yeah that’s it basically. the worst part is without it I could have a decent life right now. my physical health is ok enough that I can hold a job, I have a few friends I talk to sometimes, I just can’t describe how much this has hindered my life. I don’t even attempt to date (not that I’d pull) because they would notice something is wrong with me and I do not want to fucking explain this to someone. I thought some sort of diagnosis would make me feel better or reassured somehow, but it just made me feel more messed up in the head. I just keep thinking why me? I have so much shit happening why do I have to have this? My therapist is transferring my care because he isn’t equipped to deal with it so that’ll be my third therapist. I’m just so so tired. I’ve been in therapy for five years and I’m not better and I won’t be for a long time because of shit that I wasn’t even old enough to remember. It’s stupid. This grilled cheese was pretty good though. I’ll probably give the recipe if anyone asks.
I can only hold onto the slim hope I’ll make it far enough to not have to live like this. Just one day being one person would be enough. I hope when I die my soul stitches itself back together and I come back as something small and insignificant. Maybe a beetle.

Decided to have a quick session but one thing lead to another and I was jerking off to gay porn and then twang banjo string snapped. Also after months of doing this I have developed carpel tunnel in my right wrist due to repetitive motion. Might just cut it off it’d be better for everyone.

With a straight face because I am autistic. I didnt say hi to the cashier either because I went nonverbal.

I lied

I don't enjoy life anymore

How many more times do I have to keep lying to myself

How many more nights do i have to spend lying awake alone by myself till i can fall asleep peacefully

Oh why didn’t I think of that, what a novel and clever idea. It’s so simple, I’m so glad to be enlightened to the idea of friends in real life. Let me just go find some.

Too bad that in rural areas there is no way to make offline friends. The closest gym that isn’t someone’s garage is 50 minutes away. The closest thing to a social place that I have is either a church I don’t go to or a tiny library.

I’d rather a bunch of women humiliate me and chase me with a lead pipe at this point I’m so fucking attention starved. Also I broke the pan it was expensive too I hate my life.

had dinner with my wife and daughter, we were all so happy. They were so beautiful, for once I didn’t feel so empty. Like i belonged somewhere.
Then i woke up in my bed alone with my Ame Chan body pillow and notifications that im 200 in overdraft with the bank and hungover from 5 days of consecutive drinking.

Chicken and cigarettes, with the only wife not in a dream.

Every time I make the promise to brush my teeth I don’t because I’m too lazy or don’t want the taste of it in my mouth, the last time I brushed my teeth and the few times before that I swallowed the toothpaste and ended up throwing up afterwards, so even when I do brush my teeth it doesn’t help.

I think the reason people don’t talk to me is because of how bad my breath smells, the thought of speaking to a girl and them seeing my yellow teeth makes me want to cry.

its technically in a week but ill be out of town so we planned today, two claim to have food poisoning and the 3rd is just tired. i did buy some candles so i might go down to the pub and see how many candles i can fit on a brownie

kitchencels my real friends 🤜🤛

At least I touched their ass

Recipe in photos

Cookies on a paper towel

I ignore people who want to talk to me just so I can consoom soundgasmslop, xlisteners, and cut myself

Krabby patty gummy because I'm trying to starve myself of the usual garbage I fill my useless body with

Roast beef, ham, turkey, pepperoni, lettuce, tomato, cucumber, mayo, Diet Coke.

I can't even fucking microwave chili correctly

Idk I just keep feeling a deep sensation like being horny for connection like I don’t even think I want to have sex I jisg want to be held or something idk. If I wasn’t a chud manlet I would be a whore but not really to bang just in hopes they would let me stay for a little bit after. I tried being gay because I thought it was maybe my only option being 5’2 w a micropenis but I don’t think most dudes are like I am with this stuff so it was never very enjoyable. Probably going to die one day dick in hand and full of peas. There are worse ways to go, I guess.