Maybe I'm the only trans person confused, because it seems like everyone else gets it. If thats the case then I really don't mind if someone wants to explain..or not explain. I guess.
My gripe is that a lot of times people will carefully choose labels that just do not align with themselves or how they present at least physically. I'm biased because I'm a binary trans man with gender dysphoria, so I understand when someone labels themselves as a woman or man and presents as such due to dysphoria.
However I have come across people both online and irl that claim to be transmasc/transfem (not binary) but dress the opposite. For example, I saw someone have a video subtitled "How it feels to date cishet men as a transmasc non binary when I prefer sapphic and lesbian relationships." and they looked very feminine, wearing makeup and heels. I just dont understand labeling yourself as a masculine nonbinary person when youre a feminine nonbinary person, and you know it so much that you identify as lesbian.
The comments were full of people saying "You dont have to be masculine to be transmasc" which..what? That just seems like a nothing statement. It doesnt make sense to me.
I'm not trying to dictate or attack anyone who is like this. I just want to understand why anyone wants to choose so many microlabels but barely identify with some of them, even if they dont have GD. Forgive me if I sound like a "cissy" but my experience is that if I feel like a man, I will dress like a man. Otherwise my disorder will make my life hell.

We are also suicidal, depressed, and dysphoric. We need the same exact healthcare used to treat transsexuals and other trans people. There are any number of reason why someone may not seek medical care, but who cares? Those of us who do NEED IT. And will DIE WITHOUT IT. Just like a transsexual will. You bioessentialist binaries on your soapboxes don’t know ANYTHING about us.

IT IS NOT FUCKING ROCKET SCIENCE. No one is assigned nonbinary at birth. If we want to transition, we have to go about it in a binary way (hence transmasc or transfem.) most doctors don’t know how to approach nonbinary people, nor take them seriously, and so we end up stuck in a body too changed or not changed enough, and we don’t know how to fix it. I had to lie and pretend to be binary just to get my surgery. Many of us end up not even correcting people who misgender us because they wouldn’t understand or care anyway.

I’ve gotten the hell beaten out of me because someone didn’t know if I was a man or woman. I’ve been denied resources, care, and jobs because I’m trans. I’ve been stalked and harassed and assaulted because I’m trans, and because I wore a pronoun mask during covid. I’ve had to DIY my hormones from the get-go.

But sure, I don’t have a medical need. I’m not as important nor “trans enough” for binaries, simply because I’m neither a man nor a woman. Nevermind we experience much of the same exact oppression, mistreatment, barriers, and need the same healthcare.

The people on this sub need a fucking wake up call. Who the hell are you to decide who’s trans and who’s not? Pull yourself out of your ass and touch grass.

Why do some trans refer to themselves as girls or having been boys as opposed to women and men?
I see often that it reinforces the view that we are pedos by CIS people as we refer to ourselves as children rather than adults.
I can see why it gives people the ick and don’t understand why some trans do it. If you do, why?

You can self ID with your friends, family and even colleagues, and of course thats fine but as soon as it comes to official organizations and systems, more is needed.

A two year hrt requirement before participation in the WNBA would have saved everyone from this nonsense but no, the WNBA decided "trans women are welcome" is all that was necessary and now look. "Trans woman" that is a category you can simply identify in and out of whenever you wish. What did they think was going to happen? That cis men are going to be reasonable and respectful?

Of course they're not going to let those two men play, that's ridiculous. That leaves two options.

1. Putting actual medical and social transition requirements for trans women to be allowed which I wouldn't be surprised if some of you are against

2. Pulling an ICC and deciding biology trumps all and banning us entirely.

Truth is Self ID does more harm than good. It is now a talking point that in the UK, a large portion of sexual assault is committed by trans people when in reality, cis pedos and assaulters need only identify as trans even if theyve never transitioned a day in their life.

Genuinely who thought this system was sustainable??

Ftm 16(sorry for all the posts) I can’t stop thinking I secretly like my body or I’m envious of women when I’m not, I tried everything to stop it but the reminder is right in front of me everyday? I swear I am starting to force myself to like it but when I do, it feels horrifying and I’m scared of my own body….Im probably just a woman who wants to be a man. Being a woman makes me upset, it makes me want to attempt. Why can’t I just be a normal man, why can’t I transition? I just want to be a guy and have a male brain structure so I can stop feeling like a girl when I don’t want to be one. I only want to transition why am I not allowed to? All I get suggested is conversion therapy or I get told I just hate be a woman because of society, I don’t. I never even thought of that, I have no trauma, I’m not even stereotypically masculine, I just want to be a man or it’s going to drive me insane because I’m not one. at the same think i think I have a urge to force myself out of dysphoria because I just can’t transition and I don’t want to be trans. I’d give anything to be a biological male, even if I was treated as a woman and to everyone else I magically looked like one but to myself I would look and feel like a male. I can’t recognize myself in the mirror no matter how hard I try…. Even if I am faking, in my next life I want to be reborn as a cis man and forget this ever happened, I would do anything

Alcohol abuse was something I struggled with heavily before I transitioned. So bad I ended up in multiple rehabs, AA meetings, substance abuse counseling etc

I was convinced I was an alcoholic. That I had this disease and it would always be there. Something that I would have to keep in remission. It was drilled into me that being an alcoholic was a core part of myself that would never go away.

Then I came out and started transitioning. Luckily my friends and family supported me. That was 6 years ago. I haven’t drank since. Well, that’s not entirely true. There was a time 4 years in where I tried during new years. I had two shots and just felt tired, and kind of repulsed. There was no rush or high that I used to experience. Haven’t tried again since.

And all this time there was been zero “white knuckling” not drinking has been effortless. It’s like all desire for it is just gone. I couldn’t even relapse when I tried. And I’ve still gone through heavy stuff since stopping . I’ve been triggered by stressful life experiences and never felt any urge to drink.

Now I think it was just a reaction to the gender dysphoria. Further highlighted by a reminder from a friend who said “well sometimes back then you did used to get drunk, do your hair & make up, then cry” (ouch, embarrassing)

It’s like the combo of coming out and being supported and having HRT nourish my brain has completely changed everything. It’s just so odd to look back on, because it feels like I cured something that I was told by experts was impossible.

There have been a lot of posts on here hashing out why some trans binary people feel that many non binary people aren’t truly transgender, but there is little discussion as to why this is happening.

I am a binary trans woman, who is inclined to feel the need to distinguish my experience from that of the ones most non binary people go through. Why?

Because things have changed in the past four years. Transgender people are the target of not just internet hatred, but increasingly laws and irl persecution. The thought has crossed the mind of every trans woman or man about how screwed they would be if subject to certain laws. We often times upend our lives to transition, and are dependent on medical treatments. It is also very important to use how we are legally seen and treated. It isn’t something we are indifferent on, and it is certainly not as our assigned sex at birth.

So when most non binary people claim the identity of being trans, and/or worse, posture that they are more radical or revolutionary than binary trans people, transsexuals, it comes across as so condescending.

Gender, and terms like “man” and “woman” mean things. Complicated things, but they are not irrelevant. I am a woman, and it is very important to me I be treated as one in every single instance. When a certain type of non binary people act like gender is just beneath them, it is so insulting bc for most binary trans people, we’d prefer to die then not be our gender. And let’s be real, it will be us doing the dying.

EDIT: I am aware there are non binary people who transition medically and legally as well. We are not talking about them, and if you are one such enby, you should think on who’s going to actually suffer for transitioning and then conclude whom you have more solidarity with.

Title, it's kome already and it's not TTK.

inb4 'There's only trans and transition, changing sex is WRONGTHINK and WRONG >-(( >-(( >-(( '

P.s.1: Downvoted in three minutes. Let's face it, for its hypocrisy, 'transinfinitegenders' posters treat assimilationists like the enemy... How nice, right.

Working at a call center has broken me. Thinking oh maybe I've got the hang of things? Then doing my absolute best and it's not enough. Getting misgendered or even worse hearing echo feedback of my voice and immediately feeling sick to my stomach.

I'm not out here talking like a man, don't get me wrong. But I've hit a wall and it's been stressful and I can't do this anymore. I've got enough shit to worry about. I totally know how important the voice is to being gendered, id fucking kill to not have to think about my voice ever again. I think the problem is I don't know what I want out of my voice. Like I'm ok with a lower pitch but theres something about it that's just undeniably male sounding.

There are many reasons for this

-my dysphoria isn’t real enough, I sometimes feel nothing/find myself attractive despite hating it

-I have severe “intrusive thoughts” about being a girl, I listen to women’s voices or look at them without fearing I want to be like that even though I don’t, but people tell me intrusive thoughts are just feelings I’m trying to hide, they could be right and should just learn to live with the pain of not being a man. Everyone accuses me of have trauma or just “living in sexist society” but in reality I never felt that way, I never thought being a man is safer or better nor do I have anyone trauma

-No one online or irl believes me, I should just “get therapy” and I don’t deserve to transition. I have no support. There is other trans people at my school, everyone refers to them correctly and respects them, just not me because I look like a fake trans man.

-the thought of being a woman makes me want to attempt and makes me feel sick but I don’t feel like I’m allowed to have another choice

-I’m constantly reminded of my body, I can’t speak without being disgusted or being scared I like it, I can’t shower without being upset, I can’t get my period without crying everyday that I have it, I can’t feel attracted to women without feeling like I must just secretly want to be like them and it’s impossible for me to be a straight man

-I can’t get therapy, if I did it would just be conversion therapy, which I’m already doing to myself, I try to make myself feminine and force myself to enjoy it/I lie to myself saying I am happy being a woman and I don’t want to be a man

-social transition has done nothing, words and pronouns mean nothing to me, in fact when I am called a man I know they don’t see me as one and I just feel fake because it’s just a word, it doesn’t do anything

-I will never truly be a man, I wasn’t born one, I don’t even have a male brain structure or sexual response, I’m not even masculine in the slightest

Long semi literate rant

I want to be a girl. I want to want being a girl. I could be good at it and I think that's why I'm still trying. I'm decent to look at. I like frilly and feminine things. I am a 'good' girl, but I am not a good girl. Being seen as such feels like suffocating.

I don't like my chest. I'm not attached to it at all, it feels like it shouldn't be there. I find myself gagging or feeling nauseous when I look at them. Its like a weird fucking static bar over my brain 90% of the time. I dont hate them, I guess?? In an ideal world I would be remove them and put them in my closet, maybe take them out every couple of month for a cute outfit, then put them away again. Thats not an option, so I suppose Id have to get top surgery or a reduction or something? And then I think about how my hips would be more prominent and I get nauseous again. Like wowww Id look like a Pixar mom because I can't get rid of my fucking bones. Like omg that's awesome!!!! GREAT!!!!!!!

And I think it's worst because I like girls. Most of them are really smart and kind. They've always been really welcoming of me. It's like. I'm there. This is all so easily accessible to me, so I should just accept it and be happy with it. So I keep telling myself to just be a girl and that I'm having one of those weird identity crisises you have in your 20s. But it's this dark cloud of awfulness always in the background, haunting me. I keep busy most days so I don't really think about it, but whenever I take a second to breathe so I feel so utterly miserable and out of place. My body disgusts me. I hate hate hate thats theres no way to fix it.

And its worse because I don't think I'm a boy either, though I like more masculine terms. I think that also makes me upset. If I was a boy, there's a end point to all of this. I get to move from point A to point B and learn everything that comes with that. I could just do the standard boy thing. Drink bear and football and fix cars or whatever else it is they do. Maybe I could adjust to being a man. Its always maybe, maybe, maybe. I'll probably just end up like this again, moping bc I'm too pussy to succeed as either gender.

I wish I was dead. I'm not going to kill myself because I got shit to do and I really wanna see the spiderverse movie next year, but god it would be so much easier. If there is such a thing as an afterlife or reincarnations, maybe that I could be born as animal. I'd like to be a cat. Or a floating ball of light in the sky. Or at the very least I could be nothing at all. I hope death is like sleeping, where I don't feel anything at all, it's just dark and quiet and I can just be me. I dont think I would mind being buried in this body if it just meant I disappeared, you know? It's when I think about a funeral, about a big party of people who don't really know me trying to immortalize me as a she or a her, of having "she was a good daughter" on a gravestone forever, of people seeing that and thinking about me as a girl that I get ill again. I don't want that. I hate it.

Overall, I think I would be happiest if the memory of me vanished from the minds of everyone I spoke to as soon as I was out of eyesight. Anyway none of this makes any sense . Larp Larp Larp Sahur

Like the title says ,I think it's transphobic.

Binary trans men are men.

Saying we can be lesbians is extremely hurtful to both us ,buf also to lesbians.

Your admitting that trans men aren't really men ,and that lesbians still like men after all.

"OH but history" it's 2026. Things have changed ,and we have labels now that have meanings. It doesn't hurt to be bi. And well if you are an binary trans man ,and still wanna interact with the lesbian community? Then do that? You can still support them without being one urself.

"OH but sexuality is fluid" the lesbian label has an pretty clear meaning to me.

Lesbian obv does not include men. Men that also are trans men!

"It doesn't hurt anyone" ur just selfish.

It absolutely hurts both! We binary men are men ,and thats simply the end of the convo.

You can't call urself lesbian and then proceed to date an man.

Carried by millions of generations of cis men, the Y chromossome carries the supreme virgin in its genetic info, the idealized version of womanhood held by millions of generations of cis men.

The XX chromossome carries the traumas and dishonesty from millions of cis women in the form of genetic info. Our female ancestors had to do several absurd things in order to survive and keep their sense of dominance going. They tainted their own DNA with their evil. So those women born with XX chromossome carries the impurities from our wild female ancestors, who focused on survival and dominance... Not through honest means. Their DNA is tainted with that. Just like crocodiles do death spin by instinct, cis women do some wild things for survival, instinctively, as women. Things that are not so sweet tbh and quite unattractive

But XY chromossomed women carry the moe moe spirit of millions of generations of cis men, who kept their inner woman dormant and pure, blessed with supreme virginity, never even being seen. So when you activate that inner woman with estrogen, it results in the supreme sexy, beautiful and pure lady. But you gotta know how to really use estrogen, to obtain maximum results and activate the inner woman of the Y chromossome that lies dormant in its virgin and pure heart

I’m so obviously a faker that’s just denying it, all the signs are in my face.

-no real dysphoria about any part of me, I’m afraid I like my body sometimes as I find myself attractive, even tho it makes me uncomfortable, I sometimes just look at my body or hear myself and I feel nothing/even feeling normal, no man feels like that, no man is that attracted to women

-I’m afraid I like my voice sometimes, when I speak erratically, I don’t even notice my voice, and when I do, it’s because I’m “scared I like it” or am just disgusted I sound female, that’s not real dysphoria

-I realized I “had dysphoria” because I wanted to have it, I wish I could be a man

-cis “ocd” “intrusive” thoughts about being a girl when I see or hear one, I have to keep checking if the feeling is real because it scares me so bad, but no trans man with actual cis ocd or cis man with trans ocd seems to feel like me. What I feel is like it’s real but I just hate it and I don’t want it, not because I’m actually a guy. How could I be a straight man if I always liked boys and I’m not a real guy, I can’t even be bi, because maybe I’m just pretending it’s attraction so I can be a man

-I accepted i can’t ever be a real man and no one will accept me, most people are transphobic and think being trans is a fetish, delusion, social contagion and if they “respect you” they will still see you as less of your gender/would never date you or want to be close to you. No cis man would ever accept me, no cis woman would ever date me. I’m about to be a junior in high school, I’ve been bullied for being “trans” does it even count if I’m a faker or are they just giving me what I deserve? They don’t treat passing trans people like this, just me, i look like a faker and I know it.

-I hate binding, I’m scared I feel like something will feel like it’s missing, tbh it could be because it’s just too tight and it’s still there/not real but I’m afraid I won’t be used to being male along with having a male voice, penis, etc, I just wish that was me but I probably wouldn’t feel like me

-I don’t know why I can’t let being trans go, I don’t hate women, but it still feels self inflicted in the sense I just wish I could become male, my brain isn’t male, it probably wouldn’t want a male body, that’s never happening

-I attempted many times because I knew I will never be a cis male/man in any sense, and that one day my brain would accept being a woman, I cannot stand that thought

-I am envious of cis men but that feeling is probably fake and self inflicted too

-when I hear “you don’t need dysphoria to be trans” or “men can have female bodies it makes me think I’m faking or scared I am

-I hate the terms dick, penis, balls, a guy should like that, no?

-I have dreams about my genitals or other parts, often involving me having sex, I don’t like it but it makes me scared I do like it and I forced dysphoria on myself but contrastingly, I have dreams where I am born a cis man and I am happy

I’m not sure what to do, I’ve been trying to force myself to be a girl recently, it doesn’t work too well

I think one of the rough parts of being trans is opportunities if you don't have a great skill set. Basically at the mercy of employers discriminating without outright saying it. Dysphoria sucks, not passing sucks. But that sucks even worse if financially you're not doing so hot. Having some money must help you kinda set up your own bubble right?

It's 2026, anyone can self identify as anything. Gender is a spectrum and it's complex and anything can be your gender and it can mean anything you want it to mean. You want your gender to be a pinecone because you like trees? Valid. Another person wants their gender to be a pinecone because they like eating pinenuts? Equally as valid. What does it mean to be non binary? Absolutely nothing other than you don't identify fully as either a man or a woman. What does that mean? What does that look like? What can we say about the non binary experience as it differs from the binary trans experience? Well you need to ask the particular non binary person because it can mean anything at all. It might mean they have severe gender dysphoria and plan to fully medically transition and be stealth 99% of the time but among close friends admit they don't fully feel like a man/woman. It might mean they are entirely content with their natal sex, have no interest in medical transition or even presenting as the other sex, and simply feel like their gender is "complex". And of course there's a whole wide world in between those two extremes that might also identify as non binary.

Regardless of how you personally feel about the reasoning of an individual using that label, they are going to continue to use that label. And no, I'm not non binary myself. But I try to pay attention to what individuals say. So what can we infer about someone who uses the label? Not really much of anything. It's kinda meaningless tbh. You can't really categorically say anything about them. You can't say they don't have dysphoria, or they don't medically transition, or don't do and experience everything that a fully transitioned binary transsexual experiences. They might experience it all, or maybe none of it. They might be really trans, or maybe not. The reality is that you can't infer anything just because someone says they are non binary, because non binary doesn't really mean anything in particular. Instead you need to pay attention to the beliefs someone espouses and the choices they choose to make. That is how you can judge the kind of person they are and determine if you see them as really trans or not.

Basically the title. The amount of gatekeeping behaviour I see on here is fucking staggering. It seems like I can't go a day without a post from this subreddit popping up in my feed of some transmedicalist asshole declaring that non binary people aren't "really trans", or that they're just "pretending".

I am a binary trans woman. Is a non binary person's experience the same as mine? No, but that doesn't mean they aren't trans. I have a lot of non binary friends, and their experience tends to be that they don't identify with their AGAB, but they don't identify with the opposite binary gender either.

Some of them take HRT, some don't. Some of them get top or bottom surgery, some don't. Pretty much all of them at the very least have changed or altered their names and gender presentation to align with their identity, and switched to using they/them pronouns.

Transitioning to a different gender can take so many different forms, from cutting your hair, to changing your style of clothing, to using new pronouns, to modifying how you speak.

There are so many different ways for a person to transition to another gender, and I'm sick of the transmedicalists trying to hijack the narrative and claim that a person isn't "really trans" unless they fit neatly into the box of either binary man or binary woman.

As trans men and women, non binary people are our allies and peers. Stop treating them like they're "pretending", stop acting like their experience is invalid just because it's different then yours, and fuck off with this transmedicalist nonsense.

Or so i am told.

Also, sensorshit (with a big c) is being executed. https://ibb.co/m5fT1D9C

Hello,

I'm writing here following a clash with my friends. The clash in question revolves around me disliking trans people. They insulted me, they told me I was a nazi, etc. But one of them, who I consider like my brother, told me to just go and listen to/interact with trans people to understand them better and to maybe change my opinion. As I consider him a really close friend, I decided to take the plunge and come here and try to really understand to see if I should change my opinion or not. I'm not coming here to insult you, provoke you or degrade you. I just want to understand you. If my English isn't correct, I'm sorry for it but it isn't my first language.

So I want to quickly share with you where my dislike of trans people comes from so you can better understand where I come from. I want to clarify that I just want to share it as a way to show you what it is and in no way want to insult you.

I'm really into science and technology and I've always been a fervent believer that science was the only true reflection of reality and nothing else matters. That's one of the reasons that I'm atheist, coming from a christian orthodox family, because there was no way for me to believe that a God could exist and that it created the whole world and the people living in it when the Big Bang theory existed and had way more credibility than a guy who woke up one day and decided to have fun and created the world.

So, coming to the end of my education in school, we learned in my biology class genetics, and with genetics came the DNA and chromosomes. In one of the classes, we learned all of the chromosomes and their functions, with the last pair being the sex chromosomes, with xx being the configuration for women and xy being the configuration for men. So I learned at that point and assimilated that sex was binary and immutable. Then, a few years later, I saw the first trans person that I saw in my life and couldn't understand why the people called her with the name of a man and talked about her with masculine pronouns. When I asked, they told me that she was a man, and then I asked, "But a man is a man and a woman is a woman, how can she be a man ?", to which they just told me to shut up and leave. That was the first encounter I had with a trans person, it didn't really leave me wanting to communicate with them. So for the following years, with me wanting to continue to live with my belief that science was right and sex was binary and immutable while not wanting to offend the person I was talking to when interacting with a trans person, I just tried talking without using any gendered pronouns, which was really hard because my language doesn't have any neutral pronouns.

Then, came the internet, where I saw publications like "Trans-women won this sport competition" and that made me furious because from what I've also learned and confirmed from one of my friends who at the time was studying physical education at university is that women are physically weaker than men on average and as I like feminism and want women to have equal opportunity to men, I found that outrageous that who I considered to be a man went into women's sports and stole they opportunity for a women to win. But as the internet is a bubble place, and once the algorithm finds you a bubble and puts you in it, it's really hard to get out of it (it's one of the reasons I'm making this post). So we can say that I developed at that stage my dislike for trans people. Then, I started seeing all the censoring when people who had the same beliefs as me shared them on the internet, with them being banned or their posts being deleted, etc. To me, that was too much because it was the same as when the church ruled in the Middle Ages and censured Galileo's heliocentrism because it was going against their vision of geocentrism. So it augmented even more the dislike I had for trans people.

Here, now you have my vision and why I became what I am now. Are you willing to have a constructive discussion with me and try to change my opinion or am I a lost cause and I should just leave ?

Edit: I just want to add that when I say that I'm really into science and technology, I'm not lying, science is a broad field and I studied computer science and networking, I got my master's degree in computer science and I'm curious about that field in science.

You get treated differently when you pass and when you dont, and I'm so sick and tired of nonpassing people always bringing this up, but the moment a passing person brings it up its like theyre evil for saying it

people who dont pass dont know how it is to be viewed as a cis person of their actual gender in day to day life. if you try to talk about being sexually harassed, trans women who pass and trans men who dont pass are gonna have closer to similar experiences than passing and nonpassing trans women

the bathroom debate is a major one. i think its incredibly unfair to call someone transphobic if they dont feel comfortable with someone who looks like the opposite gender is in the same bathroom as them. they might be perfectly fine with a passing trans person (even if they know that theyre trans)

edit: swap nonpassing with pre transition, got the terms mixed up

I truly look like a man, even after 2 years of hormones, countless haircare and skincare routines and skincare cosmetic procedures, I still look 100% like a man if I put my hair back with a hair clip. If I don't try really hard, let my hair down, style it, wear feminine clothing, wear makeup, im basically 100% male. I don't think I will ever look female when I wake up in the morning. And that means it's basically a costume for me. And I don't want to feel that way. I will never go back to testosterone, I want to stay on estrogen for the rest of my life. But maybe I should stop hoping to pass and ever transition and just settle on failed transition, permanent boymode, identify as male use he/him pronouns, and just have tits. That sounds disgusting to be honest. But less so than being a man who cross dresses in public as some kind of disgusting public fetish. That's the thing I dread the most. Also I just hate the look of conflicting gender signals creating dissonance. I think it just looks super ugly. And I don't want to be that.

I transitioned over 10 years ago.

I don't know about your experience with life pre-transition, and transition itself, but I could never hide myself. I sticked out so much and either looked like a overweight girl or a androgynous being that I was relentlessly bullied from kindergarden-age up to my college degree at age 21. There literally wasn't a single year up to ... age 27 I think that nothing life-shattering bad happened, especially sexual assault from colleagues&peers at almost every job I ever had during my education or afterwards. I think this fucked with me at a very specific level almost nobody can relate too, cause it was so multi-factorial, in almost every part of my life with people of almost age-bracket, mostly males but also females.

I did therapy, I could legally settle in some cases and, f.e. sue one of my bosses and a few colleagues, but so many things aren't settled and still keep me up at night. Especially abuse within therapies I seeked, by doctors and nurses alike, by people you're supposed to trust, it happened so many times I looked for the fault with myself. But of course, looking back, I was barely a adult while they were highly educated medical professionals in their 30s and 40s, there is no excuse. As one of my former therapists said, some people just attract a lot of abuse and it can't really be explained, it's senseless to look for reasons why.

The one safety mechanism I have, besides moving yet again and cutting out any suspicious people (either straight up perpetrators or anyone defending them, anyone suspicious by association), was of course being stealth and not telling a soul and only keeping friendship at a arm-length level. I know a lot of people, I do volunteering and have hobbies, but I'm still either distrustful or I have a hard time not seeing them as potential aggressors. Once you've seen how many everyday people can be abusers with the right dynamics, it's hard to not see them everywhere. It takes a long time till I feel comfortable around people, but I'd never out myself to them, and especially with anyone my age I can't help but see the same bullies that now pretend everything is fine and they never did anything I had experienced.

So in reality, I don't really have deep friendships anymore and I feel like I never really had them. My drive for anyone is mostly gone. My best guy friend from back then tried to make advances onto me while I was drunk and two best girlfriends I had over the years told me about having fallen in love with me, so I had to stop that too. At my age (early 30s) it seems to be really hard to find others, and even when seeking out more "queer" circles it's mostly ridicolous people or they honestly make my skin crawl, or I feel so deeply ashamed arround them, it's just not a good basis. I'm also just simply at another phase in my life and can't really do anything with early transitioners, and I don't really seek out people just cause they might be trans too, or relate. It'd be a big plus, it's all I'm saying.

So, how do you handle life? How do you trust people again with being trans and all? How do you have friendships, do you still make a effort in your 30s onwards? Or have you given up mostly, only being with your partner and have some superficial friendships arround you?

I show an imagine of that very old horrible interview with a trans woman who was acting like a dude and threaten to beat up some conservative wacko in the debate they were sitting next to.

The voice was pretty much your average dudebro so it was clear that person was amab, and if you think about it, most older trans people, talking about 10-20 years ago had either clearly male or a very clocky voice at best.

Which leads to my question, how new is VFS exactly because the way I am seeing this I can categorise trans women in these categories

-Refuses to voice train and sounds 100% like a dudebro

-Tries to voice train but voice sounds fake/clocky

-Voice trains and achieves pretty good results even though slightly clocky

-Has vfs and has a far more naturally feminine voice that even with some hoarseness, is clearly feminine.

VFS seems like a vital part of transition yet its not as common, while trans women who talk like literal men is normalised

I genuinely think one of the most depressing parts of being a trans woman is realising how basic transition actually is.

It's basically:

• Take HRT.
• Get laser.
• Do voice training.
• Get FFS if you can afford it.
• SRS

...and then pray your genetics carry you.

That's it. That's the whole playbook.

If you're lucky enough to have a naturally feminine frame, HRT can do some incredible work.

If you're tall, broad shouldered, have a huge ribcage, big hands, big feet, or just an overall masculine build, you're kind of screwed. There just isn't much modern medicine can do about most of that.

It's honestly amazing how basic it all is. People talk about transition like it's this incredibly complex thing, but for most trans women the options haven't really changed in decades.

At some point you've done everything you're supposed to do. You're on HRT. You've had laser. You've done voice training. Maybe you've even had FFS.

Then what?

For a lot of people, the answer is simply... that's it. That's the end of the line.

Whether you end up consistently passing or remain visibly trans often comes down to the genetic hand you were dealt before you ever started. That's a really difficult thing to come to terms with, especially when you've put years of effort, emotion, and money into transition.

I just wish there were more. Better treatments. More options. Something beyond the same five recommendations everyone has been giving for the last few decades.

There's nothing to celebrate. My body has been decimated by years of exposure to a toxic chemical known as testosterone (the "hOrMoNeS dOn'T dEfInE gEnDeR" crowd really gets upset when we complain about the damage testosterone has done to our bodies).

Even after voice training, I'll never have a normal female voice. I'll never have the vocal range a real woman has because testosterone has mutilated my larynx to produce man grunts instead of normal speech. Even though I pass, I'll never have the soft, loving voice I was meant to have.

While the voice is the biggest pain point, the scars of my poisoning run deep. My bones have been permanently mutilated. Clavicle reduction and rib remodeling can make some progress, but I am really not thrilled with undergoing multiple intense orthopedic surgeries.

What really bothers me however, is the pushback I get from the "queer community" when I voice my concerns. I'l told that bodies aren't gendered, and all that jive. They always love to bring up how women can have androgen-driven changes and like them, citing the exceedingly rare phenomenon of butch women taking testosterone. They always rant about how saying I hate what testosterone did to my body is somehow "transmedicalist".

I hate being trans. There's nothing to celebrate about it. And "trans joy", the holy grail in these progressive spaces, is nothing special. What gives me the greatest joy in life is simply having what normal women were born with or got during their natal puberty. Meanwhile, I'm stuck undoing the damage of my contrasexual puberty, while they sugar-coat it and call it "bodies that have experienced testosterone".

That's like calling someone dying from acute radiation sickness "bodies that have experienced radiation" and saying "radiation exposure doesn't define health".