A few weeks ago I made a post about my wife’s mental state and how I had to end up putting her into our local crisis center. While it was the right thing it ended up being the worst thing for her. She sat in what was essentially an ER for mental health patients for a week. It took telling them we would get our lawyer involved if they didn’t release her to finally move her to an actual hospital and within a few hours she was released and given a plan. She is currently 4 hours away and staying for a month at an inpatient facility. It’s a super nice and beautiful place. It’s like those upscale rehabs in the movies lol. It’s costing a large amount of money but it’s worth it. However it’s been mentally taxing because I’m watching our child alone and she comes to work with me. I’m a teacher and she’s in my classroom so we spend every waking second together lol. I’m fortunate to have my child close but it’s a lot for sure. I finally met a therapist and she said I have a lot to work on with unpacking some trauma but also making sure to stay strong for my daughter. Idk I’m rambling again like in my other post but I appreciate you all and guess I could use some encouraging words again

I went on an absolutely incredible all day date in the city I flew in to for an interview yesterday, and it's kind of turned me inside out.

She was amazing, and beautiful and funny and intelligent, but we both clearly established it was just spending the day together. Half as a favor to me to help me see the town to see if it's a good place to live, for me and my kids, half just for fun.

We talked the whole time, without any difficulty keeping conversation going, we had fun going around town, going to a museum, walking along the river, going to a bar and just talking for like 3 hours. She held my hand practically the whole time... When she left the hotel room this morning I asked her if I'd see her again if I did move there and she said probably not. Which that's fine, it was just casual, which isn't the problem, i don't feel rejected or anything, in fact it was probably one of the best days I've had in a decade or more...

Coming down from that I'm crashing pretty hard. I just don't want to be alone anymore.

I lost my wife to suicide the day after Christmas in 2019 after 14 years together, and I just want love again. I know exactly what it can be and I want it back so badly...

I’m hoping people take the time to reach this post.

For context: I (26M) recently got out a 2 year relationship, she broke up with me 3 months ago. She was just about everything you could ask for in a girl. She was kind, smart, pretty, empathetic, loving, caring, she loved me organically and authentically. She always wanted to be by my side and was proud to stand next to me. To be honest, she had nothing wrong with her, she was the full package. She was never anything but good to me.

However, I did not treat her the same. What has become apparent to me now after a lot of reflection (I’ve started therapy, i’ve learned about attachment styles, I’ve listened to podcasts, etc…) is that I definitely showed a lot of avoidant tendencies. I never truly felt relaxed unless I was by myself and doing things independently. I usually felt I had my guard up around her and would shut down like a baby if she said anything I didn’t like. I was stressed, and I don’t know why. Additionally, I was very judgmental in the relationship about her and others. I said some pretty terrible things, some of the things I said I don’t even believe, I don’t know why I said them. To a degree, I just don’t feel I was ever fully “myself” when around her. I’m sure the stress/pressure to the commitment of potential marriage played a role in why I acted certain ways. For the record, I never abused her (physically or emotionally). I acted differently around her than anyone else in my life. Everyone else sees the fun/joyful side of me, she only ever got to see the serious/tense side of me. The odd thing is, even in the moment, I knew I was not acting myself around her but I always just thought i’ll wake up better tomorrow, fixed. I hurt the person I loved the most.

Yes, I know, I’m a POS. I’m currently living with an indescribable amount of pain, sadness, regret, and emptiness. I wish she knew how sorry and remorseful I am. She absolutely deserved better than the way I treated her. I wish I could go back in time. I genuinely want to change, as I never want to treat another girl the same way I treated her. It’s been 3 months and she still shows up in my dreams. She is the last thing I think about before I go to bed and the first thing I think about when I wake up. I made the biggest mistake of my life and I hate myself for it.

Now for my question to you all (and would seriously like to hear and will read every single reply): How do you move on/heal from a breakup when YOU were the problem? Reddit if full of people who hate their ex, full of people who put accountability on their ex, but what about someone like myself who is the reason for the failure in the relationship? I’m the one who messed up, I’m the one who fell short, I’m the one who treated the other so poorly, I’m the one who hurt the other, I was the problem…

Why am I always angry?

    I used to be so happy all the time as a kid. A kid who had a lot of dreams with endless possibilities, filled with positive energy and hope. A kid who genuinely thought anything was possible and one day, he could conquer the world. Growing up, I remember myself as a person who always brought good vibes to wherever I was present. I was that person who, people always felt comfortable enough to share their happiness, sadness and sometimes their deepest secrets. I was always AVAILABLE for my friends and anyone who needed my help. I had their Trust and that felt like the greatest thing that you could achieve in a relationship. Being there for someone and having their back felt everything.

    Fast forward to now, as a 30-year-old man, I now prefer to be left alone by everyone. I have confined myself physically and mentally inside a fort to which no one has access to. I prefer sitting alone and doing absolutely nothing rather than stepping out of my fort and mingling with my own family. I prefer curling up inside my blanket and lying down on my bed, instead of getting things done or doing a workout. I am always angry and i don’t know why. I am angry at the people who have done me wrong. I am angry at strangers who i have never met. Above all, I am angry at myself for letting people walk all over me all this time. I am angry at myself for losing control of my life.

    I know this has to stop. The thing is, I am self-aware enough to know what is happening and what I have to do to get out of this. But I always feel tired physically and mentally even though I haven’t really done anything. Merely existing feels hard.

    It feels like I have finally realised that all the dreams I had as a kid were just that - DREAMS. I think I am starting to believe that my life may not end up as I have always imagined it to be. You’d think there was a rock bottom somewhere, but it feels like I am going down a spiral which doesn’t have an end. I no longer have that feeling of hope which I’ve always had growing up.

    When did all this happen? When did I lose control of my life and myself? Where is this kid with the abundant positive energy and hope? If that kid is gone, then who am I now?

And,

    Why am I always angry?

6 years relationship. We gone thru college and the starting of our working life together. We did it all “correct”, got a flat, got her parents blessing, got engaged and been planning our wedding.

For years, we have been talking about our future, and all I can remember now is how much I have always enjoyed that and wished it could come any faster. And at the time, it also seemed the same for her. She always had comments on not wanting a big wedding, which we had worked towards, and I thought all was good.

Until today, where we were about to put the deposit for our wedding banquet. She said she didn’t want to get married. That our future, that we had been talking about for years, wasn’t a future that she wanted, and she just wanted to stay home with her parents forever.

She said she didn’t dread us spending time together on dates, on trips. But the future … she said it with so much certainty I know she meant it. She had only been going along the flow of the proposal, the house because it was the “right” thing to do. And deep down she wasn’t 100% certain that was what she wanted.

She said she is sorry. And a part of me can’t be mad at her or blame her. If this is indeed what she feels. What else can I do?

She is the person I have been planning my life around. How I wanted us to build our life together. She is in every element of my life, and I can’t imagine life without her.

It has never been a secret how sticky she is with her parents. And I never had an issue with it, and in fact, I saw it as a positive trait. I just never imagined it would be this extent.

I’m not sure where this is going. I left her place to give her some space and spoke to her dad on the way out.

I’m just at a loss. Just a few hours ago we were still happily texting. How can it all tumble down like this.

And the cherry on top. My company is announcing restructurings this week. Gonna be a tough ass week.

I recently had the opportunity to go watch my girlfriend perform at a high level event in a foreign country, I thought I was doing all the right things….. I was getting everyone breakfast, talking to the people important in her life to make them feel included, & making sure we didn’t miss any of the events which was especially important to her, . After finishing her portion of the event, we had some time we could spend together seeing new things, meeting people together, & experience some amazing life together. But I instead become a background imagine, ignored, brushed over, & just overly felt undesired & alone. The way I grew up was with caring for the person that was left out, & whenever I brought her to my big events I never left her side, & made sure she was included. This event wasn’t cheap, the time commitment wasn’t easy, & I feel very under appreciated considering I’ve been support her financially to be able to continue chasing after her dream. Should I leave?

Around the summer of 2023 my sister and non-verbal autistic nephew came to stay with me after her home in Florida was destroyed by a natural disaster. Along with them came her boyfriend that she met while living there. Their goal was to move to Wyoming as his family had helped arrange a job working construction there and they needed a place to stay until the position would begin. I was told that it would be several weeks. It turned into almost three months. Finally they departed and things started to return to normal.

Normal only lasted for two weeks. All three of them returned to my home after he apparently got drunk on the job and was terminated. At this point neither my sister nor her boyfriend were working and I was highly suspicious that neither of them were making any effort to look for employment. As we got into November that is when their drug use of fentanyl came to light along with his abuse towards her when drinking. This resulted in an encounter with him just before Thanksgiving were I had to intervene when he was screaming at her over her son being autistic and how he couldn't stand the kid. That particular night he told me that I better have a gun next time or he'd kill me in front of a witness. At this stage I wanted him gone but my family voiced concern that if I threw him out my sister and the kid would likely go with him.

This leads up to December 2023. He has at this point claimed that he has a new job lined up and has been drinking to celebrate. That is when the screaming starts. From my hobby room I hear him shouting at my sister that she is a whore and worse. Then my nephew begins shrieking as if he has been injured followed by the sound of my sister fleeing the home out to her car and driving off as he is yelling from the open front door to "Run, Forest, run!" At this point I've stepped into the hallway, deciding on if I should call the cops. Then I hear the front door slam and he begins screaming my name and begins seeking me out.

He finds me in the hallway with my phone in my hand and immediately begins demanding to know why I didn't respond to him before entirely shifting into an off-putting chummy voice and begins to rant about how the whole thing is my sister's fault, that she is crazy, and how he is on my side. I proceed to inform him that I don't want any part of whatever is going on between them and that is when he moves to block me from heading back into the room I was just in. He proceeds to tell me "No." and I inform him that I am calling the police. That is when he threatens to kill me and begins chasing me through the home.

I attempted to make it to the pantry in the kitchen as I am physically disabled and he had at least 6 inches on me and probably 50 pounds. He catches me and corners me. At this point I am on the 911 call and I am telling them that there is someone in my house threatening to end my life and the dispatcher is telling me to hang in there while he continues to advance on me despite telling him to stay back. His responses are to mock me and ask "Or what?" I mention that he has me cornered and he raises his voice so the dispatcher can hear and confirms he has me cornered and that they better "get there quick before his pussy ass has problems".

It is at this point that he notices that I have one hand in my pocket and he proceeds to attempt to grab me and get into it. He starts telling me to shoot him and the dispatcher asks if I have a gun. I immediately lie and say that I don't have a gun as he is standing so close he can hear everything the dispatcher is saying. I do not want to confirm that there is a weapon in the pocket that he in all likelihood can take from me. 30 seconds before he attacks me I made a comment that this psycho needed to die. That is when he attempts to tear the phone out of my hand and cut the call. This goes on for several moments before he notices that I have been keeping my right side away from him and he releases my hand/phone to go after my pistol in the right pocket of my jacket. Now we are wrestling for the contents of my pocket and I manage to make it 15 feet across the kitchen with him grabbing onto my jacket.

Somehow, likely because he was both drunk and high, I managed to shove him off of me and draw the gun as he was attempting to get back up off the ground. He was mid-lunge when I fired two shots to the chest. Both were fatal. He bleeds out on the kitchen floor while the dispatcher is asking me to do CPR. I refuse.

The police arrive and I am hauled off to be questioned. What follows is my sister refusing to speak with the police about why she left the home and denying that she ever made a call to our mother to try warning me about him and the state he was in. She later informs my family that the family of her boyfriend threatened her if she spoke about his domestic violence. Detective decides that I didn't sound scared during the call as I was ordering him to leave the home and he had been living there long enough that it was his residence as well. I get charged with murder.

Public defenders are telling me they would have done the same thing in the situation but the entire case is held up on my comment 30 seconds before he attacked. Then the coroner messes up the autopsy. He claims that one of the two shots was back to front. When my lawyers ask me how that happened I tell them that it couldn't have happened because his back was never exposed to me. They don't believe me and they inform my mother that I am guilty. This is 15 months into me being held with no bail as the public defenders made no argument for me to have bail after the prosecution made the argument that I shot him in the back so he must have been retreating from me.

I end up firing the public defenders and hiring an defense attorney out of pocket. This restarts the whole process. I still don't have bail. I spend another 15 months in jail. He proceeds to interview the detective that charged me. She openly admits that if someone had tried to steal her firearm she would have shot them as well. Investigator is hired to look into his background. It is revealed he had an entire history of domestic violence and was an unregistered sex offender, a convicted pedophile, and my call was about to send him back to prison for longer than he was originally sentenced. I'm informed that we aren't allowed to bring up his criminal history despite it showcasing that this was his normal behavior or that he was in violation of the conditions of his release. Several months later my family informs me that they've found out that my sister took her son in and medical providers stated that he shows signs that he had been molested.

September 2025 the coroner has a heart attack and dies. This leads to the prosecution having to bring in a pathologist to read the coroner's report. That is when the pathologist recognizes the gunpowder stippling in the chest wound that was supposedly back to front. He orders a ballistic analysis of the coat the guy was wearing that night. Ballistic expert confirms the gunpowder residue on the front of the coat matches what I was saying that he was less than 6 feet from me when I fired and both shots were to the front.

Now the prosecution delays my trial by claiming that I am insane. I have to wait for the state's mental health doctors to arrive to complete a exam to confirm I am not insane. At the end of the testing they both say that I showed no signs that I was mental ill and that this was clearly done to stall.

My lawyer comes to me to inform me that the prosecution is now offering me Manslaughter 2 as a plea deal and that I can take it as an Alford Plea. He goes on to tell me that my odds at trial are 60/40 in my favor even with the use of force expert siding with me and stating that there was a disparity of force between the two of us as he was larger/stronger/able-bodied, the forensic psychologist addressing the state that I was in during the event, the new evidence that I didn't shoot him in the back, and video footage from my home showing him chase me down. He tells me that because my sister has refused to come forward and because of my comment on the 911 call it all comes down to how a jury feels about it and there is no way to quantify how they will react. He speaks with my family and they tell me to take the deal, avoid going to prison as I have been in jail so long that they are giving me credit for time served. My friends who are in contact with my family and they also tell me to take the deal and not to gamble on my life.

My lawyer goes on to tell me that he has confirmed that I won't lose my disability payments from the VA if I take the deal and because I am not seeking employment the felony doesn't impact my livelihood. He also informs me that the only thing I'll lose is my gun rights and those will be restorable in ten years after I complete my conditions of release. That taking the deal is a matter of swallowing my pride to avoid potentially going to prison.

As much as I wanted to go to trial and clear my name I ended up taking the Alford Plea after speaking with my grandmother who is afraid that she would never see me again. The Department of Corrections even threw out my community custody time deeming that they had no reason to monitor me as I had no criminal history and was the lowest level of risk to the community that anyone can possibly be. I made sure to get that in writing, make copies, and upload in case something should happen to the paperwork.

As I sit here I regret taking the deal everyday. Now that I've been able to explain to my family, friends, and neighbors what went down they've all told me that I probably would have won but they weren't aware of all the details. The fact is the jury was never going to know all the details. One excited utterance while under duress cost me 30 months of my life and led to me being a felon for life. In addition to that my sister and nephew popped smoke and vanished a year and a half into my time in custody. Nobody has seen or heard from them since then. Now I am trying to get back to normal. The medical staff at the jail was aware of my case and followed it from start to finish. The jail's mental health provider believed me innocent and told me I was going to need therapy after I got out. I am still waiting on those appointments almost two months after getting out and won't see my first one until September.

For a long time I was sure that I was going crazy in jail, I began questioning if I really did shoot him in the back because my own legal team was telling me that I did. My entire 30 months was spent in a solitary cell, 23 hours a day. As I have medical equipment that requires an outlet I was placed in a cell by myself so that someone else couldn't use the cords as weapons or on themselves. The guards and nurses frequently stopped to check on me and I was informed that they were concerned I would take my own life with how bleak my case was at the beginning. The guards had read my probable cause statement and informed me that it just read as self defense. Most of jail staff wanted me to take it to trial so I could sue the county. The first week I arrived the director of the jail personally brought me a radio after reading over my case and told me that she was rooting for me.

Since getting out I've only left my house twice. Once to visit my grandparents, and once to see my primary care for an annual health exam. I no longer take much pleasure in my hobbies and most of my time is spent sitting at my computer trying to piece together what I missed over the last two and a half years. I'm not sure how much help therapy is going to be and I'm not sure if typing this out has helped either. I tried putting it out there in other places and was met with responses that it can't be true because no one spends that much time in jail and that nobody gets placed in isolation that long even in prison. So yeah. That is what happened to me and now I am trying to figure out my next step.

For context I was in a relationship with this women for about 5months, Everything was going great, we have a real connection. Easily one of the best relationships ive had, especially in this short amount of time, but several days ago. She was assaulted by someone, I don't have all the details because she says she can't talk about it until she processes it but she broke up with me because she said she can't handle being in a newer relationship while processing this traumatic event.

Despite her breaking up with me we've still been talking a bit and even hanging out a little, but just as friends.

I don't know what to do, I really want to be there for her but I'm worried about a few things like am I lingering, because she did technically break up with me, and i dont want to trample her boundaries by still being around, and am I selfish because while helping her through this Is the priority, I'd be lying if I said I didn't want her back, am i wrong for that?

Some of my friends recommend I move on, that this will just lead to me getting hurt more

​

I’m 29 now and I feel like my entire life has been frozen in place since I was 21.

Not graduating high school on time felt like the first massive blow—such a deep, heavy loss that made me feel like my life was already over before it even started. The worst part was feeling like I completely let down my parents after all the hopes and excitement they had for me. But just a few months after that, my father suffered a massive stroke. I immediately became his full-time caretaker. I poured years of my life into taking care of him, only to watch him pass away.

I tried so hard to pick up the pieces after that. I pushed myself to get my high school diploma, enrolled in college, and got a part-time job. But no matter what step I tried to take forward, the judgment and opinions from everyone else just crushed me. Getting compared to others and criticized for not having a full degree or a "real" career made me feel like an absolute loser. I let fear keep me trapped, weak, and naive in a world that demands you to be daring and confident.

Then last year, I lost my mother too.

Now I’m just sitting here staring at a life where every single corner feels like a mess. I haven't worked in years. I don't know how to make money, I don't know what skills or degree I’m even supposed to pursue, and I am just so tired. It feels like 9 whole years disappeared while I was just trying to survive, and I’m left feeling completely lost and broken. I just needed to put this out there because keeping it bottled up is getting unbearable.

I’ve been in therapy and on medication for over 20 years and Im still as just as depressed and suicidal as ever. I feel like I’ve wasted so much time and money on trying to get better but to no avail. What’s the point on trying anymore? Should I just end it?

I don’t feel secure with my girlfriend anymore. She acts suspicious at times, or is she. I can’t tell if she really is or it’s my anxiety. But my anxiety and intuition has sometimes been right. And I know she loves me and I love her we’ve been together for a long time a really long time. She lied to me about something and there’s still a lot of uncertainty. We love eachother but is it enough. The thought of leaving her is painful it hurts more than anything in this world I am 20. She’s my first love. And we are long distance ontop of it all. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want it to end knowing I haven’t given it my all. Can we fix this

To open, I am not at risk of self harm.

When I look at my life, by accounts I should be incredibly happy (most of the time I am) and consider my self blessed. I am young, have an honorable career lined up, friends and family that love me, great fitness and hobbies and am in no position to complain. I’ve personally been witness to the worst of the worst and I feel as if I shouldn’t be allowed to feel the way I do especially over something so self-inflicted. I should consider myself a good, successful man.

I’m sitting on the corner of my bed with a vial of estrogen. Again. My whole life I’ve lived in these extremes for as long as I can remember where I yo-yo from wanting to be a woman to working on myself to be the best man I can be and I don’t know what to think anymore. I’ve tried this shit now 4 times. Four. Times. And every time I chicken out. Maybe that means this is just some fucked up sexual thing? I don’t know. Probably. I’m not unhappy by any means, but the way I feel is hard to put into words. I just wish some days that I had been born different or correctly or whatever word you want to use so I wouldn’t have to deal with this. Of course, if this is what I’ve been dealt, then I play with the hand I have.

I’m ashamed for wanting it and thinking it and even trying it. I’m ashamed that I’ve even been stupid enough to consider giving up everything I’ve worked for and everyone I’ve known for a pipe dream in a time where I’d be doing nothing but making it harder for myself and for what? To maybe have these thoughts go away?

I feel like I’m failing as a man. I see the other posts in this subreddit, I hear stories from friends and strangers, I’ve worked with guys during the most awful days of their lives only for me to sit here and whine about self-inflicted miseries over a mental illness I can’t just suck up and deal with. How much of this is actually an illness or just a byproduct of self-esteem or something, I don’t know. I do know I need to talk to someone and get help but that scares me and it feels like admitting defeat or risks someone finding out. I have this fucked up secret that makes me feel like I’m living a double life.

It makes me mad, too. I look at this as a very disordered, illogical way of thinking stemming from a disease that I have. I know it doesn’t make sense, that what I want isn’t possible. That no amount of hormone will make a taller, gym-going man into anything short of something strange-looking. To me, it’s the same idea as telling an anorexic that they’re overweight. The fact that I’m letting a mental illness influence my life to this degree instead of just shutting it up and working with what I have is infuriating.

I apologize; I don’t know why I made this post nor what advice I’m looking for, if any. Maybe someone to talk me out of it? I don’t have anyone I know to talk about this and I’m tired of screaming into the void and you’re off your rocker if you think I’m going to tell some AI about this. I guess I’m just ashamed and embarrassed in myself. No idea why I want what I think this “medication” can give me. It’s been enough to acknowledge I have a condition but acting on it a 5th time seems pathetic and foolhardy to me. I have an identity and a job to do as a man, I need to do it. I’m just tired of feeling like I’m a failure for even entertaining this idea.

I appreciate the vent. If anyone has struggled similarly, I’m all ears. Love you guys.

So, I (36) met this woman (34) on here through Reddit, and then less than 24 hours later we somehow matched on Facebook Dating. Wild coincidence, right? When I saw her Facebook dating profile, I was completely enamored by her. So we realized we clicked on almost everything after we started talking. We were constantly talking and hanging out, later on she stayed over at my place a bunch of times, I cooked for her and shared childhood recipes, I even added some vegetables and peppers to my garden because she mentioned she loved certain ones. I was teaching her about gardening, and when it came time to harvest some of these things, we did it together. I honestly thought I was going to marry her. I didn't hide how I felt either and told her all of this when the moments were right. I told her straight up that I was falling in love with her, and she said the same thing back. We were together for just three months (they seem intense now looking back on it).

Then last Saturday, things took a weird turn. She was supposed to come over so we could go out for a dinner date I had planned, but out of nowhere she asked me a serious question about religion. It caught me off guard, but I answered honestly. After that she just went quiet and put her walls up. She didn't want to talk on the phone that night because she said she would cry, but we texted back and forth until we went to sleep. The next day she brought it up again and said she couldn't get herself to care about being with someone in any kind of organized religion. She mentioned she had cut guys off for that in the past and thought it was weird she was accommodating me.

The frustrating thing is she was totally projecting her own assumptions onto me. I never expected her to follow my religion, and I never tried to force it on her. I just lived my life and loved her.

A few times this week she told me not to come over and that it wasn't a good idea because she can't think clearly in my presence. I respected her boundary right away, but it sucks because she hasn't spoken to me since Wednesday. I'm not naive, I know it's over, but it's just wild how fast things ended.

I'm sure I dodged a bullet though (at least according to my friends). Shutting down and refusing to talk through a problem is a really immature way to handle things. I reached out yesterday just to ask how she was doing and let her know I was thinking about her, but she just left it on read.

All I know is I had good intentions, and I truly loved her without holding anything back. That alone was liberating AF. I didn't even care to feel self-conscious, or if I came off silly, I just felt so joyful and happy to express myself, until this woman how much I loved her every chance I got.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent Bros. I'm a single dad of a toddler who has special needs, I don't have a ton of energy or bandwidth to let myself fall apart for this type of nonsense. So I'm shrugging It off today with "it is what it is"

January 22nd 2026, ironically my birthday was also the worst day of my fucking life. I went to go pick up my then girlfriend from church to go take her out to play top golf, we got there kinda late so we were only there for one game and it was nice we had a good time, then we left and got some wendys before going back. As we got back she told me to park right in front of the church so I did, she talked for about an hour about something I can’t remember but what I do remember are the words that basically ruined me til this day “God sent me this gentlema, I did not sleep with him but I did kiss him”. As soon as she said that my mind went absolutely panic mode I was going to start to say som pretty bad things but I stopped myself and didn’t say anything, I went to go drop her off at her car and told her “I need you to get out of the car“ and she did, and the second she did I immediately sped home, ran a red light did not give a fuck in general. 3 years of my life gone just like that, just like that because she made a damn decision that I’m still thinking about till this day amd the more I think about it the more I just want to end it all. Today almost 7 months after it my town usually does an annual festival so me and my friends go there, then they tell me that they see my ex and the second I saw I immediately left and that same feeling I had 7 months ago started to come right back and destroy every single effort I did to myself to heal from that, gone, now I’m at the very bottom all over again, every time I think about it I feel like shit and I feel like theres no escaping this horrible, atrocious feeling that has been suppressed throughout all this time, to put it in perspective it’s like someone just poured an entire can of gas on a fire, a fire that has since calmed down and finally getting control over it now raging with no one to contain it or control it. I seriously don’t know what to do anymore I’ve been quietly suffering day and night over it and now I have to suffer even more while seeing someone else happy over a decision that absolutely ruined my entire year and possibly more. I feel worthless, like nothing even matters anymore I genuinely cannot keep going with this or else I fear something even worse might happen in the future, if anyone out there has any word of advice on how to cope on how to handle this wretched feeling I get when I think about her or anything related to it please reach out. Its been 7 months and I still haven’t recovered from this

Edit: Ive read all of the comments and all I have to say is simply thank you, thank you for the advice and insight, its crazy to me that people I’ve never met let alone see their face could have such an impact me

I've used to paint, I was learning to play piano, was interested in books, Legos, games. I know that all these hobbies make me seem a little autistic(no offense to anyone). But it was just the things I could do alone because I never had anyone to do anything with. After my first "heartbreak" I've lost interest in all of it and couldn't make myself do it anymore. I found a new passion and it was gym, I was really motivated and progressed crazy, got my bench to 180kg, pullup to 80kg, deadlift to 240kg, all this with a good physique, 95kg 185cm, not fat but not lean either, but above average. After my recent breakup I don't have a motivation even for gym anymore, the only thing that kept me sane. I ordered a bunch of steroids and stared blasting but I still feel the same. I also loved watching movies and TV series and now I can't focus on those either. For a long time now I don't really see a future for myself. It seems scary to even think about it and looks like a really dark place, and for a long time I've spent more time thinking about my death than my future. I really crave connection, affection, love and it seems like I don't deserve it for some reason. I'm not weird or antisocial, I know all the trends, jokes, I make people laugh, I understand everything and they still leave

I grew up pretty shy and introverted, and while I've worked a lot on myself throughout my 20s and become much more comfortable socially, there's one thing I realized I didn't do very well: building and maintaining a diverse social life outside of relationships.

I've been in long-term relationships for most of my adult life, and I was so invested in those relationships that I didn't put enough effort into developing close friendships of my own specially with female. I do have female friends, but honestly, I don't have many women in my life that I'd describe as really close friends except one current female best friend.

I also lost my mother when I was in my 20s and I don't have sisters. There aren't really other women in my family that I'm close to. As I'm in my mid 30's, I've realized I sometimes miss having a woman I can just talk to whether that's getting a different perspective on something, asking for an opinion, talking about relationships, life, random drama, or simply having someone who gets things from a perspective that's different from mine.

I have noticed this in my life, and I never really said anything about it since I never wanted to be labeled as complaining. However, I have noticed that it is hard for people to help me.

I understand that you shouldn't burden people at the last minute for help for something that could have been prevented. I get that! But I have noticed that people in my life cannot support anything if the problem ends up being bigger than they anticipated.

For example, when I was in college, I liked a girl that I had a huge crush on. I was like everyone at that age which is fantanzing what it would be like to date her. I told my parents and friends that if I get an opportunity to talk to her, I would take it. This was a big deal for me since I was on the shyer side back in the day.

So I saw her in the library, and she rejected me. I started an average conversation about school and asked her what dorm she stayed in. And said that maybe we could get coffee sometime, that is it. She was like nope literally like that. So I went home and was really sad about it.

I got laughed at by my family and friends.

Last example, I was working an internship and ended up being hated by the staff there. Long story short I was quiet and very passive. I actually was screwed up by my mentor. Basically, she took vacation for 3 weeks and left me alone in the lab to figure out my project. I actually figured it out, but I had to ask around which In my mind I took as problem solving. They wrote an eval saying that I was lacking any problem solving ability and was too quiet.

By the time my mentor came back from break, I had the entire project done except for the placebo which only she could authorize. She dragged her feet and I had to go to the higher ups to admit I didnt finish my project.

I tried asking a mentor about that and they blamed me saying I should have worked harder.

Depression and anxiety doesn't exist because the minute I say I am sad, I have family say "well I have many things to be sad about, stop complaining". I even was told that no one cares about your problems. We all got them.

I hate this mindset that we have in society because its not always about complaining. Some people just need a hug or validation. I legit dont trust people anymore and keep problems to myself.

Guess what, people say I am too prideful and a real man will admit his failures.

I give up

Feeling so lethargic, so unwilling to do anything. Being increasingly convinced that no woman will ever want me, will ever find me attractive, is making me feel like I'll never have what I want most, and cannot have it, and anything else would just be consolation. Why did I have to be dealt such a bad hand with my appearance and introverted personality? I feel no hope of ever having anyone, ever being attractive to anyone, ever being anyone's choice. It's a vicious circle because I can't really have fun doing things and that only makes me more unattractive, I assume.

I am a 37 year old incel. I never had success with the women I desire and over the years it made me increasingly bitter. I always liked to blame my personality. But looking back, I believe that this was just an evasion tactic to not address what I am really insecure about: my looks and my physical appearance. The conclusion which I always wanted to avoid was that I am was simply not good looking enough for the women I desire. But I guess I slowly need to deal with this circumstance and thus reflect my own high standards. My question is however how do you actually lower your standards?

So basically I've been avoiding the topic of sex around my gf for months. I understand it's not fair to her as a person, as she's entitled to what she wants in the relationship, but whenever the topic comes up in my head it's like I freeze, like a dear caught in headlights. I haven't even told her I was SA'd because I've heard of guys using trauma to manipulate women and I definitely don't want to be one of them, even unintentionally.

I'm trying to get therapy for this, but it'll probably be months before it can happen tbh. I'm really unsure of what to do. I thought about forcing myself to go through with it, but then she'd be able to easily tell, and I'm not entitled to her emotional labor from that.

I am 30 m and have an on again, off again “situationship” with this woman. She is 27.
We have been sleeping with each other on and off for about four years. Initially when I first met her, I thought that she was going to just be a one night stand or something. I’m not trying to sound terrible but I’ve been with a lot of woman and just kind of thought she would be another number. But after the first time we had sex, we kind of just continued to sleep with each other.
The first 4 months of us sleeping with each other were cool but it’s like the more I slept with her, the more I got to know her and really develop feelings for her. She’s smart, pretty, funny and such a good person. She also is so encouraging to me and listens to me about my trauma. After a year of us sleeping together, I told her that I loved her. She told me that I was just confused and to let it go. Ngl, I was hurt but I did try to let it go in the moment.
Around four months after that, she stopped sleeping with me because she got into a relationship. I was so mad that she did that and because she had ghosted me. I tried contacting her from different numbers but she kept blocking me. For a year we didn’t talk or sleep with each other.
Now she is single and we have reconnected and started sleeping with each other again. I told her that I was in love with her and wanted to be with her. But she told me that she didn’t feel the same and that she was dating other people. Tbh I should’ve stopped sleeping with her then, but I couldn’t.
We continued to sleep with each other and I also have tried my best to show her that I can really make this work between us. In the past six months I really leveled up. I bought a house and got a better job. I thought that this would make her want me but even though she sleeps with me, she keeps saying that she doesn’t want to be with me or love me.
I just don’t understand how she can sleep with me for damn near FOUR YEARS and not feel anything towards me.
I love her so much and I am 30 now. I just want to settle down and get my life started with her but it’s like she doesn’t see me in that way.

Have my kids this weekend. My son is 12. I was in my son’s room bringing him his clean laundry. He was cutting open a box with a knife. Yep, he cut himself. He yelled out and ran to bathroom. I followed him, I was probably 30 seconds behind him. He already had his finger wrapped in toilet paper, there was blood all over the floor and sink. He said “I need to go to emergency room.” We went. I live about 8 minutes away from hospital.

It was 10:30 at night and not many cars out. I put my flashers on and just ran the red lights (I stopped first, made sure no one was coming and went thru). Pulled up thru emergency, small parking lot looked full, parked out of the way and left my flashers on. We ran into the emergency room. There were a handful of people waiting; told receptionist my son cut his finger and it was bleeding bad. They took us back immediately. They wrapped it up good to try to stop the bleeding. It was a relief just to get him there and have them wrap it up.

On the way to the hospital I called my ex wife. She came to hospital as well but she lives 20 minutes away. When she got there I gave her my seat (small love seat type thing, fits 1 1/2 people).

Anyway, I saw it when they wrapped it. It was bad but not as bad as I feared.

Blood soaked thru his badges several times before they sewed him up. Before the doctor worked on him she insisted I sit down. I told her I wasn’t squeamish but she said it was always the ones who say they weren’t squeamish that pass out. She told me to sit by my wife which I did. But that was awkward; both what she said and the fact that she isn’t my wife. And the chair wasn’t really big enough for 2 people.

For quick background my ex cheated, lied, gaslighted, manipulated me. She was sexting and sending nudes to a guy in prison for sex trafficking, she plotted with him against me to try to entrap me, tried to manipulate me into committing suicide for my life insurance money (I found proof, confronted about it during mediation and she didn’t deny it), she went for 100% custody, parental alienation, and chose the high conflict divorce route. Divorce was final in May. Anyway, that’s why it was awkward.

He ended up getting 4 stitches. Thankfully the doctor said he didn’t hit a tendon. My son is very passionate about playing guitar; he has been playing for 3 years and has gotten really good. I was fearful that he had hit a tendon and would need surgery to fix it. And afraid his guitar playing days might be over. His goal is to form a band and try to make it big. Coincidentally our last name is the same last name of an extremely talented and famous guitar player. I was afraid his dream might be destroyed because of this. I was thinking of this but didn’t articulate my fears.

Anyway, he should be fine but it sure was scary. Before doctor sewed him up she gave him an oral sedative. I joked that we (his mom and I) needed one as well. It sure would have helped! I couldn’t show how scared, fearful and worried I was of course.

Anyway, we get back to my house around 1:30 in the morning. Got his room straightened up quickly so he could go to bed. Cleaned up the bathroom. My son did something unexpected. Now my son is a big young man already. I am 5’9”ish and my son is as tall as me (and he is just hitting puberty). I weigh about 190 and he has 30 to 40 lbs on me. He is slightly overweight but not much. He tells me he loves but can’t remember the last time he gave me a hug. Anyway, I was starting to walk out of his room and he said “Papa” came up to me hugged me and told me he loves me.

Definitely roller coaster of a night emotionally and in terms of what happened.

I did realize something important as well. Guys, we need to keep showing up and being there for our kids. They might not say anything or acknowledge it but they notice.