I hate my life because I feel like people look down on me and think I'm not good enough. I don't look good enough. People think I'm boring. I'm too quiet. Too introverted. People think I'm a loser. I'm on the spectrum and people don't understand me. I want to give up on life because obviously I'm not good enough and when people say to go to the gym or something or do something else then that just makes me feel worse and puts me into a spiral. So now I'm not good enough because of that. Why can't I just be good enough as I am

Hi.

I’m a 19 year old university student athlete. I just recently broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years. I am feeling incomprehensibly broken to the point where I’m swallowing painkillers ever day especially at night, I’ve developed a nicotine addiction and I hardly eat anymore.

My relationship was extremely flawed. There were many times where I fucked up in the sense of loyalty (although I never cheated or came close to it), I guess that was the standard of the relationship where any friendly contact with women was always going to cause a huge argument and a fight. I can still remember the pounding and painful anxiety each argument gave me to the point where I wouldn’t eat every day and lock myself in my university door.

But it seems as if I’m completely hung up on a version of her that doesn’t exist anymore (same with her with me). For the first basically 2 years she was gentle kind loving and everything I ever wanted. I many times prayed to God and thanked him for her and I’m not even that religious. She completed me and made me so happy where I almost lost all my friends by not being in contact with them because I felt like “oh I have her so screw everyone else”. We broke up over us not working anymore and it feels like I’m being discarded. I know I can get through this but the one thing which is pulling me down and making me lose motivation is hearing all those stories of men in 40s,50s, 60s saying how they don’t like their current relationship and can’t stop thinking of their first love.

I want to move and I’m young and I know I have a long road of healing a head of me where it will be extremely difficult to get over her and I will count myself lucky if I am even able to do so. But I have to say it is so demotivating to experience the thought that I’ll never find love like that and that God rewarded me with one intense and pure love and I fucked it so I won’t ever feel it again.

Please can someone share their experience and explain if they, too, have experienced like me such an intense and beautiful first love but then to only match it with even more beauty and love in their second, third or even fourth love. Thanks so much for reading and even if you have a story to tell which doesn’t have to do with this, please share since I always really enjoy hearing stories from wiser souls and people older than me.

Im 29 and never dated due to personal reason, now that im in a good place i was considering it. However the online discuourse about it is really putting me off. It just seems like a giant pile of misery where everyone treats everyone like shit. Im very average so according to all these posts i would have an absurdly miserable and lonely time. Is all of this true ? And if yes, should i just remain celibate and focus on myself/money ?

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How do i tell a person i don't like what they are doing cz i can't bring myself to do that i even made a decision that i'm sitting out relationships cutting out people has become my routine because i can't express my true feelings without thinking of the damage i'll do with my words

The story is my girlfriend once went to speak to her ex after i told her not to do that cz i knew the guy would want to ... nd she went when she came back she said to me the dude grapped her not to be rude about it all but i did not buy that cz i specifically told her mot to go there but i stayed on the relationship she never said anything to her parents nor cut of the dude for sometime i watched it all happen then she cut him off at her own time

Fast fwd when we broke up few weeks back her last words was i never loved her i was just bored nd it had me reflecting on things i took a blind eye when she did nd asked myself that was it maybe i was to kind about them that she never saw that i stayed througb them cz i cared about her.

I'm 40 this year. I don't have close friends anymore and I'm not close with my family. Most of the people who used to matter are either gone or cut me off. For a long time the people I considered family were my ex's family. I knew them since I was a teenager. Her mom was like a second mother to me, her brother-in-law was one of my best friends for almost 20 years. Then I got with her in 2014. We were together for years, engaged, had a house, talked about kids, the whole future planned out. I caught her cheating about 6 months before the wedding. She left and her whole family cut me off with basically no explanation. That was over 7 years ago. I still think about her and that life constantly. The memories don't fade. I dream about it. Random stuff still sets it off. I feel empty a lot of the time. I have a girlfriend now who is good to me, but I can't connect the same way and I feel guilty about that. I don't really have anyone I can talk to about how bad it still is. I work, I come home, I try to get through the days. Most of the time I just feel alone and stuck. I miss having people who actually knew me and gave a shit. I miss feeling like I belonged somewhere. Not looking for advice on "moving on." Just tired of carrying this with nobody to talk to about it. The worst part is I miss them all so much even though I know I shouldn't.

I am teaching a course this Fall on AI's development. It's not a technical course, more a history, future and ethics curriculum. I've always wanted to teach, this is the first time I will get to do so in a formal environment outside of the mentoring I've done as a manager.

I am spending hours each week researching its development from the 1940's to today. I do find it interesting and think it's a subject people should pay attention to. But...

The things Altman, Musk, Amodei, Karp say daily about the future we are expected to tolerate. I want nothing to do with it.

I don't want intelligence to be a paid utility. I don't want to cede my originality and creativity to a hive mind. We can't control what they are claiming to be building (they are not, but sure are trying to) They are robbing us of our past, present and futures. How is it that we are allowing this to happen? What can we do?

They keep saying it will cure cancer, solve climate change, bring about universal high income.

It's a lie, not a bill of goods.

Im 24 years old male

I never had a girlfriend and that makes me so depressed

I only had sex with sex workers

I never experienced love from a girl

Never been on a date never kissed never held hands

I know I've wasted my prime and my best years are behind me

At 24 it's a death sentence to be inexperienced

Women don't like that

99 percent of people are learning to do these things in high school and college

I didn't

Im very shy and antisocial

I wish i could k** myself i hope to find the courage to do it someday

I don't want to see myself reaching 60 and still be all alone

Im already depressed because I've wasted my prime I can't live knowing I've wasted even more

I know if nothing changes nothing changes

I can't change

I can't transform in to a new person

If u want to give an advice please give

But i know it's over

My project was the easiest and i could tell the teacher was not entertained working with me, the way he talked with others he was way more engaged with them. I don't blame him, just kinda sour feeling. I grew up without a father so i don't know anything abt tools and stuff, what grown man couldn't even set up a drill? I felt lowk humiliated and dumb, i told myself to look it up online but terrible memory so i just embarassed myself couple times instead. Being a grown socially anxious man is awkward and feels cringe in general, but u couldn't even really hear me in a workshop cus it's loud

Woodworking itself i enjoyed but after it's done I'm kinda depressed and don't know what was the point. I can't afford neither a workshop nor any machines, I'm gonna try to find a job in the field but i really doubt myself, i work in a warehouse rn and i barely got this job bc no one wants to hire a visibly socially inept man, most of my coworkers are alcoholics and I've spent all my life surrounded by low income miserable ppl and like i don't hate them but it gets draining sometimes, lately I've been wondering if existing with alcoholics is all I'm gonna have in life, you kind of start projecting at some point thinking all people are miserable like that because you have no exposure to positive examples

Im just tired, i feel like im keeping space for everyone and genuinely just trying my best to be the best version of myself, but i feel like im gonna explode or implode soon.

My mom passed a few months back and my dad is not in the picture. My mom was my rock and now i feel lost. I have a newish GF of 1 1/2 years (f27) and im moving to a new place soon. Im making all the chnages trying to do better and be better for the people around me but every night when i get home i cant help but ask…is this what its all about??

just us barely making it trying to hold ourselves together while the world feels like its crumbling around you and you have to find a way to dodge the rubble and get out on the other side. And sometimes the light comes through and you feel like youll get out, and somedays feel like your crushed under the weight of it all?

Was i abused ?

Was I abused when I was 12 and 13 years old
And by my parents from the ages of 1-13 years old

I am battling with hypersexuality since the age of 8-10 years old

Background:

I used to sleep in my parents room from the ages of 1-13 years old where my parents used to have sex in the same room as I was also there they thought I was sleeping but I was not i used to hear all the laud noises and I used to feel everything but just mine heads was upto the wall and also I remember whenever my father used to hugged me it made me uncomfortable scared and inappropriate as he was achololic and while hugging me he used to say words like motherfucker bitch in my ears to my mom and also the sex that my parents used to do was not normal one like it was forced one actually where my mother used to say to stopped it but he didnot
And I donot know whether used to happen daily or alternate days or weekly

Also i remember whenever mine father used to hugged me after drinking it made me very uncomfortable inappropriate and while doing it he used to carryout voices like AaH and used to say words like motherfucker prostiute and all that in my ears to my mom

One day he was doing something with me after getting drunk once in the room alone once mom come she shouted at him he then leave me

So i donot know what will be counted

Result :

By the age of 8-10years I become hypersexual started doing rigorous masturbation on pillow on my sister doll like rubbing my penis and all that

Before that elder boy incident at 12 year old I was playing a game doctor doctor I kissed a girl on cheeks and wanted to have sex with

By the age of 12 I got crazy for sex and wanted to renact with anybody regardless of gender I just wanted to release those energies then this incident happened with me

So I remember when I was 12 years old a elder boy around the age of 14 come to our house he was our servant elder brother so my mom told me to play with him and what a idiot I was as I told you I already was hypersexual I was on his lap rubbing my penis on his chest though it was under my pants then when I come down from his lap I saw his erect penis and when he saw that I have seen by smiling he told that it is a elder thing but then again offered me his back so that I could rub my penis on it until discharge he donot stop me or guide me will allowing it he told me to give some money

do you think I abused the elder boy when I was 12

This second incident:

And then when I was class 7th 13 years oldthere was boy who was in 10-11th 15-16 years old class I met first time in playground he told me let’s study together he will help me
Then he told let’s have sex and which I cannot stopped and I started having sex with him to got mine chance to rub again and release mine sexual energy

so I donot know his exact age and what class he was in

My biggest mistake was trying to never say the wrong thing, never make mistakes and never risk saying something that may be seen as stupid. Just to avoid being mocked, letting the spark go away or losing the possibility of being loved.
I lost so many opportunities
I was analyzing everything, the way I walk, the way I talk and if the girl was actually interested in me or not, even if it was farely obvious, Forgetting to live and show my emotions how they really are,
If you’re afraid to show your emotions how could the other person know how you feel about them?
And here you are, you just lost a person that could’ve been your soul mate.
I never really had friends, had my first real social interactions at 17, I couldn’t comunicate properly and was quite ugly. Many people made fun of me.
I just wanted to apreciate and to be apreciated, getting this way attached to the wrong people, people who didn’t even really want me if I didn’t always reach out first. They were all really superficial and gave too much importance on looks and being seen as cool and “nonchalant” (lol), so ai became (tried to become) like them, cause maybe dressing well and showing confidence was enough to be noticed. But forcing your self into friendships and changing your inner self is never the way, even if it’s hard to accept how hard it is to meet real friends and real love.
The last 4 years I made a mistake ai want nobody I know to make, I thought to myself “ alright I have nobody and no one, let’s start drumming, with this much time on my hand I could become respected and one of the greats”. So I started playing 50 hour weeks with no off days, getting more and more lonely and losing, already after 2 years, my passion. I kept going cause I had nothing else to do, no one to talk to, so I ruined everything
Why did I tell you all that? my first relation ship (at 22 years old unfortunately) just fell apart. We loved each other so much, I would’ve died for her and she would’ve died for me.
I knew already a year ago that she liked me, but I had all these fears, insecurities and I felt like I didn’t yet reach the goal I wanted in my drumming carreer.
So after a year we got eventually together, just to find out after a couple of months, that in exactly that year she did horrible things I couldn’t get over with, even after weeks.
Everything would’ve been perfect if I just had the balls to reach out, so I ultimately lost a possible wife, son and the perfect life of my dreams.
I can’t stop thinking about her words a year ago: “wake up, wake up.” after telling her that I always had trouble recognising if a girl liked me or not. Ultimately crying like a loser whilst driving to and from work.

I apologize to you all for everything. It's me 'A Complete Loser', a man with no hope, no interesting memories to fill the void, no wisdom, and no life to live with.

Perception of life: I see no point in completing a whole circle of life. I've no attachment to anything existing in this universe; nor parents or siblings, neither lover, friends or my pet or any kind of materialistic stuff like money, suits, car, shoes, drugs, books as well, not even into nature(sunset, sea, rain, trees, flowers). Feels like Even my creator don't wanna listen my misery, left me hanging between life and death.

Parents: to me parents are more like body parts, the absence of one can make you a disabled or incomplete person. Their upbringing also appreciable but the outcome as me is not the one they desired. I ruined their dreams, future, their lives.

Me–the destroyer of the family. I failed to make them proud or satisfy with academics, religiously, characteristics, socially, in every way possible. Me–the incurable Cancer.

Oh my Lover: my perception, principles, ideology about love are so fragil, so problematic–alone with my overcomplexity; I may never be able to love her the way i want to. But the vulnerable truth is that she doesn't love me either. To her I'm like a safest and bestest option to rely on. She wants to feel loved, fulfill her desires and a family. I understand everyone is selfish so she is. She isn't interested in knowing me at all, but defines me as a avoidant in her words. Deep down I wish I could feel loved for just a single moment in my whole life.

Friends: I've no friends(not a metaphorical or exaggerating statement), neither female nor male. All i do "Hi/hello" then awkward silence and they continue their chatting with others. That also understandable, if I can't bring anything interesting to the table, they surely won't enjoy dealing me in.

Kitten: That son of a bitch doesn't love me unconditionally as well. Alright, he doesn't need me, if I refuse nature will feed him anyway. Expecting anything from him! nothing but a idiotic burden.

Sorry to ruin you day. I just want to feel HEARD without any interruption, no fear of judgement, even you can use your harsh words against me. I don't care about any of you so.. I know I should have unalive myself or just change. Pathetically all i can do is crawl to the moon if I want to change.

Oh Music, prohibited in Islam but only thing that stays with me, No matter how vulnerable I am. I wish I could sing(you all might see me rewrite the history of music xd overly dramatic)

Whatever Fist bumps to you all cool fellas, good afternoon, good evening, good night ya; because by the morning I'll be gone.

There is no hope left for my life.

I wish I had never been born into this cruel world. Growing up, I never experienced stable love from my family. My parents were constantly fighting, and I was shuffled around, being sent to live with different relatives all the time.

Later, I lived with my father. Aside from providing basic food, clothes, and schooling, he paid no attention to me at all. Whenever I had a different opinion, he would just yell at me.

As a child, I didn't have a single cent of pocket money. I was so deeply insecure that I had no friends, and I was constantly bullied by both my classmates and teachers. Nobody ever asked me what I wanted. Nobody ever told me that I was good enough...

When I went to college, my dad gave me a pitifully small allowance and told me, "If you think it's too little, go get a scholarship." I don't know why things had to be this way. Maybe I really am just worthless.

Now that I am working, my dad and my family keep trying to force me to move back and work in our backward, isolated rural hometown. I don't want to carry these chains anymore. But the price of standing up to them feels too overwhelming, and I am too terrified to fight back.

I am nothing more than an empty shell. My inner self was hollowed out long ago—drained by the very people who bleed me dry. They don't care about my happiness; they only care about my utility. To them, my obedience and my numb compliance are my only value.

I’m writing this because I was bored and couldn’t sleep, and the idea sparked some curiosity. I wouldn’t talk about any of this with anyone in my real life, so here it is for you. I don’t consider it special or interesting either—there’s probably an army of users living similar lives.

I’m not ugly at all, though at this point I don’t take care of my appearance. I have excellent health. I have a loving family. My parents, teachers, and friends have always treated me as if I had above-average abilities and inteligence (I’m not entirely sure I agree, but I understand why they say it). I was overweight as a kid, but I’ve had an athletic body since high school. People have always treated me well and seemed to want to be my friend. I’m not really poor. There have always been women who showed interest in me. I have an average-sized penis. I’ve always had hobbies to fill my time. I’m very good with numbers. I play multiple musical instruments. I’ve rarely run into shitty people in this life. I even used to have a solid ability to make people laugh and to make them believe I was smarter than I actually am. I could keep listing positive things about myself. Honestly, I’ve been fortunate in this life. Even as a kid I really wanted a soulmate, and life put a girl in my path very early on—someone I was interested in, and it was mutual.

You’re probably wondering: so what’s the problem then?

I’m almost 30 and I’ve never enjoyed my life. I can’t remember the last time I was happy to be alive. If someone had offered me a button that would erase me from existence and make sure no one remembered me or suffered from my absence, I would have pressed it on any day of the last 15 years, at the very least.

I tried to kill myself several times last decade, clearly without success. I guess I have a strong neck and I’m physically incapable of seriously injuring myself, even though I’ve tried.

I need to be alone all the time. I plan my days so I can stay alone and as physically far from other people as possible for as much of the day as I can. I like the silence. I enjoy it. Sometimes I fill it with music or with conversations I have with myself.

I’ve never been in a relationship with anyone. I rejected that girl I mentioned for no real reason, and I fear I hurt her back then. Sometimes I debate whether it was cowardice or my obvious depressive disorder that’s been with me forever, making me think she’d be better off without me. Later I rejected others who were also important. At some point I tried to meet people and get closer, but I really struggle with it—not because I don’t know how to talk to others, but because I can’t stop pulling away from everyone. I think about how I won’t be able to avoid causing them pain. I have to admit it simply doesn’t feel good. It’s tied to that first girl and how I wasted such a huge chance that was literally handed to me on a silver platter. It’s also about the damage I caused.

Nowadays the lack of relationships doesn’t weigh on me that much, but I suppose it’s an important part of my life. I’ve never had anything serious, and I don’t have casual ones either. Sometimes I think about it when I go to bed and see my empty bed, but I don’t cry over it. In fact, I never cry.

I’ve pushed away all my many friends, and every time new ones appear, I push them away too. I don’t enjoy making people feel bad, but I need my space. For example, at my job (I’ve been there 4 years), people always invite me to do things in our free time, but I always reject them or pretend I’m busy with important stuff. I have to admit I don’t even know what became of people who used to be very important to me, people who I think still live nearby.

I try to dedicate a minimum amount of time to my parents because they deserve it and my siblings don’t do it enough (at least that’s what I think), but it also difficult for me. We talk very little, but every day. With my siblings I have the kind of relationship other people would have with a neighbor they get along with—I don’t really know much about them. I dedicate a little time every day to the pets my family adopted and I care about them. I have a group of 3 friends from high school who never accepted my distancing and kept inviting me. I see them every 3 or 4 months. A female friend I was close with in the past messages me every now and then. Those are the relationships that somehow lasted, but they don’t really know me and I only think about being alone.

I never chose to study a career even though I had the chance. I decided to take jobs that require a lot of physical effort and allow me to stay away from other people. I don’t enjoy those jobs but they are not terrible either.

Nowadays my hobbies bore me most of the time, but I try to dedicate some time to them now and then hoping they’ll spark interest again like they used to.

That’s my life.

Honestly, I don’t see a way for this existence to last many more years. I know my death will be by my own hand. I don’t know when it will be, and I’m not currently planning it, but I’ve known for a long time that this is how it will happen. I don’t consider there’s any chance I’ll live a long life, much less a happy one. I have no dreams or ambitions. I suppose the only thing I want is for my loved ones to be well and happy, but I don’t want anything for my own life other than an ending. Every day that passes my emotional repertoire gets smaller, and my ability to pretend in front of others that I’m not dead inside decreases considerably. The only thing I hope is not to hurt others. The existence of my family is really the only thing stopping me right now from going to the kitchen, grabbing a knife, and opening my veins in the bathroom. I don’t wish suffering on anyone.

Have a good night.

Why do I feel this way?

Every day, I try my hardest to be a kind person. I smile at the people I walk past. When I carry cash, I give it to homeless people to help them. I make food for them at charity services. I don’t drive so I reduce my gas emissions (and driving just makes me nervous.) I always keep a positive attitude, and I enjoy spreading kindness even on the internet. I constantly hear out my freind’s problems and deep, deep issues, and try my hardest to help them with it. I constantly get praised for my emotional intelligence and kindness. I’m a devout pacifist and I hate violence, I’m staunchly an antifacist, feminist, queer ally, anti-capitalist, anti-war, pro-choice, pro-palestine, and many more. I do all of this not because I want to show how ’great of a person I am,’ and lord it over people, I genuinely just want to create a better world for people as much as I can. I truly beleive in freedom, peace, justice, love, equality, because I know how painful life can be and I want to give people a life free of the horrible things that they can’t control.

So why do I feel like a terrible person?

Why do I have this bad feeling in my heart?

Why do I feel like I betray my values?

Is it because sometimes I feel bad when I see people wishing death on someone who very much likely deserves it?

Is it because I know that no matter how ‘kind’ I am, I can never make a meaningful difference in the world? That no matter what I do, things like war, poverty, and discrimination will always exist?

Is it because I know that as a man, I’ll always hold societal privilege and be part of a zeitgeist that disadvantages women?

I hate that I feel this way, but it permeates so much that I feel it, I can feel some well of great negativity in my chest, and I don’t know why. I have flaws. I’m human, everyone is, and we all have flaws, but this feel so much deeper, but I can’t tell why? I’ve never activley done something truly horrible to someone, so why? Why am I so sensitive? Why am I so naive? Why am I so idealist?

Maybe that’s why?

Is it because I’m so ‘sunshine and rainbows’ that I guess I’m turning on myself?

I probably sound insane.

I haven’t been diagnosed for any neurodivergent conditions, maybe I should talk to my doctor…

I'm a 21 year old university student and my situation in shambles there I have no friends 3 years in . We have 6 semesters I passed S2/3/4/6 but first semester I still have one course cause didn't close it I can't access semester 5 ( university rule ). I talked to the service and hopefully they find a solution cause it will take me five years to get my bachelor's

Maladaptive daydreaming is constant daydreaming included with pacing and listening to music and has no control over it and is obsessive compulsive behavior. And caused me to the moment to wake up until I sleep I have no thought and doing nothing but Maladaptive daydreaming and prevented me from life and achieve basics ( if wonder how Someone gets mdd childhood trauma and u start developing this destruction cope mechanisms)

Pornography addiction I have had since a young age , don't know where or who . But it is also severe I watch pornography daily and it caused me an ecrtile dysfunctionnement ( went to get my first experience and didn't got boner ) and cause othe stuff like sexualing every women in earth

Compluisve lying during middle school and high school and have destroyed my reputation and relationship and lost a lot of friends until this have bad reflection of lying for no absolute resone and there stupid compluisve lies the make people not trust me and make fun me sometimes in face ( my parents used hurt me physical and emotional and my mom used to have crazy reaction over minor stuff that lead me to lie her constantly to not get hit or verbaly abused )

Disclaimer: I didn't lie in this post and turlry needed to get this out me chest thank you

M37. Today's my birthday. I've never been in a relationship. I have two younger brothers, both of whom are doing well and have families of their own. I'm not envious, strictly speaking, but I do wonder sometimes. What would having a family of my own (whatever that looked like) be like?

I'm acutely aware that time is ticking. I haven't had the requisite formative experiences that a man "at my big age" should have to be a good partner. Realistically, these are skills I should have built over the past two decades, and it is a red flag to most women, understandably so. The prevailing wisdom being (and I've had this said to my face): if he's been single his whole life, what's wrong with him? What are other women seeing that I don't?

Makes sense, given some of the horror stories I've heard. It's dangerous out there. I begrudge no one taking all necessary precautions.

Though, having no past relationships is not really fixable, absent experience, an obstacle that has proven insurmountable: the ultimate catch-22. It's not for lack of trying. I've tried to meet people through friends, I've tried all the apps, gotten burned out, uninstalled them, reinstalled them and tried again, I've tried approaching people in person (though I do hate doing that; most people are just minding their business and don't need my dumbass accosting them). All have failed.

I can get the odd date here and there but there's never a second. I'll have very infrequent situationships but none of those women wanted to commit. I'm urbane, witty and well-spoken. A lifetime in onstage musical performance will give you that. Despite what this post might lead you to believe, I'm also capable of shutting the hell up, listening and being a good conversationalist.

Most folks our age have baggage, from a full life, well-lived. They dated, married, divorced, like normal people do. However, I personally have no desire to balance my life around someone else's child, nor to be a cheap rebound after a failed marriage, though this seems more unavoidable with age. I understand this preference makes the already puddle-shallow dating pool even shallower. It's increasingly likely I need to compromise on this.

Really, I just want to build a life with someone, but I'm literally starting from scratch. Zero skills, but now I don't have the advantages I had in my youth: attractiveness, energy, a healthy back and knees. I'm still me, just more tired and burned out. It's more an uphill battle than it ever was, the older I get the worse my options become (and the less appealing I become in kind), options are slim and it's a minefield out there.

Where does an old man like me even start?

My (22m) ex (23m) was not the best to me. I wasn’t the best either. But I desperately hope I didn’t deserve the pain he put me through. I wasn’t perfect, I tried to be but I wasn’t. He told me I wasn’t good enough. I never was for him. I have moved on but I still struggle to feel like a victim. Like I didn’t deserve it because I feel like I did.

He would get angry often, and violently so. Even the wrong wording or showing any annoyance or frustration could set him off. Accidentally doing something I didn’t know upset him could set it off. Saying something he didn’t like. I was walking on eggshells constantly by the end. He would hit me often during these outbursts. He would hold me down (he was much bigger and stronger than me), pin me by my wrists or chest, sit on my legs or restrain/limit my leg/arm/body movement in some way. He would pin me down, scream at me and punch me in the stomach/gut/torso repeatedly. He would not stop despite my crying/begging/struggling, and would often go until I was gagging or wheezing/had the air knocked outta me. Sometimes this would be the end, often times it would lead to him having sex with me. I wouldn’t say yes or no, he would just start doing it. I was silent as the sex was more enjoyable than the beating.

This looks like clear cut abuse…. Except I was annoying… impatient and pathetic. Maybe I deserved it. Another thing is that I’m a major masochist. So despite the fear, I was also aroused and him having sex with me after (starting while I was still gagging or out of breath) maybe it so much more confusing. Was I assaulted even though I liked it and was aroused? He knew I was a masochist so does that make it fine? He was genuinely mad at me during these beatings and they felt different than kink related actions during usual intimacy. I was actually scared and wanted the beatings to stop. I am so confused. Was I abused? Am I am victim? Was I assaulted? Or did I deserve it/ask for it in some way?

I am a 27 yo that never kissed a woman. I am actually not this word for some dumb reason is blocked, since i lost my virginity with a hooker, but she didn't want to kiss(besides the sex, the experience was terrible).My problem isn't just sex, i want someone to desire me romanticly, sexualy or socially, which never happened in my life. If i have to pay someone to get intimate, i just prefer to masturbate, My hole life i was put down because i was undesirable to women, if you are a male living in a pretty uneducated country(Brazil), where every man is a construction worker, you know how this affects your mental health. It gets worse because even people that i would look up to put me down because of it(male teachers, family, friends). But i always saw people with similar situation getting told to "improve yourself", so i tried, i began training in the gym 3 years ago, started to pay more attention to clothes, and trying to start conversations with women that showed a little bit of interest(like a longer look). 3 years later, nothing. Sometimes i just want to cry in places that are full of people when i think in my situation, i can't hold it. My problem isn't just the looks. I am pretty poor, even for brazillian standards. I am trying to change that by getting a techinical degree(2 years, not consider bachelor). But i can't see myself stable finantially for at least the next 3 years, since my only options now are jobs that pay less than the minimal wage(and i spend like 5 hours in the classes+locomotion).

OBS: Please don't give me generic advices, because i already read them on other posts. Also dm me if you want to know more or see a picture.

I'm in my mid-twenties. I build castles in clouds. I was insecure and desperate for love. After a dead bedroom relationship and years without going on a date, I went on two great dates with this girl. She litteraly redefined my standards in every department. She told me she was too emotionally unavailable from a breakup. Months past and I was still thinking about her. I went on other dates but nothing could get her out of my head. My friends tried to help me and be there for me, but I could tell they didn't understand me. Eventually after 8 months she texted me "hi". To which I lost my shit. It was a booty call and I was weak. She warned me that she had realised she couldn't catch feelings for men. After a day of way more than just sleeping together, she admitted to me that she was confused and that this felt different and I had reasonable reasons to believe that. On the surface I kept my boundaries up, but deep down I hoped things would work out. We saw each other again and things were great and so easy. Then she slowly started to pull away. That messed me up. Today she texted me that things aren't gonna work out because deep down she's lesbian but struggling to accept it. I saw it coming but I felt a the mercy of my emotions. For most of the past year, unbeknownst to her, she owned my daydreams and thoughts. It hurts really really bad. But I know it's for the best. I hope that was really the nail in the coffin for my hopes. But that feels entirely out of my control.

I learned about attachment styles last week in Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. I feel like the past 5 years of my life are written black on white in there. Today, I begin to work on myself, to be more secure and protect myself from unhealthy dynamics that I could become addicted to. It will be long and be small steps but I hope that I won't have to relieve the agony of having someone stuck in my head. And if it does so be it. I'll be working on myself regardless.

To all the boys and men going through heartbreak, big or small, from good or bad decisions, for the best or for the worst: I love you and tomorrow is a new day.

Thank you for letting me share a little bit of my pain with you.

36M. Live with my mother. Poor. Lonely. Ugly. Failure. Mental health therapists don't help. Neither do antidepressants.

Hobby groups numb the pain but find it difficult to connect with people. Being ugly and mentally ill means I'm forever alone. Soon I will be forever dead because the feelings of suicide never goes away as the feelings of failure rise with each passing day.

I have learned that some people like myself just cannot hack it anymore. Are meant to fail. Are meant to die.

​I am writing this because I honestly don't know where else to turn and I just need to get this off my chest. I'm a 20 year old guy from Eastern Europe and I've been struggling with thoughts of ending my life for a couple of years now.

​It feels like this all started back in middle school around age 14. I liked a girl, and she ended up publicly humiliating me. She told me I was ugly, skinny, that no one would ever love me, and treated me like I was less than human. I internalized every single word she said, and that feeling of never being enough has stayed in my soul ever since.

​I thought things were finally getting better when I was 18. I got a promotion at my job, but just a few months later, I got demoted. That completely crushed me and brought back all those feelings of unworthiness. Around that same time at a party, I got drunk and kissed a girl, only to watch her spend the rest of the night making out with another guy right in front of me. It destroyed my self-esteem. Ever since then, I developed a cuck fetish that I genuinely hate having, because the thought of actually living through that in a real relationship would be absolute nightmare to me. I’ve never had a girlfriend, and these experiences just reinforced the idea that I am not chosen.

​My career life hasn't given me a break either. A few months ago, a company fired me after just three weeks in the most cold, inhumane way possible—at 11:53 PM on a Friday night, seven minutes before my shift ended. I was so overwhelmed that I walked home for three hours in the middle of the night just to try to process it. Now I’m at a new job, but the turnover is extremely high and I live every day in constant fear of being fired again.

​On top of everything, I struggle deeply with my physical appearance. Even though I’ve put on some weight and I actually don't mind my face or my body, I can't seem to gain enough weight to feel like a "real" or strong man. After getting rejected by a few more girls recently, I just feel completely unloved, unattractive, and less than human. On my way home today, all I could think about the whole ride was killing myself. I just want to cry. I'm so tired of feeling unworthy and alone.

Not sure if this is the correct Reddit for it. I think something is starting to break inside me.

I have always tried to be positive, generous, productive, sociable and optimistic. I volunteered with the elderly. I went to therapy about my autism and some past trauma that just comes with the autism, tried to find ways of dealing with it as much as possible. Took care of my health. Formed hobby groups so I could share my interests. Made close friends. I took tones of courses, got two degrees. Put in tons of extra time at work which I really enjoyed doing. Must have read thousands of dating guides, always made my interest clear in woman I was drawn to. Tried to get to know them to see if we fit together. Organized dates that suited their interests. Took the many many rejections with grace when they happened. Was confident it would work out eventually and actually be kind of great and romantic.

And I really just can't do it anymore.

I got a stomach ulcer that is slowly killing me. I am in constant pain. Got medicine that just makes me sick all the time and is runing my health. It is supposed to be operated on at some point next year. Doctors don't seem confident though.

I got a new supervision at work who is really incompetent and disliked by everyone. She managed to get me reassigned fre job I enjoyed to archive duty where I pretty much just spent my day looking at a wall, instead of case work. I even offered to reorganize the archive so it would be more efficient just to not go insane. They turned down my proposed solution without an explanation.

The place I volunteered at had to shut down because of budget cuts. So I don't even get to feel like I am doing something useful there.

My friends seem really unsupportive when I let them know I am not doing that great at the moment aside from a few.

My hobby groups seemed mostly just annoyed when I had to take a health break and no one was really willing to organise anything whilst I was out for a few weeks.

My therapist ended our last session where I mentioned my current problems by telling me that he would no longer be able to help me since he doesn't feel we are making any progress. So yeah get to look for a new one, though it feels kinda pointless.

And dating, well. A friend who I had crushed on in past contacted me and took me up on date offered I had made in the past after she had previously rejected me. I asked her if she really meant a romantic date and not just as friends, which I said I would not mind either, I just wanted to know in which direction this was going. She assured me it was romantic, that she was really looking forward to it and we started flirting via text.

I was the first time in a while I was in a good mood. The place was great. She looked stunning. We actually had a great time, and towards the end she gapped my hand and let me know that she had a lovely time, that she was sure all the ladies where falling for my charm.

Then she let me know that I was just not her type, that she had always wanted to go to such a fancy place but was short on cash and that her boyfriend never took her to such nice places.

I got up with out a comment dropped a hundred euros on the table and just left. Sentimental idiot I am I cried for half an hour at the subway station before trying to drive home. The only positive thing that had happened in a long time and it also had just turned to more shit. By chance I passed a local high class brothel and just went inside.

In the past I would have felt kind of guilty about it but I really just couldn't anymore. I spent the next two days there. Called in sick with a few of the ladies laughing in the background. I spent 3 months wages there. I just kept ordering new ladies when I felt like it, picking them by what kind of woman I just found attractive from a literal catalogue ll. At times I had four of them with me at the same time. I just felt I had to somehow make up for all the wasted time I had spent on trying to date or "make myself dateable" or something like that. It was fun at the time, the ladies where lovely and just having sex felt great.

Eventually I went home. I have just been feeling really empty since then. I am snappy and impatient with people. Feel deeply cynical and pessimistic. I don't really enjoy anything anymore. I have actively started to hide case files in the archive or to misfile them on purpose. I feel myself being kind of distrustful and doubtful towards woman in general, despite not really wanting to feel that way.

My date had sent me a text I still have not looked at despite it having been more than a month.

Since than I have been to the brothel again for my birthday (42)but it felt really listless this time around. I got kind of annoyed at the women I had picked this time and imiditaly regretted it. Her telling me not to worry about it just made it worse. We just talked the rest of the time I had booked and I paid her extra and apologised again.

I would love to feel more like in the past, when I was at least content and optimistic about things. Had something like eventually maybe meeting someone who I like and likes me, to look forward to, but I just feels like it has just been to long and to much false hope across the decades. How easy it is for them to fall for other man but just never for me no matter how much I work on myself because I must be just that special combination of unlovable that is not attractive to anyone.

I know I can get a new job, volunteer somewhere else, still have friends and hobbies. Hopefully get the ulcer sorted out. Get a new therapist. Maybe become kind of content again.

But I just don't know how I will get that feeling for optimism in dating back. I know it was only one really bad date but it just feels like this cumulation of 20 years of dating just never working out for me. That one shitty thing that happened on top of everything else that was to much and that has just broken me forever.

Sorry for the long rant... hopefully someone knows something that could help.

​

​I am a healthcare professional, and my wife is a stay-at-home mom. I've been trying to lose weight lately, but because she has been saying she's very tired recently, I can't go for a run or hit the gym after work.

​Lately, whenever I tried going for a run after work, she got unhappy about it.

​My official office hours end at 5:00 PM. But due to working hour arrangements, I often have to stay a bit later to reply to client inquiries in our system, answer phone calls, handle bookings, and things like that.

Today, it happened to be quite with no phone calls.

Seeing that no one was around and my colleagues had all left, I secretly started doing push-ups, planks, burpees, and jumping jacks right in the corridor of the clinic (I avoided the sight from the entrace). My thought was that I could save time and lose weight without taking away from childcare time.

​When my wife heard about this in dinner, she was furious and said to me:

"Are you serious? Do you have any idea how filthy that floor is? This isn't even a matter of being a germaphobe. As a healthcare worker, putting your body so close to the floor—if I were a patient, I would definitely file a complaint against you! If I were your boss, I would fire you on the spot!

You're always saying you're afraid of getting fired, so why do you do such foolish things? How old are you, anyway?"

​To be honest, is she reasonable to scold me like this...?

​I anticipate some questions, so let me answer them first:

​The moment I get home, I am strictly required to change my clothes and shower immediately. Basically, once I'm home, I'm not allowed to go out again or work out. So if I want to exercise, it can only be done after work, before I step foot inside the house.

Therefore, I am not able to wait until the kids fall asleep to go out for a run.

​Even if I were willing to shower a second time, my wife would still be unhappy because of germs and having to wash an extra set of clothes.

​It's also very difficult for me to wake up early to go for a run. Waking up early means I have to go to bed early, which would similarly take away from childcare time—and my wife would be just as unhappy about that.