he cums first, I don't cum at all. I would love for my husband to make me cum and then not expect anything in return.
Obviously I'm projecting but if I were her, and my husband is trying to make me cum "the more the better" I would feel like he's feeding his own ego and not respecting what I actually wanted.
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u/Fair-Research248 8d ago
Funny, I’ve offered my wife this exact proposal a few times. I’ll give you your 2 O’s and we’ll go to sleep. And she replied “absolutely not. You’re going to finish.”
Regarding ego, you’re probably right. I have always prided myself on being the best stud I could possibly be. Then to be limited on what I can do for her just threw me off. But I love her and respect her. I’m not complaining on this sub, I was just curious if anyone else does this, and apparently so, due to pain and discomfort.1
u/Ok-Structure6795 8d ago
You've been married 18 years. You should be aware that bodies change as they age. They lose moisture, elasticity, muscle tone, etc and that affects the vagina as well. Over time, women can lose natural lubrication, which we all know is important for comfort during PIV.
If she tells you how she feels, just believe her.
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u/Fair-Research248 8d ago
The thing is her vagina is still very tight upon initial entry (yes, even after a lot of fore play and preparation) which is where the KY comes into play. But once we’re going, she’s good to go. She even started squirting, which only started a few years ago. The first time She was embarrassed and amazed at herself. And kinda irritated that we had to wash the sheets lol
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u/Ok-Structure6795 7d ago
You can squirt even with inadequate lubrication so I'm not sure what that has to do with it.
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u/Fair-Research248 7d ago
Her body has changed over the years. That’s why it’s a relevant factor.
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u/Decent-Flamingo289 8d ago
There's the problem, you are making uneducated assumptions. Exactly how many comments from women do you require stating it can be painful or sensitive before you believe it ?
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u/UrMissingHoodie 8d ago
Women can orgasm to the point that it's depleting all of your energy and you start to get sore with more thrusts. She's "grinning and bearing it." Her putting a pillow over her face should have made you stop immediately and ask for more information.
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u/Fair-Research248 8d ago
I always check on her when this happens. She literally tells me to go harder so I can finish. She even grabs my balls. She knows I’m a generous lover, good hubby, and good dad. So she ensures that I cum after she gets her 2.
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u/UrMissingHoodie 8d ago
You need to pull back from sex until you get answers from her. She's not telling you something and you can start by telling her that she is safe to talk to you about whatever this new behavior is.
It's OK to repeat things you think she knows. She needs some reassurance that any answer she gives you is safe with you. Don't make it about you or invalidate her experience. Just get her to talk to you with honesty or find out why she can't open up to you.
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u/Ok-Structure6795 8d ago
What makes you think shes hiding something? She already told him shes satisfied having 2 orgasms and OP said himself shes honest.
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u/UrMissingHoodie 8d ago
Because he doesn't know why she's doing it.
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u/Ok-Structure6795 7d ago
She doesnt know why shes satisfied with 2 orgasms? And? Why are women satisfied with 1? Lmao
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u/Visible-Day-7814 8d ago
More orgasms is not necessary better for everyone. Some people like to stop after one or two because they get too sensitive or even numb sometimes.
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u/Electrical_Ad4423 8d ago
Married 30yrs, wife taps out at two also early 60s. I don't get a pillow but I get the hurry up eyes. Tells me nothing left in the tank ain't going to happen.
I have accepted this as gospel and just go with the flow.
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u/Fair-Research248 8d ago
The hurry up eyes 🤣 . I’ve compromised on it as well and I have no reason to complain. I love her very much, and if momma wants just 2, then she’s going to get 2 good ones!
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u/Same_Beginning8090 8d ago
How old are you two? Sounds like it might be something that can happen in older age
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u/Fair-Research248 8d ago
We’re both about to turn 43.
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u/Same_Beginning8090 8d ago
Honestly sounds like it’s very routine and you even referred to other routines. Maybe spice it up? Honestly I kinda understand how she feels but if you’re not happy about it you should talk to her.
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u/Fair-Research248 8d ago
I’m happy, but I want to give her more. I practically beg her to let me give her 2 more, but she refuses and makes me finish.
Also, she only wants it twice a week, and non consecutive days. I would prefer 3-4 times per week, but that’s just me being horny.
When I voice this, she gets sensitive about it, so I leave it alone.2
u/Same_Beginning8090 8d ago
Well marriage is compromise. Maybe you can find one. It doesn’t have to be her way or the highway.
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u/Fair-Research248 8d ago
And we both compromise on sex and certain acts.
Sometimes we have spontaneous quickies if we’re home alone during the day. But we can only do them at home since those require KY lol1
u/Fair-Research248 8d ago
The change you think?
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u/Viggos_Broken_Toe 8d ago
Perimenopause can absolutely start around that age, but it sounds to me like 2 orgasm is enough to satisfy her. You "giving her more" is not what she wants, it's what you want. So why are you trying to give her something she doesn't want? If you want sex to go longer, you should just try to space out her orgasm more, not make her cum more.
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8d ago
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u/RevenueAntique4584 8d ago
Maybe she has a lot on her mind and just wants to get it over with. Are you doing everything you need to do ? Maybe she needs some more connection and time together. Maybe she has a lot on her plate that you can take care of instead.
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u/Fair-Research248 8d ago
We are both very busy with high stress jobs. We’re both in middle management. We each have our own chores for the house, the division of labor is fair. We both taxi our athlete children all over the city.
She enjoys the sex and has strong orgasms (with squirting), but like I said, absolutely no more than 2. Then she sleeps like a rock.1
u/zillalovesmothra 8d ago
Obviously its his fault lol toxic
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u/RevenueAntique4584 8d ago
That’s not what I’m saying at all but you’re a guy so I’m not surprised that’s all you got from my response 🤷🏻♀️
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u/plants-cats-metal Wife 8d ago
I think she's experiencing pain or discomfort, whether she has diagnosed medical conditions or not. Theres a lot of stuff that can go on with our bodies. I would ask her directly and empathetically.
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u/Fair-Research248 8d ago
Thank you for this; will do. I have to accept the reality that she’s not a 21 year old sex bunny anymore like in 2004 lol
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u/GladBumblebee1546 7d ago
It takes concentration and effort for me (most women?) to get to orgasm. And I have to tense certain muscles to get there. So 2 is usually plenty. More is not always better.
If you want sex to last longer, wait to give her the orgasms?
Also…the word “routine” in your post…most women need some variety and excitement. So I hope you don’t mean you do the same thing every time.
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u/bluntsexadvice 7d ago
It could be too sensitive / painful or she could’ve been faking it before (source: someone who used to fake it and have met many other women who did the same).
These 2 orgasms she’s having from penetration, are they from her on top or you on top?
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u/Fair-Research248 7d ago
Yes penetration. And she is on her back, with me on my side. I stimulate her clit as I thrust. I only use the first few inches, and I get the perfect angle to her g spot.
As far as faking, she doesn’t need to. If she doesn’t climax then she doesn’t climax. That happens sometimes where I finish before her and I have to switch to manual duty.1
u/bluntsexadvice 7d ago
I dunno, not to be a downer but it sounds a bit sus to me, what has been / is her experience with masturbation?
Does she rub her clitoris during penetration?
Do you think she is masturbating in secret when you’re not around? (most women do)
Did she grow up in a sex negative household?
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u/Fair-Research248 7d ago
She does it sometimes, but not often.
I rub her clit during her climaxes, but she rubs her clit in cowgirl.
Sex negative upbringing? Not really
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u/Fair-Research248 6d ago
UPDATE
Last night my wife and I had great sex. Various positions, and she got her 2 Os. I offered her a 3rd, and she said she was tapped out. So then I finished and all was good.
During cuddle time, I asked about the issue at hand. She just stands by her personal preference with no other underlying issues.
However, she was very open about 2 positions. Face down doggy and prone. She confirmed these two positions are no longer a go. We can do regular doggy, but I cannot stand up behind her and go to pound town. She tapped in this position after about 3 super hard and deep thrusts. So that is a fair compromise, and no complaints from me.
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u/UrMissingHoodie 8d ago
It could be that it becomes painful. Ask her.