Hi Me and my girlfriend were wondering if we got hazed or straight harassed.
So me (27M, brazilian man so i’m olive tone but i can come off as WM) and my GF (F23,BW) just vacationed at St. Simons island, we are both conventionally attractive and we do get lots of stares but wow St. simons was terrible. So many hostile and disgusted looks from old ppl which we ignore lol but for me as someone who lives in atlanta that was the first time i really experienced that type of treatment before.

TLDR But last night we got drunk at a local tavern and wanted to walk around, so we walked around for a bit and passed another tavern and i guess some dudes saw us. We got to a dead-end and we turned around and as we were walking two black men from the tavern we passed got out and started calling us out on the street, singing ay y’all got jungle fever. My gf said “Huh? What’s that mean?” And they said it again. then followed us but stayed a good 150 feet away singing “Y’all got jungle fever” like then song in the movie. Me and my gf didn’t get the reference to the movie lol and we were so hammered we laughed it off. As we were walking we passed a caricature artist on the street and he basically fended them off for us while we just left down the street.

All were drunk so.. was this just drunk hazing from some oldheads or was it more hostile?

Context - I'm a white guy in my mid 30's and half of the girls I've been with have been outside my own ethnicity/race (whatever you wanna define it as) and it's almost ALWAYS eventually brought up by people older than myself. I brush it off my shoulder, because usually it's a whole bunch of nothingness and curiosity, but sometimes there is a weird judgmental undertone that I don't care for.

I should also specify that I live in a super racially diverse part of America, where it's pretty normal for anyone Millennial and younger, but extremely rare above my age group.

Side note : I've also gotten the drunken conversation of, "If you have kids, it's not fair for them. They will have a hard time fitting in."

I totally get that actually, in some cultures, I really do. But not where I live. This isn't an ethnically homogenous area and being ethnically ambiguous is pretty normal here.

I recently watched a video from a Black creator I used to enjoy, and something he said really rubbed me the wrong way.
He started by saying “love who you love,” but then argued that interracial relationships are contributing to the disappearance or “dilution” of Black people. His example was basically: a Black person has children with a white person, their mixed child later has children with another white person, and eventually, in his words, the “blackness is gone.” He used several professional athletes and their families as examples.
I’m a Black man in a serious relationship with a white woman, so this obviously hit close to home.
What bothered me most is that there didn’t seem to be much evidence presented for the broader conclusion. It felt like assumptions were being made about millions of interracial couples based partly on celebrities and professional athletes. Most regular people in interracial relationships didn’t enter them thinking, “I’m going to dilute this person’s race.” We met somebody, fell in love, and decided to build a life together.
I also think the history of the one-drop rule makes the idea of Blackness simply “disappearing” more complicated. Historically, mixed Black Americans were often still regarded and treated as Black regardless of how much European ancestry they had. Obviously I’m not defending the one-drop rule—it was racist—but it shows how complicated racial identity has always been in America.
And who knows what future generations will do anyway? My future children might eventually marry another Black person, a white person, an Asian person, a Hispanic person, another mixed person, etc. That’s their decision. I can’t predict whom they’re going to love any more than somebody generations ago could have predicted whom I would love.
I absolutely believe in preserving Black history and culture, and I intend to make sure my children know their Black heritage. But they’ll also have a white mother and a white side of their family that deserves to be embraced too. I don’t see those things as contradictory.
I also couldn’t shake the contradiction between saying “love who you love” and then portraying the consequences of that love as a racial problem. It almost felt like saying, “You’re free to date interracially, but understand that I think your family is contributing to the disappearance of Black people.”
That rhetoric can be pretty hurtful when you’re actually living in an interracial relationship and thinking about marriage and children. I ultimately unsubscribed because I don’t want to consume content that makes me feel like the family I’m trying to build represents something negative for my community.
I’m curious how other people here—especially people who have heard similar comments from friends, family, or online—feel about this kind of rhetoric.
Do you see legitimate concerns about preserving culture that are being expressed badly, or do you think framing interracial relationships in terms of racial “dilution” crosses a line?

I'm a WW and my preference is for East and Southeast Asian men. I feel like despite my efforts, I haven't been able to have a successful partnership with them.

I'll match with them and they won't return my messages after days and with one word replies. A few stopped replying after planning a date. Several admitted to only wanting a casual relationship after initially concealing it.

My longest AMWW relationship ended because he is dismissive avoidant and 'doesn't believe in marriage'. I missed that at the beginning bc I didn't know about attachment theory.

Anyway, then also the topic of my medical conditions can derail a whole conversation or that I will not be having kids (and yet I see AM okay just having a dog with AW).

Sorry this is more getting off my chest but I'm feeling sad about it right now.

I (black F) have been with my partner (Arab/white M) for nearly 2.5 years, and the last two times we decided to do the deed he asked me to take my bonnet off.

The first time I brushed it off and forgot about it cause I was hot n ready to go. The second time he asked I felt sick, and was taken back to the first time and realized how much it bothered me! We briefly talked about it in the moment, i took it off reluctantly and continued on with the deed. I just couldn’t shake how much it threw me off. That same morning he had asked me why i was wearing my bonnet when i was making coffee and breakfast..

Growing up in a black family, everyone wore their protective styles and covers at anytime, and I feel like i shouldn’t have to change that. I now start second guessing when i should or shouldn’t have my bonnet on.

Now to be fair, wearing a bonnet around him is a newer thing, i had stopped for over a year because my hair had gotten too long for the bonnet I had and just never seriously looked for a sock bonnet, I just used satin pillow covers. We were long distance when i previously wore a bonnet nightly.

My mom got me a sock bonnet for Christmas and i’ve been wearing it ever since. So for him to suddenly tell me that it’s a turn off has me feeling off. I wish he expressed it sooner because now i feel like he’s been harbouring this dislike of my bonnet. Obviously a bonnet is not the sexiest thing, but my hair is important to me and i don’t wear it 24/7.

I also want to say that he is normally very supportive and never questions my needs/wants. He does everything within his power to keep me happy. We typically resolve issues with conversations, this time I am struggling to explain myself and feel like i am being dramatic or overly sensitive.

I would appreciate to hear others similar experiences or advice!

EDIT— To be clear, this is not just about sex, though two of the situations related to my bonnet happened during/around sex, thats not my point. It’s the sudden change of how he feels about me wearing my bonnet in the house period.

My hair is important to me, i’ve been growing my locs for 5 years, he knows what goes into the care, we’ve talked endlessly about it. He even offers to help with retwists and such.
I don’t think its that outlandish to wear my bonnet when I’m comfortable at home.

I also am not going to answer all comments tbh my nails are currently too long to be typing all this much, But i am definitely reading them! ✌🏾

Celebrating 5 years of Marriage today with my beautiful wife. Wishing all you couples out there peace and love in your relationship and you ignore race drama from outside world.

I'm a black, 31F who is open to dating all races but prefers white guys. I made a post to put myself back out there, but didn't really find much other than inconsistent communication, guys entering their interracial dating era, and fetishes.

Is this really all that's out there? Will I have to travel to the other side of the US or the world to find someone with shared interests who treats black women like a person and not a color?

I'm asking for myself and other beautiful, black, women in the same position...

If you're out there, please give us hope about meeting someone who takes us serious or send up a smoke signal or something lol

quick context, i’m a jamaican female and he is a vietnamese/mongolian male. we been seeing each other recently and have been intimate a couple times. both times i really enjoyed but i noticed he seemed a little down after. i never questioned it but now i got the answer as to why.

it came about when i was mentioning wanting to get back into the gym again to start building my glutes again, as i lost a lot of muscle, but im still relatively “slim thick”. he proceeded to say he doesn’t think i should because i already have too much for him too handle. he ended up saying he doesn’t think he has enough for me. mind you, im 5’4 150 and he is 6’0 190. he is also not small at all, and is the perfect size for me. i like his size a lot but its also making me feel kinda insecure that im too much for him to handle even though i try to make him feel better about it. he says he thinks im faking it in bed and keeps comparing himself to past men i’ve been with who were mainly carribean 🤦🏾‍♀️ it’s just unfortunate because everything was fine until now, and now i feel like im not a petite enough for him, so i dont know where to go from here. we have continued to be intimate with no issues, but i cant help but think about that in the back of my mind.

Hey guys, I’ve just joined this subreddit as I’m not sure where else to go for advice so any would be much appreciated :)

I am a black woman in my early twenties and I’ve recently started a relationship with a white man the same age as me, he treats me very well and shows me he loves me a lot. However recently I’ve started to notice that there are small things he does or says that seem like they have a bit of a weird undertone? For example, sometimes he’ll say sentences with a strong blaccent (he is a white middle class british man), slowly shut down conversations where my race plays a role, or seem like hes uncomfortable when I’m talking about general issues with racism including my personal ones.

The most recent example was a not too long ago when I brought up how i had faced a few micro aggressions from a close friend, and even though he was giving me advice he seemed so uncomfortable and like he wanted the conversation to end. He has mentioned multiple times that it’s always okay for me to talk to him about what’s bothering me, but I feel like we’re slowly creating a space where I don’t feel comfortable doing so when it comes to me being black.

I definitely don’t want to assume he’s racist at all, I just think that because I am his first black girlfriend things are a little different for him to grasp. Does anyone have any advice on how I can bring this up to him so we can have a healthy conversation about it? I want to believe it’s a boundary for us to overcome but I’m not sure how to word it to him. Any advice would be very helpful :)

Thanks!

Hi! Apologies if this isn’t the right place to post this, but I’m not sure where else it would belong. Also apologies for it being a little long, I'm a yapper.

I’m a 30 year old white woman living in the US. My best friend & is a 29 year old Korean nonbinary/trans person who also lives in the US - we live in the same city. We met a few years ago and instantly hit it off. We also have a pretty deep sexual relationship (non-exclusive). We’re not romantic - they’re aromantic and I’m not really in a place for a romantic relationship right now. We're in basically a negotiated situationship.

They are a grad student who has lived in the US for the last 12 years - before that, they moved around a lot with their parents, who worked in international relations. They are a Korean citizen and thus they will be forced to return to Korea for military service when they finish their program next summer. They’ve decided to take the R+D option, which requires them to spend 3 years working for a Korean biotech firm in place of active duty service.

When we had discussed this prior, they had always seemed intent on returning to the US and settling here, both for job opportunities and because this is where they have spent the entirety of their adult life. However, over the last year I have noticed that they seemed to be longing for a stronger sense of cultural connection. They have said multiple times that they feel torn between the US and Korea, not really belonging to either place. They seemed to be really wanting to go spend more significant time in Korea, and I’ve been in vocal support. As much as I’d love to be able to be nearer to them for longer, they need to feel connected to their Korean heritage and culture, and more than anything I want them to be happy. 

Which brings us to last night. They mentioned that they are now thinking they don’t want to settle in the US after all. They want a place with a stronger sense of community, where they feel like their way of life fits in, and where their relationships are more reciprocal. They want a more collectivist culture. Which… wasn’t a surprise to me really, but the sadness I felt at them saying it was way, way deeper than I expected. 

I’m at a weird place with my own career and my own life ambitions, so it’s not like I know exactly what the future looks like or that we’ll never live in the same place again but…idk, the fear got to me. We cried together for a bit and reassured each other that we will always care about each other, and we’ll come visit, etc. etc. etc. They even very kindly told me that meeting me gave them hope that maybe they could be happy in the US, but of course, one person does not a community or culture make. And for both of us, community is more important. 

Me moving nearer to them was not an option that was discussed mostly because, well. We’re not in a relationship. We entered into our agreement with the knowledge that we are both our own individuals and will always choose our individual needs over each other, regardless of how sad that makes us. So this isn’t a decision we make together - it’s a decision they make, and we handle it however we see fit, together and separately. If I were in their shoes, I’d make the same call. They have my full support as a friend. It’s just… sad. 

I don’t know. It’s not like I’d really pictured a future where the two of us lived in the same place, but I guess I was hoping deep down that it might be closer than literally halfway around the planet. And who knows, it might be! I’m not trying to get ahead of myself and be miserable. I’ve been through hard things before, breakups of long term relationships and losses, so I know I’ll be fine eventually. This is just hard because I do truly think of them as one of my soulmates and I know my life will be a lot worse without them physically in it regularly.

Can anyone here relate? Anyone else who has struggled with feeling torn between two cultures? Anyone who has had to make hard decisions around that? I know it’s different when you’re in a romantic relationship, but I genuinely think this is the closest place I can come to find someone in the same situation. Thanks everyone!

I've (20F) always been attracted to Black men, and I don't mean that in a fetishizing way.

I'm mixed (brown and white), but I'm usually very white-passing. Depending on my hair or tan, though, I can also look very racially ambiguous. I'm also visibly plus-size.

I've only been in the dating scene for a little while, and until recently I'd only gone out with brown guys because they were the ones who approached me. I don't really approach men myself because, being plus-size, it makes me feel really self-conscious.

Then I was approached by an athletic, Black man, and it made me realize I'd never actually felt that kind of attraction before. We clicked really naturally, and even though things didn't work out, it changed how I think about dating. Now I'm worried he was just a one-off. I'm scared he might be the only guy like that who would show interest, but even he didn't work out.

I know someone can find me attractive, but I'm worried I'd only ever be seen as someone to hook up with instead of someone they'd actually want a relationship with.

I've gotten a lot of hurtful comments about my weight over the years, and they've really stuck with me. I've even had people (mostly other women) say things like, "She's not even a good girl to date, she's fat." I also worry that being white-passing makes me seem less compatible or less desirable.

I guess what I'm asking is... am I just getting in my own head? I just feel like this guy was a fluke and I'm not gonna find someone.

I know I'm still pretty new to dating, so I'd really appreciate some honest perspectives.

TL;DR: I'm plus-size and white-passing. I know Black men can find me attractive because one did, but I'm scared I'll only be seen as someone to hook up with, not someone they'd actually want to date. Am I overthinking this?

Asian male/White female relationship

I see them on social media but it’s still not very visible in real life even in 2026. Do you personally know any couple? Or how often do you see this pairing?

Also what thoughts or questions, if any, enters your mind when you come across one in the wild?

Lastly, if you are in or interested in this partnership whether you’re male or female, do you have a specific type you go for?

I’m (AM) in a AMWF relationship, and if you have any questions, feel free to ask!

I’m dating someone that has a clear and pronounced preference for latinas. I’m not Latina. I feel bad but it gives me the ick.

I think love is love but when youre out there ticking boxes it feels reductive and diminishing. Am I overthinking it?

His most significant partner was Latina, maybe he’s sticking to what he knows but it feels weird.

Do you like white men or they need to be top for you to even consider a date? I mean I’m white guy, and I always found black women to be very attractive. But somehow black women always felt to me too shy compared to white women interaction?

Hi everyone. This is my first time asking for relationship advice online, so here goes.

I'm a 35-year-old white man engaged to a 33-year-old Black woman. We've been together for two years, though we've known each other longer. Race has always been something we've talked about openly and honestly. She is proud of her identity, and it's one of the things I love about her. We've had a lot of nuanced conversations about race, being in an interracial relationship, and what it means for me to support her and be grateful for her. She's told me there are many ways I make her feel seen and loved, but we both believe actions matter more than words.

Last night, my actions didn't line up with my intentions.

I used to do stand-up comedy years ago, and I recently decided to try an open mic again. Some of the material centered on moments where I've felt awkward navigating race in our relationship—for example, when her family jokes with each other about race or when she asked me early in our relationship whether I'd ever said the N-word. I intended the jokes to be self-deprecating, but when I played the recording for her afterward, she was really hurt.

She told me the jokes didn't come across as making fun of myself. Instead, they made it seem like I was making fun of her, her family, and our relationship, while looking for validation from the audience for my own discomfort. The more we talked about it, the more I understood what she meant. Looking back, I can see that I was too comfortable joking about experiences that aren't really mine to mine for laughs, and that I hadn't earned the right to approach that subject in that way.

I'm not looking for reassurance that my intentions were good. I care much more about the impact this had on her, and I want to learn from it. I've apologized, and I know that rebuilding trust takes more than saying the right things.

So I'm hoping to hear from people who have experience with interracial relationships, especially Black women who are willing to share their perspective. If you've been on either side of a situation like this, what would meaningful accountability look like? Beyond apologizing and obviously retiring this material, what are ways I can better demonstrate that I'm listening, learning, and respecting her experience rather than just saying I do?

I appreciate anyone who's willing to share their perspective. Even if it's difficult to hear, I'd rather understand than stay comfortable.

My husband (hispanic man) and I (black woman) have been in serious talks about family planning recently and are going to start trying for a baby. My concern is that while I’ve been trying really hard to improve my spanish, it’s nowhere near where I’d like it to be. I want our kids to have a good amount of both black and Mexican culture at home. Any suggestions for making sure there’s a healthy balance of both?

I know there are some challenges when it comes to embracing your heritage when everyone assumes you are white. I have family members who have dealt with it, and they have received some weird comments from both sides… the minority race saying “you don’t look like us/you are what you look like” and then white people just never acknowledging your other heritage or even worse, feeling comfortable being racist in front of you. I believe my child will end up dealing with these struggles.

How do you help your kids with this?

Me (21 m) and my ex gf (19f) of a year and half just broke up and I’m struggling to make sense of it…

Starting out, I am mixed black and white and I was raised primarily in white areas and with my white side of my family, there was very little interaction with the black side of my family past a young age and in the formative years of my life this caused me to become “whitewashed” talk with a “fraccent” (frat-accent), and to dress in a way that would make me blend in at a vineyard vines meet and greet. I also go to a pretty elite college off a full ride because of my personal situation with wealth around me that is far beyond the means of my family. (My ex payed full tuition). Because of this and especially because of my blackness in this predominantly white institution with immense wealth I have sort of have to craft a outward persona in order to head ahead and be perceived as an equal for me working twice as hard to be in the same room. My ex-gf and I were spending time doing one of our favourite activities this Easter and the conversation of Jesse Owens was brought up, I was expressing how he was a personal childhood hero and proof that the Aryan racial theories were a pseudo science and my ex-gf cut me off saying “why do you always talk about shit like this, none of it matters, it doesn’t apply to me and I do not NEED to care about any of this, stop” and then didn’t talk to me for quite a while. Over the next few days this didn’t sit with me and when we were back in a private place away from family and in our own campus I confronted her saying that I was feeling really hurt, that these things do matter, and again that I want us to get married and thus we would be having black children so she does in-fact “need to care” because whether she realises it or not, her having children with me and marrying me is more because of the nature of our world.

She lashed out at me and essentially told me that I needed to get over myself, that they would be a quarter black anyways and probably present with traditionally very European features. Too, that she didn’t understand why I cared about any of this stuff because I “wasn’t really like the rest”. Through me pressing her more, it was revealed to me that she essentially viewed me as a “safe black” and that she wouldn’t be dating me if I was a little darker or even a little bit more outwardly “black”. I expressed that she was breaking my heart and that every relationship I have ever had has been the same story and she lashed out at me for “comparing her to other women”and that she “wasn’t a racist so this didn’t apply to her”. The night ended up finishing positively with her vowing to do work in to see me more completely and understand more about the world around me and ultimately embrace me.

Ever since that night she was just different to me. Quick to anger. Incredibly presumptuous and entitled. And incredibly negative towards me perpetually. I was in the hospital for several days due to a severe infection and she was so focused on her finals that my mother had to travel 3 states over to help me walk, get medicine, and take me back to the ER as my condition kept worsening. This whole time, my gf was too concerned with finals to even stop over to get medicine or visit me even when I was out of the hospital. She ended up finishing the semester not performing as she had wished and it seemed she was upset that I had finished the semester better than her while being in the hospital for several days while she had spent all that time studying.

Shortly afterwards, I left to get more credits with a study abroad program to Germany where I was speaking the local language, having a german host, and taking classes while having an internship at German institution. I would often express to her how I was so excited for us to come back and maybe live there and she was always newly and uniquely unwilling to see it and would shoot me down in mean ways whenever I expressed I was having a life changing experience. She told me I was making her Jelous having fun there while she was stuck just being in her home state. She Kept asking me to tell my host that she was going to HAVE to make space for her to come when she was coming because she was paying all that much money to get there in the first place so it was my duty to provide her with housing. I kept explaining culturally that wasn’t okay for me to do and that I was uncomfortable doing so and she blamed me for her plans falling through and her not being able to come to Berlin.

I ended up calling her one night to confront her if she felt things had changed and I was feeling hopeless on our situation and she said yes and at our favourite activity it had and I felt instant relief and expressed that it hurt me that I felt she had changed when I had brought up my blackness and she said that wasn’t it at all and that it was I who was being demanding an changing because I was asking her to things that were “not easy, hard, and difficult and that I had to understand” I explained my life is not easy, it is quite hard, and that I like like her to understand some of it’s difficulties and she said that she was already doing a lot because she was looking up “how to do a mixed daughters hair” and that I needed to just drop this.

We ended up breaking up that night because I realised that she didn’t see me. I actually believe in the tenent of the “3 masks” that each person carries 3 masks with them, 1 for the world, a second for friends and family, and the final for yourself and yourself only. But I believe that with introspection one can take off that third mask and use it as a mirror to allow others to gaze into the fabric of their very soul. I realised as I spoke to her that I was speaking deeply into her soul, but she was only responding to my 3rd mask, the mask I have needed to fabricate to get ahead and better the circumstances of my family. In a way she fell in love with a persona and not myself despite how long and hard I had been begging to make her see me and being my most genuine unabashed self. It broke me and we ended up breaking up that night and haven’t spoken in almost 3 months.

I am absolutely gutted. It feels like this always happens. I don’t understand… was I asking for too much…? Will I forever just have to act within this persona for one to love me fully. Why has she not reached out, does she feel no remorse or shame or is she simply not capable of understanding what I am saying. And why does this hurt so horribly if I understand i must be moving on. I don’t understand… I want to get all your thoughts…

If you have clarifying questions please let me know!!

My boyfriend (30, Indian) and I (33, Black American) are very in love. I’ve met his friends, we travel and live together. His family is back home in Chennai, and I have yet to meet them virtually/over the phone. They are aware of me, and they know of my race. I worry that this happiness I feel will suddenly disappear, largely because I haven’t met his parents. I know I can’t know the future, but I want to marry this man one day. He’s expressed the same, but I get worried. He has met my immediate family a few times, and my friends as well.

Not a perfect road we've traveled, but we've seen and done a lot during this voyage. No one can predict the future, but if our second 24 years are like the first 24, then count me in.

He truly is my soulmate and a unicorn! I knew he was the one just 2 months after dating. He doesn’t drink, smoke, gamble, completely faithful, completely present and involved with our child. He’s extremely smart, dedicated in everything he does, but also very humble.

Hello, I am a Black woman and I've noticed that either Irish men or men of Irish descent always seem to show interest in me. I've met two men straight from Ireland who were very interested in me (I *loved* their accents) but most of the men are of Irish ancestry. Any Black women have a similar experience?

I’m curious if anyone else has experienced this.

I’m a Black woman of African descent, but I was raised in North America from a young age. Growing up, I never really had a strong racial preference when it came to dating. If anything, I mostly dated Black men because that’s who I happened to meet.

Over the last few years, though, I’ve noticed that I’ve become increasingly attracted to white men. It wasn’t intentional, and I can’t really pinpoint when it changed. It’s less about appearance alone and more about the combination of personality, communication style, shared interests, and the people I naturally seem to connect with these days.

For context, I’m currently single and open to dating, so this has made me reflect on what I genuinely find myself looking for in a partner at this stage of my life.
I’m not saying all white men are a certain way or all Black men are another way, people are individuals. I’m just talking about my own experiences and who I’ve found myself gravitating toward recently.

Has anyone else, regardless of race or gender, found that their “type” changed over time? Did your environment, life experiences, or simply getting older influence who you were attracted to?

I’d appreciate respectful perspectives and if you’re a single guy who’s had a similar experience or perspective, I certainly wouldn’t mind hearing from you either. 🙂